Chapter 5

Sailor laid on the couch….it was a pull-out bed…sleeping soundly. The medicine had helped her sleep soundly without any nightmares because she was sleeping heavily. Sailor slept, soundly as she glanced around her. When she did wake up, she saw the darkness outside…and the black that surrounded it. Still, it didn't perturb her in any way. When she felt fit to do so, she drank some more Oat Milk, turning on the T.V. to see the late news, and the channel with the most items being displayed at 5 am. Sailor heard coughing in the night, as she turned towards the darkness of the stairs to see whom it was. I emerged from the stairs, coughing in order to recover some mucus from my brittle lungs. Smoking will do that to a person. As I emerged into the hallway, and living room, I saw Sailor, sitting up in her bed.

"Sweetie". I said, kindly with gentleness. Sailor looked at me, with sad eyes. "Is everything alright, darling?". "Tell me what's wrong". I said, kindly with a gentle whisper. Sailor held her Oat Milk close, as she looked up at me. "Nothing's wrong….I just…can't sleep". Sailor said. "What happened, baby?". "Do you need me to rub your tummy, or give you some sleeping medicine to help you?". I asked, kindly with softness. "I don't think so….I don't know". Sailor said. "I know right now is a hard time to sleep….with the intensity of the grieving process". "I assure you, things will better themselves as time goes on". "Don't be scared, honey". "Be open, and know that I'm always beside you". I said, kindly with softness. Sailor nodded. "Thank you….it's been kind of hard this past year". "Thank you for trying, though".

"Of course, darling". "My love for us….my love for you is ingratiating, and forever". "I will always love you". I said, in a kind whisper. "It definitely is ingratiating". Sailor said. "The way I feel….it certainly is". I whispered, gently. Sailor and I shared a laugh, as she laid down, feeling the gentle massage of my hands while I rubbed some more vapor rub on her chest. Sailor was in a good place…and I knew she'd be alright….if love was something strong enough to save us both. In which case, it did. Sailor went back to sleep, as I comforted her….allowing myself enough time to go back upstairs, and sleep. I invited her to walk with me upstairs to her trundle bed. She slept comfortably. We both had a magnificent time.

Sailor woke up the next morning, while she sat down to breakfast. I spoonfed her some yogurt, letting her lick the spoon, and have as much Oat Milk as she wished. "Very lovely, my friend". "We had a delightful meal, it seemed". I said, kindly. While Sailor ate the last bit of her yogurt, I kissed her forehead. "You did so well keeping up with your antibiotics, sweetie". "I'm so proud of you". I said, kindly with softness. "Thank you". Sailor said. I smiled a kind smile, washing my dishes. "How are you feeling today, darling?". "Is your eye doing a bit better?". I asked, kindly with gentleness. "My eyes are doing well….they're beginning to open up kind of". Sailor said.

"They look a lot better than they did". I said, kindly with softness. "They look as if they're healing quite quickly".

"They kind of are". Sailor said. "My eyes don't itch as much anymore, either".

"Your eyes look good, sweet pea". I said, gently.

Sailor nodded as she glanced around, drinking more of her Oat Milk. "I'm happy you're doing well, darling because I have a special surprise for you". I said, kindly with some allure to my voice. "Really…?". "That sounds nice". Sailor said. "Perhaps you and I would like to vacation on the oceanside this coming weekend?". "We'll drink frozen lemonades, and see the way people wear their crop tops, and bikinis". "It'll be so amazing". I said, gently. "That sounds great". Sailor said. Sailor and I shared a hug in that moment, "That's it darling". "We can take a trip to the oceanside". "If we wish to". I said, kindly. Sailor nodded. "Ok". Sailor said. "Let's go darling….I have your bag packed, my love". I said, gently with kindness. I winked a bit, as I smiled a gentle smile. Sailor nodded as she looked up at me. I could tell Sailor was in a good place now that her eyes were better.

"That sounds good". Sailor said. We both laughed as I opened my arms for a hug. Sailor knew this would be a good time. We got into the car, as I gave Sailor a neck pillow, and some of her Oat Milk. She looked so cute, my darling. ;).

