I just woke up. Time to get ready for the school day. I'm a little disappointed my girlfriend isn't next to me. She is usually the one who has a harder time getting up and I have to gently prod her for a while. Not today, I guess. I yawn and then get up and start getting ready.

Akari comes in while I'm doing my hair in the mirror and without looking at her, I say, "Good morning. You got up early."

"Morning…I'm not going to be able to d-do school today. I tried to power through and get ready but I just…can't."

Without even looking at her I recognize the strained tone of voice that tells me she's in pain. We both have distinctive pain voices of our own, so it's easy for us to recognize them in the other. I turn around and I see that she is wrapped in nothing but a towel. Her hair is wet, but it still has some shampoo in it. It looks like she started to take a shower but didn't quite have it in her to finish. Even if she didn't have a rash on her face and she didn't look like she was about to faint, I would know this was a lupus flare.

"Okay, let's get you back in your pajamas and put you back in bed."

She nods feebly and sits down on the bed, wincing in pain as she does. I get her pajamas and help her put them on. "Is it okay if I finish drying your hair? That won't hurt right?"

She shakes her head and I gently dry her hair and get the unrinsed shampoo out of it.

I unmake the bed and pull back the covers. "Here, get back in bed, okay?" She nods and slowly climbs in, doing her best to avoid painful movements. I get in and gently hold her from behind, careful not to touch anywhere she might be hurting.

"Should we go to the nurse?"

"No. I still have pills from l-last time. I took one. We can call later, and she'll send a note to my teachers."

"Okay. Is there anything you need? Do you want a warm washcloth for your face?"

"Y-yeah, that sounds soothing. My face feels like it's on fire."

I give her a little squeeze. "Okay, I'll be right back."

I get a washcloth and then go to the bathroom and soak it in warm water in the sink.

This is the first time this has happened since I've been her girlfriend. Just the idea of going to class while she's suffering like this is hard.

I take the washcloth back to my room and very gently place it over her face.

"Mmm…wow that d-does feel good. Where'd you get the idea?"

"Well…I did some research. I wanted to know how I might be able to help when this happened again."

She blindly reaches out for my hand, and I give it to her.

"Thank you. That's r-really sweet of you."

"Do you want to go to my mom's after classes today, like last time?"

"I don't think I need to."

"Why not?"

"Well, I w-went down there because…I was more comfortable there." She squeezes my hand. "But if you're with me up here I feel really comfortable."

She used to never feel like she could fully relax in the dorms. I knew I had helped her some, but I didn't know she felt THIS comfortable. That's about as big of a compliment as she can give me. I really want to kiss her. Damn lupus.

I put her hand to my mouth and kiss it. "I'm glad I make you comfortable. I'm…gonna have a hard time going to class if you're hurting here."

She takes the cloth off her face and locks eyes with me, "You have to go." Then she puts it back down.

"That sounded an awful lot like an order."

She laughs "It kinda is. We don't know for sure if Ai will b-be there. So I'll…need your notes and stuff. I wish you could just stay here too. But you going to class makes me less stressed, so you're still helping me."

I scoff playfully, "Fine then, miss pragmatic. I'll come check on you at lunch." I stand up. "Um…is there…anywhere I can kiss you or does it all hurt?"

She giggles, "I can think of a few places that d-don't hurt."

I cross my arms. "Seriously? You're in a lupus flare and thinking about sex?"

She laughs, "A little. It's mostly a joke. There is zero way we will be d-doing any of that while I'm in a flare."

I gasp playfully, "I mean I knew this thing was debilitating, but that really puts it in perspective. I wasn't sure anything could take away your sex drive."

She laughs, "It's…only like that because I'm around you all the time and you're crazy attractive. What am I s-supposed to do?"

I laugh and blush a little, "Well, when you put it that way...Anyway, where should I kiss you?"

"The top of my head should be okay."

I bend over and kiss her on her head. Her hair smells amazing even when it's only partially washed. "I love you. I'll be back. Text me if you need anything. Get some rest."

…

When I come to check on her at lunch, she is sleeping like a baby. I leave her some melon bread and give her a little kiss on the head. It takes all my power not to just crawl into bed with her for the rest of the day, but I remind myself going to class is helping her too.

