For years, Eli had wanted a promotion. He had spent over a thousand days at Thrawn's side, watching Thrawn rise from Lieutenant to Captain, Commander to Commodore. Thrawn's rank plaque grew wider every year while Eli's stayed the same: a single blue bar. It rankled him.
Everything changed with their assignment to the Chimaera. During Thrawn's latest court-martial-turned-promotion, Eli had ascended several ranks in a single bound, all the way to lieutenant commander. Not only would he and Thrawn both be higher ranking officers, but for the first time, they were filling positions on a Star Destroyer. They were about to go from serving with a couple hundred crewmen to over forty thousand. There were more people stationed on the ISD Chimaera than lived in Eli's hometown. Preparing for the transfer felt like a whirlwind.
Their first day on the new ship arrived in a flash. As it came time to lead others, the prospect had made Eli nervous. His first time commanding other men was on a ship the size of a small city? What if he messed up? What if all the other commanders looked down on him?
Thrawn's shadow could be stifling, but it was also comfortable at times. Eli suddenly wondered what he would do without it blanketing him from scrutiny.
Thrawn must have noticed something in Eli's expression on their way to the Chimaera, because he commented, "you look perturbed."
"My first command position. I never thought it would arrive." Eli stared at his feet. "I thought they would push me up to second lieutenant or something first."
"Your position is overdue. Had political machinations not interfered with our careers, you would have reached this point at a natural rate."
"What if I'm not ready?"
Silence. Eli peeked over at Thrawn. The older man was (for once) at a loss for words. "You... have had more than enough time to prepare for this role, Lieutenant Commander. You possess the mental acuity for the task."
"I just… I don't know if my subordinates will take me seriously," Eli confessed. "I'm not a tall imposing guy, you know. I'm not like you."
"No two people lead the same way. That does not mean two people cannot be equally effective leaders. You will learn how to lead, just as I once did." Thrawn's burning red eyes softened when he saw a gulp slide down Eli's throat. "It was not so long ago that I stood in your place. Believe in your abilities, Commander Vanto. As fiercely as you have come to believe in mine."
"I've only gotten this far because I've believed in you." Emotion crept into Eli's voice. His anxieties shook the words as they tumbled out of his mouth. "I would be completely alone if it weren't for you. Anything I've accomplished has been because you made it possible… sir."
Thrawn tilted his head at Eli's confession. His expression held… concern? "You give me too much credit, Lieutenant Commander. All I have done is allow you to reach your fullest potential."
Instead of taking the younger man in hand, Thrawn handed Eli's baggage to him. Eli shivered as Thrawn's hands brushed over his. Yesterday had been their sex night, and already Eli wished he could have more. Never mind that their transport was in the process of docking on the Chimaera.
Instead, Thrawn said, "go find your quarters. We will report to the bridge when our shifts begin."
Eli sighed, watching Thrawn walk away. It was easy for Thrawn to take new responsibilities in the fleet. If his comments about his previous career as a soldier were any indication, Thrawn had been telling others what to do for as long as Eli had been alive.
Eli stewed on the matter as he looked for his quarters on the Chimaera. He didn't like to think about the age gap he and Thrawn had. The last time he'd noticed it was when their former commander, one Alfren Cheno, had nearly walked in on them kissing.
"Captain Thrawn really cares about you, doesn't he? You must be like a son to him."
Eli wasn't Thrawn's son. Thrawn had said he didn't have any children. No, what they had was more than a mentor/mentee relationship. Over the years at Thrawn's side, Thrawn had come to shape every corner of Eli's life. Every time an old relationship fell away, his bond with Thrawn took on an extra layer of intensity. He hadn't noticed the pattern before, but it was ridiculous to ignore it now.
When Eli lost touch with his academy friends, he'd turned to Thrawn for friendly advice. When his closest friend on the Blood Crow had transferred to planetside duty, his relationship with Thrawn took a turn for the romantic. When a confrontation with his father turned violent and lost Eli his family, Thrawn had been there to keep Eli whole.
Once he found his new room, Eli collapsed on his cot, personal effects still in his hands. He slumped. Compared to his shared quarters on the Blood Crow and Thunder Wasp, the suite felt too big for him. Like a child was sleeping in the master bedroom. As with everything in the Empire, the furniture was designed to be sleek and utilitarian. No decoration or personalization lined the walls. Hardly any personalization was allowed. It wasn't like the room he'd had at home in the slightest.
