Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
Chapter 38: The Motivation Behind Action
"I'm glad you purged the anti-socialness out of your system." Kushina looked at her in a cross manner.
Sakura smiled at her hoping to disarm some of the animosity she was feeling. She had created it with her actions. She fully accepted that.
"I just didn't want to bring you into my drama. You and the girls have been through enough of that already."
Kushina clicked her tongue. "That's bullshit. That's the lie you tell yourself."
Sakura made a noncommittal sound. She had been doing a lot of that lately. "I'm glad that we could do this. Thanks for having us over at the last minute." She could hear the kids playing outside through the open window.
"You know I always make too much food anyway." Kushina sighed. The shadow clone she had outside was a real lifesaver. She never envisioned using that jutsu in this way.
"Can I just say I'm glad Spider is not your shadow anymore?" Kushina grumbled. "She gives me the creeps, dattebane! And I can't believe the bitch didn't give you any of the food I brought over."
"Careful, the walls have ears, Kushina-chan," Sakura warned her half-heartedly. "I really miss having Akemi around. It feels like I'm blind on top of everything else." She sighed. "I'm sorry she did that. I have no idea why."
"I worked so hard on the bread, just to get it right," Kushina lamented. "She's unhinged."
"I know," Sakura said with longing. "Kami. I love bread. I love your bread. It's such good bread." She mourned the loss of the loaf.
"Whatever. If I never see her again it would still be too soon." Kushina flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I'll bake you more bread. And I'll make sure you are the one taking it from me."
Sakura smiled at her in thanks.
"You look really happy." Sakura verbalized what she saw. Kushina had a sense of ease about her. She had been content before but this was on a different level. Sakura could not help but smile.
"I am," Kushina looked at her hands. Something shifted in her tone.
"But?" Sakura asked her. She watched Kushina's face closely. She ignored Naruto's voice yelling that he loved ramen the most.
Kushina sighed. "I can't help but feel guilty."
Sakura tilted her head. She bit back a joke about that being her job. She waited for Kushina to elaborate.
"There is still a very real need out there. Shinobi die every day. Kids get orphaned every day. The work I did was important, it is important. I'm so happy to have the girls. It's the best thing that happened to me. But I can't help but think about all those kids who are alone and all those families that are waiting to feel how I feel, complete." She covered her face with her hands.
She took a deep breath. She looked at Sakura with a solemn face.
"I want to keep doing what I did. Does that make me selfish?"
Sakura looked at her like she had grown another head. "No! It makes you the opposite."
"You heard Mai. You read the reports. The girls are doing well. Things are progressing. I need to be here to make sure that continues. I can't impede that." She let out a growl. "They should be my focus."
"They are, Kushina. It's amazing how well they are doing and the progress they are making. I was worried we would have to ultimately turn to medication when I read Mai's assessment of Tukiko coupled with what I heard and saw." She kept her voice low from stray ears. "I'm blown away by the strides they are making. It's because of you and your commitment to them." Sakura told her firmly.
"You are putting them first. Anyone can see that. They are doing well because of the time and care you give them. It's okay to want other things for yourself. You still are your own person."
"We all struggle with a sense of identity. Being a mom is a disruptive life change. Suddenly what you want and you need is secondary. Maybe not even that. You can still be a good mom and not lose yourself in the process." Sakura told her emphatically. "I would lose my mind if I didn't have my job. I was losing my mind when I took that break for six months. It's a huge part of who I was before kids and it will continue to be a huge part of my life after they are grown."
"Don't feel guilty. Take it from me. If you are happy, the girls will be too. If work is what you need to be at your happiest do it. It will benefit everyone in the long run. Not to mention it sets a great example for the girls." She finished emphatically. She was too worked up. She could clearly picture Tsunade's disapproval.
Kushina bit her lip. She heard what her friend was telling her. She did not want to spend years of her life neglecting what fulfilled her. She did not want to become one of those people that lived vicariously through their children. It was just sad. She wanted both. She wanted them to be happy and she wanted her job.
"Maybe once the girls are a little older?" She said hopefully. She could wait that long. She could even train people in her network to do the work she did in the meantime.
Sakura nodded encouragingly. "Yeah, maybe when they are older. You'll figure it out."
Kushina tucked hair behind her ear. "There's more, I want to continue to do the work with Joben." She looked at Sakura. The medic stared at her blankly.
"Joben?" She asked slowly.
"There's something I need to tell you," she paused for dramatic effect. Sakura leaned forward in her seat. "Joben is A."
