Chapter 19. Doubt

Content warning: Contains sexual content which may be unsuitable for readers under the age of 18.

—-

The remainder of Bucky's leave went quickly. If his parents were bothered by him staying with Ariel, they never voiced it or gave any indication. The couple ate dinner most nights at the Barnes' home and went out several times to the USO to dance where Bucky felt he had the most beautiful girl on his arm and Ariel was sure she was with the most handsome soldier. They even went on a double movie date with Steve and the young bookstore clerk he went out with previously, walking her home and waiting a short distance away as Steve kissed her good night. Bucky was so proud of him and asked him about her.

"Marjorie is a nice girl," he said as they walked Steve back to his place. "How did you meet her?"

"She came in for lunch at the diner," replied the blushing man. "I went into the bookstore after my shift was over and she said hi, so I asked for an art book, and we began talking to each other about art. I asked her out to a movie and tonight was our second date."

"You did good, pal," said Bucky, putting his arm around the top of Steve's shoulders. "How was the first kiss? You remember everything I told you about kissing girls?"

Steve went even redder and tried to answer but he stammered so much that Bucky stopped and looked at him, knowing something was off. Glancing at Ariel quickly Steve took a few breaths.

"Your way never works for me because I don't ... I don't look like you, and I don't have your confidence," explained Steve. "So, I asked someone else for advice."

Bucky grinned, as if it were a bit of a joke. "Yeah, like who?"

Steve started to wheeze from anxiety, worried that Bucky would be angry, so Ariel spoke up.

"Me, he asked me," she said. "I told him what to do and I showed him."

"You kissed?" asked Bucky, sounding irritated. "You kissed my girl? Jesus H. Christ, Steve..."

"I kissed him," said Ariel. "How else could I show him? Considering he got a second date out of it I'm guessing Marjorie was happy with the kiss."

"I'm sorry, Buck," said Steve, "but how Ariel told me was different than how you told me, and it felt right, and Marjorie liked it, so I'm not sorry for me and Ariel kissing because it worked."

For a moment Ariel thought Bucky was going to be very angry then he pulled Steve into a hug and rubbed his head.

"Just this once," he said. "But if you kiss her again then you and I will have words."

"I'm sorry," replied Steve, "but I wanted Marjorie to think I had kissed before, and I wasn't about to kiss you when you were explaining it."

"Alright, I get it," said Bucky. "Like I said, you don't ask Ariel to show you anything else, you get my drift?"

Steve nodded and headed up to his apartment while Bucky and Ariel continued walking to the antique shop. He said nothing the whole way and Ariel thought back to Peri's warning about not telling him. He had never really displayed a possessive side in this manner before and she wondered if she had overstepped herself. As they got to the top of the stairs Ariel took the keys out, putting them into the lock and opening the door. Before she could turn on the light Bucky took her hand in his and looked at her in the almost dark of the entry way. Only the glow from the streetlight outside illuminated the apartment.

"He loves you, you know," he said quietly. "You're the first girl who paid him any attention and it means a lot to him. I'm not surprised he asked you about kissing because you would show him how a girl likes to be kissed. I only ever showed him how I liked kissing a girl."

"Did it bother you that we kissed?" asked Ariel.

For a moment he didn't answer. "More than it should have," he admitted, "and not because I'm jealous but because you knew what he needed to know better than I did. Promise me you won't kiss him again."

Ariel pulled his head down towards hers and kissed him softly on the lips. "I promise. It took a lot for him to ask. He was embarrassed about it."

"You're a kind woman," said Bucky, "and a good friend to him. Watch out for him while I'm gone. Try to keep him from challenging bigger guys to fights."

"Like I can stop him," muttered Ariel. "He did the hard part; actually asking her to begin with."

"Yeah, he did at that," replied Bucky.

They got undressed in the bedroom but before Ariel got under the covers Bucky sat on the edge of the bed and beckoned her to him. She stood between his spread legs as he caressed her back, running his hands down to her bottom.

"Would you marry me?" he asked.

"I already said I would," Ariel smiled.

He shook his head. "For real. We could get a licence tomorrow and married at City Hall the day after. Make us legal. You could still live with your uncle or with my parents. I wouldn't ... I wouldn't feel like we were sneaking around when I'm home on leave."

"We're not sneaking around," protested Ariel. "Your parents know you're here, so does Uncle Merton. I'll marry you after the war, after you come home."

