Ai isn't in the morning classes today. Maybe she's sick, but I'm sure it has to do with Carsten. I feel like I need to say something to her. But I learned recently to stop meddling in what other people are choosing to do. So…I guess I won't.

When we get to our table at lunch, Koji and Hana are already there and talking and smiling with each other. They sure look like a couple.

There's one really surprising thing about Koji. He isn't wearing his hoodie. He wasn't this morning either, but I assumed he was in a rush. I guess if sleeping with Hana makes him feel like he doesn't need to hide behind a hood anymore, it has already done some serious good for him. That makes it easier for me not to meddle.

Ai doesn't show up for lunch or afternoon classes either.

—-

It's been about two weeks since Hana and Koji started their…I guess 'dalliance' would be the right word?

As far as I can tell, they are sleeping together literally and figuratively every night. They spend some time alone together apart from that too. To me at least, it seems like they are in a relationship. Except that they don't show each other any romantic affection in public. And I guess they aren't formally committed to one another. It still confuses me, but they are both much happier people now. They both had bad self-images, and they have helped build each other up. So it's been easy for me not to meddle.

However, the relationship between my other two friends has me far more concerned. Ai has missed about half of our classes over the last two weeks. She hasn't shown up to study for anything, and she seems to be asleep at really strange times. We hardly see her outside of class and lunch and she only shows up for those about half the time.

Right now Akari and I are snuggling in her bed and about to go to sleep. But I'm so worked up over this Ai thing, I think I need to talk about it.

"Are you as worried about Ai as I am?"

"I don't know how worried you are exactly…b-but I am worried."

"What should we do? If I try to help, am I just meddling in something that's none of my business?"

"I th-think it is your business. They are your two closest friends who aren't m-me, and what Ai's doing…c-can't be good for her. I think we have to talk to her about it."

I hug Akari a little closer, "I'm glad you agree. After the Koji-Hana thing I wasn't so sure about my instincts. What do we say to her?"

"That she…r-really isn't living life here. It's almost like she's in Germany with him."

"Dang, that's good."

Akari giggles, "I do get the better grades in Japanese than you."

I scoff, "Okay, I'll let you take the lead then."

"Um…I'm usually pretty good at t-talking with Ai, but this is sensitive enough that I w-worry I will get anxious and mess it up. Especially if she gets upset. You can lead, but I will provide support."

"Okay." I exhale. "We'll do that tomorrow."

—-

The next day, Ai doesn't come to class or lunch, and she declined an invitation for dinner. So, Akari and I decided to go to her room in the evening. We knock on her door, and she cracks it open with a surprised look on her face.

"Hey, what are you two doing here?"

"Can…we come in? We miss seeing you and want to talk to you about something."

She frowns, "Does it have to be now?"

I frown back. "Kind of. We…don't seem to see you otherwise."

She sighs, "Okay. Come in."

Her room is a mess. Clearly. she's spending all her time in time here. They are junk food wrappers, soda cans, partially eaten food and dirty clothes strewn all over. There's a path for her wheelchair out of necessity, but the rest of the floor is filthy. I guess cleaning up is harder for her without Carsten, but she could ask us for help. It really is like her whole life is in this room. And I understand how hard things are without Carsten. But…this…is not good. It's even worse than we knew.

After a few moments in her room, I remember that my mom once told me she used to get so depressed around the anniversary of her dad's death that she just couldn't muster the energy to do anything.

We sit down on the bed, and she positions herself in front of us.

"So, what's up?"

I force a smile, "Well…you haven't really been coming to class. We were worried. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Things are fine."

"Ai…"

"What? I answered your question, okay. I'm fine."

Before I can ask, Akari says, "Th-then why aren't you coming to class?"

She sighs and crosses her arms, "I dunno. I just don't feel like it."

"That's…not like you. You like school. Some of it anyway."

"I liked it when Carsten was here. I…have a hard time making myself go now."

"Wh-what about lunch?"

"Same thing, I guess. Without Carsten there, I don't feel like going."

"What are you doing all day?"