Sakura's jaw practically fell to the floor. "No way." She said in unfiltered disbelief. "Like A, A? Your A?"
Kushina nodded so enthusiastically that Sakura thought her head would roll off her shoulders. Kushina could feel the heat rushing to her face.
"Yeah! He's A, dattebane. I found out by accident. I noticed the messenger hawk I used to communicate with landed on a house in Konoha weeks ago. Before the hearing madness. He sent back a letter. I think he waited the exact number of days it takes before sending it so that I would not get suspicious, and the letter was horrible, dattebane! It was super passive-aggressive. He said something about me not losing my light. I was outraged so I walked up to the house with the full intention of telling A off for ending a multi-year partnership in that way, dattebane. And it was Joben who opened the door. I got so mad. I was seeing red, dattebane."
Sakura's face went blank as she unjumbled the word vomit that Kushina spewed on her. She did not even pause between some words. But she had gotten fluent at deciphering all that is Kushina.
"Wow," she said uncreatively. "So he's known about you this whole time but you didn't know about him until recently."
Kushina nodded. "Yeah! Can you believe it? He said he wanted me to like him for who he was and not what I had built up in my head. He told me that he fell in love with me twice! The first time with my heart. And the second time with the person I was."
Sakura's heart melted. "Kushina!" She gushed. "That is so sweet." Sakura squealed like a love-sick genin. "What did you say?" Her green eyes sparkled with anticipation.
"I jumped him," Kushina responded with unapologetic shamelessness.
Sakura burst out laughing after it took her a second to process. Kushina looked at her and found herself joining in on the hysterics. She was happy. She did not need much provocation to laugh.
"Oh man," Sakura dried the tears from her eyes. "I needed that." She sighed deeply. She looked at Kushina's flushed face. She leaned forward. She beckoned Kushina to do the same. The woman pressed her palms on the table and did so. "So how was he?" She asked in a low tone.
Kushina turned even redder. Her face matched her hair. She bit her lip.
"Good."
Sakura leaned back. She did not look impressed. "Six years of listening to you go on and on about how amazing A must be as a person - yada yada - and now that finally, something happened between you two, all you got for me is good?"
Kushina scrunched her face. "It was amazing. But I'm a lady so that's all you're going to get out of me."
Sakura snorted. "If you say so." She sighed. "I'm glad that things are working out. Your in-your-head boyfriend and your real boyfriend are the same person. That's pretty crazy." She said with a smile.
Kushina cupped her face in her hands. "It really is." She gave a dreamy sigh. "I feel like a teenager again. All sappy and over the moon. I keep catching myself smiling or singing. Everything is colorful and vibrant. It's disgusting."
Sakura laughed. "It's amazing." She teased. "Enjoy it. I hope that feeling never goes away for you." She meant every word.
Kushina smiled. She regarded her friend. She looked tired.
"How are things with Minato?"
Sakura moved in her seat. She rested her arms on her stomach.
"I don't know. We're just coasting right now." It was the truth. They both avoided bringing up any topics that could lead to disagreement. The list was getting longer by the day it seemed. "But we'll be okay. I know we will."
Kushina smiled. She hoped it was reassuring. "Good."
Sakura looked at her watch. "I really should get back to the hospital." She did not make a move to get up.
"Leave Naruto here," Kushina said.
"You sure? I wouldn't want to bother you." Sakura asked out of politeness.
Kushina frowned. "I know we haven't talked in a while but that doesn't mean you need to be all stiff. He's not a bother. He never is. Neither are you. Go back to work. I'll bring him to the hospital before the end of your shift." She knew just how much Sakura enjoyed their family walks home every evening.
Sakura smiled. "I don't know how I'll ever repay you."
Kushina shook her head. "He's mine too."
Sakura smiled at the words. They were the words Sakura had said to Kushina when she put him in her awaiting arms.
She felt surprisingly calm. Her head was clear. Her thoughts were aligned. She knocked on the door. She did not wait for acknowledgment, she opened the door and stepped inside. She was expecting her. Tsunade stood up. Sakura closed the door behind her. She locked it. Tsunade watched as the pinkette came to a stop an arm's reach from her.
"What did you want to talk about?" Tsunade asked her without wasting any more time. When Sakura told her she needed to talk to her about something important this morning her curiosity had been piqued. The woman was completely focused. It had to be something major to warrant her demeanor.
"I know who the ANBU is," Sakura said with absolute certainty.
