XXXIII. Seas the Day

We were a few minutes outside of Port Angeles when Edward replied, "I suppose…I just want to know who you are."

"I wouldn't even know where to begin with that," I smiled sheepishly.

"I don't imagine it's so difficult," he refuted. "Who were you, before you were Isabella Swan?"

My smile dimmed. "…There is one thing I can't tell you. Not because I don't want to, but because it's been wiped from my mind."

Edward appeared startled by this admission. "They tampered with your memories?"

"In more ways than one," I frowned. "Azmon said it would be easier to adjust to this new life, if I didn't remember my name. If I didn't remember my death. Maybe he was right, about the second one, but I can't imagine how having my name stolen would make any of this easier."

His expression darkened. "And Azmon…he's the one who did this to you?"

"I don't think so," I said. "From the way he described it, he sounded more like the messenger boy."

"So there's a power higher than him," he deduced, exiting the highway and driving into town.

"I would guess so," I agreed. "But Azmon was pretty tight-lipped. I hardly got anything from him. Then again, considering how well it went the first time I got him to reveal things, it's likely for the best."

"You're referring to your encounter with him in the bookstore," Edward said, voice hesitant.

"Yes," I whispered, voice becoming slightly choked. I was forced to speak slowly around the lump in my throat, lest I start crying. "I didn't just remember. It was like…like I was forced to relive that moment. One second, I was sitting down, and then…I was drowning. And then, you were there and I was alive again. It was horrific."

"I know," he murmured, voice dark with something hateful. "You don't need to keep talking about this, if you don't want to."

"No, it's fine," I assured him, "I think I'm getting better at it."

He slid his car into one of the parking spots in the main shopping street and turned to gaze at me gently. "Okay."

"Okay," I agreed.

When he opened the passenger door on my behalf, he asked with a lighter tone, "What would you like to eat?"

"Let me think about it," I said, grasping his hand and stepping out onto the walkway. "I'm not hungry just yet."

"I'll let you know when you are," he teased, using his other hand to gesture towards his ear.

"Please don't. That's weird," I laughed as we fell into step beside each other, strolling along the path.

"Everything about me is weird."

"True," I grinned. "I'm pretty weird as well. Not so much, in the before. I was like, the nice female version of Mr. Varner."

His eyes lit up with glee. "You were a high school math teacher?"

"Now you know who I truly was," I said with mock sorrow.

"No wonder you act like you've already been through high school," he snickered. "You didn't just graduate once. You went back of your own volition."

I jabbed him with my elbow. "At least I don't have a dozen high school diplomas. That's just miserable."

"As a matter of fact, I only have six."

I shot him a look of disbelief.

"Accidents happen, so we don't finish half the time. And we prefer college. Plus, as one of the oldest, I've had to assist Carlisle with three different newborns. It didn't leave much room to earn a whole dozen."

"Fair enough," I smirked.

By now, dusk had descended. The shops and restaurants around us brightened invitingly with a warm glow. Although I wasn't hungry yet, I began wondering what I might be in the mood for.

"Before," Edward said, pulling me from my thoughts as we rounded a corner, "You mentioned someone. A brother."

"Oh," I whispered, heart clenching. "Yes. He's the person I miss most."

"He was your most important person?" Edward asked delicately, as though unsure if I would be willing to answer.

I smiled reassuringly at him. "Yes," I agreed. "My parents―I love them, but…they never wanted to be parents. I was an accident, and thirteen years after me, so was my brother."

"So you practically raised him," he realized.

"Exactly. People would even assume I was his mom. I took him to everything and attended all his school events," I explained. "It resulted in a close bond between us that my mom sometimes resented. But I didn't care. I love that kid."

Edward frowned sadly. "I'm sorry you had to lose him."

"I am too. I just wish I'd gotten some more time with him, before I had to die. He was too young."

Edward paused long enough to embrace me. My body, having learned to associate his cool temperature with comfort, pressed closely against him without protest.

When I finally pulled away, I looked up at him and surmised, "So, that's it. I was a full-time math teacher, and a part-time mom. Do you now have the full picture?"

He laughed. "Not even close, love."

"What more could you possibly want to know?!"

"Everything," he reminded me. "For example, you must've dated."

I wrinkled my nose with distaste. "That's a bit of a sore subject," I admitted as we fell back into our stroll. "Most dates were forgettable, but I did have one long term relationship. It ended pretty ugly. Like, restraining order-level ugly."

