Stats
Ranks:
Kris: *[Little Sponge]: LV1*
Susie: *Trash Thrasher: LV1*
Ralsei: *Lawful Dumpster Diver: LV1*
Equipment:
Kris: *No Weapon*, Frayed Bowtie x2
Susie: Mane Axe
Ralsei: Red Scarf, Frayed Bowtie
Items: Cell Phone, Thorn Ring, x5, Broken Sword, Egg, Empty Disk.
Money: 230038&383$352940666 Kromer, 500 DD (Barely enough to buy some decent equipment).
After defeating Naruto Uzumaki, the three 'heroes' trekked onward out of the forest and into a brand-new location. Well, 'trekked' wasn't exactly the best word as one member was carried the whole way due to being poisoned or formerly poisoned by their own admission, but it was at least a trek for the other two as Ralsei was still determined to give Kris proper medical care while Susie didn't have anything better to do. The new location was quite different from the previous forest of soft, purple grasses, and trees with fluffy, red leaves. This place's ground was made of mostly smooth white rocks. Each bare rock was long and rounded down to the point that walking across them felt like walking across a flat surface with not a speck of plant life or moss to be seen. What was in sight were pools of various sizes dotted along the area, as well as one notable large lake of still water. Mounds of bubbles and froth silently moved across the water like clouds moving across the sky. Around the large lake, a small harbor settlement was set up, with a large blue spire in the middle. Darkners of various sizes roamed around the very tidy town: the stout little round Bobblers cleaning their wares, Hathie maids dusting the buildings, Ponmen carrying large loads off to the ships, and Ambylances running the medical ward. The town itself was made of wood from the nearby forest, but was just as polished and clean as the stones it rested upon.
Wasting no time on introductions, Ralsei quickly led the way to seek help from a local Ambylance. "Sir." Ralsei eloquently started, "My friend." The Lonely prince gestured to Kris whom the prince was carrying since Susie didn't want to smell Kris the whole way, "They're poisoned. Heal, please." It had been a long day for the prince. Only a while ago, they had been fighting for their lives against a giant trash can, and Ralsei had to take on the new responsibility of keeping all of the money after Kris had been scammed by the most obvious scam artist in the Dark world. Kris raised a finger to correct Ralsei's request to the Ambylance, but Susie slapped the hand down as she had heard enough of Kris and Ralsei's argument on the health benefits of puking. She too had had a long day.
The Ambylance narrowed their eyes at the sight and rather strong smell of the blue human, "They stink quite a bit. How do I know they aren't one of them?"
Ralsei blinked in surprise and confusion, "Pardon? What does that have to do with anything?".
The Ambylance looked him up and down with skepticism. "You really don't know?" The darkner asked, clearly unconvinced of the group's naivety. "You really came down to the Sinken Lands, and don't know about the Clean Crusade?". Ralsei shook this head. The Ambylance looked at them indignantly, "You three seriously think that playing dumb will convince me?! No! I'm not going to heal a–a dirty–a-a filthy, Trashner spy!".
Susie scowled in frustration and got up in the Ambylance's Needle like face, "What the hell! I did not come all this way for your idiotic–"
"Whoa!" The Darkner healer blinked in surprise, "Wait, is this clean crusading aura I feel from you?!" Susie blinked in surprise at the sudden attention. "You must have defeated some high level Trashners to be that good." The Darkner exclaimed at the purple monster, "Why didn't you start with that from the beginning? Of course, I'll help such a strong sister in our crusade against all the dirty Trashners." The darkner spoke the word Trashner like it was the scum of the earth. With that, the darkner doctor picked up Kris like how a exorcist would hold a little possessed doll, and began healing/cleaning them from literally head to toe.
With Kris's demonic screeching in the background, Susie turned and harshly whispered to Ralsei, "First of all, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE. Second, do NOT tell them about my eating habits!" At least to the purple lightner, these darkners looked to be as crazy as the last ones they met in chapter 2 with their fanatical desire for cleanliness. She did not want to deal with that kind of crazy again.
Ralsei did his best to give his monstrously scary companion a reassuring smile, "Well, things certainly have… changed since last time I visited. But look on the bright side, Susie. They are still helping us, so as long as nothing bad happens in the next few minutes we can just leave and finally continue our quest now that I have a wallet full of the commonly accepted currency of the Dark World!" Ralsei gave his best smile to punctuate his point, while also patting the pocket in his robe that had said wallet. That said, both Ralsei and Susie immediately swung their heads back towards the source of the demonic screeching with weary dread. However, to both their surprise, Kris was being rather polite and obedient toward each of the Ambylance's commands, lifting their pits up when ordered and turning when asked. They were still screaming though. Perhaps they were just a screaming enjoyer despite their mute tendencies. With all business seemingly going well, the two just sat back and waited for their third party member to finally be cured.
Or not? It had been like thirty minutes, yet Kris was still being treated. While this waiting was nothing for Ralsei who had been waiting his whole life to succeed on his quest, Susie was starting to lose her cool. Gritting her dagger-like, yellow teeth, the purple dino marched up to Kris and the Ambylance and started giving them the stink eye. Putting a claw hand on the darkner's shoulder, Susie gave the medic a nasty smile, "Hey."
"Hello, fellow clean crusader!" The strange Ambylance cheerfully responded, oblivious to Susie's attempt at intimidation.
"So, like. We asked you to get rid of the poison and to heal Kris, right?" Susie started, "And like, it's been a while…" Susie purposefully trailed off, giving a harder and more serious glare at the darkner. "What's the hold up?".
"Oh yes. All of those tasks have been done as requested!" The darkner obliviously and cheerfully replied, "However, I noticed an issue."
"Yeah?" Susie flatly spoke.
"You see, as I was examining this unworthy being, I realized there were far more pressing matters that needed to be addressed." They shook their needle head with pity and disgust, "They have bacteria and dirt all over them! So, I had no choice but to purify everything. But then as I looked more closely, it only got worse and worse."
"Like what?" Ralsei asked due to his own morbid curiosity.
"This… creature has bacteria inside them. Clearly, they needed my immediate and urgent attention. They need immediate disinfectant injected straight into their stomach and blood stream." The Ambylance spoke in increasingly irrational disdain for the human below them, their voice sounding as intense as a fanatical cult preacher.
Ralsei took a tentative step backwards, but gave a concerned look towards his blue companion, "Uh, is that normal, Kris? To have bacteria inside you?". Surprisingly, Kris nodded.
The Ambylance shuddered in disgust, "What a horrifying race."
Ralsei tilted his head much like a confused puppy, "So, do you need all those bacteria then?" Kris paused for a moment to consider the question, before nodding again. Ralsei blinked, "So… What happens if you don't have them inside you?"
