"Mommy! Dance with me!"
Brittany beamed as her curly-haired toddler son waddled over to her, holding his little arms up when he heard some pop song that was playing on the Pierces' TV. Whitney and Pierce both squealed as Brittany danced with Val. Brittany rolled her eyes fondly, just like she had done with Santana so many times, giving him the same "Oh you." look she had frequently given to her ex lover. Dancing was Val's latest phase. He was obsessed with that lately, always wanting to watch his mom dance or join in with her. So she gave him a pretend dance lesson everyday.
"Just look at him! Already a little performer!" Whitney declared excitedly, she and her husband clapping and cheering as Brittany taught their grandson different moves. The grandmother captured yet another video of the two of them dancing on her phone, which made Brittany roll her eyes again because she was sure Whitney already had hundreds but she couldn't deny how adorable Val was dancing goofily for his mom. He had a natural talent.
"He's way better than I am." Brittany giggled, breathless. She meant it, as her son picked up everything she taught him so quickly.
When he became bored of that, he sat on the carpet and looked up at her expectantly with those soft, dark brown eyes that she could never refuse. She scooped him up, kissing his cheek and took him out into the backyard to play in her parents' pool with Whitney following close behind. Val was in his element as he loved everything about his grandparents' house. Rachel, Tina and her other friends would be coming by to visit later.
Although she didn't have Santana by her side, having her tight-knit circle of family and friends around to help made a big difference for Brittany as there was always someone around to help out with the baby. He was such a loved child. Her parents were overjoyed at having a grandchild and fussed over baby Valentino constantly. She loved watching Val grow up. She taught him all about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Lord Tubbington's villainous exploits and everything else he really needed to know. Of course, being Brittany's son, he loved nothing more than her stories.
It figured that he was already cat-obsessed. He shared a lot of her own interests but sometimes it felt like having Santana around again when she saw him smiling brightly and being so boisterous with all of that energy he had. Santana had always reminded Brittany of the sun with her intense energy and that was something the woman's son had inherited as well. As a toddler, he spent most of the time chasing poor Lord Tubbington around, until Brittany had to grab him and bounce him in her arms so the striped tabby cat could get some peace.
Val's hair started off dark, quickly switching to almost the same shade of blonde as hers at first for a few years before darkening to a rich shade of dark brown and was wavy - a straighter version of Santana's natural curly hair that the woman felt self-conscious about even though Brittany had always loved it.
Brittany had retired from her dancing career to take care of her son. Even though she loved dancing and she always would, having her baby was much more fulfilling for her. He was always going to be her first priority. Val had about as normal and happy of a childhood as he could have had, completely spoiled by all of Brittany's relatives and friends.
When he got a little older, she decided to teach dance classes part time. She loved the flexibility of it and it gave her more time to spend with Val.
So maybe going on a string of ill-fated hookups wasn't the best idea Brittany had but she missed being intimate with someone, even if Rachel and her other friends gave her judgmental looks whenever she introduced one of her newest dates to them. She knew this wasn't exactly a healthy coping mechanism. All of this jumping from one fling to the next was reminding her of her high school years when she wanted so desperately for someone to claim her and give her attention that she'd gained the reputation for being the sluttiest girl at the school. She was proud of that title of the time but now she just felt a little empty.
Her little boy was clearly not happy about it whenever Brittany dated a new boyfriend or girlfriend but so much time had passed since she had last seen Santana and the blonde felt painfully lonely at times. Of course, she kept gravitating towards feisty dark-haired bad boys and bad girls who were startlingly similar in appearance and personality to her ex lover. Yet, despite their similarities with her, none of them ever made her feel the way Santana had.
"Mommy! No!" Val pouted deeply, already throwing a tantrum and pulling at the ends of his mother's long bohemian skirt when she brought over her latest boyfriend. Between the five year old's screaming and Lord Tubbington's hissing, Brittany's date looked terrified. It was the same look she eventually saw all her dates get. "I don't like him!"
"It's okay. V's just a little attached to me." Brittany explained with a laugh to Derek, the hot-tempered, high-strung CEO who had been eyeing her from afar for a while whenever they saw each other around town and just recently asked her out. The man looked on with apprehension as Val and the cat stood by in the corner watching him closely, the tabby's tail twitching back and forth to show he was not pleased.