—-

I come back to the dorms after class. I told Hana at lunch I wouldn't be going to band and texted my aunt too. Going to class is one thing, but going to band when my girlfriend is feeling so bad doesn't seem right.

When I get back, she's awake in my room and laying in bed. She looks pretty cute in her pink pajamas. She brought a couple of her manga from her room into mine. She's reading one now.

She looks up from it and says, "Hey…isn't there band?"

I scoff, "There is. But with Hana here now I'm not crucial. I wanted to come back and be with you."

She puts her manga down and smiles at me, "I guess that's okay. N-not like you can…take notes for me in there."

I sit down on the bed and put my hand on the bottom part of her calf, since it's one of the few places I can touch right now. "How are you feeling?"

"Not…great. My rash and hips are really bad today. But I got some good sleep. I think a d-dose of Kayoko will help, though."

I laugh, "Do you have a prescription for that?"

She giggles, "Shut up and come here."

She rolls over and faces the wall. I climb in bed behind her and gently put one of my arms around her and rest my hand on the lower part of her ribs, another one of the few places I can touch right now. I stroke her hair with my other hand.

"This does f-feel prescription strength."

"It helps that much?"

"Well, it's not like the pain is gone…b-but it's soothing. This is gonna be the best lupus flare ever, I think."

I laugh, "That's an interesting way of putting it. But…I do hope I can help you."

"You already have. You did when we were just friends too. B-but…you know…it's even better now."

I kiss her on the back of her head.

We're quiet for a while, then I think of something I've wanted to say for a while. "A few months ago, you said you would tell me about your struggles with your health. There's still a lot that I don't know and I…want to know everything about you. You probably don't have energy for that right now. So, I'm just saying I want to hear about it when you're ready."

She slowly rolls over and faces me with a frown, "Um…I c-can tell you. I want to. It's a big downer though."

"I'm pretty sure it was when I told you about the morning my dad died, too."

She nods, "Okay. I'll t-tell you as much as I can today. I might get tired before I finish. There's…kind of a lot."

I want to squeeze her tight so badly right now.

I stroke her hair, "Are you sure? You really don't have to tell me right now, your flare just reminded me about it."

She nods, "I'm sure. I want you t-to know all of this. It's as good a time as any."

I continue stroking her hair, "Okay. Don't overdo it though. Stop when you get tired."

She laughs, "I will…I probably won't have a choice when I reach that point." She pauses for a moment. "I'll s-start by telling you how many surgeries I've had. I…g-guess that sets the stage pretty well... I had 11."

I try to stifle a gasp, but I can't.

I knew it was a lot…but I was thinking…maybe five. Five is a ton for a 17-year-old. 11 is unthinkable. I really wish I could do something more to comfort her about it. Finding out about this when I can't really hug or kiss her might have been a bad idea.

"All on your hips?"

"9 of them. A-also two kidney transplants."

I kiss her on the top of her head. "I wish I could have been there to help you…"

She laughs, "Four-year-old Kayoko taking care of me is k-kinda funny to imagine."

"Oh shush, you know what I mean."

"Anyway…I will start at the beginning. I was diagnosed with lupus when I was two. M-most people with lupus develop it in their 20s. It's always bad of course. But it's really bad when you have it so young, because there is so much more t-time for your immune system to cause d-damage to your joints and organs. It was even worse for me than most kids…because I was in a flare about 80% of the time and no medication helped. That was true from 2 until 14, when I f-finally found the medication I'm on now."

Her parents must have gone through hell. I know it was a struggle for mine…but it wasn't threatening my life. When her mom tore into me in the medical building, she mentioned being through more than I could ever imagine. She was right.

"By four, my kidneys were failing. I was on dialysis and in the hospital for a year w-waiting for a transplant." She starts crying softly. "M-m-most…of my earliest memories…are from that…time."

As I start to get choked up, I desperately feel the need to find a way to comfort her that won't hurt her. After thinking about it, I carefully put my arms around her and rest them on her upper back. She slowly scoots closer and rests her chin on my shoulder, and puts her arms around me too.

"Do you want to stop for the day? I don't want you to keep going if it's too much."

She sniffles, "N-No not yet, I want to get through the first surgery at least."

"Okay. You're comfortable with me holding you this way?"

"Y-yeah. Very. Don't stop, please."

"I would never."

