XXX. No Need to be Self-Conscious When You're Joining a Family with a History of Accidental and Intentional Murder

I sat on the white bench situated on the front porch, knees tucked under my chin, wondering if I'd made a mistake. Despite revealing the horror of the truth, I couldn't help but want what Zee had had―a family who cared for and supported her.

Then again…her family hadn't actually known the truth, had they? And they still didn't know: their daughter was a stranger.

"Mind if I join you?"

I glanced up to find Jasper already taking a seat to my right.

"Oh, hey," I mumbled. "Did uh, Garrett and Eleazar happen to hear any of that?"

"Not at all," Jasper assured me. "In fact, they're already gone again. Emmett muttered something about how having one sibling for a serial killer was bad enough, and wondering what he was going to do with two, before dragging the two off to help him pick trees."

I stared blankly at him, and decided I didn't want to know.

"Serial killer, huh?" I scrunched my nose. "I don't think one death is enough to warrant that label."

"That's too bad," he lamented. "Imagine what we could've been. Jazz and Izzy: Partners in Homicide."

Despite my best efforts not to, I smiled. And then I whispered, "It wasn't on purpose. I didn't even get a choice."

"I know, darlin'. You don't exactly strike us as the soul-killing, body-snatching type of gal…despite your best efforts to paint it that way."

I heaved a sigh. "It's the guilt talking." I peered up at him from the corner of my eye. "So, no one is too horrified?"

"Izzy," he deadpanned, "You could wipe out the entire town of Forks, and Alice would be more concerned with if you ruined your manicure or not."

I suppressed a smile. "That's Alice." Her disregard for humanity would normally be concerning. At this moment, I found it comforting.

"And believe it or not," he began, before gesturing for me to lean in closer. Once I did, he mock-whispered, "Beneath all her bluster, Rose actually felt a smidge of guilt. Can you believe that?"

I lifted an eyebrow. "You're pulling my leg."

"Hardly," he smirked. "Right, Rose?"

Behind him, Rosalie stepped out from the front door and onto the porch, scowling at the back of his head. "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't advertise my emotions," she bit out, arms crossed tightly below her bust, and then she met my eyes with a grimace. "I still think you're giving in too easily, but I'll drop it."

My shoulders relaxed. "Thanks, Rosalie."

She nodded and swept back inside without another word.

This time, I was unable to suppress a smile.

"Also," Jasper continued, "I hope you're hungry. Esme is cooking up a storm in the kitchen."

My smile widened. "Is she really?" I'd missed dinner and I was starving.

"We heard your stomach rumbling and she wouldn't stand for it. But beware of Carlisle," he suddenly cautioned me. "He's forgiven enough of our screwups, that he's already moved past what you told him. But now he's bursting with questions. I'd steer clear, if I were you."

I clamped down a laugh. "Don't be rude," I chided him.

He shrugged. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

"…And Edward?"

Jasper wrinkled his nose. "I wouldn't touch that boy's emotions with a ten-foot pole."

I rolled my eyes and stood to my feet. "You're ridiculous."

"Glad you're feeling better, Izzy."

I smiled. "I am," I realized. "Thanks, Jazz."

"Anytime, sweet cheeks." He flew to his feet and gestured towards the forest behind me. "Now, I'm going to go see if Emmett needs help picking trees."

My eyebrows arched. "…Right. Good luck with that."

"I'll be seeing you then," he waved, and like a ghost, he vanished.

Once I headed back inside, I followed the tantalizing smell of cooking steak. It sounded a bit heavy for the late hour, but I was too hungry to care.

As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, Esme shot me a sweet smile over her shoulder. "I hope you're hungry, Isabella."

"Starved," I assured her as I took a seat on one of the stools lining the kitchen island. "Thanks Esme, I really appreciate it."

"Any time," she called cheerfully. "You know I enjoy taking care of you."

"…Even after everything I've said?"

Esme paused and turned to face me for a brief moment, as she said, "Sweetheart, I once killed a man for accidentally scraping his palm. I'm certainly not one to judge or condemn."

"…Thanks." I relaxed, leaning my forearms against the marble countertop.

She turned back to the stove. "And it's as you told Jasper. You didn't get a choice. We all know too well what that's like."

