Haunted by the memory of Malfoy's eyes changing from such an array of emotions to nothing, Hermione had a hard time falling asleep. Her brain tried to solve the problem at hand.
Were Malfoy and Draco the same?
She looked at it from different angles but could not come up with a satisfying solution. They were the same and yet so different and that just did not make sense. At all!
In the end, Hermione had to bore herself to sleep with the help of a Quidditch magazine which Ron had left in her flat after they had broken up. It was her failsafe way to fall asleep.
Still, when she woke up a couple of hours later, Hermione was not surprised that her mind had decided to remind her of the scene. Kissing Draco and Malfoy's eyes going blank. The groan that left her lips was caused by two things: having fucked up big time with Malfoy and the electric red 06:00 on her digital clock. She felt exhausted, both mentally and physically. All she wanted to do was fall back to sleep and wake up, realizing it had all been a nightmare. Then again she was sure that her brain would only cook up even more cruel nightmares for her.
She would have to steer clear from being alone with Draco in a room and all would be well. At least, that was what she told herself. Sparing the Quidditch magazine one last glance, she swung her legs over the edge of her bed. Quidditch could only do so much and she was already grateful for the few hours of sleep she had gotten. Pulling her red dressing gown tight around her, she made her way to the kitchen.
Her sleep-addled mind did not even register the sound of someone bustling around in her kitchen before it was too late. Just seconds after her resolve not to be alone with Draco, there she was staring at him trying to get her electric kettle to work. Her instinct to run back to her room must have been written on her face for he said, "Don't worry, I won't bite."
Still a little hesitant, Hermione kept as much distance between them as she could in the small area .
"Just sit down, I'll fix us some breakfast." Draco would not be of any help in her Muggle kitchen, although Hermione wondered if he fared any better in a magical one.
During breakfast, they talked about nothing in particular. They stayed on safe ground with their choice of topics. Hermione had just relaxed enough that she could wholeheartedly laugh at him joking about Madam Pince and Mr Filch together when he placed a finger beneath her chin. Her laughter died right on her lips, her cheeks warming at the way he looked at her. His eyes were molten silver.
"Hold still. You've got some jam on your face." Draco angled her face towards him. Longing would be the best description for the way he looked at her at that moment. She could lose herself in those eyes. Her heart began beating faster again. Hermione felt almost silly for getting nervous about him wiping away some jam.
Almost.
For Draco did not simply wipe away the jam, but nipped it off the corner of her mouth before placing his lips fully on hers in a gentle kiss. A perfect replica of their first kiss. And just like their first kiss, it was over too soon. Like before, Hermione trailed her fingers over her lips to reassure herself that it had been real, that she had not just imagined it.
"Why?" One syllable combined all of Hermione's questions.
Why do you kiss me?
Why me ?
Why now ?
As one corner of his mouth pulled up into a wry smile, his eyes took on the colour of rain clouds, such a sad smile.
"Of course you wouldn't know." His hand came to rest on her cheek and she leaned into his warm touch.
"I fancy you, Hermione." His admission took her breath away. Taking advantage of her momentary confusion, Draco stole another kiss from her.
"I like you." Yet another kiss. "I really do." Although the touch of his lips was very light, it set Hermione ablaze, craving for more. Her mind, ever in the search for answers, hindered her from committing to the kiss.
"But you-" Her retort was interrupted by another kiss.
"Never show it?" he finished her question. Cupping her face in his hands, Draco looked at her lovingly.
"I'm a coward, Hermione," he whispered against her lips and kissed her deeply this time. Their lips fit perfectly together. Nevertheless, he pulled away too soon for Hermione's liking, a short whine escaping her lips in protest.
"Do you like me ?" His way of emphasizing the ' me' made her wonder.
"You?"
"Me. Without the Occlumency." The openness of his features caught her off guard, no emotions were hidden from her. For the first time, he showed his vulnerability in front of her. Giving the wrong answer, she was certain, would break him. Hermione liked Draco Malfoy either way. She had taken interest in him with his Occlumency, and the version without had only encouraged her to keep longing for him even more. Considering the way she felt about him also brought back the guilt she felt towards Malfoy. Here, she stood betraying the man she had fantasized about for so long with himself. How could something feel so right and yet so wrong at the same time?