Ugh. Not his childhood room again. Eli avoided thinking about his family when he could. After his uncle smuggled him and Thrawn off Lysatra, Mala had tried to call Eli almost daily. The one time Eli picked up, his sister's eyes stared past him the whole time. As if she was looking at someone out of the holo's frame. It didn't take much for Eli to guess who that someone was.
Mala said if Eli came home after his six years with the navy ended, then his family would keep his "inappropriate relationship" with Thrawn a secret. Eli rejected the blackmail to her face, but declined to tell Thrawn about the incident. Thrawn was all about unconventional solutions to problems, and Eli wasn't sure he wanted to see how Thrawn would "solve" his family's threats of sabotage.
Besides, after being stuck at ensign for four years, it didn't hurt to have a backup plan. Thrawn could make his heart race and his body ache, but Eli couldn't live on love alone for the rest of his life. If Eli couldn't stake out a career in the navy on his own, he would have no choice but to crawl back under his father's thumb. Be one more cog in the Vanto machine.
Years had passed since that holocall. No one from the Vanto family had attempted to contact Eli on his personal comm or datapad since. Nor had anyone questioned Eli about his relationship with Thrawn. Maybe his father's threat had been hollow after all.
In some ways, it was a relief. Losing touch with his family meant they couldn't dictate the path of Eli's life anymore. Thrawn had freed him to make his own choices. If Thrawn hadn't defended Eli in the Vanto homestead, who knew where Eli would be now?
He winced. It hurt to realize Eli couldn't do anything on his own. He couldn't maintain friendships. He couldn't inspire others to follow him. He couldn't even hold onto the love of a family. Without someone to rescue and guide him, Eli was nothing.
Eli's thoughts raced. He felt his slouch dip lower, his legs slide up towards his chest as he curled into a fetal position. He'd never thought starting a new assignment would bring him this much anxiety.
He wished he and Thrawn still shared a room. He wished he could seek comfort in Thrawn's embrace. But he was alone.
Eli fell onto his side. He wondered how Thrawn was settling into their new home.
Thrawn closed the drawer on the last of his clothing items. With that last gesture, his move into the Chimaera's commodore suite was complete.
All throughout the unpacking, Thrawn had mused on what to make of Eli's latest confession. Nerves before a new assignment were natural, but one sentiment in particular struck Thrawn as undesirable: "I would be completely alone if it weren't for you. Anything I've accomplished has been because you made it possible."
To this day, Eli still didn't know Thrawn had tampered with his communication devices. He had stopped his Myomar acquaintences from maintaining contact with Eli post-transfer. This was proper; a warrior adopted into a new station need not maintain relations with their prior appointment. Thrawn himself had lost all his Rentoran friends when he became Mitth.
Furthermore, Eli didn't know Thrawn had reminded the (then) new Captain Rossi to approve Lieutenant Stoun's request for planetside transfer. Stooun was an adequate soldier, but her lack of ambition had been a negative influence on the young Vanto. Her encouragement for Eli to seek return to his old career track had been unacceptable in Thrawn's eyes. He was fortunate circumstances made it so easy to remove her voice from Eli's ear.
All the while, Thrawn offered encouragement and guidance in the forms to which Eli was most receptive. Thrawn had noticed Eli's attraction and used it to nurture a promising young warrior. These efforts should have boosted Eli's confidence in his abilities as a soldier, but there had been one last roadblock.
Last and most important had been the matter of Eli's family. For years, Jerrod Vanto had wielded the power to reduce all of Thrawn's efforts to nothing. Not out of skill or cunning, but sheer emotional proximity. For as long as Jerrod Vanto's ideals for the future held weight in Eli's mind, he would never truly realize his own potential. All that power, with no inspiration for how to wield it. Vanto shipping had the potential to connect the Unknown Regions with the rest of the galaxy, and all the company owner wanted to do was chase Imperial contracts. What a waste.
On Lysatra, Thrawn had realized it wouldn't be enough to sever Eli's bond with his father. Not when Jerrod Vanto kept his family in line with his fist. For Eli to take another path, Thrawn had to pull back the curtain of dysfunctionality back in front of the whole Vanto clan. It had been a risky move to open Eli up to domestic abuse, but Thrawn had been there to protect him. To reassure him he had a bright future beyond the shipping lanes of Wild Space.