As Sailor sat in the car, she looked outside at the palm trees, and the different grains of sand that seemed to surround the terrain. "How are you this morning, darling?". "Is everything going well?". I asked, kindly with gentleness. "Everything is going well". Sailor said. "I didn't have any nightmares or anything….but sleeping is still kind of hard".

"Sleeping can be arduous if need be". I said, kindly. "I've lost sleep on occasion at times". "It is something that I've contended with, but it still is hard". I lit a cigarette for the car.

"When I lost my late wife, it was something that was hard to come by". I said, gently. "I remember having many a sleepless night". "I remember having a lot of hard times to overcome". I smoked my cigarette. "How did you lose your late wife again?". Sailor asked. "I lost her to cancer a bit ago". "She was doing well for a long time…then her health deteriorated". I said, kindly with gentleness. "I loved my late wife…she was someone who might have been abrasive, ebullient, forthcoming….but she was a wonderful woman". "I loved her, deeply".

"Why did you decide to start dating again?". Sailor asked, as she looked up at me. "I decided to date because I felt lonely for a long time, and Nazz is someone I feel most comfortable with, romantically, and in terms of a partner". I said, kindly. "I love Nazz deeply and she is someone I am glad to find romance and lovingness with". "She is someone I feel indebted to…and she feels indebted to me as well….which is nice".

Sailor nodded, as she looked out of the window. "Is it hard being widowed?". Sailor asked. "Sometimes, being a widower has its painful moments at first…..especially when the person I've lost is someone I have committed my life to after we exchanged vows". "I knew from the very beginning that my late wife was someone I would spend the rest of my life with, and be committed to, even while we spent the rest of our lives together". "But perhaps life has its own prophecies". "I am a nice widower who does love keeping things interesting, and keeping my friends close". "I believe in friendship, and love….patience and kindness over hatred, and resentment". "While being widowed has its hardships, I love being optimistic, and hopeful for the future". "I'm a loving widower who believes in second chances, and hope". I said, kindly.

"I guess". Sailor said. "What about Nazz…was she married once before?".

"She is widowed as well". I said, kindly with gentleness. "She lost her husband in combat". "But she's survived well into her essences". "She has a great job, she makes money, she's in a good place financially". "But I know she misses her late husband". "It's something we've bonded well over". "I know we can never replace one another's spouses, but we're still close".

"Everything is ok, sweet pea". "Nazz does have to work late in the emergency unit this week…which leaves us to vacation in prosperity". I said, kindly with softness. Sailor nodded. "We'll have a luxurious time". I said, gently, smiling a kind smile. Sailor nodded. I could see that there was sadness in her eyes. "Is everything ok, darling?". "You seem very pensive this afternoon". I said, gently. "I'm alright". Sailor said, quietly. I smiled a kind smile, taking her hand. "What happened, darling?". "You look saddened, baby". I said, kindly with softness.

"I'm not doing well right now". Sailor said, sniffling. "What seems to be the trouble darling?". I asked, gently with kindness. "I just….I want my parents right now….I want my sister….I don't know….this year will be hard without them". Sailor said, sadly. "The pain is still fresh in your mind….it's still a difficult thing to contend with…I understand". I said, in a kind whisper. "I felt the same way after my wife died…I know how much it hurts, unfortunately".

"But I can promise you, as time goes on, things will better themselves". "Things will come to their fruition as time makes its motions". "We both will practice optimism, we'll continue talking, and we'll continue to have hope, my love". I said, kindly with softness. "There's nothing to worry about, now". "Our luxury resort has silk sheets, with a silk comforter, there's chocolate covered strawberries, some Oat Milk with chocolate drizzle, some champagne juice, and our own cabana boy". "We have everything to our disposal….and everything is ours, my love". I smiled a gentle smile, focusing on turning into the driveway for our beach house. "We have nothing to worry about….because we are in a peaceful time". I said, gently. Sailor nodded. "I guess we are". Sailor said. "There's nothing to worry of, darling". "I ordered us a cheesecake as well". I said, kindly. "Cheesecake is good". Sailor said. It had been a while since I smoked my last cigarette, (we've been traveling for a while) and I was craving another one.

