Chapter 11
Sailor and I slept for a long time. We perhaps didn't wake up until that night. Darkness with tints of red in the sky marked the clouds as the night crept in…crept to bed. Maybe somewhere, an army of people were waking up…but….it was still a sleepy time.
Sailor woke up from a pleasant dream as she saw me beside her….snuggling close to her….hugging her from behind. Still, Sailor slept. As she woke up, she felt thirsty…time for some more milk. She got out of bed, going into the kitchen…where she found the Oat Milk in the fridge. My baby, coochie, doppy Sailor looked her most vulnerable as she looked upwards…trying to decide whether or not she could use a glass or her sippy cup.
She was distracted by something outside….the smell of cigarette smoke…and the friendly glow of the dim light. Going outside, she saw Ed smoking his cigarette as he was shirtless. "Um….um….Ed…". Sailor said, as she was a bit fragile….a bit disoriented from sleep. "Hey, Sailboat". Ed said, kindly with a tired, gentle, casual, laid-back friendliness about him. "How are you, cutie bootie?". Ed smiled a friendly, gentle smile as his muscular chest was revealed in the glow of the darkness.
"Good". Sailor said. Sailor was wrapped in her swaddle still, as she looked up at Ed. "You look beautiful, baby". Ed said, kindly. "Thank you". Sailor said. "Would you like some milk, coochie?". "Let's get your milk filled up, there cutie". Ed said, gently as he smiled a cool, casual smile. He made a peace sign as well. "Ok". Sailor said. Ed smiled as he came inside and refilled Sailor's sippy cup. "Love you, cutie". Ed said, kindly. Sailor nodded as she watched Ed refill her sippy cup with the appropriate Oat Milk.
"How've you been, baby?". Ed asked, kindly. "I'm pretty good as of now". Sailor said. "I slept for a long time…but everything's good".
Ed nodded, kindly. "You are so beautiful, coochie". "I love you so much". Ed said, gently. "You are the peanut butter to my jelly, baby". Ed smiled as he chuckled a bit. "That's good to know". Sailor said. She and Ed chuckled. Ed smiled as he snuck a kiss on Sailor's cheeks. "What's going on, coochie?". Ed asked, gently with kindness. ing on, coochie?". "You seem tired this evening". Ed said, kindly with gentleness. "I'm doing ok…kind of". Sailor said. "You just needed to rest, huh?". Ed replied, kindly. Sailor nodded.
"I understand, honey". "I sometimes need to rest too". "Well, we all do". Ed said, gently. Sailor looked around as she drank her milk. "I want Edd". Sailor said, in her fragile voice, her small voice that was akin to that of a scared little girl. "We'll see Edd soon". "Let's get you back in bed, and then we'll see Double D". Ed assured, kindly. Sailor looked around as she drank from her sippy cup. "Let's go back to bed now…we'll see Double D…he'll be so excited to see you". Ed assured, gently. Sailor nodded, as she and Ed walked back to my bedroom. I was asleep…but from what Sailor told me, it was nice for her to lay down, and take it easy.
Ed tucked her in, tightening her swaddle so it was cozy. Sailor snuggled up, falling asleep. Ed smiled as he kissed her cheeks, gently. It was a nice night to snuggle in…and I even snuggled close to Sailor, pulling her close so she wouldn't go away. It was a lovely night…for even the both of us.
The next day, Sailor woke up in her swaddle, as she looked around. She drank from her sippy cup, sniffling. Perhaps it was a bad day for her. She seemed depressed today…and somehow, she seemed a bit more tired than usual…a bit more plain, and monotonous. It was a plain, monotonous day already.
I sat outside on my porch, smoking my cigarette, as I tapped out the remaining ash from it. I blew out cigarette smoke, coughing in my nature as well. I sat on the creaky chair, smoking, as I inhaled a bit with every exhale of cigarette smoke. I enjoyed the tapestry of nature. Nature was fulfilling at best, and there was a little bit of peace that came with just slowing down…and enjoying it…as a widower who had his secrets…and luckily, I have Sailor to share them with.
Sailor came outside…bundled up in her swaddle as she had her sippy cup. She was waking up. "Hello, darling". I said, kindly with a gentle whisper. "How are you on this fine day?". "You look simply pulchritudinous". I smiled a loving smile. "Thank you". Sailor replied. "How have you been feeling, coochie?". "Did some rest help at all?". I asked, kindly in a gentle, softened voice. "It helped kind of…sort of". "I had a pleasant dream…which was nice". Sailor said.