I nodded, unable to voice another word, my chest thick with a storm of emotions I couldn't quite pin down.

Esme pulled out a baked potato from the oven, and prepared it, before sliding it onto a plate beside the cut of steak. She then gently pushed the plate across the kitchen island, along with a fork and knife. "Now, eat up before your stomach devours itself," she tsked. "Anything you'd like to drink?"

"Do you have lemonade?"

She smiled. "Always."

I ate with quiet gratitude, accepting the cold glass from Esme with a small grin. To my relief, she slipped onto the stool beside me and kept me company, flipping through a small sketchbook, pencil in hand.

I chewed thoughtfully while I gazed at the elaborate, half-circle balcony she was designing.

Once I swallowed my bite, I asked, "Is that for a client?"

"Oh, not at all," Esme flashed me a sweet smile before returning her gaze to the sketch. "This is going to be part of our next home. We've already purchased a plot of land a couple miles northwest of Calgary. I'm hoping it'll be complete before summer."

Summer, I thought, and then recalled Edward's words. Before the end of spring.

"…Is it because of what Alice saw?"

"For the most part," Esme agreed. "Regardless, we do need to start planning where we'll go in a few years. And if Alice's vision does come to pass, this will be a good, remote area to spend your newborn years in."

For a second, my vision blurred with tears, and then it was engulfed in darkness as Esme embraced me, gently pressing my face against her shoulder. "No matter the outcome, we're your family, Isabella. Never forget that."

"I won't," I promised, pulling back and scrubbing my eyes dry. "What else have you designed?"

As I ate, Esme flipped back through a couple pages. One sketch depicted two circular staircases mirroring each other and joining at the second level, meant to face the front entrance. Another was a round, two-story library with a wraparound balcony and a glass ceiling. The least elaborate sketch consisted of a cozy window seat situated below a large bay window.

"Could I have that in my room?" I requested, tracing the lines of stacked pillows and folded blankets drawn along the window seat.

"Absolutely. Any other requests?"

"No. I'm sure you'll design something beautiful either way," I grinned.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Esme smiled and flipped the sketchbook close. "Now, why don't I draw a bath for you? You need to get some rest."

"A bath sounds great," I decided. It would be another thing to stall a confrontation with Edward. I had avoided looking anywhere near him after I'd confessed earlier, and though his family seemed to easily forgive the harsh way I'd revealed the truth, I wasn't sure if it was the same for him.

I followed Esme up to the third floor, where she lead me down the hall towards the bathroom.

"You can go ahead and go through the cabinets," Esme suggested as she twisted the faucet to the tub, water crashing against porcelain. "I stored some clothes in there for you."

"Thank you," I said, heart swelling with gratitude, and did as told. I picked through the neat stacks of folded clothes and decided on a blue pair of sweatpants that were fuzzy on the inside, along with a gray tee and a soft pair of socks.

When I turned back around, the tub was nearly full and frothy with soap bubbles.

Esme pulled me into a brief, but tender embrace. "Always remember, we love you, Isabella."

I blinked back another wave of tears that threatened to overwhelm me. "I love you too," I whispered.

Esme pecked me on the cheek and wished me a good night, before allowing me some privacy.

As I stripped myself of my clothes, I was startled to notice the stark black writing against my skin that had remained hidden under my long sleeves from the previous night. Already, meeting Serena felt like a lifetime ago.

I curiously traced the numbers looping across my inner forearm, recalling her earnest gaze as she asked me to call her. To be her friend.

I climbed into the bathtub, but not before grabbing my cellphone. I still wasn't sure about this girl, but I couldn't help but be curious. So, I programmed her number into my phone, before I scrubbed away the ink.

Perhaps I'd ask Alice about her.

I took my time in the bath as I replayed the words I'd said earlier. What did Edward think? Hopefully nothing condemning, but…did he wonder about Bella? If it weren't for my presence, he would've fallen in love with her instead. Had he realized that? Were his thoughts full of what-ifs and could've-beens?

Too soon, the water grew cold, and I couldn't wash myself cleaner if I'd tried.