Her discord must have shown on her face because he just smiled sadly at her before leaning in further. His breath tickled her ear.
"You scare me, Hermione." His thumbs slowly stroked her cheeks. "Occluding my feelings in front of you is, in large part, to protect me. You could hurt me so badly. If you let me, I´d be all yours." Was this Draco's version of a confession? A love confession even? The mere thought that he would declare his feelings for her so openly and straightforwardly, made Hermione gasp.
"You could have me just like this . But that can never be." His face fell and he averted his gaze from her.
"After all, I am still Draco Malfoy and I don't deserve you."
Before Hermione could reply, he had stood up and left. Alone with her thoughts, Hermione realized the true implications of what he had said. Somehow, after everything he had done, Draco Malfoy still believed himself to be unworthy of any kind of affection, of love. Compassion for and anger at whatever had made him come to this conclusion sank like a stone into her stomach.
She wanted to run after him. She wanted to shout at him for evoking all those feelings in her before simply leaving her behind. She wanted to tell him all the reasons why he did deserve her. She wanted to list all her flaws so he could understand that she was not perfect either.
But her body would not move.
The idea that Granger could be interested in both of them had been the last thought Draco had before falling asleep and was the first thought he woke up to. Her obvious attraction to his double did not preclude her from being attracted to him as well. That was the theory Draco set out to investigate. If he was right, his general reluctance to share with his doppelgänger would no longer matter under these circumstances.
He wanted Granger and if that meant sharing with himself, he would put up with it. In fact, if he thought about it, it would mean that Granger wanted him so much that she would give herself to both of them. And he did not exactly reckon her the type to agree to a threesome lightly. The fact that his double had pointed this out to him, made Draco realise that he would not be averse to sharing with him either. How generous of the doppelgänger.
Draco wondered if the double would continue to be so generous as the situation progressed. His brain conjured up an image of Granger between them. She would be trapped between their bodies, two pairs of hands roaming all over her naked form. Burning with desire for them both, she would continue to press against them, sobbing and moaning for more. Addicted to her attention, they would keep trying to claim her mouth, rubbing their erections against her so she knew just how much they desired her. Draco would litter every piece of skin he could reach with bite marks and hickeys to stake his claim.
Thoughts of what might be, however, got him nowhere when he could not prove his theory.
For, if Draco was wrong that would be fatal. He could not rely on the hope that Granger wanted them both, only to be rejected in favour of his double in the end. He would not survive that humiliation. Before he progressed into action, he would observe first.
First and foremost, however, he had to attend to the outcome of his copious thoughts of Granger pressed between him and his double. Making sure the coast was clear, he retreated to the bathroom to find release.
Immediately after he came, the silky fluid running over his hand, shame overcame him. Salazar, he was under Granger's care, who wanted to undo this damned disengagement, just to help him, and he jerked off to fantasies of him and his double taking her hard. Draco wanted to shove it all into the depths of a mental drawer and lock it, but his Occlumency failed him.
How was he going to get through the rest of the weekend?
Resigning himself to the hopeless situation he had found himself in, he washed his hands and went to the guest room to change.
His double sat reading on the bed. Not much longer and he would be finished with Granger's book.
"Would you mind conjuring up something suitable for me, too?" He slowly gestured at his clothes. Sleepwear was hardly appropriate for this time of day. Draco conjured clothes for them both from the Manor. Simple black suit trousers for himself, dark grey slacks for his double, white button-down shirts for both of them.
With their backs to each other, they silently changed their clothes. Unnecessary, but one wanted to keep a little privacy from oneself.
"They get married in the end, you know." The comment came out of nowhere and Draco did not know what his double was trying to achieve.
What he did know was that he was tired of his double's games and innuendos. So, he ignored him. One would think that one could be direct among oneself. He was buttoning the last buttons of his shirt when Granger's book landed on his bed.
"Granger won't appreciate the way you handle her things." It sounded gruffer than he had planned, but he did not care.
"I'm sure Hermione wouldn't appreciate having to look at your sour face all the time. A smile would be a welcome change. After all, she doesn't see that too often." The other's self-confidence and arrogance made Draco lose his self-control for a moment and he sneered.
"You'd better practise that again." The doppelgänger just laughed mockingly and left him alone. Again Draco had to think of Professor Snape, stunned that he had put up with him for all those years.