"Oh, that's easy. I can't digest anything properly without my microbiome. Not to mention that all the disinfectant will poison me. I've heard over the internet that some people inject disinfectant for suicides." Kris dutifully explained, seeming just a tad too interested in the subject.
"Oh well. At least you'll be clean in death, heathen." The Darkner replied jovially, disinfectant in hand. Kris made no moves to get away or struggle at their impending demise.
However, in a flash, a pink scarf snatched the small needle from the needle person's hands while a purple blur grabbed Kris away from the zealous darkner. With the disinfectant in fluffy paws, Ralsei quickly threw the dangerous implement away, "Guys! These people are gonna kill Kris! We need to go!"
"I knew it!" The Ambylance screamed in righteous indignation, "You two have been deceiving this upstanding Clean Crusader! You're secretly filthy Trashners in disguise!".
"Yeah, no shit dumbass!" Susie shot back at the prince, quickly chasing after the galloping goat boy.
"Yes! MY comrade in arms! Bring that heathen to cleansing justice!" The Ambylance name Clancy shouted from behind them for some reason. Hopefully they will never be seen in a future chapter.
Ignoring the mad darkner's ravings, Susie shouted to her allies as she caught up to Ralsei with ease, "Quick, we can hide in one of those big white bushes outside of town." Ralsei nodded even as he squinted at the scenery in front of them, not entirely sure what she meant. All he had seen ahead was the large lake foam–
Splash!
While the three had only gotten to the edge of the massive lake at the edge of the town, this lake wasn't like a normal lake that sloped down to its depths gradually. This lake was more like a 90-degree cliff filled to the top with water. So once their feet had stepped into the water, all three of them went into what could only be called the really really deep end if it were a public pool (which in some ways it was, but that's beside the point). Either way, they all sunk like silverware.
"GAAHHHHHHH" Susie breached the previously still waters first like a whale, "God damn it Ralsei! Why did ya have to bring us to the worst place EVER!".
After a moment of some sound and bubbles coming out of the water for a disconcerting amount of time, Ralsei floated up to the surface last, with a pair of new floaties on his arms. "Phewy!" He hacked out a bucket of water, "Ugh. I really don't like getting wet like this. It takes forever to dry myself out. (Then I'm all frizzy)." The formerly fluffy–now all soggy–boy muttered to himself, oblivious to Susie's glares.
"RALS!" Susie shouted once more, startling the poor prince out of thoughts, "How the HELL do we get out of here and to go to someplace normal!" Despite her flailing to keep herself afloat in the water, she still managed to give him quite a dangerous look.
"We swim out and become one with this ocean." Kris said creeping up behind them like a ghost, nearly making Ralsei and Susie jump out of the water in surprise.
Susie flipped her long dinosaur-like face around to her occasionally tolerated ally, "What? Why the HELL would I do that?".
With the barest hint of a red gleam making its way out from behind their dark blue bangs, Kris smirked, "Then we can become sea monsters and rule this place." Susie stared at Kris; Ralsei gaped at Kris. Both were wet, treading water, and had no idea where to go next or what to do.
"Kris! You're a fricken genius! Where the hell did that come from?!" Susie cried with a barely contained excitement, grinning like a hungry gator. Her previous bad mood all but forgotten. Ralsei looked at his two other companions mystified; his wet body already worn out from the previous drama they just got done with.
"Okay, I guess we're doing this now." The soggy prince resigned himself to his fate with a whisper.
—
Out in the middle of a lake of blue, three 'sea monsters' prowled the surface using fluffy floaties and a magically created innertube (Susie didn't want any kiddy floaties). They owned this ocean, and everything knew it. All opposition? Crushed. All prey they met? Devoured. They were certified bad dudes…. Okay, they had only met one other sea monster: a weird living net darkner that had tried to entangle Ralsei and drag him to the depths of the ocean floor. A well-placed rude buster had set that jerk flying. Also, Ralsei, but he got better. But even though they hadn't met anything else in a while, Susie was pretty sure that was a sign of how everything feared their sheer badassery. Ralsei thought it was just the sign of how they were stuck in the middle of nowhere. Susie called Ralsei a wimp. Kris laughed at that.
However, their plans soon changed as the three came across a new scene of interest. There was a battle going on in the distance. Two ships far away that had been obscured by a large, drifting foam cloud were launching junk at each other. All three 'sea monsters' looked at each other, nodding in silent agreement on their next course of action. They quickly bobbed and swam at various mildly impressive speeds towards the battle.
On one side, there was a great, mighty buwll class ship. Perfectly round and with tall sides, not even the greatest splashing could bring water inside its hull. Someone could certainly climb into it, though, 'cause man was it dirty. Dirtacles hung to the side of the buwll ship like rocks on a rock-climbing wall, and each were colored differently with various food stains. Mucketeers of all shapes and sizes manned the sides, armed with muckets, dirks, and a large trash can-non in the middle of the ship. Each one of them had thick beards of various half-eaten pastas and pastes. Trash balls were also being shot into the sky like mortar fire, so they had some big guns along with their big ship. They were a real group of dirty, reeking pirates that were raring to make their mark.
On the other side was a large mat of sponges tied together. It was less of a proper ship and more of a raft; however, each clean crusader was armed to the teeth with soap guns and scrublasses, and each of them were tied to the deck with the green coils keeping their carefully polished boots always secured. There were Ambylances, Washers, and Clean Crusaders of all shapes and sizes, and all of them were clean shaven. Barrages of soapy streams shot out from them and onto the other ship. Clearly, they were the scrubiest sWASHbucklers around.
"Ah, me old and HATED nemesis. Can't ye see? It's pointless to resist. YE SHALL BE CLEANSED FROM THIS WORLD!". The captain of the sponge rafts boldly proclaimed. You could tell he was the captain, because he had a large captain's hat.
On the buwll ship, another Darkner with a much more rugged captain's hat shouted back, "If ya think this disgusting stuff is enough to take me out, then ya got another thing coming! And that thing is more trash!" With that, another massive trash ball shot out of the ship and slammed in the water next to the Sponge raft, causing a truly massive splash. The clean captain didn't look angry, throwing his head back to let out a truly manic bout of laughter as he sent out another volley of soap streams towards the attacking craft.
Unknown to either of them, three sea monsters silently swam to the buwll ship. "Wait, so what's the plan?" Ralsei stupidly asked, ruining the cool appearance of silent team cohesion. "You two just smiled at each other. Are we helping these guys, attacking them, getting out of this cold dish water?". Kris and Susie just gave him a disappointed look before enacting their 'plan' in silence, as it should be. Susie swam to one side of the boat, while Kris took the other. Just as Susie managed to get a grip on the dirtacles on the side, Kris began screaming like a banshee. The mucketeers reacted immediately to the random screaming, as all of them looked rather confused.
