Mulder let out a sigh of relief and took a seat on the couch. He fidgeted with his phone for a bit, and waited patiently for her return. He knew her route and made the plausible deduction that soon meant she would be rounding the corner into the RV park right about now.
His thoughts settled on their weekend together. Never, had anyone captivated him like she did, he loved her instantly and he hoped he hadn't jeopardized the one thing in his life that felt instinctively right.
The front door swung open and Scully, clearly energized from her run, stepped into the trailer. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked, even in the most ordinary of moments, she still captivated his entire being.
Mulder quickly stood, ready to plead his case. He didn't even venture to know what she was thinking or where her mind was with the situation. He could only speculate that her run was a way to help process the day's events. Scully closed the door behind her and placed her phone down on the small entry table. He watched her kick her running shoes off and brush several damp stray hairs from her face as she walked toward him.
He started, "Dana, let me explain." He felt slightly weak in the knees and thought he might need to sit down but then Scully moved closer, stepping around the coffee table, she grabbed one of his hands and interlaced her fingers in his.
"You will Mulder, soon. But first, let me take a shower."
She stood on her tippy toes, tilting her chin up and he responded to her prompt by meeting her half way, she placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and her other hand cupped his opposite cheek. He searched her eyes for signs of anger, hurt or frustration but what he saw was warmth and adoration.
"Scully, I feel terrible."
"Don't . Give me ten minutes to shower and get dressed, make yourself at home." She smiled and let go of his hand then walked to her bedroom in the back of the trailer. He smiled and exhaled a deep sigh of relief at Scully's graciousness.
His stomach began to growl, reminding him that he hadn't eaten anything that day. He heard the water start and decided to head into the kitchen to see what he could find. He opened the refrigerator door and took inventory: cheese, lettuce, and a couple of tomatoes. There was also bread on the counter top and plenty of butter in the door of the fridge. He decided to pull together a quick dinner, it was the very least he could do. It would be a welcomed distraction from possibly the most important discussion of his life. He gathered the ingredients he needed, rolled up his sleeves and got to work.
Twenty minutes later, Scully walked into the small living space. She had settled on sweatpants and a long sleeve black henley top. To keep her feet warm she put on her furry slippers, the ones her sister gave her last Christmas. She quickly towel dried her hair and tucked it behind her ears. Looking over to the front of the trailer, she spied Mulder standing in the kitchen over the stove. The small table in the Dinette was set with two place settings consisting of salad and red wine to drink.
"Something smells good," She said as she moved into the kitchen. He turned to face her, looking up briefly from his task and gave her a warm smile.
"What is all this Mulder?"
"Nothing fancy. I made us a small salad, and I just finished with the grilled cheese."
"Mulder, how did you know grilled cheese was my favorite food?" She said half teasing him. She wanted him to feel relaxed, and she was certainly grateful he made her dinner.
She leaned against the refrigerator and watched him place the grilled cheese sandwiches on a plate. She thought she could get used to this domestic side of Mulder and felt an unusual feeling of familiarity wash over her.
He carried the sandwiches over to the small dinette, setting them in the middle of the table. He stood at the chair and pulled it out, motioning with his head for her to have a seat. She smiled at the gesture, and walked over. Before she sat down she placed Her hand on his forearm,
This is wonderful, Mulder. I am starving. But first, I need a hug."
Responding to her request, he leaned down and enveloped his arms around her. She returned the favor by wrapping her arms around his waist. She buried her face into his chest, inhaling him as the scent of cedarwood and soap traveled through her nose. She had missed him all day, hating the disconnect the days events had caused. He pulled away gently and she sat down. He pushed her chair in and took the seat across from hers.
They ate quietly, both hungry from lack of caloric intake in their day. When he was finished eating, Mulder sat back in his chair and broke the silence.
"Scully…"
She looked up from her salad and he continued, "I owe you an explanation, I will try to be as clear and not leave any details out but I want you to know, it was never my intention for deceitfulness. I think I just didn't want that part of my past to be real."
He continued, leaning forward placing his elbows on the table and making a fist with both hands. She could tell he was treading carefully with his words and gave him her full attention.
"You know what they say, denial is the pathway to deceit and I, of all people, should have known better."
Scully studied his face. Her eyes moved from the bottom of his chin to his pouty bottom lip, then she visually traced his laugh lines up to his cheek bones which led her to his almond shaped eyes; they looked worried and he seemed tired. She felt compelled to speak, she wanted to ease the burden he carried.
"Mulder, let me be clear, you don't owe me anything," she continued, pushing her food away, "Was I confused? Yes, and I still am a bit. As for deceitfulness and denial, you of all people should know, and I suspect you do, those can be coping responses for traumatic events. Obviously this woman left an impression on your life." Mulder shook his head in acknowledgement, and she saw his countenance shift.
"I know, I should have told you sooner, but..."
