Dimitri opened the door of his apartment and stood at the entrance. I stayed behind him, rocking on the balls of my feet. It had been two days since he was restored, and Dimitri woke with a need to return to his place. He had stated it was for clothes, but I wondered how it would go returning to where he lived as a Strigoi.

I was conflicted. I felt terrible thinking of moments shared between us there that I considered fond memories. But then I also remembered him biting me and running off to kill my best friend.

Maybe 'fond' wasn't the right word for my memories with Dimitri, but I also couldn't say I hated them.

Neither of us spoke as Dimitri eventually entered the space and began to look around. Though he spent every day there, as he wandered, he appeared to be taking everything in as if it were the first time. He reached the bookshelf and traced the book spines with his fingers.

"I don't even know why I collected these," he commented. The warmth had seeped out of his tone the night before, and now his voice was always flat. I never received another smile after the one I gained.

I chewed on my lip. "You enjoyed them," I offered. His reaction when I bought him a book was a good memory.

"No, I didn't." Dimitri turned away from the books, and my heart squeezed painfully.

I dropped my eyes and took a breath. I couldn't—shouldn't—take it personally.

"People always said you read them…before," I tried but winced. Should I even mention before he was Strigoi? It wasn't like I had witnessed it with my own eyes. I couldn't even remember him at the academy.

He kept his back to me, but I could see the tension in his shoulders. "Yes. I enjoyed them, but when I was…" Dimitri breathed in slowly, then shook his head, "It wasn't the same."

We became silent again.

Dimitri continued to move around the apartment. He approached the fridge; the door left ajar, and an empty protein shake bottle laid discarded next to it. He nudged the bottle with his foot before opening the fridge door, then suddenly slammed it.

"What's wrong?" I asked with a jump.

He stalked forward with a dark look on his face. "I need to buy some food." Dimitri paused at the door and frowned, "I'll need some locks, as well."

"Locks?"

"I'm not as strong as before. I need some kind of protection," Dimitri muttered.

It took a moment for the reason to click. "You don't have to stay here," I replied, a hopeful smile on my lips as I offered, "I mean, you're welcome to stay with me."

Dull eyes met mine. "No."

The rejection hit hard. I swallowed down the hurt. "Okay, but wouldn't you prefer somewhere with a window? Or–"

"I don't have the money or the documents to be able to find a new place, Rose. I've never been part of the human world, and I've been dead in the Moroi world for a year," he argued. It seemed anger was the only emotion that I could pull from him.

"I know," I tried to soothe him, "Abe said–"

"I don't want to make any deals with Zmey."

The conversation was spiralling. "It isn't a deal. He's doing it as a favour to me."

Dimitri shifted closer, and I fought the urge to step back. He towered over me with anger in his eyes. "I don't deserve any of your favours. Do you know how I got this place? I killed the owner. And then I killed their family." The ice in his voice sent chills down my spine, and the anguish in his expression broke my heart. He turned away from me, "There's nothing I've done to deserve any favours from you."

"You–" I stilled when Dimitri inhaled sharply, eyes wide as he stared at the bed. I followed his eye line to the covers, and my stomach dropped. Drops of blood stained the silk covers. "Dimitri, that–"

"I need some time," he cut me off. Dimitri no longer stared at the bed but wouldn't look at me either. "Please. I just need some time alone."

I couldn't think of anything to say that would offer any comfort. "Will you come back to the apartment later?" I asked, but the desperation in my voice made it sound like a plea. "Or will you call me so I know you're safe?" It was daytime currently, but once night settled, Dimitri would be without a stake to defend himself, and who knew what kind of enemies he had gained over the past months.

He sighed; it was heavy and exasperated. He never met my eyes, but he did nod. "I'll be back before sundown."


It would be a lie to say I wasn't waiting by the door with my phone in my hand. I kept checking the screen for a notification of a message or a call and found nothing.

The minutes ticked closer to sunset, and the shadows of the afternoon steadily grew.

Lissa tried to distract me, but I couldn't take my eyes off the door. I gave Dimitri the spare key, he should have been able to get up the elevator and through the door, but he still wasn't there. A lump formed in my throat as I accepted that he might not return.

Maybe I was just the fascination for the monster, but with a soul, Dimitri didn't want me. He was freed from his curse and could do anything he wanted. Why should I expect him to come back to me and the world that killed him in the first place?

What could I offer to him except the memories of being Strigoi?

