I've Been Washed Up, I've Been Put Down, and Told I'm No Good
The next days were a whirlwind of activity. Kalin, Radley, and the Bunch helped all that they could with rebuilding the town and studying the materials Trudge had sent. The town was going back up very quickly, the people resilient with their new freedom and their beloved leaders. They were already talking about a ceremony to officially induct Radley and Kalin as mayor and sheriff. Kalin wasn't thrilled with the thought of a formal occasion, but he would go along.
At some point each day, Kalin attempted riding the Duel Runner and he and Radley dueled at home. Kalin was still haunted by his Turbo Duels as a Dark Signer, while Radley continued to struggle over his fear of losing. Now that Kalin had allowed himself to open his heart, he tried his best to comfort Radley while Radley in turn tried to support him. No matter how the wounds were ripped open anew, or how low Kalin felt after every instance of the memories being dragged up again, Radley's presence and goodness were a lifeline he clung to.
The worst time was when Kalin foolishly went out on a highly overcast day, so dark the clouds almost made it feel like night. They were purple, they were black, they were closing in on him, reminding him every moment of what he did to Yusei, accusing him of betrayal, mocking him, jeering him, leaving him to bleed out and die. . . .
Kalin didn't know how he made it home that time. Somehow he drove back on autopilot, parked the Duel Runner in the garage, and stumbled into the house.
"Kalin?!" Radley was right there to meet him. "What happened?!"
And Kalin broke down, hitting the wall with his palm before sinking to his knees in despair.
"I left Yusei injured and dying!" he sobbed. "He was my first friend and I accused him of betraying me when I was the one betraying him! I . . . I don't understand why I'm alive. How . . . why, in the name of all that's just and right, am I alive?! I should be burning in Hell right now! Why . . ."
For a moment Radley stood there, aghast and helpless. Then, finally, he lowered himself to his knees and hugged Kalin close.
"Because we needed you here," he said kindly. "I needed you, the kids needed you, this whole town needed you. The town was saved because of you."
Kalin shuddered in his arms. "I left you to die too. That's what I do to people."
"You're not gonna do it anymore." Radley spoke firmly, with full confidence. "You're in your right mind now. You won't let it happen again."
Kalin felt so filthy, so unworthy of Radley's words and his embrace. Part of him wanted to pull out of it. The other part knew enough to know that would only hurt Radley again . . . not to mention he desperately wanted the hug to continue even though he knew he didn't deserve it. He clung to Radley until he finally got himself better under control.
"I shouldn't have ridden today," he said, disgusted with himself. "It brought up too many bad memories."
"It sure did," Radley said. He sighed. "Kalin . . . do you really wanna keep on with this? I hate seeing you so miserable and I'm not sure it's ever gonna help to keep doing things that are just ripping open the wounds. Maybe this is one of those times where time is the only real solution."
"That's not the attitude you took about going to the mines again," Kalin remarked.
"No, but you'll notice I haven't even done it yet," Radley said with a sad smile. "I know I'm not ready. And if I completely melt down when I do go and it doesn't get better, I'll know I still need to give it more time. I won't just keep forcing myself to go back over and over right away."
"I suppose." Kalin frowned. "I liked the idea when Yusei brought it up, but . . . actually going through with it is so much harder than I thought it even would be." He sighed too.
Radley nodded. ". . . I'm actually not doing too badly with the duels," he said. "But while I'm getting better with losing, you seem to be getting worse with the Duel Runner."
"You're right," Kalin said. "Maybe I am pushing myself too much too soon." He frowned. "I really wanted this, and I got you and Scotch excited about it as well, but maybe it's time to throw in the towel, at least for the WRGP."
Radley rocked back, just watching his friend. "I don't want to see you give up when you want to keep trying," he said. "I just wish we could think of something that might help make it easier for you to make it work."
"I can't think what it would be," Kalin said.
". . . What if Yusei came out and practiced with you?" Radley wondered. "Maybe that would help you put the past in the past and focus on how you and Yusei have patched things up now."
Kalin frowned. It was a nice idea, but . . .
". . . I'd have to tell Yusei how I'm struggling," he said. "I hate for him to know. I don't want to hurt him any more than I already have."
"He would want to know, especially if there was anything he might be able to do to make it better," Radley said.
