XLV. That Which Cannot be Seen

"That's Alice!" I announced at the ring of the doorbell.

"You're not even done with your dinner," Charlie protested, briefly muting the TV.

"It's a sleepover, chief," I reminded him, jumping up and setting my plate of half-eaten chicken tenders on the coffee table. Tonight's dinner had been takeout from the diner. "I gotta leave room for junk food!"

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Don't make yourself sick. Are you going to the dance tomorrow?"

"Yep," I said, picking up my backpack and heading into the front hall to put my coat on. "I'll be back tomorrow night, after the dance."

"Alright," Charlie called. "Don't let me catch you in one of those bonfire after-parties in the woods."

I laughed and finished securing the last button on my coat. "Wouldn't dream of it. Bye!"

"Stay safe!"

"You too, chief," I called, swinging the strap of my backpack over my shoulder and pulling the front door open.

"H-hey," I said, startled to see Jasper standing under the warm, hazy light of the porch, honey-blond hair darkened with rainwater.

He lifted a finger to his lips.

Quickly, I shut the door behind me, before whispering, "Jasper, where's Alice? Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine," he assured me with a wink. "Alice sent me out to chauffeur you back to the house."

"Oh," I said, as he turned, traipsing down the porch steps and gesturing for me to follow him across the driveway. I hurried, a cold drizzle drumming gently against my face and hair. When I reached the front passenger seat of the Volvo, he opened the door for me and I quickly jumped in.

Once Jasper was sitting on the driver's side, I asked, "Weren't you supposed to go out on a hunting trip with Edward and Emmett?"

"No," he assured me as he merged into the neighborhood street. "We're hunting in pairs at the moment. And we're staying close to home."

"…Right," I said, contrite. With Alice's looming vision of my disappearance fast approaching, it made sense they wouldn't set out too far.

Jasper shot me a quizzical look. "What's this?"

I shifted in my seat. "What's what?"

"Remorse," he said. "You're barking up the wrong tree there, Izzy. Whatever inconveniences you think you're causing, they're not more important than your safety. We protect our own."

"I know," I blew out a heavy sigh. "It's just…grating. The uncertainty, the dread, the waiting." I had first thought there was nothing else to it. I would become a vampire, as Alice had seen, and that would be that. But the longer this dragged out, the more I wondered how badly I'd need to be hurt, to ensure vampirism was my only path to living. "Have you guys found anything?"

"No, we haven't."

I fell silent, at Jasper's short admission. I'd already gone around in circles when I'd had this conversation with Carlisle, and I didn't want a repeat.

Then again, what could be worse than Bella's leg snapping under James' foot? My mind could hardly fathom it.

"How's your arm?" Jasper asked.

"I took my medication before you arrived," I said. "So, currently pain-free until my next dose."

"Good. And, I wanted to apologize," he said. "On behalf of Peter and Charlotte. They never intended to hurt or frighten you."

I withheld a sigh and turned to him with a look of understanding. "I know. If their intentions had been anything less, Edward would've turned them away from the beginning."

"As would I," he assured me. And then, "You don't hold it against them?"

"No, not really," I said. "It was an accident, nothing premeditated. But Edward was right to be worried. Alice can't predict every little incident, and it's unfair to expect her to."

"I'm…relieved," he admitted. "They visit us every so often. I'd hate for there to be any conflict between you and them."

I quirked an eyebrow. "I know I'll be joining your family, but Peter and Charlotte are your siblings. Why do you care what I think?"

Jasper took his eyes off the road and shot me a look of puzzlement. "…Edward didn't tell you?"

"No?" I frowned. "…Rosalie asked me something similar though, not long after the incident. What aren't you guys telling me?"

"It was never really meant to be a secret," Jasper assured me. "Especially since you have a knack for knowing things you shouldn't. But I suppose with everything else that's been going on, Edward would've hardly wanted to introduce another complication."

"Maybe," I hesitantly agreed. As far as I knew, Edward had never held back information with malicious intent. "What complication are you referring to?"

"A vision that Alice had, the same day that Edward rescued you from being crushed by Tyler's van."

"A vision?" I tried to recall what Alice had seen that night from the story. "About me and Edward?" But that hardly made sense, seeing as it had nothing to do with my opinion regarding Jasper's extended family. "Or about me and Alice?" Come to think of it, Alice had never once claimed we'd be best friends.

