XXV. After All This, Hell Should be Easy

My fingers curled tightly around the bedsheets, and I hunched forward, sweat beading on my forehead, the tendons in my body taut like coiled springs. But in the midst of my strain, my shield gradually amplified into an invisible dome around me, until it encompassed the mattress, and then the bed frame.

I held it for one second, two―

Snap!

"Shit," I hissed, collapsing back and clutching my head. The backlash had been sharp and a headache had instantly set it in, a blunted dagger digging into my skull.

"…Isabella?"

I pushed myself up with one arm and squinted at the tall figure peeking into the darkened room, a shadow backed by a long shaft of light.

"Hey, Edward," I said weakly, my other hand still clutching my head. "Come in."

The door shut behind him with a quiet click, darkness engulfing us once more. In the next second, he sat beside me, gently threading cool fingers through my hair and pressing them against my pounding head.

"Is that better?" he murmured.

He didn't ask why I wasn't resting. Didn't ask why the glass of water and sleeping medication lay abandoned on the nightstand.

"Yes," I heaved a small sigh of relief as his frigid temperature reduced the pulsing of my headache.

He readjusted his hands, so that his cold palms rested flatly on each side of my skull. "If I may ask, what exactly have you been up to?"

"I…didn't want to go back to sleep," I admitted. "I was working on controlling my shield."

"…I see. Have you made any progress?"

"I have." I was surprised to find I wasn't as excited as I should've been. Mostly, I was exhausted. My eyes burned with the need to shut them close, and my limbs felt heavy with the weight of my fatigue. "How is Rosalie?"

"At the moment? I couldn't say. She and Emmett departed a while ago." He paused, and then said, "I must confess, I haven't seen her this torn up since before Emmett entered her life. What did you…?"

"I don't know. I guess…I noticed her complacency," I admitted. "There's no way for her to become human. So she's comfortable carrying out the human charade, all the while clinging to a fantasy that was never truly within her grasp. I pointed out her offense is nothing based on reality, but…" I shrugged and met his bright eyes for the first time. "Maybe it's easier to allow those ugly wounds to fester rather than to confront them. Or maybe…clinging to her dreams is all she is capable of."

"I don't believe that." Edward disentangled his fingers from my hair, gently tucking the strands behind my ear. "Rosalie was hurt in the most gruesome way possible, and yet, despite the loss of her humanity and every dream congruent to that, she took everything Carlisle offered her to create a worthwhile existence. She has an unyielding tenacity. I'm inclined to agree with your first assessment…some wounds are too grim, even for the strongest of us."

I cast my gaze down. "I'm sorry."

Edward pressed his cool lips against my hairline, just above where my baby hairs curled beside my ear. "Don't be," he whispered. "Rosalie doesn't have to choose to change. You've merely presented her with the opportunity."

I leaned against him, accepting his words without protest. "Okay."

He held me for a long while after, and though it was easier to believe him―to believe that Rosalie's choices were not mine to bear―I couldn't help but feel responsible. Rosalie had walked through this existence with a chip on her shoulder, and in many ways, she was justified. Who was I to call her out and remind her of her woundedness? I could barely function myself. I had no room to talk.

I could only hope I hadn't made a mistake.

"Will you get some rest now? It's nearly five in the morning."

I blinked my eyes open slowly, and realized I was already falling asleep.

"Right. Pass me my medication?"

Less than a minute after Edward had helped me take my medicine, I collapsed into a much more peaceful slumber.

"Isabella, hold still! I'm almost done!" Alice scolded me.

I grinned. "Sorry, sorry. You're being a little rough with that brush, though."

"I'll try to be more gentle," she rolled her eyes.

Despite her exasperation, Alice did sweep the brush across my eyelids a lot more softly. I held as still as possible, even when the bristles tickled my face.

I felt bad that the sleepover had ended the way it had. Although my conversation with Rosalie had been inevitable, falling asleep without taking my medication had been my own fault, and as a result, my panic attack had set the tone for the remainder of the night.

But when Alice reminded me that she wanted to dress me up for tonight's double date, I figured it was the least I could do. It had certainly brightened up her day.

At last, Alice set her last brush down and trilled, "Perfect! Take a look!"

My eyes fluttered open, and it took me a second to register the face in the handheld mirror as my reflection. Rosy cheeks, doe eyes emphasized by shadows blended into the creases of her eyes, mascara lengthening her lashes, and petal pink lips―all combined to make a rather pretty face.

