Siuan had enough time in between appointments to pick up dinner from her favorite food cart. She texted in her order and ducked into the Tower of Books bookstore, desperate for a new read.
She'd have a few minutes to browse before they texted her that her food was ready, and she needed a new book to keep her busy when she wasn't wrangling her business ledger into some semblance of order. She was a little more well-read than she was organized, but she'd long since come to peace with that.
Today, Alanna had someone at the counter, so Siuan nodded to her and moved toward the shelf that housed the new arrivals, just to one side of the counter. Siuan caught some of the conversation, and Alanna's typical customer service tone was absent. She must know this woman, but one glance told Siuan she wasn't a regular. She was in Alanna's shop all the time and she would have noticed this woman.
She was white, maybe a little shorter than average, slim, with dark hair that came just past her shoulders, loose and a little wild. She wore a long blue wool coat and was leaning against the bookshelf that made up the front of the counter, looking at home-Siuan immediately knew this woman would feel at home anywhere.
"How long are you in town?" Alanna asked, just as the woman looked up at Siuan's approach. Their eyes met, and a jolt ran down Siuan's spine at how familiar she seemed-even though she'd never seen her before.
Of course she had blue eyes, Siuan thought, a little wildly, and then she blinked and the woman had turned back to Alanna.
"A few weeks or so, I think. Lan's show opens next week, and I already told my agent that I'm not available before that finishes. I should have another assignment soon, but until then I'll just be taking care of odds and ends." Her voice was low, melodic and calm.
She certainly didn't sound as if anything unusual had just happened. Siuan shook herself mentally and put her attention firmly on the shelf of books in front of her.
"I suppose you'll be seeing your family?" Alanna said disparagingly.
A beat, and then a measured, "Yes, I've already received a couple of texts from Catherine."
"I don't know why you bother visiting them at all, considering-"
"It's just dinner," the woman said, her tone as even as before. "A few hours of my life, and it helps me remember why I don't visit more often."
Siuan stifled a smile. She should not be listening in, but it was nearly impossible in the small, quiet shop to avoid overhearing.
Alanna sighed. "Still." She paused and then said, "I'll help fill up your calendar, maybe keep you away from them for a night or two, anyway. My birthday's this weekend and I'm having people over."
"That's right!" the woman said, sounding genuinely pleased. "Well, finally some good timing. I don't suppose you want any books for a present?"
Alanna laughed. "I think I have enough," she said drily. "Although Siuan tries to relieve me of as many as possible."
Siuan started at the sound of her name. She turned to find Alanna gesturing at her, and both women looking amused at her expression that certainly showed her guilt at eavesdropping.
"Siuan, meet Moiraine; Moiraine, Siuan. She's the tattoo artist neighbor I was telling you about."
"Don't believe a word," Siuan said automatically. "I assure you, I can draw a straight line." Moiraine didn't laugh-which was fair, as it was a terrible joke-, but her eyes crinkled. Siuan wondered what a real smile would look like on her face.
"Pleasure," Moiraine said, extending a hand.
Siuan hesitated for just a second before taking it, only to feel a little silly when it was a perfectly normal handshake. What had she expected?
"Alanna said you've done more marketing for her than she has," Moiraine said.
Siuan shrugged. "People need to talk about something when getting a tattoo, and I read a lot myself."
"You read more than I do," Alanna said, eyes sparkling.
Siuan acknowledged this only by tilting her head. It was true, and perhaps a little point of pride-but not one she was willing to admit to.
Her phone buzzed. She plucked it from her pocket and saw the notification from the cart. She sighed and said, "Looks like I'll be doing actual work during dinner tonight-my food's ready, and I haven't found a new book."
With a mischievous smile, Alanna pulled a book off a stack behind the counter and, so quickly all Siuan could see was that it had a blue cover, dropped it into one of her shop's paper bags. "Take this one. I just got them in, so you're guaranteed a fresh read." She held it out, giving it a little shake. "No charge."
Siuan's eyes narrowed. "Why-"
"Why not?" Alanna said breezily. "Are you really going to look a gift book in the spine?"
Still suspicious, Siuan took the bag. Addressing Moiraine, she said, "She's not this generous; don't let her fool you."
"Being generous to you all the time would run me out of business," Alanna retorted. "Take it and go get your dinner."
Siuan checked her watch and decided to let the matter rest… for now.
"I'll text you the details about my party," Alanna said as Siuan departed, bag in hand. "And you will come this time."
"We'll see!" Siuan said.
As the door closed behind her, she just barely caught Moiraine saying "Why on earth would you give her that-"
But if she said more, or if Alanna replied, she didn't hear.
Between a long line at the food cart and a semi-urgent email from a client, she didn't have time to read during dinner after all. It was only later that night, when she finally had time to take the book out, that she thought she might understand. The cover was blue, mostly-the clear blue of a cloudless sky, with ruins of a castle in the foreground. The author's name was "Moiraine Damodred."
She had texted Alanna a "haha very funny" last night before going to sleep, and woke up to a single, smug smiley face in response. She took the book with her to work anyway; she really did need something new to read, and she had a lot of downtime scheduled today. She always scheduled some time to work on designs for upcoming appointments, but she already had her weekend clients ready to go: one client was on appointment number two for a large-scale piece on her back, and most of her others were either touch-ups or consultations.
There was something familiar about the name Damodred, but Siuan couldn't place it. Between her first and second clients, she read the forward and first chapter of the book, and then went immediately to the internet.
Moiraine Damodred was a midlist author whose books all seemed to receive good but not great reviews. She wrote about her extensive travels, and the places she visited weren't exactly on the beaten path. There was something about the list of places she'd been that tickled Siuan's brain, but she couldn't put her finger on it.
Despite her books, the woman herself remained somewhat of a mystery. She came from money, that was obvious by the few news items that mentioned her. All of the stories were about high-profile social events. There were a few photographs-all of them either obscuring her face or taken in dim lighting that created the same effect. Mostly, however, she seemed to prefer a life out of the limelight.
The book she'd written was a fairly slight thing, light on details about her life and more concerned with the grounded, mundane parts of travel-the people she'd met, the food she'd tried, the logistical hassles she'd faced trying to get into or out of one country or another. There was a beautiful set of photos in the middle of the book, all taken by a Lan Mandragoran, who apparently accompanied Moiraine on all her trips.
Siuan told herself there was no reason to be disappointed at that piece of knowledge.
She finished the book over the course of the day, and decided to stop by the bookshop on her way home. Alanna wasn't there, but the fresh-faced assistant who rang her up handed her an envelope with her stack of books.
"Alanna had her Krav Maga class but she said to give this to you…" the girl looked nervous as she continued, "and said to tell you that you better not make a lame excuse to duck out of it this year."
Siuan stared at the girl, who went a little green under the scrutiny before stiffening her spine.
When Siuan laughed, the girl visibly slumped in relief.
"She's an asshole for making you give that to me instead of just texting me herself," Siuan said, adding "And you can tell her I said so." She got a grin for that, and a cheerful farewell. It was good that the girl had a sense of humor, and some force of will. Most of the assistants Alanna hired didn't last long-if the grind of retail didn't do them in, Alanna's high standards and warped sense of humor did. If this one lasted another week, Siuan would have to learn her name.
It was a nice night, so Siuan decided to walk home, despite the late hour. Before she left the well-lit street for the more atmospheric riverwalk, she opened the envelope and found an invitation listing Alanna's address, a date, and a time, and a hastily-scrawled note at the bottom: "NO GIFTS!" This was underlined twice, and then, underneath, a more-hastily scrawled "(unless it's booze)."
Siuan pocketed the invitation and slung her latest bag of books on her shoulder. The riverwalk was pretty safe, but it never hurt to pay attention. She rounded the first bend and caught a glimpse of a woman walking ahead of her, her long coat flowing around her.
It couldn't be-the odds against running into her twice in two days were astronomical. And yet there was no doubt in Siuan's mind. She called out before she thought about it.
"Moiraine!"
The woman whirled, eyes wide, body tensed as if ready to flee.
Siuan, a little embarrassed, gave a little wave. "It's Siuan, from the bookstore yesterday-sorry, didn't mean to startle you."
Moiraine relaxed, regaining the poise Siuan had recognized at first. She let Siuan get a few steps closer before she responded. "I didn't expect anyone to…" she paused.
"...shout your name on a darkened pathway?" Siuan said, ruefully. "Not my most thoughtful moment."
Moiraine studied her and then gave a slight shrug. "No harm done."
Now that she was closer, Siuan could see that beneath her coat, she was wearing a dress and heels-not a very practical choice for a stroll along the river. "Are you going somewhere?"
"Coming from dinner, actually," Moiraine said.
"Ah, right-the family?" Siuan guessed.
"Yes," Moiraine said, again declining to elaborate.
Siuan took the hint and said, "I don't know how far you're going, but I live a few blocks downstream-if you wouldn't mind some company?"
Moiraine looked around, as if just now taking stock of where she was. "I don't know how long I was walking, but I don't have too much farther to go," she said, now sounding rueful herself. "I wasn't really thinking about the distance when I left."
Siuan hummed non-committedly.
"Company would be nice," Moiraine said.
They walked along for a few yards. Siuan had a ground-eating stride but even with heels on, it didn't seem like Moiraine had trouble keeping up. Siuan stopped paying attention to managing her pace, instead wondering what else to say.
Moiraine solved this difficulty by gesturing to the bag of books Siuan was carrying. "I see you needed other reading material after all."
"Oh, yes-well…I finished yours already," Siuan said cautiously.
"Alanna said you read fast, but, well… it took a lot longer than one day to write," Moiraine said.
Siuan laughed. "I'm sure."
"So? What's the verdict?"
Siuan hesitated a moment too long, and Moiraine laughed. "You hated it!"
"No!" Siuan said, sincerely. "It was really good, very well-written, just-" she hesitated again, and then decided what the hell, "-just a little… safe. You have all of these beautiful stories, with all these amazing people in them, but you're not. In them."
Moiraine wasn't laughing now. In fact, she seemed a little affronted… and then she let out a huff. "You know, I only wrote the first one…" she glanced sidelong at Siuan. "The truth is, I never meant to become an author."
"Why'd you start writing, then?"
Moiraine took a while to respond. Finally, she said, "I was in a tough spot. I needed to let people know what happened to me." She shrugged. "The book did well enough that my agent thought… well, they asked me if I'd consider going somewhere else. I said yes. That's when Lan started coming along."
"So you met because of your work? His photographs are stunning."
"He's world-class-much too good for my books, really," Moiraine agreed with a rueful smile.
"How long have you been together?"
There was a short silence, and Siuan began to be afraid she'd overstepped, somehow.
"We've been traveling together for about twelve years-but we're not together."
"Oh!" Siuan said. "Sorry, I assumed-"
"People do," Moiraine said, and now she seemed a little stiff. Then she sighed again. "No, I'm sorry. It's not-it's just that some people are kind of shitty about it."
Siuan wondered if "some people" included her family.
"What about you?" Moiraine asked, and for a wild moment, Siuan thought she was asking if she was single. But Moiraine said, "How'd you end up here? You're not exactly my picture of a tattoo artist."
Siuan told her heart to stop racing. "Oh?" she asked, innocently. "How so?"
Now it was Moiraine's turn to grin-a quick thing that broke her serene expression for just a second. "I deserve that." When Siuan just waited expectantly, she finally said, "No offense, but you're a little… more mature than I would have expected."
Siuan raised an eyebrow. "Older?"
"No! Well… yes," Moiraine admitted. "But mostly I meant that I-foolishly-expected a certain type of young, reckless entrepreneur from Alanna's description. She's mentioned you for a few years, but I had the impression you were just starting out back when you moved in."
