I4.6

Chapter 14: Friendship

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Adult themes. DO NOT read if you are underage or dislike controversial things.

Author's Note: I'm back! Just a reminder that even though we're 14 chapters deep, it's only been about 6 days in story time. Just enough time for characters to start noticing Richard's strangeness, but they've got other concerns right now.

Love.

What exactly is it? An emotion? A chemical imbalance in the brain? An obsession? All of the above? Who really knows. Richard never gave much thought to romantic love. He knew about parental love. The distinctly sweet yet painful memories of his mother's arms wrapped around him as he dozes off. Or his father's deep encouraging voice as he learns to bend and contort himself beyond what he thought his limits were. There are fading memories of other people who he once considered "family" before the death that started him down this darker path. It's always the little things that stick out in his mind of the past. Certain smells trigger feelings of warmth and contentedness, like the smell of fresh baked bread. One of the older women, who also traveled and performed with the circus, used to bake often or whenever she got the chance. In Richard's memories, she was covered in tattoos and piercings from head to toe. Her dresses were always kept as short as her dark hair. She could have been the poster woman for a Gothic pinup model. He vaguely recalls watching her swallow knives during a performance. Wondering how she doesn't cut herself as the sharp blade slips down her willing throat. He had seen her do it a hundred times, but there was something about that particular show with it's sensual lighting, her short dress and ample cleavage. That particular moment had made a young Richard feel...hot and confused. In retrospect, she might have been his first little crush. His first brush with lust.

Richard isn't a child anymore. He knows that what he felt was the first stirrings of arousal towards a dangerous woman do can do dangerous things. That would explain why he has almost always been attracted to women who are more powerful than him. There aren't many who can compete with him in society because of his connections to the Wayne family, but in the super hero arena, there is no doubt that his eyes seek out the women who can do damage. Starfire is prime example of that. Everyone had no choice but to recognized her destructive capabilities the first time that they meet her. She is not ashamed of what she can do, either. He couldn't help but to focus on her the first time they crossed paths. She is even more beautiful now than she was back then. A tall woman with a sculpted body; a beautiful blend of seductive curves and toned muscles. When she takes him into her arms, she can just as easily crush his spine, as cradle him like a child. When she kissed him to acquire their language, he became smitten at her boldness. The feel of her lips had caught him off guard, but the pull of power from that connection was intoxicating. In that moment, he had put her on a pedestal of perfection in his mind's eye. When he realized that she liked him back, he thought that maybe there might be hope for a "normal" life. Well, as normal as you can get with an alien princess who can fly and shoot fire bolts from the palm of her hands. He had built her up in his head as everything that he wanted a woman to be. Beautiful, smart, kind, thoughtful, dangerous, sensual…

Unfortunately, the more that he got to know Starfire, the more he started realizing the cracks in his fantasy woman. No one can deny her outstanding good looks or the fact that she is one of the kindest people he has every met, but there are some things that just cannot be overlooked. When they acknowledged that they liked each other as more than just friends, she became aggressively clingy. She wanted to be everywhere that he was; do everything that he did. It was cute and a bit endearing at the beginning, but it didn't take long for it to become oppressive. He understood that she is a stranger in a strange land and did not understand the customs of planet Earth. He also understood that she did not know very many people here so she suctioned herself to him like he was her life line. He can sympathize with that. He remembered how alone and lost he felt when his parents died and he was no longer a part of the only other family he had ever known. She latched on to him like he did to Bruce when they first met. It had fed his ego for a short while. Then, it began draining his patience. He is a solitary creature who is also a raging workaholic, which is something she has a hard time respecting. She is the complete opposite of him in many respects. He had thought to rationalize it by claiming that opposites attract, but there were too many fundamental differences between them that he just cannot ignore. His biggest concern is her inability to realize that there is a difference between the superhero named Robin and the man who is called Richard.