I dropped my eyes from the mirror and turned to Alice. "Thank you."

Alice's enthusiasm abruptly withered and died. "Isabella…why don't you like your face? It's lovely."

I offered her a weak smile. "It's not that. It's just…not the face I'm accustomed to."

Her brow puckered into a confused frown. "I don't understand."

I shrugged, helpless.

When I didn't offer anything more, Alice clasped her hands around mine and tugged me to my feet. "Alright, all that's left is for you to get dressed! I've got a cute outfit set aside for you. If you can't appreciate your features, you can at least appreciate my style!"

She disappeared in a blur, returning less than a second later, a set of clothes and shoes in her arms. Carefully, she arranged them on the long marble counter. "Go ahead. Edward will be waiting downstairs."

I flashed her a grin. "Thanks again, Alice!"

"No, Isabella. Thank you," she shot me a wink, kissed my cheek, and skipped away, shutting her bathroom door with a silent click.

I unfolded the clothes, careful to keep my eyes locked on the fabric, lest I accidentally meet the eyes of the stranger reflected in the large mirror above the counter. Like most of the Cullens' style, the clothes were in neutral colors, simple, but of high quality―a soft, cashmere sweater, white bootcut jeans, thin-heeled boots, and a warm brown peacoat. Despite its appeal, I had to hold back a laugh. Weeks later, and 2000s fashion was still a sore sight.

I quickly dressed, careful not to disturb the neat, curly ponytail Alice had styled my hair into. And once I was confident I remembered how to walk in heels, I clicked-clacked my way out of Alice's room, through the hall, and down the spiraling staircase.

And at the base was Edward. "Hey!" I grinned. "Ready to go?"

"Of course," Edward turned and smiled, taking my hand.

Esme stepped into view from behind Edward, a camera in her hands. "Isabella, you look radiant," she beamed. "Edward, won't you compliment her?"

Edward shook his head, eyes piercing my own. "No, mom. Isabella doesn't appreciate compliments regarding her exterior."

Esme's befuddled expression was soon replaced by an indulgent smile. "Very well. But I hope you won't mind posing for a picture or two?"

When Edward didn't answer, I realized he was waiting for my initiative. "Anything for you, Esme."

"Thank you, dear," Esme smiled, and then directed us to stand on one side of the staircase. She clicked through a couple different shots before setting the camera down and pulling me into a brief embrace. "Have fun you two," she said, pecking Edward on the cheek, before waving us out the door.

"Thanks, Esme!" I called as Edward lead me down the porch steps. As we crossed the lawn towards his car, I turned to him, "What's the evening look like for tonight?"

Edward grinned. "You want to cheat?"

"It's not just us―Angie and Ben will be there too. I'd rather be prepared, especially for anything concerning your secret."

"I suppose you have a point," Edward conceded as he helped me into the passenger seat of the car. He disappeared and reappeared beside me in the driver's side. "If you could eat some of my food during dinner, I would be in your debt."

I laughed. "I guess I could take on a few extra calories for you. But if I get fat, don't wonder why."

Edward rolled his eyes and reversed out of the driveway. "Don't be absurd."

"I'll be as absurd as I want."

He chuckled, but beyond that, didn't react to my taunting.

We settled into a comfortable silence while we drove to Angela's. The conversations from the previous night already felt like a far off dream. And though I couldn't help but wonder about Rosalie, I was all too relieved to shelf those thoughts for a later time. I was tired of being sad.

Angela was already standing in her driveway when we pulled up.

"Hey Angie!" I twisted in my seat to grin at her while she settled in the backseat behind Edward. "Nervous?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," she laughed breathlessly as she buckled herself in. "Hi, Edward. Thank you for offering to drive."

"Hello, Angela," Edward flashed her a charming grin over his shoulder before merging back onto the road. "Don't mention it. I'm more than happy to drive."

I rolled my eyes and whispered over my shoulder, "Trust me, Angie, it's more for his benefit. He gets all pouty when he can't drive."

Angela released a startled laugh and Edward huffed, "And Isabella gets all pouty when she has to drive."

I nodded. "He's right."

"You two are funny," Angela grinned, "But it is a long drive. At least allow me to pitch in for gas."

"That's unnecessary."