"Billy, did you stub your toe again?" shouted one of them. However, before Billy or anyone else could speak, the vessel began violently rocking back and forth. Confused, the mucketeers weren't able to respond in time before Susie and Kris realized what the other was doing, and started to actually synchronize, Kris joining the rocking while Susie let out a roar. Ralsei palmed himself in the face as the scene unfolded.
"AHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the other captain, "Ye fools! That isn't Billy stubbing her toe. It be lake monsters! And they have heard the call of our crusade and come to deliver ye judgment for thy dirty sins!". At that proclamation, the dirty crew started to panic, however, they probably didn't need to worry. For the buwll ship stopped rocking, Kris and Susie swam away from the mucketeers and started beelining for the Sponge raft with a malicious look in their eyes. "AH! I WAS WRONG!" The other captain yelped, as the front of the raft began to be dragged under the water like it was one of those floaty mats at the public pool. The clean crusaders tried firing their soap streams point blank, but before a sud or bubble could hit a barrier of fluff blocked it all.
"Fluffy shield." Ralsei lamely said, still not floating an inch over to sink any craft.
"Argh, crap baskets!" The dirty captain cried, "Be on your guard men! Those two be magic lake monsters!" Though despite his alarm, an evil grin morphed onto his face, "That makes this all the better! While mine nemesis be dealing with ye lot, I can finally sink him down to Gravey Jones's locker!" With another gesture, he signaled another round of trash balls to be launched at both his enemies, sentencing them all to a dish-watery grave.
"Kris! Susie!" Ralsei shouted in alarm to his teammates as they continued to attempt to flip the sponge raft.
"HEY!" Susie shouted over Ralsei, "WE'RE SEA MONSTERS! NOT LAKE MONSTERS!".
"Sus–" Ralsei tried again before being cut off once more by someone else.
"Wait, then why're ya in a lake?" The clean captain asked, looking rather confused.
"This isn't a lake, dumbass. Lakes are smaller than seas, and this place is huge. So, it's a sea." Susie argued, rather logically, surprisingly.
"Ya damn fool!" The dirty captained growled back, "The seas are salt water, and any large freshwater body be a lake! There's nothing about sizes in their definition. And this water be fresher than my nemesis's underwear, thereby it be a lake!".
Susie seemed to go into shock at this sudden revelation that she completely stopped trying to sink the sponge ship all together, leaving Kris all on their lonesome in their attack. "So we're just some lame lake monsters then?" Susie's voice sounded completely disheartened, as was only appropriate when having all your hopes and dreams shattered. Ralsei face-palmed himself.
"No, Susie." Susie whipped her head around to Kris, who was still trying to sink the raft with their blue, noodle arms. "We can still be sea monsters. We're just an invasive species."
With a light returning to her eyes, Susie blinked away what was totally just dishwater in her eyes and gave a vicious smile. "Hell yeah we are. Now let's invade the crap out of them." Susie immediately got a grip on the large sponges, and together with Kris prepared to lift it up in order to bring it down to capsize the whole ship in one go. All of the cleanners screamed in horror, as they were all about to get dragged down into mildly dirty water. Some even prepared to commit Sudoku, as they risked contamination from the water or the giant trashballs landing around their ship. The trashners were all giving sadistic howls at the plight of their enemy. Ralsei was there too, groaning at the colossal waste of time that had become his life. At least until a light from the heavens split the sky and struck down into the dishwater, sending ripples and bubble foam all across the surrounding area. Once the bubbles settled down, a giant rubber ducky could be seen?
"Avasteth ye worms! I, Rouxls Kaard, willeth defeateth ye scalwageths, and claimeth this seaeth for my Queeneth and Kingeth!" The captain of the rubber ducky proudly declared, as he burst into the plot unannounced with all the subtlety of a wreckingball to much of the clapping and cheering of one of his crew. Specifically, the blue baby high upon the duck's tail in a safely secured baby chair far away from the fighting. The rest of the duck's crew let out a series of groans, as they had been dragged along on this little escapade on their break hour. Captain Kaard dramatically pointed with his cutlass to two other ships, though since there were only two, he just kinda pointed in the middle of empty ocean water, which conveniently had Ralsei right there. "Noweth, prepareth thyselfeth to walketh the metaphoricaleth planketh!". He yelled as his crew lazily started throwing magical diamonds and hearts. Of course, there was only water there, so all the shots missed. Well, nothing was there except.
"BAHHH" Ralsei let out a terrified bleat as some of the shots actually made their mark.
"Rals!" Susie immediately dropped the boat, causing the front half of the sponges to slap down in the water with a mighty 'THWACK'.
"You Bimbos!" Rouxls Screamed at his crew, "You're ruiningeth Lancer's pirate fantasy! Aimeth at the ships not that soggy, screaming…" Rouxls trailed off in his verbal assault as he squinted at Ralsei in the dishwater with muddled recognition. "Actually, you knoweth what?" He eventually spoke in a barely restrained whisper, "Bringeth out the big guneths. FOR ON THIS SEAETH, I, ROUXLS KAARD, WILL HAVE MINEETH VENG-"
"SIR!" The captain of the buwll ship screamed, interrupting his big moment. "First of all, as we just finished explainin' to those invasive species of sea monsters, this here be a LAKE!". The captain spat at the newcomer, "Second of all, ya best leave now. For I already reserved this patch of water to do battle with my nemesis, and ya all are ruinin' it for us both. So, I kindly and respectfully ask ya to leave before I call the department of lake security on yer arses, so my nemesis and me can go back to killin' each other like civilized people!".
Rouxls stared blankly at the other captain, as all the musketeers let out three cheers at their captain's truly intimidating threat. However across in the sponge raft, a dastardly scheme was brewing. The clean captain cackled to himself as his arch nemesis and the sea monsters all seemed to have lost interest in destroying his own ship with the fortunate but still rude arrival of the rubber ducky. As soon as his nemesis scared off this ducky captain or whatever he was, the trashners would find themselves and all their food-stained ship under a powerful soapy assault, as they would come and pierce them from behind. The plan was so devilish that the clean captain couldn't help but cackle and give the biggest grin to whomever was tapping on his shoulder. Who was tapping on their shoulder? The clean captain looked down as a blue person in armor stood before him, and he was mostly sure it wasn't one of his men, or was it? Actually, the dark blue hair did look familiar, though the captain couldn't place it.
"Uh, is there something wrong, uh… me fellow crusader?" The clean captain flawlessly addressed the crewmate (?) despite not knowing their name. However, instead of immediately saying what was wrong, they just watched them for a second before saying anything, pondering something.
