A/N: More regular updates! I was going to wait a little longer to post but this one is too good not to put out there.
So much love to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed. We passed 650 reviews with last chapter which is so incredible, I can't even. Extra love to Not Enough Answers, my phenomenal beta and the person who yells at me on behalf of all my readers.
The usual warnings apply, this fic is M for a reason! Chapter is titled from the incomparable Chicago song, one of my favorites of all time.
Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, but you already know that, you silly goose.
Chapter 23 – Hard to Say I'm Sorry
A cool breeze whispered through the trees, unmooring a handful of golden leaves. On either side of the walking path, their branches stretched out, reaching for one another to bridge the divide. The result was a canopy woven of twigs and dressed with spectacular fall foliage. Autumn had touched Central Park late, and Sadie smiled at the bright red leaf that latched onto her sheets of dark hair that flowed out from beneath a cream cashmere beanie. She cradled a piping hot coffee between her hands and continued her walk through the park, hugging the right edge of the path to allow runners and cyclists to pass her with little issue.
On nice days like this, she'd taken to wandering the park. Before the November chill really took hold she'd camped out on a park bench with a book, and once or twice she'd been bullied into jogging with Pepper, though that was not her preferred method of exploring the enormous park. That day, however, she was alone and off in her own little world, having finished studying for the day and avoiding Tony as she had largely done since their fallout over Bucky four days earlier.
The solitude was welcome, something she'd rarely felt since waking up. In Wakanda she was almost never alone and while she didn't usually mind Shuri, Nakia, Bishara, T'Challa, Steve, and Bucky crowding her space, sometimes a girl just wanted a little peace and quiet.
Though that wasn't entirely true.
There was one person she wouldn't mind walking with.
Once upon a time, Bucky had promised he would take her to Central Park. It was a line buried in a list he kept on his desk of the places he wanted to show her when they got home. Sadie loved New York, but she would have loved it infinitely more if Bucky was walking next to her, holding her hand and watching the people that passed them by. One of her favorite quirks of their love was that neither of them always felt the need to fill their time up with conversation. Some of her favorite moments were walking with Bucky back to their quarters after a shift at the hospital or a night of dancing, arm looped through his, her head resting on his shoulder while just existing in contented silence. Those were the things she missed the most, little slivers of happiness slipped in between an otherwise bleak and trying wartime existence.
Her fingers twitched, feeling the absence of Bucky's fingers in the spaces between.
More than once in the past four days she'd caught herself on the verge of storming up to her room so she could pack her bags and go back. Sadie couldn't decide if she wanted to yell at him some more or throw herself in his arms or both. All she knew was that she'd learned the hard way that running solved nothing. If anything, it had made everything infinitely worse.
She sipped her coffee, letting the waning warmth chase away the little shivers that actually had very little to do with the chilly afternoon.
Sadie was so lost in her thoughts that she almost failed to notice the buzzing in her coat pocket. Frowning, she shifted her coffee to one hand to plunge the other into her pocket.
"Who on earth?" she muttered to herself, brows knitting together. Very few people had her phone number and even fewer actually bothered to call her: Nakia always used video calls and Rhodey preferred texting. Although she didn't recognize the number she had a feeling she knew who would be on the other side. With a little bit of trepidation, she slid the bar across the screen and held the phone to her ear.
"Hello?"
"I gotta be honest, I'm surprised. I didn't think you'd pick up."
Her knees almost buckled in surprise. Turning away from the path to hide her face, she dropped her voice to just barely above a whisper.
"You do realize I could be in the middle of Stark Tower right now, don't you? What the hell are you thinking?"
"Are you?"
"Am I what?"
Sadie didn't need to see Steve Rogers' face to know he'd rolled his eyes like a petulant teenager fed up with his parents. "In the middle of Stark Tower right now?"
She mouthed wordlessly, a largemouth bass out of water, for an embarrassingly long second before she forced the admission out. "No."
"Are you alone?"
Her coffee cup was beginning to feel the pressure of her fingers clenching down. She wouldn't be surprised if the lid popped off like a bottle rocket.
"Yes."
"Great! Then what's the problem? Except for the fact that you of all people should know it's not safe to wander around alone."
"You're shitting me, St–" She caught herself before finishing her thought. "You honestly did not call me to lecture, did you?"
"No! Well–maybe." Sadie pulled the phone away a few inches and stared at the red circle, thumb itching to press it. Steve would more than likely call her back but at least he'd be annoyed about it and that honestly was worth the temptation. "C'mon, Sade, don't hang up. Do you know the risk I'm taking by calling you?"
It took her a long second to realize that Steve wasn't talking about the most obvious risk. Eyes widening over the lid of her coffee, she pulled it away and stopped midstep just when she'd gotten started walking again. Slowly, the humor in his situation and hers set in. Her laughter was a gradual and short-lived affair but it did the trick, easing the tension in her shoulders and she remembered why she liked Steve so much in the first place, especially in his current phase of not giving a damn about anybody's expectations of him.
"He's going to tear you a new one if he finds out," she said of Bucky.
"Well, I won't tell if you don't."
The temptation of getting Steve in trouble alone was enough to make her want to reach out to Bucky, never mind all the heartbroken longing still mingling in her chest. "I just might."
"If it means you stop punishing him and make up your mind you can tell him anything you want," Steve countered.
Bucky would absolutely hate it if he knew they were talking about him. But then again, if Sadie had to wager a guess, they'd done plenty of talking about her and Sadie wasn't sure she wanted to know what they'd said about her.
"Did you call me just to make me feel bad about leaving?"
"If I tried, would it work?"
"No," she lied. Not that she needed any additional help in feeling bad about walking away. "So why did you call?"
"I'm worried about you."
That wasn't so funny and it was quite genuine. Sadie passed out of one bough of trees and closed her eyes briefly as the sun touched her cheek, warm and encouraging.
"I'm okay, just been trying to get my head around all of this."
"Completely understandable."
A frown tugged at her lips and the question was out of them before she could snatch the words and stuff them back down her throat.
"How is he?"
"About the same as you, it sounds. He's run a few missions with us, trying to track down Rumlow, looking for anything we can use to nail Greyson to a wall."
Sadie hated the idea that Bucky would stray down a familiar path. Once, he'd been hellbent on destroying Zola and while Sadie could see in retrospect that he'd been right all along about the fate he deserved, she didn't want to see him fall to obsession again. Would Bucky, in his guilt-induced state, go too far again?
"I hope you're both being careful."
Again, she could feel Steve roll his eyes through the phone. They were always careful, was the subtext of his silence even if it was a bold-faced lie. To an extent, there was no point in insisting. There was no such thing as safe in their line of work and no matter how many times Sadie tried to convince herself they'd be fine, she knew from bitter experience it only took one misstep to lead to disaster–she didn't care how durable Bucky was.
A prolonged moment of silence followed and Sadie disappeared beneath another bough of trees again, ambling along the path a little slower than before.
"He thinks you hate him."
"I don't hate him," she said automatically. "If I did this would all be so much easier."
"I tried to tell him that but you know Bucky. When it comes to you he's a lost cause and I think you leaving really screwed with his head. He thinks you're not coming back."
So that was his ploy, to see when Sadie was going to give up the charade and come crawling back, tail between her legs. Unjustified pride swelled in her chest along with a childish impulse to do the exact opposite Steve was suggesting. Admitting she was wrong wasn't exactly Sadie's strong suit and in this case in particular, she wasn't sure how she was going to stomach the helping of humble pie she'd have to eat. Rather than come outright and admit she was closer and closer every day to throwing in the towel, she dug her heels in deeper.
"I haven't decided if and when I'm coming back."
Steve's disappointed sigh reminded Sadie so much of her father she almost spat out her coffee. "For God's sake, Sade. It's bad enough I have to put up with Bucky's brooding doom and gloom, don't make me deal with yours too."
"Hey! You're the one who called me! And let's get one thing straight, Captain." If he were there in person she would surely be shaking a finger in his face. "Nobody, not you, not Bucky, not even T'Challa himself, has the authority to tell me what to eat for breakfast, much less where I go and what I do."
"You're absolutely right, I can't tell you to do jack shit. But here's what I will tell you: you only get a free pass to be mad for so long. Come back or don't come back, be with Bucky or tell him to go to hell, you can do whatever you want. But for the love of God, the least you can do is put Bucky out of his misery and make up your mind."
Angry tears prickled at her eyes. "Look, I'm going to chalk this up to you trying to be a good friend, maybe to both of us, but Steve–" Her breath came out in a stilted, strangled huff. "–I can't be responsible for holding him up."
