8
Jasper was seated on the porch swing when Edward pulled back up to the house, but Bella wasn't ready to talk to him yet, so she climbed out and headed down to the water's edge. She dug her phone out of her back pocket before wrapping her arms around herself. The urge to call her mom was overwhelming, but not the mom back on Bainbridge Island, the one with Heidi. She wanted her mom, the real Renee.
So, instead, she scrolled through the dozens of voicemails she had saved and pressed on her favorite one. Tears flooded her eyes, for the twentieth time that day, as she heard her soft, delicate voice trickle through the speaker.
"Hey, Poppy, I know things were a little, well, tense when we left, but I just wanted to tell you how proud Dad and I are of you. You've worked so hard to chase your dreams, and we know that you're going to be the best doctor the world has ever seen. Just remember that no matter how far away we are, Dad and I are always going to be here for you. We love you, Poppy. We love you so much. Never forget how much we love you. I'll let you know when we get home, and maybe you can call me back in the morning. I miss the sound of your voice already."
Bringing her hand up to her mouth, she wasn't able to stifle the uncontrollable sob that trickled to the tip of her tongue. She hadn't heard her mother call her poppy in so long, too long. Instead, she called her bitch, cunt, whore, loser, everything but her poppy. That had been the last phone call she got from her mother before the accident. Bella had let it go to voicemail, sure that her mother was still angry with her for picking her friends over her and Charlie. And when the phone rang early the next morning, she was annoyed, once again sure her mother was calling to scold her for not returning her phone call, yet when she answered, when she heard the deep, masculine voice on the other end of the phone telling her there had been an accident, her entire world fell apart.
"Cricket."
Bella closed her eyes for a moment before she opened them again, turning and finding the love of her life standing just a few feet behind her. His face was red and puffy, his eyes swollen and the thought of him crying over her broke her heart. He had cried the night she kicked him out, too. Begged her to let him stay, begged her to let him take care of both of them, but she didn't, because Renee was her responsibility and she wasn't going to pawn her mother off on someone else. It was bad enough she was giving up medical school, her future, she hadn't wanted Jasper to give up everything, too.
"You came back."
She nodded. "I, um, I did."
"Why?"
"Why?" she echoed, shaking her head. "Because even though I know I shouldn't, even though I know it's not fair to you, I still love you, Jay. I've always loved you."
"I love you, too," he whispered, smiling as he reached for her, but she shook her head and pulled away from him. "Cricket."
"Loving you doesn't change the fact that you're married. That you married her, of all people, that you told everyone not to tell me, that you kissed me and told me that you loved me knowing that you have a wife."
Jasper frowned. "So that's it? You love me, but we can't be together because I lost my way for a while, because I was hurt and . . . and lonely and stupid. Is that what you're saying?"
"I don't know," she cried, putting her hands up in front of her. "I want you, Jay. I want you so much, but I don't understand how you could marry her. Why her?"
Jasper shrugged his shoulders as he shoved his hands into the pockets on his shorts. "I was angry, Cricket. I was hurt and angry and . . . Well, she was there."
"Wow, she was there," Bella echoed.
"What do you want me to say? I was ready to drop everything for you, and you told me you didn't want me anymore. You told me to leave, Cricket, and I did. It tore my heart into a million little pieces, but I left and I fell apart. I'm not proud of myself for not being stronger, for letting my anger get the best of me, and when Maria showed the smallest amount of interest, I said fuck it, and I gave in."
"Did she make you feel better?"
"No. She made me numb to everything. I didn't feel anything with her, or without her, and she didn't like that. She didn't like that at all."
Bella bit her lip before saying, "Edward said there were bruises."
"Did he now?" Jasper gritted out, glancing back to the house and when she looked over, she saw Edward and Alice watching them from the back deck. They were quick to hurry back into the house, though. "I wish he hadn't told you that."
"Is it true?"
Jasper nodded as he looked down at his feet. "Started after Dad told me to end our marriage. She wasn't happy, and she called me a pathetic loser, a bastard, and then she hit me. I should have left that night, should have, I don't know, hit the bitch back, but I didn't. I stayed and over the next handful of months, did things that I'm not proud of, Cricket, but I did it to survive."
"Like what? What did you do, Jay?"
"You don't need the ugly details."
"You don't get to tell me what I need to know, and what I don't, Jay. Tell me what she made you do."
Jasper sat in the sand, bending his knees up in front of him. "We were living in Vegas, and it's expensive there, and I wasn't providing her with the lifestyle that she wanted. I found work in one of the casinos, dealing blackjack, but its shit money, so I started working in one of the clubs."
"A strip club?" she heard herself as she walked over and sat next to him.
He looked at her and nodded. "But it wasn't just a strip club."
"You . . . you slept with women from the club?"