"Second career," Siuan said, letting her off the hook. "Art was just a hobby. I always wanted to practice law, but I got burned out and ended up 'throwing my life away,' according to everyone in my family other than my dad."
Moiraine paused and then said, "What kind of lawyer were you?"
"Contract lawyer. Turns out that etching permanent art into people's skin is much less stressful, go figure."
"I don't doubt it," Moiraine said, a little more fervently than Siuan expected from anyone not familiar with high-powered boardrooms. At Siuan's questioning glance, Moiraine added, "There's more than one reason I chose a line of work that takes me far away from this city most of the time."
"Lots of lawyers in your family?" Siuan guessed.
"Dozens."
Another shared smile.
They walked in silence for a minute or two. It wasn't a completely comfortable silence; Siuan felt too present, too aware. Her skin prickled with Moiraine's nearness, and yet… she had no real nervousness. She discarded any number of conversational gambits, but not because she was afraid Moiraine would think them too boring or esoteric. She thought she could tell Moiraine anything and find her already on the same topic.
Siuan thought she could confess that very thought and Moiraine would understand, would say she felt the same way.
She was so lost in thought that it almost startled her when Moiraine was the one to break the silence.
"I can't believe I wore these shoes."
Siuan laughed. So much for synchronicity. "Exactly how far have you walked tonight?" she said.
"I started out near the Plaza."
Siuan whistled, impressed. The Plaza was at least six miles away; they were almost to her building, and she sometimes ran that way when she really wanted a good long run.
"I was very angry when I started walking," Moiraine admitted. "I think I'd just calmed down when you shouted at me."
Siuan almost-almost-protested with haughty dignity, but something urged her not to interject the false note. So she waited, letting the quiet night work for her.
Moiraine sighed. "My aunt thinks I should settle down, to… be closer to my uncle. It's been an ongoing argument between us for years. That would be bad enough, but the rest of them are just-"
Her fingers twitched, and Siuan was sure she shouldn't find that adorable. "Difficult?"
"Difficult, yes-but I would have said petty, manipulative, and back-stabbing." She gestured expansively. "They all want something. Catherine is at least honest about it, but-" she looked troubled. "I don't think she knows what she's really asking."
"Or she doesn't care," Siuan said.
Moiraine looked at her, then-really looked at her. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. That feeling of being on the same page resurfaced, and Siuan knew it wasn't just her, this time.
Their pace had gradually slowed, and they stopped in front of her building.
"Is this you?"
Siuan nodded. "You're not going too much farther, are you?"
Moiraine shook her head. "I'm just a couple more blocks, thank God." She paused, then said, "You'll be at Alanna's party, then?"
Siuan nodded. "Half-tempted to get her something truly sentimental and useless."
"I already did," Moiraine said, not a trace of guilt marring her smug expression.
Siuan laughed. "I can't wait to hear her bitching about it." She tilted her head. "If you're that close, do you want to share an Uber?"
"I'd love to," Moiraine said, and then she was handing Siuan her phone so she could put in her number, and when they'd said goodbye and Siuan was just stepping into her apartment, she got a text.
It just said: Thanks for the company
Siuan put the number in her contacts, told her heart to stop racing, and then wrote back: Anytime.
Siuan texted a rough plan to Moiraine the next morning, just before taking herself to work. She had her most demanding appointment first, at ten, and then a couple of consultations. In between, she checked her phone and ironed out the details for that evening. She told herself to stop being quite so excited; sharing a cab meant nothing… but she didn't quite believe it.
As soon as her last appointment was done, she closed up and rushed home to shower and change. She knew time would be tight, so she'd laid everything out earlier: slim black pants, a slinky gold top that plunged almost to her waist, with a necklace to draw the eye. Her hair just needed a little refresh and she was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when she got the text from Moiraine that she was ready.
She bundled herself into her coat and put on heels-they'd be worth the pain tonight-and was out the door.
They'd planned almost too well for time; Siuan was only barely outside when their Uber arrived, and then the trip itself was a jumble of settling phone and keys into coat pockets, and responding to their overly chatty driver. Thus, it wasn't until they were in the elevator to Alanna's floor that she actually got a good look at Moiraine. Her cheeks were flushed a bright pink and her hair was up in a style that looked about two hairpins away from collapsing entirely. Siuan wanted to see how many hairpins it would actually take-Moiraine's eye caught hers and Siuan warmed, grateful that her skin didn't show her blushes.
On Alanna's floor, they heard the noise of the party before they even reached her door, and they gave each other a pained look before Moiraine reached out to knock. Someone-not Alanna-opened the door and the noise hit them both like a physical blow. Siuan barely kept herself from placing a hand in the small of Moiraine's back, covered by gesturing for her to go in first and then closing the door behind them.
Alanna's apartment was spacious but with so many people, it was already warm.
"Let me take your coat," Siuan said, turning back to Moiraine just as she let her coat slide off her shoulders. She brought it around and handed it off to Siuan, who was dumbstruck at the way her dress-a deep, shimmery thing that shifted from blue to black-wrapped around her frame and flared at her hips. All that was enough on its own, but then Alanna called Moiraine's name and she turned away, revealing a low-cut back that showed off her elegant neck and shoulders.
Siuan's mouth went dry, and she barely managed to catch her own coat as she shrugged out of it.
Moiraine waved to Alanna and turned back, freezing. Her gaze was… a little lower than her face, and in the split-second it took her to snap her eyes back up, Siuan got herself under a semblance of control, enough to manage as Alanna came up and slung an arm around Moiraine, giving Siuan an all-too-knowing smirk.
"You can put your coats in my bedroom," she said to Siuan. Then, to Moiraine, "You're coming with me-I have about sixteen people to introduce you to tonight." And then they were gone, leaving Siuan to her own devices. She shook herself and dropped off the coats before going to find a drink.
At the bar, she ran into Ihvon, who put down two newly-poured drinks in order to give her a hug. "Long time no see," he said, a soft smile on his face.
"I've been keeping busy," Siuan replied.
"Ah, I think you need to be a little less busy sometimes and spend more time relaxing."
"Maybe," Siuan said, teasing. "Or maybe you're not being kept busy enough." She looked around. "Where is Maksim, anyway?"
Ihvon laughed. He nodded over her shoulder. "He told me to rescue him in about-" he checked his watch. "-three minutes. Alanna has him running interference on-well, I probably shouldn't say." He mouthed a name at her and she stifled a laugh.
"I've been caught in that trap a time or two," Siuan said.
"Only way to keep her from latching onto anyone in particular is to keep her moving," Ihvon agreed.
"Speaking of which, I should probably let you take that to the appropriate party," Siuan said, indicating the second drink.
"Maksim is probably wondering what's taking so long." Ivhon clasped her shoulder briefly before taking the drinks in hand. "Enjoy the party!"
Siuan ordered a martini and took a couple of sips before diving back into the throng. She knew quite a few of Alanna's friends by now, and liked most of them. She made the rounds, chatting about her work with some people, politics with others, and literature with the rest.
Every time she saw Alanna, someone was chatting her up and she was flirting shamelessly with Ivhon or Maksim-whoever was closer at hand. She always had that effect of drawing everyone's attention, was always the boldest thing in the room. She gave off a manic edge of possibility, as if anything could happen in the next moment. Siuan had been caught up once or twice when Alanna's parties turned truly wild, and had never regretted the experience.
But tonight, Siuan's eye was caught by someone else. She would find herself looking to the side and see Moiraine, always all the way across the room, always involved in a conversation when Siuan wasn't, or vice versa. Their eyes would meet, each time seeming as if they were holding a silent conversation even as they laughed and chatted with others.
About two and a half hours in, Siuan had just finished discreetly stuffing her face with hors d'oeuvres and was finishing off her second cocktail when she spotted Moiraine again. This time, Moiraine was by the door, holding her own empty plate and talking with Liandrin.
Of all Alanna's friends, Siuan liked Liandrin the least. She was always condescending, superior, and she tried too hard to ingratiate herself. Something about her body language with Moiraine rubbed her the wrong way, too-she was leaning.
As Siuan watched, Liandrin brought a hand up and traced Moiraine's jaw. Moiraine didn't physically recoil, but she didn't lean in, either-just stood there with an expression somewhere between perplexed and amused. Liandrin said something else, but Moiraine didn't respond, and Liandrin turned away with a smug little shrug. Moiraine didn't watch her go; instead, she raised her eyes unerringly in Siuan's direction, and their gazes met. Siuan flicked a look at Liandrin's departing back and raised her eyebrows. Moiraine gave a slight shrug-what can you do?-and then Siuan was walking to her, never breaking eye contact even as she moved through the throng of people.
She reached Moiraine and, without thinking, took her empty plate, setting it and her empty glass aside on a shelf nearby. She held out a hand, and Moiraine took it, no questions asked even when Siuan moved them toward the bedroom. She had some vague idea about their coats, but the second they were in the room Siuan closed the door behind them and reached for Moiraine.
Moiraine was already moving to meet her-hands on her shoulders, leaving room for Siuan to hold her waist, and they were kissing. It was the most natural thing in the world, completely inevitable. Moiraine held onto her and backed up until Siuan was pressing her into the door, only just barely holding onto coherence and way out of her comfort zone.
She broke away, said, a little wildly, "I don't do this."
Moiraine, flushed pink and her lips plump, her eyes a little glazed, shook her head. "I never do this," she said, making it sound like an agreement.
Siuan kissed her again. Moiraine's lips parted, and Siuan tasted her and never wanted to stop tasting her. She had wanted to do this all night; she wanted to do this for the rest of the night-.
A thud. They broke apart again, Siuan utterly incapable of understanding what had interrupted them.
From behind the door, a muffled voice said, "I don't know, it didn't open-" The door handle turned. "No, it's not locked. Maybe someone's in there?"
A loud knock. "Hey! Uh… sorry to interrupt, but we kinda need our stuff."
Moiraine's eyes were comically wide, and Siuan suspected hers matched, but she managed to say, loud enough to carry through the door. "Sorry! One second-"
Moiraine had taken a deep breath, closed her eyes, and was smoothing down her dress. Siuan grabbed their coats and fished out her wallet and cell phone before taking Moiraine's hand again-she was a little surprised that she didn't resist. Opening the door, she flashed a smile and held up her items. "Sorry again-grabbed my coat wrong and had to pick everything up."
There were two people on the other side, and neither seemed particularly interested in the details. "No problem," the first one said, brushing past them.
Siuan took Moiraine with her toward the door, looking for Alanna. She didn't see her in the living room, and hesitated for a moment.
"I'm ready to leave," Moiraine said, her body much closer than even this crowd warranted, her breath caressing Siuan's neck.
Hell with it; she could text Alanna later.
"Good," she said, and whisked them both out into the false bright light of the hallway. As they waited for the elevator, Moiraine took out her phone and tapped for an Uber. Siuan watched her put in Siuan's address, and hoped.
Their driver back wasn't nearly as chatty. Siuan wanted to take Moiraine's hand again, touch her, but she was afraid-either of getting too caught up in this or of Moiraine rebuffing her-so they sat in near-silence, listening to the soft music playing and the sound of the city passing by. Siuan finally looked over only to find Moiraine already looking back at her. She wasn't sure she breathed the rest of the ride home, or even when she got out of the car, Moiraine sliding out after her and taking her hand, not letting it go even after they stood on the sidewalk.
The whole world, Siuan thought, was meaningless, patterns and noise that fell around the two of them but didn't touch them, as if they were sealed away, protected in this moment.
She knew the answer before she asked. "Want to come up?"
"...Yes."
