"Cassidy, it's time for school!" Mami's voice is the last thing I want to hear this early in the morning.

"I don't feel good." I mumble out, sinking further into my bed as the covers come over my head. Is it the gut-wrenching anxiety? Or the fact that I heard them arguing last night about me and the game I love the most. They don't know, obviously, but I sat outside of their door last night, wanting to walk in and be a sad little girl asking to sleep with them. But instead, I hear my moms arguing.

"Cassidy Noelle." She sounds serious, but I don't have the energy to care right now.

"Cassidy." She sighs in frustration, finally pushing my dark bedroom door open. I don't care, the covers are so far over my head I only know she opened the door because I heard the obnoxious creak it makes.

She comes to sit on my bed, reaching her hand out to place it on my back. "Don't." Pulling away I shift farther from her, now she'll know I'm mad, but I'm sure as hell not going to tell her why, not right now, not even if she forces it out of me, which she won't. "I'm having a bad day, alright?" The words barely escaped my mouth loud enough for her to hear.

"Okay." I hear the nod in her voice, and the disappointment. I'm supposed to be her perfect child and I'm letting her down. As always. "Just stay up on school, okay? If you need anything, Mama's working from her studio today so she's just down the street." She kisses the back of my blanket covered head and squeezes my calves, her soft reminder that she cares.

The moment I hear the door close I jump up as fast as I can and sprint to my bathroom to settle the awful feeling that's been in my stomach since I woke up. After I get myself together and dress in something comfortable, knowing I have the house to myself, I put in my Air Pods and go downstairs to make myself breakfast. As I'm scream-singing Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs making toast for myself, suddenly Mama comes in the back door and scares the life out of me.

"You can't just do that!" I yell, ripping out my headphones. "What if I stabbed you, huh? Or kicked you, I have very strong legs you know." I mumble that last part a little too aggressively.

"Woah." She steps back, hands in the air. "I'm sorry, Cass, I didn't mean to scare you. Honestly when Mami said you were staying home today I thought you'd still be in bed." She chuckles the last part, offering me a soft smile.

"I- Yeah. That is a fair assumption I guess." I shrug, putting one of my headphones back in, just wanting to finish my toast so I can go crawl back into bed to cry.

"Hey, Cassidy..." Her voice was soft, but trailing off, I know she wants to talk. "Mami did say you were having a bad day; do you want to talk about it?"

"No, Mom, not really." I sigh softly, spreading cinnamon butter on my toast. "I want to eat this toast and go back to bed, Mami said you were working at the studio today anyways, so you'll be like four minutes away." At this point I'm halfway up the stairs with my toast and juice. "I'm fine, though, really." I add the last part to try and convince her.


By the time I woke up from the nap that lasted until early afternoon, Luna was with Aunt Rachel and Aunt Quinn and my moms were downstairs waiting for me. "Oh, come on." I groan softly to myself; this truly is the last thing I need right now. "Does this have to happen right now? I just woke up from probably the greatest nap of my life." I try and lighten the mood with my charm, but it's not working.

"Come sit, noodle." Mama pats the spot between them, offering open arms, but my feet are frozen to the floor. The feeling from this morning is back in my gut and all I want to do right now is run to the bathroom. By some miracle I'm able to bring myself to sit between them, leaning into Mama more for the little extra comfort for what's about to come.

"Can I just say, before we start. That I am very sensitive right now and I have the worst feeling in my stomach and if it were up to me, I'd be in the bathroom in this moment." I look at them with a soft smile before sucking my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Baby, we just want to know what is going on with you. Mami said you pushed her away this morning and that's not very like you." I knew this was coming, why did I sleep instead of mentally preparing for this.

"I'm just tired, Ma." I lie, shrugging. I know she knows I'm lying, but what can I do? I'm not ready to sit here and tell them I heard their conversation last night and it tore me apart until I cried to sleep.

"I know it's more than that, noodle, and it's okay to tell Mami and I whatever it is you're going through." She brushes hair away from my face, gently running her fingers across my cheeks as she does.

"I'm just not read to yet." My words stay soft, barely leaving my mouth but loud enough for them to hear. "I promise I'm not going to like, go off the deep end again or something. I've got control over it now." Do I? Am I lying to myself too now? "And I'll go to school tomorrow, Mami, so I don't miss anymore."

"I'm more worried about you than I am about school." That's a surprising response considering how last night she basically told Mama all she wants for me is school. "If you're not ready to talk about it, that's okay, but what isn't okay is keeping yourself locked away in your room all day." I nodded to that, she had a point, it would only make how I was feeling worse. Even I knew that and yet I slept all day to avoid reality.

"I understand." I snuggle deeper into Mama, getting more comfortable in her arms. "Can we have a movie night then? The three of us?" My eyes light up, knowing that Luna's having her weekly sleepover with Aunt Rachel and Aunt Quinn.

"Of course, noodle." I get forehead kisses from them both, causing me to smile a genuine smile for the first time in I don't even know when.

Mami gets up to make the popcorn and get the drinks, while me and Mama get snuggled up together.

"So, your sister is having an extended stay with Rachel and Quinn, and Mami works late tomorrow, I was thinking you and I could have a us day?" My head snapped up at Mama's question, my head instantly nodding yes.

"Of course!" I squeal excitedly, trying to keep quiet so Mami doesn't hear our secret plan. "Can we get our nails done? And ice cream?" The smile plasters my face, I can't remember the last time Mama and I spent the day together just the two of us.

"Anything you want tomorrow. Think of it as a mental reset day." She winks just as Mami comes back into the living room with everything.


The next thing I know, I'm snapping awake from a horrible anxiety nightmare, and I'm covered in sweat. Somehow, I ended up back in my own bed. I must have fallen asleep during the movie and moms carried me back upstairs. Impressive. I rub my eyes, adjusting to the dim light coming from my bathroom as I let out a yawn. I take this opportunity to catch up on schoolwork and really sit with my thoughts. Do I quit soccer? It's my favorite thing in the world. Soccer, more than anything, has been the one thing that has always been there for me. Just me, the ball and some nets. Before I know it the suns up and Mama's knocking on my door.

"Hey noodle." Mama's perky this morning as she skips into my bedroom already fully dressed and ready for the day, she must be really excited about spending time together. "Sleep, okay? You're a lot heavier now than when you were three." She laughs, causing me to laugh.

"Uh, yeah. I slept well. I guess I've been awake for longer than I thought." I nod down to my scattered homework and journal. "Thank you, for carrying me to bed." I add with a giggle and an eyeroll. I can't lie, I am a Mama's girl and being around my her just makes me feel better in some weird ways.

"Do you need to nap before we go? I have to run Luna her stuffie, and Mami some lunch at the office you could nap while I'm gone." I shake my head, I feel fine, some coffee would help.

"I'll be okay, I want to see Quinn anyways." I can't ever say this out loud, but my aunt Quinn is my favorite. "I would feel a little better if I had some coffee." I add with a giggle, flashing my famous smile.

"Okay, coffee first." I smile happily and shove all my homework aside, hurrying to get dressed so we could start our day together.

Mama and I basically had the perfect day together. We got coffee on the way to bring Luna her stuffed animal and brought Mami lunch from her favorite restaurant. Afterwards we got our nails done and went out to lunch, which was followed by ice cream. By the time we got home I was exhausted but made it through dinner without falling asleep. I was so grateful to shower and get into bed, because as soon as I hit the pillow I'm escaping the questions floating around in the back of my mind.