Chapter 3
Keeping track of time was troublesome, and Emi had long given up on counting the days. Now she simply kept in mind a rough chronological record of notable (at least to her) events and milestones. After being dressed as a piglet for the first time, what felt like many weeks passed by, weeks in which she was dressed as a wide assortment of animals including kittens and chicks.
Although she was initially resistant and sulked a lot, she eventually got used to the costumes. She would never admit it, but she even found them somewhat comfortable. Compared to her previous clothing, which were excessively frilly dresses, the animal one-pieces were cozy and convenient. She also appreciated that the one-pieces usually came with hoods, for she only had a few tufts of hair, so her head often felt drafty.
One day, something exciting happened – she finally rolled over on her own for the first time!
She had no idea what day of the week it was, just that it was the day she had worn the panda outfit. Sometime after her mom had finished taking photos of her in her costume, she had been lying on the play mat, moving her arms and legs. For a long time, she had been trying to turn over, the first step on the path to mobility.
Amidst Kyoko's verbal encouragements, she had lifted her legs up as much as she could and tilted them to the left, hoping the rest of her body would follow. After a minute's struggle, she managed to swing her right arm over and stretched it towards the corner of the mat. Suddenly her whole body turned over and she was on her belly.
Yes! I'll work hard on my core strength and muscles! I won't neglect sit-ups and push-ups anymore! She promised her future self as Kyoko rejoiced at her feat.
"Good job Emi! Mommy is so proud of you," Kyoko gushed, clapping her hands. "Now try turning over again! From your tummy to your back!"
Nah, I'll take an extended tummy time, Emi thought and emitted a gibberish sound of refusal. After just one turn, she was already exhausted. The road to mobility sure was a long one.
Escape was constantly on Emi's mind, and she didn't just fantasize about her big escape. She also fantasized about temporary escapes, getting away from the smothering attentions of her mom and Juri. Besides being subjected to many unwanted kisses, she was constantly squished and poked – if she could charge a fee every time they played with her cheeks or rolls of baby fat, she would have a king's ransom. Rido may be a future baby killer, but at least he did not harass her like these two did.
On a side note, being constantly smooshed against her mom and Juri's chests, Emi found herself a tad disappointed with what the future held. Their faces were lovely, but Emi was used to the more voluptuous beauty standards from her previous life. Unfortunately, Juri and her mom had chests almost as flat as airport runways. On the bright side, having a flatter chest probably helps one look more youthful, but on the downside, Emi didn't care to look forever 16.
Emi was also concerned about her future height. She hoped she would at least be as tall as Juri, instead of taking after their mom. Kyoko was quite short, only reaching the shoulder of her husband and two sons; it seemed Yuki took after her grandmother's figure.
Emi supposed she shouldn't complain – not having to worry about acne was already a blessing. Still, she much preferred the generous bosom of her nanny, there was more cushioning to lean against, which was very comforting to her baby sensibilities.
Anyway, Emi was impatient for the months to pass. She needed mobility and she needed it soon. In the meantime, she could only endure whatever ordeals her mom or Juri put her through. Of the two, her mom was the lesser evil and Emi learned to dread the instances when Kyoko was busy and left her under the supervision of Juri.
Don't get her wrong, Juri was loving and good. Besides often buying her gifts, Juri played with her a lot. Emi had even received a handmade plushie of a bunny dressed in a tutu from Juri. She knew Juri had spent over a month on this labor of love, pricking her fingertips frequently in her habitual clumsiness.
It's the thought that counts right? Emi had reflected with a surge of affection for her new sister as she examined the uneven needlework and lopsided button eyes of her new toy.
However, Emi was often overwhelmed by Juri's loving attention.
Juri would frequently say things like: "Oh you are so small and pudgy, I can't stand it!", before proceeding to hug the life out of Emi, who could feel her ribs close to cracking. Kyoko frequently had to remind her older daughter to be gentler when handling the baby.
One notable example of Juri's questionable babysitting skills was the first time Kyoko left Emi alone in Juri's care.