Siuan hadn't been lying when she said she didn't do this, and she just hoped she hadn't left anything too embarrassing lying around; it was too late to do anything about it now. But as she opened the door to her apartment, she realized it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Moiraine shucked her coat onto the back of the couch and then she slid her hands up inside Siuan's coat and pushed it over her shoulders and down her arms.
Siuan let it fall to the ground, intent only on kissing Moiraine again-an objective that she happily seemed to share. This kiss was marred by a few practical considerations: Siuan, attempting to get out of her heels, ended up tangled in her coat, necessitating a pause. But that pause facilitated Moiraine's own shoe removal, and then Siuan had the presence of mind to guide them both to the couch, sitting down and tugging Moiraine down with her. She'd intended them to end up side by side; instead, Moiraine hiked up her skirt, straddled Siuan's lap, and brought her lips to Siuan's without any hesitation.
They kissed, breathlessly, mindlessly, their bodies crashing together, their hands seeking and finding bare skin. Moiraine had her hands under Siuan's shirt, and Siuan found herself holding the back of her thighs, practically out of her mind with gratitude for Moiraine Damodred, who-.
-who pulled away, cheeks flushed, breathing hard and eyes dark. "I just-I need a moment," she said.
"Of course," Siuan said automatically, although it took her another beat to realize where her hands were and move them back to somewhere a little more respectable, thumbs brushing back and forth above Moiraine's knees, which she didn't seem to mind.
Siuan needed to kiss her again, but knew instinctively that beneath Moiraine's outward calm was something nervous, tentative.
She took a deep, slow breath, and then said, "Do you want something to drink? Coffee? Tea?"
Moiraine was studying her intently, her minute reactions showing that no gesture had gone unnoticed. It seemed she was as transparent to Moiraine as the reverse. Moiraine finally shook her head, slowly, eyes on Siuan the whole time.
Siuan brought a hand up and threaded her fingers into Moiraine's hair, and Moiraine leaned into the touch, eyes closing. So Siuan found a hairpin and drew it out, letting it fall to the floor behind them. She found another, and a third, and now Moiraine's eyes opened again. She started to reach up to help, but stopped when Siuan shook her head, letting Siuan keep pulling out hairpins one by one until her hair was completely loose, a cloud around her head that Siuan ran her fingers through gently, pulling Moiraine closer, until she kissed her again in a light question.
Moiraine responded by shifting to settle herself more comfortably and traced-not Siuan's tattoos-but her collarbone, her fingers intersecting each line and moving outward to the straps of her shirt. She looked up in a clear question, and Siuan nodded, sitting up as best she could and letting Moiraine tug her shirt up and over her head even as she reached behind her back to unfasten her bra, gratified when Moiraine didn't hesitate at all to pull it away and off, too.
Moiraine let out a satisfied sigh, which honestly made Siuan want to laugh a little. Instead, she arched her back in clear invitation to look, to touch, and Moiraine responded by leaning forward and kissing between her breasts, just over the centerpiece of her tattoo.
"Yes, it all has a meaning," Siuan said, who couldn't have cared less about symbology and stories of personal tragedy and triumph at the moment, but who was used to people's curiosity.
Moiraine shook her head again, sweeping her hands up Siuan's torso to cup her breasts. "Tell me later," she said, and kissed her again.
They went slower this time, but it still didn't seem like very long before Siuan broke away to say "That dress has got to go-" and Moiraine nodded, eyes dark and unfocused, clambering awkwardly off Siuan's lap while Siuan struggled to think, managing just in time to stand up herself and say "Bed-in here," before Moiraine actually stripped and rendered her completely brainless.
In her bedroom, Siuan left the door open to let light come in from the living room. Moiraine's dress turned out to have a side zipper, which she undid herself before Siuan reached her and pushed the fabric off her shoulders. The dress fell in a splendid cascade of fabric, leaving only a lacy pair of underwear to break up the expanse of smooth skin
"My god," Siuan breathed.
Moiraine turned back, a pleased look in her eyes, and this view was as good, or better. "Come here," she said, and Siuan went, eager to help as Moiraine started to tug off Siuan's trousers, pushing her own underwear off along with them and kicking them to the side. She reached down and picked Moiraine up, setting her on the bed, hooking fingers into her waistband and pulling off that lace, maintaining eye contact the whole time, Moiraine's eyes seeming to darken further.
She wanted… everything, but she settled for dropping to her knees in front of Moiraine, caressing up each leg, waiting until she heard Moiraine say, in a quiet but sure voice, "Please." And then she tasted, teased, licked, finding as many places as she could that led to noises-and she guessed she wasn't hearing half of what she might, someday, hear. She took her fingers, Moiraine's hips arching up into her, and slid first one, then another into her, bringing pressure just… there… and again, each time with more encouragement until Moiraine let go with a cry.
She almost pulled herself up onto the bed, knees aching, breathing hard, and found Moiraine reaching for her, overwhelming her with a ferocity she had not expected.
"What do you want?" she said-demanded, really, as if she needed to get Siuan off, right that second.
Siuan laughed and scooted up toward the pillows, taking one for herself and handing another to Moiraine, who took the hint and positioned it under Siuan's raised hips. "Hands-" Siuan said, and Moiraine swept her hands along Siuan's thighs, parting them.
"Tell me," Moiraine said, "tell me what you want." It was a promise, so Siuan told her what she wanted, and how much, and Moiraine obliged with a methodical, single-minded concentration that undid her almost as much as her touch.
Siuan thought she could get used to telling Moiraine what to do to her.
What finally tipped her over the edge was the way that Moiraine started to lean close, started to take ragged breaths, as if getting Siuan off was the most erotic thing she could think of.
Siuan, almost past words, gasped, "Touch yourself." Moiraine turned pink, but she tried and lost her balance, nearly knocking her head into Siuan's. Siuan rearranged them hastily, so they were entwined, so she could help, so she could see Moiraine's eyes close, see her bite her lip, so she could reach down and send herself tumbling after.
A while later they dragged their bodies under the covers. Siuan gathered Moiraine close, relishing how her warm weight fit against her body.
Moiraine shifted minutely, settling deeper into the bed with a sigh. "Do you think Alanna's going to speak to us again or do you think she was too distracted by her boyfriends to care we left early?"
"If she saw us leave, she'll probably never stop speaking to us about it."
Moiraine laughed at that, a little, and then was quiet for a moment, long enough that Siuan started to drift off a little.
"I warn you," Moiraine said, voice almost teasing but a little unsure, "I am about to fall asleep. So if you want me to go…"
Siuan tightened her arms, just a little. "Stay," she said, and there was a whole speech in there about wanting, loneliness, about how right this felt… and maybe Moiraine heard it, because she relaxed even more. Her breathing slowed, and Siuan breathed her in and fell asleep.
Moiraine was used to sleeping in new places, but she never really slept well, even at home. Therefore, it was a surprise that she woke after dawn, still happily cocooned in soft blankets, still warm and relaxed. Maybe a little sore, a little sticky, but those things just brought pleasant thoughts of last night to the surface.
She rolled onto her back. Siuan was nowhere to be seen, but there was the smell of coffee in the air, and a pleasant background noise that indicated she wasn't far away, either.
Sitting up, she saw her dress, rescued from the floor and draped onto the other side of the bed, accompanied by her underwear and bra-she was not blushing again, she refused-but next to that neat pile lay an incredibly fluffy red robe. She smiled at the clear invitation, letting herself feel all the heady rush of emotions for a moment before finding calmness again.
She got up and put it on, then wandered into the bathroom to put herself into some semblance of a human being-one without streaks of leftover mascara, and hair that resembled hair instead of a rat's nest. Satisfied, she padded out to the main living area. Siuan was dressed in a cozy sweater and loose pajama pants, her hair pulled back with a silky-looking headband. She was curled onto the couch-Moiraine briefly closed her eyes at the remembrance of how shamelessly she'd climbed into Siuan's lap last night-a book in one hand, mug in the other. She looked up as Moiraine approached and smiled, eyes bright.
"Morning-there's more coffee if you want some, or a kettle if you want tea."
"Tea for me," Moiraine said, heading for the little kitchen area-she thought it looked suspiciously clean, as if Siuan had been up for a while and had spent time cleaning all the places that normally collected dust. "Sorry to sleep so long," she said, putting the kettle on and rifling through a tiny, disused box of tea bags next to the stove.
"Oh, don't start apologizing. I would have stayed in bed if I could have, but I've always been an early riser." Siuan came over and sat on one of the stools by the counter. "Besides," she said with a grin, "you looked too peaceful to disturb."
Moiraine raised an eyebrow. Siuan just shrugged, apparently immune to whatever effect she had that made most people quail. It was yet another thing Moiraine liked about her.
The water finished boiling, Moiraine steeped her chosen tea and sat down on the other stool. "I like your robe," she said.
"I like you in it," Siuan said. In a low voice, she continued, "But I admit I want to get you out of it again."
The robe, which had been pleasantly cozy, was suddenly too warm.
Siuan smiled, obviously not missing a fraction of her response. She flicked her eyes to Moiraine's lips, leaning forward slightly-and then she straightened, stretched, arms above her head. Everything about her was relaxed, confident, and it imparted a certainty to Moiraine, too. She could do anything, and Siuan would roll with it. Part of her wanted to stand up and undo the robe, right now-but the larger part wanted tea, and maybe breakfast, and maybe a shower.
"Later," she said, and she couldn't help smiling at Siuan's pleased response-later wasn't never.
Siuan leaned back on her stool, hooking one foot around the leg of Moiraine's stool to help keep her balance.
"I was thinking that if you want food, we could go out or, if you want to shower, I can run down to the bakery and pick a few things up. I don't have to work until later this afternoon, so… unless you're already tired of me…"
She was already shaking her head. "No, I'd like that," she said, wondering if this was too fast, too much. She couldn't quite seem to keep worrying, however, especially when every time she said yes to Siuan, she witnessed that same pleased smile she was getting now - a smile that warmed her to her core.
Siuan got out towels and gave brief instructions about the shower's quirks before leaving her to her own devices. She showered quickly and was done before Siuan returned, using the time to dry her hair partially and snoop a little. Siuan's apartment wasn't a showy kind of beautiful, but it had cozy, warm colors, plenty of books-most, but not all, of which were on bookshelves-keepsakes and art that tended toward the nautical. There were some photos of various groups, but there were a few that had Siuan at various ages with a man Moiraine guessed was her father. She saw the resemblance between them around the eyes and in their smiles. These pictures were almost invariably taken around the water, and there were a couple where one or the other was holding an impressively massive fish.
She was just debating whether or not to pull out a photo album when Siuan's door swung open to admit a large, bright pink pastry box, and, behind it, Siuan.
"I think I bought a few too many things," she said, setting the box down on the counter. "But I figure whatever we don't eat I can take to Alanna."
Moiraine opened the box… which was crammed full of as many different kinds of pastries as any normal bakery carried, and laughed.
"Look, you try choosing just a few-stop laughing, it's not that funny-you try choosing just a few pastries when you realize you don't know anything about the person you have waiting in your apartment, and despite the fact that you feel like you've known her forever, you don't know if she likes blueberry or cinnamon scones!"
Moiraine had stopped laughing by the end of this speech. Siuan's eyes were widening, clearly not having meant to say that out loud. She took a breath, maybe meaning to walk it back, but paused when Moiraine reached out, laying a hand on her forearm.
"Cinnamon," she said, and, "I feel it, too."
It made everything more complicated; Moiraine would get another assignment, and she would be flying to another far-off place for months or a year, and Siuan was deeply rooted here. She could see that just by looking around her apartment. She could see it, she thought, in the way that Siuan was looking at her, now. Those eyes seemed to ask a question: If it's going to hurt, do you want to jump?
