Chapter 6

Lieutenant Colonel Frank Burns rolled into the MASH 4077 in the jeep driven by an enlisted man. He was decked out in his dress uniform and visor cap and ready for payback as he knew he could easily find many regulation violations to write up. His main target was Hawkeye Pierce and his sidekick, B.J Hunnicutt. Next on his hit list was Corporal Maxwell Klinger for dressing up in such ridiculous outfits. Then Colonel Potter himself and finally Major Margaret Houlihan for breaking his heart and his fragile mind. He climbed out of the jeep upon stopping near H.Q. and rubbed his hands eagerly as his beady eyes became fixed on his task of revenge. All those jokes that Hawkeye played on him was more than enough motive to get right down to business. He marched into the tent ready to start the biased inspection.

Frank found Radar was absent from the clerk's office. He grabbed his note book and scribbled with a pencil. He then marched into Colonel Potter's office only to find Radar was in the office with Colonel Potter and somebody new. A short officer with a funny looking mustache. "Colonel Potter!" Frank sounded.

Colonel Potter had been going over the list of parts that Eddy needed to finish the rebuilding the chopper. He looked up from his desk. "Burns." he soured.

"I'm here for the camp inspection!" he announced. "Who is that?"

Eddy had changed from the leather flight jacket into a set of army issued fatigues as working on the chopper was rather dirty.

Colonel Potter stated, "This is Colonel Winchester."

Frank heard the name before he came to inspect the camp. "That's the man who replaced me? I thought he was a Major."

Eddy looked at Colonel Potter with an expression of annoyance and amusement in one. Frank had mistaken her for Charles and his obvious behavior was most annoying. "I'm Edward Winchester." she told Frank. "I'm Army Air Corps. Major Charles Winchester the Third is my brother. He replaced you."

Franks asked rather demanding. "What is Army Air Corps doing here? This is MY inspection."

Colonel Potter went with the cover story. "Colonel Winchester is here to assess how to improve MEDIVAC to the camps using the choppers. I suggest you don't get in his way, Burns." The Colonel knew how to dangle a carrot before Frank. By telling Frank to not get in Eddy's way the man would certainly get in the way.

Eddy tried to give Frank a benefit of doubt. Maybe Frank was not as bad as his reputation made him out to be. She attempted to be nice to him. "I'm not here for any inspection. I am here on behalf of the Army Air Corps. You are welcome to stay in the V.I.P. tent. I am staying in the swamp currently."

Frank asked bewildered, "You are staying in the swamp voluntarily? With Pierce and Hunnicutt. That place is a mess."

Eddy replied, "I've seen far worse. Also, it helps my assessment if I can talk to the doctors one on one and get an idea of what they need for air medical." She stepped out from behind the desk and walked up to the taller man. She looked up at Frank and spoke directly. "I ask you be a bit more professional in your inspection and not get in the way of my MEDIVAC assessment."

Colonel Potter looked over to Radar who stood watching wide-eyed as Eddy got in Frank's face. The Colonel had to keep himself from chuckling.

"Not get in the way of your assessment? How about you don't get in the way of MY inspection, Colonel." Frank huffed back.

Colonel Potter sounded, "I suggest you watch your step around here, Frank. Colonel Winchester is a fighter ace from the last war. He's got more citations than you ever will have. Including a real purple heart." He tossed in a little red meat for Frank to latch onto as Frank went out of his way to put in for himself to get a purple heart upon receiving a minor cut.

"I got a purple heart too!" he sneered.

Eddy cocked an eye, "We're you wounded in battle?"

"I was!" he huffed crazy eyed. "We were being shelled at the time."

Sherman shook his head, "A finger cut is not what the purple heart is for, Burns. Colonel Winchester here took shrapnel in the chest during a bombing raid. Then landed a crippled bomber and saved the crew. I know. I'm the surgeon who operated on him."

Frank asked befuddled, "How does a fighter ace get on a bomber?"

Edna then indulged the fool in a story. "I was flying a P-51 and lost the tail. So, I had to bail out and on my down, while dodging flak, I saw a bomber get hit beneath me. So, I parachuted into the cockpit through an open hole and took control off the plane. I took the shrapnel hit when I was parachuting from one plane to another." The story was so over the top she though for sure Frank would know it was a joke.

Frank's mouth dropped in shock. "You did!"

Sherman tried to keep a straight face as he knew it was a complete tale. He decided to run with it. "That one earned Colonel Winchester the Silver Star. We put in for the Medal Of Honor but we lost the paper work." Sherman indulged the tale even more and recalled all the citation he had earned over the years of service. Sherman had a purple heart, a silver and bronze star and a number of merit awards. He figured he would use his medals to fool Frank even more during the inspection.

Eddy made up another story. "Politics! They even wanted me to run for office. I had to turn that one down." She then added in truth, "My brother Charles would make a good congressman or senator."

Sherman had to agree. "Indeed he would." He addressed Frank. "You will be set up in the V.I.P. tent. You can thank Colonel Winchester for being so gracious to let you have that tent. Otherwise, I would have to put you in the swamp…with Pierce." He made it sound more like a threat than a compliment.

"I'll take the VIP tent." he agreed not wishing to spend another second in the swamp. He then grabbed his duffle bag and marched out of the office upon saluting erroneously.

Radar stood in amazement. "Wow! You're not afraid of Colonel Burns at all, Colonel Winchester." Radar could never bring himself to call her by name as in his eyes she was an officer who out ranked him.

She asked, "Why would I be afraid of him? He's an idiot."

Colonel Potter warned, "If Frank finds out the truth about you. He will have you arrested and charged. I'm not sure your uncle can get ya out of that. Just be careful around him."

