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7
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(To Lock Me Down)
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AN: I don't usually take requests. It's not a hard and fast rule, I just usually have to feel what I'm writing and requests are usually very specific and require a lot of time and energy and frankly... completion... and that's not usually something I can promise. This request did intrigue me and the nice thing is about this one is that it's a one-shot, so I can actually finish it! So Luna Conejo, this one is for you! Side note- usually I come up with the title and the concept kind of either together or the title first and the concept unfolds. This one I had the concept and had been formulating the story but had no title... hopefully that has changed by the time I posted this, lol. If not, I'll take requests! Honestly, I'll still take requests for this short's title. I'll likely be changing it from 'My Everything' to something else but I'm not yet sure what. NVM, I sorted it out a few days later. To Lock Me Down just has so many fun play on words :D
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The bed next to Sebastian was cold. It wasn't cooling down, it was ice cold and it woke Sebastian up enough to grab the blankets tangled around his bare knees and pull them up around him. He was not awake enough to think about why his bed was far colder than it was when he went to bed, just knew that he needed his blankets.
His arm reached out to pull another source of heat closer but encountered nothing but empty air. This woke him up a bit more than the cold on it's own would have.
Five years ago and that wouldn't have phased him in the least. Now it had him whining a little in his sleep and patting the bed trying to figure out why the warm body wasn't within touching distance. He moved inward on the bed and reached further across it. He patted behind him and he could not find the heat source.
It was not totally unusual though and he wrapped the blankets and his arms around himself a bit more, thinking it was later than it was and knowing he would just have to warm himself up until his alarm went off. He was intent on going back to sleep.
Then he heard a strange noise.
Unfortunately, it wasn't entirely unfamiliar and it pulled him from whatever remnants of sleep that were remaining in the wings, ready to enfold him once more.
He was wide awake now and he slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of briefs, his slippers and a robe. He didn't bother with tying the sash, hoping he could direct the noise maker back to bed without much fuss and discard all of excess once more in return for a warm bed.
The noise today was coming from the kitchen and his heart rate ticked up several notches. Last month it came from the den and that was bad enough. Memories of that night propelled him across the floor separating him from the enclosed space. His feet glided to a stop once he wrenched the door open and took in the sight and potential disaster that awaited him.
Not a sharp object was in sight. His breath and his heart beat seemed to pulse as one and with effort his slowed his breath and his heart followed it's pace. It did not however dislodge itself from the base of his throat where it seemed to have found a permanent home these days.
Reassurance that this was not a new phenomenon had never been enough for him. The escalation from the stories to what usually presented itself on these nights only served to alarm him more. The rare moments when he allowed himself to forget or put it out of his mind always seemed to return to him with a vengeance.
He had been sleeping, a deep sleep that he had denied himself for months now, for this exact reason. He'd been dead to the world and unaware of what was happening just beyond his reach. If the night hadn't gotten so cold, he might have slept through it all. The kitchen was just far enough away and sound did not carry well from it to the bedroom. If he hadn't woken up, he wouldn't have heard the noise, which had to be extremely loud for it to reach him even then. It had been a curious sound and he looked around for what could have been the culprit.
A tray of burnt cookies was answer enough as the tray lay abandoned with cookies littering the surface, the open oven door and the floor haphazardly.
The oven was on.
Sebastian moved quickly, grabbing the hand towel and moving the tray and cookies out of the way before closing the oven door. He would much rather suffer the wrath of damaging the hand towel than the alternative. He reached across and turned off the oven. He noticed that the stove was on too and there was a sauce pan with some kind of liquid in it being heated up. He turned off the burners as well.
He looked down at the abandoned cookies on the floor again and concern flooded his veins as he moved toward the maker of the mess. He tossed the hand towel onto the countertop next to the mess that was being created there too. A hand reached out and moved the towel out of the way automatically and Sebastian worried that the ruined towel would be too hot for the bare hand and he caught the wrist before the hand could wrap around it. He tugged the wrist and the connecting body towards himself.
He turned the hand over within his own and gently ran his thumbs down the palm, looking for any burns. It looked pristine and untouched. He reached for the other arm and guided it forward for an inspection as well. This one looked a little redder in spots but not as if burned, rather like it was holding on too tightly to something.
Sebastian held the hands even as they attempted to pull away and go back to whatever the plan was. He instead guided the owner over to the small seating area, away from everything else going on in the kitchen. After helping him sit and making sure that he wasn't getting up again, Sebastian turned and surveyed the disaster in front of him.
