Chapter 4: A Phoenix Burns Into Ashes

The night upon returning from Chengrong Mansion, Hou took special enjoyment from teasing Jing by whispering into his ear. "That was supposed to be your good buddy. Did you see how he looked at you? What did that tell you? That you're nooothiiiing…"

Jing had no reaction. He was mentally exhausted and wanted to sleep. He hoped that Hou would let him sleep in peace for once. But Hou didn't like this non-reaction. This was the time when Jing should break into tears and beg for mercy, but the poor excuse for a man just lay there unmoving. After passing out momentarily from the pain, Jing woke alone with his cheek still resting on the cold floor. He managed to open one swollen eye and stared dejectedly at his flayed hands. He wouldn't get to play his beloved guqin ever again. He recalled that day when Hou destroyed the power that coursed through his hands.

Hou had kicked him in the abdomen which sent him reeling, but his outward reaction was less than how he felt. He pressed down on his stomach where Hou's foot struck, but his face remained impassive. Hou huffed and signaled a command to his assistant torturer. The man cast a fireball on the furnace in the corner and let the charcoals in it soak up the heat. He stuck a knife on the furnace for a time before handing it to Hou.

Hou stomped hard on Jing's outstretched left palm, then kneeled down and carved out an inch-wide circle on the inside of Jing's arm five inches from the wrist. He continued to make the circling motion with the hot knife on the spot that channeled power to Jing's music. He felt Jing's attempt to pull his hand out from under his foot, and he smiled – finally a reaction. Once he deemed the edges of the circle deep enough, Hou pinched the side and peeled the entire round piece of skin off. Jing's whole body trembled and he let out a pained groan. Hou did the same at the same spot on Jing's right arm.

Out of sheer malice, Hou kicked the side of Jing's face sending him rolling once and ending up faced down on the floor. Hou made like he was wiping the edge of his knife clean, but instead of cloth, he used the back of Jing's hands. A large part of the skin burned in contact with the flaming hot blade. Hou scraped at the scorched flesh until the inside was exposed.

Since he developed a deep hatred for his brother, Hou somehow envisioned a final battle between them. He gradually got more fixated on Jing's greatest source of power and got obsessed in destroying it. That night, the task was complete.

Jing lay in the dungeon in abject resignation. Hou was right. I'm nothing. He was nothing without the Tu Shan name. Nothing without the clothing. Nothing without money. Nothing without his unique musical abilities. And there he was traveling the world looking out for a girl to spend a lifetime with. He was a fool to think anyone would like him for himself. What was he? He wasn't even a man anymore. I'm nothing. He closed his eyes and wished for death to overtake him right then.


For the first time in years, Hou woke up feeling alive and completely sure of himself. He felt so confident that he no longer saw the need to take Jing's life by his own hands. He should let nature take its course, and he knew just the right place to let that happen.

It was a long road to the mortal world, Qingshui Town in particular, beyond the borders of Dahuang kingdoms. It was the perfect place for someone worthless to meet his end. Once Hou spotted a river, he knew the journey was over. He took one last look at the ragged form by his feet and sneered.

"The Tu Shan clan only has one rightful heir. I will protect it with my life. You can die in peace."

Jing believed it and was grateful to hear that final message. Hou would make a good clan heir. He was the only rightful heir from the beginning. Hou would never hurt legitimate members of the Tu Shan Clan, and Jing was no longer one of them. He never truly felt as one of them; he could admit that now.

The cold water slashed at his open wounds but it didn't matter; the pain would be gone soon. He felt his body sinking and was relieved that it was finally over. He gave in to unconsciousness with a faint smile on his lips. But because his body was so light and relaxed, his descent halted immediately and he floated back to the surface. He drifted face up along the river's path all night toward the deeper part of town until his body grazed the riverbank's edge some time in the early hours of dawn.

He remained unconscious for a time until he heard the distinct sound of birds chirping across the distance. His eyes wouldn't open due to his bruised and swollen eyelids, but he could tell that half of his body anchored itself on grassy earth. Since the lower half of his body was still floating on water and the upper half exposed in the air, his body shivered uncontrollably. Instinctively, he rolled to face the ground. He grabbed hold of grass to propel himself out of the water. His wet body mixed with the soil that by the time he was fully out of the river, he was covered in mud. Why did he even bother to crawl? Better to just stay put. What seemed like a long distance was actually just a space of one meter. It was enough to sap his energy, and he passed out.