The lock turned and the door slowly opened, the edge caught the toe of my shoe. I had literally sat by the door, my head in my hands as I wallowed in my loss. My head snapped up and I discovered Dimitri towering over me with a duffle bag hanging off his shoulder.

I blinked at him, stunned. "You came back?"

Dimitri's brows knitted together; guilt clouded his eyes. "I didn't realise it was so late. No windows made it difficult to see the sunset," he offered in a small voice. "Have you been here the whole time?"

I glanced beside me at the snacks Lissa left when I refused to move. My face heated. "Maybe." I checked my phone again; the sun had set an hour ago. "I didn't think you would come back."

He shifted on his feet. "I almost didn't."

The confession hurt but didn't surprise me. I lifted my eyes to his. "What changed your mind?"

"I found this," he answered and reached into his pocket. A silver chain hung from his hand, the cross dangled in front of my eyes. "I guess you forgot to put it back on that day."

A gasp left my lips, "I've been looking for that." I held my hand out when he offered it to me; I cradled the necklace in my palm and was overcome with relief. "I thought I lost it."

That day.

So much had happened and everything changed—for both of us.

"Can we talk?" Dimitri asked after a moment, "Maybe not in the doorway?"

I flushed again and moved my feet so he could open the door enough to step through. My body protested when I stood, sitting on the ground for half the day caused my muscles to lock up. Dimitri followed behind me as I led the way to my room; I made a weak announcement to the others that Dimitri was back. None of them said anything, but I felt my mother's eyes on me, and Lissa sent hopeful thoughts through the bond.

It felt awkward to be alone with him. I wasn't used to being uncertain around him, not since those first weeks I visited him. But that unease was because I thought I was about to become a snack—now, it was a whole different reason.

"Can I get you anything?" I offered.

Dimitri shook his head and dropped his duffle by the foot of the bed. It gave me some hope that he brought it. He sat on the edge of the mattress and gestured beside him. His hands clasped his knees, rubbing his jeans nervously. "I'm sorry," he apologised suddenly.

I tilted my head and dropped down beside him. "It's okay you're late," I replied, but he shook his head.

"No. I'm sorry that I hurt you—that I betrayed the trust you put in me. I'm sorry I used you and tried to hurt you so many times."

My hand covered his and squeezed. "You never did any of that."

His eyes flicked to mine, "Yes, I did. Especially when I fed off you so you wouldn't follow me."

"That wasn't you."

A resigned look crossed his face. "That was the me you fell in love with."

All the air left my body. Fuck. I hadn't sorted through that can of worms yet and had hoped to avoid it a while longer. "I…" I didn't know what to say. "It wasn't exactly that part of you that I fell for. It was the other times when you were kind and caring. You saw I was struggling with the darkness when no one else did. It was the part of you that wanted to be better that I fell for."

His fingers moved to the charmed bracelet he gave me, "I did it because I want you to myself. I want to possess you."

"You went all the way to Rio to find a way to help me. Sure, it wasn't always the right solution you came up with, but you did it to help me."

"When the spirit user told me I could be restored, I wanted it—for you. So I could be with you. But then she mentioned the effect it had on the user; she refused to restore me because she didn't want to take on that kind of darkness. When you offered it, that was all I could think of." He squeezed my hand and looked me in the eye. "Did I make it worse? Has the darkness made by saving me doomed you?"

I paused, sensing the darkness I held and reached for the bond to Lissa. It was there, a black cloud of dangerous emotion, but it wasn't strong. I didn't feel like it would destroy me. My eyes dropped to the bracelet, sensing the powerful magic it held. "You already made sure that wouldn't happen," I told him with a smile. "It might have been for a different reason, but you protected me."

Dimitri released a long breath and inched closer to me; there was a moment of hesitation before his forehead pressed to mine. I closed my eyes and breathed him in.

"I always wondered how it would be to feel you warm. I like it," I admitted. "And I like feeling your heartbeat." I pressed my hand to his chest. My eyes opened and I found him already gazing at me. I smiled, "And I love your eyes. They are so beautiful in the sunlight; I can't look away. I tried to imagine it but could never get it right."

He pressed his lips together, a slight quiver as his eyes watered. "There's so much I did when Strigoi. I hurt so many people. I was a murderer. I don't feel like I deserve another chance."

I brought my hands up to cradle his face, using the pad of my thumb to wipe away the tears that fell. "You deserve the chance. You gave your life to save others and were cursed to live as a monster. None of it is your fault. Even soulless, you wanted to be good. You deserve this second chance."