Tsunade blinked. She was thankful that she had enough foresight to ward her office against prying ears and eyes years ago when Sarutobi gave it to her when she decided to stay in the village. It made her feel less anxious about situations such as this.
"Why are you telling me and not the Hokage?" She asked in a careful tone. If she knew then the ANBU should be behind bars. They should not be chatting.
"Because I think Minato's been marked. I think I've been sealed too." Sakura said flatly.
Tsunade searched her face for any traces that this was some kind of joke. She found none. She bit her thumbnail. She did not want to believe it.
"It's Spider, Tsunade-sama. She's the ANBU behind everything." Sakura said solemnly. It was all very level in her accusation. There was no feeling behind it.
"How do you know?" Tsunade could not help but ask. She was not seeing it.
"Spider was there for the council meeting, she had access to Bat, and she had access to Minato. It explains why he's been acting so strangely. A couple of days ago I nearly lost control of myself with Naruto. The ANBU's been one step ahead this whole time. She is in his inner guard. She is the one to allegedly find the person after me. She destroyed the body. She's shady. It's her." Sakura listed off Spider's offenses.
"That's thin, Sakura," Tsunade said slowly. Spider was in the shadow guard previously; she could have snuck into the room when they discussed the seals before Bat was poisoned badly. There were a lot of ifs. All Tsunade knew was that Sakura did not like Spider even if they were friendly towards one another for a while.
Sakura frowned. "It fits. I know it's her. I can feel it in my bones. She's been taunting me this whole time. First, she meets with Naruto without asking or telling me or Minato. She established a relationship with him. She told me how her mother got involved with a married man and they had an affair that spanned years which resulted in her. How her mom was convinced the man would leave his wife for her. And she told me that the husband's wife was pregnant too! It's too much Tsunade-sama. It's her!" Sakura was starting to get more and more agitated, more and more deeply rooted in her conviction.
Tsunade chose her words carefully. "It could all just be a coincidence. She overshared. It happens. ANBU is a really lonely profession. Maybe she was just trying to forge a connection with you. Gain your sympathy." Kami knew Sakura had that stuff in abundance.
Sakura shook her head. "He's talking to her Tsunade-sama. They talk. The nights he doesn't come home. When he's working late. He tells her things. She told me." Sakura's voice was anguished. There was torment in her eyes.
Tsunade paused. Months worth of repressed anger had built up inside of her. It was ready to combust at the slightest spark. She exhaled slowly.
Sakura was hurt. Sakura was hurting. Tsunade's instincts were telling her that Minato was the one responsible. She fought back the vile words working their way up her throat. Tearing into Minato now would not help anyone. Even if it would make her feel better.
"Sakura, I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. But I still do not think it's enough. Spider's behavior is odd. I'll admit but she wasn't raised to be ANBU from childhood. She became one well into adulthood. She might just not understand how things are done. She crossed lines but I don't think that warrants placing the blame on her." She said with temperance that she had to pull from deep inside of herself.
Sakura looked at her with traces of betrayal on her face. She could not believe that Tsunade was not seeing it. She thought for sure she would be on her side to validate what she knew she was feeling.
"He looks at me like he doesn't even know me, Tsunade-shishou. There's nothing in his eyes for me. That's not my Minato. I know that's not him. She's messing with his head." She said in a tone somewhere in between pleading and determined. "He's become a stranger to me."
Tsunade's heart panged in her chest. She took a deep breath. Whatever was happening between them was worse than she had thought. Sakura was barely holding it together. This theory was her only hope and that was why she was clinging to it so desperately. Tsunade could see that all over her face. It was the only thing that made sense to Sakura. She was stubbornly refusing to see the alternative that Tsunade saw.
"What do you need?" Tsunade asked her in a clear voice.
Sakura let out a relieved sound. "I need you to check my stomach for a seal. Spider touched it. I think that's when she put it on me."
Tsunade shook her head. "Sakura, I can't guarantee that I won't accidentally activate it. You could end up like Bat. I can't risk that."
Sakura grabbed her hand. "I trust you, Tsunade-sama." Her jade orbs frantically searched Tsunade's face. "You're the only one I can turn to. Please." She begged.
Tsunade frowned. She had a fifty percent chance of being right. Last night they were able to eliminate one of the options. But there could be an infinite number of seals. The scrolls were old. They did not evolve with the times. The odds could be 0.1% of being right. She had no way of knowing.
"Sakura, I can't. Don't ask me to do this." Tsunade could not be responsible. If anything happened to Sakura she would not be okay.