It was funny, Moiraine thought, how Siuan hadn't yet asked her a question she could say 'no' to.
Later, after they'd eaten and made plans to meet up again in a couple of days, Moiraine walked home, a little bit dazed. She had a thousand things to do while she was in town, and there was already precious little time to do them, never mind add in… whatever it was she was doing with Siuan.
She opened the door to her apartment and sighed as the familiar, bare walls confronted her. None of her unopened boxes were visible, of course, but there was so little out that they might have actually made the place feel more homey. Yet another thing she never seemed to have time to do.
She shook her head, reminding herself that this wasn't supposed to be homey. She'd only bought a place because it was easier to have somewhere familiar for when she was in town… and because she could afford it.
She opened her laptop to check her email. There were the usual work notices, but nothing she needed to deal with today. There was an email from Lan-unusual, as he hated email, but it was just a forwarded invitation to his gallery show. She copied that to her calendar and then replied back to let him know she would come.
Then she checked her to-do list and forced herself to start working on it, planning a morning and afternoon that would let her enjoy an evening in.
When her phone chimed a little after four in the afternoon, her heart leaped and she very nearly dropped one of her bags of groceries. It could have been Catherine, or Lan, or any number of professional acquaintances, but she knew it was Siuan. She fumbled her way into the apartment, managing to set down her bags before disaster struck, and fished her phone out of her bag.
6pm canceled. Dinner?
Moiraine responded immediately, Yes! and then frowned at the screen, thinking about the logistics of food type, order, delivery-but her phone chimed again.
I put an order in at El Matador already-they deliver. :) This was followed by the address to Siuan's business-which Moiraine recognized, having looked her up online like any prudent person might have. And she had mentioned she hadn't had good Mexican food for a couple of years.
Sounds great - see you soon she sent back, then hurriedly put her forgotten groceries away before briefly wondering if she should change and deciding she didn't have enough time.
She made it to Siuan's shop just as the delivery girl was leaving, and waited a few seconds outside, making herself take a couple of deep breaths. Having restored an outward sense of calm that she didn't quite feel, she pushed the door open and walked inside.
The shop was as unlike the stereotypical image of a tattoo parlor as it was like Siuan. It felt spacious, with a front area that had a couple of seats and a worn bookshelf heavily weighted with popular literature, magazines, and one tidy shelf that just housed nondescript black binders. There was a counter, and a screen that hid the back area from the waiting area and the street. Art filled the walls - some hand-drawn, some photos of finished tattoos. Interspersed here and there were paintings-these all had various artists' names attached, and some had prices.
"Moiraine? Come back here!" Siuan called, and she obeyed, coming around the screen to find a table, an adjustable chair, a stool, and bright lighting that would obviously make it easier to see the design on skin. This area was immaculate. There was nothing out of place, and everything that needed to be was clearly sterile judging by the slight antiseptic smell. Beyond this was an open door to a backroom that looked like any other backroom in America - bland, nondescript, with worn linoleum flooring, a counter that housed a bleak-looking coffee machine, a small fridge, and a tiny table that had been shoved into the corner with two chairs.
Siuan was setting out the food, cramming the table full until she had to utilize the top of the fridge, too.
"Well," she said, turning to Moiraine, "I hope you don't mind dining in luxury." She grinned, obviously not actually worried but also issuing a slight challenge: I'm not going to pretend; take it or leave it.
Moiraine took off her coat, hooking it onto the back of one of the chairs before sliding into it. "If you'd seen some of the places I've eaten over the years, you'd know this is fine."
Siuan dropped into the other chair and said, "I don't really use this room much. It came like this, and since I don't have an employee, I just left it alone. Can't eat out there, though-" she gestured through the open doorway. "No food allowed, even if it's just me."
"Sensible," Moiraine said, having never given the matter any thought herself.
Siuan indicated the food and the next few moments were spent passing different platters around before Siuan stacked several of them precariously onto the fridge. This gave them enough room to eat, although it was close. "It really is dire," Siuan said, looking around. "But I wanted to see you tonight and this was the only way I could think of."
Moiraine blushed and took a sip of soda-not that it seemed to matter, as Siuan was still grinning at her.
"Try that first," Siuan said, pointing to an enchilada with mole sauce, and they spent a few minutes alternately eating and praising the food. It really had been a while since she'd had anything approaching decent Mexican food, and her own favorite spot in the city had closed in the time she'd been gone.
This was a good replacement, and she savored the food and the company, both. Neither she nor Siuan seemed to feel the need to talk much, and she found herself free to study the other woman. Today, she had her hair pulled back, accentuating the planes of her face and her warm, expressive eyes. She was wearing a loose, short-sleeved T-shirt with a neckline that gaped a bit when she leaned forward, showing off her tattoos. Moiraine was curious about them, of course-but she hadn't missed how Siuan reacted yesterday and wanted Siuan to tell her about them in her own time.
She was already distracted by her thoughts, and so when Siuan matter-of-factly said, "We're going to have to rethink tomorrow, too," she nodded her agreement before the meaning penetrated.
"What?" she said, rather stupidly.
"I'm booked through the evening," Siuan said, "but maybe brunch?"
"Siuan…" Moiraine protested, a little less than half-heartedly. She wanted to be convinced.
Just then, Siuan leaned forward, and her loose T-shirt gaped, drawing Moiraine's eye down. "Maybe breakfast," she said, and it wasn't quite a question anymore.
"Fine," Moiraine said, giving in, again. "But I'm buying this time." Struck by a sudden idea, she said, "And you're coming with me to Lan's gallery opening."
Siuan grinned, and Moiraine's stomach flipped. "Deal."
Moiraine left after dinner, walking back to her apartment, slightly dazed and enjoying the feeling. Her bubble burst when she opened her phone and saw a text from Catherine: a summons to a family dinner the night after tomorrow. She didn't bother replying, Catherine would assume she'd be there. If she said no, Catherine would hound her until she said yes. If she didn't go, Catherine would find a way to make her regret it. It was the same with all her siblings and cousins, who would not dare stay away, either. Moiraine did not like her aunt, but she had to give her credit: she knew how to manage the family.
Moiraine sighed. Catherine was not yet done with her attempts to convince her that her duty lay here. She had not expected as fierce a campaign as she was facing, but she had to admit that her uncle was not well.
She could also understand why Catherine thought she should step into his shoes. Moiraine's other relatives ranged from adequately competent to downright foolish, and she knew what she was. She also knew, better than anyone, what staying would do to her.
She put the summons out of her mind for the time being, choosing instead to turn on music and take a long, hot bath, indulging in some frankly obscene meditations on what the morning might bring.
She went to bed more than a little rueful; such imaginings were hardly conducive to sleep. When she did manage to fall asleep, she dreamed about her uncle's house, grown large and hungry, waiting to eat her alive.
It was a relief to wake in her own bed, in her own apartment. She did not have to, and would not let herself be, trapped by her family. In the sunlight of the early morning, the dream felt a little ridiculous, and she was able to shake it off, get dressed, and leave in a good mood.
She stopped by a cafe and picked up bagels and fixings, then stopped by a coffee shop and picked a coffee at random, hoping that the gesture would be appreciated, and buying herself a tea. Siuan's selection had been abominable.
When she knocked at Siuan's door, it was only a moment before Siuan answered. She looked much like she had the morning before; soft clothes, hair wrapped, a little rumpled still from sleep. Moiraine's heart kicked at her chest to see her.
"Coffee," she said, handing Siuan her cup. "I guessed, so if you hate it, you'll have to tell me."
Siuan took a sip and said, "It's coffee, and it's hot-that makes it perfect. Thanks." She took the food from Moiraine to the counter and then came back, pulling her close for a kiss that melted what was left of Moiraine's reason, the taste of coffee not coming close to bothering her, not when Siuan's tongue was teasing her like that.
Siuan pulled back, eyes smiling in amusement. Probably at Moiraine's expression, which likely looked like she hadn't ever had a thought in her head.
"Ready for breakfast?" Siuan said, and started to unpack the food. She took her time, methodically setting each item out on its own plate. Moiraine watched her in agony, in disbelief-surely Siuan didn't mean to actually eat breakfast, right now, after kissing her like that?
But Siuan seemed oblivious, opening the tub of cream cheese and getting some on her finger. She popped it into her mouth to lick it off-she had to be doing this on purpose.
Moiraine must have made some strangled noise, because Siuan looked at her and grinned. "Oh, sorry," Siuan said, taking that same finger and skimming it to get a tiny bit of cream cheese on it before holding it out. "Did you want some?"
Two could play that game. Moiraine came around the counter and wrapped a hand around Siuan's wrist. She kept eye contact as she licked the cream cheese off her finger, sucking a little and seeing Siuan's eyes go dark.
She released Siuan's finger and swallowed, still holding her wrist. "I think you should put that in the fridge for now."
Siuan swallowed. "I guess we can have breakfast later."
Moiraine hummed agreement.
Siuan shoved everything perishable into the fridge in record time, and the next thing Moiraine knew they were leaving a trail of clothing through the living room and hallway. The same heady feeling from the party filled her, making her impatient, especially as Siuan seemed intent on taking her time this morning. She pinned Moiraine to the bed and told her to stay there, before exploring what felt like every inch of her skin except the one she wanted explored. And any time she attempted to wrest back control, Siuan would rearrange her and pick up exactly where she'd left off. By the time Siuan finally slid her fingers between her legs, Moiraine was wound so tight that she almost climaxed the moment Siuan reached her clit.
"Hold on for me," Siuan whispered, and Moiraine struggled to obey. Siuan found her opening with her fingers and traced around the sensitive flesh of her entrance.
"Yes," she gasped, and "please."
"Fuck," Siuan said, reverently, as her finger slid deep inside, almost without resistance. "Do you want another finger, love?"
Moiraine couldn't speak anymore, but she nodded, and Siuan withdrew and then pressed back with another finger, and it stretched her, filled her. Siuan's thumb circled her clit and her fingers curled inside, and Moiraine lost track of everything except that feeling, chasing it as Siuan stroked gently, so gently.
She arched off the bed as she came, distantly aware of Siuan letting out another series of breathless expletives, sounding awed.
Well, that made two of them.
Moiraine did not trust her coordination at the moment, but she had an idea about that. She tugged Siuan up and repositioned herself onto a nearby pillow, pulling at Siuan's hips and coaxing her up to straddle her, and then further.
Siuan caught a sharp breath. "Moiraine-"
"I want to," Moiraine assured her, and guided Siuan so she was kneeling above her, parting her thighs and waiting until she was steady before pulling her down and reaching up to taste. Siuan was rich and warm and wet, and she grabbed at the headboard above as they got going to further stabilize herself.
And, amazingly to Moiraine, she continued to talk, checking in with her, letting her know how good she was making her feel, how good she was. There were words that praised her mouth, her tongue, her face-Moiraine thought there was even something about her nose, but by that point all Siuan's words were muffled by her legs clamped against Moiraine's ears so she wasn't certain and she didn't care. When Siuan finally came, her orgasm left her speechless at last, She ground into Moiraine's face hard, and Moiraine was glad when she pulled away relatively quickly, allowing her to take a few deep breaths.
Siuan lay next to her, looking utterly spent, her breathing still fast. Moiraine wanted to just stay where she was, but she was cold. She saw a blanket at the foot of the bed and grabbed it, thinking to cover them both - but changed her mind at the last second. She threw the blanket over Siuan instead and clambered out of the bed, grabbing Siuan's fluffy robe and going to the bathroom.
She didn't look in the mirror this time; frankly, she didn't want to know. Instead, she grabbed a towel and ran it under warm water before cleaning her face off. She took another damp cloth back to the bed with her to give to Siuan, who was propped up on an elbow watching her.