His eyes dropped. "What if there's a part of me that's still evil?"

"There isn't," I replied firmly, "I know there isn't."

Dimitri covered my hands with his, leaning into my touch, and turning his head to brush his lips against my palm. I could sense a question on his mind and felt his nervousness before he voiced it. "What if I'm not the same? What if I'm nothing like what you fell in love with?"

"Dimitri, my feelings for you won't change," I promised, "Hell, I think I've already fallen more in love with you." I shifted forward and tilted my head up to kiss his forehead, lingering for a moment before I pulled back. "My feelings for you aren't changing. I'm not going anywhere," I swore, holding his eyes so he knew I meant it. "No matter what happens, I won't leave you."


Dimitri was hesitant, eyes flicking to mine before back to the wrap he was securing to his wrist. It was a step—a big one.

Two weeks had passed, and Dimitri was steadily improving. A couple of hiccups along the way sent him spiralling into a period of depression. Forgiveness wasn't something he allowed himself easily; each time was a struggle to convince him that he shouldn't hold onto the guilt.

As the days passed, I witnessed the sweeter sides of him; moments that were fleeting when Strigoi were now constant and left me filled with so much love for him. I wanted to jump back to the level of intimacy we were, but knew Dimitri needed time. So, I gave it without question or expectation. When Dimitri was ready, he would tell me, and until then, I would wait patiently.

Slowly, he began to allow himself to enjoy things; it started with food, and then books. One afternoon he had flicked through channels on the television and found an old movie; his face had lit up and he drew me to his side with an arm around my shoulders. I paid more attention to the joy in his expression and the cheerful note when he recounted watching it with his sisters growing up.

During the day, he would walk around in the sun. Sometimes, he would visit us between classes and eat with us on campus. Dimitri was nervous around others and preferred not to be in crowded areas. The guardian side of him returned quickly, and I would catch him surveying the area for threats just like Janine and I would.

One activity he hadn't been willing to try before but decided to give it a go was sparring. I couldn't blame him for his apprehension, especially when the last time we fought, I tried to kill him.

"If it's too much, just say so," I reminded him as I took a stance on one side of the mat, offering a smile to ease his nerves. "We're just messing around." I almost added 'like before', but that wouldn't help relax him.

Dimitri tried to return the smile, but it was more like a grimace. "I know."

"Okay," I replied, deciding to try a different approach, "I'm pretty sure I'm going to beat you now. I bet I'm stronger."

The corner of his lip twitched, and the look in his eyes shifted to amusement, "I don't think so, Roza."

I hid my relief that it worked and smirked. "You're going down, comrade."


I was wrong. I was so very wrong.

I went down. Hard.

The thought that Dimitri only won each time we fought because he was Strigoi was wrong. Dimitri was a beast. No—he was a God. The thought he had been taken down by a Strigoi was shocking and terrifying.

Dimitri knelt beside me, face hovering above mine with a wince; his hand ghosted around my cheek before he pulled back. "Are you okay?"

I groaned and squeezed my eyes closed, "Only my pride. I thought I would win that round."

"You were doing better," he offered, "Maybe next time."

My eyes snapped to his. "Just wait," I warned as I climbed to my feet, "I'm going to win, and I will never let you forget it." I rolled my shoulders and stretched my back. "I'll tell all your guardian friends so everyone knows I took you down."

Dimitri sighed in exasperation, rising to his feet and crossing his arms, "I don't have any guardian friends."

"Fine, I'll tell your family." The response slipped from my lips without thinking about it. As soon as it did, I froze and slapped a hand over my mouth.

His face fell a little, becoming wistful as his eyes clouded. "Vika would love that. She would never let me live it down." Some warmth returned to his expression, and he gave me a half smile, "She would get along with you, and I know you would both get into trouble somehow."

My hand dropped back to my side, keenly watching him for signs of spiralling, but Dimitri continued to talk about his family fondly.

"You know," I started when he paused after finishing a story about his sisters, "Lissa only found the way to save you because of your grandmother." It occurred to me that I never told him. Dimitri's eyes snapped to me, unblinking as I continued. "Abe told me Yeva said he had to give me the journal that had the details. And then, Yeva told Abe that he had to be in town that day and was in the right place at the right time to cross paths as I was running to the University. I think she might know that you're…back."

"Oh."

I waited for more. Tried not to stare too intently at him, but Dimitri never added to it—barely even a reaction before he began to unwrap his hands and pack his bag. With no idea what else to do, I packed up as well. It was awkward, and the conversation never picked up again on the walk back to our level.