"Can I get your sword for a sec? I need to use it." They said in a monotone voice. In fact, the captain could have sworn it was a perfectly single flat note. With an impressed smile at his comrade's clean voice, the captain gave a laugh.
"Of course me brother in arms" The captain said as he tossed the scrublass to the good fellow, "Ye look like ye could use a good shavin' anyway. After all, we're the clean-shaven crusaders, and I won't stand for a single cleanner not being clean shaven!". Though, as the captain thought about it, how did one of his crew have their hair grow back so quickly?
The captain's safety chain being cut by the blade was his first sign that something was amiss. His next was being kicked right into the watery depths, but there wasn't much he could do then. Putting the former captain's pirate hat atop his messy hair, Kris looked back to the crew, their gaze obscured by their hair but still cowing them all the same. "Looks like there's a vacancy for captain on this ship." They stated matter-of-factly, as if they were just pointing out the weather, "I'll be filling that role." The cleanner crew looked around nervously at the sudden destruction of the status quo. Kris whipped their newly acquired sword at the rubber ducky in the distance, "First mission. Sink. That. ship." This time Kris' voice was far colder, and it sent a chill down his men's backs.
"W-what, what did they do?" One of the more foolish Clean Crusaders asked, as they couldn't understand why their new captain held such a hate for a non-trashner being. Of course, they all didn't like those who didn't heed the call of complete cleanliness, but most cleanners, except for radicals like Clancy, had to admit they couldn't spend all their lives chasing down everyone moderately dirty when there were other, dirtier, freaks in the world.
Kris only gave one single answer, "He didn't pay me 400 DD." The crew stood there slack jawed. This person would go to such lengths for 400 DD? They all made double that every week! This wasn't just some madman; this was a true greedy pirate legend.
Over on the other side of the battlefield, Rouxls and the dirty captain were still bickering. "Whateth you mean this ist a laketh?! I thoughteth that thiseth The Great Bathsin!" Rouxls cried out in frustration, his plan of entertaining Lancer with some good old attacking defenseless ships in the water was seemingly sinking down to ruin.
"This is what I hate about ya landlubbers!" The dirty captain cursed, "Ya can't even tell the difference between bodies of water, and even worse, ya Scallywags keep ruinin' my nemesis and me's great duel!" Though with the thought of his ever-hated Nemesis, the dirty captain spared a glance over to the sponge raft, only to see Kris's rapid promotion from sea monster to pirate captain. No other sight could make the dirty captain's jaw hit the lakebed faster, and he was left almost speechless. However, his signal to his men was more than enough. The buwll ship's rower started taking the ship at its max speed charging the sponge raft, and trash balls started firing away once. "Ya–Ya Scalwags! Once I get me hand on ya, I'll- I–I'll take ya straight toward the Lake Bureau and take yar asses to COURT!" He cried both in words and in action.
Back on the sponge raft, Kris looked over the waters, surveying the incoming battle. Their team's 400 DD was coming soon. Or in around an hour, as their newly obtained crew here rowed as slow as a slothes, and that buwll ship was coming at them at a worrying speed. Thankfully backup had arrived as Susie dropped Ralsei off on the boat. "KRIS! What the hell?!" Susie demanded, "I thought we're invading species!?".
Kris waved Susie's reasonable question away. "Sorry. But playtime is over. Rouxls is here."
Ralsei stared flatly at Kris, covered in water and a few wounds from Rouxls's crew "Uh yeah Kris. We noticed-"
"Who the hell is Rules?" Susie tilted her to the side in confusion, interrupting the prince.
"Blue guy with white hair." Ralsei answered as he tried drying himself off with fire magic, "Works for our enemy." Susie stared at Ralsei blankly. Rolling his eyes, the freshly fluffed prince continued, "We met him once before? Says 'Eth' a lot?" Susie blinked. "He babysits Lancer."
"Ooooooh." Susie said with sudden realization, "The guy Kris nutshotted… Wait, wasn't his name Rules-Card?".
"No, Rouxls is spelled with an X." Kris corrected.
"WHY THOUGH" Susie exclaimed in sudden fury. "WHERE WOULD THE X EVEN GO?! AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CARD!?".
"And that's spelled with a K" Kris corrected again.
"WHY DO YOU KNOW THIS?!" Susie snarled in frustration.
"I checked him." Kris flippantly continued, "Anyway Susie, I needed you to push the boat, but it looks like it's too late for that."
Ralsei whipped his head to Kris, fluffing his hair like a pillow. "What does that mean, Kris–" His words were cut short as the buwll ship rammed and pierced into the mass of sponge rafts; its captain screaming bloody murder. Kris's crew immediately aimed to cleanse the dirty ship that literally pierced their vessel, but the newly made captain waved them down. Instead of doing anything sane in the eyes of the crewmates, Kris pointed their finger out at the captain, with hearts flying out for some reason.
The dirty captain stared down at Kris with disgust, "Ya DARE challenge me to a duel?" Kris said nothing in response, but the captain didn't care. Jumping down onto the spongy deck, the captain let out a rough roar, shaking gunk and food bits as he charged Kris with his blade. This turned out to be a bad move, as there was a banana peel that fell out of his beard, which he then slipped on. With his hat flying off his head, the dirty captain slid right past Kris and to the dark dishwaters below.
Kris walked over and calmly picked up the 2nd captain's hat. "I see there's a vacancy in the position of captain on your ship." Kris stated matter of factly. They put the hat on top of their first captain's hat, "I'll fill that position." Both crews looked at the newly proclaimed double captain in utter shock. The captain of a clean crusader ship (no matter if they literally got the job a minute before) trying to become the captain of a trashner ship? Insanity, madness, BLASPHEMY.
"They're a bloody, dirty heretic!" Crewmates of both ships cried out in a mixture of shock, anger, and horror. Scrublassess, Muckets and all sorts of weapons were drawn out as an aura of bloodshed filled the two smashed boats. Susie and Kris pulled out their weapons, readying to put down the insubordination while Ralsei looked on in dread.
"C-come on guys" Ralsei spoke up immediately to try and ease the tension, "Surely, there must be a way we can all get along, right? Or at least not kick us back into the cold water?". The prince gave a nervous smile at everyone welding a weapon, which kinda made him spin around for a bit like some sort of display. It certainly succeeded in getting everyone's attention, though not much else.
"A clean captain can only lead clean men, while a dirty captain leads dirty men! It's the natural order of the world" The trashner named Billy shouted out on the Buwll ship, "You three must choose which side you are on!" Her well-spoken words sent a ripple of agreement between both crews, as they chanted 'Choose!' with two buckets being thrown towards Kris. One filled with food leftovers and other gunk, while the other was filled with pure, unadulterated soap. Ralsei stuttered out a few arguments or pleas for calmer heads that went ignored, as all eyes were on Kris.
