Chapter 18. The Return
Content warning: Contains sexual content which may not be suitable for readers under the age of 18.
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There was a bit of fallout from the poster when the senior administration of the New York Public Library system became aware that one of their younger Brooklyn librarians had posed for it. The initial reaction at the top level was to serve Ariel with her termination papers. Mrs. Houseman, as her supervisor, was called in for a meeting and pointed out that the young woman wore similar clothing to the beach, where she was on view to thousands of people (men, women, and children), who were not offended by it. She also pointed out that it was war time, morale of the troops was always important, and that the young woman's fiancé, a soldier in basic training, was supportive of the poster. As Victoria Houseman faced the long table of very serious looking older men, and a couple of women she asked if she could make a suggestion.
"You have an opportunity to support a young woman who originally just wanted a picture for her fiancé, a man she will marry and have a family with someday," she said. "The photographer saw the opportunity to use her natural beauty to make something for our troops to remember the girl they left behind. Why don't you make sure that people know the beautiful girl in that poster is a librarian in Brooklyn, and that you have other librarians just as beautiful and patriotic as her who also support our troops. Perhaps, when some of those troops are on leave, they'll come in to find their own pinup girl working in one of our libraries. In the process, you'll be increasing your library patronage, perhaps convincing some of those soldiers to get library memberships and thinking of moving to New York to find their true love in one of our branches."
She watched the half dozen administrators whisper amongst themselves as they considered Mrs. Houseman's suggestion. After several minutes they reached a consensus and the Head Librarian turned to her.
"The young lady in question," he began, "is she one of your young librarians who trudged through the blizzard last year to work? She is also the one working on the history of Greenpoint branch?" Mrs. Houseman confirmed both answers. "Very well. There will be no reprimand on her file as she has already shown her dedication to the profession. However, if she is approached to do a similar poster in the future, she must obtain permission first so that we can support her from the beginning. As for your suggestion, it is one that interests us, and we will consider it seriously. Thank you for coming in today, Mrs. Houseman."
Within a couple of days of the meeting notices were sent out that outlined Mrs. Houseman's suggestion as policy but reminding all staff to receive permission first and include the photographer's name and address so that they could seek permission to use their staff. Of course, they worded it as wishing to protect the reputation of the many single young women working in New York libraries, but it essentially granted permission to pose for pinup posters.
Ariel did request the Easter weekend off, but Mrs. Houseman went one step further, reminding Ariel that she was due vacation time which she could use for the entire week Bucky had leave. Since the library was closed on Good Friday her vacation wouldn't officially start until the following week. Taking the older woman up on her offer Ariel agreed to use her vacation time and told Merton of her plans.
"Why don't I take a little trip of my own?" he asked. "I've been thinking of taking a trip up to Vermont and checking out some estate sales. I have a friend up there I haven't seen for some time. It would give you and Bucky some privacy."
"You would do that for us?" asked Ariel.
"Consider it done," he replied. "Really, it's been hard on you not seeing him. Just promise that you won't spend the entire time in bed. Get out and enjoy spring in New York."
She actually blushed when Merton said that knowing what was likely to happen when Bucky showed up. As the weeks passed into the final days before his arrival Ariel found out that Bucky had already warned his parents he would be spending a lot of time with her, and staying over when he could. On one of her visits for dinner she was helping Mrs. Barnes prepare the meal and the older woman asked straight out what Ariel was able to arrange for the couple's privacy.
"Uncle Merton is leaving Good Friday for Vermont," replied Ariel. "He's visiting a friend and checking out some estate sales for several days, possibly all of next week."
Winnifred stopped her preparations and gazed at the younger woman. "So, you'll be completely alone with Bucky." She chuckled. "Promise me you won't spend the entire time in bed. Get out and enjoy spring in New York."
"Uncle Merton said the exact same thing," exclaimed Ariel, almost laughing, then she became serious. "You don't think I'm a loose woman for looking forward to this time alone with Bucky, do you?"