"We've been doing exams. You've been pouring chakra in that area. Nothing bad has happened yet. Maybe nothing bad will happen if we try." Sakura said gently. "We have to try."
She made the mistake of looking into her eyes. The same eyes of her brother, and of her lover. The eyes she could not deny. She felt her resolve chip away.
"If you give me more time," Tsunade began weakly.
"We can't wait." Sakura took a deep breath. "If it makes you feel better, place a bet against me. Bet that you'll activate the seal. Put it out into the world." She pulled out money from her pocket and put it on Tsunade's desk. "I have two hundred. What do you say?" Her green eyes were bright with anticipation.
"Sakura, this is serious." Tsunade felt her anger rise up. "This is your life!"
"I am serious, Tsunade-shishou." Sakura looked at her stomach. "If it goes south, keep me alive long enough for the baby to be at term. Then let me go."
Tsunade swallowed. Her brain did not compute how casually Sakura said the words. Her pink lips parted as she gathered her thoughts enough to form a coherent question.
"Have you taken the antidote?"
Sakura shook her head. "I don't know if it would be safe for the baby. I couldn't risk it."
"But you're okay with me risking it?" Tsunade asked her numbly.
Sakura smiled sadly at her. "I trust you. I'm okay with either option. Let me take the burden of making the call from you. We need this."
"What about Naruto?" Her voice broke.
Sakura blinked back the tears. "He needs his dad."
"He doesn't need you?" Tsunade looked at her with a broken expression.
"He has Kushina. He has you. He'll be fine." Sakura swiped at her eyes. "We need to find out about the seal. I can't let Spider get away with this."
"If it's her and I'm wrong, she will find out. The risk to you is not worth the payoff." Tsunade tried to get to her to see reason. "The ANBU has been patient. Minato's okay. You're okay. We're doing what we can."
"We're not doing all that we can," Sakura countered. "Spider is holding us all hostage. We're at her mercy. We need proof. We need to be proactive. We need to do this. Enough time has been wasted. At this rate, we are closer to running out of hospital beds than we are to stopping her."
"Sakura, this is your life." Tsunade's almond-color eyes were brimming with reluctance.
"She has my husband and my son," Sakura said with grave conviction. "What kind of life is it without them?" Now the tears did fall. "I need your help to keep them safe, to protect them. This is the only thing I can do for them. Please."
"If you're right and it all goes to shit," she cleared her throat. "He will never forgive you. They'll never forgive you."
"I know," she sniffled. "But maybe one day they'll understand and that is more than enough." She let out a shaky breath. "They won't blame you. Minato knows that when I make up my mind nothing can stop me."
"How can you be sure that I'll forgive myself?" Tsunade looked at her jade orbs.
"There's nothing to forgive, Tsunade-sama. You would not be doing this to me. You would be doing this for me." Her smile broke Tsunade's heart.
"You don't have to do this." Tsunade shook her head. She inhaled deeply. Her chest was heavy. "Bat is making progress. He could come back." Tsunade could not keep the doubt out of her voice despite her best efforts. "We can dose Minato. He can build up immunity. You do not have to do this."
"She's with him. If she catches on we've lost any element of surprise we have. We can't make the same mistake twice. Please, Tsunade-shishou." She held her gaze. "I need you."
Tsunade pressed her lips together. She squared her shoulders. She reached into the top drawer of her desk. She pulled out her wallet. She licked her thumb pad and counted out the bills.
"Two hundred." She threw them on top of the money already on her desk. "I activate the seal."
Sakura smiled at her. "Thank you, Tsunade-sama. I owe you my life a hundred times over."
"You owe me nothing," she said gruffly. "You can thank me after we find the seal." Tsunade cleared her throat. She sniffled. Her eyes were red. "Sit down."
Sakura nodded. She sat in Tsunade's chair. She rolled up her shirt.
"Here," she pointed to the spot Spider had touched. The patch of skin had not stopped tingling since she figured it out. It was not all in her head, she had to believe that. It was all she had.
Tsunade took a deep breath. She exhaled slowly. She brought her hands together. They were glowing a faint blue.
"Are you ready?"
Sakura nodded. She tilted her head back. She closed her eyes. The faces of her husband and son stared back at her. They looked so happy. She smiled. A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye. She sank her nails into the foam of the armrests.
Her heart was pounding in her ears as she stared at the blank face of her former student. Sakura was scared. Tsunade would have been even more concerned for her mental state if she was not. She herself did not know what to think, much less what to hope for. If there was a seal, it meant that she could very well indirectly kill her student. If there was not a seal, well…things would be tragic for a completely different reason.