"I know that! And so does he! Hell, Sadie, he's writing in his journals every day and riding his bike every night just to try and get some peace of mind. He's trying, Sadie, but he can't really make this right until you come back–"
Sadie didn't realize how fast she was walking until she burst out of the park and onto the intersection a couple of blocks away from Stark Tower. The sudden influx of people around her startled her, a jarring reminder that she was talking to one of the world's most wanted men on the phone about the world's other most wanted man.
"Steve," she said softly, almost barely audible over the din of the city and the traffic whizzing by. "I believe you, okay? He's not stupid enough to make the same mistake again and I get that, really I do. But–you can't fix this one on his behalf. Just, let us work this out on our own. Please?"
His resigned sigh suggested he understood but he wasn't happy about it. "Yeah, yeah."
"Careful there, your Brooklyn's showing."
Steve's weak laughter assured her that they were okay, that they were past the days of falling out over a disagreement even as large as this.
"You know I miss you too, it was nice having another museum exhibit around."
Sadie snorted. "It's bad enough I get the old jokes from Tony, don't add insult to injury."
The light at the crosswalk switched and she filtered into the crowd, listening to Steve update her on their latest endeavors to follow Rumlow. She hung up with him only a few feet away from the entrance to Stark Tower. She rode the elevator up to her floor and jumped back half a step when the doors opened to reveal Tony, a dress and a shoebox in his arms. Her eyebrows rose in suspicion.
"Heya, Walking Dead. Up for a shindig tonight?"
Her lips drew into a thin line even as he shoved the boxes into her arms. "Do I have a choice?"
"Nope," he said, popping the 'p.' "C'mon, it'll be fine. You jump, I jump?"
Sadie didn't even have the willpower to fight him as he took her shoulders and started marching her down the hall to her room. "Is that supposed to mean something?"
"Remind me to make you a list of movies." He deposited her at her door and immediately took his leave, shouting over his shoulder as he went. "Be in the lobby at seven sharp! No excuses!"
X X X
Tony's idea of 'fun' was the polar opposite of Sadie's.
To be certain, the penthouse was stunning: a two-story, ten-thousand square foot monument to decadence and while Sadie admired the marble floors, the curated artwork and the massive floor-to-ceiling windows opening up onto the city skyline, she couldn't help but hate all of the excess just a little bit. Lately, she'd been dreaming of green fields stretching for miles beneath cornflower blue skies and the sound of the cicadas on late summer evenings. Her high-necked, long-sleeved dark green dress was beautiful if a bit too tight and short for her liking, and she would have traded it for the navy and white polka-dotted dress she often wore on Sunday mornings in a heartbeat. She would have given anything to look across the party to see Evelyn and Betty cutting through the crowd, arm-in-arm and deep in gossip they overheard in the ladies' room.
Instead, her feet were absolutely killing her in the deathtraps Tony foisted on her and every step she took she wanted to tug on her hemline, cutting off just below mid thigh. If her mother knew she was walking around bare-legged in sky high heels with her ribbons of curls pulled back into a sleek ponytail she would roll over in her grave. Sadie barely recognized herself in the mirror, feeling like she stepped into the skin of someone else.
But her physical discomfort was nothing compared to the mental toll the night had taken on her, especially after her call with Steve. More than once she had to pinch the delicate skin between her thumb and forefinger just to bring herself back to reality. Tony's motive in bringing her to the party was to divert the attention away from himself by showing off his shiny new toy. The ploy worked like a trick and Sadie had the distinct displeasure of discovering that the filthy rich of New York were just as boring now as they had been seventy-five years ago when she was plying them for money to fund IHAP.
It wasn't that Sadie couldn't work a room. She was raised in the viper pits that were southern cotillions and built a charitable juggernaut by convincing the wealthy to open their pocketbooks. The difference was, back then, she'd had a goal. Now she was just bored and while she was certain Salim Fadel was a lovely man, she had absolutely zero interest in hearing about his blossoming real estate portfolio. It was great that he'd capitalized on the construction boom in the wake of the Chitauri attack but Sadie had little use for New York real estate these days and she sure as hell wasn't going to accompany him to next week's exclusive opening of the newest sushi hot spot in the city.
For probably the millionth time since waking up, Sadie's mind wandered back to the war. In the lead up to D-Day, the SSR was stationed at Weymouth and was often forced to attend parties at the officers clubs, allowing the higher-ups in the various infantry units rub elbows with Captain America and his Howling Commandos. Nobody really cared for this arrangement, least of all Sadie and Bucky who were forced to hide their relationship for the sake of army protocol. To pass the time and make the never-ending stream of Westpoint grads looking to impress her more bearable, Bucky came up with a game. Every party they'd make a list of words for each other–the more ridiculous the better–and then they'd have to find a clever way to get people to say the words. Whoever crossed the most words off won and the loser had to buy a round of drinks.
She wished she had a list of words now but as it was, she didn't even have a pocket in her dress.
"So anyway, the new high-rises should be finished before quarter's end. You should see the view from the upper floors, I'll take you sometime if you'd like."
Sadie froze in place, all thoughts of challenge words gone. She'd heard a proposition like that before. Blinking several times, she tried to force the memory of Emmanuel Greyson away. He'd been just as unassuming and charming when he invited her to see his facility. Though Sadie sincerely doubted that Salim, upstanding and entirely harmless by all accounts, wanted to do anything more than take her on a few dates to show off for his friends, she couldn't help the way her hackles rose in response.
Summoning up the last ounce of her southern charm, she rearranged her face in a tight, vapid smile. "I'm sure they're beautiful, but I don't believe I'll be in New York much longer." She sipped her drink, in desperate need of oxygen despite standing outside in New York in late October. "I'm sorry, Selim, but would you excuse me a moment? I think the heat lamps are getting to me."
"Certainly, shall I help you?"
She held up a hand to stop him before he could reach out to steady her by the elbow. Sadie was worried she'd come out of her skin if he touched her while she was this keyed up. It wasn't his fault he'd accidentally hit a hidden trip wire in her brain, but that didn't mean she wanted him trying to white knight his way through the situation either. Her smile was so tight it hurt.
"That's very sweet of you but I'm alright. It was such a pleasure speaking with you."
And then she was moving, slipping between the other party guests, aiming for the stairs that led up to another balcony. Away from the intense heat pouring off the lamps, she sucked in a deep breath of cold air. The chill rushed past her hot cheeks and through her dress, assuaging the worst of her near-panic. Leaving behind the disgusting cocktail on an end table, she walked towards the thick stone balcony, placing her palms flat on the cool stone and letting her eyes fall shut.
Rubbing her hands over her upper arms, she imagined strong arms winding around her; she wouldn't even mind the metal. She liked the way her back fit against Bucky's chest and how she could turn her head and find the right spot on his shoulder. Sadie ached for Bucky the way she had after he died, wandering aimless through her days, everything just a little less that he wasn't there. The self-righteous anger and pride that drove her out of Vienna was long gone now, replaced by deep regret and the feeling that if he walked into the middle of the party she wouldn't hesitate to throw herself into his arms.
Out of the long shadow of Emmanuel Greyson and having finally processed all of her memories, and in the wake of her conversation with Steve, she could admit now what she'd been too angry to say before.
Sadie wanted to be with Bucky far more than she wanted to punish him.
The sound of footfalls tugged her from her thoughts.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to plan your exit route."
The gentle clink of glass on stone pulled Sadie all the way into the present. Opening her eyes, she discovered a highball glass chock full of crushed ice and–her eyebrows rose in suspicion. Tony wasn't who she really wanted to see, but he was still welcome company. He shrugged where he leaned against the balcony, holding a glass of the same.
"It's ginger ale. Thought you might be over alcohol."
"The bartenders are terrible," she said without thinking.
"Yeah, that's why I always drink neat at parties like this. Can't trust pretty boys who can do cocktail shaker tricks."
Against her volition, Sadie snorted in laughter. "Do you go to a lot of these?"
"Used to," he admitted and waved a dismissive hand. "Then I got a little busy, being Iron Man, founding the Avengers, saving the world–multiple times–"
"Oh, did you save the world, Tony? I had no idea," she teased, and he rolled his eyes but gave her shoulder a good-natured bump all the same. Below them, she could hear the party in full swing. Music drifted out from the main areas and within the hour the alcohol would really hit and she wasn't sure she wanted to see the results. "I'm sure Pepper had nothing to do with it."
"Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about." Deflection was perhaps Tony's greeted conversational skill but she let it slide. If he didn't want to talk about his love life or lack thereof that was his prerogative; she couldn't really judge when she was a steel trap about hers or the lack thereof.
There was nothing she wouldn't give to feel Bucky drape his Class A jacket over her shoulders, wiggling his fingers for her word list. "C'mon Songbird, show me yours and I'll show you mine–also who puts Grenada on a list? I don't even know where that is–it is a place isn't it?" He would inch his way closer to her while they laughed over their respective victories and failures until his hand found hers, threading their fingers together to tug her against him while they walked in the dark spaces between makeshift buildings, the tension so palpable that Sadie always went to bed wishing he'd put her up against a wall and kissed the daylights out of her.