Edward said this at the same time I said, "No can do, Ange. Edward's footing the bill on this one."

"Isabella," Angela sighed with exasperation.

I grinned. "I'm kidding," I winked. "Dr. Cullen is actually the one footing the bill. God knows Edward doesn't have a job."

Angela was scandalized. "Isabella!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "It's alright, Angela. Isabella thinks she's clever."

"Well I can't make any jokes at Angela's expense. She's too pure," I shrugged.

"How about not making jokes at anyone's expense," Angie suggested.

"That's no fun," I pouted. "But for your sake, I'll try to be nice."

"Oh, please do," Angela muttered, eyes glued to the window as we pulled up to Ben's house.

"Here he comes," I grinned, watching Ben as slowly jogged across the driveway, before sliding into the seat directly behind me.

"Hey guys," Ben greeted us cheerfully, and then turned a little more shyly towards Angela, "Hi Ange."

"Hi Ben," she said, just as shyly.

Oh my gosh, they are precious! Edward and I locked eyes, and for a moment, it was as though our thoughts had synced.

Before the silence could become awkward, I piped up, "So do we know where we're eating?"

Fortunately, that got the conversation rolling as we started the drive. We discussed the few restaurants in Port Angeles, before we settled on the small Italian place I had eaten at the last time I'd driven out there with Jessica. It was mostly due to my own insistence. I figured soup would be easier for Edward to pretend to eat than pizza or burgers.

And after we settled on watching a movie afterwards, Angela pulled a folded sheet of paper from her purse. "Jess printed out the showtimes using her printer," she said, unfolding it across her lap. I turned back again and listened as she listed out the movies playing tonight, along with a brief synopsis for each, starting with the chick flicks Jessica had highlighted on her behalf.

Ben's eyes remained glued to her, attention fully captured by her soft voice.

I, on the other hand, nearly snorted when Angela made a passing mention of the one vampire film currently in theaters. Edward shot me a deadpan look.

"―oh, and Jess mentioned you wanted to watch Constantine, Isabella?" Angela glanced up and met my eyes.

Besider her, Ben perked up. "Yeah, didn't that just come out yesterday?"

"It did," I grinned. "It's a horror-fantasy film based on the Hellblazer comics, so I'm not sure it'd be your cup of tea, Angie."

She shot Ben a discreet glance, before meeting my eyes once more. "I'd be willing to try something new. What do you think, Edward?"

Edward smirked. "I would've taken Isabella to watch it regardless. I won't squander the opportunity."

I beamed. "Then it's settled."

"―and of course, because I can never quite pin down what Isabella will do at any given moment, I realized too late that she would be capable of actually launching herself at the man," Edward heaved a wary sigh. Across the table from us, Ben snickered and Angela, who had already heard the accurate version of the story from me, merely shook her head in defeat.

"In my defense, I wanted my money back," I shrugged unrepentantly while munching on my breadstick. I swallowed and added, "How was I supposed to know the thief wouldn't swim away with my purse?"

"Perhaps because it's the middle of winter and the water is ice cold?" Edward suggested, pushing his drink towards me when he realized I'd already emptied mine.

"What can I say? I panicked," I laughed.

"How on earth did you not take a dive if you were already near the end of the pier?" Ben wondered, snatching another breadstick.

"Oh, I did," I assured him and jabbed a thumb towards Edward, "Fortunately for me, this guy caught me. The other guy wasn't so lucky."

"You know, I heard a bunch of different versions of this story," Ben admitted, "But none of them fully live up to the original."

"They don't," Angela agreed, exchanging a smile with Ben. "Which makes me relieved that Edward is around. I've noticed Isabella has a penchant for getting caught up in trouble."

"Angie, please don't call me out like that," I sniffed.

Edward chuckled beside me. "Someone should."

"Hush, babe. That food has arrived!"

Edward rolled his eyes, but chose not to argue. Meanwhile, I scooted back as the server placed a steaming plate of chicken and shrimp carbonara before me, and a warm bowl of chicken and gnocchi soup in front of Edward. Per Angela's request, we spoke a brief prayer over our food, before we dug in―with the exception of Edward, who pretended to sip at his soup.

"Hey Angie," I piped up, setting my fork down, "Do you mind asking the hostess for the time? I left my cellphone in the car." The brilliance of this era was that not everyone carried cellphones so casually, and from what I could see, neither Angela nor Ben wore a watch.