Tsunade carefully brought her right hand to the area that Sakura had specified. She held her breath. Her eyes narrowed in surprise. Nothing. The skin did not change in any way. She moved her hand to a wider area. Her amber eyes looked closely for any change in the color or the texture of her skin. Nothing. She frowned. She moved through the other seals. Her hands were coated in a slightly blue light. She repeated the process. She tried to feel for any changes in her chakra whether there was a pull or not. She felt and saw nothing. Her hands stopped glowing. She took a half step back.
Sakura lowered her head to stare at her. "That was anticlimactic. Did you figure out what kind of seal it was already?" There was so much hope in her eyes along with relief.
Tsunade shook her head. Sakura's stomach dropped. "Well, that's okay. At least there's another data point."
"No," Tsunade called out. Sakura looked at her confused. "There's no seal."
Sakura frowned, not understanding. "What?"
"There's no seal on you, Sakura. Anywhere other than the ones we already know about. I stake my reputation on that." Tsunade looked at her carefully.
"No," Sakura shook her head. "No, that can't be right. I know it's Spider. She's the ANBU." She said adamantly.
"Sakura, there is no proof of that," Tsunade said firmly. She did not have the time to process her own relief that Sakura was not in danger. She was too busy trying to get the woman to understand. Such accusations would only make her situation worse.
"I know it's her." She said, barely keeping it together. Everything was coming crashing down around her. "It's her." She whispered.
Tsunade grabbed her hand. She watched as Sakura completely unraveled. The only thing keeping everything back had just given out. The dam broke.
Another day had come and gone and Itachi was no closer to learning anything more. He walked out of the Kurama compound gate. He instantly missed the clean air that their trees provided. They had just finished another training session. He was pleased with the progress that Yakumo was making, even Kurenai seemed more at ease. She was getting stronger both mentally and physically.
He walked towards the hospital. He did not have Sasuke with him and Itachi had already had his yearly exam. But he supposed no one would give it a second thought. He lived with the head medic. His presence could be explained in a number of ways.
He ignored the eyes he felt. He was used to being stared at; it came with the territory of being labeled a prodigy. He was not oblivious. He knew many believed that he was wasting his talents by not joining ANBU. Even by his conservative estimates, he knew he could be in the inner guard by mid-next year. He had the skill set and the Hokage trusted him. His wife and kid loved Itachi already. It was only the next natural progression.
He knew nothing would make his clan happier. They would have a man on the inside, someone with the Hokage's ear. He would be in a position of influence. He knew some of the old hardliners salivated at the thought. But it was a fantasy. He had no interest in being ANBU. Not anymore.
He turned the corner. He walked down the hall. He knocked on the door. He opened it when he heard a faint 'come in'. He opened the door. He was greeted by a familiar face. The brunette smiled at him.
"Good afternoon, Uchiha-san."
He nodded his head. "Nohara-san." He sat on the spot on the couch that she gestured.
"It's just us today." She looked over the clipboard with the checklist. "Before we get started are there any sparring injuries I need to take a look at?" Her brown eyes studied him intently.
Itachi shook his head. "I'm being more careful."
Rin smiled clearly pleased at his answer.
"Sensei already processed the urine sample she brought in this morning. Everything was fine there." She crossed out that checkbox. "So we'll take blood samples and do the chakra scan here. And then I'll meet you downstairs in the X-ray room. I'll leave the door unlocked."
He refrained from pointing out that it made no difference to him. He could sneak it just as easily if were locked. The security was very lax in the hospital. It explained why the bounty hunter chose it as the venue for his attacks.
Itachi held out his arm. She tied a blue band around his bicep. She instructed him to flex his arm slightly. He curled up his wrist. He watched as she felt around for the vein. She inserted the needle on her first attempt. She brought an empty veil that was labeled and began to fill it. She took five vials of his blood. She set them aside on the coffee table in front of him.
"Okay and now for the chakra scan." She said as she healed the puncture wound by touching one fingertip to the crook of his arm. It took less than two seconds. She brought her hands together. The soft green glow illuminated her face as she checked him. Her chakra did not feel any different from Sakura's. In fact, if he closed his eyes he would not be able to tell who was performing the exam. It spoke to her skill.
She worked diligently and quietly. He appreciated that about her. He looked at her face, it was pulled into a mask of concentration. She was taking it very seriously.
"Will you be moving into the compound once you marry Obito-san?" He asked flatly.