It hadn't been enough to remove all the negative influences from Eli's life. Confidence came from within, and Eli hadn't discovered it for himself yet. No matter how many missions he carried out away from Thrawn, Eli still attributed all his success to his commander. His lover.
Lieutenant Commander Eli Vanto had all the technical skills necessary to assume his position on the Chimaera. It was the social side of his role that gave him pause. He feared his subordinates would not respect him.
How could Thrawn convince him otherwise? It would do no good to offer advice himself. Whatever success his words of wisdom wielded, Eli would not attribute to himself. He needed someone else to offer reassurance. Someone Thrawn knew would not try to lead the younger man stray once again.
Moreover, Thrawn could not reveal the truth to Eli. Imperial society did not condition their future commanders how the Chiss did. Thrawn's methods would be seen as extreme, a betrayal of personal trust. It would be no use to turn Eli against him at this juncture.
After a moment of thinking, one possibility came to mind: Commander Belinda Hammerly. For the first time in their careers, Thrawn and Eli had not transferred alone to their next assignment. Hammerly had followed them over from the Thunder Wasp, assuming a new command position herself in the process. Perhaps she could relate to Eli's anxieties. Assuage them to a degree.
Before he could consider an alternative, Thrawn found himself standing in front of Hammerly's new quarters assignment. He was about to knock when the door slid open on its own accord.
In the doorway stood Commander Hammerly, clad in the black athletic wear officers preferred to wear off duty. "Oh! Commodore Thrawn, sir. Did you need something from me?"
"Perhaps. Where are you going, Commander?"
"I'm headed to a game night in the cantina. The weapons officer here is an old friend of mine. You wouldn't happen to know Lieutenant Kana Pyrondi, would you sir?"
Thrawn shook his head. "I would not. What do you intend to play, Commander?"
Hammerly snorted. "If I remember Pyrondi right, it will be a lot of Sabacc. Bespin Hold 'Em, most likely." She shifted on her feet, uncomfortable with the man standing in her way. Thrawn showed no sign of moving. "Do you play, sir?"
There it was. The opportunity Thrawn was looking for. He nearly smirked. "I do not, Commander. I believe Lieutenant Commander Vanto does, however. Is he aware of the game night event taking place tonight?"
She furrowed her brow. "I don't know, sir. I suppose I can invite him." Hammerly paused. "Do you remember which room Vanto got assigned, sir?"
Thrawn rattled off the number without hesitation. Hammerly stepped back, impressed. "Wow, sir. You must plan to spend a lot of time together on this ship."
"Lieutenant Commander Vanto may have gained new responsibilities, but he is still my aide. It is worthwhile for me to know where I can find him in all circumstances." Thrawn no longer wished to continue this conversation. He stepped aside for Hammerly to depart her quarters. "Enjoy your evening, Commander."
Hammerly met Thrawn in a hallway with a knowing twinkle in her eye. "I know you care a lot about your crew, sir. That's crucial on a transport, but bigger ships can get impersonal at times. Your attentiveness to subordinates' lives will be a great addition to a Star Destroyer."
"Thank you, Commander. You and Vanto have much to contribute, yourself." With those parting words, Thrawn departed the corridor. Hammerly walked in the opposite direction towards Vanto's assigned suite.
It was true. Thrawn cared immensely about Vanto's life. What other commander would invest more effort into a mentee's success than their own parent?
A/N's: I've been working on a few fics lately, but problems in my personal life called me to this one. I've been meaning to finish this fic out for some time, but I kept starting and scrapping its final chapter.
As you may have guessed, each chapter is named after the relationship Thrawn took away from Eli as their connection grows deeper. Similarly, the early chapters are entirely Eli's POV. By the end, Eli barely has half the chapter to express himself. Thrawn's voice comes to dominate his narrative and his life. Any friends he makes now on the Chimaera come from and are approved by Thrawn. It's a darker take on the familiar Thranto ship. For the record, I don't consider this fic canon.
I hope you enjoyed the fic. Thank you for making it to the end with me and staying patient. I will update Halfway to Martyrdom soon.