He pressed his face into her midsection, kissing her softly. Then he looked up at her, his eyes almost pleading as his disappointment with her answer played itself over his face. Shifting back so he was more on the bed he pulled her onto his lap, so she straddled him. She could feel him harden beneath her and she rubbed her groin against him, bringing a groan out of him. Gently, he began to kiss her breasts, taking her nipples between his lips and mouthing them, bringing whimpers out of her throat. Lowering her face to his she kissed him intensely as she ground herself down into him. His breathing became heavy and harsh as he began to roughly kiss her shoulders and neck, gripping her body firmly. Leaning to the night table he opened the condom package and rolled it on then grasped her hips and lowered her onto his cock. Ariel took several sharp breaths as she got used to how deep he was in her.

"Do you like that?" he asked, in a low husky voice that made her clench around him.

He reached down to her clitoris and rubbed his thumb against it before bringing it back and offering it to her to suck. With his thumb still in her mouth he kissed thrusting his tongue deeply into her before pumping himself up into her entry. A cry escaped from Ariel's lips as she felt the desire spike from that movement. Rocking forward she kissed him on the lips before moving them to his neck, gently biting it before sucking on his ear lobe.

"Fuck," he whispered, then he pulled her away from his neck and put his hand around the back of her neck making her head drop backwards.

He licked a strip from her sternum up to her chin then forced her back onto his lips again, savagely kissing her. They gazed at each other in the dark as Ariel kept her rocking motion going and once again he mouthed her breasts and nipples, swirling his tongue around them as they pebbled. He brought one hand onto her breast cupping it as he sucked her nipple pulling it away from her body. In response she bounced on his cock and he gasped then looked at her with a sly smile.

"Fuck me like that until you come," he ordered. "Do it. I want to see you bounce on my cock."

Grasping her buttock with his other hand he squeezed it hard and with her own sly smile Ariel began to bounce up and down on him. He licked his thumb and began circling her clitoris, watching her reaction. As she came closer to coming, she began to close her eyes and roll her head back.

"Yeah, that's what I want to see," he murmured. "Come on, baby, come all over me. Scream for me."

Roughly circling her clitoris and mouthing her breasts while he looked up at her he watched as Ariel's mouth opened while her orgasm built up. With an anguished cry she came, looking at him through half-closed eyes as he thrust himself up into her, searching for his own release. When it came Bucky held her tightly, as she circled her arms around his shoulder, lowering her face to his ear and breathing softly into it. Burying his face into her chest he pressed his forehead against her, breathing heavily. When he lifted his face to look at her, Ariel placed her palm on his cheek and kissed him tenderly before enclosing him in her arms again. He encircled her with his arms and sat feeling the softness of her back on his hands, and the pounding of her heart on his chest.

Slowly Ariel lifted herself off of Bucky and stepped off the bed as he pulled the condom off and went to dispose of it. Getting under the covers she could hear him running the tap for a glass of water and the sound of his bare feet on the floor approaching the bedroom. She took the glass and drank some, handing the glass back to him before he got under the covers with her. They faced each other in the soft darkness, and he played with her hair.

"I wish you would marry me," he whispered. "I won't ask again this leave but please think about it when I have my next leave. I want you so badly as my wife. I'm incomplete without you."

"I'm sorry," she whispered back, her voice strained.

"It's alright," he lied. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you."

"Tell me there's no one else."

"There's no one else."

"Tell me you'll wait for me."

"I'll wait for you, for as long as it takes."

Bucky closed his eyes and pulled Ariel close to his body, holding her as if he never wanted to let her go. They slept that way for the entire night.

When he awoke in the morning he was alone. In a panic he sat up then heard Ariel in the kitchen. The radio was on, playing music and he laid back against the pillow, thinking of her refusing to marry him while he was on leave. He told her it was alright, but doubt had entered his mind and his heart. Why couldn't she get over what her father did to her? Why was that preventing her from committing fully to him? What was wrong with him, that she couldn't believe he would come home? It was so frustrating, especially since other guys were sure to return from leave married to their sweethearts and he wouldn't be. Maybe, if he got her pregnant, she would marry him. It wasn't how he was raised or how he wanted the marriage to happen but maybe if he lost control of the moment, it could force her hand. He expelled a breath sharply, almost disgusted with himself. What kind of man would deliberately get a girl pregnant to make her marry him? Not him ... he couldn't do that to her. Burying his face in the pillow he yelled into it, trying to dispel his frustration before he got up.

