King Bowser Koopa sat on his throne, letting out a hefty sigh. He was bored, exhausted, and since Larry spiked his drink with Mini Mushrooms he couldn't even jerk off to pass the time. Peach was off with Mario doing whatever-the-fuck at Isle Delfino, but he didn't feel like kidnapping her since that two-timing bitch rejected his marriage proposal when he showed up at her door drunk and toting a box of used condoms. Whatever. He'd sent his dumbass kids to military school because of the aforementioned drink incident so at least he had some peace and quiet. He decided to call up his buddy King Boo to see if he wanted to go out. With some growling and cursing at the infinitesimally tiny phone screen, he managed to dial the number and hit "call".

"Bowser, my man," King Boo slurred. "You called at a bad time."

"Hey Boo, I called to see if you wanted to meet u-goddammit, are you shit-faced already?!"

"No, no, no," the Boo drawled. "I just had a beer…or twelve...I hooked up with this Sky Land trick after she got caught cheating on her husband during their daughter's eighteenth birthday. She asked me to come to her house and I said hell yeah and we went to her room and she took all her clothes off and I said if you were a cloud you would be a-"

"I don't wanna hear it," Bowser growled. "I'm going to the new bar by the shore and I called to see if you'd come. I haven't gotten any in years and I'm looking for some fine Koopa ass in which to plant my fertile seed. You in?"

"I'll be there, man. I'm hitching a ride with Kooper because the bitch caught me going down on her daughter on her dining-room table. How was I supposed to know she was still seventeen?"

"I…what?" Bowser said. "Never mind, I'll be there at three. If you get the cops called again I'm kicking your ass into next year."

At precisely two-fifty nine a.m., Bowser pulled his Badwagon into the bar's parking lot. He double-parked in a handicapped spot and threw open the door, causing the sinful patrons to repent and the religious ones to jump out the nearest window. After trying and failing to get comfortable on the Koopa Troopa-sized bar stools, he ordered a pint of Koopale and waited for his undead friend.

"Hey," a voice said.

"Um…hi," Bowser replied, turning his head but being unable to discern the source of the voice.

"What brings a handsome Koopa like yourself around these parts," the voice purred. Disembodied voices creeped Bowser out. Why couldn't they show themselves like normal people? "Just hanging around," Bowser replied. The voice slowly revealed itself in the form of a feminine-looking ghost.

"FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK?!" Bowser roared as he nearly tumbled out of his seat. The ghost giggled at his apparent fright. "Don't be frightened, hon, I'm just here to have a good time…and find myself a good man…"

Shit! Bowser thought as he slowly scooted away. He may have been friends with Boos but that didn't mean he wanted to get familiar with one. The last time he tried "experimenting" he woke up in the Dark Forest shell-less with his dick resembling a diced-up sausage. He didn't know how Boo sex worked but he didn't exactly feel like calling King Boo to ask. The guy had more experience than a Pipe Land hooker and wasn't shy about relaying his experiences in the greatest possible detail.

Speaking of King Boo, he was extremely late. For once in his life Bowser would have been glad to see his drunk ass. As the Boo came forward, Bowser stepped back. His pace quickened to a run, crashing through the bar door and hauling ass back home.

"Hahaha! Eat shit, ghost girl!" Bowser laughed uproariously. Cruising down the highway doing eighty in a forty-five, he slumped back into his seat and released a healthy belch. He'd have to call his kids later to see how they were doing. He always liked them better when they weren't running around, throwing hammers and burning down his personal airships.

His phone rang. After more growling and cursing he answered the call only to be greeted with a low, echoing voice he knew too well.

"Bowser, where were you man? I thought we were gonna meet up at three."

"Your stupid ass never showed up! I had to bounce because this Boo was hitting on me and it creeped me to shit. I may be horny but I am never in my goddamn life DOING IT WITH A FUCKING GHOST!"

"Oh, you mean my sister? I sent her here because I thought you were lonely and I wanted you to meet her. Try a little of everything, am I right?"

Bowser's eye twitched.

"Your…sister?"

"Yeah man, she's with me right now. Say hi, Booletta!"

A seductive-sounding voice filled the phone.

"Hey big boy, did I scare you? Wanna come back for round two?"

Bowser dropped the phone and roared to the skies.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"