At first, Draco wanted to leave the book, but then he reluctantly took it with him. It would at least pass the time while he observed Granger for any signs of attraction to him - not the double!
When he entered the living room shortly after, he interrupted Granger as she was walking towards his doppelӓnger. At his entrance, she paused in her movement and then beat a retreat into the kitchen.
Interesting .
Like the night before, Draco took his place in the armchair. From there, he had a good view of the small living room. A handy little spell allowed him to read Granger's book without having to look at it. It was as if an inner voice was reading to him. This way, he could kill two pixies with one stone. While he was finding out what the doppelgänger's deal with Granger's book was about, he could sit back and watch Granger and his double interact. And interact they did.
Shortly after, when Granger dared to leave the kitchen again with a small breakfast and tea for him, the first act of the play between her and the double began. The double happily announced that he had finished reading Granger's book and was now looking for more reading material. She had given him a few titles, but after he had pretended to be blind - standing right in front of her shelf - for long enough, she came to his rescue. Whenever he could, he touched her casually: his hand brushed hers, he stroked her back, he pushed a strand of unruly hair behind her ear. Nothing escaped Draco's notice. Especially not her reaction. It was always the same. After each of the double's touches, her wide-eyed gaze quickly moved to him and she sheepishly distanced herself from the other.
When the double had finally chosen a book, the interlude began. Now, they all sat reading again. Not a minute passed without at least one of them glancing at the other. However, Granger did not solely have eyes for the other but also cast a few furtive glances in his direction, whenever she thought he would not notice. At first, it was sporadic, but after she seemed to have realised which book turned its pages with a slight rustle every once in a while on his lap, it became more frequent until at times she was staring straight at him.
In one of those moments when he felt her eyes on him again, Draco could no longer hold back and returned her gaze. Her eyes widened in shock, she looked like a thief, caught red-handed, but could not seem to avert her gaze, so spellbound was she from looking at him. Draco felt all those reasons he resorted to when he looked to discourage himself from pursuing her crumble, one piece at a time. Every brush of her eyes against him, took away another layer he had set up to protect himself. If this went on, only dust would be left.
The spell was broken by a clearing of the doppelgänger's throat, whereupon Granger tried to hide her blushing face behind her book. After that, she was more careful about catching glimpses of him.
The second act began when the doppelgänger caught Granger watching him and she tried to cover it up with, "I didn't know you wore glasses."
With a cheeky grin, the double replied, "I already told you that you don't know me that well."
To top it off, he winked at Granger before turning back to his own book. A blush spread from her cheeks to her neck and down to her cleavage. The Gryffindor colour suited her very well, but Draco would have liked it better if he had been the one to trigger it. She brushed her hair behind her ear sheepishly and, after a brief giggle, pretended nothing had happened. As she had done so often in the last few hours, she glanced at him to see if he had noticed. At her apparent embarrassment, Draco stared out the window to spare her any further discomfort.
In the third act, it was time for Draco to get more involved in the action. Draco was beginning to understand what the doppelgänger liked about Granger's book. There were definitely parallels between fiction and reality. Draco, like Mr Darcy, had harboured serious prejudices about Granger's heritage. But even when he had believed all the lies from his childhood about Mudbloods and blood purity, he had been fascinated by Granger. She had had an attraction for him that he had not been able to explain. He had also been too proud for a long time to admit to himself how superior she was to him in so many fields of magic. A fact he could easily accept these days.
But Granger was not without pride and prejudice either. Because of her brief introduction, by Weasley of all people, to all things pureblood, she had many misconceptions that most outsiders had. Even before the fall of the Dark Lord, the pureblood society was not as dusty and archaic as it once had been. Her pride in her Muggle heritage made her forget how strange some things seemed to others, who, without access to good informative material or even the chance to ever see or use Muggle technologies, could hardly understand what was so ingenious about, say, aeroplanes or telephones. Even in the compulsory seminar on Muggles that Draco had to take, many things had been explained in such a complicated manner that he understood the basic concept of those things but nothing more.
It was not only pride and prejudice that bound Draco to Mr Darcy, but also an ardent desire - he would not necessarily call it love - for Granger. The only difference would probably remain that he would not tell her. Or would he?
You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.
How would Granger react? Would she look at him in surprise with her big brown eyes?
