Chapter 5
Edna Winchester stood looking over the chopper that had caught fire the day before. She shook her head and gave a deep sigh as now she had more work to do and she wasn't sure if she could even fix it anymore. She felt rather defeated as she pondered what would be her next course of action. Should she try to fix the chopper and fly it back to base or just scrap it?
Sergeant Rizzo approached. He feared he was about to be written up and demoted as the Colonel informed him that it was Eddy who would decides his fate prior. He meekly smiled, "Captain."
She looked over at the mechanic with the awkward smile.
"I just wanted to say that I'm real sorry about what happened to your bird." he apologized.
"You were trying to fix it?" she asked. "Why did you think you could fix it?
"Well, I didn't think it would be all that much different from a car and all." he started to explain. "I figured I could fix it and get you back in the air, Captain."
She looked upon him and let out a deep exhale. She then insisted, "You are going to help me fix it. We are going to strip it down and rebuild it and I am going to personally train you in aviation mechanics. The time I'm done with you; you will be a first class aviation mechanic."
He nearly shook, "You mean you ain't gonna write me up, files changes against me and have me tossed in the brig?" he asked.
She shook her had an gave a smirk, "Nope! Winchesters are not cruel. We see opportunities and we take them."
Rizzo stood a bit baffled by the statement for he thought Charles was a cruel man. "You do?" he asked.
"We do!" she gave a firm nod. "Now, I want you to take everything off this bird, strip it down and lay out every part, nut and bolt. I'll get on the horn and get the more parts ordered to replace what was burnt." She then patted his shoulder and spoke into his ear, "Don't screw this up. It's your chance to make it right." She walked away from Rizzo who stood with a huge task placed upon his shoulders.
Eddy then walked into the head quarters to have Radar get Tom on the radio so he could have more parts sent out. She found the boy taking down a message and looked rather upset and worried to her.
"Radar," she greeted him.
The boy finished writing down the message. "Just a minute, Captain. I have to get this message to the Colonel and fast."
"Something wrong?" she asked.
"I'll say! Colonel Burns is coming to inspect the camp." he told her worried.
She wondered, "Who is Colonel Burns?" She then followed Radar into the office where she found the senior officers were having a meeting with Colonel Potter. She paused and stared at the face of the Colonel once more as she swore she had seen his face before but could not recall where.
"Colonel!" Radar interrupted the meeting.
"What is it, son?" he asked. He spied Eddy standing behind him. "Captain Winchester." he smiled in a jest.
"I just got a notice. Colonel Burns is coming to the 4077 to inspect the camp." he announced.
Hawkeye came to attention, "You're kidding?"
"No sir." the boy shook his head.
Margaret Houlihan gasped, "Frank is coming here!" She began to nearly panic. "That can't be."
"Easy Major, Captain." Potter soothed his officers. He asked Radar, "When is Burns supposed to come?"
"Tomorrow!" he announced.
Margaret fretted, "I can't be here. I need to leave. Have me transferred, give me leave. Anything Colonel."
"Easy Major." he calmed her. He stated, "We will put Burns in the VIP tent and keep him busy with the inspection. He won't be able to harass you, Major."
B.J. agreed. "We won't let him try anything on you, Margaret."
Charles asked, "Burn is the man I replaced. Correct?"
B.J. nodded, "And he's nuts." His eyes settled on Eddy. "If he finds out about Eddy…" he wasn't sure what Frank would do.
Colonel Potter stated, "He can't do anything to her. She's contract and her uncle is a General. Major Winchester is her brother. I was going to put Eddy in the VIP tent but I don't want to put Burns in the swamp. He's unstable enough as it is."
Eddy asked, "I take it you know, Colonel?"
"I knew who you were when you flew in here." he told her. "Though that fake mustache did throw me for a bit." He came closer to her. "You don't remember me, do you?"
She shook her head. "I don't. But you do look familiar."
"I was the surgeon who operated on you when you were hit with that shrapnel that pierced your lung." he told her. "I also actively worked with your Uncle to get you sent back home and cover your tracks."
Her face softened, "You are the doctor who saved my life? I didn't get to meet the surgeon. Thank you."
"You're welcome, Edna." his hand rested on her shoulder. "I must admit, I never connected your uncle Fred with your brother." He then looked to Charles.
B.J. agreed, "Charles never mentioned he had an uncle who was a top Army Air Corps General."
The Major rolled his eyes, "Uncle Fred and I are not that close."
Eddy smirked, "But Uncle Fred loves you anyways."
Margaret asked, "What do we do about Frank?"
Eddy asked, "Who is this Frank guy?"
Colonel Potter informed, "He was a surgeon here. Your brother replaced him after he went to Tokyo and had a mental break down. He was then promoted to Colonel. He had an affair with Major Houlihan and when she married another man that pushed him over the edge."
Eddy asked, "Frank wants to marry her?"
Margaret huffed, "Frank is already married. He kept leading me on. Telling me that he was going to leave his wife. He never did. I met and then married Donald and Frank broke mentally. I'm not sure what he will do. If he will try to get me back or try to come after me in revenge. I don't know."
Hawkeye assured, "He won't attack you physically, Margaret. He's a wimp that way."
"He could attack me using the inspection. Find things to write me up for." she stated. "He could go after everyone of us and put in a bad review for the whole camp. That could affect us in the long run and our service records."
Eddy asked, "You think I could pass as a Lieutenant Colonel?"
Charles asked suspiciously, "Why do you ask that my dear sister?"
"I figure if you could all pass me off as a higher ranking officer then maybe I can…shall we say…lead…him around a bit. Give him the run around. Keep him focused on me and not the camp." she explained. "Like a decoy."