"No, of course not, but I . . . I let them touch me, and I touched them in return. Eventually, they wanted more than just touching, she wanted me to do more than just touching, said I needed to provide her with bigger and better, but I . . . I couldn't do that, so I said no. She didn't exactly want to take no for an answer, so I waited until she was sleep and I packed my shit up and left in the middle of the night. I pawned as much as I could, some of which didn't belong to me, and paid for a bus ticket back to Seattle. Ended up on my father's doorstep. Thankfully, he let me in, and he and Ben and Alice and the others helped me get sober, helped me gather the courage and strength to file for divorce. She refuses to sign the papers, though. I've petitioned the court to grant the divorce despite her opposition, but so far they've refused."
"I don't know what to say."
"You always said I left you speechless," he teased, his voice was terse, timid almost. "I'm not proud of how I've lived my life for the last three years, Cricket, but I can't change it, either. And I don't want to lose you, not again."
"I don't want to lose you, either, Jay, I don't, but I don't know what to do, you know? I mean, my life isn't any different now than it was three years ago."
"I'll be there every day if you'll let me, Cricket. Every fucking day."
"You don't want my life, Jay. You don't . . ." Bella wrapped her arms around her knees, the sleeve on her shirt rising and he turned and placed his fingers on the long, thin scar on the inside of her arm. She brushed his fingers off as she pulled her sleeve down. "Don't ask."
"Well, I'm gonna. What happened?"
Bella sighed, leaning her head against the top of her knees. "We'd just moved to Bainbridge Island when I was late coming home from work because the ferry had broken down halfway to Seattle. By the time, I got home, she was . . . Well, nights are hard, and she was agitated. I made the mistake of ordering pizza for dinner, and I guess she wasn't in the mood for pizza that night, and she threw her glass against the wall and came after me with one of the shards. I managed to wrestle it away from her and held her until she calmed down. And that's when I realized she had cut me. I got her focused on a puzzle and I sewed it up."
"You gave yourself stitches?"
She nodded. "I couldn't leave her alone, and I couldn't very well take her to the E.R. with me without having to explain why I had a four inch cut on the inside of my arm, so I did it myself. She didn't even remember what she did. That's when I found Heidi, her home nurse. She takes care of my mom while I'm at work, but the nights are . . . the nights are bad. She's mean and hateful and the things she says . . . My mom would never have used the kind of language she does now."
"Is she like that a lot?"
Bella sighed, but once again found herself nodding. "It's gotten worse over the last year or so. Heidi thinks it's time I put her in a nursing home, or an assisted living center, but I don't know, Jay. She's my mom."
"What would the old Renee want you to do?"
"She'd probably tell me I was an idiot for letting you go, for pushing everyone away, and tell me to get out my head out of my ass and think about myself for a change, but that doesn't change the fact that she's my mom, and she needs me."
Jasper reached over and threaded his fingers in with hers. While Bella wasn't sure she should let herself find comfort in him again, she found herself scooting closer to him, leaning her forehead against his shoulder.
"I missed you, Cricket."
"I missed you, too."
"Can you forgive me?"
"I don't know," she admitted, tilting her head back and looking up at him. "I know I kicked you out, and I know it's not fair to be upset that you moved on. That's what I told you to do, but knowing that you went to her of all people, I just . . . I don't know, Jay. I just don't know."
"Then let me prove myself to you. We can move as slowly as you want, but I can't . . . I can't lose you again, Cricket. I can't go through that again."
"You don't know what're saying, Jay. You don't . . . My life is . . . boring and mundane, and —"
"I love boring and mundane." Jasper shifted so that he was kneeling in front of her. "You can't sit here and tell me that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with me."
"Of course I do, but I can't just abandon my mother, either."
"I'm not asking you pick me over her. I'm asking you to let me love you and let me help you take care of her. Let all of us help you."
Bella started to shake her head, but Jasper placed his hands on either side, stopping her. "Jay."
"Don't say no. Not yet, at least. Okay? We've got three days together. Just let go and let me love you, and if at the end of these three days, you don't want me to go back with you, then we'll say goodbye and that will be it, but for these three days, let go and let's have fun. Together."
"And if it's only three days? Will you really let me go?"
"I'll never let you go, but I won't stand in your way if you decide you don't want to spend the rest of your life with me."
Bella leaned into his touch as a tear slid down her face. "Jay."
"I love you, Cricket. Just give me these three days."
Bella blew out a deep, slow breath before she nodded. "Three days. I'll give you three days, Jay, but it's not going to change anything."
"Then I guess I'd better make the best of these three days, huh?"
Jasper stood up and offered her his hand. Though she wasn't sure she was making the right decision, knowing there was no way three days with him was ever going to be enough, she found herself laying her hand in with his and allowing him to pull her to her feet. His other hand came up to the side of her face, his eyes shifting to her lips.
"Can I kiss you, Cricket?"
"Yes."
The word had barely left her mouth when his lips crushed down onto hers. She moaned, and she was unable to keep from reaching up, grabbing the front of his shirt, needing to be closer to him. Jasper reached down and cupped the back of her thighs before he lifted her, causing her to throw her arms around his neck and wrap her legs around his waist.