Kris looked at either bucket and picked up both, before dumping each one of them on a separate half of their body, with one side filthy and another clean like some gimmicky batman villain. Dropping both buckets, they presented their new form to the surrounding darkners, all of which were completely speechless. They had never seen cleanliness and dirtiness mixed so perfectly; it was unheard of! The double captain was neither clean nor dirty, yet neither not clean nor not dirty. It was like some new state of being entirely!
"Okay, this stupid." Susie groaned at the situation.
"OH OH OH!" Ralsei cried with a sudden inspiration, "Don't you see everyone? You can be both clean and dirty, then you won't have to fight and kill each other anymore. You can all become one people with the best traits of both!" Still, neither faction was swayed over to the prince's arguments; however, there were distinct mutters of confusion and wonder within the crowd. Ralsei pressed his case forward, "I mean, Cleanners, don't you guys get a little tired of the constant upkeep? This path can lighten the load. And Trashners? Don't you want to smell a little less, brush your hair, shed some grease? With this path, you have better hygiene! It's perfect for everyone!". Ralsei's words were starting to get some mutters of agreement; however, one trashner burst into the scene, finally getting over the shock of Kris's actions.
"NO!" screamed Billy, "Don't you see what this handsome seductress is trying to do with our minds?! They're all trying to corrupt us all and destroy the natural order!? We're Trashners, and they're Cleanners!? I would rather die than do anything else, and you should as well my brothers, sisters, and those of unspecified gender!?".
"Anyone who doesn't immediately started getting half clean and half dirty are going to have their pay docked." Kris stated.
…
Ralsei and Susie watched as every single darkner raced to comply.
After all the crew had been indoctrinated, Kris, Susie, and Ralsei turned their attention back to the rubber ducky. It was still there with Rouxls still yelling at his crewmates about something. "Uh, thanks for waiting by the way." Ralsei called out to the Duke of Puzzles, "Though, any chance we can talk you into surrendering?" Kris had already asked Susie to take to pushing the combined sponge rafts/buwll ship to ramming speed, as they sharpened their blade with anticipation. Ralsei tried to put on a disarming smile despite being worried and the fact that their boat was still too far away for Rouxls to see it, "I think for your own safety, you should probably surrender before Kris gets to you."
Rouxls, for his part, didn't seem that concerned, although he had been completely distracted yelling something about an engine or something to his underlings while also somehow entertaining Lancer as nothing really exciting had happened yet. "YES, as long as iteth art runningeth–Wait, you–" He glared at the fluffy boy, "Shuteth up yee sea wench. Just waiteth a mere minuteth and I, Rouxls Kaard, willeth–" One of his hathies ran up to him, and informed him of something. "Oh! Excellent… eth." Rouxls cleared his throat and stood up to dramatically to point at Kris and their new ship/ships, "Quaketh in thine booteths ye outlaws. I, Rouxls Kaard, willeth show you the trueth powereth of this Rubber Ducky! Right. About. Now!". Nothing happened. Rouxls's coughed into his hand. Suddenly gears on the ducky sprung forth with mechanical whirring and bleeping, steam hissing as the Ducky transformed. For you see, this was no ordinary ducky, as besides being an entire boat, it was also a slightly larger than normal mech that was also a boat. With Rouxls's maniacal laughter acting as background music, the Ducky expanded into a terrifying Thrashing Machine. It was also still a duck, and it squeaked with violence. "HAHAHA." Rouxls cackled, "Art thou seeingeth this Lancer, how our enemies art quakingeth in thine boots?".
"Nope." Lancer happily replied with a grin, "I can't see anything!".
Rouxls looked back with some concern, "Why?"
Lancer gave a nasty grin that only the most evilest son could ever give, "Cause I choose to wear two eye patches at once, despite you telling me not to!"
"All crew, fire on the blue cheapskate captain once in range." Kris calmly ordered as their ship approached the Ducky. The closeness of order snapped Rouxls's out of his many distractions. The other captain looked back at the outlaws and their newly obtained clean/dirty crew and saw that they were nearly upon them.
"Quicketh my Minioneths!" Rouxls declared, "Show themeth the powereth of this machineth's box attacketh!"
"B-but sir." One of the Rudinns tried to speak up, but Rouxls silenced him immediately with a stern glare.
"I don'teth careth howeth. Just attacketh alreadyeth!" Screamed Rouxls, as the hybrid ship got increasingly closer. Suddenly a large swarm of boxes appeared over Kris and co's heads and fell all over them!
They all harmlessly fell and bounced off of all of them, as the boxes were empty.
"Owie!" yelped Ralsei, "I think I got a paper or cardboard cut."
…
Mostly harmlessly.
Kris readied their blade as their men aimed at the cursing Duke of Puzzles. "Your mech SUCKS!" shouted Susie from the back of the hybrid ship.
"BOXES?! EMPTY BOXES!?" cried out the captain. But it wasn't Rouxls or Kris that spoke. Over in the water, bobbed the two overthrown captains of the former dirty and clean vessels swimming angrily in the dishwater. "Ya darn fools! Robot mechs?! Combining dirty and clean?! WEARING TWO EYE PATCHES AT ONCE?! YA DESTROYING NATURAL ORDER!".
The clean captain spoke next, "Ye idiots ruined everything, and now look at what ye have done!".
Kris and Rouxls dismissed them easily, blinded by the upcoming conflict. But Ralsei wasn't nearly as foolish. "What do you mean 'what have we done?' What are you looking… at." Ralsei looked up where the two former captains were staring at, and gulped. The prince tugged at Kris's shoulder, "Um, uh Kris?". Kris batted the fluffy paw aside, eyes still locked at Rouxls. "Uh Kris, you should look up." Ralsei said again, "I think we have bigger problems right now." The prince's hand pointed up where he was looking. Kris ignored them once more, as they prepared to engage with the Duke of Puzzles and royal babysitting.
However, Susie did not, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!". Rouxls Kaard and Kris both looked into the sky to see… a mouth. A massive maw that hung overhead in the sky from a long, long neck. A black neck so long that it extended far past any point of reference. In fact, some of that neck must have been some kind of head since it was attached to a mouth, like some kind of eel or tube worm. But instead of being some sea serpent rising from the water, its neck simply hovered far in the sky, as if the sky was its origin. But no matter where its neck came from, it was here and its mouth was almost as large as the entire Buwll ship.
"Ye fools!" Screamed the clean captain once more, "Ye summoned the almighty water bringer, The great lake Faucent!".
Everyone on the two/three ships looked up in shock at the sky. "Wait, where?" Lancer asked, looking around in confusion. Rouxls Kaard, quickly recovering his composure, started laughing to regain his 'confidence.'