"Very considerate," Siuan said as she took the towel, in a tone that inexplicably sent shivers down Moiraine's spine.
Moiraine ignored this and sat down on the bed, torn between climbing in with Siuan and the knowledge that they couldn't spend all morning in bed.
Siuan sighed and sat up. "Really wish I didn't have to work today," she said, echoing Moiraine's own thoughts. Kneeling, she came over and embraced Moiraine, tucking her against her body and holding her there.
"Me, too," Moiraine said. She let her eyes close, inhaled and breathed in Siuan's scent, allowed herself to relax into her hold. They stayed like that for a long while before getting up to breakfast and the rest of their day.
Moiraine never felt as discouraged or as weary as she did when she was coming home from seeing her uncle. She had some affection for her siblings, none of whom had any pretensions about taking over the family business, and some of whom were intelligent enough to know why one wouldn't want to.
Her uncle was a hard man, but Moiraine had long known that someone in his position had to be, just as she'd known she would excel at doing what he did. She could build a shining empire... as long as she didn't mind it would be built on the soul she'd have to kill to keep it.
Her aunt understood the first part but not the second. She had to have seen the cost of that empire with what had happened to her own children, and yet she still prodded Moiraine to do what she saw as her duty. Duty to gain wealth and power for people who, frankly, didn't deserve it. Moiraine knew her own hypocrisy; she'd been wealthy her whole life and no matter how much time she spent in remote villages or war zones abroad, she would never know what it was like to be left with one penny and need two.
She let herself into her apartment. Leaving her lights off, she eased out of her shoes and her coat and set her purse by the door. She changed into her nightshirt and made a cup of tea before curling onto her couch and checking her phone for messages.
She had one from Alanna, a surreptitious photo of Siuan seated in one of the plush chairs in the bookstore. She looked at ease, a book open on her lap... but she was staring off into the distance, and she had her phone held loosely in her hand.
The text read "she's been like this all night next time u need to take her with"
Moiraine smiled at the picture and frowned at the text. There was no way she'd subject Siuan to her family.
There were a couple of texts from Siuan, too: a multi-text rant about people who asked their friends what tattoo they should get, which made her laugh, and a short "I miss you," which made her sigh.
It had only been a few days since they'd met, and yet... she had wanted, every second, to take out her phone and text Siuan about what her cousin had just said, or about whether they should go to the market or a play on the weekend, or about when she'd be home, please come by, stay the night-she closed her eyes.
She had never imagined she could be this pathetic. She had never felt like this about anyone. Intense infatuation, she thought, putting the same name to it that she'd put to her cousins' tempestuous relationships when she was young.
She opened her email, determined to distract herself. Her agent had emailed her, saying she didn't yet have her next assignment lined up but thought she would in a week or two.
Moiraine knew from experience that a week or two would likely turn into three, but that once things were settled, she'd be off in what seemed like no time at all.
There wouldn't be time to get that attached.
There was nothing to worry about.
Siuan glanced up at the sky as they exited the theater. It wasn't raining, but the clouds were low and threatening.
"We should get an Uber," she said.
She reached for her phone, but Moiraine said, "Oh, let's just walk."
Siuan hesitated-it definitely looked like rain, but said, "It'll be rush pricing anyway," She put her phone back in her pocket and took Moiraine's hand instead.
"I liked the play," Moiraine said.
Siuan hummed an agreement before saying, "That one actress-the redhead?"
"The fox?" Moiraine asked.
"Yeah," Siuan said, and then, more meaningfully, "yes, her."
Moiraine's brow furrowed before understanding dawned with a bright laugh. "We could wait outside the stage door for an autograph? Or maybe her number?" she teased.
Siuan rolled her eyes, but was inwardly pleased Moiraine took the comment in the same spirit she'd meant it. She tightened her grip around Moirane's hand slightly, and Moiraine smiled and moved closer, so they were hip to hip.
"I forget, sometimes, how much I miss ordinary things like going to a play," Moiraine said abruptly. "I don't get the opportunity to do things like this as much when I'm-" she gestured with her free hand.
Siuan wondered how much that simple gesture covered. She also wanted to ask if Moiraine ever considered settling down, but just then, she felt the first, fat drop of rain.
"Oh no-" she said, and the skies opened above them in a downpour.
Moiraine gasped as the rain hit.
Siuan mourned her hair, which was only on its second day, and said, more loudly now to be heard over the rain, "We should have gotten the Uber!"
Moiraine tilted her head up and laughed. "My place is closer-come on!" and she tugged them into a half-run, down a couple of blocks, across a street-grinning the whole time, as Siuan just tried to keep up and not fret too much about how her shirt was sticking to her.
They were in Moiraine's lobby before Siuan realized she'd never been inside before. Moiraine pushed the button to call an elevator and then they were left to wait, completely soaked, head to toe. Water seemed to be streaming off of them onto the marble floor.
"Your hair!" Moiraine said, half-laughing and half-sympathetic.
Siuan grinned at her, deciding giving into the absurdity of the whole thing was the only way forward. "You should see your own," she retorted.
Moiraine reached a self-conscious hand up but stopped as the elevator arrived. "Oh, well," she said. "I've plenty of towels, at least."
The ride in the elevator was mercifully swift, and the doors opened to a quiet hallway with just four doors, one of which Moiraine unlocked and opened. Siuan stepped inside and almost laughed-the walls were almost completely bare, save for a TV mounted on the far wall. The entirety of the furniture in the room consisted of an uncomfortable-looking sofa, a coffee table with papers strewn across it, and a few partially-unpacked boxes.
Moiraine, thankfully, had disappeared down a short hallway, giving Siuan time to school her expression… time that went entirely to waste when Moiraine reappeared, towels in hand, and Siuan said,
"So… was one of your exes an art thief?"
Moiraine frowned in confusion. Siuan gestured to the empty walls and broke into laughter.
Moiraine's frown deepened and she stiffened as if actually offended-but then she seemed to catch Siuan's genuine amusement and shook her head, letting out a small huff of laughter of her own. She came over and handed Siuan a towel and used the one still in her hands on her hair.
"I told you; I'm rarely here," she said.
Siuan gently pressed sections of her hair in the towel, knowing all the care in the world couldn't save her hair now. She leaned in for a kiss, slow and gentle, waiting until Moiraine softened before pulling back and murmuring, "I can see why."
She cut off Moiraine's protest with another kiss, deeper this time, with the goal of making Moiraine give up any thought of responding. She pressed against her, and Moiraine backed up until she was against the wall, until she could cling to Siuan, their wet clothes cold but their bodies on fire.
They kissed until they practically had to tear themselves away to breathe.
"I might not have artwork," Moiraine said, gasping, "but I do have a bed."
Siuan made some noise that conveyed how amenable she was to the idea, and Moiraine blinked before shoving forward, grasping Siuan's hand as she went.
Moiraine's room was much better furnished than the living room; a bed with blankets that looked worn and homey, a dresser with various items strewn across the top, including a sweatshirt that was obviously loved and frayed at the edges. There were all the soft touches that fit with Moiraine, here, including pictures on the walls. Siuan wanted to catalog them all, but she had more pressing matters on her mind.
"Let me," she said, gesturing to Moiraine's dress. Moiraine turned obligingly, with a small shiver, and Siuan unzipped the dress, allowing the fabric to part. Once the zipper was all the way down, Siuan carefully pulled the dress away and held it to allow Moiraine to step out of it. She took it and said, "We should hang it up."
Moiriane nodded, rubbing her hands up and down her arms, where she had gooseflesh. "Yours, too-I have hangers in there." She indicated the closet, and Siuan hung up the dress, then stripped her own clothes quickly and tossed them onto hangers, too.
When she looked back, Moiraine was gone-but she was back in just a few seconds, their forgotten towels in hand.
"Come here," Siuan said, and she took one towel and put it around her shoulders before taking the second and drying Moiraine off, buffing her skin gently as she went to warm her up. Moiraine divested herself of her underwear, and Siuan paid careful attention to those final areas of skin as they were revealed.
Moiraine stood with her eyes closed, and Siuan tugged her back to the bed, holding the covers open and gesturing for her to slide in.
"You, too," Moiraine said. She scooted over to the middle of the bed, looking up at Siuan with half-lidded eyes.
"In a minute." Siuan shucked her own underwear and then toweled herself dry before climbing in.
Moiraine made a pleased sound and tucked herself against Siuan, trailing her fingers down Siuan's side and along her hip, pressing against her vulva. Siuan shifted, giving Moiraine access while allowing Moiraine to press against her leg.
They kissed-long, languorous kisses, Moiraine using gentle fingers to stroke Siuan's flesh. They explored each other's bodies without haste, changing positions now and then but always moving together, always with eyes drinking each other in.
Moiraine's weight was on her, her eyes pinning her here and now. Siuan brought her down into a kiss, and Moiraine's fingers slid inside her, twisting gently into the spot that set her adrift, weightless. Siuan only barely noticed Moiraine touching herself, sending herself tumbling after into her own orgasm. It took her a minute to catch her breath, and when she had, she found Moiraine tucked against her. Siuan pulled her even closer and kissed her, sucking gently on her lower lip. Moiraine hummed appreciatively, so Siuan did it again, and then moved to switch their positions, leaving Moiraine on her back, looking up at Siuan. She was loose-limbed, posture open and waiting, her eyes alight, her mouth quirked in a smile.
Siuan ran her hands up Moiraine's sides and along her arms, arranging them so Moiraine's hands were above her head. "What do you want?" she asked.
"Go down on me," Moiraine said, in a soft tone that still brooked no argument.
Siuan smiled. She kissed her way down Moiraine's breastbone, mouthing one breast and then the other, laving at her nipples with her tongue. She traced the places where ribs met soft flesh, where Moiraine's belly curved out, where her bellybutton dipped inward. She breathed Moiraine in with every inhalation. She got a pillow and propped it under Moiraine's hips, and then she lowered herself, drew her hands up Moiraine's thighs to spread her open, and leaned in to taste.
She kept it gentle, at first, knowing that Moiraine would be sensitive after her earlier orgasm. She waited until Moiraine was impatient with need, until she tugged at Siuan's hair and said, "More, I need-"
Siuan gave her more. She slid a finger into Moiraine and crooked it, finding the spot that made Moiraine arch her back. She didn't waste time, then, but gave her a firmer, faster tongue against her clit and a matching pressure inside.
Moiraine was practically bucking against her mouth, now. "Yes-just there," and, in something that was almost a whine, "Siuan, don't stop-"
She didn't: not even after Moiraine came, her whole body going rigid around her. Instead, she kept up the pressure and Moiraine just seemed to keep coming, on and on in a soundless ecstasy. Siuan could feel her muscles clenching around her as she shuddered beneath her. Finally, she lay, boneless and gasping, pushing at Siuan's hand. Siuan withdrew, but kept her hand on her mound, feeling the aftershocks of her orgasm ripple through her.
It took a minute or two before Moiraine opened her eyes, and a minute more before she sighed and moved to wrap her arms around Siuan again.
"Good?" Siuan said, lilting her voice in a tease.
"Mm," Moiraine said, and wrapped herself more tightly.
Siuan stroked her hand along Moiraine's back, feeling her contentment in every exhalation, every slight variation of pressure around her.
It was easy to let her mind wander. It was safe, with Moiraine here. Since she had given up her law career, she hadn't looked back, hadn't… needed anything else other than her business, her art, her friends and her family. She had dated here and there, but those relationships had been fleeting.
But this, with Moiraine? She had needed this. Or rather, she knew what she'd been missing before. It wasn't a sudden thought, or even a completely new thought. She'd felt it from the start.