He didn't understand how those hand could manage some things so easily and yet also completely miss the mark. There was flour half in and out of the bowl. There was a perfectly measured cup of milk in a measuring cup waiting to be added and it didn't look like a drop was spilled. The brown sugar was compacted and dropped into the mixing bowl in ideal formation and all of it was inside the bowl.
"Kurt, you've really done a number this time." Sebastian shook his head and looked back to where he stationed Kurt to find him missing. It wasn't a big kitchen but there were a few ways out of it. Sebastian was blocking the door he'd come through. So there were two other options for Kurt to have gone through. Sebastian went for the more dangerous option of the two for Kurt in this state first. He'd chosen correctly as he followed Kurt into the miniature greenhouse. Beyond it, there was a patio that had safety precautions that were meant to keep drunks from falling off of it by accident but who knew what Kurt would manage to do like this.
He caught Kurt's elbow and turned him around, guiding him back to the main house as if that were his plan all along. He brought Kurt back into the kitchen and debated about whether or not to clean it up. Kurt made the mess and disrupted his sleep, he was very tempted to just tell Kurt off and let him do it all in the morning. He made it, he could clean it up.
That would only serve to further hurt Kurt though. He wanted to punish him for putting him through this torture but he didn't want to hurt him and he definitely didn't want to exacerbate this condition by putting more stress and strain on Kurt. It would only backfire and cause more issues for Sebastian.
Sebastian was just deciding what to start with when Kurt's arms wrapped around him in a hug. More weight sagged onto Sebastian's back and he changed his mind. This was often a sigh that things were going to change and he wanted to get Kurt back to their room before it shifted again. He peeled Kurt's arms away carefully and moved to help walk Kurt back to the bedroom.
He sat Kurt down onto the edge of the bed before going to the door and locking it from the inside with one of the keys that laid in his drawer. They hadn't had to go to this extreme yet, but it was definitely something they'd have to consider in earnest from now on. He went to the bathroom and came back and gently wiped down Kurt's limbs and chest, thighs and face, or really anywhere that got flour on it. It may have been easier to just put Kurt in the shower but it was also more dangerous.
Sebastian swallowed hard as he cleaned another part of Kurt up. He could have so easily hurt himself seriously in so many ways tonight. Kurt also slept in the nude and hadn't put anything on before he ventured off to the kitchen.
He pulled the blanket off of the bed and wrapped Kurt up in it and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before he walked out of the room and locked the door from the outside. It was a precaution they'd discussed but had never had to enforce until now. He made quick work of the kitchen then tossed the soiled hand towel and returned to Kurt.
Kurt for his part was blissfully asleep in the bed once more. Sebastian was tempted to join him as yawns kept breaking out over his face but he finished up by taking a shower and drying off before finally returning to the bed.
He settled in and wrapped his arms around Kurt, holding him close. Pressed his face into the space between shoulder and hair and just let himself float off with the reassuring smell of Kurt all around him. He didn't need a blanket to stay warm when they were like this. His muscles relaxed and his mind eased knowing that the doors and windows around them would remain locked and in place. He wouldn't have to concern himself to a repeat of tonight and there was no possibility of what happened a month ago happening again. Kurt didn't wander off twice in one night and the key to the door was out of Kurt's grasp.
Sleep had barely laid claim to him when a new, dreaded sound broke his slumber, on repeat. He groaned and reached across to slam his hand down on it or send it flying across the room to smash it into smithereens, whichever.
Smooth skin slid across his and a firm but gentle grip caught his wrist before he could find his target. It was the same every morning and this was so engrained into their routine they didn't even need to be awake for it. "Sebastian, no." Kurt murmured with a soft chuckle. "I've got it." He reached out, letting go of Sebastian to turn off the alarm clock.
"It wouldn't be so bad if it were music." Sebastian groaned into Kurt's shoulder.
"If it were music, I'd be singing along." They'd had this conversation too. "Or would fall back asleep."
"Either of those are better options. Call off today."
"I can't." Kurt turned in his arms and gave another small laugh. "How'd I end up with all the blankets? You must be freezing." It'd happened before but Sebastian was usually one to fight back while they slept to have equal amount of coverage. "I don't remember doing this when I was younger too often."
Sebastian didn't answer, just tried to scoot in closer and lock Kurt in his arms so they'd both go back to sleep. His nose nuzzled along Kurt's jaw and pressed small kisses. It had been a long sleep deprived night. Even if Kurt didn't agree to stay home today, Sebastian would and catch up on those missing hours of rest. He already knew Kurt's response, it was part of the reason for the sleepless night.
"Babe, I have to get up, it's a crazy day."
"It's been a crazy week." Sebastian complained.