What he felt for Starfire cannot be classified as romantic love. It is more like a kinship. He doesn't wish her harm or want to see her hurt, but he also knows that he cannot be the man she wants, needs and deserves. Just like she cannot bring him peace and contentment. He would not have realized that if it wasn't for Rachel. The same time he was falling out of interest with Starfire, he was falling into obsession with the quiet goth girl who hides a plethora of insecurity issues behind books and dry sarcasm. Richard is not even sure if he can call what he feels towards Rachel as "love." True love. Pure love. The love that Hollywood blockbusters and rom-coms are made of. If those were representations of real love, then what Richard felt towards his petite teammate is not that. Would real love drive a man to drug his rival? Does real love feel as jealous as he does at the thought of her enjoying herself with another man? Should real love make him want to back her in a corner and strip her bare? Physically, mentally and emotionally? Make her crawl to him on her hands and knees to beg for his attention? Would real love make him want to lock her up so that he can make sure that she is safe and sound? So that her eyes, ears, heart and mind is focused only on him. That's not what he was told "real love" is like. His intentions and feelings run deeper and darker than any of that lighthearted fluff.

Richard would not classify what he feels towards Rachel as "love," in the traditional sense. All he can say for certain is that these emotions are genuine and that they are having real influences on his mental health and actions. Is it worth it to jump through all of these hoops for one woman? One woman who may not even view him as a man? Rachel would probably run from his desires. Hide from the intensity of his needs. But, then again, she hasn't exactly backed away from him yet. Is she really worth all of this trouble?

The door Richard is standing in front of swings open and his eyes land on her. Yes, she is worth all of this trouble and more. His senses pick up the scent of old books and burning incense. The petite woman with violet hair looks up at him with questions, concerns and...was that a bit of anger?... in her eyes. She cocks her pretty head to side, which makes her straight short hair sway with the movement. Her violet eyebrows are squished together. Her petite frame is standing defiantly before him with a wide legged stance and her arms are crossed over her chest. It just makes him hyper aware that she is still bra-less. He can't quite read her when she is this defensive so Richard is not sure how to proceed with this conversation that needs to happen.

Her deeper feminine voice interrupts his musings with, "How long are you planning to just stand out here?"

"Until you let me in?" he responds as meekly as he can while holding her black bra and vitamin K cream as a peace offering. It is true. He has been standing outside her door for quite a while thinking about her. Thinking about the best way to smooth over and explain away some of his behaviors in the medic bay. He hadn't thought that things would turn out like this, so hadn't planned for it like he normally would have. He was too busy contemplating what love is and whether or not he felt it for this young woman.

She sighs deeply as she takes the items out of his hand and steps aside to let him in. This is not a conversation that should be happening in the hallway, but he is still mildly surprised that she would let him in her bedroom. Especially, in light of what happened yesterday. He can still feel the touch of her soft hands on the sensitive skin of his body. Can still remember the blush on her face as she removed his pants and the curious glances at his physique when he laid, almost naked, on his bed. That feels so long ago, but that's probably because a lot has happened since yesterday morning. He learned about the kiss and what she did Saturday night, spent the day plotting and planning, drugged his teammate, wrestled with and left bruises on his love and dealt with the aftermath of very sick teammate. Richard suddenly feels very tired.

He follows her into her room and decides to perch himself on the edge of her desk while she sits on her bed. Head hanging low and hands clasp in her lap as she waits for him to begin. Neither one of them really knowing what to say in this moment. Do they address what is happening with Beastboy? Richard's reaction to it? His strange behavior these last couple of days?

"Dick…I'm worried," she starts. She is looking at him with concern shining through her violet eyes. The gem in her forehead is glittering in the low light of the room. Richard decides to take the safe route and talk about their comrade first.

"He's sleeping soundly, right now. Cyborg is with him, so you know that nothing will happen on his watch," Richard says in a low, soothing voice. The type of voice that portrays authority and assurance. It's worked for him many times before.