A sharp sting woke him as if he was stabbed by a needle. He wasn't aware that it was a crane that pecked on the fleshy part of his leg. He assumed he was back in the dungeon and the torture was about to start again. The quick stab on his leg must've been the torturer's way of teasing him. But he no longer cared as he felt his life would not outlast whatever series of torment Hou had planned for the day.

He heard the flapping of wings which he found unusual. Why would there be a bird inside the dungeon? He then heard rustling like that of grass blades then a voice of someone speaking nearby. He caught broken words, first loudly but gradually trailed off.

"Mind… own business…carefree life…" Someone uttered them in a kind of sing-song tone. Jing managed to slightly open one of his swollen eyelids, and he realized he wasn't in the dungeon at all. He was lying on muddy ground by a river, and the voice he heard was behind the tall grass in front of him. What does it matter? It wasn't like that person would help him. Mind own business… carefree life. He no longer had any business in this world to mind. He was now without care and free to live out his remaining moment quietly. What to do then while he had breath?... The sun… It would be nice to see the sun again. Funny, his flesh felt like it was burning, yet he longed to see the sun. It would be a good enough death if he got to gaze at the sun one more time. Hence, he crawled out of the grass as much as his remaining energy could manage. He passed out again after a short distance out of the grass stalks.

By mid-day, Ma Zi and Chuan Zi decided to take a stroll by the river. They found a beggar lying there unmoving and they squatted at a distance to observe while munching on the sesame seed cakes they brought for a snack.

"Is he dead?" Ma Zi asked.

Chuan Zi shrugged and kept observing. He was startled when he saw the beggar's hand move, and he wondered if it was one of those post-mortem spasms that Xiao Liu once described. But when the beggar moved his hand slightly to the side, he knew that the man was certainly still alive.

"Where'd he come from?" Mazi asked.

Chuan Zi shook his head and shrugged again. Ma Zi looked down on his flat cake and decided he could spare some to the poor man. He tore a small piece for one last munch and tossed the rest to the beggar. The cake landed just a few inches from the beggar's hand but there was no reaction. Chuan Zi plucked a wildflower that bloomed near the river and tossed it over. He hoped to rouse the beggar, but it landed about the same distance as the bread.

"Beggar," Chuan Zi said. 'You need to eat, how will you beg without energy?"

Old Mu called from a distance saying a customer arrived to buy herbal medicine. Ma Zi and Chuan Zi felt sorry for the beggar but Qingshui Town wasn't short of people like him so they left him to fate.

Jing heard the voices though the words were fuzzy. They were surely passersby just like any other, and likely didn't even notice he was there, not that it mattered. It was just a bit disappointing that he ended up somewhere shady. The trees likely formed a canopy above him, which was too bad. It would've been so nice to stare at the sun until he breathed his last. But then he no longer had the energy to roll over on his back anyway. He wouldn't be able to look at the sun in any case.

What else was there? He managed to lift his head a little above ground and with one eye slightly open, he found a curious sight – a flower, a red flower just near his reach. He could settle for a flower. It would be his last and only beautiful thing. A nothing with a flower was still something.

He figured he needed just a little bit of effort to reach the flower. He pulled himself forward… just a bit more…a bit more. Each thrust took so much energy; it was ridiculous that something so near could be so out of reach. Jing could feel the life getting sucked out of him, but having started he could no longer quit. Just... a bit... more. When his hand finally wrapped around the stem, a surge of gratitude arose from his heart. No more music from his damaged hand, but it could still hold a flower. His dry lips stretched a little into a smile and he closed his eyes. He was at peace.

The End


Notes:

Gosh, so much suffering. Imagining all this made Jing's happy ending in canon all the more sweeter for me.
I wrote this pretty quickly just to get the idea out of my head, so it reads dry. Maybe I'll edit later to add more flair...maybe.

The exchange between Ma Zi and Chuan Zi were, of course, directly lifted from canon.

The flaying of the skin on Jing's hands is inspired by the make-up/prosthetic done on the actor. It looked so real that if it was real life, the motive would've been out of pure malice. Hou is such a twisted character it could only be him.

The last bit about Jing holding the flower was in the series but not in the novel, and it's a beautiful and meaningful enhancement that explained why Xiao Liu decided to pick Jing up and help him.