Wednesday, May 25, 2022- 20 weeks

Since last Friday, Amy has only been home to sleep. She'll leave for the hospital to be there when visiting hours start at seven and not return home until after dark. I'll go with her in the morning, but she'll insist I leave before lunch. She knows how I feel about hospitals, which I appreciate. I'd leave under the guise of having a meeting or something that can't be rescheduled, then return with dinner for Amy and her mother so they aren't subjected to hospital food for three meals a day.

Larry was being released when we arrived this morning. It was midday before he was actually allowed to leave. We spent the afternoon at her parents' house. I offered to do some light cleaning to make things easier for Amy's mother. Larry already has Amy and his wife doting on him, he doesn't need me invading his personal space, as well. I enter the living room just in time to hear Amy ask, "Should we order something for dinner?"

"No. I'll cook," I find myself offering. "What would you like, Larry?"

He lets out a laugh before answering, "I really want some pizza, but I think that's what got me in this situation. Whatever on that list of heart-healthy foods is okay, I guess." I nod and return to the kitchen, seeing what they have that I can whip up.

I don't take long to prepare lemon chicken and a small salad; we eat in the living room. When I move to collect the dishes from the coffee table, Mrs. Fowler stops me. "I've got the dishes, Sheldon. Thank you for cooking and your help this afternoon, but you sit and relax." Amy starts to get up to help her, but is also stopped, "It's just a few dishes. I can handle putting them in the dishwasher.

I'm sitting in the rocking chair opposite Amy and Larry on the couch. I know Amy is relieved to have her father home. I can tell by the way she shifts next to him and rests her head against his shoulder while he turns on Jeopardy. I've never seen Amy this way with her father. I wonder if this is what their relationship was like when she was a child. The comfort and ease between them makes me picture her as a young girl, cozied up next to Larry, watching television or reading comics from the newspaper together. I know her mother was hard on her; I'm thankful she had Larry for solace on those days.

Watching Amy with her dad makes me miss my dad. I've been thinking about him a lot lately, not just since Friday when we heard about Larry's heart attack, but since I learned I was going to be a father myself. My dad missed so many things in not only my life but Georgie's and Missy's. He hasn't gotten to see his grandchildren grow up; he only met the oldest of his grandchildren and my child would be his sixth. He never saw me get married or win the Nobel. I have never been able to call him after a long day to simply check in and ask how his day was or tell him about the new Star Wars movies.

I'm drawn from my thoughts by the end music of Jeopardy and Larry announcing, "I'm going to go to bed."

"Okay. I'll come over tomorrow. You and Mom can call or text me if you need anything tonight or in the morning before I get here," Amy stands from the couch and brushes Larry's hair back before gently kissing the top of his head. "I love you, Daddy."


Neither Amy nor I say much on the drive home. We get home and I change into my pajamas, despite it being earlier than usual to get ready for bed. I'm not in much of a mood to stay up, despite the early hour.

I've turned off the lights and confirmed my alarm is set for tomorrow when Amy opens the door, "Sheldon?" She quietly asks.

"Yeah?" I roll over to face the bedroom door where she's still standing.

She sits on the side of the bed, placing her hand on my hip. "Are you okay? You've barely said two words since we got home."

"I'm fine," I mumble, pulling the blanket tighter around my shoulders, hoping Amy doesn't notice I'm not fine.

Amy doesn't push the subject and leaves me alone in bed while she prepares for bed herself. I feel the bed move as she climbs into bed and scoots behind me. She drapes her arm over me and whispers, "I know something is bothering you. It's okay, Sheldon. I respect your decision to keep whatever it is to yourself and won't push you to talk about it. I love you."

This will give her one more thing to worry about, but now I feel like I have to tell her. "I was so scared when you said your dad had a heart attack," I finally say without turning over to face her. "Suddenly I was nine years old again. My parents and Meemaw never said Dad had had a heart attack, but I heard them talking. I knew."

My wife squeezes me tighter than she had been, whispering, "I'm sorry. Do you need anything from me?" No one has ever asked me that when I bring up my dad.

"Then, I was fourteen and my brother was waiting outside the university. He told me dad had a heart attack and it was a bad one and we needed to get to the hospital right away. I could tell by the look on my mom's face and how Meemaw held her as Georgie and I approached. I'll never forget the way Missy cried for days. I was so scared I was going to have to hold you like Meemaw held my mom. I knew I wouldn't be able to throw myself into my work like I threw myself into my studies after my dad died."

"Turn around. I want you to look at me as I say what I'm about to say," Amy releases me from her embrace, giving me space to turn over. I feel Amy's fingertips brush my cheek, wiping the tears that had been flowing down them. Amy's hand then finds mine before she speaks again. "I know it's been over twenty-five years since your dad died, but it's okay to miss him, especially right now that you're about to be a dad yourself."

"I've spent most of my life without my dad. He wasn't there when I got my Ph.D., or moved to California, or married you. Your dad has always been there for you," My gaze meets Amy's eyes. She smiles and her eyes soften as she thinks of her father. "I know there's going to come a day he's not, but I'm glad that's not now."

Amy silently kisses my cheek and snuggles into me. I move our joined hands to her stomach. "Me, too."

"Can we go to sleep now? This week has been exhausting."

"Yes. I'm all for early bedtimes the rest of the week." I duck my head to kiss Amy's lips. This woman knows exactly what I need to hear. She will never know how much that really means to me.


Apologies if this chapter made you cry. I did when I was editing it.