The older woman stopped again and put her hand on Ariel's shoulders before drawing her in. "My dear girl, Bucky has always been intimate with young ladies but you're the first one that he committed to and asked to marry him. It's part of who he is. I couldn't hold you to a different standard as that would make me a hypocrite, wouldn't it? His father was the same way when we courted. In a sense, they both needed the touch between a man and a woman to feel satisfied. He obviously satisfies you if you long for the same touch."
Ariel hugged the older woman hard, admiring her liberal attitudes to sex and intimacy. It was a very unusual attribute for the times. Although Merton wasn't joining them for dinner Steve did. He walked Ariel home after dinner, and they talked about what was planned for Bucky's return. Steve was quiet for a block then coughed nervously and stopped under a streetlight.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," replied Ariel.
"Why did you two never take me up on my offer of using my place to be together? I didn't mind, really."
"I know," she answered then she took a deep breath. "To me, it seemed insensitive, considering that you hadn't ... you know, been with a girl." She could see him blush even in the dark. "We would have to change out the sheets every time and wash them, then hang them up to dry, which was a chore in itself. To be honest, it felt like we would be rubbing your nose in it that we were intimate, and you weren't."
"I still wouldn't have minded, although you couldn't have stayed the night, not if you wanted privacy all night long. I mean, I still need a place to sleep, and I would have taken the couch if you two promised to behave."
He rambled on for a few more minutes before Ariel interrupted. "It was still taking advantage of your good nature, Steve. Friends don't take advantage of friends, even if the offer was made in good faith." She began walking again and took his arm. "You might not see much of us for a couple of days, but we are going to get out and enjoy the season. You'll come out with us, right?"
He nodded and they walked the rest of the way, talking about the things they could do together. When they arrived at the store they stood outside the door to the stairs. It was obvious Steve wanted to ask Ariel something else and she looked at him seriously, the light over the doorway illuminated his pale face from above. Finally, it seemed like he had screwed up enough courage and he swallowed.
"I have a date tomorrow night," he said hoarsely. Ariel smiled broadly at him. "Just the movies and maybe an ice cream soda after if the drug store is still open." He let out a big breath as if to steel his courage. "Can you show me how to kiss a girl so that I do it right?"
He looked away, flustered. It was sad and sweet at the same time that at the age of 23 he hadn't even kissed a girl yet, never mind been intimate with one.
"Do you know if it's her first kiss?" she asked.
"I think so," he replied. "She's shy and skinny like me, works in the bookstore next to the diner."
"Well, the first kiss is special because it sets the tone for how the rest of the relationship will go," began Ariel. "You don't want to be grabbing her or trying to kiss her when she's talking. You could take her hand or touch her arm with your hand and gently stroke it. Then you lean in and move your hand to her shoulder or even her cheek, very gently. Look her in the eye, just for a few seconds, then ask if you can kiss her. If she says yes that's good. If she doesn't say anything but she doesn't move away, that's good too. If she moves away, you move back and give her some space to think about it."
As Ariel was describing what to do, she demonstrated the actions, watching Steve closely to see how nervous he was becoming.
"Can I tell her that I like her?" he stammered. "Or say that her hair is really nice?"
"Absolutely," smiled Ariel. "If she tilts her head then tilt yours in the other direction. Just don't bump your noses together. Close your eyes, open your lips just a little and touch your lips together. Don't open your mouth or stick your tongue in ... not for the first kiss, or even the second. Put your free arm around her waist or back while you're kissing. Then a few seconds later gently pull apart and smile. If you liked it, tell her. If she liked it, she'll probably smile, and you can ask if you can kiss her again. That kiss can be a little longer and you can hold her a little tighter."
Ariel kissed him once, exactly how she described to him then she stepped back and smiled as his eyes stayed closed for a few seconds longer than hers. When Steve finally opened his eyes, he blushed and smiled shyly then he nodded.