Back in the present, Sadie sipped her ginger ale and did the mental math between New York and Wakanda. By Tony's watch it was almost eleven, which meant it was almost six. Was Bucky awake yet? Perhaps he'd been sleeping as poorly as she had. What would he say if she called him? Would he even answer? Sadie wasn't sure she'd blame him if he didn't.
"Speaking of Pepper, she mentioned something about you wanting a car?"
Tony jerked her back into the conversation with his left-fielder and Sadie made a silent promise to read Pepper the riot act later. Tucking a loose tendril of hair behind her ear, she nodded. "Uh yeah, a one-way rental if at all possible."
"Planning on running away?"
Oh, she'd already done that. But this time it was a little different. "I just need some space," she explained and smiled a little when he gestured for her to keep explaining. "Oh come on, Tony, you can't tell me things haven't been uncomfortable since our little trip down my memory lane. We're both ignoring the elephant in the room but–as wonderful a host as you are–I can't stay here anymore."
The fact that Tony didn't even try to argue with her told Sadie everything she needed to know. Whether they liked it or not, the role Bucky and Steve played in their respective lives was a wedge too great for them to overcome. Even if Tony had a change of heart about following Secretary Ross down the warpath, the fact remained that he was never going to accept Bucky for reasons too valid for Sadie to refute. She understood him, truly she did, but understanding wasn't enough.
"Yeah, I know. I guess I just thought I'd be shipping you back to the Wakandans."
"I'm not a FedEx package," she argued and rolled her eyes when he raised his eyebrows in surprise at her reference. "I'll go back to Wakanda eventually."
"And in the meantime?"
"I haven't had five minutes to myself since I woke up and believe it or not, there are a few things I'd like to do and see for myself while I'm still stateside."
"And if T'Challa says no?"
She scowled and could only imagine not T'Challa, but Steve's reaction when they found out. "In order for him to say no I'd have to ask permission and I wasn't planning on doing that. I'm not his soldier to command, I've been able to come and go at my leisure this entire time, I've just…chosen not to."
"Yeah." He drained the last of his drink. "For reasons."
For reasons. That was the closest he was ever going to get to acknowledging that he knew exactly what she'd been doing for the past five and a half months. Of course he knew. He'd probably figured that out the second she showed up on his doorstep with Pepper, unannounced and clearly wounded. Hell, he'd probably started putting the pieces together well before that. Her heart started creeping into her throat, raising a question that didn't just beg an answer, it needed one.
"What are you going to do?"
"With what? A handful of vague insinuations and zero evidence?" He chuckled in humorless laughter. "I'm not going to blow a hole in US-Wakandan relations, that's for damn sure. Not worth it."
A breeze ruffled the hairs that had escaped her updo, cold on her hot cheeks. She stood perfectly still, watching him carefully, searching for any sign of a faltering poker face. He watched her just as closely but looking for what, she didn't know. What he meant by 'not worth it' would bother her later but for now, knowing he wasn't about to make a bad situation even worse was enough for her.
"And King T'Challa?"
Tony smirked. "You're a grown-ass woman and a free citizen."
"You're going to wait until after I'm gone."
"Pretty much," he agreed with a note of finality that said don't bother negotiating, he was going to tell T'Challa no matter what.
"Fair enough."
Someone shouted and a large swell of laughter erupted from the crowd below. Sadie looked down in mild despair. "I guess we should go back into the lion's den."
"Fuck 'em," Tony offered instead. "Are you hungry? There's a killer burger joint about two blocks from here. One of the last real hole-in-the-wall joints in this neighborhood."
The idea of trading champagne and stuffy hors d'oeuvres for a cheeseburger had never sounded so appealing. With a funny flourish of her arm and with a silent promise that for now they could set aside their differences and be friends, she held out her elbow to him.
"Lead the way, Tin Man."
Tony threw his head back and laughed. "I see what you did there–took you long enough."
X X X
For the first time in his life, Bucky was seriously contemplating running Steve over. He'd made the joke a handful of times in the army whenever Steve got a little too high on his Captain America horse, ordering early patrols, needless training exercises and generally being a debbie downer. The war was already depressing enough without Steve making it worse for everyone. More than once he made the comment that they could probably stuff Dum Dum in the uniform and nobody would know the difference. But those were always jokes.
Now he was dead serious, watching Steve careen on the road ahead of him, having unceremoniously invited himself on Bucky's evening ride and admitting without an ounce of guilt that he'd had the balls to call Sadie out of the blue.
Bucky doubted that Steve would even walk away with a scratch. It was more about the element of surprise and momentary shock and pain that would come within a day, two tops. The problem was Steve was flat-out impervious to most forms of shame. Shouting never worked on him and the silent treatment fell just as flat. Bucky could take a swing but that was begging for a fight too evenly matched for his tastes. No, turning him into a temporary human speed bump was probably the most abrupt way to get his anger across.
But for all his bluster and anger–and he was about as mad at Steve as he'd ever been–Bucky couldn't bring himself to do anything but follow Steve down the country road. That was because Steve chose to drop this particular truth bomb right before kicking his bike to life and tearing down the road, leaving Bucky to gape after him in shock. Bucky hated even more that he was dying to know what Steve talked about with her and if she'd said anything about him. Like they were fifteen years old again and Steve was withholding information until school let out.
Fucking tease. In the worst way imaginable.
They were cruising along the mostly empty road towards an unknown, unplanned stopping point. Sooner or later one of them would decide to stop to admire the view or to turn back. Normally, Bucky made these night treks on his own, a couple here and there at first in the days since Sadie left, but now he was going nightly. Something about the drive cleared his mind better than any hour of meditation ever could. Where Bucky hated the silence in the common area, he relished it on the road. The hum of the engine and the wind rushing past were all the soundtrack he needed. While roads in the capital were all paved, the country roads were a different story and Bucky had to be careful to avoid uneven spots, potholes, or mud puddles. It was hard to think too much about his current circumstances while he was driving and in the stretches of road where he could, he often found himself coming to grips with it better than he would otherwise.
On this particular night, Steve unceremoniously invited himself. That in and of itself was a red flag. In the week he'd been hanging around since their mission in Minsk, he was increasingly on edge but Bucky couldn't quite decide why. The good thing about Steve was that he never took long to tell Bucky exactly what was on his mind. So when he decided to tag along, Bucky wasn't entirely surprised. At first, he thought maybe Steve wanted to talk about the trafficking list he'd appeared on, but then he went and dropped the bomb about his phone call to Sadie and now Bucky was wondering how much damage Steve would do to the bike.
Although, if he was really being honest with himself, Bucky was actually surprised it had taken Steve this long to stick his nose where it didn't belong. For as long as he'd known him, Steve just couldn't help but descend from his moral high ground to meddle in Bucky's life. Normally he would just roll with those punches and call Steve an idiot, but he couldn't so easily overlook this transgression. She'd asked for space and there he was, making phone calls to see what she was thinking and Bucky hoped to God she knew Steve well enough to know he'd gone off the reservation and wasn't doing it at his behest.
Ahead of him, Steve started to slow. The road, which had steadily been rising the last five or so miles, stood high overlooking a breathtaking vista of the plains. Overhead, the sun dipped towards the horizon, slipping behind the distant trees and taking with it a spectacular array of colors as the cerulean blue stretched into the deep night sky creeping up behind them. Steve killed the engine and leaned forward over his handlebars.
"Never gets old," he remarked and Bucky bit the inside of his cheek to hold his irritation at bay. Another few seconds ticked by. "She asked about you."
Bucky stared at him, almost unable to comprehend this revelation. He figured by now his name would be mud with Sadie and that her level of caring about his well being was nonexistent. "What did you tell her?"
"That you're upright and you're trying."
"And?"
"And that she needs to come back. That you two can't figure this out while she's in New York."
That was what Bucky had been worried about. Raking a frustrated hand through his hair, he forced it through a couple of knots with more force than was necessary. "Goddamnit, see this is why I didn't want you calling her! She asked for space, how the hell am I supposed to respect her choices if you go around doing shit like this?"
"She told you to stay away," Steve said pointedly. "The note didn't say anything about me."
"Maybe, but I'm pretty sure she also didn't want you guilt tripping her."
"Why not? She's being stupid–don't defend her, Bucky–Sadie's being stupid and you know it. Maybe she was right to walk away at first but it's been almost two months."
Nobody had to tell him how long it had been. Short of writing the days down in the inside cover of his journal, he'd kept perfect track of how long Sadie had been gone. And maybe Steve was right. Maybe she was being stupid but in light of how idiotic he'd been, she was allowed to be and he would never say a word against her for it.
