Chapter 95
Rose's face lit up when Ron came into the kitchen. Hermione had her sitting on her lap while she tried to juggle her breakfast. Ron didn't know what she'd been doing prior to his appearance, but ever since her first smile two weeks ago, it was all she seemed to do now when she saw either of them.
Ron returned her smile, his heart aching with the knowledge that he wasn't going to get to see that smile all day, every day anymore.
"You like the robes, Rosie?" he asked, holding out his arms. "I haven't put them on since you've been here. It feels strange wearing them again." He crouched by Hermione's chair, coming level with his daughter's face. Her mouth spread into another smile when he tickled her under her chin. "I'm really going to miss you. It's going to be hard." He lifted Rose from Hermione.
He'd known since before she was born that this moment would come. What he hadn't known back then was just how much he'd love every moment he spent with his daughter. Part of him had even thought that maybe after six weeks of being stuck at home with a baby who needed him for everything, he'd appreciate his job more than had before.
Instead, it had confirmed that he didn't want to be an Auror anymore so firmly that he'd resented even dressing in the robes that had once made him so proud. Not that it was dangerous these days, but his job had a history of being hard. People died doing what he did. The very thought of anything happening to him — abandoning his daughter — made him physically ill.
"You'll be fine," Hermione said confidently as he tickled Rose again, resulting in a third smile from her. "It'll take a bit to get used to, but you will get used to it."
Ron gave a non-committal nod. He'd not expressed his uncertainty to Hermione since that one time two years ago — before she was even pregnant. How had he let this go on for that long? He should have made his decision back then, but something always seemed to come up. His injury against the Black Robes, losing their baby, then having Rose. He just always felt like he would be letting people down if he were to leave. And the question of what was he supposed to do instead always entered his mind.
There really was nothing else for him. He was overqualified for almost every other job now, and he'd lose a large chunk of his income doing almost anything else. Now that they had a baby, they needed every Galleon possible.
"I'm sure they won't give you too much work on your first day. Just a lot of catch-up and briefings," Hermione continued, mistaking his silence as worry.
"You don't know Robards like I do," Ron said, kissing Rose's forehead and reluctantly handing her back to Hermione. "He'll throw me right into everything with the expectation that I'm up to the task, lack of sleep not considered."
Hermione kissed him. "You'll be okay. Just think about coming home. And, please, actually make it home."
Ron smiled. "I doubt they'll put me in the field. Have any plans today?"
"We might go for a walk this morning. Then when she's sleeping, I might actually start preparing for me to go back to work."
"You still have six weeks left!" Ron protested.
Hermione smiled. "I know, but unlike you, I don't like leaving things to the last minute. There'll be a lot to catch up on."
"You're also supposed to be using this time to spend with our daughter," Ron reminded her.
"Which is why I said when she's asleep. And I don't mean I'm going to be at it all day, or exerting myself. I just might send in some memos, and get a rundown on what's happening."
"I'll check up on Malfoy for you," Ron assured her.
"That's not what I meant —"
"I'll still check in." He kissed her again. "Please don't do too much."
"I won't."
Ron lingered in the kitchen for a moment longer, watching his wife and daughter.
"Ron?"
Ron shook his head. "It's harder than I thought," he said, and he kissed Rose's forehead again, and gave Hermione another kiss. And before he could change his mind, he left them there and Floo'd to the Ministry, not at all happy about the bustling atrium he found himself stepping into.
As he stood by the grates, taking in the familiar, yet unfamiliar, sights, he couldn't help but wonder just how he'd ever thought that this was what he'd wanted. If he was being honest, the most exciting part of this career for him was getting offered a position in the Aurors. Training had been good, too, but it had basically ended there for him.
It was the title, he thought. The prestige and status that came with being an Auror. That had mattered to him when he was eighteen, the sixth child of Molly and Arthur Weasley and the new boyfriend of Hermione Granger. It had been important to be recognised, and acknowledged, for doing something worthwhile. Back then, he hadn't even considered that he'd receive an Order of Merlin, First Class award, or that his name would be in the history books for new Hogwarts students to learn about. Back then, he'd been lost, confused and traumatised from the war, and being offered a job in the Aurors had seemed like the perfect fix. He was doing exactly what he'd always dreamed of, not once thinking about the consequences of jumping straight into doing something his mind just wanted to simultaneously forget.
