The dishes had been done. The kitchen was tidy, and vacant of all McFaddens. I did my shot, and took an apple and a chunk of cheese and headed

up to my bedroom via the back stairs, taking my book bag along. I felt as though I'd been put through a old wringer washing machine backwards. Limp. Dragging. Worn out.

And my nerves felt as though they were hopping around like jumping beans.

I sat on my bed, eating the apple and beginning on my anatomy homework. I wasn't really hungry, but I was eating the apple because-well, because I knew that

I'd feel better, that it was good for me, and-because Adam had said to.

I tried to lose myself in my work, but it was difficult. When I'd struggled thru the anatomy I began brushing my hair. I couldn't face my math. It just

seemed overwhelming right at the moment, and I for sure and certain could not go downstairs to ask Crane for help.

There was a light tap, very light, on my door. I instantly felt my stomach knot.

I said 'come in' and, to my relief, it was Hannah who came in.

"I came up to check on you, before I head to bed," she said.

She left the door just slightly open, and came over to sit down on the bed beside me.

"Have a snack?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah."

She watched me, her blue eyes questioning, and a little disappointed. "Harlie, what were you thinking?"

I shrugged. I was too tired to defend myself. "I don't know," I said.

Hannah looked sorrowful. "Alright. I'm not going to say any more and make you feel worse. I know you had a rough time with Adam and Brian."

I sighed. "They're so much sometimes."

"I don't think they want you to be scared of them," Hannah said. "They want you to be frightened of putting yourself in danger."

"I know," I said.

Hannah gave my knee a pat. "Things will look brighter in the morning."

"Okay," I said, not really believing that.

I thought maybe Adam would come up to tell me goodnight. He's not one to hold a grudge against us kids. He gets mad and lectures and

maybe he punishes, but then it's over. He doesn't constantly refer to whatever happened. Even when I'd been grounded for almost three months for

running off to Daniel's last spring, he didn't keep talking it to death during my grounding. He just went on treating me as usual.

But, Adam didn't come up to tell me goodnight. That made me sad. It really did. I wasn't too worried about Brian-he blusters and all but

he wouldn't stay mad.

I felt weepy as I turned off my light and got into bed. It was lonely being confined up here, away from everybody, and nobody but Hannah coming

to talk to me, or say goodnight.

My last thought before I dropped off to sleep, other than being weepy about Adam, was the thought of Daniel. When he found out that Jill

hadn't told him about me being there with her, around Leo, he was bound to be angry. With Jill. And, maybe with me, too.

I didn't need that. I really did not.

7

I got up earlier than usual the next morning. I got dressed and ready, surveying myself in the bathroom mirror

as I brushed my teeth. Guthrie paused on his way past.

"Need in here?" I offered, still brushing.

"Nah."

I gave Guthrie a brief, whispered version of what had happened, and his response was to scowl at me.

"You gave me grief, and all I did was go around the back of the bar," he said. "Didn't even see or talk to anybody. Then you do somethin'

like this?"

"Don't, Guthrie," I said. "I don't need anybody else to tell me off."

I guess I looked forlorn because he sighed, and said, "Nobody ought to be surprised about anything you do concerning animals."

"It wasn't just the cat I was worried about," I said.

"I know. You sort of like Jill now, don't ya?"

"Yeah. I sort of do," I said.

"Well-" Guthrie began, but was interrupted by a hand clapping on his shoulder.

"Hey," Daniel said, and Guthrie said, "Hey," in answer.

Daniel didn't say anything to me. He just went quiet, looking at me. Guthrie gave me a puzzled look, and lifted his shoulders in a a shrug, as if to

say, silently, 'I dont know what's going on'.

"Comin' down to breakfast?" Guthrie asked him.

"Yeah. In a couple of minutes. Don't let Brian eat all the pancakes," Daniel said.

"Okay," Guthrie said, and headed towards the stairs.

I watched him go with regret. I had a fairly good idea what was about to happen.