"Well, did she say if she's coming back?"
Steve trained his gaze on the sunset and Bucky's stomach sank like a stone crashing through ice sheets. "Not exactly."
Knowing his luck, Sadie's unwelcome phone call was going to push her in the other direction.
"Look, I know you're trying to help and I appreciate it, I really do. But you've got to let us figure this out on our own."
A humorless laugh floated off on the cooling night air. "Funnily enough, she said the exact same thing."
That bolstered Bucky in a way he didn't expect. Hearing that they were on the same page even a world apart served as a sweet reminder that they hadn't always been like this.
"Well, if you won't listen to me, you should definitely listen to her. She's smarter than both of us put together."
Steve shook his head, still disappointed in the outcome of his interference. Bucky wondered what exactly was driving him and lately he'd been wondering if he was trying to live through them in a strange way. After all, he never got his happy ending with Peggy and from what Bucky could tell, he hadn't exactly had a lot of success with women in the years since. There was perhaps also no small amount of guilt on his end. The little bit he'd heard of the days following his 'death' were bleak, and Steve had stopped Sadie from going for his body. If he hadn't done that, if he'd listened to Sadie in the first place, none of them would be here. Perhaps he was trying to make up for that failure. There were just too many what-ifs surrounding the three of them. If one tiny thing went differently, if just one of them had made a different decision, how would their lives have looked then?
Bucky was saved from his thoughts and further needling by the sight of a hovercraft speeding towards them up the hill. He frowned and reached forward, prepared to start up his bike but loosened his grip as he recognized the familiar Dora Milaje red.
"What the hell do they want?" he muttered, and his suspicion soured into concern when he recognized Ayo and Bishara. Lately, Bishara's presence only meant one thing and he was almost certain he didn't want to know what she had to say about Sadie. Popping the kickstand out, he swung his leg over the bike and moved to let Ayo slide the hovercraft to a stop, her hard face just as unmoving as ever.
Steve beat him to the chase. "What's going on?"
"Sadie left New York," said Bishara.
The thunk Bucky felt in his chest was surely the other shoe dropping. His brows snapped together. "And went to?" Ayo and Bishara shared an uneasy look. Bucky's insides tied themselves in a knot. That look could mean absolutely nothing good. "You do know where she's headed, right?"
"Our intelligence is working on it. Stark didn't give us a lot to go off and we can't tap into her phone for a geolocation. All we know is she has a car and plenty of cash and–"
"She could be anywhere," Steve muttered.
"We'll find her," Ayo assured them.
"In the meantime, Nakia and I are flying to America to intercept her as soon as we get a location. Captain Rogers–"
"I'm going."
As one, three pairs of eyes locked on him, each one wider than the last.
"Sergeant Barnes, are you sure that's a good idea? After all this whole–"
"–Mess is mine to clean up. I'm going, end of story."
Ayo and Bishara both faltered, not prepared for the absolute certainty in his voice. It turned out all it took was Sadie pushing the envelope too far to flip the switch in his brain. It was one thing for Sadie to hide in New York, licking her wounds. It was another thing entirely for her to flagrantly put herself in danger. Maybe she didn't like being handled, but there were limits and Bucky had finally, finally reached his with her. She could be as mad at him as she wanted but he drew the line when it came to reckless disregard for her own life. Whether she liked it or not, she was going to have to suffer him, even if he had to drag her back to Wakanda kicking and screaming.
Bishara, realizing there was no easy out, nodded slowly. "We're leaving in two hours, is that enough time?"
"Plenty."
Bucky stalked back to his bike, got on and kicked the engine to life. Steve paused next to him.
"This is all it took to get you to stop twiddling your thumbs?"
"Before she was being at least a little reasonable. Now she's being stupid."
X X X
Sadie was fairly certain she'd lost feeling in her ass about sixty miles ago. Not even the ingenious seat heater in her sleek SUV could save her after the long drive from Memphis. She'd stopped just twice, once long enough to fill up the gas tank and peruse the aisles of the convenience store, astounded by the sheer volume of options and lamenting that she had to pay so much for a bottle of water and a package of M&Ms. She stopped a second time long enough to check into her hotel suite and leave her luggage behind. Though the temptation of the fluffy white comforter was strong, she got back in the car against the protests from her stiff body. Afterwards she could collapse in her bed and pretend she cared about what was on television before passing out for the night.
Still, despite her numb posterior and exhaustion creeping up on her, she couldn't complain about the scenery. Tony had been amused by her insistence on returning to Flyover USA, even if it was her hometown. Of course, the little bit of Little Rock Sadie had seen thus far looked absolutely nothing like her hometown. Like everywhere else she'd been, modern buildings dotted the skyline and highways she'd never heard of looped and criss-crossed the city, carrying travelers west to Fort Smith and Fayetteville, south to Dallas, north to Saint Louis, back east to Memphis and Nashville. Any one of those directions might have suited Sadie just fine if she didn't already have a destination in mind.
The grey sky continued to cloud over, carrying with it the first real chill of winter and the threat of rain. She'd neatly folded her coat in the passenger's seat along with a pretty cashmere scarf, a going-away present from Pepper. Sadie hated the cold but she would brave it for this particular errand, one that was long overdue.
Eventually, the roads dwindled from highway to surface streets, then four lanes down to two. Around her the trees were almost bare of leaves and already a couple of houses she passed were sporting Christmas decorations. Sadie passed through a handful of intersections that were vaguely familiar, street names she thought she recognized but the buildings were new or the shops were all different. The cars parked on the streets were all comparatively new and there wasn't a crisp suit or a crinoline day dress in sight. Women pushed strollers wearing leggings and different colors of the same popular jacket and there was a line at the Starbucks drive-through. Sadie tried not to gawk at the changes and tried her best to ignore the sinking realization that home wasn't really home anymore and it hadn't been since long, long before the turn of the millennium.
Away from the suburb, the road curved and turned and opened into sporadic pockets of houses and little neighborhoods. She reached a stop sign, took a right and followed a now-familiar path until the wrought iron fence sprouted from the ground. It ran alongside the road for about half a mile before it curved up and over the entrance road, the gate standing open for visitors. Sadie turned left beneath the arch and continued on the narrow lane that cut between the rows and rows of headstones. The folded piece of paper she'd printed out in Memphis stuck out of the empty cup holder with a particular quadrant of the cemetery marked.
Sadie pulled off the side of the lane to a designated area and let her forehead fall to the steering wheel, blowing out a soft sigh.
"Okay, Sade. You can do this. You need to do this."
The pep talk wasn't wholly necessary but she needed the reminder of why she'd gone AWOL in the first place. A gust of cold wind hit her in the face when she got out of the car and rushed around to the passenger's side to tug on her coat and neatly arrange her scarf about her neck, tucking the excess length beneath her lapels. She gathered up the bouquet of flowers and followed the map she'd memorized, treading lightly between the graves until she found the one she was looking for.
Here lies Norma Reid
Loving Wife and Mother
"Hi, mama." Sadie knelt down and rested the flowers on the dry grass in front of the handsome grey marble stone. "I'm–well, I guess you could say I'm a little late getting here."
Drawing in a shaking breath, she tried to center herself but couldn't stop the handful of tears that trickled onto her cheeks. Wiping them away with hasty fingers she let out a little watery laugh, feeling strange and sad talking to a headstone that could never, ever replace the woman it honored.
"I'm so sorry I never came back. I hope you know that I wouldn't have done that. The truth is something awful happened to me while I was in Europe and it kept me from coming home to you. I hate the idea that you spent years looking out your window waiting for me and I never came back." More tears carved tracks down her cheeks, curving over the edge of her jaw to fall into her scarf. The reality of being there, being home and not with her mother fell heavy on her. Arkansas was all around her but she'd never felt more displaced and more alone than she did in that moment, the last of her family turned into a consummate wanderer, still searching for a place to rest her weary heart. She fished a tissue from her pocket and wiped her face off, sniffling in the cold air. "I can't imagine what you must have thought and all the terrible things that crossed your mind in those years and I'm just sorry. I know that it's too little too late and you'll never actually get to hear the words but I'm sorry, mama. This isn't what I wanted either. However I thought my life was going to go, this wasn't it and I've been struggling to find my place in this new world, but it's hard when I can't rest my head on your shoulder or get some of daddy's wisdom. I miss you both, more than you will ever know, and I will always regret that I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most."