"Thoust foolish monstereth I, Rouxls Kaard, don'teth feareth thou! Now fireth mine Minioneths! Showeth iteth this machineeth's powereth!". He cried out with a dramatic pose to the delightful clapping of Lancer.
"Stop putting eth at the end of everything you say!" screamed Susie from the back of the hybrid boat, "It doesn't make you look smarter if you try sounding like a grandpa, it just makes you sound annoying!".
"Ooooh. Burn!" cheered Lancer from the back of the duckie mech.
"I–you-..." Rouxls paused before continuing in a more menacing tone, "Fire at the purple one." At his command, his crew went to work, immediately sending buttons whirring and blinking, until the mouth cannon fired right at Susie! …Fired a small, flying duck that flew a distance before giving up and settling in the water. Rouxls Kaard's mouth dropped open. Then the Faucent reminded everyone of its presence again by extending its head forward by extending its smaller neck stored in its much larger neck to bring its mouth right towards the small duck. Then it fired a massive, high-pressure water stream that obliterated the mech's pitiful attack. THE DUCK WAS DEAD. Rouxls Kaard's jaw practically hit the floor. "RK OUT!" he screamed in a high pitched yelp, as a beam of light struck his entire ship and teleported them all out of there.
The great monster retracted its head back its larger neck and then turned to the hybrid ship, which was now alone in this fight. Water dripped menacingly from the monster.
"Dammit, he got away." Kris cursed, as the rest of their crew shivered in fear from their looming death.
"Uh Kris. Could you please focus on the giant mouth that's going to kill us?" Ralsei asked politely as he stared in distress at the mouth hanging in the sky. Apparently deciding to drop the hunt for Rouxls for this chapter, Kris glanced back at Ralsei and shrugged. Then, out of nowhere, Kris shoved Ralsei forward to the menacing gaping mouth. "K-K-KRIS!?" The prince bleated adorably.
"For your appeasement, please accept this fluffy, huggable prince as your new bride, oh great and mighty Faucent." Kris stated in a monotone, aiming a finger gun towards the sea monster and shooting hearts out for added charm. Everything and everyone was silent for a moment as Ralsei stared out at the rest of them in panic at the proposal. The Faucent went still as it stared down at the cute little fluff boy, before a big red blush grew onto the sides of its head.
"WHAT?!" Ralsei cried in shock even as Kris pumped their arm, plan having succeeded. The rest of the crew looked onto Ralsei with something between awe and fear for charming the mythical beast. Susie groaned with disappointment as the battle had been seemingly averted.
Then, with little warning, the Faucent extended its neck towards Ralsei, approaching the prince almost shyly. "Welp, we're done here. Enjoy your honeymoon." Kris congratulated Ralsei with a pat on the back which inadvertently sent the prince closer to the mouth that was almost on top of him. Ralsei stared up at his apparent new husband coming to gently pick him up with an expression of increasing horror.
"NO!" the fluffy boy screamed out, shocking everyone still once more. Even the Faucent went deathly still. "I–I mean… uh…" Ralsei quickly tried to wrangle his thoughts together as either his life or chastity depended on it, "I–I'm sorry Mr. Faucent, sir. While I'm flattered you think so highly of me, I–uh… don't feel the same way?". The Faucent's head suddenly shot back a few feet at the words, distancing itself from Ralsei. "But." Ralsei continued, making the monster's head tentatively inch forward. "It probably could have never worked out between us. I mean, I don't even like tubes, and I-I think you would probably crush me since you're so heavy…" Ralsei trailed off. Almost in slow motion, the recently jilted sea monster looked at Ralsei dead on, and then sent a high power water laser right at the cruel heartbreaker. That would have been that for the lonely prince, if not for a purple claw pulling him back at the last moment. The beam of water still went through, slamming right into buwll ship and knocking the hybrid ships back a ways, though the Faucent simply extended itself a little further to prepare another attack. "S-Susie?" Ralsei cried in confusion at the sudden violence.
"Yeah, THIS is why we should just thrash these weirdos as soon as we meet them, and none of this groveling and weak crap!" Susie growled, baring her large yellow teeth. "Now, let me show you how it's done! RUDE BUSTER!" Susie dramatically charged her axe with purple rude energy before swinging it upward, releasing a massive, destructive wave of energy. The energy sailed forth, uselessly to the horizon as the Faucent simply moved out of the way from the party's only ranged attack. "WHAT!?" Susie screeched at the sight, "THAT'S CHEATING, ONLY WE'RE ALLOWED TO DODGE!".
As Susie screamed curses, Ralsei let out a sigh, not bothering to correct her. "Uh, KRIS! We could use a plan right about now!'' The prince instead called out to his other companion, who simply gave a thumbs up before leaving immediately to go to the buwll part of the hybrid ship. "KRIS!" Ralsei cried.
"Relax, I got a plan. Just distract the monster with your seductive charms so it can't dodge my attack." Kris finally called out, just as they were lifting themselves up into the buwll, leaving Ralsei and Susie alone with the beast.
"Let's see you take this!" Susie screamed once more, swinging her axe upwards to shoot out another Rude Buster. Nothing happened, though the Faucent still dodged. Susie had simply swung without single speck of purple rude energy to be seen, although that didn't stop her from repeating the motion.
Not even trying to explain to Susie how they were going to need more time to get enough tension points to cast a rude buster, Ralsei gave a try at defeating the monster. Looking around for help, Ralsei saw that the rest of the crew had assumed fetal positions, and were cowering on deck. So it was all up to him to save the day. "S-so, I know you're upset about my… rejection? But, can't we just be friends?" Ralsei desperately tried reasoning with the monster once more. Now being friendzoned after being rejected, the Faucent looked directly at Ralsei before extending its head to take a bite out of the heart breaking prince. "AH! SUSIE! HELP MEEEEE!" The fluffy boy cried as he was chased around the boat.
"HA! GOT YOU NOW!" Susie triumphantly roared, running up to the sea monster's head. With a great overhead strike, Susie brought her axe down on the armored head of the Faucent just as it was about to get its teeth into Ralsei, only for the blade to bounce off of the thick armored head of the legendary sea monster. Fortunately, while the blade of the axe was useless, the force of the blow still managed to knock the Faucent's mouth clean off the ship. Ralsei, who had tripped over one of the cowering crewmates, cheered at the rescue. "DAMN IT! IT'S OUT OF RANGE AGAIN!?" Susie screeched, much less thrilled about the results of the clash as she began mindlessly swinging her axe around in frustration. She may have been right to be frustrated as the Faucent cautiously kept its distance from the 'heroes' or more accurately Susie.