Drying off, getting dressed, brushing my teeth, and combing out my wet tangles of hair didn't seem to take long. And I knew if I stalled for much longer, it'd become obvious, so I finally switched the lights off and stepped back out into the hall.

I padded down to the last door at the end of the hall and cautiously peered inside. Although the ceiling lights were off, the tall lamp in the corner casted a dim glow. The wrought iron bed that Alice had purchased and replaced the black couch with, in anticipation for our sleepover, was still there. The expanse of the gray duvet creased under where Edward sat, at the end of the bed.

As soon as he met my gaze, his face melted with what looked like relief. In the same moment, Edward flew to his feet and hurried to my side, gently pulling me inside and shutting the door behind me with a click, before engulfing me in his embrace.

For a split second, I didn't react. I guess I'd expected a couple different reactions―questions, confusion, and maybe even that wary gaze that Carlisle had first worn when I'd exposed my truth. But then I was hit by a wave of my own relief, so much so that I didn't bother dwelling on those doubts any longer, and I became soft, wrapping my own arms around him and pressing my forehead against his chest.

We stayed that way for a long time.

It was when my arms began to tire, that Edward murmured against the top of my head, "I'm so sorry. For everything you've lost. I didn't understand before―didn't understand the depths of your ruin. But I see now. You're not really much different from the rest of us."

Once more, my eyes welled with tears. But this time, I allowed them to fall.

I thought grieving once, beside Zee, had been enough.

I had thought wrong.

I awoke to a gentle hand shaking my shoulder.

"Isabella," sang a sweet, soprano voice, "Wake up! You have to see this!"

I scrubbed my eyes and blinked up at the image of Irina's beaming face. "Good morning to you too," I grumbled, reluctantly pushing myself up as I shoved back a lock of hair from my face.

"Come, get on your feet," she urged, pulling back the duvet. "Alice just finished the last of the details on our dresses!"

That caught my attention. "Okay, okay," I agreed, sliding my legs out until they hung over the edge of the bed. "Just give me a moment to be human."

Irina followed after me, until we reached the bathroom. "This is my stop," I said, holding a hand up to keep her from shadowing me any further. "I'll be a few minutes."

"I will wait right here," Irina promised.

"Suit yourself," I muttered, and shut the door behind me.

Unfortunately, Irina's presence outside the door kept me from taking my sweet time, and so I rushed through using the toilet, washing my hands and face, and brushing my teeth. As promised, Irina was right where I'd left her.

"Where's Edward?" I asked her as I followed her down the stairs to the second floor landing. And then, I heard a violent screeching sound that caused goosebumps to erupt along my arms. "And what was that?!"

"It appears Edward and Emmett are finally putting that chainsaw to good use," Irina shrugged. "And God help Edward. Emmett can be so theatrical sometimes."

My face twisted with disbelief. "…Right."

For the first time since I'd been at the Cullens, I stepped into Alice's bedroom―though it was built more like a studio. A long white table took up one side of the room, swamped with folds of fabric, stacks of sketch pads, color pencils, cases of needles and thread, pincushions, and two sewing machines. One wall had long rods installed, where dozens of rolls of fabric were suspended, while another had an enormous cork board hung up and pinned on it were colorful sketches, fabric swatches, ribbons, and the odd feather or two.

Alice turned from where she stood in a corner opposite her work table, adjusting a dress from one of the three mannequins that stood in line. "Take a seat, ladies," she gestured towards the sleek white settee before her, where Tanya already lounged on one corner.

Irina gracefully hurried and dropped beside her sister, and I took the last spot while eyeing the mannequin that stood on the adjacent corner of the room. On it hung my half-finished prom dress, its billowing skirt nearly completed.

"So, any final thoughts, Isabella?" Alice reeled back my attention.

I ran my eyes across the white and red knee-length dresses that were a near replica of the sketches she'd shared with me. "Nope," I grinned. "They're flawless!"

Alice preened. "Thank you! Now, for the final fitting, who would like to try theirs on first?"

Beside me, Irina eagerly shot her hand up, while I said, "I'd love to."

In a flash near invisible to my eyes, Alice removed the red vests, unbuttoned all three dresses, and peeled them off the mannequins. "Undress please," she requested, vests in one arm, dresses in the other.