Reaching out, she traced her fingers along the engraved letters, tracing her beloved mother's name and the dates. She'd died too young, barely into her sixties but even then, that was too many years without the most important people in her life, too many years to walk the road completely alone. That loneliness was crushing and after having endured it herself, Sadie didn't blame her mother for succumbing to grief the way she had when she was younger. Still, Sadie had charged herself to be stronger than that and to a large degree, she was, fighting to claw her way out of the hole of her grief, determined to find ways to move on with her life. All things considered, she'd gotten extraordinarily good at it and she meant what she said to Tony when they'd fought a week earlier. Sadie accepted that her life was what it was. Now the only question that remained was how would she move forward?
Folding her hands in her lap, she smiled a little at the dark burgundy nail polish adorning her almond-shaped nails. If her mother could see the color her eyebrows would disappear into her hairline, including her fitted blue jeans, the way she wore her hair and that was just her appearance. Without even really realizing it, Sadie had adapted to the twenty-first century, right down to the smartphone in her pocket.
"I need you to know that I'm okay. Sometimes I don't look it or act like it but I am. The things that happened to me are awful but I went through it fighting for the love of my life and if I had to, I'd do it all over again if it meant I had even the tiniest chance of saving him. And I'm going to be okay in this new world. You and daddy taught me to be smart and strong and resilient and I am. I'm okay, mama, and you should rest easy knowing that you gave me everything I need to rebuild my life and I'll make you proud, I promise."
Sadie stayed for a while longer, picking away the leaves from the area around her mother's headstone, arranging the flowers so they looked nice all while she said her final peace, along with a goodbye knowing it could be months, even years before her next return. It was hard to imagine ever wanting to come back to a home that wasn't hers anymore, not when the world was so big and wide and in need of her elsewhere. The brief one-sided conversation eased part of the hurt in her heart, giving her a selfish bit of comfort. After all, funerals and cemeteries weren't really for the dead.
When she'd had her fill of the cold air, she stood up and brushed her jeans off, resting her fingers atop the headstone, brushing invisible dust off the top.
"I love you, mama."
Before her emotions got the better of her, Sadie slipped her cold hands in her coat pockets and walked away, heartened by the thought of ordering room service and melting into her hotel bed. Tomorrow morning she would swallow the last of her pride and call Nakia but before facing that headache of a conversation, she wanted to at least try for a good night's sleep. The leaves crunched under her boots and she was so focused on watching her step on the uneven ground she didn't notice the figure leaning up against her car at first. Then, in her periphery, she caught him, tall, dark and standing perfectly still.
Raising her chin, the air in her lungs escaped with an audible woosh. She blinked several times, almost certain that she was seeing things, as though it were possible to experience a mirage in a cemetery in central Arkansas. She knew she was likely to upset more than a few people by slipping out of New York to road trip on her own, and the arguments against it in favor of her safety weighed on her when she'd made the choice but reckless or not, she was determined to do something for herself for once. But when Sadie weighed the pros and cons and how much trouble she would be in once she was discovered, she never banked on Bucky being the one to come get her.
Over the course of two months, she'd gone through multiple iterations of what she would say to him when she saw him again. At first it was more angry, bitter diatribe, low blows and jabs that designed to hit low and sting, even if she didn't even mean it. After the first couple of weeks passed the tone of her imaginary monologue shifted to angry and disappointed, then exhausted, and overplayed until Sadie ran out of words as surely as she ran out of anger. In its place, she started examining the situation from all angles before she finally realized that she couldn't say for certain what she would have done in his position. There was no justification for lying–she knew that just as surely as he did–but, if the roles were reversed, if he was the miracle walking through her door after decades of bloodshed, would she have had the courage to face it all at once? Sadie wasn't so sure.
He watched her carefully, even almost fearfully, blue eyes never leaving her face but his shoulders sagged slightly with relief. Dark circles clung to the undersides of his eyes and his mouth was drawn in a tight line, reminding her of the way he used to look when she left for missions without him, leaving the relative safety of London and the absolute safety of his arms, passing beyond his protection to a world that didn't really care if she lived or died. Back then, worry was sort of a secondary state for Bucky when it came to her and it seemed he hadn't changed all that much in that regard. After all, while Sadie was almost certain Emmanuel Greyson was biding his time to make a move, that didn't guarantee her safety and, like a reckless teenager rebelling against her parents, she'd gone and done one of the stupidest things imaginable in driving alone across the country without so much as a forwarding address.
Sadie hated making him worry, especially knowing now that he was in this position because she'd been too angry and too cowardly to stay and fight it out.
But there was more to his wariness than that. Surely he recalled the last time they were together. Her last words to him haunted her to the point that it hurt to think about and if she knew Bucky–and she did–he had replayed them over and over again.
His love wasn't enough?
His love was everything.
It had reshaped her and defined her and helped make her the woman who founded IHAP, the woman who fought and died for him and would do it again without hesitation. They would get past his mistakes the same way they got through everything: together, holding hands and helping each other and encouraging each other because that was what couples who truly loved each other did.
She was walking towards him without really registering it. Their hearts were practically magnetized, pulling her to him because where else could she possibly go? Sadie wasn't a nomad, not really. Her home existed within his heartbeat, his arms the most comforting blanket and his shoulder the softest pillow to cradle her and hide her and keep her safe. Bucky was her shelter in the storm and as she drank in his absurdly handsome face, she couldn't believe she'd been so stupid as to run when she should have planted her feet and fought until they found a way to work through her anger and his regret, facing their past together.
Bucky raised his hands in self-defense, bracing himself for the worst.
"You can be as mad as you want but you can't just go off–"
He never finished his thought because in that moment she walked right up to him and threw her arms around him, colliding with his chest. Bucky pulled her against him in an instant, guiding her face to his shoulder where she pressed it into his warm neck, holding him tighter than she ever had before. His lips dove into her hair, hovering closer to her ear, head bowed over her like a warning to the rest of the world.
"I'm sorry." His voice was thick with emotion and she shook her head, burying herself as deep into his hold as her coat would allow. "I'm so sorry, Sadie. I–I know you told me not to come after you but–"
"I'm glad you did," she whispered, eyes falling shut at the first touch of his lips to her temple.
He pulled back enough to cradle her cheek, thumb moving to brush away her fresh tears. "I'm sorry that I lied to you. I was so scared and ashamed of the truth that I couldn't bring myself to tell you because I was afraid that once you knew you'd run as far and fast from me as you could or, even worse, you would hate yourself for what happened. I was wrong, Sadie. You were right, I didn't fully trust you before which is stupid because of the two of us you've always been the strong one. What you were forced to endure, I'm not sure I know anyone else who could have done it."
"Yes, you do," she said, heart melting all over again as he gathered her hands in his and brought them to his lips. "Because if our roles were reversed you would have done the same for me."
"Until my dying breath," he swore. "And you were right that love isn't enough to hold us together. But our love is worth fighting for, and I will keep fighting with you and for you and for us unless you can tell me that you don't want this–that you don't want to fight for us too."
Her eyes fell closed and she moved into him again, pressing her cheek to his shoulder. The first raindrops from the coming storm plinked off the roof of the car and were cold on her face. But she was safe and warm in Bucky's hold, a ship moored after drifting too long at sea. The answer to his question came to the tip of her tongue without hesitation, without question because there was no other answer.
"I want to fight for us," she promised. All around them the rain started to fall harder and faster. "But maybe we can fight for us indoors?"
Bucky's laughter was the sweetest sound she'd ever heard, vibrating through him into her and shaking off the worst of her nerves. "Anything you want, Sade."
X X X
Her hands were shaking too badly from the emotion of the moment and Sadie was relieved when Bucky gently pried the key from her fingers and opened her door, helping her in the car. He tossed his small backpack into the back and slid into the driver's seat, raking a hand through his damp hair. After he turned the car on and got the heat going he paused, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.
"I have no clue where we're going."
Sadie fished her phone out of her pocket and pulled up the directions to the hotel, plugging it into the car to connect to the screen.
"Tony arranged for a suite at the Capital Hotel downtown. I'm sure we can find a way to sneak you in without anyone seeing." She did not miss his slight frown at the mention of Tony but let it slide for now. "How did you find me?"
The corner of his mouth twitched. He put the car in drive and turned them around to go back down the road to the main gate. "We couldn't at first since you were using cash and we didn't have the information on the car. Shuri finally lost her patience and hacked a couple of satellites to tap into your phone's geolocation."
"I didn't really mean to give you the chase. I just–I just wanted to go home and visit my mom. I was planning on calling Nakia tomorrow morning to come back."
Bucky's eyebrows rose in surprise and he took his focus off the road a couple of times to glance back at her. She'd shrugged out of her coat and drew one of her knees up to her chest, shifted in her seat to watch him while he drove, seeming at once odd in the modern car but also perfectly at home.
"She'll be glad to hear it. She and Bishara brought me here before going back to DC to wait."
Sadie toyed with the end of her scarf, twisting her fingers around the woven fringe. "How did you get to the cemetery?"
