A/N: This is very, very smut... you've been warned. This will be a 5 part story. I will be posting weekly. It's a first draft, so I'm open to advice, recommendation, etc. don't worry i can take it. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read, hope it doesn't suck.

Obligatory pretend disclaimer.


Ushijima Wakatoshi was the pinnacle of volleyball. That's what I thought when I first saw him play.

In my third year of middle school, our team wasn't the best. Our serves were average, no one was very tall, and our blocking timing was frankly subpar. We weren't bad, but there wasn't anything that made our team members stand out. Because of that, our plays depended on solid combinations and well-timed sets which were entirely reliant on the setter. And of course, that was me. I felt like I had to play perfectly every match for us to have a chance of winning. It was exhausting. But it was the only way I could win and keep playing volleyball. So I gave 150% every time. Everyone was impressed with me. Even though it was clear that I didn't have the most talent or the best technique, the team relied on me to make sound decisions and clear the path to victory.

But my play alone wasn't enough. Eventually, a team with stronger players beat us in the semi-finals. Although we were disappointed to be out of the tournament, we also knew we lost because it was as far as we could go. So we didn't have any regrets. After our match was over, Coach brought us to watch the high school tournament. We got there just in time to watch the second set of the semi-final match between Shiratorizawa and Aoba Johsai.

Seijo were amazing, they had perfectly synchronized teamwork. Their time-delayed attacks were on point. The serves from most of their players were solid, or downright scary. And their setter, he was only a first year, But you could tell he was a cut above the rest. Oikawa Tooru, I had encountered him before in middle school as well. He's only gotten better since I last saw him play. He commanded the flow of his team in perfect harmony. As a setter myself, it stressed me out to watch someone with that much talent.

Then you had Shiratorizawa. Frankly, when you watched their plays from above, you could easily see they were a little unorganized. There were even moments when players were getting in each other's way. "Ushiwaka!" I heard their setter call out. Then I saw him, their team ace. While he looked vaguely familiar, I couldn't remember ever playing him before. The set wasn't very good, it was high and slow. A triple block quickly made its way to the net and was positioned in front of the spiker. They were giving Seijo too much time to react to the play. Even if their wing spiker was taller than most, it wouldn't be easy for him to face the blockers in this situation.

His sneakers squeaked when he stamped the balls of his feet down onto the court. He bent his knees but not too far, and using the momentum, launched himself up. His form was perfect, there were no holes, no inefficiencies. Each muscle of his body had a job and it was executed to a T. Like the wave of a tsunami crashing down on the opponent. I could feel the air leave my lungs as his spike landed in Seijo's court, completely blowing through the triple block. His height, speed, power, technique, all of it was overwhelming. It consumed me completely. "Who is that?"

My teammate looked up at me and laughed, "Dude, how could you not know him? He's like, the best spiker in the prefecture!"

"He's good," was all I could manage to say. I could barely manage a thought. I was completely captured in watching this spiker.

"Yeah, he's only a first year but he's already completely dominating. Shiratorizawa's third-year ace totally got benched." My teammate rambled on but I wasn't paying any attention. I just kept my focus on the court.

In the short time that we were watching, Ushiwaka had scored three-quarters of Shiratorizawa's points, winning them the second set. In the third, Seijo threw everything they had into stopping him. But it still wasn't enough. They lost 25-18. Ushiwaka had scored fourteen of those points on his own merit.

This player, even though he was only a first year, had already become the best high school spiker in Miyagi. Overwhelming didn't even begin to describe it. He was a complete monster. The pure unadulterated power that gave him the ability to smash through any opponent. That was what I really wanted. I had to play on the same team as him. I had to. "I'm going to go… to Shiratorizawa."

Step by step, my plan played out. I was accepted into Shiratorizawa. I joined the volleyball club. At first, I was worried that I wouldn't get to play with him at all. Eita, a second-year student, had become the official setter for Shiratorizawa by the time I joined. Based on seniority logic, by the time the opportunity came to me, Ushiwaka would have already graduated. I knew that in order to be able to play with Ushiwaka, I had to overtake Eita's position on the team somehow. What could I bring to the table that Eita couldn't? I watched them closely. Eita was quite a skilled setter. But he was often impatient. Even during practice matches, he would try to pull fancy plays like dumps and quicks, instead of relying on the wing. Coach Washijio clearly wasn't a fan. He focused on players with height and power. This was an area I could exploit.

Finally, my opportunity came. We were lined up to play practice matches with some of our college alumni. Coach Washijo split up the first string and threw in some of us first years, essentially testing out all of the first years' positions. Finally, I had the chance to prove to Ushiwaka that I was the setter he needed.

