Warning Chapter contains Homophobic remarks and acts of hate crimes reader Discretion is advised and if you are triggered by these actions please wait until next chapter is finished so you can move forward

Chapter 13: Deep Dive

It was late in the night with everyone sleeping in their beds, even Thomas had gone to bed early for the first time in months. Bandit was tossing and turning while whimpering. His dream felt too real for the blue heeler, as memories of when he was twelve years old flashed in his mind.

"Faggot" a voice shouted at Bandit.

Lightning struck as the voice echoed, rain pouring down on the young blue heeler as he ran through the woods. In real life Bandit grabbed his blanket tightly and turned on his side.

"You'll never be a real dog!" another voice shouted, this one nearer than the last.

Bandit started to sweat as he grit his teeth and growled in his sleep.

"Mark him!" said a voice Bandit knew all too well.

Bandit opened his eyes and sat up breathing hard, pulled from his memories into the real world. He turned to his right and saw Chilli sleeping soundly. He started to control his breathing and lay next to her while cuddling her, his face hot with tears and sweat as he pushed up against her.

Chilli woke up and looked at her husband. "Babe? What's wrong?" She asked, blinking in the late night darkness to try and distinguish her husband's form.

"Oh, I'm sorry babe did I wake you?" Bandit asked as he held her, pushing off and scooting back to his side of the bed.

"Yeah, but… you only do this when you're scared." Chilli said, pulling him back toward her.

"No, I'm not scared I just… miss you is all." Bandit said as he kissed her head.

"Well, I'm right here." Chilli said, cuddling close to him.

Bandit nodded as he shut his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Chilli also dozed back off while holding her husband.

When morning came Thomas took upon himself to take a morning run and build up some stamina for the mornings to come. As his feet pounded the sidewalk Thomas thought about what he had promised Bandit and the more he thought about it the more it made him angry. Thomas placed his ear buds in his ears and ran as fast as he could go, streaking down the hills as he continued aimlessly through the Brisbane suburbs. "Promise me you won't look for them… we are your parents…" Bandit's words echoed in Thomas's mind. "Ah!" Thomas grunted, charging his hand with his cosmic energy without realizing it as he punched a light pole. It teetered a moment, then fell over with a loud whump. "Shit," Thomas said while looking around, hoping no one saw him. Luckily no one had and Thomas ran back home.

Bandit was getting some coffee while Chilli was making brekkie.

"Mum! Thomas isn't in his room!" Bluey said as she and Bingo came into the kitchen.

"What?" Bandit said, worried.

"Yeah he's gone!" Bingo said, also worried for her brother.

Thomas came into the house sweating from his run, shaking slightly as he spritzed sweat off himself. "Thomas!" The girls said as they went to Thomas.

"Hang on girls I need to shower real quick. Believe me; you don't want a hug when I'm this funky smelling." Thomas said, rushing past them and going to the bathroom.

"That was…" Chilli started to say.

"Strange," Bandit said, also confused by what happened.

In the bathroom Thomas looked in the mirror seeing himself as a heeler and quickly changed into a human again."What am I doing?" Thomas said, looking down. "Am I really mad at what he asked me? Or is there something more?" Thomas asked himself before he started his shower.

Bandit sat there looking at his coffee remembering the dream he had the night before. He remembered the three dogs that chased him to the creek and pinned him down as they started to hit and kick him all because he was different. Chilli broke him out of his thoughts as she placed breakfast on the table. Bandit then forced a smile as he looked up at his wife just as the girls sat down at the table. Thomas got out of the shower and dried off before getting clothes on. He then joined his family at the table in his human form. Bandit was a little surprised by this.

"In human form today mate?" Bandit asked.

"Yeah," Thomas said as he started to eat.

"Well, it's good to change once in a while…" Chilli said with a smile, trying to keep things civil.

"Agreed," Thomas said, drinking his juice.

Bandit was still unsettled with Thomas changing into his human form even though it was his 'true' form. "I thought you like being a Heeler mate?" Bandit said while drinking his coffee.

"I do… maybe I just wanted to be me for a bit." Thomas said while eating

"Be you? You've always been you even if you were in Heeler form." Bandit commented.

"Well, maybe I just want to stay this way." Thomas replied not looking at Bandit.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Bandit asked, looking at Thomas.