"What was your dream about, coochie?". I asked, kindly with gentleness. "My mom and dad…and my sister". Sailor said. "It was pretty amazing….we were together…on vacation again…and we had a lot of fun". Sailor glanced around. "It was a really nice dream".
I smiled a kind smile, a gentle, sappy, loving smile. "Maybe somewhere in that different place….your mom and dad, and Ana were thinking about you too". "Somewhere close by". I said, kindly, as I tapped ash from my cigarette. "Somewhere else, they might've been". Sailor said. "But…it is always nice to think about them…and the amazing memories we had".
I sniffled a bit, keeping away some tears. "Yes, you all had wonderful memories, my Sailor". I said, kindly. Sailor nodded, as she drank her milk. "Why are you crying?". "Everything ok?". Sailor asked. "Oh, yes, yes". "Everything is…yes, but….I'm sorry, I just get teary when I think about your mom and dad….and all you've had to go through these past few years….I just…you're the strongest of both of us". I said,choking on emotion as I held back tears.
"It's ok…truly it is, because…they're not gone…in essentiality….they're still with us…in everything I do". "I know maybe the past was bad…but…I'm ok now…I love what we did..and I love what we're still doing". "Really, as long as we stay strong, and believe in ourselves….as long as I think about the good memories….and still hear them speaking to me….I am ok". "Their strength lies within me…and I am strong because…I have them….they are my inspiration…somehow…the reason behind all of my awards…all of my good grades…Rotaract club, and academic competitions….the reason I stay involved, and that I stay busy is because….they are still with me….pushing me to do my best in everything I do". "They keep me strong…and they always tell me…in my dreams to do my very best…and to always go above and beyond". "I do it to make them proud….and to one day earn a place with them…wherever they are". Sailor said. "I love my mom and dad, and my sister….and I guess….as bad as that day was…I know that now…I can work harder in order to keep their memory going". "I do it for them….not for me". "Sometimes, I am tired…sometimes, I am busy….but I do it for them…and…I do it to keep things….going really well". "Because they are still among me…and I still have to make them proud…because I'm the older one". "There's a lot to do…and I still have a family to take care of….I still have god's work to do". Sailor looked up at me.
I smiled a kind smile. "Well, I spoke to them last night….did you know that?". I asked, gently. Sailor shook her head. "You know, every evening before I go to bed, I always speak to them before I lay down….I pray to them like you do". "And I always thank your mom and dad for letting me take care of you….and for giving you to me". "I've been doing that a lot, recently". I said, kindly. Sailor looked up at me. "You have?". Sailor asked. "I have". I replied, kindly. "And last night, I prayed to them, and they told me just how proud they were of you". "They are very impressed that you are doing so well". "They are so proud of the awards you've gotten, they love the achievements you made, they told me how well you're doing…and that you and I were meant to be together….we were meant to change the world together". "You and I….we are best friends…soulmates….and whatever happens….we will always have one another….that I can promise you". "You've given me everything, Sailor". "And I will always be proud of you, too". "You are someone truly special…..and someone that will one day change the world". "I believe that…and I believe in you". I said, kindly. Sailor nodded. "Thank you…and I've always believed in you as well". "You are someone I always look up to….and…I want to be as smart as you one day". "I want to do the world's most complicated mathematical equations, and solve problems". "I want to be just like you….and one day….change the world". Sailor said.
I smiled a kind smile. "You are already like me…in so many ways". "That's what initiates our special bond….is the love that we create, and the similarities that draw us together". "You and I…we were meant to be together….from the very beginning". "And with that, you and I will forever change the world". "Because we are so much alike….and what we have…I will always treasure….from now until forever". "You and I…share so much….because we just have so much….that we will always keep with us". I said, gently. Sailor nodded. "That much is true". Sailor said, as she and I smiled.
"Why….why do things go on?". Sailor asked. "Why do tragedies occur?". "Why do scary things happen?". "Why can't we live forever?".
Sailor looked up at me innocently. "Well, sometimes…hmm, well, dangerous things happen because….well….wow…that is truly a hard question….philosophical in its approach…very dignified…but….the world is a dangerous place….and our bodies…life in general, is numbered, and linear". "In it exists a fabric of time, and numeric order on the span of energy contained in matter". "But…matter can be devoid of its energy". "Matter can sometimes be taken away, but not destroyed". "Our bodies are matter…our energy is matter". "And matter cannot be destroyed…somehow, the physical property of our matter, and our energy can be taken away, our matter is recycled, and new energy is created". "It's the circle of life, energy, and time". "In a spiritual, and astrological sense, life goes on, and we can live forever….just with different bases of energy". "The thing is…the world is dangerous…and energy can be expunged". "But as long as we enjoy, and live through the energy we have now…and know that it can be recycled…know that we don't "die", per say, we can truly protect ourselves, and live life to the fullest". "We don't really know what happens". "There are just some things we aren't meant to know, or find out…but I can tell you….as long as you're with me, you are safe". "Everything is safe now….because I will hold you close, protect you, and keep us safe". I promised, kindly.