Her chakra fluctuated. She blinked at him in surprise. She recovered quickly. The flow was back to being steady and smooth.
"Well, that's an if not a when," she said more to herself. "Probably not." She looked at him. "The air is judgey and suffocating in that place." She cringed. "No offense."
Itachi was not offended. She spoke the truth. The compound was a hive mentality at its peak. Anyone who did not look or function like the narrow definition of an Uchiha had a rough go of things. She would not do well. She would be pressured to leave her job just as his mother had been.
"Okay. All done. Have you experienced any new symptoms recently?" She asked him curiously. Her pen was poised against the notes section of the sheet she was looking at.
Itachi looked at her. "Any changes?"
She lowered her eyes to the documents in her hand. "Sakura-sensei has to be the one to officially make the call but just as the official unofficial assessment the answer is no. I don't expect to see anything in the X-ray either."
Itachi nodded. "I have been experiencing some tightness in my chest."
Rin kept her face neutral. "Is it persistent? Or does it come and go?"
"It comes and goes," Itachi answered. He watched her closely.
She put the clipboard aside on the table. She brought her hands to his chest again. The soft green flickered to life. She closed her eyes as she visualized what the chakra was telling her. She pulled back after a couple of minutes.
"Everything in your lungs is clear. Your heart is strong." She tapped the end of her pen to her chin. "It's probably anxiety and stress-related."
Itachi frowned. He did not believe it. "I'm not anxious. I don't have anxiety."
Rin smiled at him softly. "No one is saying you are or do. We all get a little anxious from time to time. It doesn't mean we are anxious people." Her eyes regarded him warmly. "You have a lot going on. Your environment has changed and I know first hand the Namikaze household is very different from your typical Uchiha family. So there is bound to be some stress cropping up. The mental stress of it all is manifesting physically. It's totally normal." She assured him. "I can hand you a pamphlet with some techniques and tools for dealing with anxious feelings if you'd like?" She offered kindly.
"I'll think about it." He said in a flat tone.
She nodded. "Okay. I will see you down in the X-ray room."
Itachi watched as she left the office without a word. He waited five minutes before teleporting into the room, she was just opening the door when he reappeared.
"How is your friend?" She asked in a quiet volume as he emerged from the room.
"About the same." He answered truthfully. He had lost more of his muscle definition.
She looked at the book under his arm. "Did you finish it?"
Kakashi nodded. "Between sensei reading in the mornings and me when I can, we finished. I think I read about a third of it."
Shizune exhaled forcefully through her nose. "So basically all the important parts."
"I am now an expert on the solar system." He looked at her. Her white coat was nowhere to be found. "Are you finishing up?"
Shuizune nodded. "My shift ended thirty minutes ago. I wanted to say goodbye before I left." She looked at the ground embarrassed by the admission.
He felt a warmth rise in him. She had waited for him.
"Do you want to get something to eat?" He watched as her face lit up and just as quickly became muted. "You have plans."
She looked at him guilty. "It's long withstanding plans. We have a monthly trivia and game night with some of my coworkers here. It's silly and dumb but I like it. We usually eat there too. It completely slipped my mind. I didn't go last month and I promised them I was going tonight given how busy you've been with everything." She admitted.
He said nothing as he processed. She looked at him hopefully. "If you're not doing anything you could come with me." She said timidly.
He blinked. "Is that okay?"
She nodded. "There is always way too much booze and food anyway. Most people bring their partners." Her cheeks flushed red. She looked away.
"You want me to meet your friends?" He asked slowly.
"If you're up for it." She smiled shyly at him. "I don't want you to feel pressured into saying yes. It's totally fine either way."
"Do you want me to go?" He held her gaze.
"I would like that." She said firmly. "Rin-chan said she might go, which means Obito-kun might be there. Are you okay with them knowing?"
"Let's go." He said with a nod.
She beamed at him. "They are going to love you." She looked at him surprised. He had intertwined their fingers. Her face felt like a supernova. She turned her head to hide her blush as her heart continued to soar.
Kushina yawned loudly. She looked at the row she had just crocheted. The blanket was coming together and not a moment too soon. The weeks were flying by. Karin would be starting in the academy in a couple of days. She did not know if Tukiko would be ready to be by herself while her sister was in class. Kushina was worried about it.
Mai had told her that the only way they would find out was by seeing and doing. Kushina had considered volunteering in Karin's class that way Tukiko would be there but Mai had convinced her that would hamper both their development. She sighed as she added more and more to the baby blue blanket.
