Author's note: Welcome back, readers! It only took me 8 months to write this chapter! PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PROVIDE FEEDBACK! While I may not be posting chapters, I'm on this site at least once a week to check for comments, number of times my story has been viewed, etc. Thanks as always for your time and support!
Chapter 65: Reality Check
Upon awakening, the strong antiseptic smell assaulting MacGyver's nostrils immediately told him he was in a hospital. But why? How? Where? The last thing he remembered was driving down a dark road, the beginning of his trip back to Milwaukee to once again try and figure out where life was meant to take him. His lips were chapped, his mouth dry as cotton, and his eyes full of sandy grit. He attempted to lift one lid then immediately slammed it shut against a painful ray of light. His body felt like it had been hit by a truck and his head, well, his head actually felt fine. He groaned but was unable to discern if his effort was even audible.
"I think he's waking up," a familiar voice said.
Sam. Sam was with him.
"Thank God!"
Mac smiled to himself. Pete was there, too. This gave him the incentive to once again attempt to peel back his eyelids. When he saw the two men, albeit through a groggy haze, he offered them a small smile but then frowned inwardly when the one face he wanted to see more than any other wasn't there.
"Where's Jo?" MacGyver's question came out hoarse and gravelly, as if he had swallowed the roughest piece of sandpaper ever made.
"Joe? Who's he?" Sam asked.
His son sure picked a lousy time to be a smart aleck.
Mac worked his throat until more words came out. "Joanna. My fiancé."
Pete chuckled. "Guess they were wrong about you not having a head injury! You must've taken a pretty good whack to think you're engaged! Sam, you better go tell the doctor MacGyver's awake."
Mac remained silent as they waited for his doctor to arrive. His stomach churned with acid…and a strange bit of panic. Why were Sam and Pete pretending not to know Jo? And where was she, anyway? He assumed she would be standing vigil over him considering he was apparently injured. Perhaps she had gone for something to eat or to take a quick nap?
"Ah, Mr. MacGyver! It's good to see you awake!" a middle-aged, gray-haired man in a white lab coat said as a nurse quietly scurried in to take Mac's vitals. "I'm Dr. Bryce. I've been taking care of you these past several days."
Several days?!
"What happened?" Mac croaked.
"You don't remember the accident?" Dr. Bryce asked.
MacGyver searched his memory. "I was driving back from Widow's Canyon." He must've fallen asleep at the wheel and crashed. His heart dropped. Had his carelessness hurt anyone else?
"What are you talkin' about, Dad?" Sam asked urgently. "We weren't anywhere near Widow's Canyon!"
"Calm down, son," the doctor said in a soothing voice. "It's quite normal for people to not remember the details of an accident…or even that they were in an accident." Dr. Bryce turned back to MacGyver. "You can visit for a few more minutes, but then I want you to rest. Your body still needs a lot of time to recover."
Once the door to his room swished closed leaving him alone with Sam and Pete he croaked once again, "What happened?"
Pete's brows drew together over his nearly sightless eyes. "You really don't remember the accident?" he asked, a new level of concern in his voice.
"No."
"I'll go get us some coffee while you two talk," Sam volunteered, apparently sensing this was going to be a difficult conversation.
Once the young man had left the room, Pete took a deep breath and began to speak, "Do you remember leaving with Sam on your motorcycles?" he asked cautiously.
"Yeah," Mac replied. Six years ago! But he kept that part to himself. He had turned down a new contract offer from Phoenix and left Pete standing on the sidewalk as he and his son drove off with no particular destination in mind. He once again wondered what would've happened if he had stayed, but there were currently more important things to figure out.
"You had been gone just about six hours when I got a call from Sam. He said you had been in an accident near the city of Vallejo. Do you remember that?"
MacGyver simply shook his head, waiting for Pete to continue.
"According to Sam, you were on a little-used fire access road when you swerved to avoid hitting a squirrel. Your front tire hit a pothole and caused you to take a terrible spill. I arranged to have a MediVac chopper bring you back to L.A."
Mac tried to process this new information of which he had absolutely no recollection. He had only been gone six hours? "How long have I been here?" was all he could ask before his voice failed him.