"…He hurt you?" Edward asked in a low, stilted voice.

"Oh no, not at all," I said, "But he did stalk me."

Edward winced.

"It's not a jab at you," I smirked. "I'm just glad you stopped when you did."

"I am too. I apologize."

"All is forgiven."

"And your ex?"

"Like I said, sore subject," I frowned, rubbing a hand against my chest, as though that would ease the phantom ache. "It was very toxic. He was my best friend and we had a great time together. In those moments, it was easy to overlook all the bad things he did―the manipulation, the lies, the scheming. It was a mess."

"It sounds like a lot to unpack," he agreed carefully.

"And I'd rather not do that on our date."

"Hint taken," Edward smiled. "What about adulthood? Do you miss it?"

"I do and don't. It was stressful sometimes, but absolutely worth it for the freedom. Nowadays, I can't even stay out past eleven, unless Esme is there to bribe Charlie with a homemade meal and some baked goods," I snorted.

"I'm aware," he chuckled. "Living with Charlie must be strange."

"It really was at first. He's not so bad. I just feel bad whenever I spend time with him at home. He thinks he's bonding with his daughter, when in reality, I'm a stranger."

"True. But he doesn't know that. In this case, ignorance really is bliss."

"…I'm worried about him. It won't be long before Alice's vision comes to pass. And then, where will that leave him?"

Edward frowned sadly. "I suppose, the only thing you really can do is offer him good memories. It'll be what he cherishes most, when you're gone."

"I guess so," I sighed.

I then slowed to stop, when I realized we'd reached the familiar clapboard steps from long ago.

"Let's go down to the pier," I suggested.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Edward frowned, resisting the tug on his arm.

I turned back to him. "Probably not. But I really want to go to First Beach this weekend with the girls. I'd rather test out now how I react to being near the water."

Edward sighed and agreed reluctantly, "Very well."

"Thank you," I said, tightening my grip on him. "I wouldn't have the guts to do this on my own."

"That would be foolish," he pointed out. "It'd be dangerous, if you were to have a panic attack in such a place."

"That too."

I clomped down the clapboard steps, fingers digging into the sleeve folds of Edward's beige leather jacket. It felt like a lifetime ago, that I'd stumbled down these same steps. Back when I didn't have an aversion to the ocean; back when I hoped that this life was only temporary. The steps remained the same; I did not.

But no one could see that. No one other than myself, and Edward.

As soon as we stepped onto the boardwalk suspended above the black waters, the concentrated smell of salt water hit me like a freight train.

―dark, cold, wet, Ican'tbreathe―

"…Isabella?"

"I-I think," I stuttered, shakily stepping forward under his guarded gaze, until I sunk onto my knees right along the edge of the boardwalk. "I think I'm going to be sick," I mumbled, before leaning over the water and retching.

Cool fingers slid my hair away from my face as I coughed up what little remained in me from lunch, nausea roiling across the back of my throat and chest.

Finally, I sat back with a weak groan, breathing shallowly through my lips.

"That was gross," I mumbled, swiping my sleeve across my mouth. "Sorry you had to see that."

For a moment, Edward didn't reply, and then he pushed a plastic water bottle into my hands.

"Thanks," I muttered, and rinsed my mouth out over the edge.

Edward pressed a cool hand against my back. "No one expects you to do this. Why are you pushing yourself?"

I swallowed a few sips, and admitted while gazing forlornly down at the black, "Because…I used to love going to the beach. And, this pain that I now associate with it, isn't something I want to carry into immortality."

"How do you mean?"

"I'm not totally sure how your physiology works…but I know vampires are permanent creatures. If I carry this memory with me into eternity, will I always dread coming near the water?" I glanced over and met Edward's concerned gaze.

"I…couldn't say. Everyone is different. When we turn, we lose many of our human memories. We tend to only keep the ones we cling on to. You might be able to forget, but I can't guarantee it."

"And that's why I insist on doing this," I said firmly. "I'll go to First Beach on Saturday. And I'll take medicine to keep the nausea at bay. I'll get better."

When I noticed a frown still marred his face, I asked, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I just wish I could go with you," he confessed.

My expression softened. "You're with me now," I reminded him. "Now, come on. My stomach is empty and I'm definitely getting hungry."

Edward helped me to my feet as he said, "If you're sure you can keep it down, I'll treat you to anything you want."