That night, Rido was off somewhere avoiding home as usual and Haruka had gone on a trip to town. Meanwhile, Hiroshi and Kyoko had to attend an important soiree. It was the first social event Kyoko was going to since Emi's birth.
Emi thought her mom looked wonderful in her dark green evening gown and with her hair arranged into a fancy updo. Her dad looked very dashing as well in his elegant outfit. Emi felt she could look at them for hours – she was an admirer of beauty after all. But their shiny jewelry attracted her attentions the most.
Emi touched the diamond chandelier earrings dangling from her mom's ears with great interest. She wondered how much the emerald necklace around her mother's neck cost...it would probably amply fund her future great escape and besides, given how rich her family was, two or three missing trinkets would not be a big deal.
"Juri, be sure to take good care of Emi," Kyoko said as she hastily kissed Emi's cheek, leaving a bright red lipstick stain. Emi pouted as she was handed over to Juri, she already missed the smooth feel of the gemstones.
"Don't worry mom, of course I will! Now go have fun with dad," Juri reassured her.
"Alright, but if you have any questions about Emi's routine, ask Tae. And make sure Emi goes to bed on time! Otherwise, she will be fussy tomorrow night."
Juri nodded and waved cheerfully as their parents bid them goodbye and walked out the front doors. Emi stared sadly from Juri's arms at the backs of her parents as they got into the car and the chauffeur drove off. She wanted to go to the party too, being stuck at home all the time was boring. And although she should have more faith in her older sister, she had a sneaking feeling that something bad was going to happen.
As soon as the servants shut the doors, Juri carried her to the family room and placed her on the sofa. She picked up the TV remote and started browsing through the channels. Emi felt relived, watching TV together was a safe activity. The television sets in this world were oddly charming, as they were a vintage style. They resembled the heavy appliances of the 1960s, with many knobs to fiddle with.
Juri eventually found the program she was searching for, the week's episode of a romantic serial focusing on a high school girl with a crush on her young and handsome math teacher.
"Lucky we made it right on time, right?" she asked happily and moved Emi to her lap.
The two of them stared at the screen, Juri with great interest, and Emi with increasing disinterest. Every so often Juri would laugh at a comedic scene, or squeal in excitement when the main leads seemed close to kissing. Emi watched with a deepening frown, for unlike Juri, she had serious reservations about the romantic relationship in the show.
If I saw a teacher and student acting like that, I'd file a report to the department of education, Emi thought as the episode dragged on. She squirmed in her sister's lap and pulled her dress trying to get her attention. Juri, enough of this sappy stuff, let's watch an action movie with bombs exploding and all that good stuff. Or a mystery? I like mysteries too...
Unfortunately, Juri was too focused on the drama to pick up on Emi's dissatisfaction. She only responded to Emi's restlessness with a distracted peck to her head. Emi gave up and settled down, forced to sit through a full hour of the show. She tried to make the most of the situation and use it as a chance to expand her vocabulary and language comprehension. But the all too predictable plot and awkward acting of the main leads soon had her mind drifting off.
As she stared blankly at the screen, her thoughts wandered off to the situation between her three older siblings. Clearly, Juri and Haruka were already together, and Rido was blatantly unhappy. But had Rido already gone mad over his rejection? Or was that still many centuries off?
From the few times she had interacted with him, he appeared more like an adult throwing a silent tantrum than someone that belonged in an insane asylum. He was sullen and often wore an irritated expression but didn't seem unhinged and ready to commit murder.
Aside from the important question of his sanity, due to plain nosiness, Emi was curious why Juri chose Haruka instead. If incest was the centuries-long tradition in the Kuran family, it made more sense for Juri to have chosen Rido, the eldest son instead. Although Rido was not particularly nice to her, Emi had noticed early on that he was especially gentle with Juri. Even if he was terse and stiff with Haruka, around Juri, his demeanor changed. Both his gaze and his tone softened.