"Anyway, I needed dialysis every day and it made me feel really sick. My b-blood pressure would drop, I felt nauseous, and my kidneys were in bad enough shape that they had to m-monitor me constantly. So…that's why I had to stay."

I feel a few tears run down my face. "It was like that…for a year?"

"Yeah. My parents and the nurses tried hard to make it feel…less like I was in the hospital. They p-played games with me, got me little presents, and we watched cartoons. My mom started getting me headbands. That way I had something to pick out to wear every day, other than a hospital gown."

Well, that makes her headband obsession even cuter. This is another way it's very clear how much her mother cares for her. I was so ignorant that day in the medical building. I'm lucky she forgave me.

"But…even though they tried, I r-remember being sad about it a lot of the time. I almost constantly felt sick. I felt kind of trapped…even at 4. I didn't have any friends my own age. Most of those first memories just…aren't good ones."

"See? 4-year-old Kayoko probably could have helped."

She laughs, "Yeah, I guess you could have. After that bad year…they found a kidney for me. It was my first surgery. I was r-really scared. I think in retrospect…I had my first panic attack about it."

Four-year-olds shouldn't have panic attacks.

"B-but I felt a lot better afterwards and got to go home." She sniffles for a little while and then says, "I think that's all I can t-tell today."

"Okay. I already feel so close to you…but you telling me about this is making me feel closer. I know it isn't easy. So…thank you."

She sniffles, "I'm…sorry for not t-telling you for so long."

"You don't need to be. I took a long time to tell you all the details about my dad too, and it was a much shorter story" I pause for a moment when I feel my stomach growl. "Are you hungry at all?"

"I dunno. Are you g-gonna have to stop holding me if I am?"

"Well…for a little bit."

"Then I'm n-not hungry."

I giggle, "I guess I could ask someone to bring us something."

"Yeah, do that. My prescription says I need l-lots of Kayoko."

"Okay, but I will even have to briefly let go of you to call someone."

She sighs, "Fine. I guess we need t-to eat or whatever."

I call Hana, and she brings us some food from the cafeteria. I chose her because it is the least hassle for her because she lives on the same floor, but I'm also curious about something. Apparently so is Akari because she beats me to the punch.

Hana just arrived and handed Akari a rice bowl, to which Akari responded, "Thank you. D-did you confess to Koji yet?"

Hana smirks, "Right to the point, huh?"

Akari laughs softly, "Y-yep, I only have so much energy right now. More efficient this way."

Hana sits down in the desk chair and frowns. "No…I'm scared. Starting to second guess things…maybe he likes it how it is. I'm afraid if I confess, I'll scare him away and…we won't have anything. I don't want that."

I scoff, "Oh come on. Do you really think it's possible you two could be having sex this long and spending so much time together and he wouldn't also have feelings?"

She shrugs, "Maybe. I think he has some feelings for me, but I don't know if they are enough to think about us…trying to live close together after Yamaku. So…maybe telling him will just ruin what we can have until then."

Akari scoffs now. "W-well, you're never going to find out if you keep sitting here w-worrying about it."

She nods, "That's true." She takes a deep breath and exhales. "I guess I'll tell him when he comes over later." She stands up. "Let me know if you need anything else, okay? Get well soon Akari."

…

It's 8 pm and Akari is already asleep for the night because she feels so crummy. I'm in her room doing some reading on gene editing at her desk. I'll join her before too long though.

My phone vibrates on the desk, and I see that it's Hana in the group chat with Akari.

"Hey, can I talk to you two?"

Uh oh.

"Akari is asleep, but I'm in her room, come on down."

A few minutes later, Hana knocks softly on the door, and I let her in. She looks dejected.

I frown, "Didn't go well?"

She sighs and sits down on the bed.

"It wasn't ideal…but maybe not bad either? He said he needed some space to think about it, and he left."

"I see. Well…at least it wasn't an outright 'no'."

"Yeah…but I'm worried I messed things up. Maybe I should have just kept the status quo."

"Well…let's not worry about that yet. He might say yes."

She nods, "Yeah, maybe." She sighs. "Why did the guy I just wanted to hook up with have to be so sweet and amazing in bed? He was good the first time, especially for a virgin. Made it very hard to not want to do it again. He improves every single time too. I couldn't experience all that sweet and all those orgasms without falling in love."

I know from playing chess with him that he picks things up quickly. Guess that extends to the bedroom. Good for him.