It was too late. Especially when Derek found a dead mouse in his shoe… after he stepped into it. The guy screamed at the top of his lungs and Brittany stood by with her hands on her hips giving her son that laser blue eyed look she always gave him when he was being mischievous while he giggled and even Lord Tubbington seemed to be amused.
"Did you do that?" Brittany asked, raising an eyebrow. She didn't ever raise her voice at him but her tone of voice was enough to get his attention. He shook his head vigorously.
"No, Mommy! It was Tubbs!"
"I think you helped him. That was really naughty, you know." Brittany told him, shaking her head and eventually the little boy looked sheepish, dropping his proud grin as he realized that his mom wasn't buying the excuse. She couldn't help the small smile that came to her lips anyway.
Brittany sighed… this was the same prank her cheeky son had pulled on Lani, a Hawaiian surfer girl the bubbly blonde had dated before Derek… right before somehow setting the ends of the woman's dark brown hair on fire. This was exactly the type of thing Santana would have found hilarious… as long as it didn't happen to her personally.
Derek was mortified as he hopped around on one leg and glared at Val who only shouted at him.
"Go away and leave my mommy alone!"
"Brittany, I can't handle this anymore! Your kid is too much. He's a little menace!"
"He's not a menace. He didn't mean to scare you." The tall woman insisted, pulling Val close with an arm around his shoulders and holding him protectively. Even though he was being a little too much and so many people complained about him, she didn't like anyone to say things like that about her kitten. He wasn't a bad kid.
"No I did meaned it, Mommy, I meaned it!" Val insisted, sticking his tongue out at the man who was glaring at him. "Go away!"
Then he started to giggle loudly, clearly proud of himself and puffing out his chest. Brittany just sighed, narrowing her eyes at him in a maternal way and crossing her arms.
"I'm a little mad at you but you're still so adorable," Brittany told her son who just gave her a cute, dimpled smile as she stroked his head. "You are so much like your Mami sometimes, you know."
He looked up at her in curiosity and interest at the last part, his brown eyes brightening.
Not long after that, Derek made some excuse that he really had to go back home because something had come up. He never called her again. Brittany sobbed to herself alone in her room, feeling pathetic for losing yet another potential dating option and also for being so hung up about it until Val somehow heard her and climbed up in her lap, wrapping his little arms around her neck. She tried to compose herself because she didn't want him to see her like this. She needed to be strong for him. She was supposed to be a strong mommy.
"Mommy, why are you crying?"
"It's okay, Sweetie. Don't worry about me."
"But you look so sad. Why not try rocking back and forth, Mommy?"
That made her smile for a second because it was the same thing she told him whenever he was upset. Brittany bit her lip, trying to decide how best to explain this to her baby boy. She didn't want him to be worried and some things were too complicated for a little kid to understand.
"Mommy just gets sad sometimes but it's okay, Sweetheart."
"Is it because of Mami?"
Brittany sniffled, closing her eyes as she tried to hold it together at his innocent question. She ran her hands through his soft brown curls, as he looked up at her with those sweet espresso brown eyes she would never be able to say no to. She adjusted him in her lap, rubbing his little back and he kissed her cheek. She loved his tiny nose, small chin and chubby cheeks even though looking at his soft face now reminded her so much of Santana that it was almost painful.
"Mommy, can you play the pretty song for me again? Please?"
Brittany smiled, finding the recording she had of Santana singing Songbird. Although the Latina had so many aspects of her life that she kept hidden, one thing Brittany had discovered accidentally was that she had a rich and smooth as honey singing voice. Santana had been embarrassed and flustered when Brittany heard her singing in the shower once and discovered her secret but she eventually agreed to sing for her blonde lover in private.
Songbird by Santana was the most beautiful song Brittany had ever heard and somehow, even if she was just imagining it, Brittany felt like the Latina was communicating her feelings for her when those deep dark eyes locked with hers as she sang.
Ever since he was a baby, Val had always asked her to play this to him over and over again. He also loved Brittany's singing and dancing but something about this song always seemed to calm him down. Brittany had always been in awe of Santana's singing voice and this song was one of the few memories she had left of her, so she had never deleted it. He dozed off in her arms eventually as Santana's soothing, husky voice filled his ears. Brittany smiled, carrying him over to his bed and tucking him in then leaning in to kiss his forehead softly.
