Chapter 9: Desperation and Desire
Tatooine: 32 BBY
Even in the depths of a shadowed cave, hidden from the endless expanse of sky, with his eyes closed in meditation, Maul knew when night fell. As half the planet was cast in darkness a coolness laced the air caressing his fevered flesh. For the briefest of moments he allowed himself to feel relief as the suns turned their fiery fury towards new targets. But the feeling was short-lived. Just because one suffering had come to an end, did not mean he was not suffering at all.
The stumps of what remained of his legs burned as if each nerve was a lit fuse, and the pain crawled its way to every dark corner of his body, possessing him like the ghosts of the dead in the old religions were said to do. Maul embraced it until he was pain made flesh.
He would remember this as a reminder of a lesson learned, as a reminder of what it was to be weak. By knowing pain, he would know power. By knowing weakness, he would know strength. And he would do whatever it took, to make his old master know he had made a great and terrible mistake by discarding his apprentice like some disposable piece of trash. This was what truly angered Maul. The betrayal and the attempted murder were expected. Tradition. The way of the Sith since the rule of Bane.
No, that was not the main source of his rage. It was the way he had been cast aside, like some broken toy that no longer held value. To the dathomiran, he had envisioned the inevitable confrontation between master and apprentice as something of a climactic battle between two great forces of evil. Either when Darth Maul felt it was time to take his place as the most powerful of the two Sith or when his master felt the apprentice had finally grown strong enough to challenge for power. A battle between two warriors who both feared and respected each other. He had not expected to be treated as an expendable pawn in a game his master had never fully explained. His master neither respected him nor feared him.
That was something he would be sure to change.
Maul would survive, and grow stronger, and when the time was right, he would show his old master that he was a monster not even the clever old man could contend with. The Sith grinned a savage smile into the darkness, his dry, parched lips cracked so blood trickled down his chin. But Maul did not care as he sank deeper into his meditation, obsessing over his vengeance, growing the resentment and frustration, and forging it into the power that would help him achieve his bloody goals. The feelings of rage and selfish desire were tools that if honed and controlled could be weapons. Weapons he would need if he wished to defeat his greatest foe.
In all the years he'd spent training under the tutelage of the Sith, he had thought his enemies were the Jedi and he loathed them accordingly. He hated them still. But now, Maul realized he'd been wrong. The greatest threat had always been Darth Sidious.
He pulled on the dark side, feeding on its power, and then pulling for more. He needed more. More strength, more power. More, more, more…
If Maul wanted revenge he would have to take it and he would take everything from his old master, piece by piece. He would take everything from those who betrayed him, everything from anyone who dared to get in his way. By any means necessary.
It would be a challenge like nothing the apprentice had faced before. Then let this be his final test. The act that would prove he was worthy. He had waited too long for his master to give him a place in his grand plan, to give him the acknowledgment that he was a true Sith. But nothing was given freely, and he had paid the price.
But that thought brought Maul's thoughts to the child who had rescued him. Anakin Skywalker had come and saved his life, asking nothing in return. Of course, the boy was unaware of the monster Darth Maul truly was. Would this boy's actions have changed if he had known what it was he'd saved? Would he have still thought it was the right thing to do when it was Maul that had tried to kill one of his precious Jedi? Unlikely.
Another question beyond the 'why?' however was the 'how?'? How had the boy found him in the first place? The sandstorm would have obscured the sight of his ship as it crashed, let alone the mangled, half-buried heap it had become upon impact with the planet's surface. It would be possible if the boy had access to some kind of equipment that could track his ship, but Maul had seen no such tool on the boy. So had the grubby child been nearby when he had crashed by some stroke of luck or was it something else? Maul already sensed the answer to that.
There was only one answer that mattered. Anakin Skywalker had used the force.
Then, as if summoned by Maul's thoughts, Maul became aware of a presence approaching him from across the desert, and the Sith knew the boy was coming to him once more. Probably to uphold his promise of bringing more food and water. But Maul felt a surge of anticipation. Was this desert-dwelling brat a boon or bane? He would soon find out.
Maul eased out of his meditation, the connection to the force relaxing slightly as his consciousness came back to his physical self. Slowly Darth Maul opened his eyes and looked into the light of the starlit entrance to the cave.
Bent over and panting so hard his breath came out in harsh gasps that sounded as if each one shredded his throat, was the boy. When he finally caught his breath, he straightened and called out into the darkness, "Umm, Sir? Are you here?"
"Yes, boy," growled Maul. "Do not ask me stupid questions to which you already know the answer."
He could hear uncertain footsteps in the sand as the boy shuffled toward him. "Sorry. I thought I heard you but I couldn't see you. I probably should have brought a glowrod or something but I forgot. It's bright enough during the night with the moons and stars and all, but it's still pretty dark in here."
