Chapter 26

Jennie

I had entirely too much hair to be whipping it around in such a passionate show of head banging, but I didn't care.

My curls bounced and flew around me as I danced and sang to Lizzo on the Friday night before our home game against the Hawks, glasses sliding down the bridge of my nose with every pump of my hips. The spatula in my hand was the microphone, the fuzzy socks on my feet serving as perfect twirling material when I sashayed from the stove to the sink to drain the angel hair pasta.

My phone buzzed with the number that automatically rang when someone hit the button next to my apartment number outside, letting me know Lisa was here. I tapped the code to let her in and felt my smile growing wider without me even willing it to. I texted her right after.

Door's unlocked.

The homemade vodka sauce I'd put together bubbled precariously on the stove, so I turned the heat down before bending to check on the cheesy garlic bread toasting in the oven. The sausage was already done, covered in foil in the microwave to keep it warm. My entire apartment smelled like an Italian heaven, and my stomach grumbled just as my front door slowly creaked open.

Lisa didn't even stand a chance of a normal greeting, not before I skipped over to her and grabbed her wrists, pulling her the rest of the way through the door and kicking it closed with my foot behind us.

I mouthed the words to the song just as my favorite part came on, and I even made a little hang ten gesture with my hand as I pretended it was a shot I was throwing back in time with the lyrics. The beat was intoxicating, and I pulled Lisa to the middle of my living room floor, doing a little spin under her hand before I let her go altogether and turned around just in time to drop it down in a twerk for her.

She should have laughed.

She should have been dancing with me, being a silly fool like we always were together.

At the very least, she should have had her hands on me after that twerk situation, because I knew my ass looked good in these sweatpants.

Instead, she watched me with a long, expressionless face, her eyes far off and distant.

And my heart bottomed out at the sight.

"Shit," I said, running over to my phone to pause the song and pull the vodka sauce off the burner. I took the bread out of the oven before rushing back to her. "What's wrong? Did something happen at practice?" My eyes shot open wider when I thought of the next possibility. "Oh God, are you hurt? Did you get injured?"

I grabbed her by the arms, taking in the full length of her in search of anything that might be bandaged or bleeding. When I didn't find anything, I let my gaze find her again.

And the misery staring back at me stole my next breath.

"Lisa…" I warned. "What is it? You're scaring me."

I saw every ounce of effort she put into trying to keep her face straight, into trying to remain emotionless. But slowly, little by little, she gave herself away. Her eyebrows bent, nostrils flaring, bottom lip quivering just once before she blew out a breath and pulled out of my grip.

I stood there in her absence, feeling the cool wind of her brushing past me. When I turned, she was facing the kitchen, her back to me, hands clasped on top of her head as her back muscles flexed with every haggard breath.

"Lisa," I tried, fear prickling my nerves.

She stood there silent for so long, I almost said her name again. But then finally, her hands fell to her side, and she pulled her shoulders back, holding her chin high as she turned to face me once more.

"It's over, J."

I frowned, confusion sparring with the anxiety niggling at my belly. "What's over?"

Her throat constricted. "Us."

I laughed. It was automatic, even as I frowned and shook my head and felt tears burning behind my eyes. "What? Don't be ridiculous. What are you talking about?"

When she didn't answer, all laughter ceased.

"Lisa, what are you saying right now? What are you… What…"

Everything I tried to ask was cut off by the absolute refusal of me to accept what she was saying. I shook my head, over and over, crossing my arms over myself as I stared at her and took in all the pain she was clearly feeling.

"It was all a game to me," she said, her voice stoic and unmoved, eyes glossed over. "I'm sorry I used you, that I pretended like I wanted to be with you. I had to do what it took to get Diana back."

A single tear fell over my cheek, so fast I couldn't catch it with the swipe of my hand that came too late. "Get Diana back?" I echoed.

"She came over last night," she said, and the coldness in her voice made me shiver like a tree in a storm. "We talked, and she wants to be together again. It's what I want, too. I'm just sorry I pulled you into this."

My face warped with betrayal and emotion, stomach turning so violently I doubled over a bit with the pain. But then I stood again, staring at her through my blurred vision.

And again, her façade slipped.

Her bottom lip trembled so bad she wiped her hand over her face to cover it, and then she hung her hands on her hips and turned away from me again to hide the rest.

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

And then I charged.

