This is pure crack. I honestly have no idea. Let's just enjoy the ride, I guess.

Disclaimer: No one is innocent, everyone's a menace in their own way. No one's really happy, but they're not miserable either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Many of these ideas come courtesy of the beautiful SasuHina discord server 3


It's a beautiful day in the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

The sky is clear save for a few fluffy clouds, the birds are chirping, children are running through the streets, filling it with laughter and glee. The smell of Takoyaki and freshly baked Yakisoba Pan permeates the air, the local dojo is blasting old school rock, and the Hokage tower stands tall with all previous Hokage's faces on display behind it, as well as the current.

Yes, faces the citizens of the Leaf know quite well.

Hashirama Senju, founder of the Leaf. Tobirama Senju, his brother. Hiruzen Sarutobi, God of Shinobi. Minato Namikaze, the Yellow Flash. Jiraiya, one of three Legendary Sannin. Might Guy, The Leaf's Noble Green Beast.

And of course, the current Hokage himself, Rock Lee, Handsome Devil of the Leaf.

Within the Hokage tower, at the very top, in the esteemed Hokage's office, Rock Lee is on his hands, nearing one thousand standing pushups while Shikamaru Nara frantically pens a letter to Neji Hyūga.

When the hell is your 'sabbatical' going to be over?

I am drowning. Our Hokage is trying to open up another dojo. We've already opened two in the last week. It'll make 12 since you left. I need a goddamn nap.

Return or I'll send my deer.

Exhausted,

Shikamaru

"Shikamaru, what do you think of putting this one next to Ichiraku's?" Lee questions without looking up as the Nara rises and bolts to the other side of the room. "I believe it would be a wise location—after training, one can immediately replenish nutrients, then right back to training!"

"Uh—" Shikamaru grunts out, throwing the door open. He darts his eyes around until they land on a mildly frightened-looking chunin, who is mooning their eyes up at him. He thrusts the letter into her chest and points down the hall. "Take that to Kanoko, for Neji Hyūga. And insist on speediness today."

"Sir." The young chunin bows before making haste.

Shikamaru lets out a tired sigh—the only type of sigh he's ever given in his 25 years on this god-forsaken planet—and turns back to his Hokage. One he was foolish enough to agree to advise only under the pretense Neji would be here, too. He pulls the door shut, returns to his desk, and falls into it. Pinches the bridge of his nose, rubs his prickly cheek and then clasps his hands together. "Lee. Please, listen to me. We do not need another dojo right now. Listen, Hinata came in the other day asking about funding—"

"Hinata was here?" Lee stops just short of one thousand, flipping right side up to land on his feet. "I missed her! How unfortunate, her youthful demeanor is always a delight—OH!" Shikamaru recoils as Lee shouts. "Silly me, I stopped at nine-hundred-ninety-five." Shikamaru grimaces as Lee backflips onto his hands. "No problem at all! As Guy-sensei would say, there is always room for more training. Back to zero! One! Two…"

Shikamaru buries his face in his hands.

He desperately needs a cigarette, so he scans his desk. They settle on a small report that came in yesterday that he'd put off because it actually needs to go to the police department, and he hadn't felt like running it down. He had planned on having one of the assistants do that, but now he realizes he really does in fact want to bring it in himself.

"Gotta run this down," Shikamaru says eagerly, swiping up the folder. He hops to his feet with more vigor than he normally does and gives a wave to Lee as he passes him. "Be back in a jiff."

"Of course!" Lee says between numbers, flashing him a stunning smile as the door closes on him.

"Gods help me…" Shikamaru sighs as his shoulders slump. He makes quick work of jogging down the stairs, tucking the folder under his arm, and rummaging in his pockets for his cigarettes. He nods shortly to the chunin posted outside and fumbles for a stick from the carton. He pops it between his lips and then looks for a lighter and—

"Fuck," he breathes, patting down every single pocket. He gives himself a good search over before he nearly collapses to his knees. The sound of metal scraping over a wok catches his ear and his eyes find the flame beneath. He hustles over and bends over the tapestry, sticking his face far too close to the fire, and sucks in.

As soon as that feel-good chemical hits his brain, he calms.

"You good buddy?" the man asks, pulling the wok away from his face to better protect him from a nasty burn. He pops his eyes open to see the end of the cigarette flaming up and he stumbles back, waving his hand to fan it away.

"Sorry." He bows his head before taking off towards the police department.

When he realizes his stride is much too quick, he slows.

Unfortunately, the police department is within the Uchiha district, and that's quite close to the Hokage tower, and he's there before he can even finish the damn thing.

He paces briefly, sucking it down until it's burning up the filter, and he lets out another tired sigh. He rolls it out and flicks it into the trashcan, then yanks the entrance open. Black hair and black eyes turn to meet him and he ignores every one of them until he finds the one he's come to burden.

"Uchiha," he drawls as he approaches, causing a few more heads to turn as he tosses the folder on the desk. The only other face in the village that could rival the tiredness of his own rises to meet, and he can swear he sees a vein pop in the man's forehead.

"Nara," Sasuke sneers, setting his hand on the folder. "More paperwork, as always."

"Hm?" Shikamaru questions innocently, leaning a hip on the desk. "Thought I'd be bringing you lunch?"

"Hmph," Sasuke pouts, leaning back as he folds open the report. "Might be nice for a change."

"Noted," Shikamaru responds, perking an eyebrow as he lingers. Sasuke eyes him suspiciously.

"Anything else?" Sasuke asks, tilting his head forward. Shikamaru shrugs.

"Need any help around here?"

"Aren't you supposed to be back at the tower?"

"Well—"

"Tsk tsk," Sasuke tuts, tossing the report forward with a smirk as Shikamaru frowns, "skirting responsibilities as always, Nara."

"You just seem so bored," Shikamaru offers, gesturing out, "ever thought of switching places? Never a dull moment with Lee."

"Wouldn't doubt it," Sasuke scoffs, folding his arms, "wouldn't trade you for anything in the world."

Shikamaru taps the side of his head. "Sharp." Still, he lingers. "Hinata have any idea when that shithead cousin of hers will be back?"

Sasuke snickers, looking out the window next to him along with Shikamaru. Hinata is teaching a group of maybe 15 young, up-and-coming shinobi how to create light from the chakra in their hands. When Sasuke's eyes linger too long, Shikamaru clears his throat expectantly. Sasuke snaps his gaze back up, irritation clear on his face. "No clue. Bother someone else about it."

"Always a pleasure, Uchiha," Shikamaru sighs, shaking his head as he stands up straight.

When he gets outside, he fishes another cigarette out of his pack, then curses quietly at the realization he still doesn't have a lighter. He looks up to see Hinata showcasing a small flame in her palm and his eyes go wide.

He pulls his hand up to his face and snaps, creating a small spark at the end of the cigarette, lighting it.

"I'm losing it…" he mutters as he treks away.