In our first three practice sets, I sent Ushiwaka the ball more than I did to anyone else. I knew they weren't perfect sets. They wouldn't be, I hadn't worked with him before yet. But just like in his game against Seijio, Ushiwaka just needs a high set. So that's what I did, exactly the same way each time. And each time, his spikes crushed down on the court. This was exactly what I had been working toward, this type of team.

We stood quietly leaning against the gym wall, resting between sets. I wanted to ask about how he felt about my performance but I was just the slightest bit afraid. "You can just keep passing the ball to me." His deep, resonating voice came so suddenly. Even though he hadn't said it very loudly, I could hear him clearly over the shouting and smashing of balls around the gym. At the time, I thought he was just talking about the rest of the practice matches. But thinking back, I realized that he meant forever. I had gotten what I wanted, he had chosen me.

And so at the beginning of my second year, I was chosen to be Shiratorizawa's official setter.

Ushiwaka was the pinnacle of volleyball. And being able to play with him, I was at the pinnacle of happiness.

That's when my hell began.

What I realized after becoming the setter was that Ushijima Wakatoshi, he wasn't just a monster. He was completely bat shit crazy.

Shiratorizawa was a powerhouse school, regularly making it to Nationals. To get to be as good as we were, the practices were already insanely rigorous. Coach Washijo was a slave driver, the real-life manifestation of a demon general determined to either have the best soldiers in his army or train his soldier to oblivion. Whichever came first. We barely had room to breathe. And yet, somehow it wasn't enough for Ushiwaka. Even after all the practice, he wanted more. He wanted to practice late into the night, and additional hours on weekends, over any school breaks. But I was happy to stay and practice with him. It made me feel special, feel wanted. So no matter how long he wanted to continue hitting, I would stay with him. Even if my arms felt like wet noodles, even if my fingers lost all sense of feeling, I would continue setting for him. I did everything right to continue being his setter.

"You can just keep passing the ball to me." Those words were like a spell that completely took over my life. It was my motivation and my slaver. That request was what gave me strength.

Yes, I will.

….

For a while, I honestly thought I was just obsessed with playing volleyball with him. I don't have a clue when I started wanting more. Or when I started noticing the sweat that rolled down his neck, the glistening on his collarbone. I started hearing his voice in my sleep and memorizing the curve of his calf muscles. Everything was fine until suddenly, I caught myself staring too intently at his naked torso in the locker room. By I realized what was going on, it was too late. I was beyond help. Crap, I'm so fucking screwed.

On one Saturday in summer…

Morning practice had ended, and per usual Ushiwaka wanted to stay behind and practice more. So I stayed with him. We continued working on straights and back attacks for several hours until even he had hit his limit.

I was sitting next to him against the wall of the gym, silent. I willed the powers from above to let us stay like this forever. And yet I knew it was impossible. Per the normal course, after Ushiwaka caught his breath, he would decide whether he wanted to continue practicing again, or if he was ready to call it a day. And I would follow his lead.

Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced over. Was he asleep? His eyes were shut and his breathing was low and slow. That's unusual. "Ushiwaka?" There was no response. This was the first time I'd seen him like this, unguarded. Since he was asleep, he wouldn't notice, right? Just this once, I wanted to know.

I leaned in, I could feel the heat emitting from his skin. his shallow breath tickled the tip of my nose. Millimeter by millimeter, I brought my face closer to his. I grazed the very top of my lips against his just slightly, the most marginal of touches so that only the thinnest layer of atoms made contact with each other. But I could feel it. The grit of his skin against mine. Blood rushed to my cheeks while a chill came over my nape. Yes, this was what I needed to know. and although I still yearned for more, I pulled back. I dared not. Like a sutra, I repeated in my mind that this was enough to settle my heart, close the chapter, and move on. That was my only goal.

If only life were that simple.

I was pulling my head away when suddenly a crushing tension stopped me in my tracks. My eyes were on his lips still but I could feel his gaze. He wasn't asleep after all. I hadn't gotten away with it. Crap. I've completely ruined everything. Why had I done something so stupid?

My body refused to move. It frightened me just as much to look away as it did to look up at him. In the end, the temptation brought me to turn my gaze upwards. He was staring right at my eyes, probably waiting for the moment when they would meet mine. Normally, Ushiwaka's eyes had a piercing intensity. He looked out upon life similar to how he looked at volleyball, with strict efficiency. But this time, his gaze was shockingly soft. I expected a look of disgust or anger. What emotion was this?