"The sea salt smell isn't as potent over by the shops and restaurants. I think I'll be fine," I assured him.

Even so, he kept an arm curved protectively around my shoulders as he lead me back the way we'd come.

"Anything in particular you'd like to eat?"

"This body always seems to favor Italian," I muttered with a roll of my eyes. "Pizza sounds good."

Edward peered down at me curiously. "Not that I'm too familiar with human cuisine, but what were your preferences before?"

I shrugged. "Mainly spicy foods, I guess."

He sighed. "Those words mean nothing to me."

"Yeah, I figured," I laughed. "You either get the sweet human munchies, or bland animal tofu. There's not much room for variety."

"There's a little," he argued. "Lion tofu is a hundred times better than elk tofu."

"Yeah, and I'm sure o-positive is a million times better than both," I snorted.

"Don't remind me," he grumbled. "Come on, there's a pizza place this way."

"Ooh, perfect!"

It was the next day after school, when I found myself stuck in the living room between Kate's pleading eyes and Garrett's amused expression.

"I'm positive, I'm the last person you should be asking for help," I hedged. "Also, is Garrett even supposed to be listening in on this?"

Kate pouted. "He lingers, because he enjoys teasing me. If he were really brave, he would sit here, right next to me."

"I've been on the receiving end of those zappy fingers a couple of times already, sweetheart," Garrett assured her with a wink. "Besides, this angle provides such a lovely view of your profile."

Kate snorted, pretending she wasn't flattered. "Coward."

"I'm not so easily intimidated. But you, Kate, are certainly worthy of caution."

I sighed. "I'm warning you, I have no experience in this. You'd likely have better luck with Rosalie or Carmen."

"No, no," Kate waved me off. "I already spoke with them both. But Rosalie's ideas tend to be more on the suggestive side, and Carmen wrote all of her's in Spanish, which you would not think was a problem―until you translate it and realize they are the traditional Christian vows. I was hoping for something a little more original. It was similar with Esme, and Alice's were so full of their actual future, I could not draw much inspiration from that."

"…So, I'm actually your last resort," I said dryly.

"Do not feel insulted," Kate patted the back of my shoulder gently. "I was merely approaching those who have already had the experience of being wed. Since that was of no use, I hoped that you could offer some insight."

I slumped back against the couch in defeat. "Alright."

"Thank you, Isabella! I knew I could count on you," Kate grinned.

"I guess that's my cue to scram," Garrett jumped to his feet. "Good luck, ladies."

He disappeared in a flash.

I turned to Kate as I made myself more comfortable on the couch. "I think," I began slowly, pulling a cushion onto my lap, "That the reason you're struggling with writing your vows, is that you keep going to others to gain inspiration. Vows are meant to be personal and only specific to your relationship with Garrett."

"Oh. Yes, Alice pointed out a similar thought."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Then what's the problem?"

Her shoulders slumped. "I do not know where to begin."

I smiled. "Maybe, letting him know how much you love him, would be a good start."

Her amber eyes brightened with devotion. "Yes, I suppose that is not a terrible idea."

Kate picked up her notebook from the coffee table and flipped it open, sweeping the tip of her pen across a fresh page.

The moment she finished jotting down her thoughts, she turned back to me, pen at ready. "What is next?"

I smothered a laugh. "We're not checking off a list," I said. "But, how about…"

We spent the rest of the hour brainstorming ideas of what she could include in her vows, when we were interrupted by Alice.

"Kate!" she called, darting down the stairs and across the room in a blur. "How angry would you be if you had a wedding crasher or two?"

Kate glanced up towards her. "I say, the more, the merrier."

"Splendid!" Alice clasped her palms together with a cheer.

"Who's dropping by?" I asked.

"I'll keep that a surprise," she shot me a wink. "Oh! And don't tell my brother!"

Before I could point out that there wasn't much to tell, Alice disappeared.

With a shrug, I turned back and picked up where I'd left off with Kate.

A/N: This chapter was going to be longer, until I realized it's been weeks since I updated x)

Thank you to everyone who voted on the poll. Options 2 and 3 were basically tied, so I'll be updating Edward's POV next, and I'll start drafting a fun scene for y'all. I was thinking some nonsense with the human!squad could be entertaining!

Also, for those who haven't read it, I published an outtake from Leah's POV. If that's of any interest to you, feel free to check it out!

Until next time! :)