"Anyways, that's the gist of it."

Sirius would have never claimed that he was the most composed man out there, no, he was visceral, reactive, volatile, he always had something to say about any situation he was in. Always.

Until that day.

His brain struggled to work at a normal pace, the whole conversation fluttering around his mind, preventing him to focus on any particular bit of it.

He sat there, blabbering and muttering for a while, it felt like hours until he could formulate a coherent sentence.

"Is this real?" he whispered.

"Yup, can show you too, if you want."

"B-but… how, why?!"

"Well… the how I already explained…"

"Time travel…" he nodded once "it doesn't feel real."

"As far as I know, it shouldn't be and yet here I am."

He decided to ignore how flimsy an explanation that was.

"Why then?"

"As for that, Padfoot, I came here because of what I lost… I… I'm in love with your niece…"

"Niece… Andi's daughter?! Little Dora?"

"The very same."

"You know she's only" he started mentally counting; math was never his forte "thirteen right now, right?"

"I'm sure you realize that, in my present state, that's not really an issue…"

"But you are older, are you not?"

"Kind of… I'm not really sure how this whole thing works to be honest…"

Sirius sighed; he certainly wasn't expecting to have such a conversation when he woke up.

"She has a mother and a father, it's not like my opinion matters much, not with my circumstances. If you have to convince someone it's them…"

"There's more…"

He huffed "I bet there's more, I know you are keeping stuff to yourself and I-"

"No, Sirius. There's more."

"… You mean… More than one?"

"Yeah, that's the whole reason I'm here, actually… I needed to speak to you…"

"It's one of my cousins, innit"

"Well… not exactly… "

"…"

"…"

"… Please tell me it's not two of them." Sirius couldn't decide if he was amused or horrified by the conversation.

"It's not two of them."

"Thank Merlin, for a moment there-"

"It's all of them."

Sirius gulped "…All-"

"All three of your cousins… plus Dora… " Sirius reacted the only way he could according to the situation.

He fainted.

80%/%08

Sirius Black awoke from one of the strangest dreams he'd ever had.

"I'm never drinking from that puddle ever again!" He ruefully stated whilst shaking his head from the cobwebs that were plaguing it.

After a while he sat in a dejected manner, his eyes firmly on his hands, as if they held all the answers he needed.

"As if Harry would ever come to this Merlin-forsaken place to visit me… And for such a reason." The chuckle that followed was positively miserable.

Just then a thought entered his head.

"What the hell am I going to tell him when I finally see him?"

"Your blessings would be appreciated, for one…" a young voice said.

"As if… The day Harry James Potter comes to Azkaban to seek my approval to pursue all the remaining females of my family is the day I escape this wretched prison!"

"I would hope so… Would be hard for you to claim your Head of House status from behind bars… Not to mention that I also need to break out Bella from here…" the other voice stated.

It's worth mentioning that, once his mother was officially declared death, a vindictive Auror promptly informed him of the fact, no doubt thinking that their relationship was WAY better than it actually was.

He left the prison a disappointed man.

Sirius snorted "Please, there's a reason why Azkaban has the reputation it has, nothing comes out, nothing comes…" By that point Sirius was keyed into the weirdness of the situation. Regardless of the famous Black Madness that has been plaguing his family for good part of a millennium, he'd never, EVER, talked to or heard voices inside his head other than his own.

With eyes as big as dinner plates he turned his head and emitted a totally-not-girly screech.

There he was, in all his prepubescent glory, on one of the harshest places known to man, seemingly unaffected by the depressing atmosphere of the dready prison, the son of his best friend and secret crush.

One six-years-old Harry Potter.

"Wha… Who… How?!" he pointed an accusing finger at the boy who couldn't possibly be really there.

Harry rolled his eyes at his hysteric godfather.

"We've already covered that. Now, I'd love to sit here and talk to you for a while longer but I'm afraid I have a schedule I want to stick to so" he clapped his hands, the flimsy wall separating Sirius and Bellatrix banishing in an instant "heard everything, Bella?"

Sirius almost broke his own neck by how fast he turned around to see his not-deranged cousin.

Certainly the past 5 years in prison hadn't done her any favors. Her eyes were somewhat sunken, her skin was way more paler than it would've been otherwise, her hair looked sickly, thin and uncared-for. She was wearing worse rags than even himself! What little she had on barely covered the essentials, showing her state of malnutrition.

And yet she seemed to be more lucid than even him!

With a toothy smile (and how the hell were her teeth still perfectly white!?) she answered his godson's inquiry.

"Of course I did, why I was starting to get bored with my cell… There's only so many times you can count the stones before it becomes tedious…."

"Wha… How… Why?!" Sirius accusing finger was now on Bellatrix.

"How am I not a psychotic bitch hell-bent on causing chaos and mayhem? Why am I so… normal?" Bellatrix helpfully put out there.

"W… YES?" The poor man was nearing his breaking point.

"Hafta thank mini-hunk over there" she pointed at the innocent-looking kid on the (now) shared cell "Once he got rid of ol' Ruddy his hold over me disappeared… It's the first time in years that I've been allowed to think clearly…"

Well, that did explain the sudden change in attitude from the brightly-eyed Bella he knew before the whole Death Eating business.

"Wait… What do you mean he got rid of Rodolphus?!"

"Haven´t you noticed yet, cousin? We are the last two inmates alive in the whole ward!" That she managed to say that without cackling like a madwoman was a testament of her 'sanity'.