"Sleeping, mostly."

"Ai…"

She aggressively points at me and grits her teeth, "Stop saying my name like that! I'm not some hurt puppy for you to take care of, Kayoko! I'm fine."

"You're right. But I do think you need a little help. Will you let us help?"

She crosses her arms again. "I don't need any help. I told you I'm fine."

Akari says, "Y-you don't seem fine. All you're doing is s-sleeping all day and then talking to Carsten. And then going b-back to sleep. Does that sound f-fine?"

She glares at Akari but then her glare softens, she starts to get choked up, and she looks down. "You…you don't know what it's like. You two have each other all day every day. And every night too! Th-that's how it used to be for me. Now…I just have him for a few hours on the phone every day. And…that's the only part of the day I like. The rest of it is just a nuisance."

I take Ai's hand, "You're right that we don't understand. But…I can imagine what it would be like if Akari moved across the world, and we had to do a long-distance relationship. It would be hard. I could even see myself doing what you're doing right now. But you know what?"

She sighs, "What?"

"I would listen to you if you said what I was doing wasn't good for me. I'd let you help me. Will you let us help you?"

She pulls her hand away from me. "How do you think you can help Kayoko? The person I love the most in the whole world…the man that I…hope to marry some day is gone from my life in all but the smallest of ways. Are you going to fly me to Germany? Fly him back here? Because that's the only way to fix it."

"W-we know we can't fix the problem. B-but we can help you cope with it a little better. Will you let us?"

"How will you do that?"

"Well…I think seeing a therapist here might be step one."

She rolls her eyes, "I don't need therapy. There's nothing wrong with me. I just miss my boyfriend."

Does that mean she thinks something is wrong with me and Akari? I guess I'll set that aside for later.

"…you aren't just missing him, Ai. I'm not an expert, but my mom used to really struggle with depression. She told me about it. I think that's what this is."

"Of course I'm depressed. Haven't you been listening? I miss my boyfriend. I think I'm supposed to be depressed."

"Th-there 's being sad…and then there's letting it r-rule your whole life. That's what y-you're doing. It's like you aren't even here. You may as well be in Germany."

Anger flashes across Ai's face. "I wish I was in Germany. Then I would be with Carsten, and I wouldn't have to listen to you two busy bodies criticize me so much." She points to the door. "Just …get out of here. I've had enough of this. "

"Okay, we'll go. But can I ask one more thing?"

She rolls her eyes. "Whatever, sure."

"Is this what Carsten is doing? Is he not going to class? Not spending time with friends? Sleeping all day?"

I think about bringing up the state of her room but decide against it.

She uncrosses her arms, and her anger turns to shame.

She quietly says, "…no."

"He loves you and misses you just as much, right?"

"...yeah."

"H-have you told him this is wh-what you're doing?"

Nice job Akari. Didn't think about that.

"...no."

"A-and why not?"

She frowns, "Because…I don't want him to know."

"So, do you see what we're saying?"

She starts to nod slowly and then starts to cry softly.

"What…do I do? What's wrong with me? How…didn't I realize this. Therapy will help?"

"Well, it has helped both of us." Akari nods in support. "I…also think you should try to get out of your room more. Going to class would be great, but if you can't do that, you can at least spend more time with us. We miss you."

"B-but you two need your time…"

"W-we have plenty of time, Ai. We want to use it to help you. You would do it for us."

"Th…thank…y-you…." Now Ai is really crying, about as hard as the night she found out Carsten was getting sent back to Germany.

Me and Akari get up and each hug a side of her until she's done crying.

Once she's done, she says, "Can…. you two not tell Carsten about this? I've…kind of been lying to him, I guess. At least by omission. I sort of didn't realize it…I've been dodging a lot of his questions about my day and stuff…answering vaguely. I just thought I was sad. I'm going to tell him eventually…but not right now..."

"W-we won't tell him, as long as you follow through with g-getting help."

She nods. "Thanks, you two. I…I really lost myself there, I guess."

"It happens sometimes. That's what friends are for, right?" I pause for a moment, "Do you want us to help you clean up your room?"