"I took a cab," he said, as if it was something he did every day. Perhaps he did back in Brooklyn in the 40s, but things were different now.
Her mouth fell open in surprise, the scarf falling limp from her grasp. "But–aren't you worried about being caught?"
"In central Arkansas?"
Buried in his gentle sarcasm was a salient point. There were a handful of other places less likely to find Bucky Barnes wandering around: Alaska, a remote corner of China, perhaps the middle of nowhere Mississippi, but surely Little Rock, Arkansas was up there. And if Bucky was wearing a pair of gloves and a hat with his hair pulled back, it wasn't likely anyone would put two-and-two together out here.
"You know, Steve was convinced you took off because you were mad that he'd called you."
She liked the way he smiled when she rolled her eyes. "Steve can rest assured he had nothing to do with it. I'd been thinking about coming back for a couple of weeks now. It was all a matter of working up the courage to admit I was wrong and swallow my pride–not the easiest thing for me to do, you know. And before you go giving me the benefit of the doubt and say I wasn't wrong, that's bullshit and we both know it. I shouldn't have left, Bucky. All I did was make a bad situation worse."
"I'd be lying if I said it wasn't miserable without you. I think I'd rather have you be pissed at me than gone."
"If it makes you feel any better I was both for a while there."
"I have no doubt. What changed your mind?"
That was a loaded question if she ever heard one. While Bucky drove them towards the heart of Little Rock, following along with the GPS, she described the BARF glasses and how she was able to see her memories via holograms and put together their entire story, processing the entire thing. He listened quietly, face unreadable and hands firm on the steering wheel as though he was trying to hold himself together–maybe for his benefit or hers–but when she rounded out her story she bit her lower lip, suddenly terrified that she'd gone too far, that she should never have admitted anything to Tony.
"There was something about seeing it for myself that gave me clarity. What we went through–I don't know how anyone could fully believe it unless they lived it. And the more I thought over everything that happened to me the more I realized that I was oddly…okay…with it."
"Okay," he repeated, voice flat with disbelief. "I–you're gonna have to elaborate on that one for me."
"Obviously I wasn't a willing participant and the memories of the pain are–" She cut herself off with a shudder. "It's not that I'm okay with being tortured, I'm not, but it's more I endured it because I knew if I didn't it was game over for you. You were worth the fight, Bucky. My only regret is that I didn't see it through."
She squeaked in surprise when he pulled the car over abruptly on the country road, throwing it into park and turning to her. A fire she hadn't seen in decades blazed in his eyes. It sent a thrill through her because she realized that finally, finally the best parts of his old self were finally returning. He was a strange amalgamation of past and present selves but this was the side of him she longed for, the man so passionate for her that he couldn't even bear the thought of her suffering.
"Sarah Grace, what happened to me is not your fault."
"Any more than you killing me is yours," she countered, reaching the heart of his anguish. "Don't make that face, Bucky. I'm not mad that you killed me; clearly you did a terrible job." She gestured to her upright, breathing, perfectly healthy self. His shocked laugh was the exact reaction she'd hoped for, more shades of her Bucky coming through at long last.
"I think we both know the reason you're sitting here now has nothing to do with my efficiency."
A flash of green lit up the car, glittering off the raindrops on the windows like emeralds. "Well, then, I guess Zola did us one tiny favor after all. At least now I understand why you've been so against my powers this whole time."
He reached for her hand, watching the way the green light swirled and whirled around her hand to encircle his. "For a long time they were just a reminder of how badly I'd failed you. But I dunno, after seeing all the good you can do with them, they're starting to grow on me. It's probably the only good thing to come out of all of this."
"That's not true," she said softly, moving to lace her fingers with Bucky's, relishing at the way they fit together. She felt warm, drunk on the rush of being with him again, with finally seeing his walls come down. "The best thing that came out of this is that we found each other again. After all the hell Zola put us through he lost, Bucky, because you came back to me. Not even that bastard was powerful enough to keep us apart."
Bucky's metal hand slipped to the back of her head and he guided her forward as he leaned across the console in a swift, fluid motion, kissing her full on the mouth. This kiss was brief, barely enough contact to qualify as a kiss but it was earth-shattering all the same. Her eyes fluttered at the gentle sweep of his cool, hard thumb over her cheekbone. The metal released a chill just beneath the surface of her skin that traversed her nerves, spreading outwards into her lungs, hitching her breath.
"God, please tell me I didn't get it wrong again."
Despite the cold rain pounding the windshield, the air between them was hotter and more charged than a thunderstorm on a summer night. She was stunned, unsure of how she wanted to proceed. And then she saw the glimmer of silver at his neck.
Lips parting in soft surprise, she pinched the chain and started tugging, pulling it out from beneath his shirt until a familiar weight dropped down to hang over his chest. Sadie placed her hand on his chest, thumb catching on his t-shirt. Between her open fingers she caught glimpses of her necklace, of the charms he'd carried with him even after she callously threw it away. The moment she shoved the necklace in an envelope returned to her now, a single instant of childish anger. She'd wanted to hurt Bucky, wanted him to feel the sting of believing she no longer cared about their past and the promises she'd once held sacred. All the while she was gone, Sadie wondered what he'd done with the charms. Had he left them behind in Vienna to collect dust or perhaps buried them in the trash? Sadie wouldn't have blamed him for tossing the necklace aside but instead there it was, glimmering against his dark grey shirt, rising and falling with each breath he took.
Sadie's feeble doubts disintegrated beneath the weight of this simple, powerful gesture. She considered what she could even say in response to his blind faith in her and in the strength of their love, but words failed her.
That was just as well.
She was tired of talking anyway.
Bucky met her halfway again, reading her from a mile away when she surged across the console, meeting him in another sweet kiss full of reassurance and promise and anticipation. When they parted she couldn't help her watery smile, holding Bucky's handsome face between her hands, his forehead pressed to hers while he awaited the world's most unsurprising verdict.
"No, I'd definitely say you got it right this time."
They kissed again and again and again until a thin layer of fog coated the windows and his cheeks were as pink as hers. Outside the rain hammered the SUV and it wasn't until a set of passing headlights almost blinded Sadie that they pulled away, breathless and exhilarated from a reunion neither of them expected.
"What now?" he whispered, unable to stop himself from pressing tender kisses to each of her fingertips.
If Sadie was tired of talking it was nothing compared to how tired she was of waiting.
"I thought we were going to the hotel."
Bucky was no man's fool and he read the subtext loud and clear as if she'd shouted it. His eyes darkened, sending a thrill of wanting through her. "Are you sure?"
She laid a possessive hand on his thigh, giving it a firm squeeze.
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
X X X
Sadie's hotel room door swung silently inwards to a darkened room. Bucky closed the door softly behind them and she drifted ahead to find a lamp in the living room while he locked it. In the quiet, she could hear the rain lashing at the windows, thrumming in rhythmic beats that almost matched her elevated pulse. She draped her coat and scarf over the back of an armchair and pulled her boots and socks off, pausing to take a soft, deep breath just as she felt Bucky's hands finding her waist and bringing her against him.
"Did you have that much luggage when you left Vienna?" he asked, looking over her shoulder at the three suitcases standing in front of the entertainment center.
"No," she admitted and wriggled in his hold when he dug a finger into her side. Turning around, she reached up and pulled the baseball cap off his head and tossed it away, coming to land forgotten on the sofa. His eyes fluttered shut when she carded her fingers through his hair, twirling it at the ends. "It turns out Tony's girlfriend likes to indulge in what she calls 'retail therapy' and dragged me along for the ride."
"Yeah, I'm sure you suffered a lot," he teased.
"Don't make fun, buck sergeant. I know for a fact there are a few things in those suitcases you'll be a big fan of."
His eyebrows rose in a questioning manner, but rather than needle her for information he swept her hair over her shoulder, dipping down to press a tender kiss to the spot just below her ear. "I look forward to you proving me wrong but for now, this is all I need," he said of her lips whispering along his sharp jawline. His beard tickled the tip of her nose but she was surprised how much she didn't mind it despite never having been much for them before.
The tip of his nose touched hers and he made to kiss her before pulling back. Holding her face between his hands, he drank in every little detail, from the old scar above her eyebrow to the faint freckles dusting her nose, and slight stubbornness of her chin.
"I think I understand now why you were kept on ice so far from Siberia," he murmured, thumb brushing her full lower lip, smiling when she managed to kiss it before he pulled it away.
"Why?"
She accepted his kiss and savored the way he pulled back slowly, holding onto each nerve in her lips as long as he could. "Because I would know you anywhere. I think even in the depths of being the Winter Soldier something in me would have recognized you. Zola thought you were my greatest weakness but he was wrong and so was I–you're my greatest strength, you always have been."