Within minutes, I had removed my sweatpants and tee, and slipped on the white dress. Alice buttoned up the back on my behalf, before I was able to slip on the vest. As I hooked the clips at the front, Alice adjusted the shoulders of the sleeves so that they remained perfectly puffy.

"Let me know how these fit," Alice said and dug out a pair of tall leather boots from a long shoebox, before handing them over to me, along with a pair of socks.

As expected, they were a perfect fit, and the heels were modest and comfortable.

I peered into the full-length mirror propped up nearby, and smiled. Although I didn't hold a candle to women like Irina and Tanya, it was still a fun outfit to dress in. Wearing something so foreign reminded me of the cultural festivals we used to have, back when I attended primary school in Mexico.

"It's a perfect fit, Alice," I congratulated her.

"It really is!" Irina agreed and spun in an elegant twirl. "I love it!"

Tanya smiled as she smoothed down the fabric of her skirt. "As expected of Alice."

Alice beamed. "Thank you! Now, please hang them on the rack over there. My next client is due in five minutes."

I snorted. "Next client?"

Tanya rolled her eyes. "She is referring to Kate."

"Aw, but I would like to see her dress," Irina pouted.

Alice handed out a set of hangers. "Sorry, ladies. But it will remain a surprise until the day of."

I took a hanger. "I thought the surprise was only meant for the groom."

"In this case, it's intended for everyone,'' she grinned.

"Very well. I suppose we can use the time to teach Isabella one of our traditional dances," Tanya decided.

"Actually, I was hoping to do that."

We turned to Edward, who stood at Alice's doorway.

"Um, babe. You have a little something…" I gestured towards his hair.

Edward dragged his fingers through his locks, dislodging a couple of wood chips, and muttered something that sounded like, "Damn you, Emmett." He then flashed me a sheepish smile. "I'll go get cleaned up. Meet me in my room in a few?"

"You can count on it," I laughed.

He shot me a wink and disappeared.

"Pity," Tanya murmured beside me. "I was hoping to get to know my new cousin-in-law better."

"Why don't you try getting to know your new brother-in-law better, first?" I pointed out.

Tanya's face dropped into a sullen look and Irina burst into snickers, "Why not indeed, sister?"

"We have an eternity for that," Tanya sniffed and turned around to change out of her bridesmaid dress.

Alice tittered, "Better you get over it sooner rather than later." She then turned to me, "Here, Isabella, you can change into this dress instead. And keep the boots on so you can properly break them in."

"Okay," I agreed, accepting a more modern green dress. Like the bridesmaid dresses, it had a billowy, knee-length skirt. And although the shoulders weren't puffy, the sleeves were similarly elbow-length.

After changing out and slipping my new boots back on, I meant to grab the clothes I'd slept in, but Alice beat me to it. "It's okay, I'll throw these into the laundry basket. You go ahead. Edward is already done."

"Thanks," I grinned, and waved to the other girls, before heading out and up the stairs once more.

In his room, Edward stood, dressed in a fresh set of clothes, hair damp and wood chip free, as he fiddled with his stereo.

"So," I said as I slipped into the room and shut the door. "Do I want to know why Emmett's been prancing about the Olympic forest picking trees like one would wildflowers?"

Edward turned to me and gave me an exasperated roll of his eyes. "Emmett realized he wanted to contribute more, and decided he would carve an elaborate bench and a set of chairs for the ceremony."

I joined him beside the stereo, where his collection of CDs were shelved. "Um, wow. That's sweet of him. And the chainsaw?"

"Necessary to cut the torn trunks into planks of wood," Edward explained, features twisting with distaste. "It was a bit messier than expected. But Emmett insisted that he wanted fresh red cedars, and refused to go out and purchase ready-made planks. He's impossible."

I laughed. "Sounds like a good time."

"Hardly," he grumbled.

I grinned and reached up to pat his wet hair. "Well, at least it's over. For now. You said you were going to teach me the traditional dances?"

"Just one," Edward said. "They're a tad complex, and you only have a week to get it down."

"Fair enough," I shrugged. "Dance was never really my area of expertise. Do you happen to have any traditional Slovakian music CDs on hand?"