She looks around and looks really embarrassed but then nods.

I squeeze her shoulder. "I know it's hard but…please don't be embarrassed. It's just like being sick. You couldn't help it."

It takes us a couple of hours, but we manage to get her room reasonably clean. She already seems a little more clear-headed.

When we leave her for the evening, I feel like she is on track. She's going to need our help, but I think she'll be okay.

—-

It's been two weeks since we talked with Ai in her room. She is still struggling to come to class and lunch, but she had her first therapy session and said it helped. She's been coming to dinner with the rest of us and has been spending more time with me and Akari in the evenings. The three of us are having a little slumber party at my mom's tomorrow, but there is someone else to invite. I don't exactly know if she's going to go for this kind of thing, but it would be rude not to invite her.

We just got to band for the day, and my fellow pianist is already here seated on the bench. She waves and smiles at me. Man, Koji must be amazing in bed to turn this gloomy girl into the smiley thing she is now.

I tease her about it when I get up there "You're all smiles today, huh?"

"Am I?"

"Definitely."

"I'm in a good mood, I guess. Stuff is going really well."

I really want to ask if "stuff" includes Koji, but if she comes to my mom's that topic will come up in a more private environment.

"So, I wanted to invite you to a little slumber party tomorrow. Me, Akari and Ai like to go down to my mom's every now and then and stay the night. Do you want to come?"

She smiles, "Yeah. That sounds like fun. I heard your mom is cool."

I laugh, "I guess she is, as far as moms go. She's also a little weird but…well, you'll see."

—-

Me, Akari, Ai, and Hana are waiting for my mom by her car.

Ai says, "If our little group gets any bigger, your mom will need a new car."

I laugh, "Whatever. You, my mom, and Akari are so tiny you could share a seat if you had to."

Ai giggles but Akari scowls at me, but mostly it's just cute. "Hey! I'm b-bigger than they are!"

I pat her on the head which only seems to intensify her scowl. "Yep, you are. But all three of you make me and Hana look like Amazons." I look at Hana, "Well, Hana always looks like one, I guess. She's taller than most guys."

She raises an eyebrow, "Is that a good thing?"

I laugh, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But I know one guy who definitely thinks it's a good thing."

She blushes a little and I smile.

"Oh, hey, here's my mom."

"Hello girls, it's nice to see you all. You must be Hana, it's nice to meet you. Goodness, tall, pretty, and blond? The boys must love you."

She blushes and looks at her feet. "Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Nakai."

I laugh, "I was just telling her the same thing, more or less."

Hana rolls her eyes at me. After Ai gets in the car, Hana effortlessly deals with the wheelchair. She really is an Amazon. I'm thankful my mom doesn't have to deal with it.

Once we're in the car my mom says, "So, Hana, how's Yamaku been for you?"

"I like it. It…took some adjusting, but these three helped a lot."

My mom smiles, "My husband was a transfer student too. He said the same thing pretty much. Took some time to adjust but loved it in the end. So much that he came back to teach."

"That's amazing that you two got together in high school and got married and everything."

We all smile, especially my mom. We all know the story so we'll, it's easy to forget, not everyone does. My mom says, "It's a good bit more complicated than that. I won't bore you with the details, but we didn't start dating until our 30s."

"Oh. Still really neat that you met at Yamaku."

My mom smiles. "Yeah, I think so too."

—-

We're at my mom's now, and Hana is looking at our family portrait from the year before my dad died.

I walk over to her and pinch the bridge of my nose. "I swear to God if you say what I think you're going to say…"

"Your dad was really handsome."

Akari and Ai both giggle and I bow my head in defeat. At this point I'm too exhausted by this recurring episode to even be outraged. I think I may just have to accept that my dad was universally attractive.

We've just finished another lovely dinner prepared by my mother. Now that we're done, it seems like she's ready for the usual proceedings.

"Well…you girls usually talk about your romantic lives at these meetings. Should we go around the table?"

I laugh, "I don't know if everyone here wants to do that mom. Hana is new, and I don't know if she's ready for that."