Draco was so absorbed in his thoughts about Granger's possible reaction that his gaze inevitably went her way. He took in every detail of her face. The way her eyes followed the words line by line, the way she bit her lip. His gaze travelled over her from head to toe. At the sight of her thoughtfully playing with a stray curl of hair and wiggling her foot to a rhythm only she knew, a small smile graced his lips.
As his gaze returned to her face, he let his eyes linger on her wrap dress that hugged her curves tightly. One tug at the little bow on the side and it would unravel, revealing what Draco could only dream of. When chestnut met steel, and he had to admit to himself that she had just caught him eyeing her, Draco quickly averted his gaze. Not everyone could be as shameless as his double.
He regretted his carelessness and called upon what little was left of his Occlumency.
To make matters worse, his double had also noticed and was now giving him a reprimanding look. Draco was sure, however, that the rebuke was not about his wandering eyes, but about his Occlumency. No matter what the doppelgänger thought and despite his urge for Draco to approach Granger, he still was not ready to go without his Occlumency. Although the signs were good, Draco was not one to gamble.
Now, with two pairs of eyes on him, it was getting too much for Draco. He could feel his Occlumency giving way and needed some distance. Under the pretext of getting a glass of water from the kitchen, as if a quick Aguamenti would not be easier, he retreated into the kitchen.
The running tap must have drowned out the sound of her light footfall because Draco nearly dropped his glass when he suddenly heard her say, "I have forgiven you. A long time ago. You haven't forgotten that, right?"
Her question came so out of the blue that Draco was left utterly speechless. His mind went momentarily blank and he merely looked at her, blinking slowly.
Watching him closely, Granger's gaze wandered over his face before she smiled compassionately.
"Your Occlumency is weakening." She was only voicing what he had known for a long time. Not much longer and he would be left without his precious skill. The thought was frightening. Soon he would be like an open book to her, completely without protection. It was what he had always been afraid of: not being able to choose the moment of his vulnerability. Yet, Draco had no choice but to accept it and so he laughed humorlessly.
"Is it that obvious?" Of course, it was, but he had to ask the question anyway. Her slow nod was enough confirmation for him. Slowly she turned off the tap and took the glass from him to put it in the sink. She moved cautiously as if he were a frightened animal.
"It's a good thing, though." What could possibly be even remotely good about the situation, Draco could not say. He held onto the counter, hoping it would ground him. He could not let Granger see his inner turmoil. He just could not.
"You think so?" he asked her incredulously, while everything in him screamed to run away, to hide. However, Granger had such a pull on him that he stood there transfixed, feeling everything slip away.
"I like it better. I like you better this way." Suddenly, all the screaming and the urge to flee ceased and silence reigned in his mind for a moment. It was the last clue he had needed to believe what his double had said.
Granger liked them both .
Knowing that, Draco had to have her. He let the silence between them spread a little more, carefully memorizing this moment as the turning point he had always hoped for. It was a special moment, a particularly radiant periwinkle blue file.
He would file everything neatly away. The way she looked at him, all embarrassed. The way she smelled, that scent of her hair that got him hooked. The way she smiled, just for him.
Excitement flooded through him in abundance. He had not felt such a drive for a long time, all triggered by Hermione Granger. Step by step, he walked towards her, until she could no longer retreat. He had Granger trapped between him and the kitchen counter, his arms on either side of her, caging her in. Draco had waited long enough, had been holding back due to uncertainty, but now it was his turn. Bending down, he pressed his face into the hair by her ear, her wonderful scent enveloping him.
"He let me in on a secret." Draco whispered the words softly into her ear, as if it was a secret of its own. He could feel a slight shiver run through her.
"What secret?" Her breath brushed across his neck and Draco had to restrain himself. Just a little longer and... it would be worth all the waiting. Only Merlin knew how long he had waited already.
"He told me about the kiss." Granger gasped. Now, all that was missing was the killing blow. Draco leaned back enough to see her reaction to his next sentence.
"Or should I say kisses ?" Her eyes widened in shock, her gaze inevitably falling to his lips. Draco had her right where he wanted her.
"He said you returned the kiss." His face was now level with hers, he could feel her quick breaths against his lips, could almost taste her.
"Did you, Granger?" With her eyes fixed on his lips, her tongue flicked out of her mouth, moistening her lips.