Maul remained quiet, letting the boy ramble. Instead, he concentrated on the force, sensing the emotions rolling off the boy like perfume. It was different than he had felt that morning. Oh, the boy still felt fear. Fear of the stranger before him, and a deeper fear that Maul could not quite place. Those had been there that morning, as well as a deep-seated anger that Maul also had noticed, and now found much more intriguing.
If the boy truly was force-sensitive, he might have just stumbled across something more valuable than Glitterstim; an illegal drug that was the most expensive variety of spice in the known galaxy. An unclaimed force-sensitive child with such powerful emotions was incredibly rare and highly desired by those who wielded the power of the force outside of the righteous Jedi. Every dark sider always had one thing in common. They each greedily lusted for a powerful apprentice. Maul was no different. An apprentice would certainly help expand his power and bring him closer to the power he would need for revenge.
More new the mix of the boy's emotions, was the feelings of shame, hatred, desperation, and helplessness. Something had happened in the time between dawn and nightfall to send the boy into a tumultuous confusion.
A shadow of an idea began to form in Maul's mind, but first, he needed information. A hunter had to know his quarry before he began to stalk his prey in earnest, and knowledge was just as important as skill. First, he would observe, and see what information the boy would offer up on his own.
"I brought some stuff. Food and water." The boy dumped a sack made of the same cloth as his clothes next to Maul. "I brought as much as I could." After offering up the supplies the boy retreated to the opposite wall of the cave and watched with ravenous eyes as Maul pulled out some kind of flatbread and a small chunk of meat the dathomiran could not identify. The boy's stomach rumbled loudly.
Maul lifted his eyes slowly. The boy tried to glare back, but couldn't seem to fully meet the warrior's gaze. He turned to look toward the window of the starlit sky the cave entrance offered and muttered, "Sorry."
Maul growled again, insulted that this boy was so pathetic. This boy who could be a force of nature was little more than a starving animal. Maul did not pity the boy, felt no empathy, and had no desire to nurse the thought that he was anything other than what he was. But if the boy felt slighted or disappointed that Maul did not coddle him by offering food or even sympathy, he showed no sign of it. In fact, he was silent as the injured warrior tore into the food. But Maul knew he was watching, even if the boy's head was turned to the sky, he watched the shadows where Maul ate from the corner of his blue eyes.
It was odd, that this child who had risked his life to save a stranger because he'd naively believed that that was the right thing to do, would also have the sense to be vigilant now. If the boy had been smart or had any sense of self-preservation he should have taken everything of value and left Maul to die in the desert. The actions conflicted and Maul wondered what kind of life the boy had lived to make him that way, or if normal people were all walking contradictions.
He had been taken from his mother and his home planet long ago and had been apprenticed to his master ever since. Darth Maul had been raised and trained in the shadows to be a Sith and knew no other way of life. He'd never thought anything of the way others lived, never cared. For the first time in his life, he now wondered what it was like to live like this boy had. Did he have a family? Someone who loved him? The concept was alien to Maul as the planet he now found himself on. Greed, ambition, anger, hate, cruelty and selfishness were the things he understood. And he could not understand Anakin Skywalker.
For all the boy's earlier talk, he now stayed quiet on the other side of the cave. Occasionally his eyes would drop to where the little light of the stars reflected off the alloy handle of Maul's lightsaber and something dark would cross his face.
After eating and drinking as much as his stomach could handle, Maul decided it was time to question the boy. Not just about the boy himself, but of the planet the abandoned Zabrak had unwittingly found himself on. "Tell me, boy," Maul said "What planet is this?"
"Oh, yeah. I forgot you probably didn't know. Sorry, I was in such a rush this morning. " The boy apologized. "This is Tatooine, also known as the poodoo pit of the galaxy. Okay, not really. I just call it that. There's not much else to tell, other than the Hutts are in charge here and you'd be a stoopa to mess with them." The boy cast a glance at the injured man before him and his lightsaber and it wasn't hard to know the boy was imagining what a confrontation between them might look like. "Anyway, if you know anything about the Hutts you can probably guess everything else."
Again, the boy glanced at Maul who nodded slightly to confirm he had, indeed, heard of the Hutts.
How fortunate Maul had crashed into a planet unassociated with the Republic, in a place where strangers were common and no one was likely to ask questions.
"Excuse me? Mister? How did you end up crashing here anyway? If you're a Jed- something more than a Jedi, who could manage to blow you up?"
Except, it seemed, this boy.
Who indeed had piloted the Firespray that had detonated a nuclear missile? Plutonium was not uncommon in the galaxy but the practice of weaponizing it was not only illegal but had been out of practice since the development of plasma technology. However, its effectiveness was not to be doubted.