"That's what concerns me," she sighs again, "Why is he so calm around Cyborg...and even you, but gets riled up when he sees me?"

"…" Richard is confused. He's not quite sure what she is talking about. "I don't understand what you mean."

"He...he was agitated when I was holding him upright when he just woke up. Kept whispering in my ear to be careful of you and that you were bad. The more I told him to rest, the more upset he became so I just told him what he wanted to hear," she looks to Richard with worry in her eyes. Was she afraid that she did something wrong? She didn't do anything, but of course, typical Rachel will blame herself for anything negative that happens.

"I don't think that was it, Rachel. I don't think being upset with you was what triggered him to shift," Richard replies. She couldn't have known that it was the combination of seeing the both of them together and holding hands that triggered Beastboy's animalistic side. Richard is sure that she knows that there is tension between the changeling and him, but she probably doesn't realize the extent or the depth of their battle of wills.

"I don't understand, Dick," she says while shaking her head slowly and lowers her gaze to the floor. "He was fine with you when you tucked him in bed. You were talking to him and touching him and he didn't have the same reaction as when he had interacted with me."

Richard realizes that Rachel thinks that Beastboy's aggression is directed to her, instead of him. Now this is an interesting development. He decides to probe for more information. "Why do you think that?"

She looks sad as her eyes focuses in on the handle of her dresser's draw. Her mind is thinking about the things that she wants to say. "Well...he has been acting weird since Saturday. I'm not sure how to describe it, but he was clinging to me all day. Like he was attached to my hip. Then, Saturday night happened and he was even more clingy on Sunday. That's why I'm not sure how he got sick, but I didn't. We practically spent all of our time together."

This new bit of information causes Richard to frown. "I thought you said that nothing happened on Saturday night."

Rachel quickly glances at Richard's face before looking away. He was trying his best to keep his expression neutral so that she would feel safe enough to share more. Inside, he was seething and he is sure that she can feel it.

"Don't do that, Dick. I'm not trying to fight you and your over protectiveness right now. Not while Beastboy is lying sick in bed and we don't know why this happened," Rachel says while still not looking at him and rubbing her forehead. Richard is holding onto the corners of the desk that he is perched on. His long fingers clenching around the edges hard enough to make his hand hurt.

"I'm not being over protective. You know…," he pauses so that he can choose his words carefully, "...you know that some men don't have your best interest at heart. That they'll use you because of what you can do. I worry about you. You know that."

"Oh, come on! You make it sound like all men are like that. I've known Beastboy for as long as I've known you. If I can't trust him, then who can I trust?" she asks. Me, Rachel, you should only trust me.

"Did something happen on Saturday or Sunday that makes you think he was poisoned?" Richard asks while trying to take the bite out of his words. Doesn't she realize that just because she knows someone for a long time doesn't mean she can trust them whole heartedly? She and the changeling aren't a good match. They aren't compatible at the fundamental levels that make a relationship work. Just like Starfire and himself.

Rachel looks at him again. Assessing how much more to reveal and how much to keep to herself, but Richard isn't having any of that. "I need to know, Rachel. Tell me everything. There could be an important clue hidden somewhere. You know the devil always hides in the details."

She looks up to the ceiling before slowly closing her eyes. "He was drinking...a lot. And...well...he can't hold his liquor well. He was stumbling all over the place and slurring. I didn't want to leave him by himself."

Rachel pauses when she sees how deeply Richard is frowning. He knew that they were enjoying themselves at this party, but to become sloppy drunk was unacceptable. Especially, when he considers the fact that they are superheroes and are on call at all times. Beastboy is also the youngest member of the team, so he really had no business consuming so much alcohol.

"He just wanted to let his hair down, Dick. You know that this job is stressful and none of us has really had a 'childhood' because of it," Rachel says softly into the space between them. She isn't wrong. Every member of this team has had this lifestyle thrust onto them in one way or another. She continues with, "Anyway, he was...sampling just about everything at the bar. I didn't want to leave him by himself in case something happened with his disguise. Someone would notice the normal looking boy changing into a green Titian."