Helpful as always, Angela agreed with a smile, "Of course, Isabella."

As soon as she'd gotten up and stepped away, I turned to Ben, "You should go with her, Ben."

"I should?" he blinked, appearing a little baffled by my suggestion. When I didn't budge, he stood to his feet. "Sure I guess."

As soon as his back was to the table, I turned to Edward and whispered, "Quick, pour it into the cup."

Edward didn't need to be told twice. Swiftly, he snatched my tall empty glass and poured nearly half his soup into it. "Eh, good enough," I shrugged, before carefully balancing the full glass between my hands and hurrying to the bathroom, where I dumped it down the sink.

I had barely stepped back out, when I nearly ran into someone. "Angela!" I squeaked, hiding the cup behind my back. "Are you alright?"

Angie fiddled with a strand of light brown hair, curled into a perfect ringlet. "Yes? I'm not sure. Do you think the date is going okay?"

My expression instantly softened. "Of course! Ange, he adores you!" I assured her, hooking my free arm through hers and steering her in the direction of the tables. "I'm sure by the end of the night you two will be comfortable enough to do this solo!"

Angela smiled, relieved, "You really think so?"

"I know so," I replied distractedly, as I casually abandoned the glass at an empty table without pausing in my step. "You two are perfect together."

"Thank you, Isabella," she grinned. "By the way, it's only 5:30. We have plenty of time before the movie starts!"

"Huh?"

"You wanted to know the time?" she reminded me. "I thought because you didn't want to be late for the showing?"

"Oh, right! You're right, Angie," I hurried to agree. "That's a relief to hear!"

Angela shook her head with fond exasperation. "Of course it is."

Perhaps I should've remembered exactly what Constantine was about, before insisting we watch it. In the midst of my nostalgia for the movie, I'd forgotten John was a character damned to hell, trying to buy his way into heaven. That premise was a bit too familiar for comfort.

And I myself regretted choosing to rewatch it near the end, when the character Angela was possessed. Watching the demon press and push up against her stomach had me suddenly remembering Bella's hybrid daughter and the birth from hell. I grazed a hand against my belly. Yeah, not in this lifetime.

The movie wasn't quite over when Edward quietly excused himself from beside me. I checked on Angela, whose hand was clasped in Ben's, before I silently followed after him.

Once I reached the dim lit hall, I called, "Edward, where are you going?"

"Hell, most likely."

I snorted. "Yeah, no. I meant like, right now."

He chuckled and turned to face me. "I apologize for my sudden escape. I just needed a moment."

"…Are you okay?" I dropped my amused expression for one of concern.

Edward crossed his arms and heaved a sudden, pained sigh. "I suppose I was just wondering if the same could be possible for Carlisle. I could think of no one more deserving."

It took me a moment to realize he was referring to John's redemption at the end of the film, when his self-sacrifice allowed him entry into heaven.

And then I thought of my own encounter with death. Like the Cullens, I hadn't been biblically prepared for any of it. "I'm sure it's possible," I said, not to placate him, but because at this point, I believed anything was possible. "I know him better than I mean to. I can't imagine Carlisle going any other way." And although I didn't have a close relationship with Carlisle, reading about him through Edward's perspective had certainly given me a biased view of him. "Do you remember that book you let me borrow? About the man who made the journey from hell to heaven?"

"Yes, I remember the one."

"After reading every encounter that took place in that story…I can only come to the conclusion that heaven is a choice," I said. "Even being what you are, you all have free will. And making the choices that you all make―I believe it counts for a lot."

Edward gazed at me, eyes soft, and then he wondered, "Would it be strange to say you remind me of Carlisle?"

My eyebrows shot up high and I coughed a laugh into my fist. "Yes. Very strange. I can't imagine how you made that comparison."

"It's the hope in your eyes," he smiled sweetly, tucking one of the curls framing my face behind my ear. "It is Carlisle's hope that has always made this existence a little easier to bear. Seeing the same light of conviction in your eyes fills me with courage to face the things yet to be seen. Whether that is heaven…or hell."

I faltered. Knowing that Edward believed he was damned was one thing. Confronting it? I wasn't so sure I was ready to unpack every grievance that came with believing one didn't have a soul. And I believed Edward had a soul. But to show him that? I didn't know where to begin.

An abrupt murmur of voices erupted around the hall as the auditorium emptied beside us.

