Stats
Ranks:
Kris: *Outlaw Salesman: LV1*
Susie: *Outlaw Child Taker: LV1*
Ralsei: *Outlaw Hugger: LV1*
Equipment:
Kris: Wooden Blade
Susie: Mane Axe
Ralsei: Red Scarf
Items: Glowshard, Cell Phone, Egg
Money: 27 DD (still basically broke)
After defeating Son Goku, the three 'heroes' made their way out of the forest into a nearby junkyard. After what Kris was going to ensure was but their first encounter with Rouxls Kaard the Duke of Puzzles, the market kicked the newly declared outlaws for 'disturbing the peace'. With only 27 Dark Dollars to their names and still no new healing items or food, the three Outlaws made their way to the junkyard known as 'The Trash Can'. It was a large plastic rectangular box with an opening on one side. It extended far above the treeline, but the real 'prizes' here was all the junk that spilled out of its side, a large mountainous pile of trash. Perhaps they could get some new discarded gear, healing items, or items to sell if they were lucky.
"Howdy! I'm Trashy, Trashy the trash can. Owner of this junkyard." Cried out a metal bin with balloon eyes, rubber-hose hands, and two gray feet but no legs. His large and bulbous blue eyes sitting on top of his lid swerved toward them, staring right into their souls. "Looks like someone needs to show you how things work around here, and I guess little old me will have to–".
"SO ANYWAY." Susie interrupted the literal and metaphorical garage can, "I used to do this kinda stuff all the time when I was a kid with my family." She gave an uncharacteristic smile to the other two chumps she was stuck with, "So basically the three rules for dumpster diving. One: Don't talk to any of the other creeps. Two: Don't dive into anything suspicious without letting me check it first. Three: Give me all the good stuff for safe keeping."
Ralsei let out a nervous laugh with one of his shaky smiles, "Understood Susie. But… Kris already left." Susie blinked and whipped her head around to face Kris, whom had dived head first into a large medical bag. They came out with several needles stabbing their skin, hugging the needles closer to their body as if they were screaming 'MINE.' Susie face palmed herself, walked up, and then dragged Kris hissing and scratching out of the bag like a feral cat.
Ralsei kept chuckling nervously; a chuckle that was probably as fake as his prince status. "Well, it's a good thing that it was a bag from an Ambyu-Lance, so those needles were healing items. They probably healed Kris more than it hurt them. I think." Kris continued hissing, neither confirming nor denying this.
"Whatever." Susie growled while trying to hold down Kris, "but I am NOT stabbing myself-... with any of those needles-... healing items or not!". Kris bit her. "THAT'S IT!" Susie roared like a T-Rex, chucking Kris all the way to the top of the several stories trash pile face-first. Ralsei looked at her with fear and shock. Susie breathed in, then out, then in, then out. "We'll deal with them later." She sighed before facing her last remaining chump, "You see anything fluffy boy?".
"Umm, Susie. Kris had..." Ralsei looked rather concerned, but Susie gave him the mother of all glares which shut him up. "Ah… Um… R-right! Uh… let's see here." He stumbled through his words. Susie tapped a claw on her scales impatiently. Ralsei surveyed the trash pile with a hasty pace. "AH!" He cried triumphantly, "There!". Susie blinked at him with a blank expression. Ralsei pointed this time, "There! An abandoned restaurant!". True to his word, there was a restaurant in the middle of the trash pile. It looked incredibly dirty, with its title partially obscured, with the only part visible saying MTT. Susie had no idea what the rest of the title was supposed to be, but what did she know about restaurant titles? They were always a little strange and misspelled like 'Iceeeeeeeeeee' or whatever.
"Oh hell yeah!" Susie fist pumped, "Nice, that place should have all kinds of goods! Like an air fryer!".
Ralsei tilted his head, "What's an air fryer? Do you like… fry the air with magic to make food? Out of air, Air food?".
Susie shrugged, "I don't know, maybe? I just know everyone thinks they're amazing. Either way, I bet they still have a bunch of cash in the register and all the ketchup packets you can eat!". She broke out into a breakneck pace toward her new golden goose. Ralsei quickly 'eeped' and raced to catch up with his only companion.