"Just like I don't know who my birth mother was….like her name or anything". Sailor said. "and…I don't know….what happened in the orphanage….like I don't remember it".
I tapped ash from my cigarette. "There are some things we don't remember". "And sometimes, infancy is one of them". "I do know that when you were an infant, you were loved, and cared for….you are cuddled, and nurtured…you were luckier than some". "You had excellent caregivers". "Some people have traumatic infancies….because they aren't cuddled, hugged, nurtured, bathed, rocked, or sung to". "I've met people who have those backgrounds….and they sometimes have things like Autism, or depression, or developmental diversity…they learn and grow up differently because they don't have the nourishment that babies need". "Babies need nourishment when they're little….babies need love, and kindness". "But they need attention, nurturing, care, and love….they need to be taught, guided, and sung to". "Otherwise, they don't develop….typically". I whispered, kindly. "Which, there's nothing wrong with that…but…babies need nurturing….they need a birth mom, or a caregiver….they need breastmilk, and suckling in order to develop, and grow healthy, capable minds". "Autism isn't a curse…but it does come with its caveats". I said, kindly.
Sailor nodded. "When I was a baby….Ana and I were cared for?". Sailor asked. I brought my cigarette to my lips. "You both were cared for in the orphanage….you both had caregivers who loved you very much". "But soon, you both were adopted, and the caregivers retired, and were in nursing homes, and you lost touch with them". "But you both were lucky to have an orphanage that worked like that….someone that cared for you….rocked you, held you, cuddled you, sung to you, and kept you both together after birth mom passed away". "You were just a tiny infant, not a few days old….you received birth mom's milk, and her nurturing, you received her kisses on your forehead, birth mom loved you so much". "You and Ana were so little, only a few days apart, and…what happened was unfortunate, but you came to the orphanage, were cared for, and cuddled….you were adopted by a loving couple who nurtured you, and kissed you goodnight…who took you outside to look at the stars". I whispered, gently. "You were very lucky to have a nice couple…and….when you were just a baby, you met me….and from the moment I held you in my arms, the moment I took you close, I knew….that you and I had a special bond….a bond that would never be broken". "What we have is unique, special, and truly amazing…..because I've learned from you…..what you've learned from me, and we've grown up together….you are someone lovely, and fantastic". I said, kindly.
Sailor nodded. "Thank you". She replied. "When you were a baby, you had a cute forehead…and you had a nice smile, and would always play". "I remember you came to recognize my voice….and always liked listening to instructions, and when I would invite you to play, you would smile and crawl to me". "You were walking as well…ohh, you were so resilient, my Sailor". I said, kindly…with some seductive edge to my voice. "I remember you would come to me…and want to be picked up….you'd smile and play….but when it came time for bed, you'd run and hide". "You never liked bedtime for some reason". I said, gently with a seductive edge, as I sighed. "But I loved seeing you….and I loved just how beautiful you were to me". "You were my beautiful girl….my baby". I said, kindly, as I smoked my cigarette. "That's good". Sailor said.
"Why did my birth mom pass away of?". Sailor asked. "A heart ischemia" I said, kindly. "She was young as well…only 32". "But she loved you dearly….and when you were infants, you and Ana were found by the fire station". "Perhaps….something happened, and you were found". "But….it's ok now". "You and Ana have wonderful parents…and you both are good girls". "and….I know you miss her….them…but….everything is ok, now". "I promise you". I whispered, gently, as now, the only sound was of me, tapping ash from my cigarette. "I know". Sailor said. I smiled a kind smile, sniffling a bit. Sailor looked off to the side. "Is everything ok, honey?". I whispered, gently. Sailor nodded. "I am ok….kind of….". "...". Sailor replied. "I hope everything's ok, coochie". I whispered, kindly. "I know it's hard subject matter to discuss". I smoked my cigarette.
"I'm fine". Sailor said. "I…I guess…it's kind of something to think about….but…I'm kind of glad about my experiences…because…I can do so much….and I've learned so much from them". "I am a better person….and I always hope to be….because…I've always had to work harder…in everything I've done".
I nodded, kindly. "You've felt the work has enriched you to forge a connection to the ones you've lost….and to compensate for your past trauma…haven't you?". I whispered, gently. Sailor looked off to the side for a moment. "Um….um…". Sailor began…albeit hesitantly.