"I know, but it's almost over." Kurt struggled to get his arms free of the blanket and Sebastian's hold and ran his fingers through Sebastian's hair. "Are you feeling ok? Your hair is damp."
"I took a shower." Sebastian tried to evade the topic, Kurt didn't need the added stress. He involuntarily shivered at the idea of more stress falling onto Kurt's shoulders and what he'd do. There was one sure-fire way to relax Kurt and get his mind off of it. He'd thought it worked last night too, but he'd underestimated Kurt's stress levels. He was too good at hiding the bulk of it, some of it got through as nervous energy but he never melted down. Maybe a Santana style meltdown once in awhile would be good for him. He would like to avoid the Quinn-style if possible though. Quinn always looked put together until her stress got too much for her and then she would blow up her life and basically start over again. The only thing she kept consistent were her 'sisters'.
It had taken awhile for Sebastian to see it but Kurt presented like Brittany in a lot of ways and Quinn in others, and internally was like Santana. It made it hard for others to help him because except for the latter end of it, people didn't know that he needed help when it was too late and it would have been more beneficial earlier on.
The 'unholy' trio had helped him see his own husband a lot clearer the longer they were all around together. It was not rocket science to see how Kurt fit in with them so well. It was easy to see how Sebastian had slid in so easily into the fold too. The girls were all very different from each other but both he and Kurt had some overlap of all three and each other while still being unique in their own rights.
He'd been thankful for their insights when Kurt presented with his unusual behavior for the first time one night that he'd slept over while they'd been dating. They had seemed attuned to Kurt's moods and were ready to guide him back to safety with seemingly no effort. In the morning, they hadn't said a word to Kurt about his night time activities. When Sebastian opened his mouth to ask, the combined weight of their glare had him pause long enough to wait until Kurt saw him out the door and he could meet up with them in private.
They'd explained that Kurt was aware that he used to have night terrors and would sleep walk. He thought that they had ended once he'd joined the Cheerios in high school. They really hadn't ended until he had made a final decision if he was a Cheerio or a Glee kid. It was true that the night terrors had basically ended, with maybe one or two slipping out on rare occasion. The sleepwalking had mainly subsided unless he had a really stressful time or a big decision in front of him. He and the trio had decided on being Cheerios and that burden had been lifted and he'd been free of sleepwalking until junior year when he had to decide on a career path and applying to schools.
Apparently the choir team vs cheerleading had been a bigger decision than Sebastian had understood. It hadn't been a choice in activities, it had been a choice between the first place Kurt had been included vs safety (and in time a friendship circle that turned into a family). Kurt had chosen the safe option, ironically being a gay boy on a cheerleading team was safer than being a gayboy in a choir at that school. Kurt had not chosen the Cheerios for that reason alone, it had been a selfish and prudent choice but he'd included the trio in his decision and negotiations with the coach. They still got to sing as part of the agreement and had more solos while cheering than they had on the 'inclusive' choir team. That choir team disintegrated the first year it was formed and their teacher apparently went off to become an accountant and was raising Quinn's baby while thinking it was his own. Quinn had told him that one night while in a drunken ramble. It had been the only time it was brought up.
They all had things that the others knew about but they didn't talk about, Sebastian included. He really wanted to dig to the bottom of this though but the others convinced him not to. Even now, years later, they barely talked about it other than to discuss precautions when it was no longer avoidable last month and Sebastian had to admit to Kurt that he'd been sleepwalking. Kurt said he wanted to know when it happened, but the others' advice, including Kurt's father's, held sway over Kurt's own wishes in Sebastian's mind. He knew better but a part of him wouldn't unlock that door for Kurt and he didn't know why. Logically it would make more sense to just tell Kurt. While he was a logical soul, sometimes human nature won out and he bowed to the majority.
If he could see outside himself, he'd know that he was choosing wrong. He was just too wrapped up in it but he was starting to see the gaps with the light peeking through. He just had to tug on the edges.
It was funny to think that he'd been in Lima often in high school picking up college boys at both the Lima Bean and Scandals and yet it wasn't until they were all at the Columbus airport that they'd met. In some ways he was still picking up college boys but this time he was a college kid too and it was kind of the other way around.
They were heading back for their sophomore year and he was not a stranger to New York, but it would be the first year he lived out there.
Kurt had already started on the path of becoming a big deal, with an internship to Vogue under his belt and was now a part time employee. His responsibilities certainly seemed like a full time salaried employee even back then.
He'd been on the phone with one of those annoying ear pieces in and a microphone attached to a cord that attached to the phone while he typed furiously into it. He was so involved in his conversation that he had missed the antics of his 'sisters'.
