Finding the right words to say in any given situation had never been a problem for Dr. Fox Mulder, Psychiatrist. But in this moment, for Fox Mulder, the man in love with Dana Scully, the words escaped him.
He could tell by the look on her face, she was confused and he couldn't blame her. He was confused too, but unlike Scully, he knew the connection. Scully did not, she didn't have the same hindsight and knowledge of the situation as he had.
He purposely left out that time period in his life. Even when he and Scully shared moments of their past together, he had brushed over that time period. It was too embarrassing and painful. He knew Scully wouldn't have cared, he knew she wouldn't have judged him, so why hadn't he told her?
If he could go back, he would do things differently; He would have shared everything with her.
But it was too late for that. Now he had to explain to the one person whom he loved and trusted more than anyone he had ever loved, why he kept such a significant part of his life from her.
"Mulder, please." It wasn't a question, and it wasn't like the plea's he heard from her lips last night; the same please he heard over and over again begging him to bring her to pleasure. This was a plea of confusion, a plea for answers. Scully walked over to him, grabbing both his hands in hers; he sighed at her touch and felt instantly grounded.
"Please, Mulder, talk to me."
He drew a deep breath in, exhaling he spoke, "Scully, there are things I didn't tell you about my past, things I left out because I was either too embarrassed or too prideful, or both."
He studied her face, her expression unchanging. He continued, fumbling with the right words, "I'm not even…."
A knock at the door interrupted him and Scully quickly dropped his hands from hers and stepped back. A dull ache resonated throughout him at the sudden absence of her touch. "Come in." Scully said, her questioning eyes still fixated on him.
Diana walked in and he instantly crossed his arms, sending a clear message to her with his body language.
"I hope I didn't interrupt anything important." Diana said.
Mulder knew Diana's words were laced with hidden innuendos and he glanced over to Scully to see if she picked up on Diana's tone; however if Scully had recognized it, he couldn't tell.
"Not at all, Dr. Mulder and I were just discussing a patient." Scully, saved face for them both.
She didn't let Diana respond but kept going, "I would love to continue showing you the rest of the clinic, and I know Dr. Mulder has another patient, so why don't you and I finish going through those questions you started with me?"
He was relieved Scully spoke up, he cleared his throat and looked at his watch, "Yes, you will have to excuse me, I have a patient in fifteen minutes that I must prepare for."
Diana stepped into his space, "Of course, but Fox. I will need to meet with you at some point to go over your paperwork. Let's get together first thing tomorrow, eight am?"
She turned to Scully and in a subtle condescending tone she started to mark her territory, "Oh and Dana, you won't need to be present for that meeting."
Mulder pursed his lips in a fake smile, "Sure. eight am." He left Scully's office carrying a full range of emotions with him. On the one hand, grateful to have left the small office, feeling like the walls were closing in on him. On the other, resolute, committing himself to the understanding that he needed to talk to Scully as soon as he cleared his head and processed the morning's events.
He just needed to get through his day, concentrate on his patients then he would reach out to Scully and explain everything.
Scully drove home from the clinic, her mind whirling with so many thoughts. After Diana left the clinic around two, Scully left soon after. She hadn't seen Mulder since they were interrupted by Diana. She spent the better half of the day avoiding him; not for any other reason than she didn't think the office was the best place to discuss Diana and a large part of her wanted to keep Diana as far away from Mulder as she could.
Diana.
She thought about the tall, handsomely attractive woman, and speculated about her connection to Mulder. There was something about the woman that put Scully's defenses up. She knew right away she wasn't trustworthy. There was an air of piety about her that wasn't grounded in altruism; if anything the opposite. Which in itself was odd, considering her position at DWB.
She grabbed her phone and stole a glance at the screen, hoping to see a text or missed call from Mulder. Nothing. It was obvious to her that something significant was shared in the past between Mulder and Diana. She was a grown woman, not some jealous teenager anymore and she certainly wasn't worried that whatever happened between them would change what she and Mulder presently had. She was confident in his love for her and vice versa. But she was confused and hurt at the idea that she knew nothing about this person. Especially since the woman had clearly affected Mulder's demeanor and countenance as soon as he laid eyes on her.
She picked up the phone, "Hey Siri, call Mel."
After a few rings her sister picked up, "Hey Danes, what's up?"
She kept her emotions at bay all day. Working alongside the mysterious woman had exhausted her, pretending to be unfazed by whatever connection she had to Mulder's past. She'd held it together, not breaking once; but now at the sound of her sister's voice, she broke out in tears.
"Hey.. Mel, ca..can you talk?"
"Dana, what's wrong, what's going on?"
Scully gathered herself, and explained the situation to her sister. "Mel, I'm not sure why I'm so upset by it, and it- I really don't know the extent of what it is, so do I even have the right to be this upset?"