Sadie grasped the sides of his shirt and tugged him against her as she rose to the tips of her toes and kissed him with so much zeal he almost stumbled forward. Everything after that happened in a blur–she wasn't even fully aware of her body cooperating with him as he slid down her arms to grasp her wrists, pulling them up to his neck. Sadie gripped him tightly, gasping when he swept down and grasped her thighs, lifting her clean off the floor as he kept walking. One leg and then the other wound around his waist, supported by unyielding vibranium even as his hot mouth searched hers out again. Bucky carried her through the open door into the bedroom, continuing their passionate kiss even as her toes grazed the floor and he had to stoop down to drag her body back flush with his with her arms locked around his neck.
"One second," she said, pulling away from him with a gasp long enough to pull her phone out of her back pocket and silence it. He pried the offensive rectangle from her fingers and she muffled a laugh when he tossed it back into the living room, skidding to a halt beneath the sofa right before he closed the bedroom door with a sharp snap, a warning to anyone who might even dream of interrupting them.
Whatever awkwardness she expected in the seconds of downtime between kisses never came. Bucky sauntered back to her, meeting her in the middle of the room and wasted no more time. Fingers plunging into her hair to cage her head in place, he returned to her mouth, tongue darting out to meet hers. They stood like that for a long time, wound up in each other's embrace, hands wandering over and under clothing, legs threatening to tangle up and every available centimeter between his chest and hers eliminated. Bucky kissed her slowly, drawing the seconds into minutes, and she savored the faint taste of mint on his tongue and the way he grazed her lower lip with his teeth until his lips strayed, pressing kiss after kiss off the corner of her mouth, down to her jaw before cascading down her neck where he pushed the neck of her sweater out of the way to find her pulse point.
A noise caught somewhere between a gasp and a squeak popped out of her lips when he sucked her pulse hard enough to leave a bruise that would never appear. Disregarding his shirt, she dragged her palms all the way up his back, finding the tops of his shoulders and raking her nails all the way down his skin. She smiled at the involuntary jerk of his body, forcing him to pull his mouth from her neck. While he was distracted she grasped the hem of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head. It fell listless to the floor at his feet, joined shortly by her sweater. One at a time, she took off his dog tags and her necklace, laying them side-by-side on the dresser.
Sadie lowered her mouth to his neck. She enjoyed the way he clenched her hips a little tighter when she nipped his collarbone, tongue darting out to soothe the sharp love bite. Bucky's skin was searing hot under her curious hands, nipples hardening after a few swipes of her thumbs and muscles contracting beneath his smooth skin everywhere she caressed him with broad, sweeping movements, committing the rises and planes of his body to memory while he gathered her hair up with one hand and dumped it over a shoulder.
His lips brushed the top of her shoulder, over the thin black strap of her bra and along her arm that he raised up, back to drape over his shoulder.
"You're so beautiful," he murmured into her. His voice sank into her bloodstream, carrying warmth to every vessel. A flush spread across her upper chest as he nudged the strap out of his way, bracing her back so he could bend her back, exposing her neck and collar and breastbone to him, fingers slipping beneath the band of her bra at her back. Knotting her fingers in his hair, Sadie was at the mercy of his mouth, leaving a series of searing kisses along the lace-lined edge of her bra, each one unraveling her just a tiny bit more.
The kisses weren't enough; his body plastered against hers wasn't enough. Sadie needed more.
While Bucky teased her neck and shoulders, she unbuttoned his jeans and eased them off his hips. They fell to his ankles where he kicked them off. His groan echoed through her when she cupped him over his briefs, giving him a gentle squeeze, causing him to rise up in surprise, dragging his already hard cock along her abdomen. She rubbed his length with a firm thumb only for him to tug her hand away, popping the clasp of her bra with one hand and sliding it off her shoulders. The black garment went flying, the strap coming to catch the door handle where it hung forgotten and utterly useless. Twin moans flooded the corners of her bedroom when their naked skin met, her breasts pressing into his chest, each of them running hot to the touch and so sensitive she felt like a half-pulled trigger, ready to go off at any second.
Bucky kissed her again, settling his mouth over hers with deliberate slowness and passion that took her beath away. Desire washed over her in a way she'd never felt it before. They'd been together dozens of times but none of them felt this intimate, the way he sought to relearn her body, to reconcile his memory with the genuine article in his arms. He grazed her body with light touches, alighting over the tops of her shoulders, down her arms and across her sensitive fingertips. Sadie exhaled into the scant space between their mouths, fighting a shiver in the wake of his rough palms sliding across and down her back from opposite directions, flesh hand burning and metal hand cool to the touch, contradicting one another such that Sadie didn't even know how to react.
He divested her of her jeans and panties in one go and he took her hands, stepping back to admire her naked body much the way he had their first night together. Under his gaze, she forgot to be nervous: it was impossible because when he looked at her he saw all of her. Bucky's eyes raked over her, seeing her for exactly who she was, every curve, every freckle and scar and because of and in spite of it all he loved her, every damaged, flawed, utterly human inch of her. Away from the heat of his body, her nipples hardened in the cool air and the previously gentle tingling between her thighs unfurled into a full-blown ache at the sight of him, drawing in tremulous breaths, erection straining at his briefs. Bucky was barely holding himself together and all for her benefit, all for savoring this moment, drawing it out and reconnecting on so many physical and emotional levels she'd lost track of them all.
Sadie didn't want to rush it either. She wanted to soak up every second of this gift, even if it took them all night. Bucky's breath visibly hitched when she hooked the tip of her index finger in the waistband of his briefs, sinking just beneath to barely touch his tip. A shiver ripped through him and he trapped her hand against his lower abdomen. Carefully, she pulled her hand free and eased his underwear over his erection and let it fall to the floor. Bringing her arms around his middle, she stepped into him, eyes falling closed and an exhale rushing from her lungs and into his shoulder when their bodies met once more.
She sought out his mouth and drank from him for an age, wound around him so tightly she could barely breathe but she wouldn't have had it any other way. His cock twitched against her lower stomach with every little nip she gave his lower lip and twisted his hair between her fingers, giving it a gentle tug to keep him locked on her mouth.
He took one step towards the massive bed, then another and another until he sat down on the edge, staring up at her in open-mouthed reverence as she towered over him. Sadie felt like his own personal deity, skin washed golden by the lamplight and her hair cascading around her shoulders in loose curls. Bucky's eyes trailed down from her face, cresting over her chin to slip down her neck, darkening as he admired her breasts, the planes of her stomach and the neatly trimmed hair at the apex of her slender thighs. Raising a hand for her, he had to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth to speak.
"Come here."
Sadie wouldn't have denied him for the whole goddamned planet.
Bracing her knee on the bed she straddled his lap, moaning softly at the feel of his strong arms constricting around her and his cock pressing against her inner thigh. His lips touched the tip of her nose, down to her mouth and then he pulled away, finding her eyes and holding her steady. They were so close and so connected that she understood at once what he was doing when she felt his fingers sweep along the undersides of her breasts. She rose and shifted in response and his eyes never left her face. He wanted to watch her, wanted to maintain that intense contact while he touched her and systematically reclaimed her for his.
"Buck–" Her throat dried up at the first circle he drew around her nipple, callused finger catching the little ridges and bumps that hardened in response. Sadie's hands fell to the curve of his neck, sliding up to hold his head, her forehead falling against his, stomach falling straight over a cliff when he caught her nipple with a thumb and forefinger, rolling the delicate bud between them.
"I've dreamed about this so many times," he admitted and she gasped at the cool touch of his metal fingers to her other breast, cupping it so he could bend his neck to take her nipple in his mouth, sucking and flicking it with his tongue before he moved to the other.
"Me too," she whispered but the rest of her thought died on her lips. Bucky continued his slow, relentless assault on her body.
His right hand curved over the top of her thigh, slipping into the space between their bodies, thumb curving a sinful arc just around her most sensitive place. Two fingers gently spread her to dip between, slipping back to those traitorous nerves that pulled a whimper from her lungs that might have been mortifying were she not so enthralled by him.
"So wet," he whispered in admiration, a wolfish note sharpening the back edge of his voice. Bucky brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean and Sadie thought she would come apart at the seams just watching him, but that was before he plunged two fingers back into her, slick thumb sliding up to her bud, encouraging her to unfold entirely in his hold. Sadie's grasp of the English language evaporated off the tip of her tongue. He curled his fingers inside her and rocked his whole hand against her, urging her hips to follow his lead.