"I know I'm correct….aren't I?". I asked, in a kind whisper. "You are". Sailor said. "I have had to work hard….maybe that is why I do so".
I nodded. "You have had to work hard….but you've thrived in doing so….and everyone is proud of you". "Everyone loves you, Sailor". "You've done truly extraordinary things…and I couldn't be more proud, coochie". "You can do anything…because you are capable of anything….and I believe it". "You have so many gifts…..resilience is one of them". "You are resilient….and whatever you decide to do…I support you, fully". "Because you….are extraordinary". I said, gently. Sailor nodded. "I guess I am". Sailor said. "But it's nice that you think so". "Because… I am working hard….and I am resilient…in everything I do".
I smiled a kind smile. "Don't worry now, my Sailor". "What we decide is what we work towards….and because you and I are companions now, we can do anything". I said, kindly. I tapped ash from my cigarette. "That sounds reassuring". Sailor replied.
I smiled a kind smile. "When you were a baby….I remember singing you a lullaby". "It was a good lullaby….you fell asleep to it, quickly enough…but…I remember holding you in my arms one evening….you were fussy….you didn't want to go to bed". "And milk didn't help, ice cream didn't help, not even a swaddle". "But I held you in my rocking chair, and sang you this lullaby…and you went right to sleep". "You never hesitated….not once". "And when you were asleep, I knew just how tender you were to me….you were so precious…that even then, I knew…we were best friends…destined to change the world". I whispered, kindly. Sailor nodded.
"I remember that". Sailor replied. "But when I held you, nothing came between us…and we were forever together….from the beginning on". I said, kindly. Sailor nodded, smiling. "That much is true". She replied. I tapped ash from my cigarette. "I remember when you and I began". "I knew we would always be together". I said, kindly.
I sat for a while….a moment of silence, the softened sound of ash tapping from a cigarette. Then Sailor asked a question. "What did Michelle pass away of?". Sailor asked. "She passed away from an aneurysm". I said, kindly. "She was a smoker…as I was…but she also was on drugs". "She was someone….she made the faintest of decisions, and soured my views on marriage a little bit at times". "There were days where she was irresponsible, she was a pessimist, she just did things that made me very crazy….and even so, I held views on her that were just…souring for a marriage". "She had her moments…as did I….but we both made our ways". "We had a good time, in every aspect". I said, gently. "I'm sure". Sailor said.
"Well, we were alright". "We had our moments". I said, kindly. "Did you and she ever get into an argument?". Sailor asked. I nodded, gently. "We had quite a few in our day". "I remember she once spent a frivolous amount of money on shoes….when we were behind our mortgage payments….and I tried explaining to her the predicament…and no matter what reasoning I used, she went ahead, and stubbornly argued against it". "She was always very stubborn…and puerile…but she went ahead, and argued either way…because she thought certain things were good for her, and bound to go her way". "She was wrong in many aspects". I said, gently. Sailor nodded. "But every marriage has its ups and downs". "The key to a long lasting marriage is to communicate openly and freely as you see fit". "Marriage is a give and take…we can't do one without the other". "But in order for us to have perfect symbiosis with one another, we must communicate freely". "We all know what makes a marriage perfect…and now, a marriage only works if we coincide things hand in hand". "Marriage is symbiosis…that's essentially what it is". "We are only as happiest as we tend to be when we're at our best, or when our partner's at their best". "We do what's best for us". I said, kindly.
Sailor nodded. "What's the hardest part of a marriage?". Sailor asked. "Perhaps compromising, and making compromises". "Compromises are hard to come by…but a marriage is knowing what makes our partner happy, and what makes us happy". "We can make compromises based off of what makes it work properly". "Come to an agreement". I said, kindly. "Maybe so". Sailor said. "Compromises are what make a marriage work…and the symbiosis….come to a conjecture". I said, gently. Sailor nodded. "Marriage is a lot of work…I mean, I've seen my parents do it…and I've seen my aunt and uncle do it as well". "Marriage is something that is a lifelong commitment". "In every aspect". Sailor said.
"When I was your age…I was a nerd…I still am in every way, however, back then, it was even prominent". "I used to have a chemistry set, and a cactus named Jim, I used to be part of math team, and chemistry club, I used to hand out report cards every semester quarter to the parents". "I was an excellent student, but I was a real nerd…and I wondered….who would want to marry me, or date me?". "It was then, that I realized that popular people are overrated, and that I'm quite well off with someone in my community". "Nerds are important as well…but when I dated and married Michelle…one of the popular girls, I thought to myself; it's not as bad". "Nerds usually get a bad rapport, but in the end, they do quite well for their extraordinary selves". "Nerds are quite wonderful in many ways". "And even now, I'm glad that Michelle and I were married, because for a while, we were polar opposites". I said, kindly.
