Chapter 14
Sailor slept on the bed, at the resort, as I called Nazz. "i'm pretty much finished with my surgery…I'll be up there as soon as I can". Nazz said. "Mm, so you both made the trip…how was it?". "Being with your protegee?".
I pursed my lips a bit. "She has been quiet, mostly…sleeping a lot…she's very withdrawn…I'm worried about her, honestly". "She basically became a shell after I tried to converse with her…I'm worried it has something to do with us". I said.
"It has nothing to do with us…I'm very serious about that". Nazz replied. "Why do you say that?". I asked. "Do you remember what today was…for her?". Nazz asked in a grave voice. I looked off to the side. "I do…um…jog my memory, real quick". I said.
Nazz sighed a stern sigh. "Today was the day of the plane crash…when her family passed away". Nazz said, as she had emotion behind her voice. "Oh…yes, that's right". I said, as a bit of silence was between us. "Oh no". I had emotion behind my voice now, as I tried to keep from crying. "I wonder what we should do". I whispered.
"I would snuggle her…talk to her about it…mm, just talk…even if she doesn't wish to respond". Nazz said, gently. "I agree…she needs a friend…a family member she can trust". I replied. "Yes, and…mm, you are who she attaches to, best". "You are who she wants, you are the one she needs most". "We both know her attachment becomes weak when grief is involved". "She just withdraws, and wants to be alone…but…she trusts you…she knows you…and she's most familiar with you". "Maybe you can help her through it". Nazz whispered. "That's a given that I will". "My poor baby…she needs me". "I just wish there was some way to help her because…she truly is hurting…grieving". "I know exhaustion is part of it, PTSD, she might be hurting now". "My poor darling". I whispered, kindly as I straightened my tie. "I'll talk to her…even if she doesn't like snuggles, I might just lay by her". I whispered, kindly as I saw Sailor sitting up in our bed, in the master bedroom. I hung up the cell phone, or in this case, snapped it shut.
I smiled as I went into the bedroom, sitting on the bed. "coochie….Sailor". I whispered, gently. Sailor looked up at me. "What?". She asked, quietly. "I know right now you might be hurting…I know what today is for you…I remembered, and I know it's the hardest". I whispered, gently in a softened, cuddly voice. Sailor still looked downwards at her blanket. "Ok". Sailor replied.
"I just hope for you to know and understand that I'm always here for you". I whispered, gently. "You and I both know that I am…I'm not going anywhere". I assured, kindly in a whisper, as I soothed Sailor. "Ok". Sailor replied. Sailor looked up at me, as her eyes welled up with tears. "I'm scared". Sailor said, as she began crying. "It's ok now, coochie". I whispered, gently with kindness. "It's ok, now". "I understand….I know…come to me, coochie". "Come see me, honey". "I've got you now, it's ok, honey". I whispered, gently. I opened my arms to Sailor, as she crawled to me. Sailor came into my arms, crying.
"I love you, coochie". I whispered, kindly. Sailor rested, as she cried. "There you go, there you go, Cuddly's got you, it's ok now". I whispered, gently. Sailor rested there, as she kept crying.
I rubbed her back, kindly. "I know it's a hard day, Sailboat". "You mentioned you were scared…what scares you?". I whispered, gently with kindness. "The world will end". Sailor said, as she sniffled. "The world will end?". I asked in a kind whisper. "Kind of". Sailor said, sniffling.
"I don't think anything will happen, Sailor, honey". I whispered, gently. "I think we're safe for now….I think maybe this is a hard day, that's all". "I've got you….I'll protect you, and I'll be sure nothing happens to us". "That is a promise". I smiled a kind smile. Sailor nodded.
I hugged Sailor, gently as I massaged her cheeks. "I've got you…it's ok, now". "Listen closely…listen to the sound of my voice, now". "There you go….everything is nice…just breathe…in and out". "Breathe, there you go, it's ok, honey". "I'm here…I've got you". I whispered, gently. Sailor nodded as she cried.
I smiled a kind smile, hugging Sailor in a gentleness. She was calm now, as she rested in my arms. I gently smiled, as I hugged her. She rested for a while now, sleeping in my arms. "I love you, honey". "You and I both know I do". "I won't let anything happen to you…that is a definite promise". I assured, kindly. "Thank you". Sailor replied.
"Do you feel anxious now, sweet pea?". "Do you feel scared, or saddened?". "What are your feelings now?". I asked, in a gentle whisper. "If you wish to share them…you don't have to if you're not ready". "Take your time, baby girl". "Know that I'm here for anything".