There were so many more important things than recognition for him now. Rose was the first that came to his mind. Maybe if he didn't have her to consider, he could stick it out. Maybe he could do what he'd always done when these thoughts had come to him and he'd brush them aside, convincing himself that this was what they needed. But he saw things differently now that she was in his life. He didn't care what others thought, whether he was successful; he just wanted to be a good dad to Rose and a good husband to Hermione, and make them both happy.
He had actually made the decision to go to Robards and give his notice — deal with Hermione's reaction when he returned home unexpectedly — when a hand clasped his shoulder.
He spun, coming face to face with a grinning Harry.
"Been so long you can't remember your way to the office, huh?" Harry said, laughing.
"What?" Ron questioned, coming to and realising he'd been standing there with what was probably a dumb expression on his face.
"You're just standing there, mate," Harry said. "It's tough coming back at first, isn't it? Rose keeping you up?"
Ron looked at Harry, taking in his best friend. Harry seemed to belong here, standing in his Auror robes. There were rumours spreading far and wide that Harry was Robards next in line to be Head, and if Kingsley had any sense, he'd do just that. Harry was made for a job like this; it was ingrained into him to protect others from the evils that were out there. In comparison, Ron felt like an imposter in his robes. Maybe he'd belonged once, but he knew that he didn't anymore and it was about time he actually said that out loud. He'd taken Hermione's advice — he'd given it time. But his feelings remained. They'd grown stronger, even. He couldn't pretend anymore.
Harry frowned. "She really not sleeping, huh?"
"Rosie's fine," Ron said. He ran his fingers through his hair. "She's great. That's the issue, really."
Harry's frown deepened. "I'm not following."
Ron nodded. "Fancy a small chat before we start?"
"Of course," Harry said, and he smiled. "You can tell me all about that amazing daughter of yours."
"It's not like you haven't met her," Ron said as they pushed their way through the workers to the lifts. "Let's go to the courtrooms. I can get into Hermione's private office down there."
"I know I've met her, but she's my niece and I'm interested since we last saw her. You and Hermione handling parenthood okay?"
Ron nodded. "Honestly, I feel as if it's something that I should have been doing years ago. It just feels…"
"Natural?" Harry finished. "Yeah, I've seen you. You seem pretty comfortable playing dad."
"Yeah. I dunno. Maybe it's the Weasley in me, but I just love every moment with her. It doesn't feel right being back here, being away from her."
"Worried Hermione won't do it right?" Harry teased as they stepped into the lift for the courtrooms.
Ron smiled, shaking his head. "She's nailing it. And she'll nail the work-life balance when it comes to it, too. As for me… I'm not sure I'm cut out for the whole working and being away from my kid aspect."
"It's really hard," Harry sympathised. "It took me months to get used to it, but you do adjust. And kids so young are incredibly resilient. Admittedly, Ginny is rostered to begin training for the Harpies again in April, so that'll be a challenge, but we have a plan. But I understand how hard it is to leave for the first time, not knowing what they're doing, if they're okay…"
The lift came to a grinding halt and Ron and Harry stepped out. Being early, there were hardly any people in the courtrooms. They walked in silence for the short trip to Hermione's office just off courtroom two. Ron used his wand to unlock the door, breaking her enchantments she hadn't even told Maia or Malfoy how to get past.
The office was small, but it was pristine. It was the place Hermione worked when she had back-to-back cases to handle on busy days. On most days, even Ron wasn't allowed in here unless it was to drag her away from her work.
Ron moved to her desk and sat down in the chair. Harry grabbed the only other one in the tiny space and sat on the other side. He looked at Ron sympathetically.
"I'm guessing all this is overwhelming. Being back here after being in such a nice little bubble with your new family. I experienced that, too."
Ron leant back in the chair. Harry was briefly aware of his dying interest in being an Auror, but he always got the sense that Harry didn't fully comprehend just how much he didn't like it anymore. Because of that, he'd not really spoken to Harry about it, nor had he spoken to Hermione, who also didn't get it. But if he didn't talk it through then he'd continue being stuck where he was with no way forward.