"That was nice," he admitted. "No wonder Bucky likes kissing you. You won't tell him about this, will you?"
"Not if you don't want me to, but I think he would understand. You have soft lips, Steve, and that's really good for kissing. Just don't get greedy and try to force it because that never feels right. Will you let me know how it goes?"
"I will, thank you," he said, quickly kissing her on the cheek.
He stayed on the sidewalk as she opened the door and went up the stairs. Then he walked back to his place with a smile, looking forward to his date the following night. As Ariel entered the apartment Merton was poring over the newspaper, looking at the ads for upcoming estate sales in Vermont and writing down the addresses of the ones that interested him the most. Ariel sat next to him.
"I just had a most interesting walk back with Steve," she said. "He has a date tomorrow night and asked if I could show him how to kiss a girl. You can't say anything to Bucky either, as Steve doesn't want him to know."
He sat back and looked at her. "He has a date and you kissed?"
She nodded. "Is that a problem? Should I have not done that?"
"I don't know," he replied. "You're the closest thing we have to a historian studying him, but our current records don't show he ever kissed a girl before he became Captain America. He asked you?"
"Yeah, you don't think I've changed his timeline, have you?" she asked, suddenly second guessing herself.
"We know he lost his virginity to a USO show girl when they made him go out on the bond buying tours first," said Merton. "There was a kiss witnessed between him and Peggy Carter in 1945 then Natasha Romanoff in 2014, when they were trying to elude HYDRA agents at a shopping mall. He said then he had kissed a girl before but that could have been either the USO show girl or Carter."
"He was also kissed by General Phillips' secretary and was apparently very flustered by it," said Ariel. "Oh gosh, have I changed his timeline by showing him how to kiss? How did I not ..."
"Don't get upset at yourself," interrupted Merton, trying to reassure her. "His working at the diner is a change from his original timeline, one that supposedly had no impact on it. Did he meet the date through the diner?"
"She works in the bookstore beside it. He said she's shy and skinny like him. Could she be a plant?"
"Only one way to find out," he stated, then went to the bathroom for the key to the communications room.
They both went up to the attic and Merton contacted Peri, explaining the situation. Watching as Peri's fingers flew over the virtual keyboard of her communications display, they both began to get an uncomfortable feeling about it. Finally, she seemed satisfied with what she found out.
"No harm done," she stated. "No changes to his timeline that you have to be concerned about. Just don't let Bucky know. As much as he cares about Steve he might wonder if it was completely innocent between you two. Don't need that to complicate things."
The following evening Ariel was caught between thinking of Steve's date and the fact that Bucky was just hours away from arriving. She went to bed trying not to let her excitement keep her awake.
At breakfast in the morning Merton went over his list of estate sales once more when they both heard the sound of the door to the street open and footsteps come up the stairs. Before the footsteps stopped at the top of the stairs Ariel was at the door and opened it. All Merton saw was a pair of arms in an army uniform pick Ariel up off her feet before stepping inside, revealing the arms belonged to Bucky. As the couple kissed, he came closer and coughed politely. Quickly, Bucky put Ariel down and extended his hand.
"Mr. Burnett, I wasn't expecting you to still be here," said Bucky, who looked taller and broader in the shoulders than when he left almost 13 weeks before. He took his hat off and held it in his hand. "Ma said you were leaving for Vermont."
"I am, as soon as I finish breakfast," replied Merton. "You didn't think I would leave without seeing you first, did you?"
Bucky grinned, that easy going grin that Merton recognized as the one he used to flirt with girls before he met Ariel. "No sir, I guess not. How's the store doing?"
"Pretty good, considering there's a war on. You want some breakfast, or a coffee?"
Grinning again he shook his head then looked at Ariel. "Thanks, I already ate at home."