Dimitri opened the door for me, carrying both of our bags, but it was like he was on autopilot. I swore I could call his name, and he wouldn't hear me. I stayed in the living room rather than follow him to my room—our room now with surprisingly very little argument from Janine.

He needed time to sort through the information.

"Ah, finally, you're back."

I jumped, spinning on my heel to face the kitchen table. Abe was at the head with a cup of coffee and a cunning smile. Janine sat beside him, cupping her mug with a smug look on her face. "I told you she's head over heels for him," she remarked and sipped from her cup.

"You're right," Abe mused, then winked at her, "Reminds me of you."

Janine giggled, and I gagged. "Whatever that was—don't do it again," I replied with disgust, "I don't need to see my parents flirt."

"That wasn't even flirting. I assure you, I can be so much worse," Abe's eye glinted, "can't I, Janine?"

I held my hands up and looked away, "Stop!" Their laughter made me scowl. "What are you doing here, old man?"

He turned to my mother and shook his head, "The way she talks to me."

Janine scoffed, "Should have heard how she used to talk to me."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, we all know I'm a terrible daughter, and we have a fucked-up family dynamic. Get over that and tell me why you're here."

They broke apart from their little whispering corner, both somewhat amused. It was a scene I never imagined experiencing; my parents joking with me—or at me. Abe turned his chair out from the table to face me, crossing his ankle over his knee; he tapped at a yellow envelope I hadn't noticed on the table. "It's done," he announced.

I pressed my lips together and narrowed my eyes. "What's done?"

He looked skyward before pushing the envelope forward. "What you requested. I've finished it. Everything is in there—a cover story and evidence to support it. I have a signed document from the Head of Guardians that reinstates Dimitri and even new IDs issued for him. I had to call in a favour with Hans, but everything is sorted."

Janine hummed, side-eyeing Abe, "You had a deal with Hans?"

"It's a fascinating story–"

I marched up to the table after I caught up with what he said. I snatched up the envelope and interrupted what he was about to say. "You did it?"

Abe frowned, "Don't sound so surprised."

"I'm not surprised," I amended, "I just didn't think you would do it so soon." I peeked inside but stopped myself. It wasn't for me. "Thanks. I'll let him know." I was about to run to my room when Abe cleared his throat.

"Give him this as well." He held a phone in his hand. "It's all paid for and set up. I got a phone plan with a great deal on international calls."

I had never felt overcome with a need to hug my parents; I could count on my fingers the number of times my mom hugged me. Yet, at that moment, I didn't let the fact I barely knew him hold me back from throwing my arms around my father. It was quick; his arms didn't even come up to return it before I pulled back. Both of them wore shocked expressions.

"Thanks, Abe. I appreciate it!"

I ran to my room, closing my door behind me as Dimitri emerged from my bathroom with raised brows.

"Everything okay?" he asked, hand stilling with the towel in his hair. For a moment, I was distracted by his bare chest and low-hanging sweatpants.

"Yeah," I replied, forcing my eyes back to his. I held up the envelope and phone with more eagerness and excitement than showed on his face. "Abe delivered," I told him, watching as the realisation hit him, and his mask came up.

"I don't know if I can accept that," his eyes focused on the envelope.

"You can. There are no strings," I promised, and made a mental note to remind Abe as much, "I didn't look, but it sounded legit. He even got stuff signed by the Head of Guardians." I thrust the envelope into his hands. "And this," I gave him the phone, "can call internationally."

Dimitri was dumbfounded—frozen in place and staring at his hands. It might have been too much information at once, but I was too excited to hold back. After a moment, he slowly moved to the bed and sat with both items in his lap.

I kept my lips pressed together and tried not to crowd as he emptied the envelope. A stack of pages fell out; all appeared official with the Guardian seal and an ID that looked just like mine. A bundle of receipts and travel information dated over the past year was at the bottom of the pile. Dimitri picked up a paper signed by Hans and read it.

The curiosity got the best of me. "What does it say?"

"It says that I was injured at the academy, and then worked privately for the past year." He continued to read through the documents, not saying much else other than a shake of his head and muttering, "Unbelievable."

I inched closer. "What?"

"I can receive my new assignment at Court whenever I'm ready to return."

"Oh."

An awkward tension settled in the room.

"You don't have to decide yet," I assured him. Dimitri's lips twitched before they pressed together into a thin line.