"He's busy with his own team anyway," Kalin continued. "I can't take him away from that. He doesn't need to practice."
"He's making a lot of customizations, right?" Radley pointed out. "He'll need to test them out. Why not with you?"
"I've already made out that I'm fine." An edge had formed in Kalin's voice. "That's what I want him to think."
"Kalin . . ." Radley sighed. "Yusei's not an idiot. Now that he knows how bad off you got, there's no way he'd think you put everything behind you and are truly as 'fine' as you might be saying you are."
Kalin just grunted and started to get to his feet.
Radley stood up too. "You really don't wanna tell him, even though he probably suspects anyway?"
"No," Kalin insisted. "Yusei has already done so much for me. I don't want to ask him to do more."
Radley sighed again in resignation. "Okay, Kalin. I'll respect that."
Kalin suddenly froze as a new thought occurred to him. "I'm putting so much on you now, though," hesaid in chagrin. "I don't want to do that either."
"Hey." Radley laid a hand on Kalin's shoulder and squeezed gently. "We're in this together, Bro. Neither of us are really okay, for various reasons. You don't wanna tell Yusei. I don't wanna tell the Bunch. Our reasons basically boil down to not wanting to hurt them worse. So we'll figure out how to get through this by leaning on each other. Okay?"
Kalin finally smiled a bit. "Okay."
xxxx
In spite of Kalin's meltdown, he still wanted to try to overcome his haunted feelings. But, taking Radley's advice under heavy consideration, he opted to not practice for the next few days and instead work more on the rebuilding of the town. Radley was relieved. Kalin needed that reprieve.
Scotch also rode Radley's Duel Runner most days, and he was picking it up very fast. He was a shoe-in for a Turbo License, Radley was sure.
"Scotch wants to go in to the City and try to get his license right away," Radley told Kalin several days later. "He managed to somehow claim a slot to try tomorrow. And it wasn't easy. There's so many trying to get in right now because of the WRGP."
"Do you really think he's ready?" Kalin frowned in concern.
"Yeah," Radley said. "He even passed the obstacle course Virgil made with flying colors." He sobered. "What about you, Kalin? Are you ready?"
Kalin shook his head. "Neither of us are. We both know that."
Radley sighed. "You're right." He rested a hand on Kalin's arm. "What do you wanna do?"
"I don't want to give up," Kalin said. "There's still time. But . . . I think we actually need to try Turbo Dueling together and see what happens."
"I think so too," Radley admitted. "Scotch wants to go right to a dealership and get a Duel Runner if he gets his license. Do you want to get one for yourself too or does that still seem too iffy?"
Kalin sighed. "If something goes wrong, I don't want to wreck your Duel Runner or Scotch's. I'll get one. Maybe that will help me start to heal somehow, to have my own that I can start to customize."
"Are you sure it won't put more pressure on you instead?" Radley asked.
"It might," Kalin said. "But I won't know unless I try." He stared off into the distance. "It might make me happy, to have something to customize to my current tastes and interests. It might help me fully embrace that I am truly a different person now."
Radley smiled. "Then I'm all for you trying it."
Kalin glanced out the window to where two of the townspeople were taking a stroll and peering in the living room with unfriendly looks. Did they dislike Radley? Was it Kalin's imagination that they looked ready to throw him and anyone with him off the bus? What reason would they have?
Following Kalin's gaze, Radley sighed. "On the other hand, they'd love nothing better than for me to be hurt," he said. "Or worse."
"What did you ever do to them?!" Kalin said in disbelief.
"Nothing," Radley said. "They're just unkind, mostly because I look like a punk."
Kalin's eyes darkened. "You went through so much for this town. You're sure they feel that way?!"
"Pretty sure," Radley said. "Not everybody warmed up to me."
"Do you think they'll make trouble for you when you officially take over as mayor?" Kalin wondered in concern.
"I think they'll gossip about me. Probably about you too, for liking me and working with me," Radley said. "But other than that, I don't think they'd bother doing anything. They're just old biddies."
"Gossip can be very damaging," Kalin said. And he was sure Radley already knew that. Radley was just trying to make things easier on Kalin by playing down the possible problems.
Indeed, Radley had a sad look in his eyes as he nodded. "I know."
"And there's nothing I can do to help people like that understand you're good?" Kalin asked.
"I don't think so," Radley said. "They believe what they wanna believe."
