XXIX. Nothing but the Truth

By the time I reentered the kitchen, the savory aroma of garlic and tomato sauce was thick in the air. I would've found it mouthwatering, if my stomach wasn't already churning and if the rancid taste of bile didn't cling to the back of my throat.

"Zee…"

As soon as she caught sight of my pale face, she twisted the burner control until the flames had shrunk and turned fully to me. "Isabella, what's the matter?"

I adjusted the strap of my backpack on my shoulder. "I have to go."

Zee arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Is it life or death?"

"Something like that," I admitted, voice barely above a whisper.

She hummed. "You know, when you mentioned your second meeting with Azmon earlier, I got the feeling there was more to you than you were willing to share." Before I could say anything, she shook her head and continued, "I won't ask. But before you go, may I give you one last piece of advice?"

I nodded. "Of course."

"Don't try to heal from this on your own," she said with conviction. "Tell that boy, or someone else you trust. Let them take care of you. Let them cut you open and drain you of all your sorrows." She strode closer, until she was standing before me, a warm palm pressed against where my heart beat. "Just like you, I understand we are not easily mended. So take it from me―don't do it alone. It's miserable."

I offered her a small, tired smile. "Okay, I'll try my best."

"I expect nothing less," she smirked, and pulled me into a tight, but brief embrace, where she dropped a kiss at the top of my head. "Go on, sweet girl. I expect a call from you."

I reluctantly stepped away. "I'll be sure to do that. Thank you for everything. Send my regards to Ron and Riley."

"You got it," she said, waving me off and turning back to the stove.

I quickly exited her home and rejoined Edward in his car.

For a long while, we didn't exchange words. Although the silence was a bit stifling, I ignored it in favor of kicking off my boots and pulling my knees up to my chest, settling in for the long drive back to Forks.

Edward's words had filled me with unimaginable dread, but I would be lying if I said I was completely surprised. The thing about my life in this universe was that fate kept adhering to the plot, rather than my choices. Just because there would be no newborn armies, or silly love triangles, or a fancy wedding, didn't mean I wasn't being dragged to its inevitable conclusion. So, it seemed rather than wait for me to make decisions I would never make, it was skipping right to the ending.

An ending in which I spent eternity as a vampire with Edward.

I suppose there could be worse things in life.

"…Did you already foresee this happening?" Edward suddenly asked, voice pained and oddly resigned.

"I already told you," I said, tilting my head in his direction, "I've only seen one future. And this one isn't it."

"But didn't you say you were…one of us, in the future you had seen?"

"Yes. But a year and a half from now. Not within the next four months," I pointed out, tucking my chin against my knees. "And it's not a choice I was planning on conforming to. But I guess that never mattered."

"Never mattered?" Edward bit out. "Of course it matters. Alice's visions aren't set in stone. If you don't want this, then I'll make sure it never comes to pass."

Although I was deeply touched by his desire to protect me, I knew it was for naught. "Don't you see, Edward?" I asked gently. "I keep making different choices, and while they have caused changes, for better or for worse, it still leads to the same ending."

Edward shook his head, refusing to concede. "You don't know that."

I grimaced. "I know that when we met, our conversations and interactions completely differed, and yet you still pursued me. I know that I went to Port Angeles on a completely different day and month, and still ran into trouble―trouble which you saved me from. I know that I planned to never meet James and his coven, and yet, they still found us. I know that I currently have no desire of becoming a vampire, and yet, Alice still foresees I will become one." I huffed a small sigh. "Do you see the pattern?"

Edward looked to me, eyes deeply troubled. "Are you saying we have no free will?"

I shrugged. "I know we have free will. Otherwise, we'd be dealing with newborn armies, the Volturi, and a heartbroken Irina. What I'm saying is, maybe some things are just inevitable."

"So, that's it? You're surrendering?"

"Not exactly," I sat up with a small frown. "We don't have much information to go on. But when it comes down to it, I know I'd rather be a vampire than be dead." The again went unsaid. I'd already learned my lesson with Tyler's van. No matter the heartache and trauma, I refused to continue to squander my second chance. Zee was right. Grieving was okay, but I had to learn to move on with my life.

"Very well," Edward acquiesced, "But I promise you this―I'll do everything in my power to make sure you remain human for as long as you possibly can."

I smiled softly, "I know you will."

His expression softened into something sad. "And if I fail, just know, my family and I―we'll take care of you."

I reached over and weaved my fingers through his, relieved to know he had my back, no matter the outcome.

I woke up to the gentle hand of Edward shaking my shoulder.

"We're home," he murmured.

I uncurled and sat up with a jaw-cracking yawn and rubbed my eyes, before leaning down and sliding on my boots. By the time I finished zipping them up, Edward was already opening my door and helping me step out onto the dark driveway.

I wasn't totally sure what I expected to find when I walked into the house―maybe Irina and Tanya modeling the bridesmaid dresses Alice had to have completed by now, or Esme and Rosalie unpacking all the materials they'd ordered earlier in the week. Instead, the vast room was empty and the lights dimmed.

My eyebrows shot up. "Where is everyone?"

"Garrett and Eleazar are out hunting. Carmen and the sisters are driving up to Alaska to pick up some things they'll need before the ceremony," Edward explained, leading me further into the eerily silent house.

"What about everyone else…?"

My question was answered as soon as we entered the dining room.

Jasper loomed in one corner, Alice by his side. Emmett and Rosalie stood near where Carlisle and Esme sat at the head of the table.

"Isabella, welcome back," Carlisle greeted me.