She placed her hand up motioning for him to stop. She continued, "I am ready and willing to hear about it but I certainly don't want you to feel forced or coerced into an explanation."
He offered her a small grin, "Now who's the Psychiatrist?"
Scully smiled back then slid her hand over to his arms still propped on his elbows and took one hand in hers.
"Go on, Mulder. When you're ready."
They sat on the couch together and Mulder spent the next forty minutes discussing his relationship with Diana Fowley. He told Scully how they met at a grad party; his stressful time as a resident, how she controlled their relationship and how he had let her.
"I lost myself, Scully. I saw things in me that I had seen in my patients, but I didn't want to fix it or I didn't want to admit it." He told her about Melvin and how he relentlessly spoke truth to him when others didn't.
"He told me time and time again that my relationship with Diana was not healthy; that I needed to end it."
Mulder even let Scully know how his relationship with Diana had created a wedge between him and his family. "She didn't like my family, and said they were too involved in my life."
He continued to tell his story and Scully continued to listen attentively, at times rubbing his hand or leaning in to kiss his cheek. He thought she couldn't be more supportive.
"All my training, all my studies, all the signs were there," he shook his head as he thought back. "It was so unhealthy; I regret I didn't end it sooner."
"Did you try?" Scully asked.
"Several times, but she said I was being selfish, a narcissist, that I only cared about myself." He chuckled at the accusation now, but at the time he shamefully tried to own it.
Mulder continued, "There was a part of me that thought I could change her, help her grow as a person. But by doing that, I sacrificed my own personal growth."
When he finished, he took a deep breath in and let it out. He knew of course what he was feeling. It was what his own patients felt after a particularly cleansing session. Talking to Scully lifted a weight off his shoulders.
A release. The therapist had just become the patient.
Scully sat quietly on the couch and when Mulder had finished she stood up, moved in front of him and gestured for him to open his arms. When he did, she gently sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Mulder, thank you for telling me. I'm glad to know about this part of your past but I'm sorry it was so hurtful."
"I wanted to share it all with you, I am truly sorry for not telling you sooner."
Scully smiled warmly, nodding her head in affirmation. Mulder continued, "Thank you for being so gracious and listening. I owe you big time," he grinned.
"Hmm. You really don't owe me anything, but if you insist, I might have some ideas on how you can make it up to me," she said, lightly brushing the back of his neck with her fingers. "But first, tell me, how are you feeling?"
Mulder countered, "I should be asking you that. How are you feeling?"
Scully pulled back a little and dropped her arms, placing them on his forearms, she continued. "I feel better and I feel like there isn't anything we can't do together. We are a team. Now it's your turn Dr. Mulder, tell me, how do you feel?"
Scully watched the man she loved close his eyes, tilting his head back he replied, "I feel like the luckiest man on earth."
With tears in her eyes she shifted her weight into his chest, pulling him closer. She was glad the talk was over, and she felt more connected to Mulder because of it.
"So, what would you like to do now?" She tipped her chin down, smiling at him.
"Hmhmm, right now, I would like to kiss you."
"Well, I think that's a reasonable request." She leaned in and softly placed her lips on his.
Their kiss was long, passionate and spurred on by the desire of two lovers longing for connection again. His body heat radiated off of him and Scully's center, instantly responding, tingled. She whispered into Mulder's mouth brushing her lips against his,
"I would like to collect now ." She felt his lips curl up into a grin and in one swift movement he lifted her up along with himself and carried her to the bedroom.
Their lovemaking flowed from tender and slow to fevered and rushed and back again. Never staying in the same place of desire for too long. They built their own altar, worshiping each other's bodies along the way.
While Scully was intertwined in movement with Mulder, she took inventory of his body, cataloging each mole, crease and fleshly distinction on his Greek god-like form. She wanted to sear him into her brain, and she suspected she would take a lifetime finding new places to explore. The way his muscles contracted at each movement, his face when he was discovering her body, the noises that escaped his mouth when she held him between her fingers and his eyes; she wanted to remember the way he looked at her when she reached the edge and back again.
They made love with reckless abandonment and she wanted to remember every detail.
She settled into, what he thought was, quickly becoming her usual post love making position, one leg over his and one arm at his chest, her head nestled under the crook of his armpit. Mulder heard a soft hum escape her lips while her fingers lightly circled his chest. Another tendency of hers he would list in his memory of things that he loved.
"Mulder?"
He moved his head toward her voice, his eyes closed relishing in the memory of their passionate hour together, "HmHmm?"
"That woman is a phony, a phony baloney."
He couldn't help but chuckle at her comment, while it was painstakingly true, he recognized the humor in her choice of colloquialism.
He quipped back, "A phony baloney? The worst kind of phony, a phony baloney!"
His reply made her giggle and he thought there wasn't anything sweeter than the sound of her laugh again.
Tomorrow, they would tackle the problem of Diana together. But tonight, he would afford himself the privilege of finding more ways to make Dana Scully giggle.