Abruptly he smiled and changed the subject. "So, have you thought what kind of colors and customizing you'd like for a Duel Runner?"
Kalin pondered. "I think black with red-orange flames along both sides would be good."
"Oh, that would be nice," Radley praised. "Very striking."
"Do you know what Scotch wants?" Kalin asked.
"Well, he's been talking about purple," Radley said slowly. "I'm not sure they even make them in purple, but he's ready to paint it himself."
"Purple. . . ." Kalin stared off into the distance. "The mists the Dark Signers created was purple. . . ."
Radley winced. "I heard that on the news," he admitted. "Do you think you could deal with that reminder?"
"I don't know," Kalin sighed. "I don't want a color to always remind me of something negative. I like purple; my headband in the Enforcers was lavender. And some of my shirts are kind of a washed-out purple-gray."
"Well, maybe we'll just see how it goes," Radley soothed. "Scotch might pick a shade that's like your headband."
Kalin nodded. "He's probably thinking of a darker, more mysterious purple, though."
Radley couldn't deny that was likely with Scotch's love of spooky things.
"How did he get a slot when everything's so busy?" Kalin asked.
Radley shrugged. "There was a last minute cancellation, I think."
Kalin nodded thoughtfully. "Lucky."
Both were startled by Radley's phone suddenly going off. He answered with a raised eyebrow. "Hey, Scotch. What's up?"
"A whole bunch of town gossips blew in and demanded we hold a town meeting about electing you mayor!" Scotch cried indignantly. "They say you're not fit for the job because you look like a delinquent!"
Radley frowned, definitely displeased and hurt even though he tried to play it down for Scotch's sake. "Then we'll hold the meeting," he said.
"They want it now, tonight!" Scotch exclaimed. "We said you're not well enough for that kind of stress and they say we're making excuses!"
Now Kalin's eyes burned. "Radley was tortured to death in the mines!" he snarled. "Do they think that's an excuse?!"
"I don't know!" Scotch wailed. "They're awful!"
"Okay. Don't worry, Scotch," Radley said, still the picture of calm. "We'll take care of it. It's going to be fine."
"They're in the minority, aren't they?" Kalin demanded.
"Yeah, but they talk a lot!" Scotch said.
"Anyone who could be swayed by them isn't reliable anyway," Radley said. "Let all of our supporters know and we'll have a meeting where both sides are fairly heard."
"Those creeps aren't being fair!" Scotch said in frustration.
"Yeah, but to prove what I look like is irrelevant, we can't stoop to their level," Radley said.
Scotch sighed. "I guess. . . ."
"We'll meet after dinner tonight so no one shows up hangry," Radley said.
Kalin gave him a blank look. "Hangry?!"
Radley smirked. "Angry because of hunger. It clouds the judgment. And no, I didn't make up the word. Neither did Scotch."
"It sounds like something he'd make up," Kalin said.
Radley snarked at that.
If Scotch heard the exchange, he was too upset to care. "Everyone will be there!" he promised. "We won't let you down, Radley!"
"I know," Radley smiled.
Kalin was furious when Radley hung up. "To make this much trouble after everything you've been through and everything you've done . . . !" He clenched a fist.
Radley sighed. "I guess I still look too punkish for those biddies to stand."
"They're not just Malcolm supporters?" Kalin frowned.
"I think they're the faction that detested both gangs," Radley said. "They hated Malcolm's Crew for being uncouth and me and the Bunch because we like motorcycles and jewelry."
"I wonder how they feel about me," Kalin said.
"You're one of the Bunch, but you saved the town, so I'm not sure," Radley admitted.
"I don't wear jewelry," Kalin said.
"But you're my friend, and that's probably the worst offense you could commit," Radley said tiredly.
"Their priorities are skewed," Kalin frowned.
"No kidding," Radley agreed.
"It probably won't matter what anyone says in your behalf," Kalin said. "The meeting is more of a formality than anything else."
"It's more than that," Radley said. "Everyone will be given a fair chance to speak. The objectors can blast me all they like. If nothing else, it will show I'm not trying to hide anything."
"I guess," Kalin said.
"I am a little worried about how long it'll run," Radley said. "If we're up too late, it'll be hard for Scotch at the test tomorrow."
"He might be too upset at how you're being treated to do his best regardless," Kalin said.