Their final time together was wonderful, filled with the type of activities that lovers in the movies did, seeing the city with the eyes of people in love. On the Thursday, when Merton arrived back from his business trip in the midafternoon with a truck full of furniture Bucky helped him unload it. His train back to base was leaving the following morning at 8 am so Bucky was staying at his parent's house that night, then being picked up by his army friends Dugan, Jones, and a couple of other guys from the neighbourhood as they shared a taxi to the train station. Down at the base of the stairwell he put his suitcase down and leaned towards Ariel, his one palm on the wall beside her head as she leaned back against it.

"They'll be sending us to another base for training," he said softly as he committed her face to memory once again. "I don't know where it is yet, but I'll write you as soon as I can. If I'm lucky I'll get another leave in a few months. I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," she said, then she pulled him down to her and kissed him frantically, as if it were the last time she would see him. "Don't be angry. Just come home to me."

"Baby, I could never be angry with you," he whispered back, feeling guilty about doubting her. "I'll always come home to you."

They hugged each other hard, then he pulled away and caressed her face before picking his suitcase up and opening the door out to the street. Ariel watched him as he walked back to his parent's house, raising her hand in farewell every time he looked back. When he was out of sight, she trudged back up the stairs to where Merton had his books open, tallying up his new purchases. She seemed a little listless to him as she entered and went to the parlour to look out the window for a moment before coming into the kitchen. He stopped what he was doing and watched her as she puttered around. Then he pulled the chair beside him away from the table and patted the seat, which she took. With an audible sigh she began to cry, leaning into him.

"He wanted to get a marriage licence and go to City Hall to get married," she whimpered through her sobs. "All I could say was I'm sorry. It hurt him so much. I don't know if I can say no again."

Merton rubbed her back and stroked her hair before he spoke. "I know it's hard. I'm sorry I told you to accept and return his love. I didn't know he was your first real love. You have no choice. It can't go any further or it changes everything in ways that we can only speculate. If you want, you can write him a Dear John letter and end it. I'll sell the shop and we'll go back, both of us, to where we belong."

She pulled away and looked at him. "You would do that for me? Give up being a resident historian?"

He nodded. "I don't know if you've noticed but I've become very fond of you. It tears me apart to see you feel this pain. He's in pain too because he loves you so much. In many ways I feel guilty for doing this to him. He's a good man who didn't deserve the cards he was dealt."

Taking a cleansing breath Ariel sat upright and wiped the tears from her face. "No, I'll see this through but thank you for making the offer. It means a lot to me." She got up to begin making dinner then she leaned over him from behind, giving him a hug. "I'm fond of you, too."

Merton touched her hand with his and smiled. She had been the right one for the assignment. Loving her was easy but it still wouldn't make it better when the end came. Now, more than ever, he was certain she would need him and Peri to help her get over the love of her life.

Christmas, 1942

It had been almost 9 months since Bucky's leave at Easter. He was supposed to get leave in September, but it was cancelled as punishment for him, Dugan and Jones getting into a fight with some soldiers from the deep South who wanted to teach Jones a lesson. At least they didn't have to start basic training again as the other soldiers received that additional punishment for starting the violence. This leave would be for two weeks, starting December 19 with them returning January 4, a year since he began basic training.

Ever since he returned at Easter Bucky had been receiving training to be a sniper. It included advanced mathematics and physics, needed to calculate the effects of wind and distance on the trajectory of the bullet, fieldcraft so Bucky could learn how to live undetected in the field while tracking his quarries, and camouflage, where to set up and how to conceal his position so the enemy couldn't determine where to fire back. In his letters to Ariel, he expressed satisfaction with his progress, as one of his letters explained.

—-

This city boy is really showing those country boys who grew up shooting any varmint on their farm how it's done. Even the instructor, one of the top snipers in the Great War, is impressed with my skills and still doesn't believe it comes from shooting at the crooked shooting gallery games at Coney Island and Rockaway Beach. Says he plans to ask any potential recruits in the future if they have similar experience to mine.

—-

There was subtext in Bucky's letters as well, still expressing his disquiet over taking another's life but he glossed over that, rationalizing that he was just doing for his troops what the enemy was doing for theirs. His first letter home after his return to camp listed the men who came back to training as married men. His last letter before arriving on leave told of those who planned to get married and take a short honeymoon over their long two-week break. He never mentioned wanting to do the same, but Ariel knew he was thinking of it.

