A fiery explosion went off as Papa John ran for his life. Bullets whizzed by his head as he desperately tried to get away from his assailants, before entering into an apartment building.
Papa John then ran through the hallway before entering a random room, shutting the door to some dude's apartment, and locking the door.
"Who the Hell are you?" said the owner
"You have to hide me" said Papa John
"What did you do?" said the owner
"I kinda tried to out pizza the hut" said Papa John guiltily
"You complete and utter madman. No one out pizzas the hut" said the owner.
"I know, and now they're out to get me" said Papa John urgently.
As Papa John continued to talk, the door burst open and a dozen Nicholas Cages entered the room, before aiming their guns at Papa John's head.
The leader of these Nicholas Cages stepped forward and said "Papa John, you are hereby charged with attempting to out pizza the hut. The sentence is execution."
Papa John held his hands up as the Nick Cages took aim and prepared to fire.
The owner of the house then raised his hands up before firing a blast of blue lightning from his palms, burning 6 of the Cages.
As their corpses fell to the ground, I sacrificed my grandma to the god of fanfiction. He is pleased for now.
"What did you say your name was again" asked Papa John.
"Sheev Palpatine" said Palpatine as he let out another blast of lightning and cooked several more Cages alive.
One more Nick Cage was left as Palpatine used his force powers to cause his gun to jam. He then walked over and said "tell me where your boss is or I'll fry you."
The Nick Cage smiled his classic deranged grin and said in a sing songy way "well, I think you'd better pull the trigger, because I don't give a fuck."
He then continued to sing as he pulled out a detonator and said "I'm ready, ready for the big ride baaaaaby!"
As Nicholas pushed the button on the detonator, Papa John and Sheev jumped out the window as the apartment building they were in got blown to smithereens.
Debris flew in all directions as the former apartment building now burned as brightly as the sun.
Palpatine then looked over at Papa John and said "you said you tried to out pizza the hut right?"
Papa John nodded his head and said "yes, that was a mistake on my part"
Palpatine then said "it was no mistake, let's go and show Pizza Hut what it truly means to be out pizza'd."
Papa John and Palpatine then high fived each other before they both turned into gummy worms and flew away into the sky to do battle with the leader of Pizza Hut.
…
As they flew away, the leader of Pizza Hut sat in his chair, watching the two of them on his flat screen TV.
"So, it seems like Papa John has gained himself an ally. Well too bad that it won't help him, nobody out pizzas the hut and he's about to find out the hard way" said the god of Pizza Hut to himself before pressing a button on his chair and sending out a horde of soldiers to kill our two heroes.
…
As Papa John and Palpatine flew towards the leader's lair, an army of Steve Buscemis suddenly appeared and shot our heroes out of the sky with a bazooka, causing the two of them to fall hundreds of feet to the ground before impacting the earth below, creating a gigantic crater in the ground.
Papa John and Palpatine both got back up, dusted themselves off and began attacking the army of soldiers.
Palpatine was using his trademark force lightning to cook dozens of Steve Buscemis at once, while Papa John had dropped his pants and was using his mega masturbator ability to stroke his 60-foot long dick to fire bright red lasers at the Steves, turning many of these men to dust in the process. It was a sight of pure chaos.
Blood and guts flew through the air as piles of bodies began to form due to the carnage that was being raised thanks to Papa John and Emperor Palpatine.
As Steve Buscemis were getting murdered left and right, Palpatine pulled out a red lightsaber and began laughing evilly as he brutally began chopping up the remaining Steve Buscemis with all the skill and precision that a Lord of the Sith could muster.
Basically a lot of fucking skill and precision.
Papa John yelled at Palpatine "STAND BACK" to which Palpatine obliged, before Papa John began stroking his massive cock with speeds unlike any that mankind had ever seen before. This continued for quite some time before Papa John finished stroking himself and unleashed a massive red beam of energy which disintegrated all of the Steve Buscemis instantly.
The Steves tried to get away, but it was no use as their bodies soon turned into charred skeletons.
Papa John then raised his hand in the air and high fived his buddy Palpatine. The sheer radicaltude of this high five was heard around the galaxy and caused the population of the earth to spontaneously begin skateboarding around their neighborhoods.
The two heroes then entered the Pizza Hut with the intention of wiping out their leader, once and for all.
…
The door to the leader's room exploded as Papa John and Palpatine burst in while Papa John shouted "ALRIGHT LEADER, WE'VE TAKEN OUT YOUR FORCES, NOW IT'S TIME TO SHOW YOURSELF!"
A man almost entirely cloaked in shadows turned around and said "I was wondering when you'd show up."
Palpatine said "for too long you've gone outpizza'd, and now it's time for this to change."
The man then said "I suppose you're welcome to try, and once you fail, I'm going to bake the planet earth into the greatest pizza that's ever been seen by anyone."
As the leader said this, Papa John and Palpatine gasped as the man stepped out of the shadows to reveal his true identity.
Standing before them, was the notorious fiend, The Noid!