While fidgeting with her chopsticks, Hana says, "Um…I'd be okay with it. I have some stuff I could use help with. But I don't want to go first!"

My mom says, "Okay. Why don't you go first, Akari?"

Her eyes get big, "Wh-what?"

My mom laughs, "You don't want to?"

"Well…normally we don't talk about someone else who is here. So, I was surprised to be asked." She holds my hand and smiles at me. "I'm just…really happy. That's m-my update I guess."

"D'awwww!"

I laugh at Ai's exclamation and then say, "Yep, me too. Very very happy. On to you, Ai."

She fiddles with her braid for a moment. "Well. I miss Carsten a lot." She pauses and looks at Hana and then my mom. "Um…Akari and Kayoko already know…but we're always really honest here, so I'll also tell you two. I'm struggling with depression. I'm getting help and trying my best now, but it's hard. My first instinct every morning is to just…stay in bed and go back to sleep. The only thing can motivate me to do stuff is talking to Carsten."

My mom smiles at her, "I've had some bouts with depression over the years. It can be tough. But it sounds like you're fighting and that's all you can do."

Ai nods, "I am, at least now. I was in…a dark place a few weeks ago. Kayoko and Akari helped pull me out."

My mom smiles at me and says, "Yes, support is very important. I'm glad you girls all have each other."

Hana squeezes Ai's shoulder and says, "I have depression too, started because of my…medical stuff. So, if you ever want to talk about it, let me know."

Ai smiles at her, "I would like that."

Hana smiles back and then says, "I guess that leaves me, huh?"

Akari says, "O-only if you want to."

She takes a deep breath and says, "I do. Okay, well…I've been sleeping with a guy - our mutual friend Koji - for about a month now…"

My mom raises her eyebrows and smirks.

"Err…sorry, is…talking about that not allowed?"

My mom reassures her, "It's fine dear. Nothing is off limits as far as I'm concerned. Go ahead."

She nods her head. "Okay. I have developed feelings for him. I want him to be my boyfriend now. But we also really aren't that far from graduating and we are planning on going to different universities that aren't close to one another. So…I'm not sure what to do. My last relationship ended because I moved here…and I don't think I want to do that again."

We're all silent for a few moments. Her situation really is a tough one. I'm glad she likes Koji now, but it is tough to say what she should do.

"K-kayoko, don't you have some advice?"

I look at my girlfriend in confusion.

"Hideki. Isn't it k-kinda like that?"

"Oh. I guess so." I turn towards Hana "I guess I can tell you a story that might help you." Hana nods and gestures for me to continue. "My first year I dated a third-year guy. We went into the relationship knowing it would end when he graduated. It was nice. We were each other's first significant other. We really cared about each other. But it was hard, always knowing it was going to end. And it really hurt me when he left."

Hana thinks for a moment and then looks confused, "So are you…saying that kind of relationship is good…or bad?"

I laugh, "I dunno. Both? If you do that with Koji, I bet you guys will have a nice time together, but it is also really challenging, and it will hurt when it ends. I think doing it was worth it, for me."

She nods grimly. "Okay, thanks…any other suggestions?"

My mom says, "Well, I think the only options you really have are keep doing what you're doing now, go with the kind of relationship Kayoko mentioned, or break it off with him entirely."

Hana's shoulders slump a little. "Yeah…I guess that's true. I was sort of hoping there was something else."

Ai says, "What kind of something else?"

Hana sighs, "I dunno."

I say, "How much do you like him, Hana?"

She fidgets with her napkin and blushes, "Kind of…a lot. We both really opened up to each other recently. Talked about…our pasts and stuff. It made me like him a lot more…that he wanted to tell me about his stuff, and wanted to know mine."

"Do you…love him?"

She thinks for a moment. "Yeah…I think I do. I hadn't thought of it like that until now."

"And you think he feels the same way about you?"

"Pretty sure he does, yeah."

My mom says, "I think you should confess, then. Your time might be limited, but it sounds like you've already really bonded. You might as well just go for it and let what happens, happen."