Emi looked up at Juri, whose attentions were still captured by the TV. She wondered if Juri knew the extent of Rido's feelings for her. All the times she had observed those two together, Juri had behaved like a cute and teasing little sister. Given the awkward situation, it would certainly be easier on Juri's part to act like nothing was amiss between them and continue playing the role of little sister.
With a tiny sigh, Emi turned her eyes back to the screen, and thought: Boy am I glad I'm not a part of that hot mess. Imagine living in the same house with your rejected suitor and bumping into each other constantly while you are with your lover... Although it can be quite entertaining for the spectator like me, heh heh.
As she often did, Emi wished she would grow up quicker. For one, she would like the autonomy and physical agility to use the remote control and choose her own TV shows. For another, she was nosy and wanted to ask questions. Adults let down their guards around children and reveal information they normally would not. Just look at all the juicy gossip her nanny Tae and the maid Mio let slip when they were around her.
Eventually the episode came to end on a cliffhanger in which the female protagonist's adopted older brother confesses to her. Just another typical day in Japanese high school huh? Emi thought.
Juri went back to channel surfing and Emi started daydreaming about her eventual great escape. Her thoughts were interrupted by Juri poking her cheek. She noticed that Juri had stopped on an infomercial selling toys for babies and toddlers.
"Emi, look at those adorable toys!" Juri said, pointing to the screen.
The two of them watched the camera zoom in on a line of brightly colored roly-poly toys and watched the saleslady demonstrate the roly-poly quality of the products. Suddenly, Juri lifted Emi from her lap, and placed her on her back onto the sofa. As Emi stared up at Juri, her feeling of unease further intensified upon seeing a mischievous glint in the elder's eyes.
Something tells me I should skedaddle, Emi thought nervously.
Juri grabbed her arms and pulled her up into a sitting position, before letting go. Given that Emi had not yet fully developed control over her muscles and that like all babies, her head composed a huge portion of her body mass, she followed the laws of gravity and plopped to the side, headfirst. This was repeated several times, with Emi falling on her face, on her back, to her left, to her right.
Noooo! Stahp! Stop it Juri, I'm not a roly-poly toy! Emi cried in her mind. Nanny, where are you?! Mom! Dad!
By that point she was so dizzy she wouldn't have been surprised to see bits of her brain leaking out her ears. She was about to utilize her last resort – screaming her lungs out, when thankfully Haruka returned at that moment and intervened, rescuing her.
Sadly, while Haruka was a better caretaker than Juri, he was not that reliable either. Emi came to discover this not long following the roly-poly incident.
After the soiree, Kyoko decided it was time to change up her life a bit. Although she loved her baby, parenting takes a toll despite having a squadron of servants, and she was tired of being home all day. She missed activities like going to the spa or shopping with her friends. For the past few years, from the start of her pregnancy to now, she had been cooped up at home.
Since Emi was way too young to be taken out the safety of the Kuran manor, Emi had to be left at home. Confident in her older children's ability to care for the baby while she was gone (they couldn't possibly go wrong with so many servants at call), Kyoko started leaving the manor once or twice a week.
Although Emi was satisfied being under the professional care of her nanny, Haruka and Juri wanted to be more involved and often let Tae go on break while they looked after Emi all by themselves.
Those were times Emi did not look forward to.
Haruka and Juri would always start off giving her attention and playing with her, but they inevitably ended up putting her down somewhere and retreating into their glittery pink world. Often, Emi would be in the playpen wrestling with her giant caterpillar plushie and look up to find Haruka and Juri flirting away.
Hey! Babysitting does not mean putting me in baby jail while you two get lost in your own world! Emi would glare at them from behind the bars of the playpen. It's good mom isn't paying you two for this otherwise she should demand a refund for poor service!
She had already known they were a close couple from the side chapter of them sharing an umbrella, but only now did she realize the full extent of their affection. Those two were infuriatingly lovey-dovey – the kind of couple that made others uncomfortable with their excessive behavior. They were constantly touching one another and giggling, acting like hormonal teenagers instead of mature adults. A few times they even made out in her presence.