Carefully, he gathered the pages together and placed them on the bedside table; just the phone was left on the bed. His fingers tapped his knee. Suddenly, he turned to me with wide eyes, "I never thought I would be able to return to Court or as a guardian."

I moved to his side; Dimitri's hand caught mine and intertwined our fingers. With a slight tug, I sat on the bed, facing him. "It's okay if you don't want to. No one is going to force you."

"I want to," he interjected, "I know what I said as Strigoi, but I still want to be a guardian. I was helping people—I could protect them because I was a guardian. It gave me a meaning, and I want that again."

"Then what's wrong?"

Dimitri looked down; I tried to catch his eyes, but he was focused on the phone. "I have a reason written on paper for my absence from our world. No one would question it if Croft backs it. But…my family…"

"You don't want to lie to them?" I guessed.

He made a sound that was almost a laugh, but it fell flat. "From what you said, they might already know. Babushka does."

My brows furrowed, trying to guess what was holding him back. I reached for his face, repeating the same motion he had done to me many times before, and lifted his chin to see his eyes. "What is it?"

The guilt returned to his expression, and the pain and suffering he couldn't part with came rushing to the surface. "What if they don't accept me? I did so many terrible things—hurt so many people. What if they are terrified of me and won't want me near them?"

Both of my hands cupped his face, keeping his eyes on mine, "They will accept you."

"You don't know–"

"No. I know they will," I stated firmly, "Sure, I've never met them, but I've listened to all of your stories about them, and there isn't a single doubt in my mind that your family wouldn't welcome you back with open arms. Yeva wouldn't have pushed Abe to help me if she didn't want you to come back. They want you, Dimitri."

Tears formed in his eyes but didn't fall over; his eyes closed, and his head turned into my hand, lips pressed to my palm. "Will you stay with me?" The plea whispers against my skin; Dimitri picked up the phone with a shaky hand and held it between us.

I leaned forward and kissed his forehead before I made myself comfortable on the bed. I smiled softly and promised, "Of course, comrade."

A watery smile pulled at his lips, a look of relief in his eyes when they opened. He held one of my hands with an iron grip, taking strength from my presence as he dialled with the other hand. I could see the apprehension as it rang; each one put him more on edge until a woman answered.

"Алло."

Dimitri inhaled sharply. He squeezed my hand. The woman repeated the greeting, followed by something else I couldn't understand. I thought Dimitri would let her hang up, unable to respond. The silence dragged on for another second before he sobbed, "Mama."


I didn't understand the conversation, not the words at least. I could understand the excitement and disbelief in the woman's voice—and the ones that followed. Once Dimitri found the courage to talk, he didn't falter again. The tears fell, and I could hear crying on the other end.

It felt like such a private moment to witness; the fact Dimitri had wanted me with him made me realise how much he trusted me. Halfway through the call, Dimitri pulled me closer; he reclined on the bed, and I curled up against his side with my head on his shoulder. His fingers trailed down my side and played with my hair as he spoke. I settled against him and listened to his heart and the deep rumbles of his voice; it lulled me to a peaceful sleep.

Dimitri woke me after he finished the call; the bright smile I opened my eyes to was better than anything else I had seen. "Thank you," he whispered.

I stretched, moving to sit up, "You're welcome."

Dimitri's arms looped around me, drawing me back to him; our bodies pressed tightly together. "No, Roza. Thank you. For everything." His face pressed to my hair; his warm breath fanned my skin. "You gave me everything I wanted and more. You've given me so much more. Thank you."

It was my turn to tear up; I hid my face in his neck and returned the embrace just as fiercely. "I love you, Dimitri." The confession slipped from my lips—a response that felt like second nature and filled with all my affection. It wasn't the first time I had told him my feelings, but it was the first time since he was restored.

He became still under me, and my blood froze.

A kiss pressed to my cheek. Then another to my jaw. Dimitri rolled us over until I was on my back; with his arms still around me. Kisses peppered my face before he finally pressed his lips to mine. It was a gentle and sensual kiss, unhurried and filled with so much love.

He pulled back after a minute, just enough to see my face. That smile was still on his lips, and his eyes were filled with so much life. "I love you too, Roza. With everything I have, I love you." Another kiss followed, and then another; each was sweeter than the next. "Thank you for loving me."

I fell hard and fast for Dimitri—both versions of him that were the same man. I had danced with the devil for the fallen angel and won. I grinned, curling up tighter against him. "Thanks for loving me back."


Just one chapter left...

A weird thing I was doing was rewriting this chapter while editing chapter 3 of this story... it was like whiplash lol