"A decoy," Charles begin to understand the plan.
B.J. asked, "Do you really want Frank to focus on you, Eddy? You would be impersonating an officer?"
She smiled and then looked at the Colonel, "Can you get my Uncle Fred on the horn?"
"Certainly." he agreed. "Radar…"
"I'm on it!" the boy stated and walked out the door to get the General on the radio.
Margaret asked, "What you got in mind, Eddy?"
"I can be in WAF! I was offered a rank of Lieutenant Colonel and would still be allowed to fly choppers." she stated.
"Why didn't you take it?" Charles asked.
"I get more freedom and money as a contractor." she told him.
Hawkeye stated, "Mustache!"
She tugged at it. "Still won't come off."
Sherman stated. "Let me take a look at that."
She turned to face him as he inspected the fake mustache and adhesive. He concluded, "You will have to let that wear off. Whatever glue was used, it would need to be dissolved to get it off and that would burn the skin."
"The boys switched the glue from the makeup case on me with something from the shop. It's industrial glue." she informed. "They played a joke on me."
B.J. stated, "You would be the only women WAF is a mustache as nice as mine."
Radar walked in, "General Winchester is on the horn, sirs."
"Thank you, son." Sherman stated and picked up the radio. "Fred!" he greeted on first name.
Charles rolled his eyes rather annoyed by how his C.O. and his uncle were first name bases.
"Eddy is here and she wants to talk to you." he handed her the receiver.
"Uncle Fred." she spoke into the hand set.
"How are things, Honey?" he asked.
"Well, the chopper caught fire last night so it will be a while before I can get it fixed. The mechanic here thought he could fix it for me and he didn't realize I had an experimental fuel system in it. So, that's a set back. Tom will need to get me some extra parts I made at the base. But that's not why I am calling. Do you know of a Colonel Frank Burns?"
A heavy sign was heard. "I had him for a physician on my last physical. What a nut. Kept gawking at the nurse trying to get my blood pressure."
"He used to be a surgeon here at the 4077th. He's the doctor that had the mental break down that Charles replaced. He's now coming to do an inspection of the camp. Thing is, he has a history of harassing one of the nurses here and has it out for the camp."
"I can't get him sent someplace else, honey. He's not in the Air Corps." he warned.
"We're Winchesters! We handle these kinds of problems ourselves." she reminded him. "The guys played a joke on me. I got a fake mustache stuck to my face and I have to wait for the glue to wear off. Could be another week I imagine."
General Winchester asked, "How did you manage that?"
"It was supposed to have been a joke. I was going to take it off the moment I saw Charles as a joke. It didn't work out that way. I need to bluff my way around with Burns to keep him from harassing the doctors and nurses here. He will make their lives miserable. They need to worry about the wounded and not Frank Burns. So, I figure I can distract him and keep him busy."
"I see." Fred understood. "I got a report from the Marines. Did you and a Corporal Klinger capture and sniper and hand him over to the Marines?"
"Johnny!" she nodded. "We captured him. Klinger kept him distracted so I could capture him. I think he deserves a medal for that. He did it in a dress and high heels. That was impressive."
Her uncle paused. He had no idea why the Corporal was in a dress and high heels but his niece said she was impressed and that was good enough for him. "I'll put in for a citation for him." he concluded.
"The Bronze Star." she insisted.
"I will." he agreed. "What is your plan to keep Burns distracted so he doesn't bother the camp?"
"Since the mustache is stuck on, I can't take the WAF position. Can you…um…sneak me in?" she winced as she asked.
"You want me to what?" he asked.
"I was never actually declared dead." she replied. "Just reactivate my old file from the Mighty Eight. Send me in as an air medical consultant. Up my rank to Lieutenant Colonel. Send me the insignia to match the rank. I still have your old captain's bars you gave me as a kid. I wear them on my jacket. Pass me off as Lieutenant Colonel Edward Winchester, head of some research department of something like that. This is a special top secret mission to save the MASH 4077th, Uncle Fred." she insisted.
Charles gasped, "They never declared you alter ego dead?"
She shook her head. "Just discharged."
Fred stated, "Put the Colonel on the horn, honey."
She handed the radio hand set to Sherman. "Uncle Fred wants to talk to you."
"Fred!" the Colonel greeted upon taking the radio hand set back.
"I'm going to reactivate her file. Make sure no one exposes her to Burns. If this works, Burns will leave you guys alone for the rest of the war and beyond." he stated. "Do you have an old pair of Lieutenant Colonel pins laying around that she can borrow, Sherman?"
"I can dig my old pins out." he agreed.
"Give her those to wear. This is a top secret mission to help you and your unit. I owe it to you, Sherman. You saved her life back then. We're going to save you and your MASH unit now. I'll get Burn's file and see what else I can do on this end." he told him.
"I appreciate that, General."
"Keep me informed." Fred stated and then disconnected the call.
Sherman placed the handset back with the radio in the bag. He told the officers. "General Winchester has just issued us special orders to assist the MASH 4077th. Edna has been recruited to help us. She will be going as Lieutenant Colonel Edward Winchester. Her cover will be that of a World War Two fighter ace who is here to research medical and aviation for future development. Her real mission is keep Frank Burns occupied so he doesn't have time to harass the camp so we can do our jobs." He then told Eddy, "I'll loan you my old lieutenant colonel pins to wear in place of the captain bars."
"I'll make sure to get them back to you." she promised.
Hawkeye mentioned, "Just like that! She got promoted from Captain to Lieutenant Colonel."
Charles smirked, "But of course, Pierce. She is a Winchester after all."