They'd spotted Sebastian nearly instantly and had nudged Kurt with their elbows but he'd ignored them, got up and walked away to focus on his phone call. Sebastian had seen the trio all trying to catch his attention but he had missed the guy in the corner that had originally been with them. He was kind of hiding in the shadows and behind a potted plant.
Santana and Brittany were definitely together at that point but they were aiming on hooking Quinn up with a hot guy and Santana just liked to mess with hot people, see if she could trip them up. When it was clear that Sebastian wasn't interested in Quinn, she'd tried her hand and when that failed, she'd turned on the sash and tried to get him to blush and then to try and get him angry.
He'd cut her to the quick with his wit and charm and he had been in the middle of a third fun return when Kurt turned away from the corner of the room and into the window's light. His breath had caught and his words died off and to this day he wished he'd finished the barb, it had been one of his best. Santana had caught on quick, her head whipping over to see her friend bathed in sunlight and a smirk crossed her lips. "I can introduce the two of you."
"Not my type." And he hadn't been, Sebastian had gone after jocks and preppy boys until then. Even when he dated younger, they were all a certain style of guy. It wasn't fair to say that Kurt was too 'feminine' for his usual type, but he was definitely 'softer'.
Kurt was strong, he had years of cheerleading and dancing under his belt, he was tough emotionally after years of bullying and living in New York for even a year had toughened him up even more in a lot of ways but yet he wasn't hard or cruel, he still had so many emotions and was one of the most compassionate and caring people on the planet while still having a logical and good head on his shoulders and a bite in his words when needed. He was just literally softer, his skin was so smooth and supple and he took good care of it.
The clothes he was wearing that day had been an indicator of who Kurt was and the wardrobe he'd have at home. He had actually underestimated the vast array of clothing. Not all of the pieces were soft as many had hard edges and points, literally.
"Why?" Santana had wheedled, looking over Sebastian with genuine curiosity and Sebastian recognized it now as a bit of animosity for finding her friend lacking in any way. She knew what Sebastian had yet to discover, or so she thought. He could recognize that Kurt was a complete package and Sebastian had been afraid that he wouldn't measure up.
"He's a lot." Sebastian had said without qualifying his words with his thoughts around it.
"Yeah, he's very high maintenance." For some reason Sebastian's words caused Santana to laugh and she was finished with him. "Too much for you. He deserves only the best in return."
Her words sparked something in him. He was a catch in his own right, had never had anyone really tell him to get lost. He had a lot to offer and if he wasn't good enough for her friend, then he would be.
"Are you still here? Get lost." She hissed at him, even as Kurt started walking back over. His head was bowed as he looked at his phone and Sebastian wanted to grab it out of his hands and make him look at Sebastian in return. The others looked somewhat surprised by Santana's words but didn't contradict her harshness or sentiment.
"Hey- oh, hold on." Kurt said while approaching the girls and all of them looked at him, trying to figure out who he was talking to and when. He was involved in his phone again so they went back to trying to remove Sebastian from their presence before Kurt was aware of it. Sebastian for his part was even more motivated than before. That voice was truly unique and again, it was softer than what he usually went for.
Usually went for went out the door then and there. Kurt finished with his task and then looked up to talk to the girls and his eyes locked onto Sebastian. His pupils dilated in a very telling look even as they scanned obviously over Sebastian's body and the start of a flirty smile flickered along the edge of his bottom lip. Then his phone did something and he looked away from Sebastian, seemingly uninterested and walked away to take care of that call. Sebastian thought that would be the end but Kurt looked back over toward him again and a knowing look crossed both of their faces as they flirted the only way they could with such distance and public space between them.
Oh yeah, they were both interested in pursuing something with the other. He missed Santana's own knowing smirk and her putting her head back in with the other girls so they could gossip and plot together.
Surprisingly, Kurt had never had a sleepwalking issue when it came to the decision on whether or not to get together with Sebastian. That had been an easy decision for him and hadn't preyed on his mind while awake or asleep, it had always been good and easy between them in that way. Even when it came time to decide whether or not they should get married, it hadn't caused unwanted nighttime activities.
Other things had caused it during the years they were together, but it wasn't often and only once had it to do with Sebastian himself. Sebastian and Kurt had nearly broken up during one of their fights and it was only after a week of Sebastian staying over and things getting better between them that the sleepwalking ended that time. It hadn't been guilt keeping Sebastian there, he hadn't wanted to be anywhere else and it was hard to see that he'd been the cause of one of the rounds. Strangely though, it's what convinced Sebastian that he wanted to marry Kurt rather than just go the route of unwed partnership. The reason was entirely self-serving for Sebastian, it has shown him just how much Kurt cared about him and while it was obtuse, it was a really big ego boost.