"A good question," Maul acknowledged. "But an even better question would be how you managed to find me in the middle of a sandstorm."
The boy opened his mouth, ready enough to answer, but then he stopped closing his mouth in a contemplative frown. Finally, he said, "I…I'm not sure how to explain it. I was going home to get out of the storm but…" Again the boy fell silent as if struggling the find the words that might make sense. "I just felt like I should walk out into the storm without knowing why. I'm not crazy, I swear!" He looked at Maul as if trying to force the Sith to believe him. "I tried to ignore it at first, but… but I just felt like it was the right thing to do, I guess. It was like something was calling me to go into the desert and find you."
Slowly Maul said, "You felt the force call to you, boy."
Anakin Skywalker had the potential for power, there was no denying it now. The force had guided the child to him. Just as the force seemed to have guided him throughout his battle with the Jedi to fly towards Tatooine. To crash somewhere for the boy to find him. This boy was meant to be his.
"The force? What?" The boy scoffed in disbelief. "No way."
"Do not deny it!" Maul said sharply. "To do so is a great insult. You have something that a great many can only wish for."
"But, I can't. Wouldn't someone have noticed before now? Wouldn't I have known at least? It's not like I can move things with my mind like you can or do mind tricks?" The boy argued back.
Maul made a wide gesture, "This is Tatooine. The 'poodoo pit' of the galaxy. It is unsurprising you have remained undiscovered for so long. Perhaps if you were from the Republic the Jedi would have taken you."
Those were the wrong words to use. The boy's face went through a myriad of changes, going through joy, wonder and then hope as he whispered, "I could be a Jedi?"
"No." Maul cut him off with an angry hiss. "You could have been a Jedi. But no longer. You are too old to train as one of them now. You would always be lesser than them and they would never accept you."
"Oh," muttered the boy softly, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.
The boy deflated but Maul had no desire to give the boy false comfort. This was the reality of things and there was something better than becoming a Jedi.
"Do not think the Jedi are so mighty. Knowledge of the force in this desolate place is poor but there are more than just the Jedi who are just as powerful if not more." Maul said, angry that the boy still thought the Jedi were better than him.
"Really? More powerful?" The boy asked curiously, and some of the disappointment left his face.
"As I have said, I am one of those. That is how I know you have the power to wield the force." Maul would not offer to train the boy. Instead, he would make the boy come to him. It would take time for the boy was still infatuated with the Jedi, but Maul would slowly change that. And he would have to recover if he truly wished to show the full power of the dark side to entice the boy to his side.
"How can you tell?" The boy asked sounding more and more curious and excited.
"Because you just explained to me that you felt something call you to find me. More than likely you've been using the force all your life thinking of it as instinct or possessing quick reactions. You probably have sensed things about to happen before they do. Am I right?
"I can't believe it," the boy whispered. The wonder in his voice said otherwise.
Then the boy's stomach rumbled loudly again, and he looked away face flushing in embarrassment.
Perhaps it was time for a test and a lesson. Maul would not have weakness in his apprentice. He would not have cowardliness.
"If you are hungry, take what you want," Maul said gesturing to the remaining, uneaten food.
The boy looked gratefully at the Zabrak, not realizing the trap in the Sith's words. Hesitantly he came forward, once more reminding Maul of a starving animal circling, waiting for scraps, but too timid to challenge for it.
When the boy drew close enough and his small hand reached for the sack of supplies, Maul hissed, "Get away from me, scum. This is mine." To reinforce his words he raised a hand and force shoved the boy away from him. Not hard, just enough for the boy to stumble back a few steps.
Shocked by the venom in the wounded man's voice, and surprised by the shove, the boy stared wide-eyed in confusion, his jaw working as if struggling to find the right words to say. Finally, the boy managed to recover enough to yell indignantly, "But you told me to take some! You offered!"
Maul reached for more of the dried meat and spat, "It was not an offer. I was not giving you what was mine. If you want something, if you want anything, you have to take it. Nothing is given for free, foolish child."
For a moment Maul thought the boy would say something about how it wasn't fair, but the boy did not. Instead, he ground his jaw and glared. Instead, he said, "Fine. You want something for it. But I can get food later. I don't have anything to trade anyway."
The Sith snorted. "You think I don't know that? No. You mistake me. I do not want anything from you for sharing a scrap of food."
"Then what the kriff is this all about? What was the point of all that?" The boy grumbled angrily. "Don't play around with me like some kind of child!"
"Then don't act like one." Maul gestured to the food. "Take what you want."
The boy huffed. "I'm not falling for that again."
Maul bared his teeth in mockery of a smile. "Take it," he ordered.