"You remember way back before Rosie was born and I said that I was considering maybe… leaving the Aurors?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah. How you weren't sure if it was for you anymore…"
"Well, being a parent really puts perspective in your life, as I'm sure you'd be aware of."
"Of course," Harry said slowly. "I'm not really liking where this is going. I'm getting the impression that this new perspective hasn't told you that you should stay here."
Ron shook his head, saying nothing.
Opposite him, Harry also leant back in his chair, sighing loudly. After a moment, he looked back at Ron and asked, "So, you're really going to leave?"
"I've been dreading it since she was born, but the moment I stepped out of the Floo, I just knew I didn't belong here anymore. I feel like an imposter wearing these robes. I keep thinking about how much I just want to be at home with my baby."
"No job's going to allow that, mate."
"Yeah… I know that. Which I think is why I've been here for as long as I have. There's nothing else I can do that I'm qualified for that will allow me to be with her and work. But I think I've just now reached a point where I no longer care. Being an Auror requires one hundred and ten percent and right now, I think I can only give eighty."
Harry stared thoughtfully for a moment at a spot on Hermione's empty desk. Then he said, "I'm not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?"
"Do you want to?" Ron asked. "Do you want to work with someone who's miserable the whole day?"
"I want to work with my best mate," Harry said. "This might sound cheesy, but coming into work every day and seeing you there is always a highlight. Before we had James, I didn't see my wife for weeks at a time. It got lonely, so seeing you and Hermione here each day… kind of made things easier."
"You'll still have Hermione," Ron said.
Harry laughed. "True. But it's not quite the same as having a laugh with you, is it? I don't share an office with Hermione, which I'm admittedly grateful for."
"That's my wife you're talking about."
Harry grinned. "But this isn't about me and I'll cope. I'd never ask you to stay in a job you're unhappy in just to entertain my sorry self when it's just me."
"Ginny won't be taking James to training, will she?" Ron said.
Harry nodded. "True, I suppose." There was a moment's silence before Harry spoke again. "So, when you leave, what will you do instead?"
Ron shook his head. "I just want to be a dad right now. I don't want to have to deal with anything else but Rosie. Then… when the time comes, I suppose I'll look for something less strenuous. Something where I can leave every day and know that I'll come back home without worrying if I'll die or get hurt."
Harry nodded. "So, a peaceful life?"
"Something like that."
Harry laughed.
"What?" Ron questioned.
"It's just… I was thinking about the day we met. On the train, we were eleven years old. My first impression of you was that I liked you very much, but I never would have put you as the person who sixteen years later would want to give up a successful career so he could spend more time with his baby daughter."
"Sixteen years ago I probably would have forgone the kids and dived head first into being an Auror," Ron admitted. "But… things change. I've changed, and that's not me anymore."
"You're a good dad, Ron, and I know how much you love Rose. I can't really argue against wanting to spend every moment you can with her. I just… I guess I just want to say… give it a day or two?"
"Thanks," Ron said, feeling a weight lift off his chest. "That means a lot. Thanks for understanding."
Harry nodded. "Of course. But…" He stood up. "Are you planning on quitting right now, or do you think you can manage another day with me?"
Ron also stood. "I think I can manage one more day," he said. "Besides, I've told Hermione none of this and I don't think she's going to take it as well as you have. After all, I'll be telling her that I'm quitting fifty percent of our income with a newborn to care for."
"She'll understand," Harry said.
"Have you met Hermione?" Ron asked, smiling. "She's more likely to kill me. But… at least I'll die knowing I made the right decision in the end."
"So, you're not saying anything today then?" Harry asked. "I mean to the others? Robards?"
Ron thought for a moment as they left the courtrooms. Before Harry had found him standing listlessly in the atrium, he'd been about to march to Robards' office and say he wasn't coming back again. But… he really should speak to Hermione first. Not to ask for her opinion, because his mind had been made up, but so she knew what was going through his head. So she understood why he had to do this. He couldn't very well quit and then come home and say he had no job anymore.
"Nah," he said eventually. "I guess I've just got to stick it out for a little longer before I'm gone completely. So, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone."
"Of course I won't," Harry said.