Sailor took a deep breath. "I'm scared". Sailor said. "I'm scared, I'm sad, I feel tired…I want today to be over…and it was weird because…I was fine this morning". Sailor said. "I don't know..".
I gently soothed Sailor. "You were doing so well this morning…I'm not sure what happened, honey". "Maybe it was because the day crept up on you, and the memories came". "When we grieve, it happens sometimes". "Well, it's ok, honey". "I promise you now". I whispered, kindly.
"I have some Oat milk we can try that might make us feel better". I whispered, kindly. "I'll make you a special glass we can take to bed with us…and we'll wrap you in a special swaddle". I smiled a kind smile, as I massaged Sailor's cheeks, gently. "Thank you". Sailor replied. I gently massaged Sailor's cheeks, as I tickled them. Sailor calmed down, as I gently massaged her cheeks in kindness.
"Time for some Oat Milk, honey". "Are you ready?". "Then, we have to take your heart medicine". I assured, kindly. Sailor nodded, as she followed me to the kitchen. "There now, coochie". "Inside voices, let's listen for a bit". "You're doing excellent". "Let's drink our special Oat milk". I whispered, gently. Sailor nodded. I smiled a kind smile, as I poured some Oat milk into a glass for Sailor. She drank it, tasting something bitter and chalky. "What is this?". Sailor asked. "It's the same Oat Milk you've always known…it just has a different flavor, that's all". "It's a bit runny now, but you'll like it, I promise". I whispered, kindly.
Actually, reader, I snuck some Trazodone into Sailor's Oat Milk. I mashed some up, and placed it in there for her to drink. Please reader, don't be judgy, on the positive aspect, it will help her sleep through her grief, it will allow her time to rest, and become comforted with what she needs.
Sailor took her medicine as I helped her swallow it. She sat, calmly on the bed, as I massaged her cheeks with my thumbs, kindly.
"Shhh, shh". "Shh, shh". I soothed gently with calmness. "I love you so much…you are my everything, and my love for you is strong". "I love you….coochie". I soothed in a gentle, calming whisper. Sailor nodded, as she looked up at me, seeing my face…seeing my hands as I massaged her face. "Everything will be alright now, coochie". "I promise you". I whispered, gently. Sailor nodded, as she slowly calmed down, looking down at the bed. "You know, your mom and dad were excellent, amazing, and wonderful". "I adore them so much". I said, gently.
"And they were wonderful to you as well". "As parents, they were so excellent, magnificent, and they were wonderful people". "They truly nurtured you, kept you safe, and helped you with pretty much everything". "They were amazing parents, and I know you loved them so much". I whispered, kindly. "As time progresses, we find that about the people we love…in many ways". I massaged Sailor's cheeks, kindly. "But their love for you will always be eternal". I whispered, gently. "I know". Sailor replied. I smiled a kind smile, comforting my Sailor.
"Remember that old lullaby your parents used to sing you?". "You may…perhaps..but I remember it". I whispered, gently. Sailor nodded. "Hmm, now, coochie". "It might go a certain way…hmm, how is it?". I asked in a whisper. "Oh, yes".
"How I miss you…"
"Count the stars".
"They seem so far away".
"Call my an-gel".
"From hea-ven,
She's lost in a daze".
"There's a chance, you'll be there,
From what I see, from what I hear,
"You'll be there, waiting for me".
"Blackbird singing in the dead of night…
"Take these broken wings and learn to fly..
"All your life…you were only waiting for this moment to arrive"
"Blackbird singing in the tree,
Take these sunken eyes, and learn to see".
"All your life…you were only waiting for this moment to be free".
"Blackbird, fly".
"Blackbird, fly".
"Into the light of a dark black night".
"You were only waiting for this moment to arrive"
"You were only waiting, for this moment to arrive".
"My love is waiting, for her moment to arrive".
I gently sang the song…though, not anything like Wendell Menendez. Sailor's father. My smoker's voice was in no shape for singing. And even so, it was just not even close. Sailor enjoyed it, though. Sailor heard her parents' lullaby, falling fast asleep to it. She fell fast asleep, getting beneath the blankets. I smiled a kind smile, allowing her some time to fall asleep, before I snuggled in beside her. She was wrapped in a softened, gentle, loving swaddle, as she fell asleep. Still, I made my way over, hugging her from behind. When she felt the hug, she rested in my arms, sleeping still for a long amount of time. She just slept, resting in my arms. I held her close, ensuring that she was alright. Which…perhaps she was. But for now, I knew that she was alright. She just needed to get through it. Which was easily done and said. Sailor…she was asleep now. And she would be, because….it was tiring….it was tiring doing anything of that nature. But I held her close…and ensured she'd be ok. Which she was…we both were.