—
While Ralsei patiently waited just outside the door of what was apparently a thrown away fast food restaurant, Susie entered by herself, and immediately gawked at the sight of the store. The first thing that slapped the purple dino's senses was that it was all painted a gaudy yellow with really cheap looking paint. Not to mention, it looked substantially more not-abandoned than it initially appeared as there was some brown cat-bear-dude-thing manning the register. He had this very forced customer-service smile on his face, while wearing a pink T-shirt for a uniform with a yellow and pink rectangular hat with the letter M on it. Susie blinked once, twice, three times.
"Welcome to MTT-Brand Burger Emporium, home of the Glamburger." The employee(?) said as if he was some strange robot rather than a person, "Sparkle up your day ™". Was… was this some sort of robot cash register dude built into the store and abandoned with it? Or could it be some madman that had taken over the store to play out their insane fantasy of being a fast-food worker? Susie wasn't sure but summoned her axe into her hand as she cautiously approached alone.
"Uhhh." She eloquently started, "What's on the menu? Like, uh… actual food?".
The cashier's face bulged out slightly as if he was a stress toy being squeezed on; he gritted his teeth but somehow managed to keep a grin on his face. It almost looked like he was in the middle of nearly crapping his pants, but desperately trying to keep up appearances. "Yes, Ma'am." He said through the teeth, "This RESTAURANT does in fact sell FOOD."
Susie took a step backwards from the potential madman/robot, "Okay… and the 'food' isn't like garbage or expired?".
The cashier's face began uncontrollably twitching; his grin became even more strained until it could only definitionally be described as a grin anymore. "YES. Thanks to all OUR FOOD being made with all artificial flavors and artificial foods, MTT's burger emporium's 'meals' NEVER EXPIRE OR GO BAD."
"Wait really?!" Susie blinked in surprise, "OH HELL YEAH! ACTUAL FOOD!". Plus, Ralsei wasn't here, so she didn't have to share either! She had been starving ever since Ralsei had used up all his ingredients in his castle making a cake for her and Kris before this journey. It was half the reason why she was still putting up with the fluffy nerd. "Okay, give me one of those Glamburgers you were yapping about!" Susie enthusiastically grinned, also motioning Ralsei to come in with his wallet.
The catman(?) settled down a bit and put on a customer service face that somehow looked more creepy than his previously writhing and twitching face. "One glamburger, will that be all?" He said with a perpetual grin that bore no cheer. Susie nodded, and Ralsei nervously stepped to be at Susie's side. "Your total will be 120g."
"120 G!?" Susie practically roared with shock and fury, "HOW IS ONE BURGER THAT EXPENSIVE!? I COULD BUY A WEEK'S WORTH OF GROCERIES FOR THAT MONEY!".
"(THEN WHY DID YOU SHOP AT THE UNDERGROUND'S MOST EXPENSIVE STORE?)" The cashier seethed through his teeth, eyes bulging out violently.
"What was that?" Susie stared at the cashier incredulously, readying her axe.
"Would you like to cancel that order for a Glamburger for 120 g then, Ma'am?" The cashier asked as if his last comment hadn't happened.
"Uh, I've been meaning to ask, Susie." Ralsei whispered so loudly to Susie that one couldn't really call it a whisper, but he was trying his best. "What's a g? Doesn't he mean Dark Dollars? I mean that's the only currency we have, and the only one in the Dark World."
"Oh!" Susie's eyes went wide with an idea. She turned back to the cat-bear-man-thing, who was now twitching again, "Hey, Weirdo! How much does that Glamburger or whatever else you sell here cost in Dark Dollars?!".
The cashier stared at her, eye twitching manically. He forced his grin to widen much like how a spring-locked beartrap is set up. "I am SO SORRY. But the MTT burger emporium doesn't accept your made-up currencies, as we only take payments in G. Once you have enough G, you can eat some of our many wonderful products like our special Legendary Hero, 'Highly acclaimed for cutting a man's arm off and hitting like a brick.'" He 'grinned' with eyes that looked like he wanted to strangle them, "(SERIOUSLY, WHY DO THEY KEEP COMING IN HERE WITH THEIR SCAM MONEY. WHAT EVEN IS A KROMER?!)".
At the sight of the employee(?)'s face, Ralsei tentatively backed up behind Susie. Susie for her part barely managed to keep her cool. In all fairness, she didn't really expect that idea to work, but it didn't hurt to try. But without any g, she realized they weren't going to buy anything. However, this was a fast-food place, and she could always rely on them giving out certain free items. "OKAY THEN!" Susie said calmly, "Then, can we get some ketchup packets and two cups of water?".