"Oh god! Not you again!" screamed out a probably-not-familiar voice from the trash can-non of the buwll ship, causing everyone's, sea monster included, heads to face towards the noise.
"Oh! That must be Kris's plan!" Ralsei quickly deduced, "We're going to need to distract the Faucent." Though, it only took one brief look to see that they were failing miserably at that, as the beast had its sight exactly on where Kris was most likely at. A glance showed Ralsei that Susie was trying her best to stick to the plan by swinging her axe wildly to draw the creature's attention, but it wasn't working. However, Ralsei, being the skilled magician he was, had the perfect spell for the task. "Magic Pom Poms!" Ralsei boldly yelled, summoning his trusty pompoms to each paw. Once armed and ready, Ralsei executed a dance routine from the Charlie Brown Chrismas Special he had memorized and practiced. Judging on how everyone was now staring at him, Ralsei considered it a huge success.
"Why am I with you again?" Susie asked rhetorically, as she tried desperately to not die from cringe. The Faucent also slowly started backing away. However, neither were prepared for Kris to suddenly shoot out from the ship on flying garbage, slamming directly into the Faucent's face. While the initial hit of the trash scattered most of the junk away into the dish water, Kris stuck onto that thing's face like a monkey hugging a tree trunk, just like the dirty ape they were. Before the Faucent could understand what was happening, the human deftly crawled up the face and planted their newly acquired scrublass into a specific spot on the beast's head, a spot with two noticeable bumps. Kris had jammed their blade into the bottom one, pressing the bump down like a button while getting their sword stuck inside the beast. With a cry of pain, the beast roiled in agony.
"Nice Kris! Make it suffer!" Susie cheered with a vicious grin. The Faucent turned to the ships to prepare another high pressure water laser in a fit of rage. "Damn it Kris!" Susie u-turned as soon as the beast took aim. However, instead of a water beam of death, the two other heroes were showered in a torrential downpour, so it was an improvement? "GOD DAMN IT KRIS!" Susie roared over the rain. The Faucent started turning the rain off and on again, seemingly just as confused at why it couldn't shoot its water lasers anymore.
"Oh cool, that button did something helpful." Kris commented as they hung from their sword, apparently in the dark just as much as everyone else despite it being their plan.
"Oh, I see!" Ralsei exclaimed, "Good thinking Kris! Now it can't attack us from range. It has no choice but to come and bite us again, where Susie can actually hit it." Kris would have given a reply or at least a thumbs up, if not for the Faucent extending its neck and slapping its head down to the water in an attempt to knock the human off. "..." Ralsei stared at the scene in embarrassed shock, "... Or it could do that…"
While Ralsei sat dumbfounded on what to do as Kris barely hung despite the beast making world record belly flops with its head, Susie suddenly had a flash of inspiration. The Faucent was using its own head like a mace, slamming it into the water to make waves. But it could only do that since its extended smaller neck was so flexible, which meant it had to be the sea monster's weak point. With a nasty smirk, Susie recalled the important lessons her mother had drilled into her as she leaped off the boat. "I gotta aim for the vitals!" Susie roared triumphantly as she struck the water.
"I'm sorry WHAT?!" Ralsei asked, understandably confused as his only other companion ditched him.
Susie was like a shark crashing through the turbulent waters, crashing through waves like a sledgehammer through drywall. In only a matter of a minute, the true mightest and purpliest sea monster had reached where the beta Faucent had been slamming its head into the water. When the time was right, Susie burst out of the water with a thunderous roar and quite literally bit down on the soft neck of the Faucent. Once secured, the mean girl began wailing on the neck with her axe, hitting it over and over again until water began pouring out of the wound. If Kris's sword attack made the Faucent squirm in agony, this wound made it spasm in sheer bone numbing, shock-inducing pain. It was enough pain in fact that the Legendary Faucent was done with this fight. Immediately retracting its inner neck into its hard, armored outer neck (which coincidentally also knocked Susie off), the great beast retreated back into the sky, fleeing from the battle. With that, the battle was won, and the heroes gained 4000 DD which rained down from the sky, along with Kris who may or may not have let go of the retreating Faucent to dive for the money.
One of the crew on the hybrid ship timidly looked up from praying to whatever being would listen to see the scene in front of them all. There was their current captain in the dish waters scrambling for the falling money. The sea monster Susie screaming out in victory while also in the dish water. Then the heartbreaker standing relieved on the deck, with his former spouse nowhere to be seen. "A-are we safe, d-did you save us from the legendary sea monster?" the crewmate asked the dark prince, as they worriedly looked around.
Sensing the general fear coming from the rest of the crew, Ralsei gave a warm, comforting smile to put them at ease, "Don't worry, we managed to drive it off. You're all safe now."
"From the threat that you guys summoned?" Another one of the crewmates asked, as more of the crew were getting up from their fetal positions.
Ralsei's smile became rather strained at that rather on-point criticism, "Uh, yeah. But we still managed to drive it off?". The crew began to surround the prince, forcing him to walk back near the edge of the hybrid boat.
"Hey, didn't they also threaten to dock our pay before to force us into a new state of being, after forcibly taking control of our ships?" Another one of the crew asked rhetorically. Ralsei laughed nervously, desperately trying to think of a way to settle the disgruntled crew before one crewmate kicked the poor prince of the boat.
"QUICK! SET SAIL!" the former trashner Billy cried out to the rest of the crew who were now suddenly quick to get back to their stations, "WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE DOUBLE CAPTAIN AND THEIR SEA MONSTER CLIMB BACK ON!". With that, the newly liberated half-clean half-dirty crew sailed as fast as they could towards the horizon, leaving the three 'heroes' soaking wet in the terrible dish water.
After summoning some fluffy floaties, Ralsei swam back to his comrades who had been too distracted to help him with the crew. "Hey guys, I could have used your help back… Is Kris okay?" Ralsei had been about to harshly berate his friends for not helping him retain control of their nice and dry ship, but his train of thought was completely derailed after looking at Kris. The young lightner was emotionlessly staring at their own hands as if in complete shock. They weren't even trying to keep themselves afloat, and if it weren't for Susie holding on to the human, they would have surely let the rippling depths consume them.
"Turns out Dark Dollars dissolve in water." Susie grumpily explained while using one arm to hold Kris like how one might hold onto their favorite golf bag that was disguised as an unidentifiable bag so no one knows you like to play golf. "So all that hard work I did was for nothing." Susie grumbled before she began looking around in mild confusion, "Wait. What happened to the ship we won?!" Apparently Ralsei's immediate grimace was enough for Susie to figure out what happened as she hit the water in a frustrated growl. "Great! Just great! So we got nothing from this whole ordeal!".