I laugh, "I didn't know about the…sex part of course…but I kind of warned you about the first part, didn't I? I told you he was a great guy when you asked about him."

She scoffs, "People say that about everyone. I didn't think much about it. I didn't know…he had such a hard life. It makes it even more amazing he turned out to be so sweet. Do you know his whole story?"

I smile at her, "I only know snippets. But I think the fact that you know bodes well for you. I'm his closest friend and he's never told me the whole story." I wink at her. "So, I think all the orgasms and sweetness you gave him had a similar effect."

She laughs, "Well…I have given him a lot of both at this point." She pauses and gets more serious, realizing how special the information he shared with her is. "I'm the only one who knows?"

I nod, "I'm pretty sure, yeah."

"He's the only one who knows all about me too."

I laugh, "I know."

She smiles bashfully, "Sorry. I'll tell you…some time."

"Yeah, when you're ready, I'd be happy to listen. It also isn't a requirement or anything for me to be your friend, though."

She nods and then stands up. "I…really need a hug."

I laugh, "Wow, you must really need comforting."

She scoffs, "I know, I'm not as touchy feely as the rest of you. But I still need a hug sometimes. And right now is one of them."

I stand up and we share a hug. She says, "Thank you. Give Akari a hug for me too."

—-

Akari's flare is still bad today. She says the fatigue is now worse than the pain. That's the one thing she said to me this morning before falling back asleep.

She is still asleep when I check on her at lunch. Luckily there's no band today, so once classes are over, I can come back to the dorms and spend the rest of the day with her.

…

She's awake when I get back, but barely.

She sleepily says, "Hey, I m-missed you."

I smile, "I missed you too. You don't need to make yourself stay awake for me though."

She wipes the sleep from her eyes and says, "I have been s-sleeping literally all day. I think I can stay awake with you for a little bit. B-besides…I have a story to tell you. Now, come hold me like you did yesterday, and we'll have story time."

I smile at her. "You're awfully bossy for a sick person."

She smiles back, "You know you like it."

I kinda do.

I get in bed, and we gently get back in the same position as yesterday. It's a nice position in general. Might have to make it a regular feature in our snuggle repertoire.

"We l-let off after getting my kidney, right?"

"Yes."

She takes a deep breath, "Well, after that th-things were a little better. I got to have a life outside of the hospital. This is when I first started French horn. But my lupus was as aggressive as ever and completely unchecked. My hips w-were starting to really hurt. My left hip especially was rapidly deteriorating. I couldn't really w-walk by the time I was 7. So…I spent a lot of time inside playing music with my dad."

I increase how tightly I'm holding her just a tiny bit.

"But they had to do something, and when m-medications weren't doing it, they had to do surgery. First, they did a small one to clean up all the inflamed and damaged tissue on my left hip. C-called a synovectomy, if you want to look it up later."

Yep, I will be.

"It…d-didn't really help. So, a few months later they tried again. By now, my right hip was in the s-same condition, so they did both. It…still didn't help."

"I can't imagine going through all the pain of surgery and not having it help…"

She laughs wryly, "It is a r-recurring theme in this story."

I kiss the top of her head.

"Basically, the goal with all of this was to avoid total joint replacement as long as possible. Artificial joints don't last that long, so giving one to a k-kid would mean I would need lots more surgery the rest of my life. So, b-because there was part of my hip that wasn't as badly damaged…they decided to…reshape my hip so when I used it, it w-would put stress on the healthier part." She starts crying softly, "Th-this is the worst p-p-part of the story..."

"Are you sure you want to keep going today?"

Her chin moves up and down on my shoulder.

"It is called an osteotomy. B-basically, they cut y-your bone and put it back together, so it works d-differently."

I have a hard time not grimacing just from the description. And painful things happen to my bones all the time.

"Every other s-surgery I ever had, I woke up and felt okay, other than k-kind of loopy." Her fingers tighten their hold on my back. "I w-woke up screaming and writhing in pain from this one. I…I d-don't even know how to d-describe the pain." She's gritting her teeth and tightening her hold on my back now. It's like she is reliving some small percentage of the pain. "100 times worse than what I'm feeling now doesn't seem high enough. I was screaming so loud that they could hear me throughout the hospital apparently." She starts crying harder. "I-it's the only time in my life I saw my mother cry…and the only t-time I remember her holding me to try to comfort me."

