Let's Talk (Female Edition)

She looked at the annoying clock on her cream-colored wall, slithering back and forth. Her blue-sclera eyes feasted on the shimmering sheets of white blanketing her suburb outside. The roads were dangerous, and knowing her friend, she may be too ambitious.

Suddenly, the serpent heard a knock on the black door. She opened it and in rushed a bundled tiger, growling at the stinging snow trying to freeze them both as the snake closed the door. "GRRR! I hate winter. Ugh," The tiger said, throwing the gym bag clutched under her arm to the ground.

"Really?" The snake said humorously, "I thought you liked the snow."

"When we were in college."

"Why?"

"I didn't have to drive in it."

The snake frowned, "Tigress, you could've come at a different time."

"It only got bad when I was halfway here, Viper," the tiger replied.

"Still." The snake cast her worries aside as she slithered around her feline friend, stealing some of her warmth. "It's so good to have you stay over though."

"I'm glad I could make it. Too bad the others couldn't come."

"Honestly," She confessed as she settled back to her light hardwood floors, "I was hoping it would be this way. We haven't been like this in ages."

"What do you mean?"

"Just the two of us."

"We've been alone together before."

"Not as much as you think. I mean, when was the last time you and Po haven't been around each other?"

"I..." After thinking for two minutes, Tigress couldn't find a single way to argue. She shook her head. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Maybe," Viper smirked. "But it also means that you and I haven't talked in a long while. Alone anyway." She slithered passed the entryway to the pale green living room, and she slid onto the dark avocado couch. Tigress shed her thick black coat and sat down, stretching her body out. "So... how have you been?"

"I've been good."

Viper raised an eyebrow. "You know you're going to have to give me more info than that."

Tigress rolled her eyes. "I moved to the city."

"For money?"

"Yeah, inflation," Tigress grumbled. "I know my parents weren't happy about it."

"You need your space either way," Viper replied. She wrapped her tail around a mug on the nearby coffee table. "By the way, I made tea. It's a little cool, but-"

"At this point, anything is better than ice," Tigress grumbled and grabbed the tea. She sipped it. Jasmine. "Mm, very good."

"I'm glad you like it. Now why the move?"

"I thought it would be a little better for work."

"Still crunching those numbers?"

"Of course," Tigress smirked. "With my boss still being a math illiterate, someone has to actually run the company."

"I imagine that's not good for your rest days?"

"Rest? What's that?"

Viper giggled a hint, sipping her tea. Suddenly she stopped and narrowed her eyes, lowering her mug. Staring at Tigress, she uttered a slow tilt of her head as she asked, "Wait, you moved to the city?"

"Yeah," Tigress answered. "Why?"

"You hate the city."

"It's gotten better."

"Not by much."

"It's an easier commute."

"You have your own parking spot at work."

"It's... cheaper."

"Lies."

"What are you trying to get at, Viper?" Tigress grunted.

Viper stared and shrugged with a tilt of her head. "Nothing. I just found it odd."

"Hm," Tigress grumbled. She closed her eyes as the tea rolled down her throat.

"I find it coincidental that Po also lives in the city."

Tigress opened her eyes at the snake's face. The sly smirk caught her attention. Tigress lowered her mug and set it back on the table, sighing, "It's not like that."

"Then what is it?"

"It's... Po said that to drive 45 minutes to work was ridiculous, and he's right. He managed to find me a place that's very decent for a low cost."

Viper raised a scaly eyebrow. "And... where exactly is this place?"

Tigress pursed her lips and sighed, dragging her fingers down her face. "Near his apartment complex."

"Hmmm."

"It's not like that, Viper."

"I just don't get how you two are so close and don't have feelings for each other."

"We don't."

"But?"

Tigress sighed, resting her elbows on her knees. "Ever since I left college and started my job, I've been... lonely. Po has been the only one that really checks up on me." The tiger lifted her head. Viper's frown and saddened eyes shocked Tigress. "I don't blame you or the others. I know life is busy. I just... Po's been the only one who bugs me all the time."

"Hehe, not just you," Viper smiled, setting her mug down. "He checks on all of us. But I thought you'd like the solitude."