Their conversation changed to other things for the remainder of the journey to the Auror Office. Familiarity did return to Ron as they walked through the corridors, passing people he knew. In a way, Ron would miss the life he had led here for the past seven years. It had had its moments. There were many fond memories, most of which involved Harry and Dean and Neville and working with them. There was also having lunch with Hermione, going to her office in the afternoon to get her to come home.
But it all just kept coming back to Rose. Things needed to change because of her and being an Auror was something in the past for him.
"Hey, welcome back!" It was the first thing Ron heard upon setting foot in the Auror office again. It was Dean, clapping him on the back. "It feels like forever since I last saw you in here."
"Huh, yeah. It's because it has been," Ron answered, smiling at Dean.
"You look well," Dean then noted, looking Ron up and down. "Parenthood treating you well, then?"
"Yeah," Ron said. "It's great. I love it."
"Sleeping alright?"
"That's the hard part."
Ron was welcomed back by his other fellow Aurors, all approaching him within the first half hour and either congratulating him on having a baby or saying they were pleased to see him. By the time he sat down at his desk, which over the weeks had accumulated a nice pile of paperwork, he was feeling more appreciated than he'd ever felt.
It didn't feel as if his colleagues were just happy to see him because their workload had increased in his absence, but because they actually valued him being there. He thought back to all the rumours he'd caught wind of in his time here, how people talked about how he and Harry were some of the best Aurors they'd ever seen. He'd always dismissed them, thinking his involvement in the war had a lot to do with that image, but… maybe not. He really was decent at this job, he knew that. Even if he was qualified for another job, would he be as good at it? At the same time, none of it made him want to change his mind.
Robards was the only one who seemed indifferent to Ron's return. At nine on the dot, he marched into the office, calling a quick meeting.
"Over here, over here," he beckoned, drawing them over to where he was perched on his desk. His eyes fell on Ron and he nodded briefly. "Welcome back, Weasley. I trust you can join in and catch up?"
"Yeah," Ron answered. "I can follow."
Robards nodded again. "Good. Listen, Aurors, you'll be finding yourselves out of the office more this week. We are interviewing our imprisoned Black Robes again and I want all of you to take on at least one. There's more than enough of you to do that, so you'll each be given a time and person."
"We've interviewed them already," Dean interrupted, sounding almost annoyed at the prospect. "More than once. They're not speaking."
"Which is why we're planning to break them down," Robards said. "Bother them until one cracks. Spelled or not, they can be broken if the will is there." He waved his wand. "You'll each find your schedules on your desks. With the Magical Law office temporarily understaffed and… er… running less efficiently, we'll need to do some of it ourselves."
Ron looked at Harry who offered a guilty shrug. When they got back to their desks, Ron snatching up his weekly schedule, he said, "So, Malfoy's not pulling his weight then?"
"It's been a bit chaotic," Harry admitted. "He's technically in charge because Maia is under Hermione's wing. He's… well, he's not as efficient as Hermione is."
"You mean he's lazy?" Ron asked, feeling satisfaction settle inside him. "I take it you've deliberately kept this from Hermione?"
"What's the point in ruining her maternity leave time?" Harry said. "Besides, we're managing. Hermione's trained Maia well. She's doing fine."
"Stupid git," Ron muttered, finally looking at his schedule. He was rostered in for an interview on Wednesday, which was his last shift until Saturday. Well, that was something then. He got two days off with Rose.
"In all fairness," Harry continued, "I doubt anyone could be as efficient as Hermione."
"He's still a git," Ron said. He slid some pieces of parchment towards him, eyes scanning them briefly. He couldn't wait to be shot of this — pouring over report after report, rarely actually getting to use any exciting magic. He probably wouldn't get to use the spells in any other job either, but at least he wouldn't show up with the expectation each day and leaving disappointed.
Ron had to admit that the day went well considering. He got through the work, the knowledge that very soon he wouldn't be sitting here doing it anymore. In a way, it made things a whole lot easier and he couldn't help but laugh at the fact that had he attended work every day with the knowledge that it was one of his last, maybe he would have enjoyed it more.
He worked solidly until midday, when Harry said it was their break. Standing up, he admired that the pile on Ron's desk was a lot smaller than it had been three hours ago.