"How would I even do that? You won't let me." The boy snarked back.
If Maul could have stood, he would have taken the boy by the collar and made sure that the child would not make the mistake of talking to him in such a way again. The boy had mouthed off at him that morning but had quickly realized he should keep his tongue in check despite Maul not yet having given him a real reason to. But now that instinct of self-preservation seemed to have disappeared during the day. What had changed out was the boy simply that hot-headed?
"Take it by whatever means necessary," Maul answered, echoing his earlier thoughts. Keeping his voice even, but full of deadly intent he continued, "Take what you want. Hit me, kill me if you have to, sacrifice an arm if you want it more than a limb made of flesh. But do not wait for me to give it to you."
Horror filled the boy's young face, and he whispered, "What are you?" Not 'who are you?' But 'what?'
The Sith's eyes gleamed like the Tatooine's suns. "Figure it out yourself."
The boy eyed him hotly. His gaze flicked to the lightsaber on Maul's belt.
Maul could feel Anakin's desperation to lash out and hurt something, to release the pent up emotions building inside him, but after a moment his shoulders slumped and he cursed in an unfamiliar language. "Chuta!"
Maul had noticed before the boy's frequent glances at the weapon, the lightsaber which he had foolishly believed was a weapon only welded by the Jedi. It was a weapon that anyone would wish to own, but the boy looked at the blade like it was something he wanted to use. And a weapon was only used for one thing.
The Sith leaned back against the cool cock of the cave and unhooked the weapon from his side. "You're right. The food is pointless, there is no reason for you to risk yourself for something that you will gain through patience. That is something I still struggle to understand." He held out the lightsaber. "Take this then."
The boy's eyes widened as he took in the sight of such a powerful weapon, taunting him. It was right there, and it seemed all he had to do was reach out and take it. Of course, the boy knew it would not be easy as Maul had proved he would not merely give it up. But he could see the desire there in the boy's eyes. The desperate light of hope.
But the Anakin turned away quickly as if he could no longer bear to look at it. "There's no point," he said quietly. "It wouldn't change anything."
Curious Maul asked, "And why would it not?"
Whirling back in anger, Anakin shouted, "It just wouldn't. There would be no point. I'm just a kid!" Then more quietly he said, almost in confession, "I'm just a slave."
"So?" Asked Maul without pity. "Do you want freedom?"
The boy looked outraged at the question. "Of course I do!"
"Then take it!" Maul snarled. "Or do you foolishly wait for a Jedi to come and save you? Because if that is the measure of your desire to be free, you deserve to be enslaved!"
"I don't know how!" Screamed the boy jumping to his feet, his face twisted into despair. "You think I don't know that I have to take what I want? That nothing comes free. I was born a slave! Do you know how much I want to kill everyone who enslaves me? My mother? But. I. Can't." Anakin ground out the last few words as if saying them more slowly would somehow make Maul understand.
Anakin continued to yell, but the words that erupted out of him were not just for Maul, but for something else. Maybe the words were also meant for himself.
"If I had a choice between freedom and slavery of course I'd want freedom! But what if freedom was really a choice between slavery and death? Is that even a choice? What would hitting, killing, and sacrificing my body do?" Anakin stood in front of Maul and kicked away the bag of remaining food and looked at him with desperate eyes.
Even sitting, Maul's were still level with those of Anakin's. The Sith looked back at him coldly.
"If you're better than a Jedi, then tell me," Anakin whispered, voice pleading. "What would any of it do? What would you do if you had a slave chip that would blow you up if you raised your hand against your master? Your way of life?"
An ironic question, since Maul's master had tried to blow him up. But he'd survived.
Thanks to the boy.
A boy who was not so much a boy. He understood more than Maul had given him credit for. Of course, that was before he'd learned of the enslavement. The boy had already learned the harsh realities of life.
Anakin went on to answer his own question. "Nothing. It means nothing because nothing would change except I'd be dead. And if I'm dead…" Here his voice quivered, "I won't even have hope. At least now I can hope that a Jedi will come and save me."
He pulled back from Maul and took a long shaken breath before turning and heading for the cave entrance. Before he left, still silhouetted by the stars he bent to pick something from the ground.
It was the half-empty sack, Anakin had kicked away from Maul. He heard the boy snort. "I'll be taking this. Thanks for the free lesson." Without looking back he disappeared into the desolate night.
And behind him, in the empty cave, with shining yellow eyes Maul watched him go and grinned a sinister grin. Anakin Skywalker would be back.
Yes! I know Maul is victim blaming Anakin. Yes, I know its toxic and f*cked up. But you can't tell me any relationship between these two would be any other way.
Anyway, keep in mind that you should not talk to suspicious strangers who fall from the sky, and make sure to eat your vegetables.