"I understand." she agreed. She cocked her head and looked upon Sherman's face. She wondered, "How come you didn't get upset with me when you figured out who I am?"

Sherman smirked, "You are not the first to do this kind of thing, Eddy."

She gasped, "I'm not!"

"Women have been fighting wars along with men since the beginning of time." he assured her. "My first year into the Calvary. I was a young buck of seventeen years old. My commanding officer was a heck of a horseman. Served the Union Army during the Indian Wars and the Civil War. Rode for the Pony Express at the tender age of twelve. Could ride and shoot straight at the same time. Was as agile on that old horse as a teenager. Was my mentor. Colonel McCloud encouraged me to go to into medicine. Encouraged me to become an officer. The Colonel wasn't very tall. Maybe your height and about your weight. Made a heck of impression on me as a young lad. Turns out, Colonel McCloud was a woman. She died when I was twenty one years old. You remind me of Colonel McCloud, Edna." His soften, "She was a hell of a woman and so are you."

Edna gasped, "Tell me more about Colonel McCloud."

Sherman gave a slight smile, "After we take care of Burns."

Radar adjusted his glasses, "I want to here more about Colonel McCloud too."

"Later son." he assured the young man. "You get on the horn and get those parts for Eddy." He looked to Eddy, "Keep Burns busy but make sure you don't expose yourself. He will have you arrested."

"I'll be careful." she promised. "This is kind of like being in a dogfight." she informed.

Radar asked, "How is keeping Colonel Burns busy and not exposing yourself as a woman like being in a dogfight, Colonel?"

She told him. "To win a dogfight you have to outmaneuver your opponent. You can't panic. You have to keep calm and be ten steps ahead mentally. The reason I was so good at dog fighting is because of Charles. It's like chess. You have to be ten steps ahead of your opponent and Charles taught me from very young age to play chess and play it well. I used that strategy when I was in the air. I'm using it now to keep Burns busy. It's a game of chess." she gave him a smile.

Sherman came up with an idea. "I'll have Charles set up his chess set in the mess tent and start a tournament. Burns isn't very good at chess but he would play if he thought he could win."

Radar asked, "You mean get Colonel Burns into a chess tournament to keep him busy and leave the camp alone."

"Yup." he agreed.

Eddy added, "Make sure we let him win some of the games so he will keep playing."

Sherman nodded, "Bait the hook, let him take the line and sinker."

Eddy grinned, "I'll asked Charles if we can borrow his set."

Meanwhile

Upon emerging from H.Q., Frank made his way to the V.I.P. tent. He grinned happy to not be in the swamp. He was in the Very Important Person's tent and that made him feel very important. He opened the door and stepped inside. He took a deep breath to cleanse his lungs and soak in the atmosphere. He then changed from his dress uniform into a pair of fatigues as he knew he would take his own sweet time to finish the biased inspection. Upon changing he stepped out of the tent and made his way to Margaret's tent. He rapped on the wooden door frame hoping to catch her alone.

Margaret had a sneaking suspicion as to who was knocking. She opened the door and laid eyes on her former lover. "What do you want, Frank?" she asked disappointed.

"Can we talk?" he asked slyly.

"About what?" she squinted for he seemed to eager to see her.

"Please." he begged. "Not out in the open like this."

"Fine." she found herself letting him into her tent once more and she was mentally kicking herself for doing so.

Frank waited for the door to close behind him. His eyes then softened as he begged. "Oh' Margaret. You don't know how hard life has been without you."

"You got a promotion and assigned to Tokyo." she reminded him.

He offered, "I can get you transferred. You can work for me. In Tokyo. Oh' Margaret. I want you back."

"I'm married and so are you, Frank." she reminded him.

He stated, "My wife divorced me. Please Margaret! I need you. I'm a wreck without you."

"I'm married, Frank." she sounded.

He pleaded, "So. He doesn't have to know."

"Get out!" She pointed to the door. "Get out now."

"Oh' Margaret." he began to beg. "I'm a Colonel now. You can work directly for me in my office. That other nurse doesn't mean anything to me."

"Other nurse?! Get out!" she then opened the door behind him. "Now Frank!" she huffed annoyed.

"But Margaret…" he whined.

"Out!" she shouted.

Charles heard Margaret yelling and he walked over to her tent. He stood outside and called. "Is everything okay, Margaret?"

Annoyed by the interruption Frank stepped out of the tent and huffed to Charles. "Everything is fine, Major. I out rank you so do not interrupt us again." he complained much like a child.

Charles squinted most alarmed. "I assure you I was not interrupting. I was merely checking on the welfare of my friend." He then figured, "Colonel Burns, I presume."

"And you are?" Frank huffed as he took out his note book and pencil.

"I'm Major Charles Emerson Winchester the Third." he informed.

"You replaced me!" he figured.

"Indeed." he nodded. He looked to Margaret who had a pleading look for help on her face. "Are you in need of assistance, Major?"

"I could use a cup of coffee." she told him as she stepped out of the tent and closed the door behind her. Charles was a godsend for the Major as his posh upbringing certainly made an impression of Frank who always dreamed of living the life that Charles was blessed with.

Frank stated, "I need to start my inspection."

"By all means." Charles motioned for him to start. He gathered Margaret by the arm much like a gentleman. "Shall we get a cup of coffee at the mess tent, Margaret?"

She gave a wide smile, "That sounds wonderful, Charles." She slipped her arm in his as he led her away from Frank. As they walked away from the sneering Colonel, Margaret whispered, "Thank you for this, Charles. He was trying to get me back."

"Anytime, Margaret. Anytime." he assured her that he would be there for her.