Although Haruka and Juri were self-aware enough to tone down their behavior in front of their parents and Rido, they apparently did not care to do so for her. Most likely they thought that Emi would not understand what she was observing, but they were mistaken, for she was most certainly not a normal baby.
Wow, unbelievable! Emi would fume and bite her toys. Sometimes she reflected they were lucky her meal was already out of her system, otherwise she would be barfing as she stared at them sucking face and swapping spits. They usually remained oblivious to her disapproving glares, lost in their own world until she reminded them of her presence by loudly wailing. She derived some satisfaction at seeing them get flustered, quickly pulling apart and hastily rearranging their wrinkled clothes while smiling sheepishly like teenagers caught in the act.
Unfortunately, Juri would then pick her up and give her kisses as if to make up for the previous lapse in attention. Emi would squirm like a worm caught on a hook and make a face. Ewwww! Don't kiss me! I know where your lips have just been, and I don't need both his and your saliva on my face! Argh!
It was not just their physical displays of intimacy that irritated her. Somehow, they (Haruka especially) never got tired of each other despite spending most of their waking moments with one another. Often when they talked to other people, they ended up bringing the topic to their significant other, as if every interaction with others was an excuse to gush about their partner.
It reached the point where Emi's dreams were invaded by Haruka and Juri's voices exclaiming things like: 'Haruka, my beloved!' and 'Juri, my angel'. Sometimes as Emi stared at those two, she could see why Rido snapped in canon. Having to watch and listen to those two simp over one another might be a more effective method of torture than waterboarding - the CIA should take notes. She regretted her ability to understand what they were saying and doing, and wished she were a regular happily oblivious baby instead.
One night her irritation at those two reached the breaking point.
On that occasion, Kyoko, Juri, and Haruka were chatting happily away in the living room. Emi was doing her best not to pay attention as she shook her rattle while sitting in Kyoko's lap. She had no idea how her mom did not get fed up with those two and their overly mushy talk and behavior. Despite Emi's best efforts to drown them out with her rattle, Juri and Haruka's sappy voices still entered her ears and infiltrated her brain, causing her to shake her rattle even harder.
Unfortunately, Kyoko was not pleased by her energetic rattle playing and felt a migraine coming. She finally glanced down at Emi and gently tried removing the rattle from her grip. Emi refused to relinquish it and wore a stubborn scowl.
"Oh Emi, mommy's head hurts. Why are you so upset?" Kyoko coaxed her baby.
"Maybe her diaper needs changing," Haruka offered helpfully. Slipping his hands under Emi's arms, he lifted her up and examined her. "Hmm...seems dry. Maybe she is sleepy?"
"No, she woke from her nap not long ago. Emi is just a temperamental baby," Kyoko sighed.
I'm a perfectly fine baby! The problem here are these two – nonstop yakking about 'Haruka this' or 'Juri that', they are about to drive me crazy! Emi thought.
"Now what could Emi be unhappy about?" Haruka said, then added, "I remember Juri was such a happy baby back then."
OH MY GOD! How does he always manage to bring everything back to Juri! I've had it! I might not be able to talk yet but these hands sure can! Emi raged. Without a second thought she slapped Haruka right in the face using her free hand.
The sharp smack of her tiny baby hand connecting with his cheek reverberated in the room, and everyone else present was stunned silent for a few seconds.
"Emi!" Kyoko gasped, finally overcoming her shock. "You can't just hit people!"
Hmph, Emi made a clearly non-apologetic face and looked away, ignoring her mom's reprimands.
"It's wrong of her, but that's the cutest slap I've ever seen!" Juri said as she bent over cackling.
Emi whipped her head back and huffed in protest. It's not supposed to be cute! It's a slap of fury!
"It's alright mother, I barely felt it. It was a light tap," Haruka said and laughed too.
Do they make hand weights for babies? Emi seethed in her brother's hold. Apparently, I haven't gotten my message across!
"Oh no, Emi is angrier than before," Juri noted and burst into more laughter. "She looks ready to fight!"