"That, and I have silk pajamas, and silk boxers I could wear". "Mm, I love silk boxers….they keep everything warm". I said, with some dreamy allure to my gentle voice. Sailor and I shared a laugh. "But I have a beautiful nightgown you could wear, too". "I got you some new nightgowns, darling". I said, kindly. "That's nice". Sailor said. "Do you still have my old ones…that my mom gave me?".

"Of course, sweet pea". "I made some adjustments to them….just so they could be more comfortable for you". "That, and I got you a new blanket for this trip". "I hope it's not too overwhelming for you…but I hoped you'd feel comfortable with it". I said, gently with kindness. "It's not too overwhelming". "I like it a lot". Sailor said. "I perhaps knew you would, darling". I said, gently with softness. We both shared a laugh in that moment.

When we pulled into the driveway, I was sure to park the car in the right spot a bit to the edge of the driveway. It was in a good place nonetheless. We parked it, and got out in order to settle into our living arrangements for the trip. While I brought both of our bags in, I felt more and more of my breathing becoming strained due to cigarettes. Smoking does take the energy, and the vitality away it seems.

"Well, we're here, it seems". "It truly does look lovely, doesn't it?". I said, kindly with gentleness. We both walked into our vacation home to find a white leather couch, stainless steel appliances, and a nice sofa bed. "This is nice". Sailor said, as she came in. "I'm happy you like it just as much as I do". "I thought I chose wisely". I said, kindly. Sailor and I shared a laugh. "You did". Sailor said.

"Come take a look outside, there is a lot of luxury out on our private patio". I said, gently with softness. Sailor and I took a look outside, seeing the pool, as well as the hot tub that surrounded it. "This looks very nice". Sailor said. "Indeed, it does". "It's a wonderful aspect of our luxuries". I said, gently with kindness. Sailor nodded.

"I'm happy you like it, darling". "I thought we could use this as one of our main getaways". I said, gently. I smiled a kind smile. "There's some cheesecake in the fridge that's utilized as our welcome present". I said, kindly. "Is it just regular cheesecake, or blueberry?". Sailor asked. "It is a chocolate cheesecake with raspberries on top". "That, and I have some raspberry pudding". I said, gently. "That sounds nice, too". Sailor said. "Well, there are a lot of nice things at this resort". "I never expected them to have this many". I said, kindly with softness. "Me neither". Sailor said. "But it is nice, nonetheless". I said, gently with softness.

"Would you be flummoxed at chocolate cheesecake for dinner?". I asked, gently with softness. "I wouldn't be, to be honest". Sailor said. She and I laughed.

"This one is very nice". "I love it, truly". "My late wife and I used to cook every now and again, and with our home cooked meals, we'd make cheesecake, along with Baklava pudding". I said, kindly. "That, and with our desserts, we'd make breaded pork chops, rice with ginger sauce, and a red pasty curry sauce that would go over our pork chops". "We made those on weeknights, or at times when our parents would stop by for Sunday dinners". I said, kindly with softness, as I took some cheesecake from the fridge.

"What else did you make?". Sailor asked, as I opened the fridge. "We'd make chicken patties, we'd have pasta frijole, we'd have stir fry, and eggplant parmesan". "We had a plethora of items we'd make, and each one tasted delicious". I said, kindly. "We both cooked in the kitchen together, it was a wonderful bonding experience we shared". ``That, and my late wife taught me how to cook at first". "She was a master chef".

Sailor nodded. "What was your favorite?".Sailor asked. "I would say my favorite was the pasta frijole". "I made that with love, care, and tenderness". "We both enjoyed that a lot". I said, kindly.

"I loved my meals that I made with my late wife". "We had a wonderful time making them, and splitting them amongst ourselves". "We felt wondrous to do so". I said, kindly. "That's good". Sailor replied.

"My late wife was an excellent cook…amongst many other things….she was also an excellent seamstress, and was able to knit, and sew quite a bit". I said, kindly with gentleness. "That's nice". Sailor replied.