Unlike the almost full week alone they had at Easter there would be little opportunity for them during this Christmas leave. Ariel was working full time at the library now that Miss Warren had secured the assistant manager's position. On alternating weeks, she worked Mondays to Fridays and then Tuesdays to Saturdays, each with an afternoon to evening shift included. She also received a raise in pay, another measure to keep library staff from leaving for the lucrative pay in the factories or women's military units that had been started. For Christmas the library would be closed early on Christmas Eve, all Christmas Day but open as usual on Boxing Day. The following week they would close early for New Year's Eve and close all day New Year's Day. She tried to wrangle an additional day off on one of the weeks, but it was no go as others wanted the same thing. At least on the final week of the year she would have New Year's Eve, New Year's Day and the Saturday off as it was her regular day off for that week.

When Bucky arrived on the evening of December 20 he was met by Ariel and Steve at the train station. They watched as he came up the stairs carrying his duffel bag into the concourse, the great vaulted room that Grand Central Terminal was well known for. Seeing them both waiting for him Bucky ran to Ariel, picking her up so her feet left the ground, and kissing her excitedly. Then he put his arm around Steve and gave him a side hug. A big red headed man and a black man also carrying duffel bags followed Bucky and he turned to them.

"Dum Dum Dugan, Gabe Jones, meet Ariel Black, my fiancée and Steve Rogers, my best friend since we were kids," he said. "I was expecting my dad to pick us up. Why are you two here?"

"Well, your dad was working overtime today so I borrowed Uncle Merton's van and offered to come to get you," replied Ariel. "I'm not working tomorrow so I don't have to be up early. Steve wanted to come. We can take your friends home as well, as long as you don't mind sitting on some crates in the back of the van. My uncle is in the antiques business."

"As long as we're not too far out of your way," said Dugan. "I have a new son that I'm anxious to see. He's only a week old."

"You don't mind going into Bedford-Stuyvesant?" asked Gabe. "You'll be alright with me but most white people stay away from there."

"You're Bucky's friend and I'm sure you want to get home to your family," replied Ariel, smiling at the handsome young Jones. "I don't mind driving both of you, as long as you don't mind a woman driving."

Both he and Dugan smiled broadly at her and then at Bucky as he put his arm around her proudly. "What did I tell you? Come on, where are you parked?"

Together the group went out into the chill December air and walked a couple of blocks to the van. Bucky sat in front with her while Steve sat cross-legged on the van floor, giving up the crates to the bigger Jones and Dugan. They drove to Gabe's home first where he thanked Ariel for the ride and told both Bucky and Dum Dum to stay out of trouble. Ariel drove to where Dum Dum lived, a big walk-up apartment building made from several brownstones reorganized into flats. Located near the Navy Yards it was predominately populated with Irish and Italian immigrants. Dum Dum got out and came over to the passenger side window where Bucky shook hands with him. Then the big man looked softly at Ariel.

"I think you do have a bit of the Irish in you," he said. "That St. Patrick's Day poster of you was sure popular. Bucky had a bit of a time convincing people you were really engaged to him. He's a lucky man."

"Thank you," she smiled. "I think I'm pretty lucky, too."

With a tip of his hat Dugan stepped up to the door of his building and entered as Ariel began driving. It didn't take long for them to get to the Barnes' brownstone and Bucky leaned over to kiss her goodbye. He was startled when Steve put something in his hand and prepared to leave the van with a small valise.

"What're you doin'?" he asked, his Brooklyn accent suddenly in effect as he saw Steve had put a key into his hand.

"I'm stayin' in your room, jerk," replied Steve, his Brooklyn accent just as strong. "It's all arranged. You stay in my place tonight and again the weekend before you leave. I'll stay here. It was your Ma's idea. She'll even wash the sheets for me. There's some booze in the cupboard and food in the icebox. You can give me the key back at supper tomorrow with your parents. Have a nice night."

He got out the back and closed it, patting the door then walked to Bucky's window which was now rolled down.

"You punk," muttered Bucky, then he smiled. "Thanks. Tell Ma thanks as well and I'll see them tomorrow."

With a wave Steve went up to the door and knocked lightly then was let in by Mr. Barnes who waved at Bucky and Ariel from the stoop before going back inside. The couple sat in the van for a moment before Ariel put it into gear and began the short drive to Steve's flat. When they arrived Bucky reached for his duffle bag, and her small valise, then waited for her to go up the steps to Steve's place ahead of him. Pulling the key out of his pocket he unlocked the door and followed her in, locking the door behind him.