The cashier's face began twitching, though this time his ire seemed less directed to them specifically. "I am SO SORRY. But we don't have ANY of those items."
Susie's mouth went agape with sheer shock as all of her street smarts failed her, "What!?"
"This store's owner and founder decided that KETCHUP AND WATER aren't glamorous enough. So, the MTT burger emporium only sells 'glamup' (10 g) and 'glamater' (20 g). So feel free to buy those once you get a job and have ACTUAL MONEY." the cashier 'grinned' in a twitching agony.
Susie stared at the thing behind the cash register, unmoving. In one long scream, she took all the mats on the counter, smashed the cash register into the wall, flipped a few tables, and then finally spat on this hell-accursed store's one and only 'employee'. The spit flew on the cashier, sliding slowly down his face going over an unblinking eyeball and mouth before hitting the ground. Ralsei was nowhere to be seen, as he had already run from the building once Susie's temper erupted. Susie took a bite out of one of the mats she had looted, and snarled, "HAVE FUN WORKING NOW THAT THIS PLACE IS AS MUCH OF A DUMP AS THE DUMP OUTSIDE!".
The cashier stared at her, looking somehow calm. He no longer had the customer 'pleasing' service smile or any frustrated twitching. This was somehow far more unsettling than his previous expressions, and Susie went quiet. He pulled out a cigarette, took a puff, and then stared at her once more. "Do you think this is anything?" He asked her. Susie didn't even know how to respond. "Do you think that the store getting trashed will mean I can stop working?" He shook his head, "No. No it won't. I kept going to work even after the evacuation orders were sent out, because I knew what my boss would yell at me. So, I went to work, and I kept doing my shift. I kept doing my shift after everyone else disappeared. I kept doing my shift after that Freak came 'n tried to sell me stuff from the people they murdered. I served them glamburgers and legendary heroes with a smile. I kept working my shift when the whole world went black and I found myself in this dump, because I couldn't tell if my shift was over because ALL THE CLOCKS STOPPED WORKING. I KEPT WORKING EVEN WHEN THAT LITTLE FREAK GAVE ALL OUR CHAIRS VIRUSES CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BUY HIS CREEPY SHIT! AND I'LL KEEP ON WORKING CAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHEN MY SHIFT IS OVER, BUT I'VE BEEN DOING IT THIS LONG SO WHY NOT?!"
…
Susie fled the store as fast as her legs could take her.
"SO, WE AREN'T GOING IN THERE EVER AGAIN." She loudly declared, as the building's doors closed behind her. Ralsei jumped in slight shock at her sudden arrival, but still nodded in agreement.
"Though I didn't really know why you even tried to buy stuff from him in the first place." Ralsei dusted himself off. Susie looked at the prince inquisitively. Ralsei let out a little laugh, "I mean, Kris is the one who has all our money anyway, so it didn't matter if you could buy stuff with Dark Dollars." Susie stared at him. Without another words, she picked the fluffy boy up and carried him over the shoulder, and then she began sprinting for the top of the trash heap that she had sent her other companion flying to several minutes before.
"CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP" She yelled angrily.
—
"Kris." Ralsei called out for their lost companion, "Where are you?".
"KRIS!" Susie screamed, "GET OVER HERE BEFORE I KILL YOU!".
They both called out for their missing companion in their own unique ways; however, neither had much luck as they wandered the trash heap. "Hey there." Called out a familiar voice. Both Susie and Ralsei turned their heads to the voice's source. An unwanted trash can with giant balloon eyes and arms hopped into view, "Having trouble finding something in all my trash? Little ol' Trashy can help you-"
"STOP STALKING US, CREEP!" Susie demanded as she brought her axe down and swung it upwards, "RUDE BUSTER!". Her axe filled up with purple magic as she did so, causing the slash to send out a large wave of rude magic that launched their unwanted stalker screaming across the horizon.
"Was that really necessary?" Ralsei spoke up, "I can't help noticing that he was just trying to help us. I know I'm not supposed to talk to him, but would it really be so dangerous to hear him out?".
Susie gave the fluffy boy a flat stare, "Ralsei, dude. That freak chooses to live in a garbage dump when there's a perfectly good forest right out. He may act nice, but he's probably just like that freak in the restaurant. He's just one step from being a raving lunatic and shiving you." Ralsei nervously stayed quiet at that. He wanted to argue for the benefits of showing kindness, but it was hard to argue with her after how the restaurant encounter went. Besides, the trash can was long gone from the junkyard now.
