Chapter 11
As Edna walked through the camp, absent the fake mustache, she did draw some attention. Though dressed in pilot's attire she was still very pretty. Corporal Klinger spied her walking towards the mess tent. He heard a rumor that Eddy was going to marry the wounded Major, Tom Hardy. Dressed up much like a nurse from a 1930's movie complete with a cap he dashed to his tent, gathered a wedding dress and then ran over to Edna near the mess tent.
"Colonel." he called. He too had adopted the rank for Eddy.
She paused and looked over at Klinger. She eyed the nurses' outfit. "How do you get these outfits way out here?" she asked him.
"I get the patterns and make them myself." he bragged. "You like?" he asked.
She confessed. "Actually, I do like them. You are a very talented tailor, Klinger."
"Great!" he cheered. "I got just the thing for your wedding…" he started.
She blinked, "My wedding?"
"Your wedding." he insisted. "Rumor has it you and Major Hardy are getting married."
"Why are?" she asked dumbfounded.
"That's what I was told." he informed. "A nurse told me she heard Major Hardy ask Charles for permission and he said yes."
She squinted in disbelief, "He did?"
"Your wedding is the talk of the camp. Igor said he's making the wedding cake." he disclosed. "Anyways, I thought you might like the wedding dress that I made. I can alter it to fit you."
"You made a wedding dress?" she asked in shock.
"I only wore it twice. It's practically brand new." he told her. "I thought you might like it. It's not anyone I would give my wedding dress to."
Dumbfounded she had no idea what else to say. "Sounds good." she replied still unsure about the rumor.
Klinger could not help but ask, "Can I be your Maid of Honor?"
"Sure." she replied wondering if it was another joke. Surely it had to be a joke. Tom didn't ask her to marry him. Must be Charles was now playing the joke on her. She decided to go along with it. "Charles can walk me down the aisle. Colonel Potter can be Tom's best man and Father Mulcahy can do the ceremony."
Klinger replied excited. "We will make this the best MASH wedding a bride could ask for."
"Okay," she chuckled to herself assuming Charles was behind the joke. "See you later." she waved to him.
"I'll start the alterations." Klinger replied excited.
"Great," she laughed.
Then Klinger gave her a salute and quickly returned the dress to his tent.
Soon, Edna made her way to the mess tent, gathered two cups of coffee and a few buttered rolls on a tray and then marched herself back to the swamp to finish her report. As she returned she found Hawkeye and B.J. had also returned to the tent for some needed rest. She greeted the two doctors. "Captains," she gave the pair a smile. She went to Charles' cot. "I got your coffee and roll." she nudged him and then placed the refreshments on the small bedside table he had set.
He smiled, "Excellent my dear." He then sat up relishing in the pampered treatment.
Hawkeye and B.J. both traded glances wondering Charles was up to. They then watched as Edna returned to her work on the typewriter.
B.J. asked, "Didn't Colonel Potter give you the V.I.P. tent, Eddy?"
"He did." she nodded and soured. "But it really smells in there."
"Smells?" asked B.J. unsure what she meant.
Hawkeye defended, "It is the army after all. Everything stinks here."
She shook her head. "I mean it really smells. It smells like Frank Burns. I think he dumped a bottle of his cheap cologne in it."
Hawkeye soured, "That cheap stuff smells bad."
B.J. stated, "It can't be that bad." He rose to his feet and walked towards the door.
"Where you going?" asked Hawkeye.
"To see what's wrong with the V.I.P. tent!" he exclaimed and walked out the door.
Hawkeye noticed Charles didn't seem too concerned as he sipped his coffee and enjoyed his roll. He asked, "You think Frank might have done something to the tent before he left?"
"I don't know and I don't care." he smiled brightly as he realized he was in for some exquisite pampering with his sister feeling safer with him nearby.
He found the reply odd and thought that Charles would certainly want his sister in the V.I.P. tent after Frank left the camp.
Meanwhile, B.J. walked up to the VIP tent and opened the door and stepped inside. He looked around and found the tent seemed to be in order with bare furnishings. Then the smell arose. It was Frank's cologne and it was rather heavy. He sniffed about trying to find the source. He found it was heaviest near the cot. He looked under the cot and found the empty bottle laying there. He picked it up and realized that Frank dumped the whole bottle of cologne in the tent. He found it has soaked into the dirt floor and it would take a few days before the smell would fade. He marched out of the tent with his eyes watering. He returned to the swamp with the bottle and his findings.
"I found it!" he held up the bottle as he walked back inside the Swamp. "Frank must have dumped the whole bottle in there. Soaked right into the dirt. Will take a few days for it to air." He then looked upon Edna. "You're right. It really stinks."
"Well, so does Frank." Hawkeye quipped.
B.J. suggested, "How about you stay with the nurses?"
"I have to write the report for the camp." she reminded him. "It's too crowded and loud in the nurses tent."
He replied, "I'm sure Margaret will let you stay with her."
Charles came to Edna's defense. "Margaret's tent is packed full. She can stay here with us where she is safe and sound."
B.J. and Hawkeye both paused and then looked upon Charles in absolute disbelief. "Charles?" B.J. pressed.
"She is not military. She is a contractor. And, I'm her brother and you both are doctors. There is plenty of room in the swamp and she even has a privacy curtain. She feels safe with us and I, as her older brother, cannot possibly send my little sister to a tent she does fee safe in." he explained.
Edna knew Charles would defend her to no end if she just gave him a little pampering. She smiled knowing she had her brother in her pocket.
Hawkeye stated, "You said you were glad she was going to get the V.I.P. tent."
Charles defended, "That was before I discovered that Colonel Burns contaminated the tent with his cheap ten cent cologne. If he had dumped that bottle on purpose, lord only knows what else he could have done to the tent. Until the tent can be thoroughly aired and inspected, I will not subject my sister to any such hazard."
Eddy added, "I've been here all long, guys. What's another day or two?"
B.J. sighed, "I guess another day or two won't matter." He sat back down on his cot and then stretched out.
Hawkeye agreed, "She's been here all along."
Charles then smiled, "Edna…could you be a dear and bring this letter for Father to Radar and make sure he gets it out in the mail." He held up an envelope.
She gathered the letter and stated, "Sure." She needed to see Radar anyways about the citations. She removed a letter she had just finished typing from the typewriter and then left the tent once again to run the errand. "Be back in a bit." she mentioned on her way out.
After she left the tent Hawkeye gave Charles an expecting look. "I see what you are doing. You got her waiting on you."
He confessed. "When I had my wisdom teeth removed she took care of me the whole week. As I said, she would make a good nurse."
B.J. suggested, "Kind of taking advantage of her, Charles."
"Nonsense." he disagreed. "She takes care of me and I take care of her. She needs me for anything, I will be there like a brother should."
Hawkeye asked, "What does Major Hardy think of her being in the Swamp? He's her fiancé." Hawkeye heard the rumor as well.
Charles asked, "He already asked her? Odd, she didn't say anything to me about it. I didn't see any ring. He merely asked for the families permission and I did give it to him."
"Chatter around camp is they are having the wedding here." Hawkeye stated.
Charles came to attention. "Why was I not notified?"
"Ask Eddy." he suggested.
"How can Edna be planning a wedding without my input or blessing?" he asked baffled.
B.J. suggested, "Maybe she's trying to soften you up by waiting on ya."
His eyes narrowed, "Possibly." He pondered if Edna was planning a wedding without him.