I rinsed my mouth out, and dried it with a towel. I snapped off the light, and would have moved past Daniel, only he was standing there,

right where I needed to squeeze past. So I paused, looking at him.

I didn't even pretend to not know what was on his mind. I was too worn down to pretend to be full of pep or play games.

"You aren't allowed to be mad at me," I told him, quietly.

I knew it was the wrong thing to say, as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Or, at least, the wrong thing in Daniel's mind. I wasn't really

sorry, though.

"Yeah?" he asked, in a challenging sort of way, frowning.

"Yeah."

"Think again," he said, sounding almost stern-like.

I tilted my head and gave him a beseeching sort of look.

"What makes you think that?" he demanded.

I sighed. "Because-I already got raked over the coals by Adam and Brian-and because I was trying to help Jill-and because I already know

that it wasn't one of my better ideas. That's why."

"You deserved to be raked over the coals," Daniel said. "So don't expect any sympathy from me on that."

"I didn't say I expected any sympathy from you," I said, feeling wounded even though I told myself not to. "That would be too much to hope

for, I guess."

Daniel was giving me a look. It was one I don't see often, towards me, anyways. And, I didn't like it. Not one bit.

"Brian's going to eat all the pancakes," I said, lightly, feigning jolliness, and waved my hands at him in a motion for him to move from my path.

Daniel didn't move, though. He just stood there, blocking my way, like the proverbial brick wall, and looking at me.

"Are we just going to stay standing like this all day?" I asked.

"Maybe," he said, again as if as a challenge.

I suddenly lost all my stamina. Not that I'd had a bunch this morning, anyway.

"Daniel, what do you want me to say?" I asked, feeling as though I was going to tear up. I swallowed hard. "I know that i shouldn't have. I

really was concerned about Jill, though."

I saw a crack in Daniel's tough-guy facade. He didn't look so stern-like now.

"I don't want you to get involved in any of this bullshit," he said. "I'd prefer that none of the family had to be involved. But, for sure, not

Guthrie, and not you."

"Okay. I understand that," I said. "And, I promise that I won't."

Daniel nodded in acceptance, and said, "I'm glad you and Jill are getting to know each other. That's great, and it makes me happy." He paused.

"You feel differently about her than you did before, right?"

"I like her," I said, plainly. Simply. And honestly. "I don't understand everything about her-or everything that she does, but I do like her."

Daniel gave me a half-smile. "That's good."

"So-are you not mad at me about all this anymore?" I asked him, sure that I knew the answer.

"Naw. I'm not mad at you." He reached out to tug on one of my wayward curls. "I wasn't ever mad at you."

"You sure could have fooled me on that," I said, smiling at him. "I thought you were."

"Ah," he said, holding up his index finger. "You see, that's a strategy I've found helpful with you. You always 'fess up or lose your attitude

if I act like I'm mad at ya." He tapped my nose with that same index finger.

I gave him a pretend jab to his stomach. "Now you've told me about it-so it won't work for you anymore," I said.

Daniel looped his right arm around my neck, and began to propel me towards the stairs and down to breakfast.

"See, but you won't know for sure," he told me. "I might be pretending to be mad, or I might really be mad. You won't know."

"Mmm," I said. "Maybe I'll devise a strategy of my own sometime to deal with you."

"You won't be able to outsmart the master, squirt," Daniel said. Then he lost his playfulness, and said, "But, you stay out of stuff like this. I'm serious

about that."

"I promised you," I said, looking up into his face. "Do you want me to pinky swear?" I held out my right hand, extending my pinky finger, and hooked

it around his pinky on his hand that was still in the cast.

7

Having Daniel beside me as we went into the kitchen helped me a lot. There was a general greeting of 'good mornings' from everybody to both

of us.

Daniel sat down in his spot as I slid into my own. "At least you left something for the rest of us," he told Brian, forking three pancakes and

several slices of bacon onto this plate.

Brian gave a 'hmmpf' in answer.

"Are you eating school lunch today?" Hannah was asking Guthrie and I.