The sound of trash crunching under boots alerted the two to another person approaching. One that was significantly bluer and someone they actually wanted to see. "Kris!" Ralsei joyfully cried out, rushing toward their formerly lost companion. Then he stopped, took a sniff in Kris's general direction before backing WAY UP behind Susie. Kris was covered head to toe in all kinds of dirt, muck, and garbage and certainly looked the part of a dumpster diver or at least a trash goblin.
Susie leaned back from Kris, "Dude, you fucking reek; what have you been doing?".
Kris gave a satisfied smirk, "Found the best shop ever. Been buying gear and items."
Ralsei smiled and clapped his hands together, "Oh that's wonderful! Susie and I haven't been so lucky in that department."
"The hell?" Susie shot Ralsei a look. She pointed like held up her menus that she took from the restaurant. There were bite marks in all of them. Kris nodded approvingly. Ralsei chuckled, not knowing how to react to that and desperately wanting to change the topic. Before Ralsei could pry Kris on what items they had acquired, Kris already began moving toward some unknown location deeper inside the trash pile, waving them to follow.
The three 'heroes' climbed the trash pile, and eventually entered inside the actual giant trash can. It was like a sewer: it smelled horrible and was rather dark. However, they didn't walk very far before they came across a white door in a door frame. It didn't lead to an actual building, or at least a building with four walls. Surrounded on all sides by literal garbage, the 'shop' interior could be easily seen from the outside. The store(?) was a countertop stocked with items, a perpetually smiling, small white man, and a sunny blue sky painted on the back and only wall of the shop. The shopkeeper stared blankly out at the door with their glasses with a mismatched yellow and pink lens. Ralsei and Susie shared a look in silence; both thinking about a certain fast-food restaurant. Ralsei gave a hopeful shrug and smile. Susie readied her axe with a suspicious glare at the unmoving and unreactive man. Kris opened the standing door frame and entered the shop with their companions soon following.
Like an actual robot or some kind of puppet, the little man came to life as soon as the three of them entered the door. "Kris! "
...
" You [little sponge]! You "
...
" found [more schmucks] to buy my [sweet hot deals!]? That's a real [Big Shot] move right there [you little duckling]!". His voice made Kris's salesman voice sound charismatic and genuine. What could be assumed to be his 'normal voice' sounded like a discount, cheap, hand-me-down Gilbert Gottfried, and that alone was about as charming as a nasty scratch 'n sniff sticker that had been pooped on, barfed on, and then burned in a lake of acid. However, for some horrifying unknown reason, the man's voice was occasionally replaced with snippets of another salesman's voice that attempted to sound more charismatic but even that sounded like the combination of an online phisher and a scam bot trying to impersonate a human being. If this voice was meant to improve his natural one, it failed. It failed so hard. It would have been almost hilarious if it wasn't so terrifying.
"Now welcome to my [little book nook] [valued customer]s! Here "
...
"at Spamton's feel [hyperlink blocked] to [purchase products] for as long as you [need it! I Need it!]." The salesman spoke again for some reason, despite no one wanting him to. Ralsei and Susie exchanged a look, as both needed to confirm that yes, they weren't hallucinating and yes this was indeed actually happening.
Either not noticing or not caring about the very concerned looks on their teammates' faces, Kris strode forward and looked back at their teammates to show off the store. "This place is amazing." They said with no emotion in their voice whatsoever. They gestured to the products on the counter with each having a small flashing light by it, "Check the price tags."
Wait no, the flashing lights had been the price tags Kris referred to, as each 'tag' had its prices listed out as a neon light, with the prices randomly changing between numbers of various sizes. "If you wait for the right moment, you can actually get a super low price like 2 or 5 kromer, so we can actually buy stuff from this guy." Kris dutifully explained, "The items are pretty neat too, like this thorn ring that can apparently enslave the wielder to whomever gave it to them; there's also this broken sword that I'm sure we could forge later to be a super strong sword. Best part is that this guy will buy our items and other junk, so with the changing price tags I've been making tons of money."
Ralsei blinked in surprise, "R-really Kris? How much money do you have now?".
"Eh, like a billion kromer or something like that." Kris nonchalantly answered, "Don't know what to spend it on though."