She just wished she hadn't, because it was going to hurt.
Moiraine hummed a questioning note at her, and Siuan put the thought away, tucked it aside and kissed Moiraine's arm. She tightened her arms and breathed deep, letting herself sink back into the moment at hand.
Siuan opened her email and sorted through the usual junk mail and a couple of update emails from her extended family, showing off their children or pets.
She deleted an email from her alma mater's fundraising department without opening it, and read a dumb but funny forward from her cousin's spouse, Mike, who seemed to feel no week was complete without a bunch of dad jokes. He was right, of course, so Siuan sent him a quick reply back to thank him-she knew his emails drove the rest of the family to distraction, and it make her laugh harder to think about how her cousin would see her email and tell her to "Stop encouraging him, Siuan, seriously."
Finally, there was just one email, from a former classmate-one who had gone into the non-profit sector, making almost nothing and working longer hours than the rest of them put together. Judging from her email address she was still at it, and Siuan clicked on the email with no hesitation.
The email outlined a thorny legal situation for one of her clients, and she asked if Siuan would be willing to take a look. Only if she wanted to, of course, and on a purely volunteer basis.
Siuan found herself reading through the information before really giving it a conscious thought, getting ready for the day while scrolling through pages of dense legal jargon. The further she read the more intrigued she became, and she was almost late getting out of the door.
She opened it back up during her breaks, and dashed off a few quick notes to the classmate, letting her know that she'd be happy to set up a time to review it. It surprised her that she meant it; she'd loved the law at one point, but she'd needed to break completely away at the end and she hadn't expected to ever pick it back up again.
After work, she cleaned up her office quickly and swung by a small grocery store to pick up a fresh loaf of bread and a bottle of wine. When she arrived home, she cut up the bread and put it in the oven to warm while she chopped up veggies and tomatoes for a spread. She opened the wine, too, sipping now and then as she worked.
By the time Moiraine knocked, she was flushed and happy, and the smell of the bread had wafted through the apartment. She opened the door wide and swept Moiraine in for a quick kiss.
"Food's just about ready, if you want to set the table?"
Moiraine moved to the cabinets to retrieve dishes. "You're in a good mood," she said, smiling.
"I had a good day," Siuan said, and then thought about why she was so buoyant. "Actually…" the oven timer went off, and she said, "Hold that thought." The next couple of minutes were about wrangling bread and toppings to the table. Siuan grabbed the wine, pouring some for Moiraine and topping her own glass off before sitting down across from Moiraine.
Tonight, Moiraine was wearing a soft, white blouse, her hair pulled back and up, revealing what Siuan had guessed must be favorite earrings-delicate gold with a blue gemstone. Siuan wanted to nibble at those ears, and as if Moiraine heard her thoughts, they turned subtly pink.
Siuan grinned.
"Stop that," Moiraine said.
"Stop what?" Siuan asked, but she couldn't wipe the grin off her face.
Moiraine rolled her eyes, deflected with a, "You were going to tell me what happened today to put you in your good mood."
"Oh, that," Siuan said, brushing it aside. "Just an email from an old friend." She explained about the email, keeping to generalities about the legal situation. "It was surprisingly not terrible."
Moiraine had listened quietly, taking the time to eat. Now she said, calmly, "You miss it."
Siuan shook her head automatically. "Long hours spent with some of the worst people on the face of the earth? Constantly fielding comments about my looks, my race? No, I don't miss it." she said emphatically. "But… I might miss the challenge."
Moiraine's lips quirked up in a slight smile.
Siuan pointed a finger at her. "Only sometimes."
Moiraine took a final bite of her dinner, then stood and came over to Siuan. She placed a hand on Siuan's jaw and leaned in to kiss her. She took her time, her touch feather-light.
Siuan tried to reach for her and pull her down, but she anticipated the touch and pulled back.
"I have a challenge for you, if you need another," Moiraine said.
"Is that so?" Siuan reached forward again, unsurprised when Moiraine stepped away.
Moiraine stood just out of reach and undid the top button of her blouse.
Siuan shook her head. "Not very challenging when you undress yourself for me."
"Oh, I can be quite the handful," Moiraine said, letting her blouse fall down her arms and draping it over the back of the couch.
Siuan drained the last of her glass of wine. "I think I can see what you mean," she said. "But maybe I should take a closer look." She got to her feet and sauntered over to Moiraine.
Lan's show was brilliant. Moiraine had seen all of his photos before, of course, but there was something about seeing them here that was... unsettling. The pieces he had chosen for this weren't the stark and unforgiving truths that accompanied her articles, or the ones that he sold to the news. These were more complicated, nuanced, and they required consideration. In this clean, white space, they confronted.
Siuane loved them. She unselfconsciously peered at them from up close, and then stood back. There were plenty of people attending who didn't care the smallest bit about the works being displayed; those people milled around with drinks and nibbled on hors d'oeuvres, intent on seeing and being seen. Siuan, however, drew in a small group of devotees who followed her from photo to photo, discussing various technical details, artistic choices. Moiraine and Lan followed on the periphery of this group, marveling at Siuan's ability to coax out insight and participation from everyone around her without seeming to make an effort at all.
Lan loved her. He didn't say anything to Moiraine, of course, but they rarely needed words to know what the other was thinking. He looked at Siuan, then at Moiraine, and his eyes softened, his chin went down, and Moiraine glowed with the knowledge that yes, Siuan was exactly as remarkable as she herself thought.
It would have been a perfect night, but for two things.
The first was just after she wandered over to the bar for another drink. She came back to find Siuan practically cornered by a tall, stern woman who Moiraine immediately recognized. Siuan didn't seem distressed at all, and a part of Moiraine knew that she could handle herself much better without interference from Moiraine. Even so, nothing could have stopped her from heading directly for the pair. Siuan saw her coming and nodded slightly, in reassurance, perhaps.
It didn't matter, because the woman turned and caught sight of Moiraine, and then the game was up.
"Moiraine Damodred." She lingered on the name distastefully.
"Elaida Avrin," Moiraine replied, squeezing in beside Siuan, who gave her a quick, bemused look.
Elaida, of course, noticed this protectiveness, her lip curving in the slightest sneer, a momentary expression so fleeting that most people would have second-guessed that they saw it at all. Elaida said, "I was wondering where you were hiding tonight."
Moiraine flushed. The comment was a thrust meant to wound, a reference to a night when Moiraine had spent the last half of a party hiding in the coat closet. Elaida had always taken that as a sign of weakness. Let herself blush seventy times; she was not going to flinch away again. Not from Elaida.
"I see you've met Siuan," Moiraine said, coolly.
"We were just discussing our family histories," Siuan said, with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
Ah. Moiraine's blood boiled, but she kept a calm face. "Has Elaida told you about her great-aunt, then?" Moiraine said.
Elaida didn't flinch, didn't flush, but she raised a hand and swept her fingers in the air. "As fascinating as it would be to catch up, I see an old friend I need to catch before they leave." She moved off without giving the impression that she was retreating.
Moiraine watched her go, satisfied that she'd won that round. She'd likely lose the next several, though-she'd been hoarding that little tidbit about the great-aunt far longer than she cared to admit.
"That damnable bitch," she said, under her breath, where only Siuan would hear.
"I got that impression," Siuan said, drily. "What's with her great-aunt, anyway?"
Moiraine rolled her eyes. "She caused a family scandal by having an affair with an artist and then proceeded to help him con her family out of a sizable chunk of their fortune. They spent a lot of their power and money covering up just how much they ran off with, but it was evidently a lot. It left Elaida's family in a tight spot for decades."
"Why would it matter if people knew about that now?" Siuan said with genuine curiosity.
Moiraine shook her head. "Elaida is obsessed with her image. She's cultivated a certain kind of reputation, and part of that is about her family history. She never talked about the sordid, inconvenient, messy bits."
"But the messy bits are the most fun," Siuan said, and she almost managed to look like she didn't mean anything by it.
Moiraine hid her smile. "Later."
Siuan leaned in to press a quick kiss just where her cheek met her ear. "Not too much later, I hope," she murmured. She straightened and smiled at someone else, leaving Moiraine hot, off-balance, desperately wishing they could leave, right then. Moiraine thought to suggest it, but was stopped by one word.
"Moiraine."
She closed her eyes briefly, took a breath, and turned to face her aunt. "Aunt Catherine," she said.
Catherine was as unlike Elaida as it was possible to be. Elaida was stern, severe, rigid. Catherine was slight in build, warm in affect. She seemed like a stiff breeze would knock her over-but out of the two of them, Moiraine would rather face Elaida. Catherine had never let anyone gainsay her-not a single member of the Damodred family, including her husband, had ever told her 'no' and held to it.
Moiraine intended to be the first, but in this, she was not assured of success.
There was a reason she'd had to go to the most remote places on the globe to escape.
Catherine swept a glance around the gallery space, not looking as dismissive of the art as Moiraine might have expected. She tilted her head, and said, "I like that one." The piece she'd signaled out without pointing more than her chin was indeed striking. Catherine had always had impeccable taste.
Moiraine was aware that Siuan was watching her, waiting for a cue to-what, defend her? There was no defense from Catherine, so she didn't bother to try. "Aunt Catherine, this is Siuan Sanche. Siuan, this is my Aunt Catherine."
"Pleased to meet you, Catherine" Siuan said, in exactly the right tone-not cautious or antagonistic, but suggesting that she was knowledgeable about who Catherine was and wasn't intimidated in the slightest.
Catherine hesitated a fraction of a second, eyes flicking over Siuan, taking her measure. Moiraine wasn't sure what she saw, but she extended a hand. "It's nice to meet you, Siuan Sanche."
"I like that one, too," Siuan said, indicating the same photo with a nonchalant wave of her hand. "But I was just about to tell Moiraine she should see about taking that pair-" she gestured again, pointing to a matched set in the corner, "-for her incredibly bland apartment."
Catherine raised an eyebrow slightly, but she looked at the pair and nodded, "Yes, I've told Moiraine a hundred times that even an apartment that she only sees for a few weeks a year should have some care put into its furnishings."
"It should look welcoming," Siuan agreed.
Then, in a move that Moiraine found terrifying, they both turned to look at her. Catherine looked disapproving as usual, and Siuan looked… smug.
Damn her, she'd set herself up for Catherine to like her.
Catherine turned back to Siuan, who looked cool and unaffected now, no trace of her triumph remaining. "And are you also an artist?" she said, sounding much less like she was asking if Siuan glued macaroni to paper for a living than Moiraine would have expected.
Siuan shrugged. "Sometimes," she said. She grinned, and added, "When my clients let me, anyway." She produced a business card from her wallet and handed it to Catherine. "Most of the time, they have their own ideas about what gets tattooed on their skin."
Now Catherine did look taken aback, but her expression smoothed again almost immediately. "Yes, I can imagine." To Moiraine's surprise, there was no hint of condescension in her voice, just wry amusement. She took another look at Siuan, then tucked the business card into her clutch before turning to Moiraine. "We need to talk. Soon." Her jaw tightened. "Your uncle continues to decline."
"I wasn't aware we had anything further to discuss," Moiraine said.
Catherine leveled a look at her that would have shaken her when she was younger, but all she said was, "I'll call you." She swept out of the gallery, giving the photo she'd pointed out earlier one last glance as she left.
"Whew!" Siuan said after the door closed behind her. "She's… intense."
Moiraine nodded.
"Reminds me of you," Siuan said. The hint of a smile tugging at her lips forestalled Moiraine's umbrage.
"Very funny," she grumbled anyway, on the principle of the thing.
Siuan shrugged. "How late do you want to stay?"