Before I could sort it out, he closed his eyes. Then I felt a familiar feeling against my lips. The touch of his against mine. His flesh was soft, and yet the friction of each of our lip lines held the slightest roughness. What? What's going on?

It didn't stop either. From just barely touching to pushing back the flesh, he continued to apply force on our mouths. It pushed the inner parts of my lips against my teeth until they began to burn. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he lifted some of his overbearing force. Only just enough to part his lips slightly. I felt the wetness of his tongue push against my lips and pry them open with the same gashing force you would expect from one of his spikes. Like a blocker that had been blown away, I let him in. And then he wrapped his tongue around mine, forcing a dance I couldn't resist. It was wet, it was hot. I don't know how to describe the feeling. I couldn't think and I couldn't fight back.

Eventually, I pushed his shoulders back as hard as I could, gasping for air. Any more and I definitely would have suffocated. How were his lungs so strong?

I tried to catch my breath before looking up at him again. What expression would I find? I had yet to figure out the previous one. This time when I met his eyes though, I knew exactly what expression I was seeing. found hunger. He was looking at me like he would look at a perfect set.

"Ushiwaka…?" my voice cracked. How embarrassing. Was it from fear? Or desire?

And then it came again, his forceful lips. His arms reached around me and lifted me closer to his level so he wasn't hunched over kissing me. It gave him even more room and leverage to explore the insides of my mouth. The only thing I could do was let it happen. No, that's not true. The only thing I wanted to do was let it happen. This was something I never thought I could have. And it felt amazing. Not to sound like a cliché but I felt like heaven.

A tingle at the base of my spine rushed up my back and brought a cold sweat to my nape. My fingers were frigid but my chest was tight. I felt the heat of my blood from my cheeks to my forehead, prickling my brain. I could feel everything. And I could feel him.

This time, it was he that first pulled away for air. The hunger in his eyes hadn't subdued. I thought for a second that he was going to come back in for a kiss again. But instead, when he leaned back in, he bent his head lower, reaching his lips to my neck. His hands began to reach around to the front of my body. Oh shit. My brain started to catch up with what was happening. Were we really going to? Here?

I felt faint, not sure if it was because of what was happening, or because of the heat. His hand moved slowly up my abdomen, pulling away the sticky t-shirt that was glued to my skin. We were covered in sweat from practice as it was. I felt a slight chill as the barren air touched my skin. It made me abruptly conscious of just how sweaty and gross I was. If we were going to do this, I'd rather not have his experience be the smelly, post-practice body odor version of me. I mean, who knows what it was like…down there right now. That would be way too embarrassing. I panicked. Before he could continue further, I managed to whisper. "We should head to the showers first." Wow… how not sexy was that? I probably completely ruined the mood.

"Okay." I don't know what response I was expecting. But somehow, that wasn't it.

His warmth left my body. Before my mind could catch up, Ushiwaka was already on his feet. He held a hand out to me. At first, I lifted my hand up to grab his but my body froze before holding it. He grabbed me away and hoisted me up with his force. What a gorilla. On the way to the showers, he never let go of my hand. Not until we had reached our destination and he had to take his shirt off.

We stripped down. I stepped into one of the shower stalls and turned on the water. Ushiwaka soon followed. The water running down my back was hot. But his skin felt hotter. Even though he wasn't touching me, I could feel the heat emitting from the surface. I didn't turn around. He slowly moved closer, inch by inch, gluing his chest to my back. Large hands ran their way from my shoulders down to my arms and then wrapped themselves around my waist. There could be no escape from his firm grip. I guided one of his hands up my torso instinctively. I felt it reach my chest, and through his palm, I could feel how hard my heart was beating. How embarrassing. Please ignore it.

I felt his lips on my neck, his tongue trailing down the curve of my shoulder. A moan resonated through the room. Was that from me? I felt his cock on my ass. I didn't know what to think, it was hard as a rock. That meant he was turned on right? So should I have been happy? Or scared?

I started to turn my body, signaling for Ushiwaka to loosen his grip on me. He was waiting for me to move now. I glanced down ever so slightly. If this were a normal situation, what would happen? It's not like I've had experience doing this sort of thing between two guys. Or with a girl in fact. That being said. I'd also be lying if I said I never went looking on the web.