Ralsei stared flatly at their blue companion. "You mean Dark Dollars." Ralsei tried to clarified, but Susie was already face palming herself.
"Dark Dollars? [Never heard of her!]. Here at "
...
", I only take my [specially made] kromer. [Fear not!] for I have a [special deal for lonely hearts like you]. [Feed] me your [worthless slop] and I'll give you all the kromer "
", all the kromer "
", all the kromer you could want. Take it from me [you little] [Plondgey]], take my offer and you'll be as [cool as a] [pepis]." Spamton cut into the conversation. Kris nodded along as if that explained it all. They held up a fat stack of kromer to Ralsei and Susie. It was monopoly money, but Spamton's face had been poorly drawn on to the middle with crayon. It looked awful.
Ralsei tried to speak, but no words came out. After all, if one had nothing good to say they shouldn't say anything at all. Susie, however, filled in for Ralsei, "KRIS! THAT SHIT'S USELESS OUTSIDE OF THIS FREAK'S STORE YOU IDIOT!".
Kris blankly stared at her. Perhaps they blinked, but no one could really tell since they always had their eyes covered with their messy hair. "So, I shouldn't have sold all of my Dark Dollars, items, and sword for more kromer?".
"YES!" Susie screeched so loud that a trashalanche started somewhere inside the giant trash can.
"Don't listen to that [Barney] [Lawsuit pending] Kris! Think of all the free kromer I [gift wrapped] you, think of all the [generosity] I [charity] you! I'm your "
...
"[true] [friend request accepted]! Keep buying from [me] and you'll be [bathing], [eating], [smothering] in [Hyperlink blocked]. You and I will be the [biggest] in this [run around town], then I'll finally have my "
" my "
"my "
"my "
"my "
"my "
" [AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA]". The little salesman began glitching with his words, and then literally glitching as his face became a distorted mess of pixels before settling back to 'normal' with manic laughter.
"Ok, that's enough." Susie addressed the little, white freak behind the counter for the first time, "You better give us all back the money you scammed from Kris or I'm going to give you a Susie special." While the maniac was still laughing, she grabbed him by the torso with one hand and prepared to restructure his whole face.
"Uh Susie" Ralsei interjected, "Don't you think that's-"
"[DON'T TOUCH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]" Spamton let out an ear-piercing scream. His head began to enlarge to nearly the size of his own body, and tiny little Spamtons began crawling out of his mouth like a swarm of spiders.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ralsei let out a shrilly scream of horror.
"OH SHIT!" Susie yelped and she chucked the little salesman as far as she could throw him. His little body shot out of the giant trash can like a missile and disappeared over the horizon in a twinkle.
Ralsei and Susie stood in silence inside the trash can. Also silent but for a completely different reason, Kris gave a thumbs up and promptly started stealing all of the items on the counter and shoving it all into their pocket. Susie groaned, "I think I've had enough of this place. Kris? Is your sword and all our shit in there?".
"Nope." they answered. Susie started twitching in fury, but Kris didn't elaborate.
"Uh" Ralsei finally entered the conversation, "While I do hate stealing from people in desperate need of… therapy(?), is there actually anything worth taking in there?".
"Of course." Kris answered, "There's all these worn Bowties for armor, all these S. potions for health, my new broken sword, some empty flash drive, and this thorn ring."
Susie stared flatly at Kris, "That's mostly junk and a torture ring. Wait, why are you even keeping that? And before you ask, Ralsei and me aren't wearing that."
Kris shrugged, "Wasn't planning on using it. Noelle loves this kind of stuff, so I'm keeping it till I see her again. Thinking like a Christmas present." Susie wanted to argue with that logic. Given all she knew of Noelle was that she was a nice girl who always seemed to be blushing and always got talked over by her more annoying bird friend, she really couldn't say she knew her better than Kris: Noelle's childhood friend. With a sigh, Susie assumed deep down Noelle was probably just a weirdo who liked torture mind enslaving rings. It was like what her mom had told her when she was really young, it was always the quiet ones that were the biggest freaks, with the blue one in front of her serving as an excellent example.
Speaking of, Susie settled for a hard glare on Kris, "Still, we're not wearing those dirty and probably lice covered Bowties or that other junk. We might be broke, but I have standards and that includes not having you guys stink all the time. It's bad enough that you already reek."
"I don't know Susie." Ralsei tried to find some middle ground, "At least some of the stuff doesn't seem so bad. The Bowties just need a little washing and they'll be fine, and those S. potions could be really good. Right Kris?".