Ariel took her galoshes and coat off, followed by her scarf, putting it on the coat rack just inside Steve's door. With one hand on her waist and the other on her face Bucky kissed her firmly, pulling her close to his body.

"You were a sight for sore eyes," he whispered when they finally pulled apart. "I don't think I'll ever forget that view of you waiting for me in the terminal."

"Come on," she said, taking his hand. "Let's have a drink and we can get caught up."

His head shook no, and he lifted her up effortlessly, carrying her over to the double bed in the corner of the flat. Taking his hat, jacket and tie off Bucky undid the top few buttons of his shirt and laid on the bed with her, running his one hand through her hair, then down her body, to the hem of her skirt. Delicately, he lifted her skirt up so he could run his fingers up her stocking to her garter, expertly undoing them and unrolling the stocking down her leg as he kissed it. With a smile he adjusted himself then continued with the other leg. Ariel tried to unbutton his shirt, but he just took her hands in his and kissed them, then silently pressed them back down to the bed. The message was clear. This was his show, and he was doing it his way. Pulling her sweater out of her skirt he ran his hand up the soft skin of her stomach to her breast and caressed it over the bra before reaching to her back to undo it. His hand came out and he put it on the side of her neck as he kissed her again, lazily playing with her tongue as he ground his hips into hers. When he stopped, he gazed at her, licking his lips as he ran his hand over her body.

"You alright?" she asked, in a whisper. "I wasn't expecting this."

He nodded and placed his face into her neck, mouthing the pulse point below her ear as he laid on top of her.

"Now you can undo my shirt," he whispered as he looked down from his position.

Ariel undid it, pulling it out from his trousers as he sat up to remove it, revealing those shoulder and chest muscles in his sleeveless undershirt. She could feel herself getting wet just at the sight of him. He knew it, too, as he lifted her skirt and pressed his mouth against her panties for several moments, coming back up with a sinful smile. Hooking them with his fingers he pulled them down then went under her skirt again, pressing his lips and tongue into her as she writhed from the absolute pleasure he was giving her with his movements. Just as she thought she would come he kissed her there and came back up, kissing her deeply on the mouth, sharing her taste.

"You're teasing me," she said accusingly.

He nodded, then smiled that sinful smile again as he lifted her sweater off over her head and pulled her bra away tossing them onto the floor behind them. Leaning over her chest he mouthed her breasts, fondling them in his hands as he did. Ariel lowered one hand down to her crotch and he caught it, kissing it as he shook his head and placed it over her head. With her own sinful smile she put her other hand on it, then looked at him with longing.

"Oh, darlin', who's teasing now?" he asked softly, kissing her briefly on the lips.

He finished undressing her, unbuttoning the back of her skirt and pulling it off over her hips, then ran his hands and lips over her body starting with her feet and moving up. Kneeling between her bent knees Bucky pulled his undershirt off, tossing it aside, then began to unbutton his trousers and removing them, revealing his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers. Looking from above Ariel while on his hands and knees he stared at her for some time as if he wanted to ask her something. Then it seemed as if he made a decision and he reached for his trousers removing a condom from the pocket. Taking his boxers off he rolled the condom on and sunk himself into her.

"Hold me," he whispered from beside her ear. "Touch me. I need to feel you touch me and tell me you love me. Please."

Unsure what had just happened Ariel did as Bucky asked and caressed him lovingly as he thrust himself into her, bringing her to a quick orgasm before coming himself. After all the sensuality of the foreplay the act itself seemed to be something he wanted to get over with as quickly as possible. When he came, he pulled out and quickly disposed of the condom before returning to pick up their clothes from the floor. Smiling nervously at her he lifted the covers so they could get underneath then laid with his back to her before rolling onto his back.

"What happened just now?" asked Ariel softly, as she curled up to lay her head on his chest.

"Something I'm not proud of," he eventually said, his brow furrowing as he said it. "You'll probably hate me for it."

She continued to caress him then raised herself on her elbow and gently put her hand on his opposite cheek to turn his face towards her. Tears formed in his eyes, and he looked away as if he was ashamed.

"I wanted us to make a baby," he whispered. "I thought if you got pregnant you would marry me and put me out of my misery. But it was wrong of me to try and pressure you that way. I'm so sorry."