"What was your late wife's name?". Sailor asked, as we took our cheesecake outside to the porch, our spoons clinking against the plates as we ate. "Her name was Michelle". I said, kindly with softness, as I dug my spoon against the curve of the cheesecake, cutting down to pick up a nice bite. "She was blonde…sort of like Nazz…yet she was very short, and stout". "I remember she always loved to talk". "She would talk your ear off if she could, and if she had the opportunity to". "While she was very talkative, she was very abrasive as well". "She did have her moments where she screamed and yelled….where she did throw things, and become angry, but at the end of the day, she was a protector". "She and I loved one another very much". I explained, softly with kindness. "My best memory with her, was when we were still dating, she and I were on a fishing trip….she was bored by where I had parked the boat, and I had no idea the fishing boat had a motor, so she turned on the motor, I fell out of the back, and she screamed, howling in laughter". "I was all wet, and laughing hysterically, but it was the most fun date we've ever been on". "I loved my Michelle….I remember telling her every night before we went to bed, how much I loved her, and how much I truly cared for her". "She was the woman I needed in my time of despair, and I like to think the world gave her to me as a reward for being a modest man". "I received her, much like the deserts received their rainfall, and I continued to love her, even though she is in heaven now". "I like to think I'm starting over, and being optimistic with Nazz, but no one can replace my wife". "No one can replace our memories, or what we had". "She will forever be beside me….because she's the one I'm forever committed to, til death do us part…and I know I'll see her in heaven one day". I said, kindly with softness. "Just like how no one can replace my family….my sister, and my parents….?". Sailor said.

"Yes, that's exactly it". I said, gently with kind softness. "No one can replace what our loved ones had….specifically for us". "Our loved ones created opportunities just for us".

"I know you miss your family….but know that nothing can erase, or replace your memories with them". "They are yours to hold in your heart forever". "Know that one day, you'll be reunited with them….just as I was reunited with my Michelle". "or….I will be reunited with her". I said, kindly with softness.

"Sometimes, the family we love, the family we're adopted into, is the family we keep for a lifetime". "You were adopted by your parents….you were rescued….because you needed a home…because you needed a family with truth after birth mom passed". I whispered, kindly. "I guess I was". Sailor said. "But what really makes me thankful is how much love, and respect my parents had for me". "They knew that I was adopted….and they worked with me to help me find my place in the world, and help me learn better, and connect better with others". "They helped me see that just because I was adopted, doesn't mean I don't have a place in the world". "I have a family, and my family is comprised of people who help me see past who the others expect me to be, and help me to see the person I can become". "I am truly grateful because I have an amazing family who always loves me".

I smiled a kind smile upon hearing this. "That was beautifully said, darling". I said, kindly with softness. "I'm happy you've always felt that way about your parents….I know they meant a lot to you earlier on". "I think….personally….that adoption is special because we are chosen…specifically to fulfill the lives of the family that wants us". "Whether it be miscarriage, or altruism, whatever it is….parents choose to adopt because they need fulfilled". "Because they see a waiting child they know can be theirs". "You were chosen by mom and dad to give them a world they've always been waiting for". "You gave them everything". I said this with softness behind my voice. "I guess I did, if I think about it". Sailor said.

"But I'm happy that I did, because it was a childhood I'll always be proud of". Sailor said. We both shared a smile. "I used to think highly of my parents before they passed on, too". "They were wonderful people I was happy to have nurtured me, taught me, and given me the world". "Parents have been, and always will be, a blessing to their children". "The bond between a parent and their children is the strongest bond on planet Earth". "There is a relationship full of nurturing, feeding, and patience". "One learns from the other, and sometimes….it can be the other way around". "But when it is, we are thankful because it means a lot to us". "The world is filled with poignant people, creatures, and things that create miracles everyday that make the experience of living worthwhile". "Parents only create the foresight that makes it possible". I said, kindly with softness as I ate my cheesecake.

"Why do parents fight with their kids…and scream and argue?". Sailor asked. "Sometimes, there can be disagreements, and sometimes, learning can be a strenuous process, but everyone who shares a loving bond with one another has those moments". "I've had those moments with my parents, and I'm sure you have as well". I said, kindly with softness. "I remember being so mad at my parents one time because I didn't get ice cream one night, that I slammed my door, and stuck my tongue out". "I look back on it now, and I know ice cream isn't as fulfilling as a paycheck, or a house, or a wife, but I know that even in relationships, there will be anger, there will be resentment, anger is real, family is real, love is real, and there's nothing more fulfilling than that".

