He hasn't noticed, but I have been lying on the couch watching him for nearly an hour now. I was attempting to read but found I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. His fingers poised over the keyboard of that damn laptop, but he had nothing to type. No mission reports, no hacking, nothing. I don't think that has quite sunk in yet. He's so used to sitting there and staring at the screen as if the words would magically appear without really thinking about it. I can tell he is tense, physically and mentally. His fingers are just hovering an inch or so above the keys. His body is stiff, a statue for what felt like forever. And his eyes look almost glazed over, fighting an internal battle in his mind.
The war had only been over for a month now. We now had the imminent threat of February rather than soldiers bearing down upon us. At first, it had been the five of us here. Five disillusioned soldiers who were unable to comprehend the idea of peace now that it had come. It just felt so bizarre. So instead we all lived on a cliff edge, waiting for the next mission from our Professors and Doctors even though we knew that they had died during the battle on Peacemillion. As much as I hated them, they had at least tried to stop Libra from crashing to Earth. Too little, too late though.
The first to leave was Quatre, not a surprise really. He returned to the L4 colony to work with his family now that he had inherited the company. Trowa had then left to return to the circus and his adoptive sister. Wufei had then disappeared in the middle of one night without even a goodbye. So in two weeks, it became two instead of five. I could have returned to Hilde to help with her scrap metal company again on L2. But leaving Heero alone… I couldn't bear to leave him. And honestly, I knew he had no one to return to. Now the war was over why should I be made to leave my lover alone to face his demons?
I think I was learning to relax a bit. I still had evenings when all I could do was take the blade to my skin to help block out the screaming and memories of war. The only peacetime I had ever known had been a struggle for survival. I had just changed one struggle for another.
But Heero, conditioned to be the perfect soldier, was never prepared for this. I don't think they expected him to live through it. I don't think he did either. Knowing Heero he had probably set his sights on self-detonation to remove two weapons of war – his Gundam, and himself. But now his new mission was to protect me. But in return for that, he had to live through the constant reminders that attacked him in both sleep and wakefulness. My mission in return was to… I don't know, just to be there I guess. Without me here I bet that he would have died weeks ago.
Finally, I gave up re-reading the same page over and over again as I watched my Japanese lover from the corner of my eye. I can tell he isn't entirely aware of his surroundings when I see no reaction to my movement. He's fighting that internal battle again. The only reaction I do get is a slight jump as he feels my hands resting on his shoulders. I lean over wrapping them around him and resting my chin on his head. The laptop screen was indeed a blank page with a single flashing cursor.
"You looked like you could do with a hug." I nuzzled into that wild brown hair, leaving a gentle kiss on the crown of his head. And he lets out a quiet sigh, as he tries to relax against me. His own hands finally moved up to clasp at mine. But I can still feel the tenseness in his muscles. "Please talk to me 'Ro, it hurts to see you like this."
Back on the defensive, all he can mutter is "I'm fine." I can't help but smirk to myself that was usually my line. He knows for one second that I don't believe it. But in return, I squeeze him tighter. Sometimes just the pressure and reassurance that I am here will help /sometimes/.
"We can go snuggle if you want. It will help you feel better." He falters for a moment before nodding, turning the laptop off and then letting me guide him to the bedroom that we now shared. I make him lie on his front, slowly raising his t-shirt over his head. He is unsure of my intentions but he lets me sit straddling his lower back.
The lube we always keep in the top drawer is always within arm's reach. I squirted some onto my hands, trying to ignore the real reason that it was there, and how compromising this position actually was. But instead of focusing on more erogenous zones, I instead warmed the lube and began working on the tense knots that I knew were buried deep in his shoulders. Sitting in a position like that in front of a computer would have definitely caused some damage. And knowing that he did it for so long every day bothered me.
I focused on each knot as I came across it, working my fingers deep into the muscles. Damn, if I had known that they were this bad I would have done these ages ago. And I silently scolded myself for neglecting the physical needs of my love rather than focusing on his psychological ones.
As I worked my way down to his lower back, I worked on the muscles there. But instead of purring, he let gentle moans of pleasure escape his lips. Eventually, I let my fingers slip below the elastic of his lounge pants, and I couldn't help myself but gently massage his cheeks. That time I heard my name escape his lips instead. I smirked as I felt that one moment work down to my groin. As he turned over to face me I'm sure he purposefully moved to rub his thighs against the beginnings of a throbbing bulge in my own pants. And I now sat straddling him from the front.
He's smiling at me now. That special smile was reserved for me only. And I found myself drinking in every part of his topless body. Those smooth understated abs. The dips just below his belly button that lead to something very special indeed. His pants like mine, tented ever so slightly.
I didn't notice when he had wrapped a hand gently around my braid, pulling it in such an intimate way to make my face dip to his. Our lips met, and the kiss was slow for once. Usually, we were enjoying ourselves too much to care about the little things but there was something different this time. I would dare to call it lovemaking. Between the kisses when we came up for air I heard a raspy voice reminding me that I was wearing too many clothes.
The slow strip tease for him only made the bulge in his pants become larger and harder. But unlike him, I stripped completely and let him enjoy the view. On those very /very / rare occasions, I will even undo my braid. It falls down my back like an oil slick, and consumes us, blocking out the world around us.
His hands reach up to grasp at my scalp, giving him a better purchase of my body. The sudden unfamiliar movement makes me gasp loudly, making him let go and reach for my face instead so that our eyes meet. His ocean blue depths search my own amethyst ones, worried that the movement had caused me pain. But I smile reaching forward to meet his lips again. "It's okay 'Ro. I just never knew I liked that." One of his rare quiet laughs escapes his lips.
This time when he reaches up to grasp at my scalp, I let him pull my head to one side, enjoying the force and relinquishing control to him. He nibbles at my exposed neck and up to my ear. I can hear him moan in desperation as I rub my naked thigh against his pants. Damn, this was getting hot fast and he knew it. This time when our lips meet, I can hear him begging for me, to let him finally be inside me. Smirking, I dismounted him, giving him enough time to remove the last of his clothing while I attempted to find where the lube had escaped to.
Eventually, he had me lying on my back, poised to enter me with his slick throbbing member. But there was something peculiar to the smile on his face. Once he had slowly filled me and let me adjust, I realised just how desperate that he had made me become. We started at a slow steady pace before I started to push myself onto him with as much strength as I could until I could feel his dick hitting my sweet spot over and over again. My eyes felt as though they were going to roll back, and my breathing came in desperate hitched breaths.
Once Heero quickened his speed to match mine, I felt a hand sneaking up my back to grasp at my scalp again, but instead of being able to gasp again, I was silenced with a crushing kiss. This new intense feeling had me on edge. Again he pulled my head to one side, but instead of kissing the exposed skin, he dug his teeth into my neck.
The mix of pain and pleasure hit me perfectly and I found myself unable to control my body anymore. As I reached my orgasm, my passage tightened around Heero causing him to join me in bliss. We rocked against each other slowly, riding out the pleasure, until he slid from me to lie on his side.
I always whimper at the loss and emptiness. But instead, as we lay next to each other, hands trailed up my hair and gently began to massage my tender scalp. The whimpers quickly turned to contented purring under his touch, and my eyes flitted close enjoying the intimate touch.
"I think you have a hair kink Duo."
I smile to myself, allowing the post love-making bliss to take over and lull me to sleep. "I think you do too."
I am still working on Broken Pieces, but every so often you just need a break and a chance to write some kink. I have now posted the entire Bound For Hell universe to AO3 into its own series with the fics in the correct order.