Guthrie said yes, that he was, and I nodded. It was easier than hanging around to pack a lunch that morning.

"I made you a baggie of apple slices," she told me. Hannah does that-makes me snacks to take to school, to keep in my locker to

snack on during the day.

"Thanks," I told her.

"Is Jill alright this morning?" Hannah asked Daniel.

"Yeah. She's still sleepin'," Daniel said. "I thought it'd do her good. She was up late workin' on that quilt."

Hannah nodded. I ate my pancakes, spread with jelly, and not syrup. I don't know why, but I remembered suddenly how Daniel had gone out

and bought sugar-free syrup for me last spring at his house, even though he was mad at me for running off from home and worrying everybody.

That made me feel weepy. What the heck was wrong with me?

"You alright?" Hannah asked me, low, ever noticing of my mood.

I nodded, and finished my food. Everyone was finishing and scooting in their chairs, setting their plates on the counter by the sink.

I went back upstairs to gather my homework and books, and then my book bag. I hoped, just this once, that Adam wouldn't be outside on the

porch, to see Guthrie and I off to school. But, Adam is a creature of habit. Of customs. And, there he was. Leaning against one of the porch

columns, cup of coffee in one hand. The same porch column he'd been leaning against last night when he and Brian had taken me to task.

He was talking to Guthrie, and I came out, letting the door shut softly behind me again.

I hustled down the front stairs, prepared to make a quick exit.

"See you later," I said in a general way. I wasn't going to be petty enough to not speak to Adam or not say goodbye. But this could be meant for

Adam or for Guthrie, whichever. I was covered.

Guthrie said, "See you later," and was down the stairs heading towards his own truck.

"Harlie," Adam called.

I stopped, and turned back, halfway to my truck, to freedom, to look at him.

"Comere," he said.

I stood there, looking at him for a long, long moment. Then, I sighed to myself, and trudged back over to the bottom of the stairs. He came down to stand on

the bottom stair, and then down beside me.

"You get some decent sleep last night?" he asked me.

I nodded, and he asked, "No nightmare?"

"No," I said, feeling sheepish because he knew the subject of my nightmare and that was too close to the horrible porch talk we'd had.

"Good," he said.

He was quiet, and I was quiet, and I wondered if I should head towards my truck again. If he was done. If that's all he'd wanted-to see how I'd slept. Somehow,

I doubted that was all.

"I don't want you headin' out for your day at school all upset," Adam said. His voice was quiet, and so kind. I looked up at him, meeting his

eyes. Suddenly, it was as though a dam burst.

I began to-not cry-but nearly, my eyes filling with tears, and sniffling. "It just-hurts me-when you're mad at me!" I said.

Adam's face softened, and he said, "We're gonna have disagreements between us, Harlie. That's just part of the whole deal that we've got." I knew he meant

because he had be a 'dad' and not just a brother to me.

"I know," I managed.

"There's times when you're gonna be in trouble with me, when you've done something wrong, and I need to get onto you about it."

"I know," I said, again, subdued. "I understand that-it's just hard for me when it happens."

"I don't like when it has to happen, either," Adam said.

We looked at each other, and I could tell he was softening even more.

"Alright." He studied me, his eyes softer, too. "I'm glad you were plannin' to talk to us about it. That means a whole lot to me."

I bobbed my head.

Adam took a handful of the front of my jacket in his hand and pulled me over, wrapping his arms around me, and hugging me really tightly.

I needed that hug. I really did. I pressed my face into his chest, hugging him back.

We stood there like that for several long moments. Adam didn't set me away, he let me decide when to break the hug.

I swiped at my eyes, looking up at him.

"Need to go in for a Kleenex?" he asked me.

"I've got some in the truck," I said.

"Okay. Feelin' a little better, now?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Okay. See you when you get home later, then."

I nodded. "Okay. Bye."

"Have a good day," he said.

I said okay. I knew it would be way better now that he and I had talked like this.

7