"This is the sixth day," Pete responded. "You suffered some broken ribs and internal injuries, but your motorcycle helmet prevented a concussion."
"I've been unconscious."
Pete nodded. "The doctors have kept you sedated. You've been dreaming and thrashing around in the bed. They were afraid you'd harm yourself further. They finally decided to start bringing you around last night."
MacGyver was just about to press Pete for more information when Sam returned. "I think we better get going. The nurse in the hallway is giving me the 'evil eye'," he said with a pretend shudder.
"We'll be back first thing in the morning," Pete promised. "Now get some rest, MacGyver, so we can get you outta here!"
Mac watched his best friend and son leave the room and sighed. Rest was the last thing on his mind which was currently doing rapid mathematical calculations concluding that he and Sam had driven six hours and he had been in the hospital six days. Yet he remembered the events of what he believed to be the past six years more clearly than his current situation. Had those years been a drug-induced dream? Or was he dreaming now? What about Joanna? Just the thought of her caused his heart to beat faster, confirming his love for her. How could she merely be a figment of his imagination? He pressed a button on the bed's side control panel to raise his head and shoulders but inhaled sharply when shards of pain ricocheted through his ribcage. That certainly didn't feel like a dream! Given Pete's account of the past several days and his own clear memories, he was apparently living two different lives…but only one of them was real.
The desire to puzzle out his situation gnawed at him, but his physical pain kept him bedridden and helpless. Well, maybe not entirely as he happened to glance up and see a television set mounted high on the opposite wall. His hands searched for the remote and, upon finding it, turned on the TV and clicked through the channels until he found the evening news. A young, fresh-faced reporter stood in front of the White House speaking into a microphone. MacGyver cranked up the volume. "...And with the 1992 presidential election only months away, candidates are expected to hit the campaign trail in one last effort to win over undecided voters." The words hit like a physical punch to his gut. It was really 1992!
"I really hate putting you out like this, Pete," Mac said as his friend deftly slid the key into the lock and opened the door to his apartment, motioning MacGyver inside.
"You're not putting me out," Pete insisted. "Friends take care of friends. Besides, Sam's been bunking on my couch since your accident anyway. I'm kinda getting used to having someone underfoot. I spend most of my time at the office anyway. Even with all the assistive technology available, it's taking me longer and longer to just complete a normal day's work."
Mac's heart broke at the slight resignation in Pete's voice. "Okay, but I take the couch, and Sam can sleep on the floor."
"Hey! No fair!" his son protested from the kitchen.
"Don't worry Sam. Mac will be taking my bed. Sleeping on the couch is not an option in his condition," Pete said firmly, settling the matter.
A week later MacGyver had to agree that this had been the best arrangement for everyone involved. Pete's driver picked him up early in the morning and brought him home late, often past midnight. Sam was always on the go, ferreting out possibly stories to cover. After days of proper rest and healing, Mac was feeling better physically but was having a tough time dealing with his new reality. No, he had to stop thinking like that. This was his reality. His and everyone else's. Yet every night he dreamed of holding Joanna in his arms, and every morning he woke up feeling more alone than ever. But Joanna and Milwaukee and everything that he thought had happened was just a dream brought on by his injuries and was now long gone. Still, an uncomfortable questioning lingered. The long days spent alone recuperating in Pete's apartment quickly became unbearable. MacGyver knew he had to get his mind focused and his body moving again, but he grudgingly admitted, if only to himself, that he was in no shape yet to hit the road with Sam and had to recover still longer if he chose to return to the Phoenix Foundation. A thought which, a couple weeks ago, he found quite unsavory but had since been reconsidering. He clearly remembered, while in his unconscious state, wondering what his life would have been like if he hadn't gone off with Sam but instead stayed on with Pete. Was he being given a second chance? Mac drew in a long, cleansing breath, but winced when his ribs protested, reminding him that he still had time to make a decision. However, a more pressing matter was figuring out a way to escape the confines of Pete's apartment. He was quickly getting a case of cabin fever and needed to get out and rejoin the human race.