Her cell rang when she had just put Val to bed one night and she answered without really thinking about it, laying on her stomach and swinging her legs back and forth lazily as she yawned. She didn't recognize the number. She figured it must have been a spam caller.
"Hello? If you're calling about duck cleaning, I already told your friends that we don't have any ducks. Sorry."
Hearing her ex… something on the other line was the last thing she expected. Brittany closed her eyes, her heart beating faster when she heard the familiar low rasp and warmth of Santana's voice after a long pause. Nothing ever made her feel more secure or excited than the sound of that voice calling her by a familiar nickname.
"Hi, Britt."
"S-Santana?"
"Sorry, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from and I totally understand if you want absolutely nothing to do with me but I just… needed to talk to you."
Santana sounded so awkward and timid. Brittany was so surprised by this show of vulnerability from the woman that she was stunned into silence. She never expected Santana would have been the one to contact her first or to be so repentant. The blonde could hear Santana's sharp intake of breath and imagined the black-haired woman struggling to keep her cool as Brittany remained silent for what felt like forever, neither of them hanging up.
"You needed to talk to me? Now?"
She said it innocently, genuinely confused, rather than as an accusation but Santana sounded incredibly guilty when she responded, as if Brittany's words hit a nerve.
"Britt, the truth is I've missed you so much. It's been so many years… There were so many times when I thought about calling you but I was so stubborn. I've been such a fucking asshole to you. You deserve better."
Brittany's eyes widened at Santana's apology. Santana was normally so proud and Brittany was so sure she'd only ever see herself as the one who was wronged. The blonde decided to just be honest.
"I just don't understand why you ran away. Why didn't you listen to me? I never wanted us to… break up like that. There was nothing between me and Jake."
"I was so immature, Britt. I saw you with him and I just got so jealous. It was like my worst fear came to life and I jumped to all of these conclusions. The thought of you being with someone else killed me… I was always so scared of losing you."
"I know," Brittany sighed. She could tell Santana was insecure and had so many fears that even the blonde wasn't able to get through to her. Santana's anger and need to control things were obvious. Brittany knew that they came from a place of fear. "I just wish things had been different. You could have trusted me… I don't know what happened to you in the past but I would never have hurt you like that. We could have talked it through, you know? You just disappeared and I don't even know how to find you."
"I know. I should have never accused you of something like that when you were always loyal to me. You're so good to me. I have nothing to say to excuse myself other than I'm so sorry."
"Santana, I… I didn't want to ruin your life and drag you back into all of my chaos if you had moved on. A girl who answered the phone when I called once… she's someone close to you, isn't she?"
"A girl?" Santana responded, sounding a little confused at first then guilty. "Oh, you mean… Britt, she's in the past. She and I weren't even really dating… she was just a hookup."
"Like I was?" Brittany countered in a sad, small voice. "You can be honest. It's okay, if you really did find someone. Someone you maybe like better than me."
"No, that's not what I meant… I'm single, I have been for a while and Brittany, you were never, ever just a hookup to me," Santana admitted in a shaky voice. "I think that's what scared me the most. I liked you way too much so I pushed you away so violently because I was scared of getting hurt. I was a coward for not officially asking you out when that's all I wanted and I hurt you."
Brittany fell silent, processing all of this. It was everything she always wanted to hear from Santana and she realized they were tears sliding down her cheeks, feeling choked up.
"I'm not expecting you to forgive me but maybe… we could be friends? Are you crying, Britt? Please, don't cry."
"I missed you too," Brittany got out between sobs, "You really did hurt me."
"I know. I'm such a messed up person. I'll do anything to make it up to you even if I don't deserve to have you in my life."
As much as it probably would make no sense to any of her friends if she told them about this, Brittany couldn't explain why she wanted to forgive Santana and still felt like there was good in her.
"Where are you, Santana?"
"I'm back in Lima. I'm just visiting… Can I see you sometime?"
The thought of finally seeing Santana again was overwhelming and it was inevitable that she'd find out about Brittany having a child. Was it a good idea to see her lover again? Or even to introduce her to Val? Would that be fair to her son? Brittany wasn't sure what the right answer was but she felt that intense, unexplainable connection with the woman that never seemed to go away.
"Yes."