Hmm, sister dearest, maybe you have something to do with it! Emi thought and started biting her rattle to try calming down.
Juri managed to stop laughing and leaned in closer to peer at Emi. She tapped Emi's forehead playfully. "Maybe Emi is upset at me and Haruka..."
Oh? Juri finally got the hint? Emi thought and felt her anger abating. It's about time! And tell your clueless boyfriend too!
"Why would she be upset at us?" Haruka asked.
"Because Emi is jealous – she is in love with you!" Juri explained as though it was obvious. Smiling, she poked Emi's cheeks.
The rattle dropped out of Emi's hand in her shock. That's the conclusion you arrive at?!
Haruka lifted her higher so their eyes met and said, "I'm sorry Emi, my heart belongs solely to Juri, now and forever. No matter how many times you slap me, my feelings won't change."
Emi stared at him with wide eyes, which Juri mistook for the shock of rejection. Giggling, she said, "Oh Emi, don't make such a face, you will meet your destined one eventually."
Whimpering, Emi finally roused herself out of her shock and extended her arms in the direction of Kyoko, indicating her wish to be returned.
I can't, I just can't with these people. People think Rido and Shizuka are crazy, but these two are a different kind of cray cray. Emi thought as she was returned to Kyoko's arms. I should've known Haruka was a weirdo, he did boast about being both a sadist and a masochist. Juri is freaky too! I gotta go, can't stay – I might turn crazy too! Just drop me off at the nearest orphanage!
Once safely back in the embrace of her mom, she nuzzled her face against her mom's chest.
"Oh, stop teasing, Emi just wants to be cuddled. Babies crave attention," Kyoko said laughing, and cradled her closer. "She must've been lonely now that I go out more. Alright Emi, mommy will spend all of next week with you."
Emi only mewled sadly in response.
Bonus Scene:
Kyoko approached the crib, ready to greet her baby. However, her usual cute and chubby Emi was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she saw a slumbering baby with the muscular body of a competitive body builder, scaled down to a baby's size. The baby was sucking its thumb while the other hand gripped a hand weight. Stirring from its slumber, the baby finally turned its head. With a shock that couldn't be put into words, only then did Kyoko realize it was Emi.
Removing her thumb from her mouth, Emi spoke in a deep and masculine voice: "Hello mother."
With a loud scream, Kyoko awoke from her nightmare. Hiroshi jolted up too, his mind still groggy with sleep.
"What's wrong Kyoko? What happened?" he asked alarmed, but she had already jumped off the bed and was flying out the door. He strained his senses, trying to detect if anything was off, but found everything normal. There were no unfamiliar presences in the vicinity, but nevertheless he threw on a robe and followed his wife.
Kyoko burst through the doors of the nursery and rushed over to the crib. With a cry of relief, she picked her baby up.
What's happening? Earthquake? Landslide? Fire? Emi thought sleepily as she was abruptly awoken and pressed to Kyoko's chest.
"Oh thank goodness Emi is a normal baby, I just had a terrifying dream," Kyoko exclaimed to Hiroshi who had arrived. She felt the familiar rolls of baby fat, glad that Emi was chubby as a baby should be.
After realizing it was a false alarm, Emi promptly fell back asleep in Kyoko's arms. Meanwhile, a confused Hiroshi nodded patiently as his wife recounted her bizarre dream.
When she finished, he soothingly embraced her, and they both gazed upon their sleeping baby. Chuckling, he said, "Don't worry dear, just look. There is nothing wrong with Emi, nothing at all."
A/N: Thanks for the comments! Regarding the direction of the story, I will split it into two or three parts. The first part focuses on the stuff that happens when she is a child; She is not going to grow up that fast, and Kaname will not show up until much, much, later.
Also, I recently saw some discussion about the term "self-insert OC". I use it in the sense that Emi is an OC who is inserted into a fictional world different from the one she was previously in, not because she is my fictional self, lol. She is inspired by Teddy from the Boss Baby (lmao), Kagura from Gintama and some other characters. I suppose she is more accurately an "isekai main character".