Ariel stiffened and laid on her back with her hand still on his chest. She said nothing and Bucky rolled away again, certain that she hated him for even thinking it. Truthfully, she was disappointed, but she didn't hate him. In fact, she understood what he was going through, knowing how conflicted she was about not being able to marry him. Spooning up behind him she slipped her hand under his arm and circled his chest with her arm while kissing his back.

"I'm sorry, too," she said. "Mostly, that I can't give you what you want, not yet. It's not you who has to apologize, it's me. If I were right in the head I would marry you tomorrow but I'm terrified of it, Bucky. Terrified that you'll be ripped away from me, leaving me with a baby without you by my side. Maybe we should end it so that you can find a girl who's not afraid to be alone with a baby."

He turned over immediately and cupped her face with his hands. "No, don't say that. I only want you and if we have to wait then we'll wait." Ariel started to cry, and he enclosed her in his arms, kissing her face and head. "I won't bring it up again. We'll take this time we have and make it count, okay? Oh baby, please don't cry about this. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Nothing more was said, and they slept although Bucky was restless, and Ariel was aware that he got up as she saw him sitting in the dark drinking some of Steve's whiskey. When he saw her watching he drained the glass and got back in bed with her, spooning behind her. In the morning she made breakfast for both of them then washed the dishes as Bucky pulled the sheets off the bed so his mother could wash them. Ariel dropped him off just before noon and she went on to the antique store, handing the van keys to Merton then going up to the apartment herself and drawing a bath. By the look on her face, he guessed their tryst hadn't gone entirely well.

She didn't see Bucky again until Christmas Eve when he and Steve came over, bringing a bottle of scotch for Merton. He poured out a drink for all of them while Bucky described his training. Steve was single again, as his dalliance with Marjorie ended before the fall when she decided to get a job in a New Jersey aircraft factory that paid her much more than her part time bookstore job. They had never progressed past the going to the movies and kissing after phase, but he at least knew how to kiss a girl.

On Christmas Day Ariel and Merton joined the Barnes family for the celebration. They exchanged gifts with the family, getting Mr. Barnes some pipe tobacco, Mrs. Barnes a scarf and gloves, Rebecca a subscription to Calling All Girls magazine and Steve an artist's easel. Merton gave Bucky a vintage WWI silver whiskey flask while Ariel gave him the matching cigarette case. Bucky asked Ariel to come to his room to give his gift to her. As the others busied themselves with other things, she found herself sitting at his desk chair while he sat on his bed.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around much this week," he began. "I was helping Ma with some things as Dad was busy with overtime. I was also still bothered by how I tried to force you into marriage. Here's your first gift that I was able to get from a certain individual at my sniper camp."

He gave her a wrapped package opening it to three pairs of real nylons. Gently, Ariel ran her fingertips over them then looked up at him.

"Are these black market?"

He turned a little red and nodded. "I got my mother some, too. She called me a naughty boy but she took them. I want you to wear a pair on New Year's Eve when we go to the USO for the party there. If you're ever short of money I'm sure you can sell them. I have something else that's kind of for both of us." He pulled open a drawer in his desk and pulled out a jewelry box. Inside were two plain gold wedding bands. "I want you to hold on to these. It's a promise that I'm coming home and as soon as I do we'll get married and I'll wear the larger band for the rest of my life. I'll be faithful to you while we're apart and faithful to you when we're together. Ever since I saw you getting out of the van that day that you arrived I've known you were the one for me. Nothing will keep us apart, not even my mistakes."

He closed the box, pressing it into her hand and kissed her. Ariel swallowed the urge to cry knowing he needed reassurance that he hadn't lost her.

"Thank you," she said emotionally. "I'll take care of them for us, and I'll save a pair of the nylons for our wedding day as well. I love you, Bucky."

They kissed passionately and she put the box in her purse before helping Mrs. Barnes in the kitchen. For his sake she kept a positive face on throughout the day and didn't falter until she and Merton got home where she could show him the rings. He held her as she cried, knowing the turmoil this part of the assignment was causing her.

The following week when the couple stayed in Steve's flat for three nights, they went out to the USO New Year's Eve party, then the Stage Door Canteen on New Year's Day to see Bing Crosby perform, and to Radio City Music Hall to see the first show of 1943. The year started with smiles, laughter, and love and they all looked forward to Bucky's next leave, whenever that would be.