"That's nice that you found someone". Sailor said. "Sometimes, I think to myself….and, I'm not looking for anyone in particular because….I have school, and other things to focus on…but…I think…what if there is someone out there?". "Are they looking for me?".
I nodded. "You're still a baby, coochie". I said, gently. "You still have some time before boys like you in that way". "But I would be prepared for instantaneous attraction on the part of a boy you've been friends with for many years". "Sometimes, when a boy has been friends with you for years, he can gain an attraction to you…something bigger, and deeper than friendship, and much more loving, and altruistic than kindness, and mutualism". "You have boys who are somewhat of friends with you….that may like you….perhaps?". I asked, kindly. "Maybe". Sailor said.
"You aren't at that age yet….but you'll get there soon". "My baby sister's first crush". I said, kindly with gentleness. "And I'll be there on every step of the way…guiding you, poignantly instructing you…..giving you much needed advice". "Your older sibling's there for you". I chuckled a kind, softened, childlike chuckle.
"Well, there is this one boy I'm friends with". Sailor said. I smiled a kind, gentle smile…that was excited. "I'm elated to hear that, coochie". I said, gently. "Well, since it's a big step towards maturity, perhaps….darling, would be more suitable for names". I mentioned. Sailor and I laughed.
"Who is he?". "Do you like him yet?". "Does he like you?". "Let's compare notes". I said, kindly. "Ok, well…his name is Johnathon…and he is in school with me…he's nice enough". "We held hands on the swing, we did homework together….and I guess…he wants to take me to get ice cream". Sailor said. I clapped delightfully. "Oh my goodness!". "That's spectacular, darling". "He sounds very handsome…well, if I were to give you some of my advice, let him pay for the first time…when you buy the ice cream". "Allow him time to court you….and when choosing a conversation topic, I'd recommend discussing our fossil, and mineral collection we started together, or the history of the Phonecians". "He would love that". I said, kindly.
"In terms of attire, I would wear a dress, because you want to be friendly, casual, formal with him, solid, like a good friendship". "For the ice cream flavor, I'd pick vanilla, it's rich, luscious, and the most mild". I said, gently. "That's nice….that's good, brotherly, sage advice". Sailor said. She and I smiled. What I didn't count on was Eddy hiding around the corner.
"Hmm, sounds like nice advice…is our baby sister going on her first date?". Eddy asked, in a kind, loving, softened, gentle voice. He mouthed the words, "I'm-so-excited", as he grinned.
"She is….she has an ice cream date with a lovely sir named Johnathon". I said, kindly. "Aww, coochie woochie, baby puddy has a date". Eddy said, gently. "I already love this boy…he sounds like a gentleman". Eddy lit a cigarette.
"He does….and we'll meet him when we drop her off". "Of course, maybe we can hide behind a trash can, and spy on them". I said, gently as Eddy and I chuckled. "Yes, we can use one of my old scams to do our thing, and keep tabs on this sirhan". Eddy said, as he and I chuckled.
"You know your big bros are looking out for you, coochie". "We want our baby sis, the baby baby sis of the family to be safe". "And to know her idiot big bros are always there by her side…watching over her". Eddy said, kindly as he kissed both of Sailor's cheeks while she was in her swaddle. "I know". Sailor said.
"You look thirsty, coochie coo". Eddy said, gently. "Here, let's get you some milky bye". Eddy propped Sailor's sippy cup upright, as she kept her hands tucked in the swaddle. "Let goosey goo feed you milky bye, coochie coo, ba ba". Eddy said, gently as he propped up the sippy cup, feeding her her oat milk. Yes, reader, I know we baby her a lot…but she literally is our baby sis. She's the youngest, and she's experienced a lot in her childhood. If I had my way, I'd keep full-body pajamas, a blanket, and a jacket over her, as well as some bubble wrap. I wouldn't let her take her own tests at school, or cut her own meat at the dinner table, take her own baths, or toilet herself. I baby these children who have experienced a lot of hardship, and have dealt with the passing of a loved one in their childhood. For example, a young girl named Emily…she has blonde hair, blue eyes, she's young as well, we know her as Bev Bighead's daughter, I babied her for so many years, when I was in grief counseling. Everytime she needs help cutting meat, and her parents aren't there, she always calls me, and I come right away to her aid.
So, we end this chapter here because, I got a phone call from Emily. She's facing bathtime, and needs my guiding hand. (To Emily) Hang on, puddin' daddy's coming!