Kurt was good about showing it and saying it but Sebastian hadn't quite believed it until then. He didn't want to cause it to happen again, but he was glad he saw it and was able to put it together. Until then, he wanted to give Kurt an easy out if he ever changed his mind, and he could fool himself that he wasn't all in. Marriage was basically a symbol but it was also more than that for him, it was a level of commitment that he didn't think he'd have ever participated in.
For some people marriage was like a job, something they went into easily and while it was harder to get out of, would do so and then move onto another job until they got bored of it. For him, marriage was a step that was bigger than anything else he could do. He would fight to keep it going until the very end and if it still ended by choice, then he would know it wasn't because he hadn't wanted it to continue, that it wasn't him that ended it. There was no way he'd be able to go through it a second time. Kurt was very like minded, if he went through with something as expensive and important as a wedding when they didn't have to, to stay together, then he wasn't going to leave it lightly or willingly. He would only go into it if he was sure and they'd both been sure.
Three years on and they were still sure.
While nothing was really different being married compared to just living with each other in a committed relationship, there was an additional reassurance. For others it wouldn't mean anything but for them it meant so much and because of that, it meant the world. It gave them an additional sense of security and license and confidence and really, it was just everything even if it wasn't a conscious thing, it was there in the back of their mind and in everything they did and how they viewed the world. They were in it together for life, they knew they had each other's backs and would fight in their corner and could tap out and let the other take over or fight along side them. That knowledge could drive them so much further than they would on their own.
It had to be an even more pressing project on Kurt's shoulders than Sebastian had even realized the night before because Kurt chose the project over staying longer in bed with Sebastian. It didn't hurt, it just made the stone in Sebastian's stomach for Kurt's mental health grow. It only made Sebastian even more concerned for Kurt. It hadn't been about sex, it had been about helping Kurt out and Kurt declining the offer was more telling than anything else.
"Mmm." Kurt pressed a kiss to Sebastian's lips. "I need to shower and head to work. Once this project is over, then you'll have as much of me as you want."
"That's a promise you can't keep." Sebastian countered. "I can never get as much as you as I want, it's just not possible to have all of you all the time."
"All right, then you'll get as much of me as it's possible to have for the duration between projects. I'll even take some time off afterward to allow you even more extended access."
Sebastian laughed. "That sounds as beautiful as you." He laid casually back against the headboard, his arms behind his head and watched Kurt move around the room gathering up clothes and intending to head to the bathroom. It was only as Kurt's hand wrapped around the knob that Sebastian remembered that the door was locked and Kurt discovered that at the same time. Kurt turned to Sebastian who was already coming across the room with a produced key to unlock it. "Sorry, I forgot I did that after my shower last night."
"You've never locked the door before." Neither of them had, but Kurt wasn't supposed to know where the keys were. He could obviously figure it out pretty quickly but it was different than knowing. In his sleep he would just go to the location, pick up the key and unlock the doors if he knew. It was because of their trust in each other that he was ok with someone having the ability to lock him in. It was not something he'd have given anyone the ability to do save for his dad, not even the trio even though he did trust them pretty deeply but not fully, none of them. The only two people he'd ever trusted that much was Sebastian and his dad and that's probably where the list would always end. For Sebastian, the list only had Kurt on it. In the past he would play with the idea with guys but he'd always have an out if they ever role played. There were still spare keys around here but Sebastian would be ok if there hadn't been as long as Kurt was the one who held the key while awake.
"Yeah." Sebastian left it at that and Kurt gave him a long measuring look, trying to sort it out beyond the obvious. His eyes looked troubled but he only nodded, unlocked the door and left it open while he headed in to take care of his morning needs.
Sebastian headed over to the main door and unlocked that one as well before replacing the keys. He knew the conversation wasn't over, Kurt just had more pressing things he had to deal with first.
It was late when Kurt returned home that night but instead of just sinking into the couch with Sebastian or going to bed, he slumped over the kitchen counter and looked across it to Sebastian. "How bad was it?" He hadn't even given a proper greeting, just getting right into it. Sebastian would normally tease him or take care of the greeting himself, but he knew this had been weighing on Kurt all day. "I looked myself over but there weren't any injuries."
"It wasn't as bad as you're fearing." Sebastian tried to sidestep and ease Kurt's mind.
"You locked doors in our bedroom, Sebastian, it had to be bad enough. Where was I this time?" Sebastian gave it away with a small gesture that he tried to stop but Kurt caught it before he could. "Here? What did I do?"