Nazz came up to the resort, as she glanced around. "Mmm, damn it". Nazz muttered, as she took off her scrubs, her lab coat, and came into the bedroom. I smiled as I saw her. "Hello, darling". I whispered, kindly as I set down some clothes on the bed. Nazz smiled as well. "Hey…how are things?". Nazz asked, in a gentle mutter. "She's sleeping as of now…she just…perhaps and kind of…slept very well, but she is grieving". I whispered.
"Mmm". Nazz nodded, as her painted lips were pursed. "She is such a sweetheart…Sailor". "I love her so much". Nazz whispered, as she saw my Sailor laying down, sleeping. "She definitely is". I whispered, as I smiled a bit as well. Sailor slept, as she kept her head down on the pillow.
"Well, perhaps and perchance…I was thinking…maybe we could…have a cigarette". I whispered, as Nazz and I shared a chuckle. Nazz chuckled a bit, shaking her head. "Edd, I'm pregnant". Nazz protested, gently as she chuckled some more. I smiled a kind smile, nodding. "Right, yes…I knew that". I said, kindly. "Well, perhaps then…we could share a talk…just you and I…and some dulce creme cheesecake". "Does that sound sufficient?". I wondered as I glanced at Nazz. Nazz nodded, as she and I came to the fridge, seeing some cheesecake in there. "Mmm, this looks nice". Nazz said, kindly. "It truly does". I replied, gently. She and I laughed. "Well, then…what else has been going on?". "How was your surgery?". I asked, as we shared some cheesecake on the porch. "It was fine…perhaps". "The surgery….it was a nice one…we did a triple endoplasmic on an older man". "We just kind of removed a bit of his liver, and got out a tumor". Nazz replied. "Was the tumor benign, would you say?". I asked. "Something of that nature, I assume". "The tumor was in the liver, a bit upwards, and to the right…but…it wasn't really that bad". Nazz replied.
I nodded. "Something like that doesn't sound that bad at all". "It was the easiest thing to remove…nothing was cancerous, in an element". I said, kindly. Nazz nodded. "Nothing was cancerous at all". "But then again, I am a resident". Nazz and I chuckled. "What do I know?".
I smiled a kind smile, eating some more cheesecake. "Sailor truly was upset earlier…I know today's the day she lost her family…but…she was very depressed, and she was grieving heavily". I said, as I glanced off to the side. Nazz nodded. "It is a sad day, I'm sad for her as well". Nazz said, as she glanced away for a moment. "Sailor is truly a gem…but…it's terrible what happened to her mom and dad". "And her baby sister". I whispered, as I glanced away. "Yes, it is…but…hijackings happen so much on planes…especially last year". Nazz whispered. "That's what essentially led to what happened on September 11th".
I nodded. "Sailor is so fortunate to have lived through it…but…to experience that, at such a young age….I feel so bad". "That truly is terrible". I whispered. Nazz nodded. "I love Sailor…she means the world to me, in so many ways". Nazz whispered. I nodded again. "Yes, Sailor is my favorite….she is the world to me….she is someone truly extraordinary…who will change the world". I whispered. "She is just so effulgent…and so gregarious". I smiled, knowing that my Sailor would thrive under my protection.
Nazz nodded, smiling as well. As Nazz did, she ate more of her cheesecake. "Mmm, I'm already having cases of sickness..like…morning sickness". Nazz said, in a mumble, as she laid back. "That is common…but…I wouldn't think too much about it". "I know quite a few women who have had those too". I muttered.
"Really?". Nazz said, cornering her stare. "And who are they, exactly?".
At this point, I knew I was stuck. "They are…no one". "I work with them". I said, sheepishly as I laughed a nervous laugh. Nazz nodded. "That's what I thought, initially". Nazz replied. I smiled as I ate the last of my cheesecake. "Knowing, and interacting go hand in hand…but maintaining closeness is entirely different". I said.
Nazz pursed her lips. "Knowing and interacting are separate, according to researchers at Princeton in the departments of psychology". Nazz replied. "Well, according to researchers at Harvard, they go hand in hand, due to the aspects of memory, and the prefrontal cortex relaying signals to neurons allowing for the property of memory to be induced". "Thanks to one, or a few simple, small interactions with those in the close community". I explained, as we had ourselves a small debate. Well, it wasn't a debate, it was more or less proving each other wrong or right. "Yes, but what about others outside of the close community?". "Memory doesn't help with one interaction there…according to research". Nazz argued. "Hmm…we should have a parliamentary style debate, with the opposing sides, and theses we present one another with". I remarked. "Maybe, but I'm too tired for that now". Nazz replied. I smiled, as I drank some of my wine I brought with me.