"I tested one of them." Kris answered, "They're poison."
"RUDE BUSTER!" was the last sound heard inside Spamton's shop before rude magic reduced all its items, one wall, and single door to nothing more than rubble.
Kris whined like a dog as Susie dragged them out of the giant trash can and into the dark of day. Despite Susie's best attempts, they did manage to keep some of the items they obtained from the definitely insane salesman; however, they seemed to be upset to have seen all that potential free stuff be so carelessly destroyed. Ralsei did his best to comfort his friend, wrapping his long pink scarf around them in a hug like some 3rd appendage. He would have to wash his scarf later, but Ralsei thought Kris appreciated it anyway, probably. Either way, it seemed like their journey in 'the trash can' was finally over.
"YOU THREE!" a hissing voice came out of the trash piles around them.
Or not apparently.
The three 'heroes' turned their attention to the voice's origin. From the trash, none other than Trashy the Trash Can emerged like a mole. His balloon eyeballs had big angry eyebrows on them, as he pointed an accusatory finger at them. "You three are ruining everything around here! I can accept you ignoring my GREAT HELP, but then you just had to beat me up for NO REASON! What's worse is when I was distracted trying to find you again, that jerk" the cartoon hand pointed directly at Kris, "Crashed into my trash cave in the trash mound, and then sold all my stuff for KNOCK-OFF MONOPOLY MONEY!". Kris's lips tilted upward a bit at that. With his grievances announced, Trashy the Trash Can gave them all a withering glare, "For your crimes, I, Trashy, will-"
"Rude Buster." Susie lazily unleashed a purple blast of rude magic that launched Trashy beyond the horizon… again. Susie blinked and looked to Ralsei, "Wait, this feels familiar. Didn't I already do this? How did he get back here so quick-" Before she could finish the thought, the trash around them started rumbling.
"YOU IDIOTS!" a deep rumble echoed throughout the whole area, "I AM TRASHY THE GARBAGE CAN! AS LONG AS THERE IS A TRASH CAN IN THIS WORLD, I WILL BE HERE! AND YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME IN MY PLACE OF POWER?! I AM THE GOD OF THIS SINGLE JUNKYARD!". From where Kris; Susie; and Ralsei stood, they had front row seats to see the largest structure in the junkyard, the massive rectangular trash bin, sprout enormous cartoon arms from the bin's longest sides. The arms pushed the towering bin right side up, revealing two large, gray, cartoon feet at the base. Then a circular lid was summoned for the top of the bin, which sprouted two large balloon-like eyes that glared down at them from the heavens. "NOW FACE THE DIVINE WRATH OF OMEGA TRASHY!" the god of hyper trash roared.
Susie and Ralsei stood agape at this sudden transformation. "This might be a problem." Kris stated, though they didn't seem all that bothered. Kris pointed a finger gun at the monster, "Ralsei, use reasoning on him."
Ralsei looked uncertainly between Kris and Omega Trashy, and the prince stayed silent despite the order. Kris stared at their fluffiest companion with silent expectations even as a dark shadow went over Ralsei. Looking increasingly nervous and conflicted, Ralsei's silence eventually broke. "B-but Kris! Susie said that we shouldn't talk to the weirdos at this dump in her initial rules!" Ralsei started panicking, "Also I think we're waaaaaaay past the bargaining stage here."
"RALSEI!" Susie shouted in warning.
Ralsei, a bundle of worries and anxiety now, looked at Susie with shock, "Susie?! But you were the one-" Whatever he was about to say was cut short as a giant cartoon hand grabbed and squeezed Ralsei like a squeaky toy. Ralsei even let out a pitiful wheeze.
"BARGAIN? THERE'S NO GOD HERE THAT WILL BARGAIN WITH YOU! BUT HOW ABOUT I SEND YOU TO ONE THAT MIGHT?!" Omega Trashy mocked the tiny fluffy darkner before yeeted him up vertically into the sky. His poor green form quickly disappeared in the endlessly black sky. The two bulbous eyes of Omega Trashy swiveled to stare down at Susie and Kris, "Now, are you quaking in your boots? Do you fully understand how FOOLISH you were to challenge me?".
"KRIS '' Susie harshly whispered while the unwanted boss monologued, "WE NEED A PLAN, NOW!".