"That's my girl," he murmured, watching the emotions painted across her face, her cheeks hollowed and eyes half-lidded with desire, cheeks pink and pounding. Her muscles clenched down around him, rocking in time with his hand, the pace ramping up the closer he coaxed her to release. Sadie pulled his hair, bringing her forehead back to his, holding him to her as his name tumbled into the space between them, breathy phantom kisses that terminated in an incoherent sound when her self-control snapped. She came around his hand, muscles convulsing and releasing, hips riding through each wave of the orgasm that flooded her veins until she was flushed all over and breathless.
Sadie collapsed into him and Bucky caught her in his left arm, tipping her chin up to steal a long, lazy kiss.
"That was one for the record books, buck sergeant," she teased and he waggled his eyebrows, her Bucky to a T.
"Don't get too far ahead of yourself, sweetheart," he warned her, twisting their bodies and she exhaled in relief when her back hit the cool, thick comforter. "We're just getting started."
Bucky wasn't kidding. Minutes slipped by into eternity as they tangled themselves up with one another. He was determined to touch every part of her, spending God-only-knew how long mapping out the curves of her body with his mouth, creating borders and roads of kisses along the rises and falls of her shoulders, her arms, hands, breasts, hips, knees and legs. She moved with him, just as desperate to relearn his body, drawing deep satisfaction in the way he shuddered when she gently raked her nails through his scalp and slid her legs along his sides, doing everything she could to draw him closer to her, to feel him fall into her, surrendering to their impossible love.
They made a tangled mess of the sheets, moving all over the bed as they switched positions and dominance, both of them looking to touch and caress and kiss the other all over. Sadie loved the way he reached out to bunch the covers up with a white-knuckled hand when she kissed her way down his chest, letting the tip of her tongue graze the scar tissue along his shoulder, fingers lingering high above her even as she trailed lower and lower. The tip of her nose tripped over the rises and falls created by the sharp definition in his abdomen. Beneath her fingertips his heart was a snare drum, playing a sharp staccato, almost drowned out by the pleasured sounds he made when her slightly parted lips grazed his tip. Bucky tensed up to a near comical degree, and he struggled to lift his head just in time to see her take his full head into her mouth.
"Fucking Christ, Sade–" He fell back into the bed with a loud groan that echoed through the bathroom and probably rattled windows. Taking his vocal response as a good sign, she drew more of him into her mouth and bobbed her head, allowing her teeth to just barely skim along his shaft. His hips jerked in response but the hand that fell to the top of her head was gentle, threading into her hair. Sadie dug her left palm into the bed to support herself so she could wrap her right hand around him at the base, covering the amount of his length she couldn't take. Her forearm rested against his thigh where he was a steel trap, and Sadie hoped he was having to use all of his super soldier strength to keep it together while she sucked him back in.
She might have kept going if not for him grazing her cheek. Releasing him with a long sweep of her tongue she looked up doe-eyed to find him propped up by his elbows. Bucky didn't say a word; he didn't have to. Sadie sat up and he followed her, hand diving into her thoroughly mussed hair and tongue sweeping into her mouth. Both of his hands skated the entire length of her spine, squeezing her ass just as he pressed his cock between her slightly parted thighs which snapped shut around him.
The want he'd stirred up in her that muted itself slightly in favor of focusing on his pleasure returned now in full, ferocious force. Sadie's voice was hoarse when she finally found it.
"I need you, Bucky," she breathed through the swell of arousal that rolled through her while he teased her nipples again.
Seven decades and six months of emotional turmoil was long enough. Bucky braced her body with his left arm and bent her back until she was splayed across the covers, laid bare and entirely his for the taking.
"I need you too."
Bucky knelt before her, a man humbling himself before the altar seeking absolution and salvation. Sadie was more than ready to give it to him. Both of his palms were sinful on her knees when he pushed them apart, easing himself between her legs. One hand and then the other came to land on either side of her head, and Sadie shifted to move with him reaching between them to guide him to her entrance.
She crashed into his ocean blue eyes, finally unafraid of drowning. Bucky searched her face, asking a silent question. There was only one answer. Sadie let her fingertips graze just beneath his chin in a silent command and he dipped his head, kissing her before he rocked forward, stopping only once he was fully inside of her.
An incoherent sound died in her throat. She'd never felt him so completely, filling her to the brim, pressing against her in all directions and, without a condom blunting their senses, she could feel all of him, every centimeter as he withdrew and then pressed himself back in.
Sadie's back came off the bed, a gasp wrenching itself free of her lungs.
"Holy shi–" he muttered under his breath and his elbows might have buckled if one of them weren't made of vibranium. Strips of hair fell across his face but between them she could see his eyes flutter shut, lips rounding as he blew out a slow breath, fighting a losing battle for control. She'd dreamed about this moment, of feeling him move within her without any emotional or physical barriers, and not even her dirtiest fantasies held a candle to the real thing, to the rock solid muscles in his shoulders shifting beneath his skin when she dug her fingers in for support, his hips pressing her thighs open and the friction that piqued thousands of nerve endings when he delved back into her.
Bucky dropped to his forearms, giving her a soft, lippy kiss.
"Wrap your legs around me."
She did as instructed, inhaling sharply in surprise when his metal hand grasped her thigh and hoisted her higher until her hips were hovering just off the bed, the sheet tickling her lower back, suspended as she locked her ankles around his back.
Bucky set a deliberate, slow pace, punctuated with deep thrusts, each one hitting a spot Sadie didn't even know existed. They moved as a unit, rolling with the natural cadence of hips, driving forward to meet hers. Sadie's ankles slipped to just over the curve of his ass and he let out a colorful curse when she dug them in, pulling herself onto him. As if possessed, her spine arced up, slamming her chest against his and her cry echoed off the walls. Sadie was certain he could split her in two, pushing her right to the very edge of pleasure and pain. She was dizzy on the feeling and Bucky's shout mingled with hers when she dug her heels harder into his ass and pulled him back in, utterly insatiable.
Sadie threw a hand out to grasp the sheets, to pull at anything to give her purchase as she continued contracting her now burning legs in time with him, each deep thrust radiating out from her lower abdomen. She held onto his metal bicep for leverage but she gasped in surprise when he shifted his upper weight to that arm, throwing out his right hand to find hers, guiding her palm to the side of his face, searching for her tenderness and the grounding quality of her touch, briefly turning his cheek to kiss her palm.
Their eyes met before she tipped her chin up and met him in a passionate kiss, riding through every slow, piercing meeting of their bodies. She'd never felt this connected to him before, each of them lost to the intimacy of the moment and to each other. If Sadie ever doubted that he still loved her, she didn't now. Bucky made love to her the way a man only could when he was beyond saving, a lost cause when it came to his lover's touch and the sound of her voice when she cried out his name.
"Bucky!"
"Come for me, Sade," he counseled, kissing her again.
Seconds later, Bucky got his wish. The pressure and friction was too much, his length rippling through her and the place where their bodies joined rubbing her just the right way. She came hard, knees locking down to hold him inside of her while she convulsed around him in toe-curling, whole-bodied pleasure. Bucky rode out her orgasm, forehead dropping to meet hers as he picked up the pace. He was iron inside of her, so rigid that he couldn't withdraw more than a few inches before piercing her over and over, breath coming out in hard pants, until he reached up and put the edge of the mattress in a death grip, accepting Sadie's kiss, her hands coming to frame his face when he thrust into her once more and–
He shouted out when he came, spilling inside of her, coming as just as big a surprise to him as it did her. Sadie rocked with him, drawing as much out of him as she could and then letting her exhausted legs loosen and fall to the mattress, completely spent. He collapsed on top of her, panting for air and covered in a light sheen of sweat.
Bucky half-laughed through his gasp when he withdrew from her and then fell onto his side, taking her with him. Folded into his chest, she pressed her hand to his breastbone, as though she could calm his absolutely racing heart with just her touch alone.
He unstuck his tongue to speak but nothing came out. Instead he smoothed her tousled curls from her face and kissed her, lips trembling almost as much as she was in his hold.
"You're shivering," he murmured when he realized he wasn't the one with the shakes. "Are you cold?"
"No," she murmured, raising her gaze to meet his. Bucky started to frown and she shifted up to kiss it away. "I'm just–overwhelmed. This is so much more than I ever thought I would have."
Bucky covered her hand over his heart. "I'm here," he vowed. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Good," she murmured, smiling into his shoulder when he held her even tighter. "Because I hate to break it to you but you're stuck with me now."
His light laughter vibrated pleasantly from his chest and into hers. "It's like you said to me all those years ago–we were meant to find each other."
"And we were meant to fall in love," she murmured, and he nodded.
"You and me, Sade. Doomed to love each other."
Sadie shook her head, stroking his face with a cool thumb. "Not doomed, buck sergeant. Destined."
A/N: You're welcome. This is probably one of my favorite chapters between both stories.
Liked it? Loved it? Insanely relieved and/or need some ice water? I would love to know any and all thoughts. Much love - Kappa