Tigress sighed, "Too much of a good thing."

Viper nodded, slithering out of the couch, "But that doesn't mean you can't step outside of your comfort zone."

"I don't like being awkward."

"Life is awkward," Viper smiled back as she headed towards the kitchen. "The faster you realize that, the sooner you'll stop caring about that feeling."

"If you say so," Tigress sighed. She stood up and followed the snake. Faded black cabinets with gray backsplash and walls and a marble countertop with an island and an overhanging air vent stood for a kitchen. "This is very nice. I see the interior blogging is going well."

"Oh I reduced that ages ago," Viper replied. "It was eating up my life."

"That's what happens when you try to have a job that 'trends' all the time," Tigress smirked.

Viper stuck her tongue out at her. "Anyways, I work remotely." Tigress raised an eyebrow, placing her hands on her hips. She scanned the snake up and down. Viper rolled her eyes. She knew the obvious question. "I use a lot of dictation on the computer and answer phone calls. Even then, you'd be surprised how fast I am even with no hands."

"But... how?"

"Very good control on my tail tip. But dictation gets me there most of the time. And I have software specifically for snakes. It requires a bed though."

"A bed?"

"Well, there's basically a bunch of buttons surrounding me. So I hit each one with a different letter and... you'd have to see it to understand. It's like a keyboard for snakes."

Tigress simply blinked. Viper shook her head and reached into the fridge. "Anyway, did you want anything to eat? I have some leftovers."

"Sure." The two sat down by the island, eating the leftovers. As her tongue tasted the food, Tigress's eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute. This tastes familiar."

"Wh-What do you mean?"

The tiger looked at her friend. Her blue eyes darted away for a brief moment. That was her tell.

"You didn't make this did you."

"Oh! No, I didn't. It's... fast food."

"No it isn't."

"What?"

"This tastes exactly like Crane's food."

"Oh! I... didn't realize that," Viper slowly said.

Tigress's face fell as she scooted the plate away. "Alright. Spill it."

"The leftovers?"

"Viper."

"Alright, alright," The snake sighed. "Yes, Crane and I have been... seeing each other."

"How long?"

"About two months."

"Why keep it private?"

"He roommates with Mantis and Monkey."

"Ahh, yes, that makes perfect sense," Tigress grumbled. The two pranking teasers would torment Crane endlessly if they knew. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"After figuring out how close you were to Po, I figured it would only be a matter of time before he'd got it out of you."

"I'm not a blabbermouth."

"But Po is."

"And you think I would tell him?"

"You know he has a funny way of prying even the most secretive lips open. He even got Professor Shifu to tell the whole class that he was dating again, remember?"

She had a point. Tigress sighed, "Alright, I'll try my best to keep things secret, but you know that the boys will eventually know, even if I don't tell them."

"I know, but we're trying to find the best time."

"Which is?"

"I don't know."

Tigress smiled a hint, "Well, we can talk about other things than the guys. I finally started doing yoga."

"What?! That's amazing! Wait, why?" Viper's eyes narrowed.

"No, Po didn't coax me."

"Just wondering," Viper said defensively.

"It was actually an old friend of Crane's; Mei Ling."

"Oh yeah, I remember her," Viper smiled. "And she convinced you."

"She can be very persuasive. She even convinced my parents to help me move out of their house."

"Really?!"

"Of course, Po was already talking my parents up, so she had help."

"Hehe, seems like you can't get away from the panda."

"Viper."

"Kidding, kidding," Viper chuckled.

"You're right, Viper," Tigress smiled as she took another forkful of the leftovers. "It's good to have some time alone from the boys to talk about other things."

Viper giggled, "We haven't talked about much, Tigress. We've only been talking about the boys."

"Not by much. So we're not complete Bechdel failures."

Viper tilted her head to the left. "What?"

Tigress grumbled under her breath. "Sorry, it's a movie term Po talks about on his job."

"How is his animation job?"

"Great. Wait, why ask me?" Tigress narrowed her eyes.

"Just curious," Viper grinned, "Now, what's this Bechdel stuff you were talking about?"