"Bullshit," I seethed, shoving her from behind. She stumbled forward before turning to face me just in time for me to push her again. "This is all bullshit and I know it. Why are you doing this? What the fuck is going on, Lisa?"

"I just told you what's going on. This has been my plan all along," she said, voice louder, and I watched as she willed herself with all her might to be angry, to glare down at me — but she failed pathetically, and tears filled her eyes, falling over her cheeks as my heart broke with the sight.

I reached out for her, swiping the wetness from her face before I held her cheeks in my hands.

"Don't do this," I begged. "I don't know what's going on, but please, don't do this."

Her face twisted in grief, and she turned away from me but leaned into my palm, closing her eyes and releasing another wave of tears before she peeled my hands off her.

"I have to go," she whispered, brushing past me.

But before she could reach the door, I ripped her back.

"Stop!" I screamed. "Stop this right now. Look at me," I begged, grabbing her chin in my hands and forcing her. "Look at yourself. You don't mean this. You don't mean any of it." I shook my head. "You don't."

"Please," she pleaded, and as more tears filled her eyes, she tried to pull away from me. I didn't know if it was shame from crying, or shame from what she was saying, or both. "I can't."

"You can't what?" I asked desperately, trying to read between the lines.

She shook her head, freeing my hands from her before she kissed my fingertips and let them go completely. "You deserve to be happy, Jennie. I want you to be happy. Just… move on. Go be with Kai and—"

"I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH KAI," I cried, pressing back into her space. I pushed up onto my toes, wrapped my arms around her neck and refused to leave any distance between us when I whispered, "I want to be with you."

She cracked, a sob breaking through her veneer as I slammed my mouth over hers, tasting the fresh tears there. Her arms wrapped fully around me, and she kissed me like she fucking hated me, like I was the absolute bane of her existence.

And then, she pushed me back.

"I have to go," she said, voice cracking as she went for the door.

"Whatever it is, whoever it is you think you're helping, you're breaking the promise you made to me," I said to her back, and I knew I was right, knew I'd struck a nerve when she stopped abruptly, her back heaving with every breath.

Carefully, I moved around her, bending to catch her gaze.

"The promise you made to yourself," I reminded her.

She closed her eyes, letting out a long, hot exhale. "I have to."

"Have to what? What are you doing, exactly?"

But she wouldn't answer me. She just shook her head, all her effort going toward strangling the emotion desperately trying to break free.

And in an instant, in a snap of a band I didn't realized was stretched so thin, I went from sad and hurt to all-encompassing anger.

"You're a coward, Lisa Manoban," I whispered.

Her eyes snapped to mine, pain laden in them, but I didn't care.

She was hurting me, too.

"You're a coward, and a fool, and this isn't what you want, and I know it." I shook my head. "Let me in. Tell me what happened. Tell me and we can fix it together."

Lisa just stared at me, her nostrils flaring as her eyes wandered over the length of my face like she was savoring every inch of it and storing it in her memory.

Like she'd never see me again.

And that broke me.

"Fine!" I screamed, and in a move that surprised both of us, I punched her straight in the chest with both of my fists. "Go! Leave!"

Lisa took every hit, her eyes fluttering shut, not so much of a flinch each time my little hands rained down on her.

"Go be with Diana. Go pretend like none of this mattered, like I don't matter."

She shook her head at that, reaching for me, but I swatted her away.

"No. No, don't try to take it back now."

"Kitten," she whispered in a pained breath.

"GET OUT!" I screamed, hitting her again and again as I shoved her toward the door. "I hate you! I never want to see you again! I hate you!"

The words came out more desperate and garbled with every breath as sobs ripped free from my chest, echoing off every wall of my apartment.

"I'm sorry," she whispered against another flood of tears, trying to hold onto me as I pushed and pushed.

"You…" I stopped, melting into her arms as she wrapped me up tight. I shook and cried and she did the same. "You broke my fucking heart."

Silence fell over us, one long, still moment.

"I broke mine, too," she whispered.

And then she released me.

I gasped at the loss, but didn't have time to do more than reach for her back as she pulled my front door open and flew out of it without looking back at me.

A mangled cry fell from my lips when she was gone, and I sank down to the floor, bones collapsing in a heap before I hugged my knees to my chest like that was the only way to keep myself together.

Just like that, my cotton candy cloud moment was over.

And no matter how I braced for it, I knew I'd never survive the crash to the ground.