That's right, Richard remembers that Beastboy was in disguise that night. His appearance is based off of what he probably would have looked like if he hadn't been injected with that serum. He remembers that the young man was looking for a good time and dragged Rachel to a house party that she had no business being at. She did the right thing by making sure no one found out his true identity. How could they possibly explain away that shift to the public? Richard and Rachel are the two team members who are able to blend in the easiest. He looks like an average man that spends too much time at the gym and she looks like a typical goth girl with a glittery gemstone in the center of her forehead for fashion. Cyborg is made out of very noticeable metal and Starfire's whole physique demands attention.

"So...he consumed a lot of different types of alcohol throughout the night. Did he eat anything? Snort or smoke anything that he shouldn't have?" asks Richard. If there are other drugs in his system then it could explain some of the intense reactions the changeling is experiencing.

"Not anything that I saw. I don't even think he ate much. That's why he was able to get so sloppy drunk. He almost threw up on my shoes," she says as she makes a face at the memory.

"So, you think that there's a chance that he might have been poisoned during that party?"

"Probably. That's the only opening I can think of...unless someone has the ability to sneak into our home and do that," Rachel supplies.

"Were you approached by any strangers?" Richard asks. He knows how Beastboy was drugged, so this was no longer questioning to solve a mystery, but to satisfy his curiosity. There is so much being left unsaid about that night that his inner detective wants to root around some more; like a shark smelling blood in the water.

Richard is processing all of this information and comparing it to what he saw earlier in the medic bay. However, he can't seem to shake the feeling that she is not telling him everything that happened that night. He also knows that if he gives Rachel the opportunity to weasel her way out of telling him, then she would take it.

He finds himself striding across the room and standing in front of her. His right hand shoots out like lightening and gently grasps her small chin. Firmly tugging her head up to look him in the eye. His gaze is penetrating her while his voice calmly asks, "Did Beastboy try to do anything to you?"

His steady voice causes her to shiver. It is at complete odds with the emotions that he is vibrating with. This level of disjointedness has always concerned the team's empath. It just highlights some of Richard's less pleasant attributes. His disconcerting tone and posture, coupled with that heavy question has Rachel fidgeting nervously in his hand. Watching her squirm on the edge of her bed, in her very own room, brings him some pleasure in this moment of tension. It makes him feel good to know that he can get such a rise out of the normally stoic young woman. That he can assert his dominance while standing in her turf. That she lets him do this to her. It's that key fact that makes moments like these so...addictive. A powerful woman, like Raven, submitting to his demands.

But that's not entirely true. Raven, the mysterious vigilante with the dark powers, isn't who is sitting before him right now. It is Rachel. The young woman who battles her abandonment issues daily and who is constantly looking for validation from the people she loves. It just so happens that one of those people is Richard. He is currently the most prominent member of her little makeshift family. The one that she is the closes to and listens to the most. But, Richard is beginning to suspect that she is starting to broaden her horizons and seek other types of friendships elsewhere. The rational and sane side of him knows that he should be proud that she feels comfortable and confident enough to spread her wings like this. However, there is a dark voice in his head that keeps whispering the worse case scenarios in his ear. That she will leave him like his parents did. That she will abandon him like the circus did. That she will replace him like Bruce has done countless times with each new Batboy he takes under his wing.

No, you can't leave me Rachel. You can't leave me as much as I can't leave you.

"Your silence says he did," Richard says as he gives her jaw a little shake. Almost likes he wants to loosen the words from her mouth. Rachel frowns at the action and slaps his hand away from her face.

"What's with you?" she demands, frowning. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Acting like what?" Richard asks. Genuinely confused. He's just working towards their mutual self interests.

"You...your...different," she says as she stands and moves away from him. His presence standing over her suddenly feels suffocating. "Lately, your emotions have been," she swallows before saying, "darker."