"Efficient," he said with an impressed nod.
"Yeah, well, can't leave you lot here with all the work, can I?" Ron joked, also getting up. "Though, a lot of it was just simple stuff. I haven't been here for six weeks, have I? Got no idea what's going on, really."
"Still," Harry said, "you'll be missed."
They began walking to the lunchroom, Ron, for the first time since he started training, feeling as if today was actually going to be a good day.
…
Despite the good day he did have, it didn't stop Ron from getting out of there the moment the large clock in the Auror office ticked over to five. He was stepping out of his fireplace by the time it was five-oh-five, hearing Hermione's voice from the kitchen.
"Hey," Hermione said when he came in. She left the pot on the stove to come over to kiss him.
Ron looked around in search of Rose, only to find her fast asleep in an unfamiliar bassinet that sat on the table.
He went over to peer into it.
"Oh, I bought that today," Hermione said. "You know, just so we aren't doing things one-handed. She loves it."
Ron smiled into the basket, watching for a moment the rise and fall of his daughter's chest, before turning back to his wife.
"How was your first day back?" Hermione asked brightly.
"Yeah, pretty good, actually," Ron said. "How was your first day alone with Rosie?"
"You know what?" Hermione said, "I thought it would be hard. I thought she might miss you, but we were fine. I ended up taking her into the city. We got the bus — I didn't really want to Apparate her just yet — and I bought the basket. We went out and about and… it was really fun."
Ron smiled. "That's great," he said. "I'm glad you had fun. I missed her a lot today. It was hard being away."
Hermione returned to the stove, peering into the saucepan before replacing the lid. "It'll get easier," she said. "But if it makes you feel better, I know she missed you, too."
"I'm glad." Ron came into the kitchen, leaning against one of the benches. He wasn't exactly sure how to bring his decision up with Hermione, but he knew it was something he had to do sooner rather than later. He'd already put it off for far too long and he wasn't going to do it anymore. "I came to a decision today," he said after a moment.
"A decision? About what?" Hermione frowned at him. "Work?"
"Yeah," Ron said. He bit his lower lip, searching for the words. "You know how a few years back, right when the Black Robes started and I got hurt and stuff?"
"Yes," Hermione said warily.
"And how I mentioned how I wasn't sure if being an Auror was something I wanted to do anymore?"
"Yes," Hermione said again. "But you got over that, didn't you? I mean… you've been really enjoying it, haven't you?" He heard the uncertainty in her voice, and he knew in that moment she was going to be disappointed in him.
Ron shrugged. "It has been convenient ever since then," he said, "but I've not really enjoyed it for many years."
"What? But Ron… you've always wanted to —"
"Yeah, I know, it's what I've always wanted to do," Ron said. "And I've done it. Today when I was there, I hated it. I hated being away from Rose. I made the decision to leave the Aurors."
Hermione said nothing. For the longest moment, she simply stared at him, her expression unreadable. Ron had known this would be hard for her to process, and telling her like this probably wasn't the best way to do it. The timing was probably wrong, too, but the timing had always been wrong. He needed to do it.
Eventually, she spoke. Her voice was barely audible. "You what?"
"I'm quitting," Ron said. "I want to be here with Rosie. I want to be her dad, not someone who goes off doing dangerous things every day, not knowing whether I'll ever get to see her again. Being an Auror is dangerous and I'd much rather come home every day to see her and you than dealing with Dark Wizards."
Hermione opened her mouth but no sound came out. From the table, Rose whimpered and shifted, but didn't wake.
Eventually, she spoke. "Ron, you can't just —"
"I'm doing it," Ron said, his voice firm. "I know it's not what you expected, or want, but it's how I feel. I feel miserable going in every day. I get no enjoyment from doing any of the work anymore. It's not what I thought it would be. There's no fulfillment in it anymore." He glanced over at his sleeping daughter. "But there's a lot with her."
"So, you're just going to stay at home, then?" Hermione questioned, and he heard a hint of anger in the way she spoke. "Stay at home with Rose each day?"
"I hope to find another job eventually," Ron said. "One that's not as dangerous. But for now…" He looked over at his sleeping daughter. "For now, yeah, I just want to be here with her. You go back to work in six weeks and you were worrying about care for her. Well, now you don't have to."