That's a strange variation.

Not that I minded. Alice had always been Edward's best friend first. There was no sense in changing that.

"A vision about you and Alice?" Jasper asked, clearly taken aback.

I shook my head. "Ignore me. I was just speculating. What was the vision?"

"It was about you…and I," he said, hesitant. "Alice said that we're meant to be friends."

"You…and I?" I stared out into the black of night, too stunned to form words.

It was a change I hadn't expected.

Alice had never claimed we'd be best friends, because we weren't meant to be. All along, it had been Jasper.

And suddenly, things began to fall into place, questions I didn't even know I had, now answered―why Edward had allowed Jasper to take me aside to discuss Irina, despite his tenuous control; the reason Jasper had been so willing to comfort me after I'd revealed my truth to their family; why he'd been so open to introducing me to Peter and Charlotte; the way he'd protected me from his siblings, rather than lose control.

I tried to picture it in my head―Jasper and I, as best friends, and my heart warmed with affection.

I hadn't known Jasper long, and most of what I knew about him, I'd learned from the books. I remembered his history with Maria in the south, remembered his first encounter with Alice, remembered the difficulties he'd faced as he transitioned into a new diet. He was intelligent and brave and fierce.

But above everything, Jasper was loyal; someone I could trust to have my back and be my ally.

"That's why you protected me that night," I said, finally breaking the silence. "When Rosalie told me, I didn't understand why, but…now it makes sense."

"I'll admit," Jasper began, chagrined. "When Alice first told us, I didn't know what to think."

I snorted a laugh. "Now that I can imagine. Up until a few decades ago, humans were food, not friends."

"It felt beyond me," Jasper admitted quietly. "Even after I left my life in the south behind, I still struggled not to gorge myself on blood. And then, with Alice, no longer having to hunt humans was a relief, but my instincts were so deeply embedded I couldn't always think above it."

I winced, knowing he'd felt the stab of horror in my gut. Abruptly transitioning from feasting freely on human blood amongst bloodthirsty newborns, to the quiet, solitary life of the north would be painful for anyone.

I tried to express a bit of sympathy for Jasper, hoping he would accept it for what it was. It's not as though he'd asked for any of it. But still, I could hardly imagine it.

"I know you trust Alice. But, how could I have made that much of a difference? I'm only one person." Not to mention, he hardly knew me. Why would he care?

"You underestimate just how cherished you are by our family. I could never hurt you, Iz. And when you revealed that I would do so regardless…" Jasper scoffed. "I knew then that I needed to let it go. I used to believe that the damage inflicted by Maria could never be undone; that I would always struggle with my thirst as a result of my upbringing. But having you, a human so loved by Alice and the others―it's not a scenario I ever imagined. But it was the one I needed, to move beyond what I thought I was capable of."

A whirlwind of emotions swelled in my chest―wonderment, respect, affection.

Although I'd never felt entitled to Edward's devotion, and had even battled with the idea that I was undeserving due to the nature of my appearance in Forks, it had never felt outright bizarre. Gaining the acceptance, the friendship, from individuals such as Rosalie and Jasper on the other hand…

It was relieving to realize I was so welcomed by Edward's family. It made the future feel a little less bleak.

Finally, I said, "That's…incredible." And I hoped that the wave of admiration I felt in that moment, would be clear to him. "Don't misunderstand, I'm glad I could help you in this way, idle as it was. But, it was you who did all the work. And I'm happy for you, Jazz."

I felt a wave of gratitude and affection suddenly sweep through me, abrupt and so strong, I knew it couldn't have been of my own making.

It was gone as quickly as it'd come, but it rendered me speechless.

"Thank you," he added, needlessly.

When we arrived, Jasper lead me up to the second floor and directed me to Carlisle's office.

"Edward's orders," he explained. "He figured you'd best have your injury treated by Carlisle before Alice got ahold of you."

I snorted. "Smart. Do you know when he'll be back?"

"After the hunt they'll be scouting the surrounding area, so it might be a few more hours."

"Got it. Thank you."

"My pleasure," Jasper said with a charming grin, and vanished.

Inside the office, I found Carlisle standing beside his desk, flipping through wide, dark-tinted sheets that glistened with bright white imaging.

"Isabella, welcome," he smiled, beckoning me to join him.

"What are you looking at?" I asked, dropping my backpack in one of his armchairs and moving to stand beside him at his desk.