"If you don't want to be with me, I'll sleep on the couch."
Bella smiled, tangling her fingers into the back of his hair, causing him to groan. "And let those condoms go to waste? I don't think so, Jay."
"Are you sure, Cricket? Are you really sure?"
"No," she admitted. "But take me to bed anyway. Just . . . just don't make me regret it."
Though she could see the doubt in his eyes, Jasper simply nodded and carried her up to the lake house, through the kitchen, the living room, and upstairs to their bedroom. He closed the door behind them with his foot, and when he set her back onto her feet, she looked over, finding her suitcase sitting on the bed.
"Edward."
"Alice," Jasper disagreed. "Don't be mad at them, okay? They told me to tell you, I just —"
"I don't want to talk that right now. I just . . . I just want to feel you again."
"Cricket," he whispered, keeping his eyes locked on hers as he reached down and gripped the hem of her T-shirt, slowly lifting it upward. Bella raised her arms, allowing him to remove her shirt. His eyes drifted down to her breasts and the red bra she was wearing.
"My favorite color."
"It's all I wear," she said, quietly as she reached for the hem on his shirt. "And I think of you every time."
Like she had, Jasper raised his arms as she stripped it off and left him topless as well. Bella placed her hands on his bare chest, feeling him shiver as her fingers slid down until they reached the top of his shorts. He inhaled a sharp breath as she pulled them downward to his feet. Jasper wasn't wearing any underwear and she bit the inside of her bottom lip as she looked up at him and wrapped her fingers around his girth. Her memories hadn't done him any justice.
"Fuck," he groaned, sliding his hands into her shorts and pushing them down while thrusting himself into her hand. "On the bed, Cricket. I need you now."
She released him and turned, kicking her shorts off as she walked to the bed. Pausing, she looked over her shoulder, as she slipped her hands into her panties and stripped them off. She removed her bar next and then turned and climbed onto the bed, leaning up on her elbows as she stared at him.
"What are you waiting for?"
Jasper turned and locked the door, before he walked over to the bed and opened the drawer on the nightstand. He kept his eyes locked on hers as he opened the box and tore one of the small, squire foil packs off and dropped the rest back onto the table. He crawled onto the bed so that he was kneeling between her open legs, his eyes drifting down her body to her pussy.
"Later, I'm going to eat your pussy, until you've cum so hard, you can't think even straight, but for now, I just need to be inside of you."
"Then get inside of me already," she purred, biting the inside of her lip.
Jasper's jaw tightened as he ripped open the little foil package and rolled the latex condom on, his eyes tightening as he shifted so that he was hovering over her. "I love you, Cricket."
"I love you, too, Jay."
Bella wrapped her arms around him and pulled his body down on top of her just moments before she felt him push inside her. She groaned, her fingers tangling in his hair. It'd been too long since she'd felt him inside her, felt anyone inside of her, but especially him. He'd been the only man she'd ever been with, her first everything, and feeling him inside of her again brought tears to her eyes.
"Oh, my God," she whimpered as he slowly started moving, his hand coming up to the back of her thigh, bringing her leg up over his hip. "Harder, Jay."
"Cricket, if I fuck you any harder, I'm not going to last, and I want this to fucking last."
"We have all night, just . . . fuck me harder."
Jasper growled as his hips began to slam against her, the burning need to let her climax wash over her was beginning to build. Jasper snaked his arm beneath her before he leaned backward so that he was sitting on his haunches. She wrapped her legs around him, their chests pressed against one another's. Jasper wrapped her hair in his fingers, pulling her forehead to rest against his as his upward thrusts met her downward rocks.
"I . . . Jay, I can't . . . I can't hold off. Cum with me," she begged. "Please, lover, cum with me."
"Oh, fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," he panted before his lips met hers and as her body clenched around him, shaking as her climax took over, and after a handful of powerful thrusts, Jasper came with her, his forehead dropping to the middle of his chest. "I've missed this, too."
Bella laughed. "Me too."
Jasper looked up at her. "Thank you."
"I think I should be thanking you," she said with a smirk, raking her fingers through his shaggy, blond hair.
"No, I mean, thank you for coming back, for giving me the chance to really apologize. I should have been honest with you, but I just . . . I just didn't want to lose you," he whimpered, his blue eyes filling with tears.
"I wish I could tell you that I understand, that I'm still not hurting, but I can't, Jay. I just . . . I just can't, not yet, but I've missed you, and I'm going to try, okay? That's all I can promise."
"I'll take it." Jasper scooted off the bed with him still in his arms. "Now, how about that shower we talked about?"
Bella laughed and nodded. "Better grab another condom, though. Just to be safe, you know?"
Jasper laughed as he tightened his arm around her and grabbed two more before carrying her into the bathroom. Three days was never going to be enough time with him, that much she already knew.
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