"You're the leader of Pizza Hut? I thought you were the mascot for Dominoes?" asked Papa John.
"You fool, I may have been the mascot, but I've been working against them since day one. Soon, Pizza Hut will overtake all restaurants in the world and the human race will become the toppings to my next pizza."
"We can't let you do that" said Palpatine.
The Noid quickly responded with "who said I was taking orders from you?"
The Noid's eyes lit up before firing a blue blast of heat vision from his eyes at Palpatine, causing the Sith Lord to go flying back before hitting the wall.
Papa John tried dropping his pants to use his masturbation attack, but the Noid was one step ahead of him and tossed a belt at Papa John's waste, causing his pants to be held up once more.
The Noid then punched Papa John in the chin, sending him flying through the air, before breathing a stream of fire from his mouth, making several burns on Papa John's body appear before he hit the ground.
Palpatine once again ignited his lightsaber and began swinging wildly at the Noid in an attempt to cut the Pizza Hut leader to shreds, but The Noid pulled out a weapon of his own to counter the Emperor's and I think all of you know what it is.
The Noid pulled out a Sour Punch Straw and clashed against Palpatine's lightsaber.
Sparks erupted from the blue colored candy as The Noid defended himself against Palpatine's wild swings.
The Noid and Palpatine's weapons continued clashing against each other as neither warrior seemed to let up. Both of their eyes flashed with anger as the warriors fought with a killer instinct unknown to most mortal people but common among those who have had to kill to get where they are today.
Palpatine raised his saber above his head in an attempt to cleave the Noid in two, but the Noid was one-step ahead as he dropped down and sweep kicked Palpatine, causing the dark lord to fall over. The Noid then caught Sheev's saber out of the air and now began duel wielding his candy and lightsaber with the skills of a god.
"Any last words" asked The Noid.
"Yeah, prepare for a fucking sandwich" said Palpatine.
"What" asked The Noid
"Oh sorry, I meant knuckle sandwich. I'm always getting the two confused" said Palpatine
Palpatine then pulled his arm back and lunged forward before punching the Noid in the face, causing one of the Noid's teeth to fly out of his mouth and embed itself into the wall.
Palpatine then attempted to punch the Noid once more, but the Noid was ready this time as he lunged forward and stabbed Palpatine through the chest, killing the Sith Lord instantly.
As Palpatine fell to the floor, Papa John ran over to his friend and held him up to his arms.
"Papa John, just remember, with great power comes-" Palpatine stopped talking and began coughing up blood as Papa John asked "great responsibility?"
"Actually I was going to say Negro slaves but I suppose if you're not a racist then that works too" said Palpatine.
Tears came down Papa John's face as he felt his friend's body became limp and lifeless in his arms.
Papa John hugged Palpatine's body as he continued crying at the loss of his friend. Wishing that things could have been different.
Meanwhile, The Noid was playing his Sega Game Gear in the corner as he waited for this entire interaction to be over.
"YOU KILLED MY FRIEND" yelled Papa John.
"Who me" asked The Noid innocently.
Papa John reached into his pocket and flung a Twinkie at the Noid, stabbing the leader of Pizza Hut in the head.
The Noid ripped the Twinkie out of his head and blood began to spray from his head wound.
"Now you've done it" said the Noid before pulling out a t-shirt cannon and firing several t-shirts at Papa John.
Papa John managed to dodge three of them, but the fourth one hit him square in the chest.
Papa John began coughing up copious amounts of blood as the Noid said "do you like that, my t-shirt cannon has the power kill anyone that's hit by its magnificent power. It's quite beautiful, don't you think?"
The Noid then pressed his t-shirt cannon against Papa John's head and said "any last words?"
"Yeah, peanut butter flip flops"
"What" asked The Noid.
Before the Noid could react, Papa John sweep kicked the Noid and caused the clever bastard to fall on his ass while Papa John began to stand back up.
Papa John then grabbed the Noid's t-shirt cannon and emptied all of the t-shirts from the gun. He then grabbed a copy of Donkey Kong 64 and loaded the game cartridge into the gun before aiming the device at the Noid.
"You used to be the owner of Pizza Hut, now you will be the owner of Pizza Butt"
The Noid looked at Papa John for a second before saying "Pizza Butt?"
The Noid didn't get to finish as Papa John's cocoanut gun fired in spurts and hit The Noid square in the face.
The Noid then fell to the ground, his body devoid of life.
Papa John smiled at his fallen foe before frowning as he looked at Palpatine's fallen body.
"Rest easy friend" said Papa John.
"That shouldn't be a problem" said Palpatine.
"Palpatine, where are you?" asked Papa John.
"Before I died, I ejected my spirit into your body. Now we both share the same vessel" said Palpatine.
"That's wonderful" said Papa John.
"It is, but we shouldn't celebrate right now. An army of Jonah Hills are preparing to attack the earth, and we're the only ones who can stop them" said Palpatine.
"Then let's go, partner" said Papa John.
The newly created fusion then left to go and do battle against the empire of Jonah Hills and I finally got surgery to get my brain tumor removed.