Moiraine looked around at the still-full gallery, finding Lan, who looked up in that way he had of knowing when she was looking for him. He nodded briefly before returning to his own conversation. There was no need to say goodbye formally. "We can leave any time."
"Excellent. Let's get takeout and go back to my place."
"Pizza," Moiraine said. "And we'll pick up beer on the way."
"I have beer," Siuan protested, but she was already moving to the door to hold it open.
"What you have can hardly be counted as beer," Moiraine retorted, letting herself be swept outside into the bright night of the city.
Moiraine answered the phone the next day thinking it was Catherine and was surprised to hear her agent's voice instead.
"You have to go now," she said, and Moiraine's stomach plummeted. "Word is that they're planning to cancel flights in the next few days."
Moiraine's fingers tightened around the phone. She wanted to push back, to bargain-but Maigan was never wrong about these things. If she said the window was closing, it was.
"I'll pack tonight."
"Good. I already booked your flight." Maigan gave her a quick summary, saying she'd send the flight information to her email and phone, and hung up.
Moiraine, dazed, looked around her apartment. Really, there was very little to do, but she wasn't sure where to start. And she had to tell Siuan-
Siuan.
No, she had to deal with one thing at a time.
She called Lan first. He already had the information, of course, and was off the phone in a matter of minutes, intent on making all the arrangements he needed to leave with her.
She packed a small travel bag with her few papers, her phone, her passport. She packed a slightly larger bag with her clothes. She forced herself to concentrate on each item, evaluating each with many years of practice and a lack of sentimentality that only came from having lost what she carried several times over.
That done, she set the bags by the door and started cleaning up her apartment, getting it ready to sit empty for an extended period of time. Halfway into cleaning out the food from her pantry, however, she stopped and made a call to Elayne, her brother's oldest daughter. "I have a job for you," she said, and outlined what she needed.
"That's no problem," Elayne assured her, sounding reassuringly confident. "I can take care of everything after you leave."
"Thank you," Moiraine said, heart thumping loudly. "I'll send you the keys tomorrow."
She'd just hung up the call when she got a text from Siuan. On my way.
Moiraine ordered food to be delivered and then went to her window, keeping herself from pacing through her apartment by an effort of will. The sun was low in the sky and the trees and buildings cast vast shadows, but there was still enough daylight that the streetlights weren't on yet. She stared, unseeing, at the people and cars on the street below, or at the traffic along the river. She could not change anything now.
When Siuan buzzed, she let her into the building and then waited to open the door.
"You'll never guess what my last client wanted for a tattoo," she said, dropping her bag by the door and shrugging out of her jacket. She draped it over a chair and turned to Moiraine with a bright smile, a smile that dimmed in uncertainty as she caught Moiraine's expression.
"What's wrong?" she said, and then she saw the packed bags. Her face fell. "Oh," she said, and dropped into the chair.
"Maigan called me this afternoon," Moiraine said quietly. "Apparently the situation is deteriorating, so I have to go now."
Siuan was quiet for a few seconds, an eternity. When she spoke, all she said was, "When?"
"Tomorrow," Moiraine replied, and then sat down across from Siuan on the couch.
Siuan closed her eyes and sighed. "I thought we'd have more time."
"Yes," Moiraine said, simply, looking away.
She feared she sounded too calm, like this wasn't also tearing her up inside, but Siuan just reached over and took her hand. Moiraine looked up and saw no frustration in her eyes, only quiet understanding. They stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other.
Finally, though, Siuan said, "Not to break the mood, but I really hope you have a plan for dinner. I'm starving." As if to punctuate her statement, her stomach rumbled.
Moiraine laughed. "I ordered from Emilio's; it should be here soon."
Mood thus broken, they fell back onto what had almost become a routine for them. Siuan went to freshen up while Moiraine got out plates and opened a bottle of wine. Dinner arrived not long after, and if it was a bit quieter than typical, neither pointed it out. Afterward, they cleaned up and settled onto the couch to watch a movie, keeping the volume so low it was hardly more than background noise. Moiraine leaned against Siuan, who threaded her fingers through Moiraine's hair. Moiraine drifted off for a while, waking up minutes or an hour later to find Siuan's fingers still gently moving against her scalp.
"You can sleep if you want," Siuan said, her voice low.
"No," Moiraine said, and lifted an arm to hook it around Siuan's neck, pulled Siuan down to kiss her.
The movie was forgotten and their clothes gradually layered onto the couch. At some point, Siuan unearthed the remote from beneath a pile of clothes and turned the TV off before tossing the remote aside.
They devoured each other with their hands, loathe to take their eyes off the other for even a moment.
Siuan palmed Moiraine's breasts and felt time slipping between her fingers. She buried her head between Moiraine's thighs and tried to drown out the sound of the clock ticking each second away.
After she made Moiraine come, and had come, and made Moiraine come again like she was trying to rewind to the start of the night, she embraced Moiraine and tucked her forehead against her lover's arm, breathed into her skin.
"This is real," Siuan said. It was a non-sequitur she didn't expect Moiraine to follow, but she did.
Moiraine turned her head, tightened her hand where it intersected with Siuan's curls. "Yes, it is."
Siuan was unable to keep from saying it out loud. "You're going to leave."
Moiraine took a breath, let it out in a painful sigh. "I have to."
Siuan swallowed several, unfair questions: how long until she came back, why did she have to go at all.
Moiraine tucked herself more tightly around Siuan. "I wish…"
Siuan sighed. "Yeah."
They were quiet for a long stretch of time. The city was hushed, now, as dark and quiet as it ever got.
Moiraine took a soft breath and said, so quietly it was almost a whisper, "I love you."
Siuan's heart leaped and broke in the same instant. She twisted to look Moiraine in the eye, and she was wearing a fierce expression, as if daring someone to challenge her. Siuan squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, opening them because she needed to have Moiraine see the truth in them, too. She captured Moiraine's closest hand and kissed it. "I love you."
It wasn't enough to forestall the inevitable, but it was something to take into the hours before dawn.
Neither of them truly slept, and when the alarm sounded for Moiraine to get ready to go, they picked up their clothing, piece by piece, in silence.
Siuan kissed Moiraine goodbye under a pale sky, and tried not to think of what came next.
It was amazing how normal everything seemed to Siuan once Moiraine had left. Moiraine had texted her once from the airport, but there had been nothing from her since. Siuan hadn't expected anything either; she had known that wherever Moiraine was going, reception for her phone would be spotty at best, and Moiraine had other things to worry about anyway.
Siuan had always known their time was limited; Moiraine had always been very clear that she wasn't staying long, and had never intimated there might be a longer-term change in her plans.
So, it wasn't like she spent a lot of time worrying about Moiraine. Or even thinking about her-no matter what Alanna's concerned looks implied. No, Siuan was doing well, all things considered. She had a lot more free time, and she was filling it these days with consulting work for one or two non-profits. It didn't pay well, but it was more intellectually challenging than her day job.
Her dad came for a visit, too, and Siuan made an effort to match his upbeat mood, finding herself smiling more often than not that week as they took in a play or walked along the river, catching up on all the things that never seemed important enough to say over the phone.
"And what about that woman I keep hearing about?" he teased her, once, and she was proud of herself for not breaking down on his shoulder, for merely saying, "She had to leave for work."
Maybe her tone was strained, because he gave her an odd look, but he didn't push her. She got enough pushing from Alanna, until she had to ask her to kindly butt out. This left her with just the concerned looks, which she ignored.
She wasn't the one in the potential war zone, after all.
Sometimes, though, late at night, Siuan turned over in bed and moved her hand toward the other side, stopping before she would have to admit there was no one with her. Sometimes she picked up her phone and tapped the messages app, even though she didn't have any notifications.
It was five weeks after Moiraine left that Siuan opened her news app and found a large picture of what used to be an ordinary street, now a pile of useless rubble.
"Explosions Rock Murandy in Possible Coordinated Attack"
Heart in her throat, Siuan clicked on the article. Details were sparse, but there were bombs reported in several locations in the capital itself as well as in other key cities, and the government was in obvious disarray. There was a possibility that the president had been assassinated and that they could be looking at a coup.
Siuan knew with horrible certainty that this was where Moiraine was, although she knew there was no way to actually know for certain. But she kept scrolling and refreshing, as if she'd spot Moiraine in the background of one of the photos.
She didn't, and she spent a rough night startling out of sleep to check her phone, only to find out nothing more than she'd known the last time.
Days passed, and they found the president-alive. The government gradually coalesced into something more or less functional, and some arrests were made. Aid organizations were allowed into the country again. There were a few short stories about people caught in the country when the attacks happened, and then the news died down again, people's attention lost to the rest of the news cycle.
Siuan never saw anything about Moiraine, of course. Life wasn't like a movie, where she would have been caught in a photo, or interviewed. She was more likely lying low and doing her own interviews.
These rational thoughts didn't help Siuan settle, however. She kept an eye on what news did reach her, her gut telling her that something terrible had happened and she just didn't know it yet.
Then, one sunny day, she picked up a call from an unfamiliar number.
"Hello?"
"Siuan? It's Lan."
Siuan's heart stopped for a beat, then raced to catch up. She barely knew Lan, knew he wouldn't be calling unless- "What happened?"
There was a horrible pause before Lan said, "She's alive." Siuan took a deep breath. Lan added, "We were in the capital and she got caught in one of the buildings-"
Siuan's head spun and she leaned against the wall of the building next to her. Maybe she'd made a noise because Lan paused for another moment, as if letting her absorb the news.
When he spoke again, his voice was measured, calm. "Part of a wall came down on her, and she was in pretty bad shape." Here, his voice broke a bit, but he continued, "I got her out, but it was rough, and she's still in the hospital-at St. Lucien's."
Siuan squeezed her eyes shut, trying to take in that Moiraine was not only alive, but in the city.
"I'm coming now," Siuan said.
"She's still pretty out of it," Lan said, in that way people said things they were sure you wouldn't listen to anyway. He certainly seemed to have gotten her measure, Siuan thought.
"Just tell me where to go," she replied, already pulling up the app to get a ride.
He did, and she spent the ride to the hospital canceling her appointments for the rest of the day. The ride was long; traffic was always murder at this time of day, and then she had to navigate the hospital itself.
She reached Moiraine's room and stopped just outside the open door, and took a moment to compose herself. She didn't hear any conversation other than the quiet hum of the hospital around her.
She inhaled and stepped inside.
It was a private room, spacious for a hospital room, which meant it was still small and cramped-feeling. The bed was near the window, and machines surrounded it. The woman lying in the bed was still, small and fragile. She was hooked up to monitors-heart rate, respiration-and had an IV line that ran from her hand to a clear bag of liquid on the rack next to her bed.
Lan unfolded from a chair beside her bed, came to meet her halfway. "She's asleep."
It was a statement of fact and a warning, Siuan knew. "I won't wake her," she promised. "Tell me what happened?"
Lan gestured to the hallway, and Siuan followed him back out with one last look at Moiraine.
"Broken ribs, a fracture in her right arm, a concussion-the effects are lingering a little longer than the doctors would like, but she'll pull through." This was said with the confidence of long experience being in Moiraine's orbit. "She's out of it most of the time but already getting impatient to be out of that bed." Lan was silent for a minute while a couple of nurses passed. "She's allowed her family access, but their visits will likely be-sporadic."
It was clear from his tone that he didn't agree with allowing them to visit, and yet also wasn't pleased at how seldom they would visit, or had visited in the past. He looked her in the eye, and she got the impression she was being measured for her potential reaction.
"She doesn't know you called me, does she?" she said.
The barest hint of satisfaction crossed his face: answer enough. "Moiraine thought she preferred to wait until she was awake more than a couple hours a day."