My God. It even made that woman break down. I'm a crybaby. So, what would seeing Akari like that do to me? Would I even survive?

I quietly say, "Wh-what did they do?"

"S-s-something called a n-nerve block. They restrained me and stuck a g-giant needle in the nerve that was p-producing the pain." She pauses to sniffle. "It was r-r-really scary and painful…but it worked in the end."

I join Akari now with tears of my own. "This m-m-must have all been so hard…you were a little girl…I…I don't know how you endured this…and the story isn't even over…"

We continue crying softly and holding each other until there's a knock at the door.

"It's Ai, I brought you two some food."

I look at the time. Somehow, we've been talking and crying for four hours, and the cafeteria is closed now. Thank goodness for Ai.

"Coming, just a second."

We both wipe our tears and blow our nose with tissues.

I get up and open the door, Ai winks suggestively and says, "You sure took a while, isn't Akari too sick fo-" then she looks up at me and gets very worried. "What's wrong?"

I guess my efforts to look like I wasn't crying were for naught.

"Um…nothing wrong right now, Akari was telling me about some hard stuff she went through. We were crying…retroactively I guess."

Ai comes through the door and smiles at Akari. "Well…I'm sorry you went through it, but glad it isn't happening now."

Akari nods, "Me too. Thanks for bringing food…we l-lost track of time and didn't even ask you."

Ai smiles and reaches into the bag that hangs on the side of her wheelchair. She pulls out two noodle bowls and hands one to each of us.

"You didn't ask, but I knew you weren't there, and Hana said you hadn't asked her, so I figured you two fell asleep or something and would need it."

"Any news about Hana and Koji?"

Ai frowns and shakes her head, "He's still thinking, apparently. He wasn't at dinner."

I sigh, "I get thinking, but I'm sure Hana is on edge."

"Yeah, she is. Koji is really starting to piss me off. Makes me want to do violent things."

I laugh, "What a surprise."

"H-how are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Stuff is…still a struggle. But I'm making it to most classes now. It just takes a ton of effort."

I nod, "It's impressive you have managed to do it."

She shrugs and then sighs, "I guess so. Hard not to feel pathetic when it's this hard to do something so mundane. But…everyone tells me it isn't, so I'm trying not to think about it that way."

"I-it is hard right now, though…I f-feel pathetic when I have a panic attack from doing something anyone else would consider mundane."

Ai nods, "Yeah. And see, I don't think you should feel that way…so it makes sense you all say that to me. Anyway, I'm gonna go do some homework before Carsten time. Let me know if you need anything."

After she leaves and we eat I ask Akari, "I know you're probably too tired for too much more. But I have to know. Did that osteotomy help at all?"

She frowns, "A little but I still needed a total joint replacement three years later. Hard to s-say if it was worth it."

I frown and shake my head.

"I had a lot of pain as a kid, of course. But…no surgeries so far…and nothing as scary as my organs or having entire joints destroyed. I don't know how you're still standing. I'm glad I know there is a happy ending."

She slowly stands up and then hugs me, "Yep. Very happy." She giggles. "I even got the girl."

—-

I just woke up next to my beautiful girlfriend who I've recently learned might just be the toughest person on the planet, too.

It's the third day of Akari's flare, but at least it's the weekend now. I can just stay with her and take care of her. We'll probably get to the end of her story today too. She said the osteotomy was the worst part, so at least there's that. But there are still a few more surgeries. I can't imagine they were fun.

I get up and go to the cafeteria to get us some melon bread for breakfast. We both love this stuff so much. We already sort of live together, but when we really live together and have to get groceries and everything, there might be some fights over who gets the last of it.

When I get back, Akari starts stirring. She opens one eye and says, "Melon bread?"

I laugh, "Good morning to you too." I walk over and kiss her on her head. "Yes, I got you some."

She moves to the desk and unwraps it and digs into it.

"You know one of the sexiest things about you?"

With her mouthful of melon bread she says, "What?"

"Even when you don't feel well, you make sure not to get crumbs in the bed."

She swallows, "Crumbs in the b-bed are the worst."

I laugh, "See? Super sexy."

She rolls her eyes at me and goes back to eating.

I'm kind of serious, but oh well.