"As matter of fact I do," Edward smirked. "The sisters picked up a couple last night. Along with the chainsaw." Here, he scowled.

"Okay, I really think you need to let this chainsaw-thing go," I snickered, taking his hand and leading him to the middle of his room. "Walk me through the steps?"

His expression softened. "It would be my pleasure."

Edward really understated the complexity of the dance. After an hour of elaborate footwork, twirling, and jumping around, I was absolutely worn out. We never even got around to playing the music.

We drew to an abrupt halt when my stomach complained. Loudly.

Edward looked stricken as he realized, "You didn't even have breakfast."

"It's okay," I huffed a small laugh. "I don't always eat in the morning, you know. But it does sound like it's time for an early lunch."

"Esme is currently out," Edward mentioned as he lead me out of his room, my hand curved into the crook of his elbow. "But I can make you something. What would you like?"

I arched an eyebrow. "You can cook?"

"Well…I can try."

I grinned. "Sure. I guess we can start with something simple."

Teaching Edward how to make a sandwich was hilariously adorable. He was intently focused and followed my instructions to a T.

And then, I took a bite.

Edward sat beside me on the kitchen island, eyeing me nervously. "…What's the verdict?"

I stalled for another second as I chewed slowly and then swallowed.

I shot Edward my most serious gaze. "It's delicious."

His shoulders relaxed from their taut line. "Oh. Good," he smiled in relief.

I suppressed a laugh. "Congratulations," I said instead, "Now you can make me sandwiches all the time."

He nodded, "Of course."

I grinned and took another bite.

Edward fiddled with my hair while I ate and I realized how nice it was being with him, just the two of us alone. With the craze of planning a wedding all of last week, and then the trip to Portland, along with Alice's vision and my confession of truth, we hadn't had much privacy. Any time we had spent alone had been full of secrets (the drive to Portland), full of tense silence (the drive back to Forks), or I'd mostly cried (last night).

At a glance, I noticed Edward's furrowed brow.

I refrained from taking another bite and asked, "Is something wrong?"

He met my gaze and softened his features. "Not at all. It's just…I have so many questions."

My face dimmed into something sad. "Of course you do."

"But, not until you're ready," he tacked on.

"I'm more ready than you realize," I admitted. It would be nice, to be honest for once. "I know there's not much time, with everything that's going on, but why don't we make it a date?"

His face brightened. "We'll make time," he assured me.

When I finished the last of my sandwich, I suggested, "Let's get in some more practice, and then you can take me back to Charlie's before he gets home from the rez."

Edward smirked. "Was the dance a little more difficult than you foresaw?"

I rolled my eyes. "No need to rub it in."

After Edward stayed at my house long enough to help me finish the homework I'd ignored all weekend, I was left on my own to cook dinner.

The chicken boiled in the pot, and I was carefully chopping up carrots on the cutting board, while my cellphone was tucked between my ear and shoulder.

On the other end of the line, Zee remained in shocked silence for a few seconds longer, before saying, "…You know, when I suggested you tell him the truth, I didn't mean him and his whole family."

I held back a laugh. "Well, you weren't necessarily wrong when you assumed there was more to my story. I can't say, since it involves other secrets than just ours, but they didn't find my story too hard to believe."

"Huh. How curious," Zee said. "At the very least, I'm relieved to know you followed my advice. I know it couldn't have been easy."

"It really wasn't," I said, as I moved on to chopping the potatoes. "In fact, telling him and his whole family was a dumpster-fire of a conversation. There were a lot of high emotions going around, and I can't say I was being very levelheaded. I'm just glad I finally got that out of the way. It was eating me up."

"I know all too well what you mean," Zee agreed. "But don't kid yourself. Opening up the first time is just the start. The trick is to actually keep doing it. Clamming up now will be two steps back, so be sure you don't isolate yourself."

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence." I cut up the last of the gourd, and swiped the chopped veggies into the pot.

"Just telling it like it is, sweet pea," she said.

I jumped slightly, at the sound of loud thumping against the front door.

"Someone's at the door," I told her. "I'll call you later."

"I expect so."

I flipped my cellphone shut as I walked out into the front hall and opened the door, only to be nearly knocked over by Leah barging into my house. "Um, an 'excuse me' would have sufficed."