"Nothing." Thomas said while trying to eat.

"I think it means something." Bandit accused.

"Bandit…" Chilli said looking at her husband.

"Dad, don't be mean." Bluey said, looking at her father.

"Yeah dad." Bingo added.

"What are you getting at?" Thomas asked, looking at Bandit.

"What am I getting at? Something is clearly bothering you, and as your father I should know." Bandit said, looking at Thomas.

"As my father…" Thomas said with a chuckle.

"Yes! As your father I have a right to worry about you son." Bandit said, still looking at Thomas.

Bluey and Bingo looked at each other confused. "Can we just eat breakfast as a family?" Chilli asked, looking at Bandit and Thomas.

"Yeah, let's." Bandit said, stabbing a sausage and slicing it rapidly with his knife before spearing it and chewing.

"Why are you acting like an animal?" Thomas asked, looking at Bandit.

"We're not animals, mate." Bandit said, a coldness drifting into the last word.

"Ugh! You are an animal! You're a dog!" Thomas shouted back, frustrated.

"That never bothered you before!" Bandit shot back.

"Yeah! Well it does now!" Thomas said standing up.

"What are you two going on about?!" Chilli asked, very confused of her husband and her son.

"Since the multiverse opened he asked me not to look for my parents!" Thomas said before leaving the table. He placed his dish in the sink and stormed off to his room.

"You asked him that?" Chilli asked, looking at her husband in disbelief.

"I-I…" was all Bandit could say.

"That's not very nice dad." Bluey said looking at her father.

"He's our son!" Bandit shouted before standing up and leaving.

Chilli sighed and looked down rubbing in between her eyes.

"Mum, will dad and Thomas be okay?" Bingo asked, looking at her mother with concern.

"Of course they will sweetie; they just need some time apart is all." Chilli said looking at her daughter. "Go ahead and eat your breakfast." Chilli added while eating hers.

In his room Thomas locked the door and pulled out his phone. After scrolling through his contacts he tapped on Stripe's name. It rang a moment before he picked up.

"Hey Thomas, what's up?" Stripe asked.

"Can I come over and vent?" Thomas asked, exhaling. "My dad's being a major pain in the ass and I need someone to talk to."

Stripe chuckled, "Well, he can be a bit much sometimes. Sure, come over and we can figure this out."

"Thanks Uncle Stripe." Thomas said, smiling a moment before blipping into the youngest Heeler brother's living room.

Thomas appeared in Heeler form a few feet from where Stripe was sitting.

"So, what's going on?" Stripe asked, putting down his book.

"Before I explain everything I need you to promise you won't tell anybody else about this, okay. It's messy and I don't want to piss anyone off, but…" Thomas exhaled, "Shit's complicated."

Stripe nodded, patting the couch beside him for Thomas to sit down. He did, leaning back and looking at the ceiling a moment before he began. "So you know last night with dad, like, how he told me not to search for my parents anywhere else because of all this back with the multiverse sending shit here."

Stripe nodded.

"Like, until he said that I didn't really want to. Don't get me wrong, I love Bandit and Chilli, and as far as I'm concerned I am their kid. And Bluey and Bingo are my sisters. But, it's like, now that we have this weird portal thing, what if? Y'know?"

"You're curious about if there are world where your human parents survived."

"Exactly. And it pisses me off that dad basically banned me from ever even considering that possibility." Thomas exhaled. "I don't want to leave, but when he said that, it felt like he was… I dunno, almost forcing me to stay."

Stripe sighed, "Bandit's always been very protective of his family, and because you're part of that now he's protective of you. He doesn't want to lose you."

"I know, and he won't." Thomas stated.

"I know that and you know that, but that doesn't make it any easier for him. You love them, and because of that it makes it that much scarier for him."

"What?"

Stripe chewed his lip for a minute. "Your dad, Bandit, has major anxiety over being a good enough father, and that may have fueled why he was so pushy. He doesn't want to lose you to some other version of himself. He's afraid that he isn't good enough and that because of that you'll choose someone else over him. That you'll leave them and love someone else, and it'll be his fault."

Thomas was silent for a moment. "I'd never do that."