"Look sis, the way I see it, you haven't even had a conversation with him yet, and you're upset because you were taken off guard, need I remind you that you don't like surprises, even good ones. And this was obviously not a good one."
"I know, I know.. but this woman, there is something about her Mel, I just don't trust her."
"Then don't, but that doesn't mean you can't still trust and listen to Fox." Melissa continued, already calming Scully down with her words, "Sounds to me, he's got some explaining to do, and if he's half the man you say he is, He will."
"Thank you, I needed help processing this. I do love him, Mel, more than I ever thought I could love someone."
"Oh sis, I can't wait to meet him, hey I'm dating an FBI agent right now, you want me to have him run this Diana lady through the system?"
"Mel! Get out of here, That's illegal!" Scully Laughed at the prospect, "An FBI agent, huh, you?"
"What can I say, opposites attract! Well, if you change your mind give me a call."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
Scully arrived home and put the car in park. She sat in the driver seat for a moment, quietly mulling over the conversation she had with her sister. Her phone buzzed breaking her from her thoughts,
Hey, can I come over after work? I would like to talk to you. I understand if you don't want me to, and I will respect that.
Her stomach flipped at the sight of the words, immediately, She texted back.
Please come over. The door will be open.
Okay. I will be done here around 6, see you then. Dana, I love you. I'm sorry.
I love you too.
Scully wanted to get this entire thing over with, and move on. She loved Mulder and he loved her. This is what couples do, she thought, they work things out. She took a deep breath, stepped out of the car and made her way to her trailer. She unlocked the front door and stepped inside, heading to her bedroom. She stripped her work clothes from her body and stood in her bra and underwear, facing her bedroom mirror. She turned her body to the right, slightly bringing her left butt cheek to face the mirror. She could see the beginnings of a bruise. I souvenir of her passionate impromptu bathroom sink copulation with Mulder. She smiled slyly to herself at the memory.
She sat on her bed and contemplated her options, she wanted to go for a run; clear her head. However, she was tired and exhausted from the day. She decided to take a quick nap, she pulled herself up to the top of the bed and tucked her body under the covers. It didn't take her long to drift off to sleep.
Scully woke up, groggy. What time was it?
She rolled over to her left side, wincing at her sore butt cheek, and threw her legs over the bed. She stood up and shuffled around the room looking for her phone. She found it on her dresser, picked it up and checked the time, 4:00. She concluded she had plenty of time for a quick run.
She rummaged through her closet and grabbed her running tights, sports bra and a long sleeve running top. She quickly dressed, slipped on her running sneakers and headed out for her run.
This evening's pace would be dictated by her thoughts; pounding them into the dry desert ground at each foot strike.
Mulder sat at his desk. It was the longest day of his life. With the help of Albert, who stopped by his office, he finally had some time to process the series of events that took place. He briefly filled Albert in on the situation who listened attentively. When Mulder finished explaining, Albert offered him some sound advice. Advice he would charge his clients an arm and a leg for.
"The way I see it doc, Dana, loves you. She will understand." Albert was sitting down in one of the chairs directly across from Mulder's desk. "You tell her the truth, and it will work itself out."
He continued, "I am more concerned about this woman, Fowley. Her spirit does not sit well with either myself or Mrs. Hosteen."
Mulder looked at the older gentleman sitting before him. His skin was weathered, no doubt from a lifetime spent in the desert but there was a soft wisdom present in his eyes that vibrated into Mulder's soul. When Albert spoke, people listened. It was one of the very qualities that made him a good doctor.
"You need to be careful Fox and protect your relationship." He rose from the chair and made his way over to Mulder.
"Thanks Albert. I believe everything you said was right."
"Go home, go talk to Dana. Your patients are done for the day," he placed a hand on his shoulder, "Paper work can wait my friend, matters of the heart can not." Mulder smiled and Albert turned around and left the office, closing the door behind him.
Alone, Mulder stood from his desk and walked over to the small window in his office. Staring out into the baron landscape, he replayed the events back in his head now that his mind was more calm. He knew he needed to do two things: first, tell Scully everything tonight, and second, set clear boundaries with Diana tomorrow morning. He looked at his watch, it was still early, he could get to Scully's by 5:30 if he left now. He was tired of waiting and this day needed to end with all of his cards on the table. He wasn't going to hold anything back. He gathered his things, put his sport jacket on and left the clinic.
When he arrived at Scully's trailer he knocked once, waited outside for a minute and opened the door. "Hey doc, you home?" No answer. The car was outside, she had to be home.
Raising his voice a bit, he called out her name, "Scully?" He stood in the living room, picked up his phone and texted her.
Hey I'm here. Sorry I'm early. I just really wanted to see you.
He scanned the living room for possible clues at her whereabouts. A buzz from his phone vibrated in his hand.
Running. Be there soon.