Her eyes glaze over a bit as she says the last part. Richard has seen this look before. Her mind is taking her down a very dark tunnel and who knows what thoughts wait for her on the other side.

He attempts to get her attention before her own mind sucks her in. "Rachel, look at me."

As he waits for her to look at him, he finds his way to her side and gently grasps her elbow. Feeling compelled to maintain touch with her. His callous fingers wrap around the joint and feels the delicate bones flex beneath them. He doesn't squeeze or hold her too tightly. Just enough for her to know that he is there. That she is physically not alone. With all of the stress and tension in the air, he is not surprised that her mind is ready to take her to darker places.

When she finally does look at his face Richard says, "You have to talk to me. Explain it to me. It's the only way I can understand."

She absentmindedly nods her head as he leads her to sit at her desk. From his experience, she is more forthcoming when like this. Don't forget the brush, Richard thinks to himself as he reaches for her hair brush in the top draw of her vanity. As much as Rachel likes to portray herself as a "don't touch me" kind of person, she actually craves physical attention. At least Richard can remember his mother's soothing touch and hugs, but Rachel's upbringing had been more stringent. She had once let slip that the monks of Azarath hated grooming her longer hair and insisted that she keep it short for the sake of cleanliness and convenience. When he asked her why she didn't grow it out, she teared up a little when she explained that she doesn't know how to manage longer hair and that it'll just get in the way. It was an excuse for a deeper issue that she wasn't ready to talk about, but Richard had let it go in the moment. She wasn't ready to share that deeper meanings with him, yet.

Right now, he is more interested in gathering information about the developing relationship between the green beast and the empath. They can tackle her past traumas later, when the dust has settled and she is completely tucked under his wing. Until then, he is slowly running his fingers through her hair to release any major knots before combing through with the brush. "What do you mean by I've gotten 'darker?'"

"…" his question is met by silence, but he knows that he has to wait her out. Give her time to process all of the emotions that she is picking up on and to untangle it from her own. So, he continues to gently rake the brush through her silky hair as he waits for her to speak. Slightly annoyed that he can't see her face.

"Did something happen to you over the weekend, Dick?" she asks.

"Besides catching a bad food bug, nothing too eventful," is his reply as he uses his fingers to gently unravel a knot. She shakes her head.

"I don't believe that. Something else had to have happened. I find it hard to believe that Wayne Manor would serve their guests subpar or expired food," she retorts.

"I don't know what you mean, Rachel. It was an uneventful night for me. I got dressed, learned that I forgot a report, contacted you to do it for me, enjoyed the gala and went to bed," is how Richard recounts that very eventful night. He is shamelessly downplaying all of the emotional turmoil of that moment in his life. His raging jealousy at the thought of her spending her free time with two men instead of safe and sound at home, like she should be. His roaring libido that had him masturbating to a strain of her hair and envisioning ways to teach her much needed lessons. Even now, those violet strains of hair are taunting him with how good they feel under his touch. How easy it would be to bury his fingers in her roots and force her head to the side to expose her tender neck to him.

"Then why are you giving off so many more...intense emotions? Even now, you feel...darker," she says as she angles her face upward to look at him with a question in her eyes. Richard isn't quite sure how to answer this question. He knows that these emotions that she is politely describing as "darker" has always been there. They've always lived just under the surface but he was really good as suppressing them. Rationalizing them away before burying them deep in the back of his mind.

"I'm not sure how to answer that. I don't think that I've changed that much," Richard responds, but feels Rachel shake her head beneath his hands.

"Everyone has dark emotions from time to time. That's normal. It's what makes a person human. Even with you, I've felt moments of passion, rage, jealousy, anger and the like, but they never lasted very long. This is the first time I've felt so much consistent…," she says the last part slowly "intensity from you."

Richard finds himself swallowing hard under her expectant gaze. She wants to know why these particular emotions are rising to the surface. Does she not think that she's the reason why?