"These are your CT scans taken on the day of the incident," Carlisle said, gesturing towards a set of x-rays arranged on his desk, before placing down the other set held in his hands. "And these are copies of older scans that I had sent over from Phoenix. Can you spot the difference?"

My gaze flickered between the two sets of brain images. "They look the same to me," I admitted with a helpless shrug. "Though Edward mentioned otherwise."

Carlisle smiled. "Yes, but even an experienced doctor would have difficulty in distinguishing every incongruity found between the two. This set here," he said, gesturing towards the older scans. "These were taken last summer. I assume you were not Isabella then?"

I had to push down the old, familiar grief that surged in my chest, before I could answer. "No. Like I told you all, it's only been a few weeks. I awoke on the plane flying from Seattle to Port Angeles on January seventeenth."

"It hasn't even been two months," Carlisle realized.

Today was the eleventh of March.

"No, it hasn't."

His gaze was patient, gentle eyes brimming with compassion. "I apologize," he said. "I was initially captivated by the strangeness depicted in these scans. I did not mean to cause you any pain by sharing this with you."

"What's so strange about them, exactly?" I asked. I vaguely recalled the brief explanation Edward had given me, about how my adult memories had accelerated the aging in Bella's brain.

Carlisle used his index finger to indicate areas of my brain on the most recent x-ray. "This is your cerebral cortex," he said. "It's responsible for your brain's higher level processes―memory, thinking, learning, reasoning, emotion. It's essentially what makes you, you―your personality."

"And that's where you found the discrepancies?" I asked, my mind latching onto his last word―personality.

And slowly, I began to come to a realization which I had not reached the first time Edward had explained this to me.

"Yes. It was the strange focal neural activity that initially caught my attention, because it resembled cerebral atrophy. Until I realized that the tissue wasn't shrinking―it was evolving." Carlisle's hand drifted over to the older x-rays. "In comparison, these images show the brain of a typical adolescent. Which can only mean that the transmigration of your soul caused real, physical changes."

An emotion I couldn't put a name to, caught in my throat, my eyes still glued to the most recent scans. I brushed my fingertips against the parts of my brain Carlisle had initially indicated, trusting that the changes which only his professional and enhanced eyes could see, were there. "It's me."

In hindsight, it seemed silly to react so strongly. Of course I already knew that Bella was gone, and that it was me who occupied her body.

But to have the physical evidence before me, demonstrating that my mind really was my own, eased the grip which crushed the air out of my lungs every time I unexpectedly caught sight of Bella's reflection―of my reflection.

Because it didn't actually matter what I looked like now. I was still me. And I always would be.

Carlisle's hand gently gripped my shoulder. "It is you, Isabella. It has been, since the beginning."

I looked up to him and smiled tremulously. "Thank you for showing this to me, Carlisle."

"You are most welcome," he said kindly. "Come, let's take a look at your arm, before Alice grows any more impatient."

I huffed a small laugh. "Of course."

"Do those work well with your hair?" I asked Rosalie the next day, while I gazed up at her through one of her mirrors. Coils of golden hair rested neatly atop her head, pinned around hot rollers.

We were currently sitting on the thick, lush carpet of her bedroom in a nook that contained multiple ceiling-to-floor length mirrors, perfect for catching your reflection at every angle.

Initially, I had found it alarming. I'd only closely observed my new features a handful of times, generally avoiding mirrors. Catching the unexpected sight of my face, no matter which way I looked, had been too much at first.

But now, I was almost used to it. It helped that Bella's face―my face, was not unpleasant to look at.

"Alice and I have to tweak the electrical components of most hairstyling tools we purchase," Rosalie explained as she continued to gently section and roll my thick hair up into hot rollers. "Our hair is many times more durable, so it requires more heat to style."

"That makes sense, I think." Though I wouldn't have been surprised to find that Rosalie's hair was naturally flawless. She was literally that perfect. "Have you ever cut it? I know it doesn't grow back." I vaguely recalled the newborn with the bald patch from Victoria's army.

"Only one strand," Rosalie admitted, abashed. "I volunteered when we were experimenting, since Alice already has so little hair. We knew we could reattach it with venom, but unfortunately, it gleams white where it's been reattached, so we gave it up as a lost cause."

"That's a bummer," I sympathized. "Then again, reattaching each and every single strand, one by one, when you want your long hair back is mental."