After another night filled with blissful dreams of his imaginary fiancé, MacGyver decided it was time to take action and convince his addled brain that she did not exist. That his life with her in Milwaukee had never existed. Using his Phoenix-issued computer password that hadn't been deactivated yet, he logged into the mainframe through Pete's desktop. From there, he ran a Department of Motor Vehicles nationwide search for one Joanna Fairfax. Perhaps if he had solid proof of her non-existence, the dreams would stop haunting him and he could get on with his life.
While the computer searched, Mac went to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of orange juice, being sure to replace the carton exactly where he found it so as not to tamper with Pete's carefully devised system of keeping things in the same place so he could find them with his waning sight. He had just raised the glass to his lips when the computer beeped loudly, indicating its search was complete. MacGyver took a sip of his drink before setting it on the counter and returning to the computer to get the results of his search. But what results did he want? Before he could answer his question, he found himself staring at the screen. A grainy ID photo of the Joanna from his dreams stared back at him. The accompanying information confirmed she resided in Milwaukee. "Aw man," he muttered to himself before sinking into Pete's plush leather desk chair. "Now what?" he asked out loud as if the computer would answer. He jammed his fingers through his hair as his mind whirled with options. The logical thing to do would be to recognize this as one enormously weird coincidence brought on by a drug-induced coma. However, since he first awoke in the hospital, MacGyver was feeling anything but logical. His memories felt more real than the life he was currently living, and he had to somehow deal with that before he could move forward with Sam, or Phoenix, or anything. He looked at the picture still displayed on the computer monitor and suddenly craved information about Joanna Fairfax. With his hands poised above the keyboard, he was about to start searching for further records on her when a memory stopped him cold. Years back, he had run a background search on Nikki Carpenter only to discover that she was not divorced, as she told everyone, but was widowed. Her husband accidentally killed in a car bomb meant for her. Mac had hurt her terribly by going behind her back like that and he imagined Joanna, regardless of their relationship to one another, would probably feel the same so he decided to conduct his investigation the old-fashioned way.
Sitting at the kitchen table, MacGyver thought back to the day he first met Joanna. He scribbled details on the legal pad in front of him. He remembered her hair, her clothes, and could practically feel her body as he grabbed her around the waist to keep her from tumbling off a rickety step stool. He also recalled meeting her boss, Evelyn Quinn, who was a good friend of Pete's. They both worked at Challengers Academy in Milwaukee which was a new alternative school pilot program funded by the Phoenix Foundation. He had been sent there as a temporary security expert. If he wanted answers, that was the place to start. But wait…he did some quick math computations in his head and realized he hadn't met Joanna until 1995. That was three years in the future if he was, as everything indicated, actually living in 1992. What would she have been doing at that time? "The correctional facility," he declared to the empty room. Before becoming the education director at Challengers Academy, Joanna had worked for a county correctional facility and Evelyn had been her boss. These memories were all so clear how could they not be real? There was only one way to find out.
After taking the first flight out of LAX to Milwaukee, MacGyver had rented a nondescript sedan and driven out to the correctional facility on the edge of town, choosing a parking space in the public lot that would afford him a clear view of the employee entrance without being noticed himself. He attempted to reposition himself in the driver's seat…again. By now Pete would have found the note he left simply saying he needed time away to consider his future. It wasn't a lie. He also knew Pete would be silently scolding him as well as worrying about him. Sam would just be glad that he could sleep on the sofa again. The sound of voices caught his attention and he looked to find a group of officers exiting the building. Shift change. Unfortunately, no one in civilian clothes accompanied them. An hour passed before the doors opened again. Two women, one a bit taller and younger than the other, walked out. Mac's breath hitched. Joanna. Her hair was longer and pulled back in a bouncy ponytail, but he would recognize her anywhere. She was in deep conversation with the other woman who he presumed to be Evelyn. He watched as they finished their discussion and headed to their respective cars. Joanna Fairfax was a living, breathing, real human being! Now the only question remaining was where he belonged in her life…if he belonged at all.
The next day MacGyver pulled into the correctional facility's parking lot, but this time he climbed out of the car and walked confidently through the front visitor's entrance. A uniformed African-American woman sat at a large desk seemingly oblivious to him.