"The ones who love you most, will be the ones you fight with the most". "Isn't it weird how that works out?". I said, gently. "That is weird". Sailor said, as we both laughed. "But I know now that being with my family means love, anger, and unconditional acceptance". "It means that no matter what, we're still related, and our love is endless". I said, kindly with softness. "But I'm sure you love your family unconditionally".

"I do". Sailor said. "I will always love them….no matter where they are".

"So do I". I said, kindly. "I love my family, too". We both shared a smile. Sailor ate her cheesecake, drinking her Oat Milk. "what was life like when you were little?". Sailor asked. "When I was young, we had a lot of technology that was up and coming". "We had computers, we had VHS players, we had arcade games…so many things". I said, softly with kindness. "I grew up in the late 80's, so we had a lot of good things". "I liked the 1990's the best, though". "They were filled with a lot of confluence in art style, music, culture, and affluence". "Of course, I grew up in an upper class family, so there was a lot for education, technology, jobs, pretty much everything". "I was always an academic…so I focused a lot on schooling, and studying…but I've always loved learning". "Learning was a favored activity of mine, and I loved the rigorous aspects of studying extensively". "I wouldn't have it any other way". "I think my intelligence quotient tested at 159, or 160". I said, gently.

"That's pretty high". Sailor said. "It is, but I'm not someone that goes around bragging or flaunting my intellect". "That is very shallow, and selfish". "Instead, what I try to do is, help others and use my gifts to express myself creatively". "There's nothing wrong with being altruistic, and helping others rather than hurting them". "Selfish people put others down, true intelligence falls within the emotional mindset". "If I'm emotionally intelligent, I put others first". I said, kindly. "That is true….and that's nice….but it makes me wonder sometimes…and think". Sailor said.

"What did it make you think of, darling?". I asked, softly with gentleness. "I guess….it makes me wonder….why would someone as smart as you….with all of your job opportunities, and learning experiences…all of your academic accolades, want to help someone like me…who's an orphan, and is kind of homeless, and just…wandering in life". "I kind of feel intimidated by you…because you're so successful". "I guess…I guess it's odd because…you chose to help me….even when you have the full opportunity to forget about me, and give up on me". Sailor said.

"Well, I don't see myself as more successful than anyone else". I said, kindly with softness. "I was struggling for a while, too". "My wife died right when I was about to get my fourth degree". "I had a hard time, too, and I was wandering for a bit as well". "What makes our relationship so special is that you and I are survivors". "We've lost people that were important to us, and we've created a special bond because of it". "We both love each other so much…and we need each other more than each of us know". "You and I were made to be together…and the Lord sees past intelligence, and success, he sees a bond that is unbreakable". "We both need one another….like the fields need the rain".

Sailor nodded. "I guess we do". Sailor glanced around at the free-moving air, and the breeze that came over the porch. "You and I need one another….you and I will always love one another….because our bond is so strong". I said, kindly with softness. "That is true". Sailor said. "But I am curious….how would someone of your intelligence level do with a handicapped individual, or someone with special needs?". "Would you be cruel to them….would you openly bully them?". "I'm just curious because….intelligence is not always wisdom".

"That's very lovely and insightful of you to say that". I said, kindly with softness. "In actuality, I do think everyone has an equal opportunity of success". "I know everyone is different, but I'm a big advocate of equal opportunity, and kindness towards everyone". "We were all made to share this planet, and we should all be a little more caring towards one another because of it". "We all need opportunities….and to get them, we need kindness rather than small mindedness".

"I would be helpful and accepting towards them". "I know they have their differences, and they've struggled through quite a bit….no one asks to be born with a disability". "I know they're trying their best". "For anyone with a rough infancy, I know they'll be ok, because they have families who have adopted them, and who love them". "No one asks for a hard life, but it just happens". "And we have to be mindful that we're being as patient as we can be with them". I said, kindly with softness. "As long as we have patience and understanding, we can be fruitful towards others".