There was silence between the three of them then Merton stepped away. "Well, I better get going before the roads get busy," he said. "I'll just get ready to leave. Ariel, you're good to wash up here?"
"Absolutely," replied Ariel, her face slightly flushed.
As Merton went into his room, leaving the young couple alone in the kitchen Bucky leaned over and kissed Ariel on the neck, making her smile. When he returned to the kitchen to pick up his notes Bucky smiled at the older man and they both walked Merton to the door where Ariel hugged him.
"Stay out of trouble," said Merton. "I'll be at Mr. Whittaker's house by supper time if you need to contact me. I've left his phone number by the phone. I'll be back next Thursday before dark."
As his footsteps went down the stairwell Bucky moved to the window in the parlour and peeked out. As soon as the van was out of sight, he tossed his cap on the side table and came close to Ariel again. This time his actions were slow and deliberate as he pulled her close to him and gazed at her intently.
"My Angel," he murmured. "I've missed you so much."
"I missed you, too," she whispered.
He leaned over and pressed his opened lips against hers, with one arm around her waist and a hand threaded into her hair. For several long moments they kissed then he pulled away.
"I have to go downstairs for a moment," he said softly. "I kind of left my bag outside with several changes of clothes. I didn't want it to be obvious that I was staying."
Quickly he went down the stairs then came back up within a minute carrying a suitcase. This time he locked the door then followed Ariel into the bedroom where he placed the suitcase next to the dresser. Undoing the belt on his jacket Ariel started unbuttoning it and eased it off of his shoulders. Slowly they undressed each other down to their undergarments and found themselves feeling a little shy.
"I've dreamed of you like this with me," said Bucky as he ran his hand through her hair again. "Now, I feel like I should be extra gentle. Don't want to hurt you or break you if I get carried away."
"It's alright if you do," replied Ariel. "I won't hold it against you. It's a long time to be apart."
A soft smile creased his face, and he kissed her again, only this time neither of them pulled away until in a sudden frenzy they pulled each other's underwear off and laid on the bed, kissing and grinding against each furiously. Bucky suddenly went to his trousers and pulled several condoms out, opening one of the packets and rolling it on.
"I know I should taste you first, but I just want to be in you," he said in a low husky voice.
Ariel opened her legs and touched herself then brought her fingers up to Bucky's lips, making him smile as he gently sucked on them. Lining himself up with her entrance he slowly pressed himself in, almost rolling his eyes at how good it felt for him, even though the condom reduced the feel. While their lips and hands moved over the more sensitive parts of each other's bodies, both of them responded to the other's movements, searching for the pleasure points that had been dormant for weeks. In the quietness of Ariel's room, the only sound the lovers were aware of were their soft sighs and breaths as their arousal grew to the point of release. Their hands were busy caressing the skin of their lover, feeling the heat their actions gave off in the already warm apartment. As the desire built to a crescendo within them it seemed all time outside of their universe of two ceased being important. The arching of Ariel's back and the raising of her hips into Bucky's body signalled the ecstasy of coming and she gasped his name through the overwhelming sensation that washed through her repeatedly. Bucky quickly followed her, spewing forth with a single curse word, fuck, over and over for several seconds as he felt the best release he'd experienced since the weekend before he left on that train for basic training. Her arms and legs wrapped around him as he lowered himself to lay his head on Ariel's chest, breathing heavily at first, then more deeply as he took in the tangy and salty scent of their bodies.
"Sweetheart, there's no one else for me but you," he whispered, as he caressed her breast with one hand. "You're all I want."
He lifted his head, shifting his gaze from Ariel's eyes to her lips then back again. She ran her hands through his hair, gently rubbing his scalp which brought a contented moan from his throat. After a few moments Bucky withdrew from her and left to discard the condom, coming back with a glass of water for them to share. Sitting up, Ariel took the glass, drinking from it then handing it back to him so he could put it on the nightstand. Sliding under the covers beside her, Bucky put his arm under her neck so he could hold her and see her while he played with her hair, an action which drew a soft smile from her.