Hermione shook her head. "That's not the solution I wanted, Ron," she said. "I'm actually really upset about this. That you made this decision without even talking to me about it."
Ron nodded. "Yeah, I know. I'm —"
"You just made the decision without even discussing it!" Hermione continued. "You just went in today and decided you'd had enough, so you quit without any worry about how we're going to handle this?"
"It's not like that," Ron said. "You know I was thinking about it —"
"Two years ago!" Hermione cried. "More than two years ago. Between then and now, you never said a word. Nothing that indicated you were unhappy. And now… now you just come home and tell me you're quitting without any backup plan?"
"Hermione —"
"No, Ron," Hermione said, "This isn't okay. We just had a baby. We have a house, we have food to get, bills to pay… what I earn can't cover all of that."
Ron rubbed his face with his hands. He'd known she'd be upset, but he'd hoped that if he explained that he wasn't happy, then she'd understand and be supportive. But he had kind of sprung it on her out of the blue. He might have been feeling this for years, but she was right when she said he hadn't spoken about it to her since the first time. He'd kept it to himself, going over and over the pros and cons of it all in his head, but never out loud.
"I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "I know this is a lot to take in. That it's a shock. It's just… when I got there today, all that backwards and forwards I was doing with myself, all that questioning, I just found the answer I was looking for."
Hermione seemed to relax a little, taking a few deep breaths before she spoke again. "Ron," she said gently, "I know you were struggling to leave Rose today. I know you love being with her, but you can't just quit your job because you miss her. It's… not how it works."
"She's not the reason I'm leaving," Ron said. "She's just the deciding factor. I don't want a job that could risk me not coming home to her one day." He thought for a moment. "Listen, I haven't actually quit. I just made the decision to do it. I'm still going to go in tomorrow, and the day after. I'll stay until something else comes up. Something that's better for us."
"This is perfect for us," Hermione said quietly. "It always has been. It's worked."
"It doesn't work anymore. Not for me." He looked at Hermione, who now seemed torn between sympathising with him and being furious with him. "Hermione, I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm unhappy there and because of that, I can't do the job that's required of me. Not to my best ability anymore. It's been great, it really has, but there's a job that I love more now and that's being a dad. For me, I can't give one hundred percent to both, so I choose Rosie."
"She doesn't bring us money," Hermione said.
"Yeah, I know. She brings us a lot more important things."
Hermione glared up at him, and she must have seen something in his expression, because her expression softened. "You're really that unhappy being an Auror?"
He nodded. "I am."
"You should have said something sooner."
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I just… it was just hard to make the decision to finally do it. I know that whatever I do, I won't earn as much as I am now and that's kept me from doing it sooner."
Hermione's eyes flickered to Rose again, who remained asleep, blissfully unaware of the changes that were about to befall her. She looked back up at Ron again. To his surprise, she smiled. "I suppose I can't be too angry over you wanting to spend more time with her. I just… I just don't know what we're supposed to do in the meantime."
Ron reached out and tugged her arm, drawing her towards him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. "We'll think of something," he promised. "All I know is that you and Rosie — my family — are the most important people in my life and I want to do what's best for all of us. I know you'll handle it all so well. You're a great mum, a great wife and you're a great Head of office. You'll move further and further up at the Ministry and I'll be there to support you in every step. Meanwhile, I'm more than happy to take a step back so you don't have to worry about her."
Hermione sighed. "It will make caring for Rose a lot easier," she conceded.
"Mhm."
"And you're absolutely certain you don't want to be an Auror anymore?"
"The only thing I was more sure of was marrying you," Ron replied. "We're a team, and this is what I need to do to make it work. And I'm completely okay with this decision."
"Alright," Hermione said after a moment. "I suppose I understand."
"Thank you." He kissed her again, and it was only then that he realised it was probably the most he'd kissed her since Rose was born. She always seemed to be in one or the other's arms that they had barely touched each other in six weeks.
After a moment, he pulled away. Rose's cries quickly filled the kitchen and they smiled at each other.
"I've got her," Ron said. And he went over to the basket, picking up his now-wailing daughter.
I hope you all liked this chapter! Thanks for reading :)