"That is true". Sailor said. "It is true, and it is correct". "We all need understanding". I said, softly with gentleness. I smoked my cigarette. "We need to be a little careful towards the ones who are most vulnerable". I let the cloud of smoke surround me. "We do". Sailor said. I smiled a kind smile, blowing out cigarette smoke. "Don't be sad, darling". 'Be happy that we live in a kind enough world that we accept everyone". I said, kindly with softness. "I am happy….that you are accepting". Sailor said. "I am very accepting, and I know the world needs to be as accepting as us". I said, kindly. "They do need to be….and I find the smarter a person is, the wiser they are".

"That is true". I said, kindly. Sailor and I shared a smile. "We both are wise, it seems". She and I laughed. I put out the stub of my cigarette in the ashtray. "Hmm, look at the ambiance of the pool". "It looks so majestic". I said, kindly with a dreamy softness. Indeed, the pool was glowing a sky blue color against a white. "Would you like to come in with me?". I asked, gently with softness. "I…I…I guess". Sailor said. I did have my shirt off at this point. Sailor, in her bathing suit, came in, feeling the warmth of the pool. We both laughed and smiled. I spun her around a few times. We both felt enlightened. The pool, along with a floating plate of chocolate covered strawberries, was of its deliciousness.

Sailor and I enjoyed our time in the pool, only getting out when we felt it too tiring to swim. "Well, darling…that was lovely, wasn't it?". I said, kindly with softness, as Sailor came from the shower. "It was". Sailor said. "By the way, what are you wearing?".

"I'm just wearing some silk pajamas, with silk boxers". "It's my favorite thing to wear". I said, kindly with softness. *

"I'm very pleased to see you, darling". "Everything seems to be going swimmingly". I said, kindly. "It is". Sailor said. "The pajamas look good".

"I'm happy you like them darling". I said, kindly. "I love them too".

Sailor came in, as she looked around. "Want to join me for another cigarette?". I asked, kindly with softness. "Perhaps so". Sailor said. I smiled a kind smile. "My cigarette box is mixed up with the other things on the table, but I found it just in time". "I figured we might have a lovely evening…so it seems just proper to have the cigarette box nearby in case we have another cigarette". I said, kindly. "In that case, I have plenty". Sailor and I shared a laugh. "I guess". Sailor said. I smiled a kind smile. "I made some creme brulee if you would like some". "That, and I have some Rice and chicken marsala if you would like some". I said, kindly with gentleness. "That sounds good". Sailor said. Sailor went off to the side, as she got a plate from the cupboard. "How was your bath, darling?". "Was it everything you were hoping for?". I asked, gently with softness. "It was everything nice". Sailor said. Sailor glanced off to the side as she put some creme brulee on her plate. "Is everything alright, darling?". "You seem very pensive this evening". "I hope everything is alright". I said, kindly with softness. "No, everything is ok". Sailor said, as she glanced away.

"I'm sure it is….but know that if you ever need counsel, or someone to speak to, I'm beside you the whole way". I said, kindly with softness. "I love you, deeply". I smiled a kind smile as I gathered my cigarette box. Sailor still stayed silent as she took her plate with dessert outside. I wasn't too sure what was upsetting her. Something was upsetting her, however. "Darling….". I said, kindly with softness. Sailor glanced up at me, as she kept her tears inside. Perhaps the grief that was bothering her, could be replaced with openness, peace, and comfort. Still, she was in a good place, nonetheless. She knew she was happiest when she talked with someone.

"It is a beautiful evening, isn't it?". "The sky has a wonderful indigo lusciousness". I said, gently with soft warmth. "It is nice….I guess". Sailor said. "The sky is pretty….but the clouds are nice".

"In many ways they are". I said, kindly. "The sky is a beautiful place filled with unique motions and movements alike". "It is a palace of beauty and radiance alike".

Sailor smiled as she glanced up at me. "Perhaps it seems so". Sailor said. I could tell Sailor was pensive in her voice, and in her conversations. But she kept her faith close. In such, I was going to be her sounding board…which made for even more relaxation