"I know, but anxiety's a hell of a thing to live with." Stripe frowned. "Unfortunately it runs in our family." Stripe nodded toward the dining room where there was a pill-minder on the table. "You ever notice your dad takes an awful lot of vitamins in the morning?"

"Yeah."

"Well, a couple of those are anti-anxiety meds." Stripe paused, "When you live with anxiety, it's different from when you don't have it. For me it makes me hyper-fixate. I can't stop focusing on things and I'm afraid that if I don't do them it'll fall apart. The reason I work from home is because I had a panic attack at work when I didn't meet a deadline. For your dad, it's a bit different…"

"How?"

"For Bandit he's always worried. Worried about his family, and worried about how he's not a good enough a dad. He did well connecting with your sisters, but feels you're a second chance that he never would've gotten. He's terrified of losing you, losing Baxter again. He's afraid he isn't a good enough father, and that because of that you're going to go somewhere else in the multiverse and find someone better than him." Stripe paused, "He blamed himself for Baxter's stillbirth and was seriously depressed for months afterward, having you around has allowed him a new chance at being a father to a son he never had the chance to be with."

Thomas was silent. "I didn't realize…"

"It's okay; parents don't always tell their kids these things. Your dad's still working through a lot, his temper flared up and he was worried so he lashed out a bit. He didn't mean it; he just wants to protect you."

"I guess I can kinda relate. I loved my human parents and while things are different now, Bandit and Chilli are my parents too. I love them, and I'm thrilled I have a second chance at being a son-something I love-I get to have someone to show me new things and to talk to… I almost forgot what it was like." Thomas sighed, "I guess I'm just frustrated at what dad said. I just want things to go back to normal."

"Maybe you should talk to your dad about what you feel?" Stripe suggested.

"You think it would help?" Thomas rubbed his arm, "This morning we almost got into a fight at breakfast."

"I think it will. Just be honest. Your dad's a good dog, just let him know that you're not going anywhere, but that it isn't his place to force you to stay."

"Thanks Uncle Stripe." Thomas smiled. "I think I'll go and see if I can talk to him.

"You're welcome mate." Stripe smiled as Thomas blipped out of his living room.

Back at the Heeler House

With Thomas in his room and the girls now dropped off at school Chilli was determined to figure out what was going on with her husband. He was sitting on the orange sofa in the living room, not really looking at anything in particular. It was clear, however, that he had something on his mind as he frowned deeply.

"Bandit, what's going on?"

"Huh?" He looked over. "Nothing, just tired, is all."

Chilli raised an eyebrow, years of working as a security officer making her an expert of telling when someone was lying. "No you aren't. Clearly something's going on." She sat down next to him on the sofa. "Ban, I want to help you. What's going on?"

Bandit sighed, "Fine. I'm stressed about everything with Thomas, I know I shouldn't've said what I said, and I don't know how exactly to handle that." He paused, "And when I'm stressed sometimes I have my mind go not so great places. I had a nightmare last night and it threw me off."

"Were you having nightmares about Baxter again?"

"No, not this time." Bandit shook his head. "It was from when I was a kid."

Chilli frowned, confused. "I thought you had a great childhood?"

"I did, for the most part, but…" He hesitated. "I haven't told you about everything."

Chilli nodded, she hadn't told Bandit everything about her life, even if they had known each other for 12 years. "Do you think talking about it would help you feel better?"

Bandit sighed, "I suppose it's worth a try."

"It was the early 90s, I was twelve years old and my parents had sent me and Stripe away to camp for the summer, Rad had stayed home to work. It was going to be an awesome summer. The camp had everything-hiking, swimming, archery-you name it. And best of all, I didn't have to look after Stripe all the time; he was in a cabin with the other little boys, while I was in the older boys' cabin." Bandit paused.

"But it turned out that that summer wasn't exactly what I'd hoped it would be. You know I'm bi, but back then I wasn't really sure. I knew I liked girls-I'd known that for at least a year then, but for some reason I started having thoughts about me with boys too. I didn't really understand why it was happening, I thought something was wrong with me, so I never really told anyone about it. One night while I was asleep I had a dream like I'd never had before. I had… well, I had my first bonk-on." Bandit exhaled. "And it was in a dream where I was with a boy. A boy in my cabin, no less."