"That feels good," she said softly. His raised eyebrow made her clarify. "Actually, it all felt good. Being without you has been hard."
"I know, it felt like part of me was missing," he replied.
They kissed, softly for some time, each taking pleasure from the sensation of lips and tongues caressing each other. From the slightly open window they could hear the sounds from outside; the songbirds chirping as they sought out a mate, the sound of a baby crying, a train whistle in the distance ... all sounds that were just now intruding on their world.
"Tell me the truth," started Ariel. "Did the pinup picture that was made into a poster bother you?"
Bucky coloured then he smiled his soft smile. "For about a minute," he admitted. "I wanted you all to myself but when those who recognized you began calling me a lucky man for having such a beautiful doll waiting at home for me, I warmed up to it. I just made sure there weren't any posted in the latrine." Ariel gave him a questioning look. "It's where most of us ... uh, relieved our urges. Only I get to do that to a picture of you."
"I got paid $10 for posing," she said. "That's more than a week's pay for me. There was some controversy with the library administration, but Mrs. Houseman went to bat for me. Said I was supporting troop morale. She's such a good manager."
"I told you she was a good egg," replied Bucky. "She's married to my high school physics teacher. They have a couple of kids, too."
"He enlisted," said Ariel. "His mother moved in with them to look after the kids while she works. I heard he's an officer in the Navy." She was quiet for moment. "What's it like, really like?"
He swallowed then kissed her on the forehead. "It's serious business. They're teaching us to kill, without hesitation or thought. We have to be ready at all times because the guys in the unit will depend on everyone else to have their back. I get that but the thought of killing bothers me. I'm not religious but it's a commandment, right? Thou shalt not kill. It's right there in black and white and ... I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I'll be able to do it."
His hold on her tightened and Ariel pressed her face into his neck, kissing his pulse point. She ran her free hand up to his neck, holding him closely to her. Her nose started to tingle as she fought the urge to cry, knowing what was coming for him, knowing already about the killer he would become, both in war and after. A little sniff escaped her, and Bucky kissed her again.
"Don't cry about that, please," he whispered. "It's wartime and really, I have no choice. When I get back, I'll put it all behind me and we'll be together, we'll be married and have a such good life. I promise you, baby."
Desperately Ariel reached for his face and kissed him, fighting the tears that threatened to overwhelm her. Bucky kissed her again and went down on her, hoping that making her come would stop the tears. Afterwards, when he was spooned up behind her, they laid without speaking and eventually his breathing evened out into the rhythmic sounds of sleep. She didn't want to leave him alone in the bed, but she wasn't sleepy, even though the room was warming up and becoming a little stuffy. So, she laid there and let her mind go idle. For some reason some lines from a 20th century movie that she liked came to mind and she replayed the scene over and over in her mind.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion... I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to die.*
It was a dark, dystopian movie with characters called replicants, who had no control over their short lives, as they were created to do the dirty jobs humans didn't want to do; cleaning up toxic waste, performing sex work, or sent out as soldiers to do battle in the black battlefields of space. The replicant character who said the lines saved a human's life, a human who was trying to kill him. Then he said these lines just before his short but incredible life ended. Many of the critical reviews of the time said the replicant's point to the human was that no one had control of their fate. All anyone could do was live, until it was time to die.
Silently, Ariel wept, knowing that the man pressed up behind her, with his warm muscular arms enclosing her in a loving embrace, had no control over his fate and neither did she. All the hopes that perhaps a nudge here or there could give Bucky a different outcome in his life to come was wishful thinking at best. It was devastating and freeing at the same time because Merton was right, all she could do was love him in the here and now. Whatever the effects on her would be dealt with in 2142 when she returned. Until then she would live.
*Blade Runner, 1982. Soliloquy spoken by character Roy Batty, a replicant programmed to die after only four years of life.