"Dick, what happened while you were away this weekend?" she asks again. "You came home different. You've been...touching me more." She pauses and frowns as she rolls her shoulders back and feels the bruising before continuing with, "More aggressively."

Richard notices that she omits the sexual undercurrent of their more recent encounters. Maybe she isn't comfortable with addressing it yet or, he hopes, she doesn't mind that his intentions with her aren't always pure. In those highly charged moments, she was still willing to help a friend. Even now, he is standing behind her, actively touching her and she hasn't blasted him out of her space, yet. Should he interpret this as a sign that she is willing?

His fleeting hope was crushed when she quietly murmurs, "You have to be careful. You don't want Starfire getting the wrong idea...or Beastboy"

"What do they have to do with what goes on between us? We have our own relationship that is independent of the team. Why are you so worried about their opinions?" Richard asks with a bit of frustration creeping into his voice. She always involved their teammates like she needs to tip toe around their feelings.

"Dick...they are our teammates. Our family. In order to keep the peace and make sure that everyone is happy we need to be respectful of each other's feelings and space. I know you told me that you aren't interested in Starfire, but that doesn't mean that she has stopped being interested in you," Rachel responds with equal frustration. "I don't want our friendship to make anyone feel uncomfortable."

Friendship. Richard never thought that he would see the day where he would consider it such a dirty word. A working comradeship was what he wanted from her when they first met. A mutual friendship was what he hoped to build when he got to know her. A deeper, more intellectually and emotionally in-tuned companionship was what he desired after they had built their mental connection. Now – after dragging her mind, body and soul back from the brinks of hell – what he craves is an intimacy in all aspects of their lives. To shake off the shackles of friendship and reforge it into something more long lasting. Something more permanent. Something that will chain her to his side and make it so that she can never leave him. Like all the others did.

"Dick?"

He levels his eyes with her face as the hand that is still entangled with her hair moves to cup her head in an affectionate gesture. Again, his actions do not reflect the emotions she feels rolling off of him. Her body tenses from the unpredictability of this moment...and dare she calls this, fear? Richard's voice is calm and controlled when he responds to her call.

"Relationships are always changing, Rachel. We are not the same people we were when we first met. We don't have the same bond that we started with. It won't stay the same as it is today either," he'll make sure of it, "It doesn't matter if it's one month, one year or one decade from now. What we have will still be strong. Our teammates are mature enough to realize that and they will have to respect it," Richard says with such conviction that Rachel wonders if he can somehow tell the future.

"No one knows that for sure, Dick. I thought Malchoir and I would be together forever," she says with a little melancholic chuckle as she focuses her gaze toward the floor. "Now look at us. We do have a strong friendship and I don't want to ruin that for anything."

Richard resists the urge to grab her by the back of her neck and force her to look at him. Instead, he keeps brushing her hair, just the way she likes it before saying "I'm not him or Beastboy. I've been here through your ups and your downs. You can depend on me."

You will depend on me.

"I know, Dick. That's why this friendship is so precious to me and I want to take care of it," Rachel practically whispers. The two members of the Titans are left to their own thoughts. Rachel is still sitting in her chair and Richard is standing behind her and gently combing her hair. He half wishes that she would grow it out. It would give him more to play with. With a deep sigh, he puts down her brush and moves to stand in front of her.

"I need to check the command room and make sure the city is still standing," he says. She nods her head and looks a little sad. They both know who is waiting for him in the command room and they both dread his visit for entirely different reasons.

Before Richard leaves, he says "Beastboy will be fine. He's young, healthy and Cyborg is as good as any doctor I've ever met. We'll figure something out."

Rachel nods her head as she watches him leave. Their teammate will be fine. Richard isn't so convinced that he will stay "fine" if he ever figures out what exactly the changeling has done to Rachel in his drunken stupor.

When two traumatized individuals latch on to each other...smh.