"Apparently I'd been muttering in my sleep because when I woke up the entire cabin was staring at me, including the boy whose name I'd been saying the last few hours. When I saw what had happened 'down under' I freaked out. I had no idea what was happening, so when I fell out of my bunk I tried to cover up myself and everyone started pointing and laughing at me. Even the counselor was making fun of me." Bandit choked back tears as Chilli placed her hand on his.

"The next few days were absolute hell. Everyone found out that I liked boys, and no one believed me when I said I'd had a girlfriend. I felt like there was something wrong with me. The kids who didn't avoid me usually insulted me to my face. Stripe didn't understand, he was too young, but he got hassled by some of the kids for having 'a faggy older brother'." Bandit wiped the corner of his eyes.

"There were these three older guys in my cabin who really took offense to me. Once a week, on Saturday nights, the whole camp slept out in tents in the woods. They yanked me out of my tent and said they were going to 'mark me'." Bandit shook his head. "They wanted to carve 'faggot' into my chest."

Bandit shuddered with a sob, "I ran. I ran as fast as I could through those fucking woods. It started to pour and I could hear them getting closer. They were yelling out to me, taunting me as they got closer. They cornered me at a stream where I couldn't cross with the water rushing past."

Bandit pulled back some of his fur on his chest. "They got the first letter in as I screamed and kicked and punched. I broke my arm on one of their skulls, trying to get free. That just made them madder. They only stopped when the camp director arrived, hearing that four campers were missing. They sent me to the hospital, then I went home."

Bandit was silent for a moment as he breathed heavily. "I thought it was God punishing me. I thought I deserved what happened, that I was a freak for liking boys and girls. So I pushed it down and I tried not to think like that anymore." He looked over at his wife. "I love you, Chilli, and would never want anyone else in my life, but that doesn't mean I don't still think of men as attractive. It's part of who I am, and I'm grateful that now I can say that and not be afraid." He exhaled, "But the memories still hurt."

Chilli reached over and kissed Bandit on the snout, wiping tears away from her eyes. "I'm sorry that happened. I know I can't do anything to change it, but I wish I could." She smiled. "Thank you for telling me, I know that was tough."

Bandit smiled, "I needed to. If I keep holding all these things in I'm just going to end up going off again like I did this morning."

It was at that moment that they heard Thomas' door open upstairs.

"I'm going to go talk to him." Bandit said, getting up.

"Good luck." Chilli smiled as she watched him walk up the stairs.

The two met in the hall.

"Hey dad."

"Hey Thomas."

Thomas exhaled. "I'm sorry about this morning. This, this is as much the real me as human me." He gestured to his Heeler form. "You guys aren't just dogs, you're my family. I love you guys, all of you." He paused, "I want to let you know that I love being your son. When my parents died I almost forgot what it was like to have them, but now I get to have you and Chilli as my mom and dad, and it's incredible. You're an amazing dad, and I couldn't ask for anything more."

Bandit wiped a tear away from his eye, "Thanks. I guess I shouldn't've blown up like I did. I was just afraid that I'd lose you."

"I understand what it's like to be afraid of losing someone." Thomas admitted.

"I just want to be a good dad to you, and I'm afraid that I'm not good enough. And that you're going to leave." Bandit confessed.

"I'm not going to." Thomas smiled.

"Well, if you do want to go find you real parents you can."

Thomas shook his head and laughed, "I already have." He hugged Bandit tightly, his tail wagging as he did.

"Thanks mate."

Thomas pulled back from the hug after a comfortable moment. "As my dad, I love you, but that doesn't mean you get to make my decisions for me. I respect what you have to say, but I have the right to do something else. I'm not going to go to other dimensions to look for my parents, but if I did want to do something I need you to stand by me."

"Of course."

Thomas smiled. "Thanks dad."

"You're welcome son."

Kodiwolf321 A/N: here in this chapter we wanted to dive deep into personal feelings really bring out what this situation could be like and if this chapter wasn't for you then I'm sorry but my job as a writer and author is tell stories in all outlets that can or feel like it's Relatable to someone out in the world but I hope you did enjoy this chapter for its moment of light and more will soon follow see you then!

The-Suburban-Guy A/N: Hello everyone! A bit of a deep dive into some of what makes Thomas and Bandit tick in this one. We wanted to explore a bit more with these two, and I hope we did something that you enjoy. Please review and let us know what you think!