Siuan sighed. "She's not going to be happy with you. Or me."
"She'll get over it," Lan said.
They exchanged a smile.
Lan looked tired, and he had at least a day's growth of stubble. Siuan frowned. "Have you been here-"
"I go home to shower and sleep," Lan said. "I prefer to be rested enough to be coherent." He held her gaze again. "Actually-if you're staying, I can go take care of a few things."
Of course she was staying.
Lan didn't seem to need her to say so; he just added, "You don't need to stay until I'm back. She's told me more than enough times she's fine on her own."
"She probably is, but I'll stay anyway."
Another shared smile, and then Lan nodded and turned to go.
"Lan?"
He turned toward her halfway.
"Thank you for calling," she said.
Another nod, and he headed down the hall. Siuan composed herself again and went back into Moiraine's room, settling into the chair Lan had vacated. Moiraine was fast asleep. Siuan was profoundly grateful for the gentle rise and fall of her breath, as it was just about the only part of Moiraine that looked normal. The arm without an IV was in a rigid cast. Her face bore marks that Siuan guessed were residue from tape that had held something-maybe oxygen tubing-in place. Her hair was lank and messy. She was a beautiful sight.
The room was quiet and dark. After a while, Siuan had relaxed enough that she pulled out a book and started reading. She was interrupted once by a nurse who merely wrote down a few numbers in Moiraine's chart, gave Siuan a quick look, and left again.
About a half-hour after that, Siuan heard the background noise of the room change. She looked up from her book and found Moiraine's eyes were open. She was regarding Siuan with a warm, fond expression.
Siuan almost dropped her book in surprise. "How long have you been awake?" she said, hurriedly setting her book onto the little table by the bed.
"How long," Moiraine's voice was rough, and she cleared it gingerly. "How long," she tried again, to greater success, "did Lan wait after I said not to call you before he dialed your number?"
Siuan said, stiffly. "I don't know what you're talking about. I just happened to be in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by."
Moiraine gave her a reproachful look. "Please don't make me laugh," she said gravely. "Broken ribs are no joke."
"Indeed not," Siuan whispered, leaning forward and covering Moiraine's wrist just above the IV with her hand. "I'm glad he called me."
Moiraine closed her eyes. "I'm glad you're here," she admitted. "I'm awake so seldom that when I am, if I'm by myself, I have just enough energy to call the nurse to turn on the TV and give me the remote before I fall asleep again. Reading is, quote, 'out of the question,' and no one will give me my laptop."
This last was said with tones of extreme annoyance.
"Yes, because typing with one arm in a cast is an efficient use of time and energy while you're healing from a concussion."
"Damn the concussion; I'm bored." Moiraine said, and it was almost a whine.
"But alive," Siuan replied, softly. Emotion plucked at her and she blinked quickly.
Even so, Moiraine heard her. "But alive," she agreed. She hesitated. "It was closer than I'd like," she admitted. "I don't think-if Lan wasn't with me, I'm not sure-" she trailed off, lapsing into silence.
Siuan just kept her hand around Moiraine's wrist, fingers squeezing for a moment before relaxing again. She itched to ask what had been so important as to take her there during the middle of conflict, but knew she wouldn't get a direct answer. Instead, she settled in and chatted about what she'd been up to while Moiraine had been gone. It was amazing how much there was to tell; if she'd been asked yesterday what had changed in her life, she would have said very little. Today, however, it seemed like there were a million things to catch Moiraine up on, and it was wonderful to tell her. Just as Lan had said, Moiraine was awake for a little over an hour and a half, and then she started fading again. Siuan slowed down and lowered her voice, and Moiraine dropped off just around the two-hour mark.
She took up her book again, and Lan came back in another hour after that. After a brief summary of how Moiraine had looked, they ironed out a loose schedule. Siuan went home, took a shower and collapsed into bed early, worn out.
Over the next two weeks, she spent time at the hospital, carting her own laptop with her to work while Moiraine was asleep. Gradually, Moiraine improved, which mostly meant she was more irritable about being bedridden. Siuan allowed her to log into her email and then read her emails and typed out her responses, as she still wasn't able to type with her cast on.
Lan, of course, was there some of the time, and Siuan was always grateful when he was, as he seemed to know before Moiraine did what she needed. Catherine visited once, for about a half-hour. Her visit had the feeling of a duty discharged, and no one was sad to see her go.
Through it all, Siuan kept a piece of herself guarded. Yes, Moiraine was here, now. Siuan, who normally faced reality head-on, had trouble convincing herself to truly think about what Moiraine had been through. Had she experienced something like this before? She thought back to some of the details Moiraine had provided about her work, and she shied away from the answer that she already knew. But if she had been hurt before, been in danger like this… would she put herself into that position again? And if she would, could Siuan live with not knowing?
Siuan didn't know, but she knew she couldn't stay away, either. Moiraine was alive, was here. She would be by her side as long as she could.
Moiraine's niece Elayne stopped by once, and, seeing that Moiraine was genuinely happy to see her, Siuan left them alone. When she returned a little later, she overheard Elayne saying, "Yes, it's all done-I know you said there was no rush, but I had some time before my next semester started and it was a good project. I kept good records and took pictures, too, so I can show my adviser."
"Thank you," Moiraine said, before turning to Siuan with a smile that drove all her questions out of her head.
Neither elaborated on that piece of the conversation, and Siuan ended up leaving before Elayne that day, so she didn't get a chance to ask Moiraine herself.
The next day, Siuan had a client cancel last-minute and headed to the hospital early. She was pretty sure Moiraine would get discharged in the next few days and was looking forward to spending less time going back and forth to the hospital. She'd started to learn the nurses' names and their shift schedules. The only thing that was worrying her now was the idea of Moiraine back home, by herself, in her sparse apartment.
She was so busy thinking through options that she didn't realize Moiraine's door was fully closed until she went to push it open. She frowned at the door; after weeks of visiting, she knew the rhythms of the day, and this was odd. Still, it was always better to wait than to interrupt. If the door stayed closed for more than a few minutes, she'd text Moiraine. Siuan hadn't been sitting for more than two minutes before the door opened and a slender, intense-looking woman swept out. She wasn't a nurse, and she wasn't any family member Siuan had seen before. The woman startled at the sight of Siuan, and then swept by, pretending she hadn't noticed her at all.
Siuan frowned. She got up and went into Moiraine's room. Moiraine was sitting up, frowning at a piece of paper in her hands, and she didn't seem to notice that Siuan had entered until Siuan was right by her bed. She looked up, folding the paper and tucking it away on the other side of her. She smiled, and it almost looked natural.
"Bad news?" Siuan said.
"Not at all," Moiraine said, voice steady enough to fool most people. "Just someone from my agent's office." She brightened, and that was genuine. "The doctor said I can go home tomorrow."
Siuan let her change the subject. "That's great," she said warmly. "I bet you're eager to sleep in your own bed."
"I'm more excited about that than being able to have proper tea, actually," Moiraine said. "And to have some peace and quiet."
"Yes," Siuan said, with some feeling. The hospital was quiet, but it was a busy sort of quiet that you could feel working hard to be unnoticeable. It wore on them all after a while.
"They think I need help for a bit while I get through physical therapy," Moiraine said, clearly less than pleased at the idea. "But telling them I'd hire someone got them to agree to let me leave a whole week sooner."
Siuan was privately relieved at this concession. "Do you have someone already?"
Moiraine shrugged. "Lan said he knew someone; she's supposed to come by tomorrow for when they discharge me." She fidgeted a little with the blanket over her lap. "Will you-can you be there?"
Siuan smiled. "Wouldn't miss it," she said.
They lapsed into a quiet, content silence. Or at least, Siuan thought it was; she was taken aback when Moiraine said, so quietly Siuan almost didn't hear her, "What am I going to do with myself?"
Siuan held her emotions tightly to her chest and said, "I would have thought your agent might have a few ideas."
Moiraine's head came up quickly, her eyes meeting Siuan's in mild-only mild-surprise. "My agent has… terminated my contract." She fingered the edge of the folded paper. "Disappointing in some ways, but not a surprise." She seemed cool and aloof, but Siuan thought she could see the emotions underneath: there was loss, there, but Siuan thought there was a heady rush of relief, too.
It gave her hope. She sat down, clinging to an outward calm she knew was a fragile thing. She raised an eyebrow. With a dry tone that was only a little rough around the edges, she said, "I would have thought that the story of getting caught in a bombing, surviving and escaping a war zone with two broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken arm would merit a pretty good advance."
Moiraine held her gaze. "Maybe for a novel," she said wryly. "Heavily fictionalized. In a few years."
It might be as close as she ever got to acknowledging what Siuan had guessed. It was good enough for Siuan, for now. She leaned back in her chair, opening her posture deliberately, and Moiraine's shoulders lowered fractionally in response.
Siuan said, "You'll find something. If you could draw a straight line, I might take you as an apprentice."
Moiraine huffed out a laugh. "Your business would never survive."
"I might not want it to," Siuan admitted. "Not forever, anyway."
Moiraine reached over-moving much more easily, now-and took her hand. "I'm glad you had it when you needed it."
Siuan squeezed her hand. "Me, too."
Siuan watched Moiraine being loaded into the cab outside the hospital and stifled a grin at her long-suffering face. Her new caregiver, Nynaeve, a solidly-built force of nature who wore her hair in a thick braid and a permanent scowl on her face, had taken one look at Moiraine, identified her as a problem patient, and proceeded to harangue her into compliance.
Moiraine was going to have a rough time ahead of her, but Siuan was relieved she'd have someone looking after her who wouldn't give in to her every whim. Now, if Nynaeve's patient had been Lan, there might have been more trouble. Siuan was sure that if Lan asked nicely, Nynaeve would give him literally anything he asked for.
And he was nearly as besotted, a fact that made Moiraine even grumpier, if that were possible.
Yes, Siuan thought, the next few weeks were bound to be interesting.
She and Lan followed Moiraine in a separate cab and arrived just as Moiraine got settled into her borrowed wheelchair for the trip inside.
Siuan wondered what Nynaeve would think of Moiraine's barren apartment. Probably sniff at it and make comments about having too much space for sense. She was almost looking forward to it, especially when Nynaeve made a disparaging comment about the size and opulence of the entrance. Moiraine gave Siuan a look that eloquently begged for death.
Siuan kept herself from laughing through sheer effort.
She wasn't laughing, however, when Lan opened the door to Moiraine's apartment. At first, she thought they'd ended up at the wrong place entirely. There was, for one thing, furniture: a table by the door, comfortable and beautiful chairs that matched the sofa she'd already had. There was a new buffet and side tables. The bookcases were still there, but filled with books and other items. There was more artwork, all of it displayed naturally and well. There were even plants. The whole effect was beautiful and welcoming, and the only person who was unphased by the whole was Nynaeve, who sniffed and said that the rugs should be rolled up for now, until Moiraine was out of the wheelchair and off her crutches, too.
"What-" Siuan said, even as Lan turned to Moiraine, the same question in his eyes.
Moiraine was still taking everything in, gaze flitting between the contents of the bookcases and the art on the walls, but she said, "I never realized I had so much stuff." She ran a finger across the table by the door. "I asked Elayne to do something with the place while I was gone-she was supposed to reside here until I got back, but obviously that plan changed."
She looked up, and her eyes met Siuan's. "I wanted a place to come home to."
Siuan couldn't help the grin that stole across her face. She barely noticed Lan coughing and offering to show Nynaeve around the apartment. She bent down and kissed Moiraine, surrendering, finally, to the thought that there would be a tomorrow for them, after all. That they might make this apartment, or her apartment, or another place entirely, their home.