Kris gave a thumbs up to Susie and then shouted at the boss, "Not really!". Omega Trashy glared down at Kris's unflappable attitude with the hatred of an ignored, beat up garbage bin with no friends. The blue knight pointed over to Susie, "Susie basically did a similar throw just a few minutes ago with Spamton, so can't say you're stronger than her. Why not throw something heavier into the distance? Then I think I can understand enough really evaluate your power."
Omega Trashy laughed, "FINE, FINE! YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING FLY? THEN SO BE IT!". The skyscraper garbage can waddled to turn around, and grabbed the MTT burger emporium with its super stretchy arms. Concrete stretched and broke as the large, white glove hands ripped the store from the foundations and then threw it like a frisbee. The building sailed through the air, almost like a UFO, and flew over the horizon probably to be seen again in some future chapter.
Inside the building, Burgerpants, the cashier, looked at the window, sighed, and continued his shift.
Omega Trashy hungrily glared down at Kris, "HOW ABOUT THAT BLUE BOY?! SCARED NOW!?".
Kris shrugged, "Seen stronger."
At that moment, Ralsei's descending scream could be heard as he came down to hit the earth like a meteor. However, before his fluffy form splattered on the ground, the prince cried out, "FLUFFY GUARD, FLUFFY GUARD, FLUFFY GUUAAAARRRRRDDDDDDD!". Instead of one fluffy boy coming down, a big bag of fluff bounced off the hard trash, keeping its lone occupant safe.
Susie gave a sigh of relief once Ralsei crawled out of his protective ball of fluff, "Oh good, the nerd's not dead. I'm gonna have to punch you for scaring me." Ralsei, still recovering from the whole experience, didn't know what to say to that but managed a weak smile.
Kris turned to Susie. They tilted their head in confusion, "What? Of course he's okay. We survived a fall way worse than that before we met Ralsei."
Susie paused a moment as she remembered events from before the first chapter of this story. "Oh yeah, I forgot…" Susie scratched her head in rare moment of pondering the nature of the world, "I guess fall damage is only in video games…"
"NO IT ISN'T." Omega Trashy screamed in frustration at his failed attempted murder, "YOU THREE ARE JUST BULLSHIT!". The trash can of the gods roared once more; his great lid opened up and began firing out large garbage balls the size of houses into the air to rain down on the three 'heroes' in a trashy rain. However, the uneven footing from all the garbage on the ground combined with the force from firing the trash balls unbalanced the great trash can, forcing it to wave its arms dramatically to right itself on its stubby feet. This forced Omega Trashy to prematurely end his attack. For the 'heroes', Susie grabbed, and fireman carried Ralsei, following Kris to race down the hills of garbage to escape all the junk meteors raining down. Each ball hit the trash pile in an explosion of scrap metal, broken furniture, and bags of pet poop. Thankfully, the three managed to get out of the way of all the major impacts; however, the issue of Omega Trashy remained.
"SO, HOW'S THAT PLAN COMING ALONG KRIS!?" Susie impatiently yelled to her stoic companion.
Kris gave a thumbs up, "We'll use our combo attack on him to knock him over."
"Then what?" Susie demanded, still not entirely convinced.
"You throw me over, so I can stab out his eyes." Kris answered. Susie flashed him a nasty, satisfied grin. Yeah, that was a plan she could get behind.
As Omega Trashy was distracted keeping his wavering balance, Susie dropped Ralsei to prepare a Rude Buster; however, Kris shone a red light from their very soul onto her. The usually purple Rude Magic turned into a violent and destructive red, amplifying its power dramatically. With Kris aiming the shot, Susie launched the Red Buster into Omega Trashy's side, exploding like a star going supernova. Already unbalanced, Omega Trashy stumbled and slammed into the earth and trash with an enormous, earth-shaking thud. Normally, Omega Trashy could easily pick his divine self up, but he landed on the side with one of his arms and now said arm was being crushed under his immense weight. It didn't help that his other arm couldn't reach the ground anymore.
After gathering a few sharp pieces of garbage, Kris nodded to Ralsei, whom casted Fluffy Guard over Kris. Now covered in protective fluff for all his delicate and sharp items, Susie then grabbed and threw Kris all the way towards Omega Trashy's lid like a football. Kris gracefully flew through the air before beefing it on landing, roughly rolling across the ground. The fluffy guard helped protect all their precious items that they had recently bought. So, despite all the spinning and the hard crash, it was a pretty good landing. After dusting themselves off, Kris dashed over to the fallen form of Omega Trashy. Even on his side, Omega Trashy's eyes still towered over the blue human, easily more than a story up; however, Susie wasn't the only one on the team with a good or at least decent throwing arm.