Sebastian hesitated, the old advice pressing up against him, Kurt couldn't know the extent, shouldn't know, it would just make things worse. Kurt pressed and since it was his husband asking and it was them against everything and everyone else, no matter how close or deeply loved, he gave in and went over the things he'd walked in on.
"Oh my god, Sebastian, this has gotten way out of hand. I could have killed both of us!" Sebastian hadn't really thought about that until Kurt pointed it out just then.
"It wasn't that bad."
"I could have blown us up or burnt the place down and never have known it." Kurt argued back, insisting that it was far worse than Sebastian was copping up to. "It was one thing when it was just myself that got hurt but this could have taken you down too while you were asleep and blissfully unaware of what I was up to."
"It was not ok that you hurt yourself." Sebastian snapped back instantly but Kurt had continued talking over him. "Nothing happened." He kept that line.
"But it could have." Kurt shook his head, utterly appalled by his own behavior that he had no control over. "This is insane and it has to stop. I should be locked up for everyone's safety."
"No." That was the last thing Sebastian wanted. "No, we just take further precautions while you're stressed this time and then the next time you feel yourself getting stressed you share it with the group before it manifests in this way and we take the same precautions then too. If you're just in our bedroom, you can't hurt yourself too much."
"I could still hurt you and myself." Kurt shook his head. "We should sleep in different rooms, you should lock me up in a room with only a bed and then release me in the morning when I'm properly awake."
That would probably result in him walking into a wall or something over and over again. Sebastian disagreed with the plan. "No, honey, you're not trying to hurt anyone, you're just manifesting your anxiety through activities that are usually calming to you. You were baking, you were trying to alleviate your stress in your dreams and your body just continued the actions."
"Which probably exhausted me more so and causing more stress and anxiety today which means a worse reaction tonight." That was definitely possible, except Sebastian hadn't seen Kurt sleep walk the night prior.
"I'll be on guard tonight. I've gotten plenty of rest today."
"That's too much-"
"No, it's not. I protect and care for you just like you do the same for me."
"Exactly, let me protect the both of us by going into an insane asylum." Kurt buried his head in hands. "Dad should have had me locked up years ago in a padded cell and a straight jacket."
"You're tired and speaking nonsense." Sebastian tried to soothe. "You've had what- eight instances in five years? It's nothing crazy and it's only a night or two at most usually." Except for the week long one that Sebastian didn't want to bring up.
Kurt raised his head and scowled at Sebastian who had been moving closer to him. Sebastian paused, wondering what that was about and what he'd done to deserve that look. "Right, the 8 times that you and the girls have told me about because I caught on. How many more times have I missed out on, Bas? How many?"
Sebastian sighed, he'd been forthright with Kurt tonight so far, he might as well go all the way. "Twenty more times that I'm aware of since we've gotten together."
"So... oh wow." Kurt groaned and Sebastian swore he saw a sheen enter Kurt's eyes and well up along the bottom lid. He did not handle Kurt crying well in the past, but it hadn't been often and usually he welled up with happy tears and those were a lot easier to deal with and were welcomed. This was distress and sadness and fear motivating these tears. He had a lot of control though and he forced them down like most of his emotions he deemed unacceptable or unwanted. He wasn't afraid to share emotions, but only the ones he wanted to express. Rarely other ones came to the surface and he was only able to do so either because he was at the end of his rope or because he felt comfortable to do so with Sebastian. Even then though there were emotions he didn't want to have and so he tried to pretend they didn't exist. It had nothing to do with sharing them with Sebastian, he just didn't want to admit to himself he had them.
"Are you ok?" Sebastian asked when Kurt didn't say or do anything for a long time. He reached out and placed a hand reassuringly on the center of Kurt's back.
"The girls have a lot to answer for." Kurt finally said, surprising Sebastian.
"Don't be too hard on them, they've always protected you and they only did what they thought was best."
"By keeping my deficiency from me?"
"It's not and would knowing have made your life easier? Would you have chosen the less stressful options?"
"No." Kurt answered moodily. "Knowing would probably have made things worse."
"Did I make a mistake in telling you?" Sebastian asked, not reassured at all by Kurt's words.
"No, I asked and I'm glad you told me." Kurt sighed and turned into Sebastian's chest, wrapping his arms around Sebastian. "I needed to know."
Sebastian wrapped his arms around Kurt in return and rested his cheek on top of Kurt's head. "What now?"
"Now, I guess we try to unwind and put this behind us, take all the precautions because who knows what my unconscious brain will be able to do tonight and tomorrow I will call around to see if I can be seen and talk to someone about this. Have I been having night terrors too?"
"No, I have only seen one in the last five years." Sebastian answered honestly. "And that was only after we went to your class reunion." Sebastian hadn't pressed then either, too terrified by Kurt's terror to think rationally enough to ask.