"Excuse me," he said politely.
"How can I help you?" she replied gruffly.
Mac inwardly grimaced. "I'm here to see Evelyn Quinn."
"Visiting hours don't start until five o'clock."
MacGyver instantly realized his mistake. "Evelyn isn't an inmate, she's a civilian who works here."
"And you are?"
Sensing this could turn into an uphill battle, he plucked his Phoenix ID from his pocket and held it up at eye level. "Name's MacGyver. Could I please see Ms. Quinn?"
The guard squinted at his ID for several seconds before picking up her phone. She turned away to muffle her voice, but he could make out his own name and that of Phoenix. When she hung up, she instructed him to have a seat in one of the molded plastic chairs lining the wall.
Mac did as instructed wondering whether he would be greeted by Evelyn or if the guard had called the firing squad to get rid of him. Minutes ticked by and just as he began to conclude this was a fruitless endeavor, a heavy security door clicked open and a short, ginger-haired sprite of a woman walked through and approached him.
"Mr. MacGyver?" she asked as he stood up. "Has something happened to Peter?"
"No ma'am. I'm sorry if I frightened you."
The hand Evelyn had placed on her chest dropped to her side. "Don't feel bad, I tend to jump to conclusions." They shared a laugh before she continued, "What brings you half-way across the country if not Peter?"
"I'm here on assignment and Pete suggested I look you up," he lied, convinced that the end would justify the means.
"I'm glad you did," she smiled. "Peter has mentioned you over the years, but I would rather hear about your adventures in person. I was actually just headed out for lunch. Care to join me?"
MacGyver happily accepted, relieved his initial introduction had gone so well, and spent the next hour enjoying good food and stimulating conversation.
Upon arriving back at the facility, Evelyn invited him to her office. Using her security pass, they bypassed the woman officer at the reception desk. Mac grinned to himself as she scowled but remained silent. After being led through a maze of corridors that all looked alike, Evelyn opened a door and invited him into her office. He was in the midst of updating her on Pete's vision issues when Joanna walked in.
"Evelyn, I was wondering if…" She stopped abruptly upon seeing MacGyver and blushed slightly. "I'm sorry, I can come back."
"Nonsense!" Evelyn replied. "In fact, I'm glad you're here. I'd like you to meet Mr. MacGyver."
MacGyver rose from his chair and offered Joanna his hand which she shook a bit tentatively. "My friends call me 'Mac'," he said with a gentle smile, relishing the feel of her smaller hand in his larger one…a feeling he remembered all too well, but how?
"I'm sorry for intruding," she apologized again, sliding her hand free.
"You're not intruding," Evelyn insisted. "In fact, I was just about to invite Mac to my house for dinner tonight and would love to have you join us."
MacGyver saw the indecision flare in Joanna's eyes as he awaited her answer. If this was truly his Jo, she would accept if only to be polite.
"What time would you like me to come over?" Joanna asked Evelyn as Mac let go a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.
"How about six o'clock?" Evelyn proposed, her eyes darting mischievously between the two young people.
Joanna was already seated at Evelyn's kitchen table when he arrived. She had changed from her dress slacks and blazer into a flowery sundress and sandals. She offered him a tentative smile as Evelyn motioned him to the chair across from her young friend. Dinner was soon served, and Mac enjoyed the delicious home cooking. Evelyn carried the conversation while Joanna smiled and nodded in all the right places. Recognizing Jo's unease caused MacGyver's spirits to flag. Maybe this had been a horrible idea and he should've been content to remain in L.A. and write off this beautiful woman as nothing more than a strange coincidence brought about by his own yearning. His thoughts were interrupted when Evelyn stood and began gathering the empty plates.
"Let me help," he offered instinctively.
Evelyn shook her head as she reached for the cutlery. "I have other plans for you. Oliver hasn't been for a walk all day and will never allow me to rest if he doesn't get his exercise. Why don't you and Joanna take him for a stroll, preferably a long one, before we have dessert."
MacGyver eyed the mixed-breed dog lying in the corner of the room. Rather large with short, black hair and soulful eyes, he slowly got to his feet, stretched, and trotted over to Evelyn who efficiently snapped the leash onto his collar and handed the lead to Joanna who immediately began pouring affection on the pooch causing Mac to feel sinfully jealous.