Rosalie lifted her shoulders in a barely-there shrug. "At our speed, it wouldn't necessarily be inconvenient. The only trick is recalling which hair strand belongs to which."

"I found it!" Alice announced, skipping back into the room in a semi-blur and dropping down to sit with us. "The perfect shade of white-gold to match your dress!" She wiggled the shimmery nail polish close to my face for my inspection.

I grinned. "You're right, it is perfect."

"Thank you," Alice preened and then tugged my feet into her lap. "I'll start with your toenails."

"How much longer until we're ready?" I asked.

Already, I'd spent the morning primping under Alice's insistence, which I normally wouldn't mind. It had been fun even, applying face masks and hair masks, getting to try on an arrangement of shoes Alice wanted me to choose from, taking a long, luxurious bath.

But I missed Edward. I'd fallen asleep before he'd returned last night and Alice insisted that he couldn't see me until I was dressed and fully ready for the dance.

Alice hummed in thought. "Give me one more hour, please!"

"Alright," I relented.

Behind me, Rosalie scoffed. "You need to learn to quit giving in to Alice so easily."

"Hey!" Alice protested with a pout.

"Please," Rosalie sniffed. "If we all submitted to your every wish, you'd be a monster."

"She already is!" I distantly heard someone shout from somewhere in the house.

"Emmett! Shut up!" Alice retorted.

"I'll keep that in mind," I said with a laugh.

Alice gasped. "Traitor!"

"I gave you your hour, didn't I?" I teased.

She huffed and grumbled, "I should've asked for two."

"Maybe quit sulking long enough to ask her what you really want," Rosalie suggested.

My gaze flickered between Alice's pouting face and the reflection of Rosalie's amused expression in the mirror.

"There's something else?" I asked.

Alice briefly paused in applying the polish to my toes, eyes becoming unfocused.

A few seconds later, she blinked back into awareness with a huff.

"I take it she says no?" Rosalie asked.

"There was no clear answer," Alice admitted and continued painting my toenails.

"Well? Is someone going to clue me in?"

When Alice finished painting my toes, she capped the bottle and met my gaze, eyes wide and hopeful. "Remember when I proposed that we should go shopping together some time?"

I lifted an eyebrow in question. "Yes?" If I recalled, she'd suggested it after my first trip to Port Angeles with Jessica.

"Well," Alice continued. "I was wondering if you would take me up on that offer next weekend. I was thinking, a trip to Seattle?"

I frowned. "Alice…"

"What's wrong?" she whined. "You promised."

"I know, I recall," I said. "But do you really think that's a smart idea with everything that's going on right now?"

"I've already seen it, down to the last detail," Alice assured me. "Seattle currently has no blind spots in my vision. I was very thorough."

My brow furrowed in concern. "Just how much land have you covered, trying to find the blind spot?"

Alice pursed her lips. "It's only the reservation which has yielded results," she admitted reluctantly. "I've picked through most of Washington. Oregon will be next."

"What?" I gaped. "Washington has a population, of what? Seven million?"

"Close," she chirped. "There's a population of 6,298,816 people. And every single one has been verified. I'm currently looking through every square mileage of Mount Rainier National Park."

My eyes nearly bugged out. "That's insane!"

"Maybe," Alice admitted with a shrug, uncapping the nail polish once more and taking one of my hands in her's. "But it's not nearly as difficult as you'd imagine. Just a little time consuming, and not very efficient. I'm treating it as a static case, rather than an active one; if they're on the move, there's a chance I won't catch them."

I knew their brains were wired differently, but still, this was on a whole other level.

"If you say so," I relented. Is this what the Alice of Breaking Dawn had had to do, to find Nahuel? "And thank you. For looking out for me."

"Anything for our new sister," Alice beamed as she painted my fingernails.

"All done," Rosalie announced as she clipped the last hot roller into place.

"Thanks Rosalie," I said, smiling at her through the mirror.

"So, what will it be?"

I tilted my head in question. "What will what be?"

"Will you go shopping with us in Seattle?" Rosalie asked. "Alice has been looking forward to it for quite some time."

I laughed. "Weren't you the one who told me to not give in to her so easily?"

"Hey, I'm still here," Alice pouted, setting my right hand down, and switching over to my left.

"We must give in occasionally," Rosalie amended. "Otherwise she'll take matters into her own hands."