Who would have thought raising children would be so difficult? There seemed to be a million and one ways to completely scar a child for life more than their profession, even. She supposed it was fine. It was like Mito told her. She would lead with love. She would be brave. She would be there for them in whatever way they needed. That she could do. Everything else was just noise.
Her eyelids were beginning to feel heavy but she stubbornly kept at it. She hummed softly to herself to stay awake. Her hands worked quickly. She needed to finish this blanket before the baby arrived. She was not going to let her new niece down.
The night was quiet. It was still. It was the kind of night that would drag on forever. She stared up at the stars. They surrounded her. Her mind was miles and miles away. Her mind was where her heart was. She thought of her daughter.
It was hard being away from her. She had not interacted with her for three years now. That was nearly half her life. She wondered if her daughter would recognize her if she were walking down the street. She wondered if her daughter had any memories of her. She was so young when she left. She had done it in the middle of the night. She left her mother to deal with her daughter's disappointment.
She was a sweet baby. She had the most beautiful expressive eyes. They were the eyes of her mother. Green. She was sensitive. She took every little thing to heart. She was quick to cry. Quick to trust. Quick to love. Her daughter's face was an open book, it took minimal effort to know what was on her mind and what was in her heart.
She had only been two but she could see her personality start to come out. She was as smart as a whip. She loved her so much. She was her everything. She was the only thing she did right in the world. That was why she could not be with her. She could not risk corrupting her with her hatred, her anger.
Her heart was not always that way. It was not always so full of anger or hatred. She had been a lot like her daughter, in the beginning. Her heart has contained love. Love for her mother. Love for her father.
She fantasized he would come back for them. That he would save them from the life they lived, the scorn and ostracization they faced. He was going to take them away far from their circumstances. He was going to make her mother happy and they were going to be a family. He would claim them as his own. That was the dream her young childlike heart carried.
She had spent the majority of her first eight years of life daydreaming about him. What he looked like, what he sounded like. If his eyes crinkled the ways hers did when she laughed. She looked at every man in the village hoping to find him in the crowd. She just wanted his love. She looked for someone with pink hair and blue eyes.
She knew she had his eyes and his hair. Her mother told her that much. Hair. It was what connected the three of them: her daughter, herself, and her sister. She was the only one out of the three to get his eyes too. She was also the only one to get his vibrant bright pink hair. Her daughter and Sakura had the same hair, a soft pink. Closer to the iconic cherry blossoms that are most recognized.
When she looked in the mirror she did not see her mother's features. She only saw the features of a stranger. A stranger whom she wanted to have the opportunity to know more than anything. She had given up hope of finding him. She only had his last name to go off of. Haruno. No one seemed to know of him or his wife. He upped and vanished.
But eight years ago, something unexpected happened. She heard that name again. Haruno. The head medic in a village called Konoha. A medic with pink hair, right there in the middle of the Bingo Book. She was only a few weeks younger than herself. It was her half-sister. She now had a name, a face, and a place. Her search and purpose were renewed.
She had promise as a shinobi. She was self-taught. She was denied admission to the academy when she ran away for the first time at the age of eight. They had told her they did not want one of her 'kind' corrupting their children. She was banned. She was chased away. She had no choice but to go back to her mother. She had no one else.
Her mother had stuck her across the face. She had never seen her green eyes so angry before. She tried to explain that she wanted to get stronger so that she could stand on her own feet. So her mother did not have to work where she did. She wanted to learn how to defend herself so she could go out into the world and find him to tell him that she existed.
If he truly was kind as her mother said, he would not turn his back on his own daughter. She just wanted her father to know who she was. She just wanted their family to be whole. She just wanted to know what it felt like not to have a hurting heart. She tried to tell her mother that through her tears. But she was only eight. She did not know how to put her hurt, pain, and jealousy into words.
Her mother knew. She had forbidden her from doing such a thing. Sarina would never forget her mother's harsh question.
"Why do you care so much about him when he does not care about you?"
It hurt. That question stung more than the slap to the face. It struck her to her core. It was a wound that never healed properly. She built her identity around it. Her father did not want her. He did not pick her. He threw her away. She was nothing. She was not special. She was not the one he wanted. It shaped her whole worldview.
Daddy was not going to save her. Daddy was not a hero. Daddy was the villain. Daddy was the one who abandoned them.
At the age of eight all that hope turned into something much darker: hatred.
Hatred towards her father for not choosing her. For choosing his pregnant wife. He picked the woman he could not even relate to anymore to spend the rest of his life. Hatred towards his other child for being the one who got his love. He picked her half-sibling to raise and love and adore. He gave her half-sibling everything while she got nothing.