The sun was low on the western horizon as the trio began their silent trek around the neighborhood with Oliver leading the way. Anxious to break the uncomfortable silence, MacGyver made mundane comments about the weather and other generic topics to which Joanna would nod, smile, or offer a one-word response. He was keenly aware of her discomfit, and it made his heart ache, but what had he expected? Her to take one look at him and fall madly in love? From his dream, he knew Joanna to be a quiet, cautious person who needed time and space before settling into a relationship. Thankfully, the further they walked and the darker the sky got the more relaxed Joanna appeared. Her grip on the leash loosened as Oliver was now lagging behind them. She provided lengthy answers to his questions as well as comments to his various remarks. The invisible barriers around her heart seemed to be crumbling with each step. He wished they could walk all night, but Oliver's panting reminded him they needed to head back to Evelyn's house.
Walking up the driveway, Mac caught sight of Evelyn standing on the front stoop. "Did you have a good time?" she asked as Joanna handed over Oliver's lead.
"We did," MacGyver confirmed, relieved when Joanna agreed.
Back in the house and once more seated at the kitchen table for dessert the trio engaged in idle conversation until Evelyn pinned Mac with her gaze. "So, how long are you in town for?" she asked.
Before he could reply, MacGyver's gut sank as he literally felt all of Joanna's defenses slam back into place. And rightly so, he supposed. Not many women, and Jo in particular, would have been keen to try and start a long-distance relationship with a virtual stranger. He swallowed hard and considered his answer. "As soon as I complete my assignment," he said. The truth was, he had done what he had come here to do and would be on the first plane back to L.A. tomorrow morning.
It had been almost one week since Mac had returned to Los Angeles. During that time, Pete spent more time at the office than his apartment and Sam had gone up to San Francisco in hopes of scooping a story. MacGyver had been relieved that they hadn't pummeled him with questions regarding his time away, but he also couldn't get Joanna out of his mind. That was why he had been relieved when Pete asked to talk to him about a new assignment one late night over a bowl of ice cream.
"Diplomats from Austria are going to be arriving for a world-wide summit next week and Phoenix wants you to coordinate security," Pete explained.
"Sounds great! I'll get on it first thing in the morning," Mac replied, glad to finally have something productive to do even though he wasn't sure if he was going to remain with the foundation.
"Now understand this," Pete said, pointing an empty spoon in MacGyver's direction. "You haven't been cleared by the doctors for field work, but you'll have access to everything you need at the office."
Mac frowned. Security detail, while often challenging, wasn't much fun if he couldn't see for himself the results of his effort. Or, in some cases, be on hand and make adjustments if things didn't go as planned. However, if he gave Pete any flack the job could easily be reassigned to an active field agent.
"Understood," he agreed, glad that Pete couldn't see the scowl on his face.
Under normal circumstances, MacGyver preferred to have more than a handful of days to put a security plan in place, but things were far from normal these days. Pete had made sure an office was reserved for him and his access codes and security levels were in place as if he had never left. His first order of business was to choose agents to be his "boots-on-the-ground". He then carefully studied the diplomat's itinerary and, with the aid of satellite images, went about creating a plan from the time the representative arrived at the airport, to his motorcade through the city, to his arrival at and departure from the site where the summit was being held. The entire event would take only a few hours, but Mac worked day and night making sure security was air tight.
The day of the summit, MacGyver sat on the couch in Pete's office and watched the events play out on the television. His entire being itched to be at the event in person. Even just watching on TV, he carefully studied the large groups gathered at the various locations looking for any hint of danger. Having all the agents mic'd up and in constant communication with him gave him a degree of confidence, but it wasn't the same. On the plus side, he'd been so busy and focused on the security plan he hadn't had time to think of Joanna…much.
"So, how does it feel to be back in the saddle again?" Pete asked with a wide smile hours later.
"Great!" Mac replied with enthusiasm he didn't quite feel. "I'll feel better when I'm able to get back out there, though."
"Now MacGyver, you have to take it easy. Just be patient. Things'll be back the way they were in no time!"