Although she did giggle like a schoolgirl… Lose some, win some, right?

Sirius was debating if he should be feeling more disturbed by the fact that his not-really-6-years-old godson had apparently killed every other inmate in the vicinity or by his cousin´s not-maniacal glee. Either way, it was safe to say he was disturbed.

"You killed them?" he asked softly.

"Well… yeah? I´m totally pants at memory-charms, I can´t wipe just a few minutes of a day, or even a day, should I use them, they would've a decade of memories at the least… I think it's safe to say that them being dead was a much better option…."

The nonchalance with which he said it raised an untold number of warning flags in Sirius´s mind.

A quick glance at Bellatrix and he was flummoxed at the look of… pride? She was shooting at his godson.

What the fuckity-fuck?

"And, it's easier this way, we can easily feign your deaths and none would be the wiser… Would be hard to get someone to exonerate you both afterwards, though… And people would definitely think that Sirius was, indeed, Tommy's right hand man…." Harry continued thinking out loud, completely ignoring his distressed godfather.

"Tommy?" Bella asked curiously, tilting her head in a way Sirius was sure she had never done before.

"Oh, right, you don't know!" Harry was snapped out of his thoughts, with ease he waved his hand, conjuring fiery letters in the air that spelled a name.

Tom Marvolo Riddle

Another wave and the letters rearranged themselves.

I Am Lord Voldemort

He carried on with the explanation once he saw he got their attention.

"Son of an almost-squib and a muggle, raised on a muggle orphanage before being picked up for Hogwarts, afraid of his own death beyond all other things and extremely angry at both muggle and wizarding worlds… Fortunately for us, he's also a bigger fool than you'd believe, the method he used to insure his continued existence is a heavily flawed one, one no one with the slightest knowledge of soul magics would dare use" at this his carefree expression turned decidedly feral "and it will prove to be his and all of his marked follower's undoing." He snarled before turning to Bella with a reassuring smile. "Of course we'll get rid of that ugly mark of his on you before I do it, luv."

How the hell was a 6 years old flirting with his OLDER cousin and succeeding?!

"Anyways, it's time for us to leave." That said, he took a couple of pebbles form the pouch he was carrying, setting them on the floor and waving his hand over them. In a slow fashion the pebbles turned into two bodies, two bodies that all three of them could easily recognize.

"Harry."

"Huh?"

"Is that Peter?"

"Was, yup."

"Oh. Ok."

"Love?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"You also got Severus?"

"Just for you, love."

"You are the best!" And he got a big lusty if-somewhat-sloppy kiss as a reward.

"I knew you'd love to see him dead, dear." He managed when they separated to breathe.

One of the tasks that earned Severus his Dark Mark was a potion keyed to Rodolphus and Tommy that effectively bound Bellatrix to their orders. It was quite frankly an amazing piece of potioneering, if not extremely immoral.

Seeing the one that made it possible for her to turn into a deranged slave dead was one of the best gifts anyone had ever given her.

Sirius was currently considering if he needed his eyes anymore. Ripping them out of their sockets seemed like the adequate response to watching his cousin kiss his godson. Maybe followed by a healthy dose of Obliviates and a good ol' Crucio Therapy™ for good measure.

He wasn't able to decide at the end, however, because Harry just obliterated the walls that pointed outwards and, without batting an eye jumped to the abyss.

Still in shock, he barely had any reaction when a massive reptilian head peeked from the outside.

"Of course he's an animagus… A dragon animagus at that." What else? Merlin Incarnate? Master of Death? HEIR OF SLYTHERIN?!"

He didn't miss the mischievous look his now draconic godson threw him during his rant.

"Apparently this is my life now…" Sirius resigned to his fate and jumped to the back of the jet-black dragon, hoping he had interpreted correctly what he wanted them to do.

Bellatrix followed without much fuzz, judging by her face she was enjoying the whole situation a bit too much.

Once seated on the somewhat uncomfortable scaly back of the dragon, they noticed they were firmly stuck to it, as if under the effects of a Sticking Charm (which may be closer to the truth than they thought).

Harry, once reassured that his passengers were not going to fall off, flew some distance away from the prison before turning around to face it directly. His intentions made clear when he spat an apocalyptic amount of (paradoxical) white flames directly into Sirius' previous cell.

Even at that distance, both passengers watched in awe as they saw the flames char and consume every single cell in the maximum security ward.

No doubt there would only be badly burnt bodies at best left behind.

"Well, that explains why the body weren't transfigured…" Was the only thing Bellatrix could say.

And with that an innocent not-quite convict, an unwilling psychopath and a fully-functional six-years-old sociopath made their way towards freedom.

Even Death would pity the ones that stood in their way.

No one would know who hit them until it was too late.

AN: A tiny little plotbunny that invaded my mind a while ago and wouldn't let go no matter what.

Answering the age-old question: Can we have a HarryxBlackfamily fanfic? The answer is yes.

Or at least a chapter of it.

Yes. Harry is (currently) in an underage body. No, he's not a child.

Would the Black sisters be morally wrong if they decide to hook up with him? Maybe... (?) He certainly does not behave like a 6 years old would... nor will he try and act that way, he doesn't give enough of a damn to do it.

How will he meet with Narcissa and Andromeda? Who knows? Comment all your absurd theories and maybe one of them will end up being used!

(Seriously, this story in particular is killing me, thus why it's relegated to the one-shot repository. Please, help.)