But I went ignored as Leah scoured the living room and then the kitchen.

"Smells good in here," she called.

I followed after her with a roll of my eyes.

As soon as I returned to the stove, she wrinkled her nose, and said, "Let me rephrase that: the food smells good. You? Not so much. What? Is bleach the new Chergui?"

I paled. "No," I hissed, "That's you being able to smell the scent of vampire."

"Oh, shit. Is it happening?!" she demanded. "Am I starting to smell like a dog?!"

"Human nose, remember?" I pointed to my nose and then turned to stir the soup. Technically, Jacob had also been able to smell the scent of vampire in the first book. "But there's no need to get hysterical, Leah. It's just a sign that you need to leave as soon as you're able."

"Not a chance," Leah shook her head and leaned back against the counter, arms crossed tightly. "As inconvenient as this is, I can't just leave Seth on his own to deal with all this bullshit."

Inconvenient? The word rippled through my mind like an echo, and my heart turned to ice, as I recalled exactly how her and Seth had shifted. I have to warn her about Harry.

"Leah―"

"Anyway, you're lucky I got here when I did. I have bad news, and I want you to know now―it was definitely not my fault," Leah glared.

"Leah, I think what I have to say is more important―"

"Okay, it might have been slightly my fault. But how was I supposed to know Quil would spill the beans to Billy?!"

"Hold up―Quil did what now?"

"So, it turns out that this whole time Billy was under the impression that you were dating some kid named Edwin. Unfortunately, Quil dissuaded him of this, and revealed that it's actually Edward Cullen―you know, the vampire―who's been wooing you. And now, he's on his way here with Charlie."

"Fuck! What am I going to do? What am I going to say?!"

Leah took my spot and picked up the ladle I'd dropped. "Swan, what the fuck? Where are the noodles? Is this rice?!"

"Yes, it's rice! That's how I make my chicken soup."

"Why the fuck would you want to eat soggy rice―" Leah paused long enough to try some. "Shit. Never mind. That's delicious."

"As much as I appreciate your approval, that's not really my current dilemma."

Leah set the ladle to the side. "Duh. Why do you think I'm here? If I stick to your side, then there's no way Billy can say anything without endangering any secrets. Which is complete bullshit, considering I'm going to be a fucking werewolf in a year. But yeah, I'll help you out. No need to thank me."

"I'm grateful, Leah. Really, I am. But there is something more important we need to discuss," I said, voice grave.

"Fine, out with it," she huffed.

I paused, unsure of how to phrase something so delicate, but then Leah turned to the kitchen entrance. "It's too late, they're here. We can talk later."

"What are you on about―"

And then, I heard the twist of the keys unlocking the front door.

Soon, Charlie, along with Billy and Jacob were joining us in the kitchen.

"Oh, hello Leah," Charlie greeted her.

"Hiya, chief," she saluted him.

"Sorry, you wouldn't mind if Leah stayed over for dinner?" I asked.

He chuckled. "As long as you don't mind feeding Billy and Jacob as well."

I barely held back a grimace. "Plenty to go around. Hello, Billy. Hi, Jacob."

"Good evening, Isabella," Billy greeted me, eyes crinkled with concern.

"Why don't you all go ahead and watch the game? Dinner will be ready in a bit," I said. In reality, I needed a moment to breathe.

"You're the best," Charlie grinned, and gestured for Billy to follow him into the living room.

As soon as they disappeared, Jacob shot Leah and accusatory glare. "Did Quil tell you I was coming? It was bad enough I had to fend him off!"

Leah sneered, "Get real, Jakey. Isabella's taken. You don't stand a chance." In a clear dismissal, Leah turned her back to him and whispered, "Everything is going as planned. We can postpone our other conversation for later. Hopefully, they don't linger."

Jacob joined my other side. "You're not being as quiet as you think you are."

"Or maybe you just have the ears of an attention-starved dog."

I scowled.

This was going to be the longest, most awkward dinner I'd ever had. I just knew it.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this mess of a chapter. I didn't edit, so theres probably some mistakes. (Now I understand why writers have betas. Editing is exhausting.)

Anyway, be sure to drop a review! :)