Mac really doubted that. He doubted that he would ever forget the dream and the woman that plagued his mind night and day. He also doubted that he was meant to stay at Phoenix. How soon before his wanderlust emerged and he decided to take off with Sam again? Or maybe just on his own?
"What if things aren't meant to go back to the way they were?" he asked Pete.
MacGyver watched as his boss and friend rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Don't tell me you're thinking of leaving Phoenix…again."
"That's just it, Pete. I don't know what I'm thinkin'! Ever since I woke up in that hospital bed my whole life feels out of whack, ya know?"
"Look, you've been through a lot. I'm sure-"
"Stop with the platitudes, Pete! It's more than that."
"Then what is it? What do you want?"
"I don't know!" Mac exclaimed, springing to his feet as he did so.
"I think you do," Pete replied calmly.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
"Deep down you know exactly what you want your life to look like, but you're too afraid to make it happen. You're scared of not being good enough. Of letting people down, including yourself. Of making a bad decision. Of making a commitment."
"Okay, okay, I get your point," Mac huffed, falling back onto the couch.
"Then tell me what you want."
MacGyver let his face fall into his hands as he prepared to unburden his soul to the only person he trusted enough with his deepest secrets.
"Remember a few months ago, when I thought Murdoc was stalking me and you were the only one who believed me?"
"How can I forget!" Pete snorted. "I was forced to fire you!"
"Well, it's kinda like that?"
"How so?" Pete asked warily.
Mac took a deep breath and jammed his splayed fingers through his hair. "When I was in the coma, I had a dream," he began slowly. "But it was more intense than any dream I've ever experienced. I could see, feel, smell, taste and hear everything as if it was as real as you and me sitting here right now." He glanced at Pete who gave him a slight nod and MacGyver began at the beginning and didn't stop until he confessed his recent trip to Milwaukee. "That's what I want, Pete. I want Joanna, and Milwaukee, and Challengers, but none of that exists. I finally know what I want and it's all a figment of my imagination."
Pete exhaled slowly, "Wow, Mac, that's a lot to take in."
"I know," MacGyver murmured.
"But at least now you know what you want. You know you can make a commitment and keep it."
"Can I?" Mac queried. "Can I really keep a commitment? That's what I don't know? I thought I had committed to Phoenix, but a stranger comes along, tells me he's my son, and off I ride into the sunset."
"You can do anything you put your mind to, MacGyver," his friend assured him. "If you make a commitment worth keeping, you'll keep it. The only thing holding you back is you."
Mac remained silent.
"It's late, Mac. Why don't you try and get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning."
"Yeah, sure," MacGyver agreed, too exhausted both physically and emotionally to argue.
A tapping sound on MacGyver's window roused him and a blinding beam of light aimed at his face startled him awake. In a daze, he powered down the car window to find a highway patrolman frowning at him.
"It's not safe to sleep off a hangover on the side of the road, son."
Mac shook his head, "I'm not drunk. I was driving back to the city and started to get tired. I pulled over to rest a bit so I wouldn't cause an accident. I guess I fell asleep."
"Hmmm," the officer scowled, the beam of his flashlight now bouncing around the interior of the car. "Well, I don't see any open bottles…and you don't smell of alcohol…but I'm still giving you a citation for illegal parking. If you feel tired again, find a proper rest area or a motel instead."
After taking all of MacGyver's information, he handed Mac the ticket. "Be safe now, ya hear?"
"Thank you officer, I will," MacGyver promised. The cool, night air wafting through the open window had cleared the sleepy haze from his mind and he suddenly remembered his dream. He had been in an accident and woke up in 1992! At least, he thought it was a dream, unless this was. He recalled the anguish of realizing Joanna, Challengers, and his life in Milwaukee had all been imagined. Adrenaline surged through his body and he quickly scanned the traffic citation in the dim light of the car. It was dated 1998. Mac's body went limp with relief. This was real. This was his life. The life he wanted. And he knew without a doubt exactly where he belonged and what he needed to do. He stretched as much as the confines of the vehicle would allow before turning the key to start the engine. He pulled back onto the road that would take him…home.