I ask, "Is there no chance you two could end up at universities close enough to each other?"

"Well, I could look into it more. I could talk about it with him, maybe there's a way."

"I-if you two are in love, you definitely should. Th-there might be a way where you c-can be together now and l-later. So, the sooner you confess, the more time you have t-to try to figure it out."

Hana smiles, "Yeah! That's the other solution I was looking for." She blushes. "I really want to be with him…more than just until we graduate, if I can. He's a great guy."

"D'awwwww!"

My mom says, "Hopefully you can figure that out then. Are you going to confess to him soon?"

She nods. "Tomorrow, I think."

I say, "Good luck. I hope it goes your way."

Hana says, "Thanks…all of you. I've been really struggling with this. I guess talking about your problems with friends is actually helpful huh?"

My mom laughs "It is. Took me until my 30s to figure that out. Glad you got there sooner." She yawns. "Well, it's gotten quite late, especially for me."

Hana says, "Hang on a sec. We all said something, but what about you? Do you have any romance stuff to talk about?"

I don't think we've ever thought to ask her before. We should probably start, even though I think I know the answer.

My mom smiles at her, probably appreciating being considered one of the girls. "Nope. I'm not ready to have romance in my life again. Maybe someday."

Hana nods.

My mom says, "Okay, shall we go to bed now?"

I suddenly realize something. "Oops…I guess we didn't think about the sleeping arrangements with 4 of us."

My mom smiles, "I did. You and Akari in your room, Hana and Ai in mine, and I'll sleep on the couch."

Hana says, "You are not sleeping on the couch at your own house, especially after feeding me and helping me so much."

My mom scoffs, "I like the couch. I nap on it all the time. Are you telling me you and your long legs are going to fit there?"

I intervene. "There's a solution where no one needs to sleep on the couch. There's no reason me and Akari have to be alone."

Everyone looks at us in disbelief. "Oh, come on, we aren't going to start making out if someone else is in the bed with us. Someone can even sleep between us if that makes them feel better. We'll be okay."

Akari nods.

"How about, Hana and Ai in my room, me, my mom and Akari in her room."

My mom shrugs, "Okay. That's fine with me."

Hana looks at my mom incredulously. "Really?!"

My mom shrugs. "Yeah. I guess most moms don't share a bed with their daughter and significant other, huh?"

Ai giggles.

"Okay…when you put it like that it sounds pretty bad."

I whisper to Akari, "Are you okay if we sleep in separate beds?"

She nods.

"Okay, here we go - Me and my mom in my bed, the other three in her bed. Everyone happy?"

Hana says, "Well…now I feel bad you and Akari aren't in the same bed."

My mom and Ai both nod in agreement.

I rub my eyes in frustration. "Okay, I give up. I'm just gonna sleep right here. On the floor. Everyone else can decide what they want to do."

"Sweetie, you, me and Akari in my bed is fine. Maybe it sounds weird, but whatever. Our secret is safe, I'm sure."

Ai and Hana nod.

"Okay, that works for me."

Akari and I are ready for bed first. We are each off to one side, leaving space for my mom in the middle. It is kind of weird being in bed but so far apart from one another since we pretty much sleep on top of each other most of the time. When my mom leaves the bathroom after brushing her teeth, she looks at us like we're crazy.

"Don't be silly you two. Get next to each other."

She waves her hands like she's herding us.

"Are you sure?"

My mom laughs, "Yes. I mean, I would prefer you not get too…intimate." She winks. "But I'm sure you'll just snuggle, right?"

Akari turns red and says, "O-of course!"

Akari gets next to me, and we assume our usual snuggling position. My mom gets in bed and smiles at us.

"You two are adorable. I mean, I already knew that. But I hadn't seen you snuggle in bed like that. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy."

Akari smiles, "Th-thank you, Emi."

My mom turns off the light. "Goodnight girls, I'll do my best not to wake you when I go on my morning run. Love you both."

Akari and I return my mom's love. Then we drift off to sleep snuggled together in the same bed as my mom.

We're a weird family.