"I'm worried about that too," Radley admitted. "Hopefully the meeting will turn out better than I think it will."
Kalin had to wonder if there was really any hope of that.
xxxx
The Bunch kept to their word and loyally made sure the entire town knew about the new problem they were facing. By meeting time, everyone had turned out both for and against Radley. From the looks of things, most were for him, to Kalin's satisfaction.
The naysayers went first, choosing a particularly uppity woman as spokesperson.
"Good people of Crash Town," she began, "we have come through much strife to get to where we are today. We must make certain we choose a leader worthy of the task, someone who will present the face we want to show to the outside world. Do any of us truly want to be represented by a young man who clearly depicts in his manner of dress that he is a rebellious delinquent?"
The Bunch immediately launched a chorus of "Boo!" Several other townspeople echoed it.
Unruffled, the woman continued. "Not to mention, a young man who was firmly at the center of the town's problems? Oh yes, we all know Malcolm was the greater evil, but Radley was complicit in the scheme of using duels to win mining labor! It was Radley's men whom Malcolm tortured in the mines when they lost to his Duelists."
"Radley didn't know they were being tortured!" Virgil snapped. "Yeah, we heard the rumors and we tried to find out, but we couldn't prove anything! Malcolm's men covered their tracks too well."
"He says that he was limited in what he could do because of Malcolm's constant threats to further terrorize the town," the woman said. "Perhaps that was true. But we need strong leadership now, someone who will do what must be done without holding back!"
Several mothers booed now.
"He was protecting our children!"
"Did you forget that Malcolm kidnapped them?!"
"Everyone in town was in danger by Malcolm's presence!" the woman insisted. "They should have all been routed out long ago. You certainly had enough manpower for it, considering it only took two people in the end to bring the ringleaders down!"
"Four," Kalin grunted. "We couldn't have won without Crow and Jack showing up. And they brought the police too."
"We were weak and scared," Billy spoke up, the bitterness heavy in his voice. "Radley was our hope. Without him, we were all lost."
The woman gave a curt nod. "Even if Radley himself is fit to be mayor, should his friends be allowed to be deputies after how they gave in and joined the enemy? They claim they won't do it again, but how can we trust them? Not to mention the entire lot of them are delinquents as well!"
Radley looked furious now. "They are not," he insisted, somehow keeping hs voice relatively even despite his anger. "They're all good."
"These are two separate issues," Kalin declared. "Let's just worry about Radley as mayor right now."
"They are the same issue!" the woman replied. "If Radley is mayor, he will choose whom he wants to be our law enforcement. It's not like the usual county arrangement, where the mayor doesn't have power over sheriff and deputies."
"Radley won't choose anyone he doesn't fully believe will pull their own weight," Kalin retorted.
"Your position is well-secured," the woman informed him. "Everyone wants you as sheriff, even some who don't want Radley as mayor."
"And what's their real reason for not wanting Radley?" Kalin was aware his voice had gained an edge, but he didn't care. Hearing so many arguments being leveled at Radley was infuriating him. It dug far too deep after how he had tried to make himself believe Radley was bad.
"We want fresh leadership," the woman said. "Not someone whose methods failed!"
"They failed?" Kalin countered. "He kept the town safe from a totalitarian takeover for years. He knew that would happen if Malcolm got control, and he was exactly right! He never gave up trying to get help to completely overthrow Malcolm without endangering the town in the process." He stepped forward. "And you started your arguments by talking about how Radley dresses. It sounds to me that your main reason for not wanting him in is because of that. Anything else you say is additional and meant to pad your argument, but isn't even the real reason for your dislike of him!"
The woman didn't even bother to deny it. "He dresses like a delinquent and shows by his actions that he truly is one!"
"He shows that he truly cares about this town and all of you," Kalin retorted. "He's a good businessman, but he hasn't lost his heart like so many do. He looked after the town the way he felt was best and he protected you from Malcolm's threats and cruelty as much as he could. When he fell, the town fell apart without him! How he dresses shouldn't even be an issue."
"He wears jewelry!" the woman snorted. "It's completely inappropriate!"
"You don't want him as mayor because he wears an earring?!" Kalin shot back.
"He doesn't belong in a position of power in a town that's trying to become respectable," the woman insisted. "All of us feel the same."
A couple of the women behind her firmly nodded, but Kalin was quick to note that some of the others now looked hesitant to agree.
