Everything falls back into place when Olivia and Paula get back from Hawai'i. It probably helps that neither of them want to talk about it. Whenever anyone asks about the trip, Paula just shrugs and says she enjoyed the sun. Olivia, on the other hand, talks at length about the horror of hearing her parents fuck.
Neither of them mention the real highlights of the trip: namely, the attempted theft and manslaughter. Not even to each other. Everything is just the way it was before.
Then Paula walks into the campus library one day and, hearing some muffled voices in the shelves, happens upon Olivia with her hands up a girl's skirt. Paula blinks. Her attempts to scuttle away unnoticed, however, fail. And within a few moments, Olivia is scrambling after her. Paula's mind wanders back to the girl, now alone in the stacks.
Olivia's hand shoots out, pulling Paula to a halt. "Paula. Just wait a minute."
Paula winces, wondering if the fingers wrapped around her wrist are the same that were just inside the girl from before.
"It's okay if you're gay, Olivia," Paula says matter-of-factly. "Like, super okay. I don't care. I mean, everyone's a little gay, right?"
"No," Olivia snaps. "I feel like that's, like, some kind of erasure, Paula."
At this, Paula's cheeks redden. "Right. Sorry. I just meant that I don't really understand why you didn't tell me. I mean, you know I'd be okay with it."
"Right."
"Cos of…" Paula trails off. She gestures between the two of them. "Well, cos of last summer. You had to know I'd be okay with it."
Much to Paula's surprise, Olivia flushes pink. Her eyes widen. It might be the first time that she's ever seen her blush.
"Last summer was different," Olivia insists. "We didn't—"
"We didn't?" Paula is incredulous. "We definitely did."
"—but it didn't mean anything," Olivia finishes. Her mouth is in a thin line. "We were so fucking high, Paula. Honestly, I'm surprised you even remember it. You were such a mess. God, so embarrassing."
It's Paula's turn to go red. "Oh. Well, whatever. I just wanted you to know that I'm cool with it. You know, with you hooking up with girls. It's chill." Then, after a beat, she adds, "But...it means something? With that girl?"
With that girl, Paula thinks. But not with me .
"Maybe." The tension in Olivia's shoulders seems to disappear. She gives Paula a bright smile. "I'm glad you know now. It's not that I thought you'd...well, I guess I just didn't know how to bring it up."
Paula hums. "Right."
Olivia takes it as a sign to keep talking. To start talking—explicitly, cos it's always explicitly with Olivia—about how she met this girl a month ago and all the things they've done in all the places they've done them. She keeps talking until Paula begins to feel dizzy.
With each word, Paula's heart feels heavier. And in that moment, nothing feels the same. Everything shifts.