Once she's done, I ask, "How are you feeling?"

"A little better, I think."

"That's good. Anything you want to do today?"

"I should probably drag myself outside. I still can't do m-much, but we could sit on a bench or something."

I smile at her. "Sounds good to me."

She stands up from the desk and stretches a little, "Guess I should change out of my p-pajamas."

I laugh, "If you want. Do you need any help?"

She raises an eyebrow at me and smiles, "Are you just t-trying to see me naked?"

I laugh and very obviously check her out. "Maybe a little. I do enjoy seeing that. But if it's less painful or easier, I would be happy to help. You've done it for me."

"Yeah. Okay…truthfully putting underwear on is pretty bad." She winks at me. "I'm not just saying that. You'd be surprised how much you use your hips for that."

I giggle, "I believe you."

We go across the hall to her room, and she takes off her pajamas.

She smirks and says, "Well? Here's what you wanted."

She twirls, but slowly and stiffly thanks to her pain. She looks amazing, but I do take special notice of all the scars on her hips and lower abdomen. I know the stories behind so many of them now.

"You look as amazing as I remembered."

She giggles and blushes. "You were the first p-person…other than my parents, to call me pretty."

It was early in our friendship, but I did think she was pretty the day I met her. I wonder sometimes whether I've always been attracted to her, but somehow didn't understand what I was feeling.

I walk up to her and gently hug her. Enjoying the feeling of her bare skin.

"You are pretty. Beautiful even. Outside and in."

She hugs me back, "Th-thank you. You always make me feel that way because of how you look at me."

I smile, "Good. You make me feel the same." I sigh happily. "I love you so much."

"I love you too. I r-really wish I could kiss you and…a whole lot more right now."

I pull back and laugh, "Me too. But we have plenty of time for that once you feel better."

I help her get dressed and then we head outside and sit on a bench with a nice view of campus. It's starting to get a little chilly outside but I came prepared. I brought a little blanket that I spread over our legs. She's leaning into my shoulder and has her arm wrapped around mine.

"This is r-really cozy. I might fall asleep."

"Well, you can probably doze. I'll make sure you don't for too long."

She nods and snuggles into me a little more. Sure enough, she falls asleep within minutes. I take the time to think about us.

I'm glad we've already told each other we want to be together forever. It really is how I feel. I feel surer about it every day. I know I'm young, I guess maybe feelings can change…but I just don't see how. This feels…like a permanent state of being.

I think about what Hana said about Koji. That he was too sweet and too good in bed not to fall in love with. I kind of know what she means. I loved Akari before I ever slept with her, of course. But...that physical intimacy has certainly deepened my feelings for her.

And now…she's telling me everything about her life with lupus…something that must be exceedingly difficult for her. We've always been emotionally intimate…but her telling me all of this has brought that to another level.

At this point, I can't imagine my life or future without her. And I don't think I have to.

I smile down at her adorable sleeping face. It's too bad I'm going to have to wake her up. We need to get her in bed, though.

I kiss her on the head and gently pat her shoulder, "Akari…"

"Hmn…?"

God, she's cute.

"Let's go get you in a cozy bed, okay?"

She stirs a little and then nods. We head back to the dorms and get into her bed together. We snuggle in our newly discovered position and take a nap together.

—-

I wake up from our nap first. I consider getting up to study but decide against it. I'm enjoying just having a whole day that's about Akari. I get a funny idea of how to spend my time until she wakes up.

I get up and look at her manga shelf. I guess I'll start with volume one of…one of these. The most well-worn is probably a good choice. I get back in bed with a romance manga called Bloom into You. It's only once I'm there that I notice the cover has two girls on it. I smile. She mentioned when I confessed to her that sometimes she was attracted to girls in manga. I guess it makes sense she reads some about relationships between two girls.

I open it and start reading. It's about two friends at a typical Japanese high school who struggle with how they feel about boys who confessed to them, only to realize they love one another. When I'm almost done with the first volume, I hear Akari sleepily say with some surprise in her voice, "What are you doing?"

I laugh, "I thought I would try reading one of your manga. It's really good. Very cute."

She smiles, "That one is my favorite. I have probably r-read it 20 times."

"I can see why." I flip back to the cover and smirk at her. "Do you have a crush on either of them?"