"I had a lot of bullies before I joined the Cheerios and gained their protection and the coaches'." Kurt answered his unasked question, reading it on him easily and not normally actively keeping things from Sebastian, especially if he was asking. "It had caused some lasting wounds despite healing over, there's still some scar tissue, but not as sensitive as it once was or could be."
"Please don't have yourself committed."
"I won't." Kurt promised. "I'll let a professional make that decision." Sebastian rolled his eyes but accepted Kurt's words.
"I'll go with you too if you want."
"Only if they think it's necessary. It's not you, it's me. I've had them since a child." Kurt was trying to reassure.
"I can still be there for support or get tips on how best to help you." Sebastian tightened his arms around Kurt. He didn't have to go through this alone, he would never have to go through things alone again.
Kurt nodded against his chest and they just stayed like that for a long time. It was comfortable and needed for both of them. It was only when Sebastian felt Kurt yawn did he suggest moving to the bedroom. All the doors locked and the keys hidden, they went to bed.
Sebastian woke to Kurt in his closet, wearing nothing but a tie looped lightly around his neck. Kurt's hands were attempting to tie it into a standard knot but he wasn't doing well because one of the ends was still attached to the hook. Sebastian bolted out of bed before Kurt could strangle himself with it. Kurt was now trying to get ready for the day while still asleep. Part of Sebastian was curious to see what outfit he'd put together in his sleep and if the layers would even be put on correctly. The greater part just wanted to make sure Kurt remained safe. He loosened the tie before shoving it back into the closet and then wedging a chair underneath the handle. Who knew a closet could be so dangerous? Although Kurt's might be even more dangerous than most when it came to the clothes that resided in there.
Sebastian had to guide Kurt back to the bed five times that night before it finally stuck and they got through the night without incident. In the morning, Sebastian was awake first and he unlocked the doors before pulling on his robe and heading to the kitchen to make them coffee. His sleep was all out of whack right now but it was worth it to keep Kurt safe.
Kurt was always an early riser, no matter whether he had work or not in the morning, and he always seemed to have something to work on, even while on vacation or at home sick. Kurt joined him in the kitchen before the coffee was even finished brewing and he wrapped his arms around Sebastian from behind in greeting. His hands slipping playfully into the pockets of Sebastian's robes but he pulled them out nearly immediately afterward. "Oh, ew, Sebastian, what-." His hands came out covered in powder.
Sebastian hadn't even noticed, hadn't even thought to check or to wash the robe after the night before. Sebastian laughed a bit and turned around to face Kurt, dipping his hands into his pockets himself before placing them on Kurt's cheeks, leaving a powder residue of his hand prints there. "That's your own fault, actually." He pressed his mouth over Kurt's. "I'll wash it today."
"No, I'll wash it when I get back. Knowing you, you'll keep the flour in there and just toss the whole thing into the wash and everything will get jammed up and gunky and then will need a repair man to come out and fix it."
"Nah, you'd just fix it, you're quite the handyman around here." Kurt had fixed quite a few mechanical issues and his skills had extended beyond the cars his dad had taught him about. His dad had been the one to fix things up around the house and taught him those skills too, and not because it was manly but because they both knew that you could be on your own quite suddenly and would need those skills. The Hummel household had come from a long line of members who had been able to get by comfortably financially as long as they took on the bulk of projects themselves rather than hire it out. With very few exceptions, that held true through this most recent generation.
Sebastian had seen the value in that but he was used to his time being more valuable working on other things, things that had money coming in rather than saving what he already had. For him it had always been more cost effective to just hire it done but he also had a lot more time on his hands as most of his projects just ran by themselves now and generated funds without much more than a period check on them. He had time to learn those skills now and save Kurt from having to do them on top of his other back-breaking work, knowing Kurt would never let him just hire out the tasks. Although, Sebastian may just end up costing them more if he were to mess it up and someone would have to come in and undo it, just as Kurt was predicting now.
Sebastian sighed, he was skillful in so many ways and he knew he could lessen Kurt's load, he just didn't know how yet. He had a lot he could contribute, but nothing that Kurt really needed although he said he'd appreciated whatever Sebastian did and saw the value in his actions and abilities. He never asked Sebastian to take anything on, just not to make an additional mess for him to have to clean up.
Sebastian had tried to take over cooking duties but Kurt found cooking a stress relief, as the other night had reinforced. He tried to take over cleaning but Kurt liked to clean and Sebastian did not, though he obviously could. He could have just hired someone to clean up the mess but he did it himself for Kurt's sake and preferences.