Ralsei gave a very awkward and nervous laugh at that, which made Susie turn to the prince with a harsh, questioning look. "More like less than nothing?" Ralsei attempted to bring his bad news with a joke. Susie looked less than amused.
Suddenly breaking out of their comatose state(?), Kris slowly turned to face Ralsei, "Explain."
Instead of saying anything, Ralsei pulled out the pockets of his dress, revealing the dissolved remains of their previous winnings from Omega Trashy. "We lost all our money the moment we fell into the lake." Ralsei reluctantly explained.
"You didn't use a waterproof bag to protect your wallet from water damage?" Kris asked.
Ralsei scrunched up his adorable, wet face in confusion, "No? D-did, you?" Kris pulled out a plastic bag from this pocket, with all the kromer safely stored inside without a speck of water, except for the one kromer that was glitching through the bag but that was besides the point. Point made, Kris simply stopped talking to anyone, and returned to their self-imposed comatose state.
At the news being broken, a full blown scowl had grown on Susie's face, which made Ralsei shrink back from the sudden guilt of not having a waterproof bag. But unlike the purple dino, Ralsei knew a thing or two about losing, and at least what could make it sting a little less.
"I mean, it wasn't all bad was it? Think about all the fun we had along the way, and how cool you were defeating the great Faucent." Ralsei consoled the mean girl. Although she turned away from his praises, Ralsei swore he could see the faintest bit of a smile on her face, which was a victory in his book.
"Yeah, whatever. But next time let's go to someplace normal, so the only weirdos I have to deal with are you guys." Susie replied like the tsundere she is, which made Ralsei smile.
"Weirdos?! Ya land lubbers are the weirdos!" cried one of the former captains who were swimming nearby. "Yah, ye all bursting into ar turf and bringing yer strange, unnatural customs and spitting on ar traditions!" The other former captain growled. While the two captains were formerly a clean and a dirty captain, soaking in the dishwater had made those distinctions rather meaningless, much like their purpose in life now they were just some random dudes.
Susie scoffed at their former enemies, being true to her word of not wanting to deal with any more weirdos. However, Ralsei let out a sigh and engaged the two in conversation since there was something on his mind. "Hey, I do have to ask, but what do you mean about tradition? The last time I was here, this place was so nice and peaceful. There weren't any clean crusade or pirate battles? So what happened?".
The former pirate captains shared a knowing look before turning back to the wet prince, "So ye know of the dark age, eh? What a horrible time. Two 'heroes' came and saved us all from the great tyrant of the previous age, bringing peace to the Sinken Lands. AND THEN, they had the gall to go do all these side quests to solve ALL AR troubles, the bastards." The ex-captain spat into the water in disgust.
"Dark age?! How could you call such a peaceful time a dark age?!" Ralsei bleated, uncharacteristically angered at their words.
"'CAUSE IT WAS BORING!" The other ex-captain answered, "What were we to do with all our troubles fixed?! Nothin! We lost all purpose. Nothin but suds floating aimlessly on still dishwashers. At least till a great prophet came to us and revealed the truth: That we could make our own conflict. We could bring back purpose to our lives by making ourselves civilized men and doing all the civilized things like havin' wealth gaps, strict social hierarchy, political corruption, bein' racist, and commitin' genocide. Just like real civilized men." The two ex-captains who were apparently on different sides of their conflict nodded their heads in agreement at the bold statement, as Ralsei did everything in his power to stop his jaw from hitting the lake bed.
"T-that's not being civilized! That's, like, the opposite of being civilized. Civilized people should be caring for their common man and making sure everyone can live happy lives." Ralsei refuted their political beliefs in a strange mix of confusion, horror, and anger.
One of the ex-captains scoffed at the prince, "Really?! Now ye sounding like Clancy. What, should we workin to make a society where everyone's equal and no one has to fight too?".
"I mean, something like that. Maybe you should listen to Clancy more instead of doing… this." Ralsei answered, trying desperately to correct these horrible world views.
Both ex-captains looked really surprised at Ralsei's words, "Really? Ye want us to kill everyone else so there's only trashners or only clean darkners so there's no one else we have to fight? … Yer a weird lad, mate."
It took a moment for Ralsei to fully react to that sudden revelation, but eventually he found the words. "NOOOO!" the prince practically screamed at the other darkners, "No! I mean you stop attacking people. Live in peace. Get a hobby!".
The two ex-captains laughed at the prince and his naive platitudes, "And lose ar purpose? Ye are just like them'heroes' from before. Nay, ye are even worse. At least those two 'heroes' could make things better. All ye have done is make things worse."
Ralsei started to deny what they said, but the other ex-captain interrupted him, "Ya already hurt the Great Faucent. The Faucent ain't evil; it was just trying to restore order and ya cut open its neck! Then ya terrified yer own crew so much, they ditched ya. Does that sound like the acts of a hero?"
"N-no. I-I… I-I just w-wanted…" Ralsei stuttered a denial, but it couldn't come. His eyes were getting wet from more than just dishwater now.
"RUDE BUSTER!" Susie's shout crash ended the interaction, as a large purple wave of rude energy blasted the two ex-captains far away from the lonely, sad prince. Before Ralsei could object or protest Susie's violent action, she had already grabbed the prince and carried him in the same arm that Kris's limp body rested, crushing the two of them together in a tight, accidental one armed hug. "Seriously." Susie continued swimming in some random direction, "Don't talk to crazy people. I've had enough of you guys attracting these weirdos to us, so the next time I see one, I'm going to launch the jerk into space before they get too close, got it?". Her reassurance was rough, but Ralsei got the gist of what she was saying. Despite not being able to speak and carrying a heavy heart, Ralsei gave a small smile to his friend.
Stats
Rank:
Kris: *Double Captain: LV1*
Susie: *Invasive Sea Monster: LV1*
Ralsei: *Legendary Heartbreaker: LV1*
Equipment:
Kris: *Left sword on Legendary Sea Monster*, Frayed bowtie x2
Susie: Mane Axe
Ralsei: Red Scarf (soaked), Frayed bowtie
Items: Cell Phone, Thorn Ring, Egg, x5, Double Captain Hat(s), Broken Sword, Empty Disk.
Money: 123^9563 486 Kromer, 0 DD (Hello Brokeness my old friend)
Author's Note: Thanks for reading chapter 3 of Three Heroes or Something. This is the final chapter that I had prewritten, so all future chapters are going to come out in a much slower pace, so please favorite the story if you wanted to follow its developments. But regarding this chapter, it has to be the longest chapter out all of them, which I hadn't intended since I had only planned out like three-ish main events. But, that's what happens when you have a little too much fun writing the characters of this adventures. Anyway, I don't plan on having future chapters being this long, but I hoped you enjoyed it anyway. Thanks for reading.