"I remember doing debate at Peach Creek". Nazz said, as she brightened with a delightful memory. "I do, as well". I replied. "It was a wonderful time, indeed". "And really, I found solace with it". "Debate was a wonderful time".
Nazz nodded, as she slid into her seat. "It indeed was…but…I found a good time being a cheerleader as well, which was…nice". Nazz said.
"Yes, I remember that as well". I said, kindly. We both sat outside, as Sailor came outside. Sailor was wrapped in her swaddle, as she looked outwards. "Hi, coochie". I whispered, kindly with gentleness. Sailor nodded. "Hello". She replied, quietly. "How are you feeling, honey?". I asked, in a kind, softened voice. "Kind of good". Sailor replied. I smiled a kind smile, massaging Sailor's cheeks, as the darkness of the night set in. "everything is ok?". I asked, softly with gentleness. "Everything is ok". Sailor replied. I smiled a kind smile, as I kissed both of Sailor's cheeks. "You know I love you so much, coochie". "I dreamt about you again". I whispered, kindly with gentleness. Sailor nodded, as she looked up at me. "You did?". Sailor asked. "I did…and it was a delightful dream". "It was a sex dream". I whispered, kindly with softness. I might have slimily, whispered the last part under my breath, but Sailor heard it…I'm certain.
"Ok". Sailor said, as she looked around a bit. "I always dream about my wonderful, lovely best friend". "I think you're someone who truly has given me everything". I whispered, gently. Sailor nodded. I smiled, as I saw Sailor, wrapped in her swaddle, falling back asleep. She was tired, and emotionally exhausted.
"Would you like something to eat, coochie?". "I have some cheesecake". I advised, kindly with softness. Sailor nodded, as she opened her mouth, while I spoonfed her some. "There we go, just a little more". "We need to eat something…we're both very hungry this evening". I said, kindly with softness. Sailor nodded as she ate some cheesecake, finishing the last of mine.
"Would you like some Oat milk?". "I have some Oat milk with flavoring if we'd prefer that". I said, kindly with gentleness. Sailor nodded, drinking from her sippy cup. "There you go, honey". "There you go, just drink up a bit". "There she is…I'm very happy you're doing well". "You've got it…you're almost there". I guided, kindly as I stroked Sailor's cheeks, gently while she drank from her sippy cup. Her fragile eyes…with bags underneath them. Her porcelain skin, now reddened with grief. She looked vulnerable, human, and fragile, young as she drank from her sippy cup, while I propped the sippy cup up while she drank from the mouthpiece. (she didn't have hands to guide her). Sailor. She was young, she was vulnerable as she drank from the sippy cup. She was a baby, still. In my eyes, she was still a young toddler who had just woken up from her nap. Still, I smiled as I stroked her cheeks, guiding her along. "I love you". I whispered, gently. Sailor nodded as she drank from her cup. I smiled, kissing both of her cheeks, as my lips were stained from cigarette smoke. "I love you so much, coochie". I whispered, kindly. Sailor nodded, as she continued drinking from her cup. She was just drinking…just relaxing as she closed her eyes, while I massaged her cheeks, lovingly. "I lo-ove you". "I lo-ove you". I hummed in a kind, loving manner, as I kissed both of her cheeks. I just kept kissing up and down her cheeks, knowing that she was just so innocent, and young. She was the youngest now, and it was my job to care for her.
Sailor closed her eyes, relaxing as she felt the love from my kisses. As she did, she drank her milk. "I know you're exhausted, pudd'n". I whispered, gently. "I'm exhausted, too". Sailor nodded, as she fell back asleep. "Want to go back to sleep?". "Nighty night night?". I asked, kindly in a whisper. Sailor nodded. I smiled, massaging her cheeks, as I kissed both of them. She fell asleep then, closing her eyes, as she drifted off. "Mommy…daddy". Sailor said, sleepily, as she sniffled. "Mommy…daddy gone".
Sailor sniffled, as she kept her eyes closed. "I know, coochie". "Coochie, coo…let's go to bed…it's ok, coochie". "Cuddly bear loves you". I whispered, kindly. Sailor sniffled, closing her eyes, as she and I got back into the big bed. I covered her in blankets, ensuring that she was comfortable. She was comfortable as she laid down…sleeping. I slept beside her, rubbing her back, singing the lullaby to her, as she fell asleep. She did fall asleep, laying her head down, as she drifted away to the deepest realms of sleep. I slept too, closing my eyes, as I sighed, deeply. Nazz came in later, sleeping beside Sailor on the other side, as she closed her eyes, readying for a night's sleep. We didn't wake up until afternoon the next day.