Dropping down to my knees, I kept my eyes locked with his until the final moment. It was somewhat frightening to look at the other thing. I wasn't completely prepared yet. When I finally did, it was.. well bigger up close. That's for sure. A deep breath to calm my nerves, and a final push of courage. I parted my lips, trying my best to fit my mouth around it. I wasn't sure if I was doing it right. Quickly. a large hand reached for my head. Oh no, have I screwed up already? But it just placed itself gently in my hair and nothing more. So I kept going. I started to bob my head back and forth just a couple of inches, doing my best not to tighten my jaw and bite down. Did it feel good? I felt him lean back slightly against the shower wall, using it to support his weight. I suppose that was a good sign.

After a little while, he reached another hand forward and tugged on my hair. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough for me to understand that he wanted me to move with him. We sped up, he pushed my head deeper into him as I began to take more and more of his member in my mouth. The tip started to jam against the back of my throat. Ow, that kind of hurt. I didn't know how much more I could take without throwing up.

But then he pulled my head back completely. And his cock fell out of my mouth. Shit, I must have screwed up somehow. Maybe he felt that I was choking and it felt weird. I looked up at him wearily, a little scared. He lifted my chin, guiding me to my feet. And then he kissed me again.

His tongue continued down my neck as he pushed me against the wall. He grabbed hold of my waist and hosted me up. My body reacted on its own, wrapping my legs around him. I pushed my arms flat against the wall to help support my weight. With the small of my back arched just slightly, I could feel his cock pushed up against my ass.

Wait, is he? Holy fuck, he is.

I shut my eyes, bracing myself for his entry. But our bodies didn't move. He was staring at me, waiting, I think, for my permission. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in the crook of it to signal for him to keep going, I'm prepared. With one arm holding my weight up, and one holding himself in position at my entrance, gravity slowly took over and dropped me onto him. It hurt. In fact, it hurt like hell. But once I got used to the initial shock of pain, I felt a weird sensation. I couldn't put it into words, but I felt a turn in my stomach. It was like that feeling you get when you're really excited about something and then you shut your eyes and it happens. A rush of heat coats your skin and you can feel the tingling of your nerves throughout your body. Each molecule felt like it was on an individual roller coaster, and was being lifted off the seat during a deep hill dive. So this was what sex felt like.

The water sprinkling down from the shower head created more friction between our bodies but I liked it. I could feel the skin of his torso against my cock and he thrust into me. I couldn't hold back at all. I let myself release in between us.

He pulled out. And then dropped me and turned me around and pushed my head sound so that I was bent over leaning against the shower wall. Then reentered my body. It hurt just as much the second time. it went deeper and deeper inside me. Through the pain, I felt his cock, hot and burning with blood, rubbing against my insides. It reached further and further, and then hit a wall. Perhaps more like a doorbell. Each time he hit it, it made my stomach turn more. Fuck, I think I'm gonna come again. He leaned forward, holding me tightly for support. His face buried itself in the curve of my shoulder. I could feel the vibrations of his muffled grunts as he began to pick up his pace. Then a few bigger thrusts game, with slight pauses in between like a time delay spike. One final push, a low grumbling moan against my skin, and then he pulled out. I could just barely feel it, something warm on the base of my back and ass that wasn't water. Oh, that's… okay. I guess I should appreciate that he was conscious enough not to cum inside me. Although, maybe I wanted that.

He peeled himself off of me and stood up. I stayed there leaning against the shower wall for a couple of minutes, trying to catch my breath. The hot water continued to run down my ass, slowly washing his essence away. It wasn't until I tried to stand up straight that I realized how sore I was.

Through the crashing noise of the water, I heard him say quietly, "Are you okay?"

No, I wasn't. Everything hurt. But beyond just my body, there was also the mental strain. How was I supposed to just be okay after everything that had just happened? How could anyone not freak out in this situation? That was what I wanted to say. But instead, I weakly whispered, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay." He stepped out and started to dry off before putting his clothes on as if nothing had happened. Typical, he wasn't phased by anything.

I stood up, my back aching. The pain from the friction of the tiled walls was still present on my knees and elbows. the warmth of the water running down my face to my neck, and then over my body. It was soothing, yet I hated it for washing away the presence of Ushiwaka's touch on my body. He hadn't said anything. Hadn't asked why I kissed him or acknowledged the gravity of what we had done. I tried to think through all the possibilities of what he would say. Then what I would say? What can I say? Should I just act as of nothing had happened like him?

After he had gotten dressed, he turned to me. I was still rinsing off, trying to push the mental strain away with the flow of the water. "We should get going." He said loudly so I would hear him from across the room.

Reluctantly, I turned off the water. The silence that came after was deafening. The weight of the unknown was crushing me and there wasn't anything to distract me. It was just me and him and the sounds of breathing. I took a deep breath, "Yeah."