Before we could be interrupted, I clasped a hand around his and said, "It's a wonder I have any conviction left. I've lost a lot, Edward, and I've become a stranger. But…I'm learning to live around the gaping hole of absence that is in me. Because if I don't, I will die right alongside everything I've lost."

I had hope because it was my final lifeline. And if Edward could find hope in me, then maybe he could find a shared grief as well. Some things were too painful to bear alone.

Edward hummed in thought, tugging me closer and dropping a kiss atop my head. "In my ceaseless effort to understand you, I don't believe I've come as close as I have now."

I smiled. "What's the verdict?"

"I'd like to save my answer for a more appropriate time," he winked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his buzzing phone. "Alice, what is it?" he answered, tucking me under his arm while Alice spoke on the other end.

I swept my eyes across the dim hall, littered in popcorn crumbs and sparse of people, Ben and Angela nowhere in sight. I wrapped my arms around Edward's torso and leaned against him while I waited. He hardly said a word on his end, and I wondered what was going on in the Cullen household if Alice had so much to say.

When he finally snapped his phone shut, I glanced up and asked, "What's going on?"

"Later," he whispered, nodding his head towards where Ben and Angela were finally exiting the auditorium, hands still clasped together.

I grinned. "What took so long?"

"Aw man, you missed it!"

As we headed out the exit doors, I listened to Ben as he told us about the post-credits scene we had missed. All these years, and I'd never even realized there was a post-credits scene.

"So, what did you think, Angela?" I asked as we buckled ourselves inside Edward's car.

"Ah, it was…interesting," she said. "Although, I couldn't help but compare everything to biblical canon."

"Right?" I agreed with a startled laugh as we exited the parking lot and Edward merged into traffic. "It's nothing I ever learned in Sunday School. Was it anything similar to the comics, Ben?"

"Um, no, not really actually," Ben admitted, scratching his cheek. "In the comics, John lives up to his conman nature and sells his soul to a bunch of demon lords in order to force them to go to war over him. So his cancer is cured by them, but obviously not for the same reasons as in the film."

"That sounds more in character for him actually," I nodded. "He's not very nice."

"He really wasn't," Angela agreed. "It's too bad his change of heart isn't true to the original story."

"Most of it wasn't true to the original story," Ben shrugged.

"How so?"

Edward's question had Ben launching into an animated retelling of the story the movie had been loosely based off of. Beside him, Angela listened aptly, appearing charmed by Ben's enthusiasm. I listened with half an ear, distracted by Edward's pensive expression.

Despite my curiosity regarding Alice's phone call, I knew there was no sense in asking while in the company of Angie and Ben. Fortunately, Edward's heavy-footed driving ensured we arrived back in Forks in nearly half the time it would normally take.

"This is your stop, Ben," I interrupted them with a small twinge of regret.

"Oh," Angela blinked, face dropping with disappointment. "I guess I'll see you at school?"

"Of course!" Ben agreed eagerly. "Bye, guys! …Bye, Ange."

"Goodnight, Ben," she waved as he slid from his seat and out of the car.

Once he'd made it across the driveway and inside his house, Edward took off. I turned, ready to chat with Angela, until I realized she was gazing out the window, expression dazed. I turned forward again, allowing her her space. Jessica would grill her later enough for the both of us.

Once we dropped her off and bid her goodnight, I shot Edward an expectant look.

He heaved a resigned sigh. "Our cousins are visiting. They want to meet you," he explained shortly. "Certainly, you're allowed to decline."

I paused and then asked, "You're allowing me to choose?" I didn't think Edward would be willing to allow me near others of his kind. Not that I blamed him. After everything, I wasn't eager to put myself in any further danger.

Edward grimaced. "It's not ideal, but Alice is certain everything will work out fine. And she's eager."

"Eager, huh? Is there something you aren't telling me?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Yes, but only because they haven't told me either," he grumbled.

I laughed. "Then I guess we have no choice, but to find out."

"If you're sure," Edward said in a resigned tone, and turned at the next light, driving towards the outskirts of town in the direction of his house.

I wasn't totally, but I was curious enough to shrug off his petulant tone. "Step on it," I grinned.

A/N: And we finally get to meet the Denali Coven! Who's excited? x)

Anyway, please share your thoughts on the chapter! I'm eager to know what y'all think! :)