Watching them shift to attention was strange, like marble statues suddenly coming to life.

"Hi," I said shortly, feeling subdued by the somber atmosphere.

"Alice," Edward said sharply. "What are you hiding?"

"You mean there's more?" Rosalie huffed quietly, with a hint of frustration.

"No, I told you everything I saw," Alice crossed her arms, lower lip jutting out in a small pout. "I'm only hiding my thoughts because there's something Isabella wants to share as well. But I don't think she's ready for Edward to know at this very second."

"Wait. I'm not sure I got the memo," I cut in.

Alice shot me a fond smile. "You'll figure it out."

"…Right."

"Alice, sweetheart, you want to share with Isabella your other vision?" Esme suggested, voice solemn.

Unlike the rest of her family, Alice seemed at ease as she explained, "I confess, it's not the first time I've had this vision. The first time, it was when Jazz and I were on the flight back from Biloxi. After James' coven had been destroyed."

Admittedly, I was surprised. Canonically, Alice revealed this vision about Bella after the incident with Tyler's van. It was nice to know that at least, at one point, my choice had mattered.

Alice continued, "Back then, I saw two paths. In one, you joined our family. In another, you remained human and grew up. I can't see the second second path anymore. And I don't check it on a regular basis, so I can't even pinpoint when it disappeared."

I frowned. "And you see nothing leading up to this?"

At this, her features contorted with vexation. "No! I have no idea what causes it!"

Silence fell, and I could feel the weight of everyone's gaze settle on me.

I had no idea what they expected me to say. There was literally nothing I could do and no way to circumvent it. So, I simply said, "Okay."

They exchanged glances, and it was Rosalie who bit out, "That's all you have to say?"

I blinked. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you expect me to say or do that will change the situation."

Rosalie shrugged off Emmett's arm around her shoulders and took a step forward. Fortunately, the dining table stood as a barrier. "Nothing of the sort. But you hardly seemed bothered. Was it a lie, then?"

I shifted, comforted by the weight of Edward's hand on my hip. "What was a lie?"

"When you told me point blank that you didn't want to be a vampire," she reminded me, the full weight of her ire burning in her soft golden eyes.

"No, I wasn't lying." I could see why my easy acceptance of the situation might give her that impression, but what did she want me to do? Throw a tantrum? Cry? Blame Alice? Ridiculous.

She scoffed under her breath, gaze cast aside, and muttered, "Yeah. Right."

If there was something I hated being called, it was a liar.

And maybe now, with all the lies and half-truths, I no longer had that right. But it didn't keep a rising indignation from burning in my chest.

I mirrored Rosalie and stepped forward, away from Edward's grip. "I'm not a liar, Rosalie. You're just being selfish."

Her eyes flashed hotly back in my direction. "Excuse me?"

"You're making this about yourself," I gestured sharply towards her. "I know if you had any other choice, this wouldn't be it. Well, newsflash, Rosalie. I don't have a choice either."

Although she dropped her gaze, a scowl still twisted her features. "Maybe. Maybe not." And then her eyes bored into me again, lips curling into a near snarl, "But Alice's visions are decision-based. If you truly don't want this, walk away."

"She's made it clear that it's going to happen whether I like it or not," I snapped, patience wearing thin.

She sneered. "So that's it? You're going to give up. Pathetic."

I fell silent. I knew she was goading me. In her own, twisted way, Rosalie was trying to help me.

But Rosalie didn't know what I knew.

For a moment, offense curdled in my gut and resentment blinded me. I wanted to throw in her face everything I'd been carrying since the day I'd met Azmon. Make her eat her words.

But…the shame that hit me at the thought was nearly as staggering. Because in some ways…I was luckier than them.

Esme―who was abused, who watched her child die, who committed suicide.

Rosalie―raped and beaten and left for dead.

And Alice―she couldn't even remember the torture she'd endured in the asylum.

How could I look them in the eyes, knowing what I knew, and act like I was any more broken than them?

So, I took a deep breath and remembered how the words tasted on my tongue. Already, I'd spoken the truth. Now, I would do it again. I'd already told Zee I would. I couldn't allow the woundedness in my heart to fester any longer.

"I already died," I confessed, voice catching as my throat closed up around something sharp, making it hard to swallow or breathe. After a brief pause, I continued hoarsely, "My chance at a normal human life ended the moment I drowned to death. I'm not Isabella Swan―I never have been. I've just been playing puppet with her body for the past few weeks."

The subsequent silence was so chilling, my lungs turned to ice in my chest.

"This isn't my body," I croaked, gesturing weakly towards myself. "It's my grave."

It was Carlisle who asked, voice wary, "Where is the real Isabella?"

"Bella," I corrected, eyes downcast and thick with unshed tears. "She went by Bella."

And finally, I understood the words Azmon had told me all those weeks ago.

"But," I said, lifting my eyes and meeting Carlisle's guarded eyes. I had to swallow the sick feeling at the back of my throat, before I could scrape the words off my tongue, "There is no Bella Swan. Not anymore."

I couldn't meet anyone's gaze under the weight of the crushing silence that followed my words.

I nearly stumbled, when I heard Jasper mutter, "They're back."

"…Sorry, bad time?"

I quickly wiped my face. "Nope, perfect timing, Garrett," I mumbled, turning around and ducking around him.

I ignored whatever else was said and headed for the door.

A/N: You know, from the Cullen's point of view, this sounds like a horror story.

But I'm excited I finally got to publish this! I actually wrote a good chunk of this back when I first started the story! And I know it's short, but at least you got another quick update :)

Be sure to drop a review please! :3