"It's a test. To pass it, a story, movie or book, that has two female characters talking must talk about anything but the men."

Viper's eyes shrunk. "Wait, what? Why?"

"Po says that the whole idea was originally to show how older stories, mostly written by men, reduce female characters to only talk about men while male characters seem to talk about everything."

"And the challenge is to show that women CAN talk about other things that aren't male-centric?" Viper finished. Tigress nodded. The snake's eyes looked to the top left for a moment. "Isn't that really restrictive? I mean, I know women don't ONLY talk about men, but we do sometimes. Trying to not talk about certain people completely sounds... limiting."

Tigress shrugged, "Po says it's more of an aim rather than an absolute goal. Women can have a conversation without talking about men but it also has to be an... interesting conversation." Viper's confused face still remained. "We can talk about math, algebra, clothing, war, politics, philosophy, food, and ambitions just like men do. But depending on what the story is, people might not want to read that. What the female characters talk about has to fit the story."

"And be a believable conversation," Viper added. Tigress nodded. "Why would Po mention that?"

"They're talking about doing this scene where two women are talking and the head story writer, who is a woman, wanted them to pass the Bechdel to prove a point," Tigress grumbled. "From what I heard, she's very annoying."

"What did Po think?"

"He likes the challenge, but the more he does it, the more it seems like a guideline, not something to follow at all costs. And passing the test doesn't guarantee that it's a good story." Tigress chuckled a bit. "It would be odd to see a bunch of high school girls talking about Nilhism, cars, and clothes from the 16th century."

"They might. At least about the cars," Viper chuckled. "But I get what you mean. I know it can be the same for men."

"Needless to say, the head story writer... reversed her stance when the female dialogues were getting too... weird."

Viper rose a scaly eyelid. "What do you mean?"

"Other than gossiping about other women and their personal backstories, Po said that the characters would talk about... fashion, celebrities, and cooking."

"That doesn't sound bad."

"Not for a story set in medieval times with a band of female warriors as the protagonists for a young adult audience."

"Oh."

"Even though Po suggested that the female characters should talk about fighting, their conquests, their adventures, and their vulnerabilities, the head writer said that it didn't seem... feminine enough."

Viper's face fell harder than the fork that fell into her food. "Yeah, Po had the same reaction."

"Why is it that hard?" Viper hissed. "Women talk about the same thing that men talk about. It just has to fit the people you're talking about."

"That can be another limiting factor. If we were say, Kung fu warriors, I don't think we would talk about the same thing," Tigress sighed.

"What makes you say that?"

"You talk about clothes and I'm actually interested in self-defense. And given our characteristics? It's possible, but the conversations aren't exactly...

"Awkward-free?" Viper smirked. Tigress grumbled a bit. "Why Kung Fu warriors?"

"It's a story that Po's doing. Something about a fighting panda. I don't know," Tigress waved the idea away. "Anyways, that is the Bechdel test."

"Sounds like a chore."

"It can be, but like Po said, it's more of an aim rather than an absolute goal," Tigress smirked. "And even when you pass the test, people may not like it."

"Heh, whatever happened to the head writer?" Viper asked.

"She got booted off the team since none of her ideas worked," Tigress replied.

Viper smirked, "Were the women at Po's job upset?"

"That's the funny part," Tigress smiled, "The writing department is mostly made of women."

"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

"But Po says that the new head writer, another woman, has been making some great stories."

"With believable female-to-female conversations, I hope," Viper smirked.

Tigress smiled, "Like Po says, Keep it simple stupid."

"Haha," Viper chuckled. "Come on, let me show you my bed."

"Uh-"

"For work, Tigress," Viper groaned with a playful smirk. The two women laughed and talked as the blizzard slowly stilled to a soft silent snowfall.

The End

A/N: So no, this wasn't me trying to pass the Bechdel test. This was actually an attempt of me trying to imagine what kind of conversation Tigress and Viper would have. Modern AU allows more flexibility because for some reason I couldn't think of much they would have in common in their normal world. And their personalities are very different when I think about it. Needless to say, sometimes you just have to experiment and see what seems good and what doesn't. What do you think?