"Actually, I think some of you are realizing how idiotic this farce is," Kalin said. "It's not about whether Radley is good at what he does. It's not even about him and Malcolm facing off. It's about old-fashioned, childish prejudice. After having grown up in the Satellite, I can see it for what it is. Most people here can. And if that's really your only actual objection to Radley, we should just stop this here and now. I'm sure all of us are far too busy to take time out for something pointless like this. I know I am."
Many murmurs of assent rose in the crowd.
"Maybe we should back down, Bettina," one of the hesitant women whispered to the spokesperson. "Does it really matter that he wears jewelry?"
"What matters is what that symbolizes!" Bettina snorted. "Respectable people don't do that!"
"Oh? Does that mean you don't consider Jack Atlas respectable either?" Radley remarked. "He was the Champion and the face of New Domino City for quite some time."
Bettina humphed. "Is that all you have to say?"
"I have a lot I could say," Radley remarked, "but Kalin has already said most of it." He smiled, deeply moved, before sobering as he continued. "I don't deny that protecting the town from Malcolm didn't go as I'd hoped. So many people suffered, and a lot of them will go on suffering the effects of Malcolm's cruelty for God knows how long. But all along I was looking for the person who could help lead us to victory, and in Kalin I found that person. None of you deny that. And with Kalin at my side going forward, I know we will lead this town to prosperity and respectability even with my earring." He casually flipped his hair back over his shoulder, displaying the offending object even more clearly.
The Bunch whooped and cheered. Many of the townspeople clapped and shouted their support.
"As to who else I'll choose as law enforcement, Kalin is right that I won't pick just anyone," Radley said. "I'll choose people I feel will honor their badges. I do intend for at least some of the Bunch to be deputies. They were often treated as delinquents by judgmental people like Ms. Bettina and her group, people who weren't willing to look beyond appearances to the actual human beings underneath. I was willing to do that when others weren't, and I found a lot of great guys there. I hope all of you will give them a chance too."
"But they betrayed you, Radley!" one person shouted, and others murmured their agreement.
The Bunch looked down, shamed. Billy especially seemed ready to bolt.
"We were all scared," Radley said. "The Bunch weren't the only ones whose behavior wasn't the greatest. But they've learned from their mistakes. I hope they'll be given another chance."
The townspeople clapped, some with politeness but the majority with sincerity.
"What if they run again?" someone called.
"I don't think they will," Radley said. "They won't wanna make a liar out of me."
"We'll never let that happen!" Clint declared, and the people clapped.
Finally Bettina just scowled. She could see it was a lost battle. She stepped back, never losing her poise. "I have said our piece. That is all."
"Then I think we're done here," Radley said.
Everyone started to get up. Radley smiled, stepping closer to Kalin. "Hey, everything you said . . . I really appreciate it. You've changed a lot from the guy who wouldn't even admit to being my bodyguard." He touched Kalin's arm.
"I have," Kalin agreed, "and I'm glad I have. It's what you deserve."
Radley smiled more.
"I just hope the Bunch will be what you need too," Kalin continued.
Radley sobered. "Yeah. I can't deny these are legit questions about their capabilities and qualifications. Of course I'm going to praise them up, even though privately I'm a little concerned too."
"They seem sincere about not letting you down again," Kalin said. "Although they also seemed sincere before." He sighed.
"I really think they mean it," Radley said. "I think they meant it the first time too. . . . They just weren't expecting Lawton to be so scary. Yeah, that could happen again, but I'm pretty sure knowing I actually died because of him and partially because of their cowardice will make them shape up. Of course, if anything does happen on the job with them running away again, I won't be able to be so lenient. The town needs people who will look after them even if they're scared."
"Hopefully neither of us will ever have to pull rank on them," Kalin said.
Radley nodded in tired agreement. "Well, we'd better get to bed so we won't be zombies tomorrow."
"Let's hope Scotch won't be a zombie," Kalin grunted.
"I'm still more worried he may be so upset about me being targeted that he won't be able to concentrate," Radley said. "Hopefully he'll focus on how the meeting was a victory for us instead."
"Yeah." Kalin frowned. "Was it a real victory, though? Or will Bettina and her group come back with a vengeance?"
Radley shook his head. "People like that will always find more faults with you."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Kalin said.