"Well if it's that serious," I said gravely. "Then yes, I will go shopping with you and Alice."

"Oh my gosh, thank you!" Alice squealed, leaning forward and planting a kiss on my cheek. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh! It'll be so much fun, Isabella, I promise!"

"I'm sure. I look forward to it," I said with a grin.

"I do too!" Alice practically sang and finished painting my fingernails. "Okay, makeup next! Do you have any specific requests?"

I arched an eyebrow. "I actually get a choice?

Alice nodded, face solemn. "Yes, you've proven you have good taste."

"Thanks, I think," I snorted a laugh.

"Trust us, that's a compliment," Rosalie murmured as she gazed at herself in the mirror, slipping her hot rollers out and pinning her curls in place to cool down.

"Alright," I said with a shake of my head, and turned my thoughts to what I wanted my makeup to look like.

Alice's eyes went blank for a moment, and then she blinked back into the present, a perfect smile splitting her face. "I like it!" she decided.

The rest of the hour passed by quicker than I expected.

Rosalie finished styling both hers and my hair, and Alice was careful but brisk with the makeup brushes and tools.

"I'm going to touch up your lipstick later tonight," Alice warned me, as she applied the color to my lips. "Press."

I pressed my lips against the offered tissue to rub off the excess.

"Perfect!" Alice declared.

"Your hair is all done as well," Rosalie said.

"Your dress and heels are on the bed," Alice added as she helped pull me to my feet. "Get dressed and you're free to go!"

"Thank you, both of you," I said, beaming at Rosalie and Alice.

"You can borrow my room for a few minutes while you change," Rosalie offered.

"Thanks!"

And then they both suddenly vanished, the door gently clicking shut behind them.

Alone, I padded across the carpet towards the bed, where my cream-colored dress was neatly draped across the expanse of Rosalie's smoky gray duvet. And folded atop it was a delicate gold chain.

When I lifted it, a small, intricate gold pendant fell and hung from it, appearing to be quite old. I wondered which of the girls it belonged to.

I clasped the necklace around my neck and changed out of my loungewear, shimming into the dress, before bending down to slip on a pair of nude, strappy heels.

From where I stood beside the bed, I could see my full reflection across Rosalie's multiple mirrors.

My hair billowed out in voluminous mahogany curls, framing pink cheeks, dark, glitter-lined eyes, and full red lips. Long, sparkling sleeves rippled loosely down my arms and fixed tight at the wrists, with matching sequined fabric stretched taut across my torso and upper thighs in shimmering, cinched layers.

It felt strange, to think I was beautiful.

Eventually, I ripped my eyes away from my reflection and walked across the room and through the door. I found my rhythm in my new heels as I steadily clicked-clacked across the hall and up the staircase, to the third floor.

When I reached the open door to Edward's bedroom, I paused, quietly observing him.

He stood before the glass wall, hands tucked into his black trousers as he gazed pensively out into the darkening, gloomy forest. In the dim light of his room, his hair glistened like spun copper, and his long-sleeved button-up shirt hugged his broad shoulders and lean frame in the most flattering way.

I admired him for a few moments longer, before calling his name.

"Isabella," Edward turned to me with a sigh of relief on his lips. He marched across the room in quick, long strides, pausing before me and appraising me in a gentle, appreciative manner. But he made no actual mention of my appearance.

I smiled and pushed aside a few of my curls, asking, "How do I look?"

His eyes widened and he appeared almost unsure. But when I continued to wait, an easy smile still on my lips, he finally said, almost breathless, "Gorgeous. You always look gorgeous."

My smile widened, teeth peeking out and eyes crinkling. "I'm happy you think so."

Edward leaned down and pressed a kiss against the corner of my lip, murmuring, "You have no idea."

My stomach broke out into butterflies. "Are you ready to go?"

When Edward distanced his lips from mine, I lifted a hand and pressed my thumb against his lower lip, where a bit of red had transferred.

"I'm ready," he said quietly, catching my hand and pressing a kiss against my palm. "Are you?"

My heart squeezed with a familiar feeling I now recognized. "Yes," I said, before I could say another set of words.

Soon. I would tell him soon.

A/N: Y'all can thank my cousin for this update. She showed up out of nowhere a week ago to spend the holidays at my house, and the boost of serotonin is exactly what I needed to finish this chapter!

I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter and that you're having a happy holiday season! I'll see you again next year! :)