Kurt did accept the driver and towncar, especially when Sebastian managed to convince Kurt to move out of the City. Sebastian had wanted more open spaces and fresh air. He had always had a bit more privacy than New York had to offer. Kurt had resisted at first, knowing the commute would be longer and wanting to be closer to work for emergencies- there were always emergencies but he had fallen in love with the house while he was humoring Sebastian's desire to move. He still spent 90% of his life in his beloved City and even had an apartment next to work for really late nights. Sebastian's driver would usually come around and pick Sebastian up those days when it was obviously heading that way. The drivers would be allowed to go home after that.
The apartment in town was just a hole in the wall basically, a bed, shower and tiny kitchen. It wasn't meant for staying in permanently, just crashing for the night. He didn't even have clothes there, just a stash of coffee and disposable to-go cups. He would just borrow something from work for the next day, win-win in that way or Sebastian would bring something and then bring it home again along with the day old outfit.
Kurt didn't need him to contribute in those ways, just wanted to share companionship and love and be there for each other. Kurt was self-efficient and reliant but in a weird way, the sleepwalking made Sebastian feel needed for more than just the emotional support. He could do something and be there for Kurt in a physical, tangible way that had clear visible solutions. He didn't want the night time activities to continue but in a way he'd also miss being useful.
Kurt had to leave soon after but they did manage to get in a shared shower and happy ending for each. Kurt came home with three proposals for his mental state and a completed project with good results. Both were steps in the right direction, he'd have more time for himself, for his mental health and for Sebastian moving forward, for at least a few weeks.
Not all projects were that intense or stressful, it was just a really big one and Kurt could handle a lot of stress before it manifested in the sleepwalking. Even this time it only lasted two nights and only toward the end of the project when it was at its most intense.
For the next three months, Kurt went to each of the therapists he'd found of good reputation and each one had more and more questionable ideas on how to deal with the sleepwalking. One even suggested electro-therapy and Sebastian didn't even have to step in because Kurt was already giving a firm no and walking out. Then when Kurt was seriously thinking about another extreme therapy option, someone suggested getting a dog.
Sebastian wasn't so sure, that just seemed like more work and stress on Kurt's plate. Still, it was worth the attempt rather than the medications that the latest therapist wanted to start Kurt on. There were too many side-effects that Sebastian didn't like in the pills description and Kurt was incredibly healthy, they didn't need to start down that road of pills to counteract other pills' side effects and form an incredibly long list of medication that you might not be able to come back from or end swiftly and safely. He agreed with medication when necessary, of course he did. Burt had a gambit of pills he took but it kept him healthy and with them and Sebastian had happily run out to get him more during visits in the past.
So they found a place that would let you trial a therapy dog and if it worked, you could adopt that dog. They wouldn't really know if the dog was helpful until the next big stressor at work and it was never obvious when that was going to come around.
The dog in conjunction with a new therapist was their latest treatment plan. The therapist suggested what both knew was a big component, Kurt discussing his stress before it got to the point of overwhelming him in his sleep.
Kurt said he would try but he admitted that even he didn't always know he was getting to that point until it was upon him. The therapist suggested shifting the burdens of tasks outside of work onto Sebastian during those very stressful occasions and he would have to be ok with letting them go. Kurt had no doubts that Sebastian could handle it and knew it would be in a different way than he would have and that too was ok. He just had a hard time not doing everything himself and if he really found it relaxing he wouldn't be trying to get it done in his sleep because there was no other time in the day for it.
It all made sense in theory, it would be putting into action that would be the ultimate test. The dog was actually the key. It sensed the stress in Kurt long before he was aware of it himself and would lay on Kurt's chest or barking at him in a particular way or head butting him to let him know that not all was ok with Kurt. Sebastian picked up on the dog's behavior as well and knew when to start literally taking projects out of Kurt's hands to allow him more freedom to focus on what he needed to and not the distractions. Or it would tell Sebastian that Kurt needed a distraction and to get his mind off of what was bothering him at work, he needed a break.
After about a month, someone asked if they were going to return the dog. They both resoundingly said no and put in paperwork to adopt the dog. Sebastian would take care of all the vet visits and shopping for dog food and yard work cleaning up after it.
A year later and Kurt had only had one more sleepwalking incident and the dog corralled Kurt to a safe space and made sure to wake Sebastian up who could then help Kurt back to bed. The dog acted as another safety alarm bell as well as an emotional support animal and protector. Sebastian would have happily gotten a dozen more to surround Kurt with if it would help but Kurt was doing well with just one and the dog grew into not just a working dog but a family dog as well but always knew what it's main duty was, the same as Sebastian's, be there for Kurt who did so much and was always there for them.