"YOU MUST THINK YOU'RE SO CLEVER! BUT I AM THE GOD COMEPARED TO YOU AND SUCH TRIVIAL MATTER SUCH AS STANDING UP WILL ONLY… TAKE… JUST… A MOMENT…" Omega Trashy repeatedly struggled to roll over, which was rather hard considering he was a rectangular prism, "... So… Have You Played Any Good Games Late-".
At this moment, Kris chucked some of the sharp garbage at Omega Trashy's eyes like darts, surprisingly popping each balloon eye like… a balloon, go figure. "THE HELL? OWW! YOU JERK! YOU THINK YOU CAN BLIND ME?! WELL WATCH AND TREMBLE!", from the places the balloon eyes were attached, a new set of balloon eyes grew and expanded out from the lid. "FOOL, ALL YOUR EFFORTS ARE WORTHLESS! I CAN REGROW MY EYES FOR AS LONG AS THIS BODY REMAINS! POPPING THEM IS POINTLESS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!". The god of hyper trash shook the earth with its vicious laughter.
"Ok." Kris said. Kris promptly took two S. Potions from his fluff protected pocket and chucked them at the eyes. While they didn't pop the eyes, the containers immediately broke, releasing all of its violet, gooey, toxic contents onto each target.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" Omega Trashy cried out, "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!". His eyes, once pure white, became stained a sicky purple as the toxins spread and burned his body. The trash bin's body shook and writhed in agony.
Kris tilted their head, "So you're surrendering then?".
"YES! FUCKING, YES! HERE, TAKE ALL MY MONEY! JUST MAKE THE PAIN END!" dark dollars rained out of the trash bin's maw and towards Kris, and as agreed Kris popped his eyes once again. "OW!".
With that victory, Omega Trashy was defeated, new ranks were obtained, along with 500 dark dollars!
—
With another mild inconvenience dealt with, the gang walked together out of the junkyard, now with Ralsei carrying all their money. Almost all the loose ends of this adventure fully closed up. "Uh Kris?" Ralsei asked with some moderate concern, "Didn't you say you drank one of those S. Potions?". Kris shrugged as if to say 'Yeah? What of it?'. "Well…" Ralsei started, "Trashy found those things to be unimaginably painful to the point he gave up immediately. So… ARE YOU OKAY?".
"It hurts a little." Kris stated.
"Kris." Ralsei stressed their name to try to sell the urgency of the situation, "Are you saying you're still poisoned right now?!". Kris thought about it for a while, before shrugging again. At this point, even Susie started to look at Kris with some mild concern. It certainly didn't help that Kris still smelled and was covered in trash, which was definitely not helping. "KRIS." Ralsei's voice became rather hysterical, "We can't just let you be poisoned!".
"Ok." Kris said, "I'll get rid of the poison."
Ralsei covered his face in his paw-hands, "Kris, you can't just 'get rid' of the poison. You need medical–"
Kris threw up.
Stats
Ranks:
Kris: *[Little Sponge]: LV1*
Susie: *Trash Thrasher: LV1*
Ralsei: *Lawful Dumpster Diver: LV1*
Equipment:
Kris: *But no sword came…*, Frayed BowTie x2
Susie: Mane Axe
Ralsei: Red Scarf
Items: Cell Phone, Thorn Ring, x5, Egg, Broken Sword, Empty Disk, Half-eaten place mats.
Money: 719971998 6253#47 Kromer, 500 DD [NOW THEY"RE A BIG SHOT]
Authors Note: Thanks for reading the 2nd chapter of Three Heroes or Something. I really appreciate that you came to read my little fic. Anyway, for this chapter I had some real difficulty getting it on as the site's formatting automatically reduces all 'unnecessary' space down to one. Since I had used tab command to space out certain bits of Spamton's dialogue like how it appears in game, all of those segments had been changed, requiring more work on my end. Ultimately I had settled with breaking up the speech with new paragraphs and ellipses to attempt to get a similar uncanny effect. Hope it came off that way. Note that this formatting also took away an extra paragraph space in the Stats section, which made that whole section look more cluttered than intended, so I switched to underlining. Thanks for reading.