She would have to save herself. Her mother had no interest in doing so. Her father was not coming back. There was no one else she could count on.
She had read. She filled her time. She desired to be strong. She worked hard to be worth something. She would show her father just what he had let slip from his hands. She would be someone. That was her life's mission. She worked for years.
Eight years ago, when she had told her mother the news that her father was in Konoha, or at the very least her half-sister was, she had made it clear that she would be going. And just like her mother had broken her heart at eight, the woman told her she had no interest in seeing him. In meeting his other daughter. That did not change anything for her. She wanted to see her. She had to see her. She wanted to force them both to acknowledge that she was something, that she existed. It had been a perfect time. There was an influx of refugees in Konoha. They would take her. She could be useful.
And all of that would mean something to Konoha. It had. They trained her. The Hokage took pity on her, and he granted her petition. She joined ANBU. She proved her worth. She was something. She was someone.
She had come to learn that her father was long forgotten. No one knew of him. She did not find a date of death for him or his wife in the public record. He was a nobody. A nobody had walked out on her mother and her. A nobody had deemed her unfit to be raised by him. A nobody that no one remembered. He was gone. It did not matter. Her anger and hatred now had one focus instead of two: her sister.
Sarina had watched from afar as Sakura flourished in the light of the sun. She transformed the hospital. She introduced new programs and clinics. She was beloved. She had friends. Sarina has come to know that the only man who had shown her any kindness in her life, the Hokage, was married to her. They eloped a year after Sarina arrived in Konoha. It was the last straw.
Her sister has everything. Everything that had been stolen from her. Sakura had two parents who loved and raised her. Sakura had stability growing up. Sakura had respect. Sakura had his name. Sarina was a blight. She was an afterthought. She had nothing and no one.
Her own mother resented her face. She never outright said it. She did not need to. She felt it. She had had enough. She had confronted her mother six years ago when she had gone back home for a few days. She asked her why she did not tell him that she was pregnant. Why did she keep that from her father? She was pregnant first, he should have chosen them. By keeping her mouth shut she effectively stole Sarina's future from her. She all but handed Sakura's life to her. She let her sister steal her life.
Her mother had said nothing. She had stared at her with contempt in her green eyes as if she was disgusted with her only offspring. Sarina had stormed out. She had gotten drunk at the local bar. She let a man with a pretty face and even prettier eyes smooth-talk her. He promised her the world. She fell for it. She had woken up in the early hours of the morning with a head-splitting hangover, soreness all over, and the man was nowhere to be found. She had left the hotel room in a state of shock. She had been so stupid. She made a mistake. At least her mother loved her father. She did not even know her daughter's father's name. She hardly remembered what his face looked like anymore.
She learned that she was pregnant several weeks later. She asked for a leave of absence. The Hokage granted it to her. He had been incredibly sympathetic. She supposed it was easy to be that way when your life was good. He gave her all the time she needed. He had told her that her job would be waiting for her when she got back. He had taken one worry off of her queue.
She thought about what to do. She considered getting rid of it. It would be the easiest and least disruptive of options but as she sat in the waiting room for the procedure she could not bring herself to go inside. The life growing inside of her did not do anything wrong. Just like she had done nothing wrong. They were alike. The life was hers to protect. She left the office and she did not look back.
Telling her mother was the hardest thing she had to do. The woman has been disappointed. She was used to it. But she said she would help raise her. Sarina had said to her mother that her job in Konoha was a good one and that she would not give it up. It would provide for them, Her mother could watch the child full-time and Sarina would send money for expenses. Her mother agreed. She had her daughter at home. She had come out perfect.
Sarina sighed. She was toxic. She ruined everything she touched. It was just how she was. She was fundamentally unlovable. She knew that. Her father and her mother did not love her. That was okay. Those wounds had long healed. What she could not accept was if her own daughter did not love her. That would destroy what little part of her soul she had left.
The only way she could guarantee that her daughter would not be corrupted was if she had minimal contact with her. She was pure. She was kind. She had a good heart. She was everything Sarina was not. Everything she was doing was for her daughter. She hoped one day she would realize that.
She had to purge the hatred from her heart before she could go back and be a mother to her. There was only one way to do that. She had to destroy Haruno Sakura's life. Only then would things be in balance and only then could she start to heal and become the person she needed to be for her daughter.
A/N: Spider's identity revealed :O Was it surprising? Let me know!
