Mathew is up by the time his Papa comes back, school books open and head bent carefully over it, doing his best frustrated expression with his face.
"Ah, Mathieu, you're up! You must have been tired!"
"Mmmhmm." Mathew doesn't look at his Papa. "I gotta get my homework done, so I can go to the sleepover tomorrow!"
He's not sure what compels him to mention the sleepover, and he regrets it as soon as he does. What if Papa changes his mind? What if he says no? Papa stops, seemingly remembering the sleepover for the first time.
"The sleep - oh. At Alfred's?" His voice sounds a little faint as he remembers. "I'd forgotten about that."
Mathew tries to look more invested in his homework. What is he even working on? Math? Reading assignments? His English essay? He can't focus, his head feels light and dizzy.
"I'm... I'm getting my homework all done now, so I can play at Alfred's and don't have to come back early to finish it!"
He's fighting to keep his voice normal - what is normal? - and to keep the thickness in his throat from reaching his tone. He doesn't want Papa to know he's cried. He doesn't want Papa to know why. Sleeping kids don't cry, after all.
"Ah, right," Papa affirms, a slightly brighter sound in his tone, and Mathew can't tell if it's forced or not. "Good Job, Mathieu. I'm proud of you."
His Papa's hand falls on his head, ruffling his hair, before sliding down, just a bit, fingers gracing the nape of his neck, tickling and making his hair raise on end with the feeling of phantom insect legs running over his skin. But it's not a monster, it's just Papa. The monster doesn't come when he's awake, and Mathew doesn't need to pretend to sleep. He wiggles, and pushes his Papa's hand off his head.
"Papa!" He complains, "You'll mess up my hair!"
His heart is pounding too fast to match the exasperated tone he uses.
Just one more night, Mathew reminds himself. One more night until Alfred's, where there are no Monsters who come at night. One more night until Alfred's, and then-
Mathew doesn't think about what happens after. His stomach crumples again, like an empty bottle. Just one more night, Mathew promises himself. He can endure just one more night with the monster.
After supper, Mathew packs his bag for tomorrow. He isn't coming home tomorrow, he's getting off at Alfred's stop and going to Alfred's house, and Mattias is going to ride the bus with them for once and it's going to be the best day ever and Alfred says his dad is going to order pizza and everything. He packs his games, and some snacks, and a change of clothes and his toothbrush and his schoolbooks. He packs his pajamas too, not the dirty ones from last night, clean ones from his drawer. The nice pair he never wears, because it's the only pair of pajamas he has that isn't dirty.
His cousin, the grown-up one, gave him these pajamas last year. They're childish, covered with dinosaurs - Mathew's not a baby anymore! Twelve-year-olds don't wear dinosaurs - but they're clean. Mathew's never worn them, so the monster's never dirtied them. Mattias might tease him, but Mathew adds the Dino PJs anyways.
His backpack is much bigger than normal, so big he'll have to carry his lunchbox separately. Mathew doesn't mind at all. Just one more night. Just one night until Mathew can sleep without being scared of Monsters. Alfred's sleepover is just one night away.
Mathew doesn't let his guard down that night, laying flat on his back, fake-sleeping, waiting for the monster. This time, he won't allow for the rules to change. If he's like this, the monster cant-
But the monster doesn't come. And when Mathew wakes up in the morning, there's no bad taste in his mouth or stickyness to his clothes or skin. It makes Mathew uneasy. The rules have changed, and Mathew doesn't know what the new rules are. He showers and dresses and grabs his bag and eats his breakfast as fast as he can. Mathew can't wait to get out of that house. His Papa thinks he's just excited for the sleepover, and teases him to eat slower as he shovels eggs and hashbrowns down his throat.
When it's time for Mathew to go, Papa pulls him into a tight hug, and tells Mathew he loves him very much. Mathew's skin writhes, but he just nods and mumbles back the expected, "Love you too, Papa." And Papa catches his chin with his hand, tilting Mathew's face up to see him.
"What, no kiss goodbye for Papa? Don't tell me you're too old?"
Mathew really, really doesn't want to. But Papa leans down and Mathew's frozen, and for a second he thinks Papa is going to kiss him on the lips (like that night, that night when Mathew wasn't asleep, and the monster's tongue slid into his mouth, and it moaned into him as he fought for breath-) but instead Papa pecks him softly on the cheek and tousles his hair again, and shoves Mathew out to the schoolbus, wishing him luck at school and fun at the sleepover.
Mathew's legs barely make it to an empty seat before they give out, and Mathew feels like he's shaking, even though he can see that he's not. He hugs himself. He wants Alfred, but Alfred's house isn't for many more stops. Mathew's lower lip trembles, and Mathew bites it to stop it. Today is the sleepover. Mathew's not going home today. Alfred will come soon. Alfred can make the bad memories go away for a bit, with rambling about games and Aliens and spies.
And Alfred does make it better, when he bounces onboard the bus full of excitement, spilling stories of everything they have planned for that night and stories of his cousins, and Mathew is actually excited to go to sleep for once. Before they get off the bus, he tugs Alfred's sleeve lightly, and Alfred leans in so Mathew can whisper in his ear.
"Al, you're sure there's no Monsters at your house?"
And Alfred doesn't tease or make fun of Mathew for believing in Monsters, even though he's already twelve.
"I'm sure! And, even if one did show up, I'd Punch it! Don't worry Mattie!"
Alfred doesn't lie.
Well, mostly. Sometimes he fibs a bit, but he doesn't lie about what important. He doesn't lie to Mathew. Mathew relaxes.
"You know," Mathew confesses, "I'm really excited."
And Alfred's wide beam tells Mathew he isn't the only one.
By the time school ends, Mathew is almost vibrating with excitement. Mattias is practically bouncing off the walls. When the bus reaches Alfred's stop, Mathew doesn't even wait for the bus to stop before he's on his feet, and the bus driver shouts at him for getting up too early, and Mathew doesn't even care, and he and Alfred and Mattias spill out of the bus, and Alfred leads the way to his house. Alfred's house is loud, and full of stuff, and so different from Mathew's house that Mathew stops for a second to process it. Two boys he doesn't know come spilling out of the living room and catch Alfred in a noogie, and Mattias is introducing himself and-
"I'm Kyle!" A tanned boy is shoving his fist at Mathew, and Alfred nudges him so he returns the fistbump, and another boy is shoving the first out of the way - "Ow! Kyle, move! I'm James!" and Mathew introduces himself, feeling overwhelmed.
"I'm Mattie."
And Kyle shouts to Alfred about him only befriending people named "Matt" and James is already running off to get something to show them and-
"Well, hello boys? You must be Alfred's friends."
And Alfred's dad is there, towering over them, bushy brows quirked in an amused way and one hand on Alfred's head, not like how Papa ruffles Mathew's hair, but more like he's trying to stop Alfred running off, and Alfred is wiggling and complaining -"Dad! You're embarrassing me! Stop!" and Mathew feels cold even though it's not cold at all in Alfred's house.
He swallows thickly as Alfred's Dad makes eye contact with him, and reminds himself that Alfred's house doesn't have Monsters.
The green eyes move on, but Mathew still feels chills inside.