She blushes, "Y-yeah. When I got that manga, it was just because I saw online that it was good, and I was looking for more romance. I had never read one with two girls, and I was curious if I would like it as much. Then…it really sucked me in and I might be attracted to girls for the first time. Touko was the first manga girl I ever had a crush on."

I smile and point to her on the cover, "She's the taller one…with long dark hair?"

She blushes deeper and puts her hands over her eyes, "Y-yes. Oh God, I seriously didn't realize this until just now."

I flip my hair to emphasize it and say, "So you went out and got yourself a real life Touko, huh?"

She giggles and puts her arms around my waist, "Shut up. You're way better than her." She pauses for a moment. "It is…really cool that you're reading that. I didn't think I'd ever get you reading manga."

"Well…I realized it was another for me to get to know you even better. Now I know just how important this one is to you. And I did get absorbed in it quickly. So, I'll be borrowing them."

Akari giggles, "Does this m-mean I have to read dusty old science books?"

I laugh, "If you want to. I won't make you though."

She breathes an exaggerated sigh of relief.

"Well…shall w-we conclude the story?"

"I'd like that."

I roll on my side and hold her like I have the other times, with her chin resting on my shoulder.

"So…I got that osteotomy, but then n-needed total joint replacement on my left hip when I w-was 10. Um…they'll probably have to go back in and replace it every 20 years or so my whole life. So…I'm still not done with surgeries. But..that one isn't too bad."

"That's good. I may need joint replacements at some time too."

She giggles, "R-romantic. We can go in for them at the same time."

I laugh, "What a nice date that would be. Both wearing hospital gowns, eating food off a tray together. Hey, maybe they will hook us up to the same IV."

Akari laughs and surprises me by plating a kiss on my lips, only to yelp and recoil in pain from our faces touching.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…bad idea. Was a r-reflex. Don't be so funny and cute."

I laugh, "Sorry. I'll try my best."

She laughs and then continues her story. "S-so after that, my other hip started to d-deteriorate. They did another couple of synovectomies that bought some time. Those were at least more effective on my right hip. But after a while they w-wanted to do an osteotomy again."

"Hell no."

Akari giggles, "You know this already happened, r-right?"

I laugh, "Yes, but after hearing about the first one…that just came out."

"Well, you'll b-be happy to hear that my mom lost it on them when they suggested it. Told them how horrible the first one was, and that n-nothing would be worth causing me that kind of pain ever again." She chuckles, "She was quite convincing. So, they skipped it and went with joint r-replacement instead. I got that one at 11."

Oh. My. God. To be a fly on that wall. I am imagining sobbing doctors and nurses stumbling out of her hospital room after receiving a verbal beating from a tiny English professor.

She sighs, "Th-then…that first kidney I got started to have problems. I w-was back on dialysis at 13, and back in the hospital for most of a year before I got a new one." She laughs. "That's when I got really into manga. Including the one you're reading now. It did make this time a lot better than the first time." Her tone gets more serious. "After I got my kidney, my parents got desperate. If my lupus kept up like this my whole life…m-most of my joints would be destroyed, so would m-more of my organs…even my heart and brain…it w-wasn't good. I p-probably would die in my 30s after living a life of pain and medical procedures."

I feel a few tears run down my face and slightly tighten my hold on her. I didn't know it was ever this bad. "I c-can't imagine how scared you all were…"

"Yeah…it wasn't good. B-but my mom kept saying she wouldn't let it happen. She would find a way. And…I always believed her."

I smile, "If anyone could do it, it's her."

"Yep, and she did. She called doctors all over the w-world who were doing clinical trials for new medication. She got m-me into one here in Japan when I was 14, and…it w-worked. My lupus went into remission. It was l-like a miracle." She cries softly. "It w-was the best day of my life, other than when y-you confessed."

I click my tongue at her, "I'm not going to be offended if the day your lupus went into remission is happier than the day I confessed to you."

"W-well…I'm not trying to keep from offending you. I'm being honest. When you confessed is n-number one."

I start crying, of course. "It…w-w-as my happiest day too…Wh-when you accepted. I love you so m-much. I want to be yours…f-f-forever…"

She hugs me tighter, "That's what I w-want too. You're everything to me, Kayoko."

She just shared the hardest part of her life with me. I thought I was deeply connected to her before, but this deepens things even further. Our connection feels unbreakable.