A/N: This is a long one. While the majority is a flashback (in italics), I thought it was important for us to see what exactly happened to make Callie finally admit her feelings for Arizona to herself.
Feeling the warmth of the sun spread across her face and body through the patio doors, Callie tried to hold onto the last vestiges of sleep. She was exhausted both physically and emotionally. The previous day had taken more out of her than she had expected it would. It wasn't just the fact that she hadn't fallen asleep until nearly 5:00 am, but also the toll the entire day had taken on her feelings. The excitement and nerves she felt prior to her family arriving was nothing compared to the onslaught of emotions she was met with once she locked eyes with those exquisite cerulean blues for the first time in two years. While she was relieved that there seemed to be no traces of the negative feelings she was so afraid of, on either of their parts, she wasn't prepared for the barrage of memories that flooded her mind, the nearly instant emotional connection she had always shared with the blonde, nor the overwhelming physical attraction that filled her with need to just touch and be touched. She hadn't expected the familiarity and lack of awkwardness. While the fear and nerves where still there, they shifted from worrying about what was, to focusing upon what might be. She honestly couldn't say what she expected, but every single thing that happened from the moment she awoke early yesterday morning had been a pleasant and welcome surprise. The continued flirty nature of the texts, Arizona's easy acceptance of her father's plane, her extremely unexpected new mindset about her leg, the softly spoken words of self-recognition and acknowledgement in the parking lot, her excitement and appreciation after seeing her room, and of course, that amazing kiss were all more than she could have ever hoped for.
Lifting her fingers to her lips, Callie closed her eyes trying to recall the taste and feel of those soft pink lips. From that first unexpected kiss in Joe's bathroom so many years ago she was addicted to kissing Arizona Robbins. It never ceased to amaze her how just the act of touching their lips together, whether it was a quick peck of hello or goodbye, a stolen kiss in the hospital stairwell in passing, or a full blown junior high make out session, always evoked such strong feelings within her. It was cheesy and she would never admit to it, but it wasn't just their lips touching; it was like their souls were connecting. From the moment they would first lean into one another, her body thrummed with anticipation, then when plump red lips touched full pink ones every nerve in her body came to life, she could sense everything they wanted to say, everything they felt, transfer from one body to the next, she could feel the passion only they could bring out of each other ignite and threaten to burn her from the inside out. If last night were any indication, the only thing that changed in that area was her appreciation for those kisses, her innate need to cherish every single one and never take it for granted again.
Rolling over to look at the time, dark brown eyes landed on the empty space beside her. Running her tan hand across the cool sheets then up to the untouched pillow beside her head, Callie felt the ever present need to fill that space with unruly blonde curls tousled from sleep and exquisite curves encased in soft alabaster skin ordained with pale freckles. The fact that the same luscious body that she had dreamed about lying next to her for so long was in the next room over didn't help in the least. It was a little over a year ago that she realized that it was Arizona she wanted next to her, in her life, in her bed, in her home. That wasn't exactly true, it was a little over a year ago that she finally admitted it to herself and set about making the changes that could ensure that would happen. The first time she realized that it was Arizona she wanted next to her was the catalyst for every bad decision she made after that. Damn Miranda Bailey and her visions of the future. The Latina was in an absolute panic over seeing Penny interact with her daughter in the ER. When she approached her girlfriend about it not being the right time and she was reminded that the other woman told her she loved her, she freaked out and blamed Arizona which brought on a whole different set of problems. Part of her wanted Arizona to be upset with the idea, to put her foot down. She needed more time to mesh the two parts of her life, she wasn't ready, she just wasn't sure why. Not until she went to Bailey to ask for advice about the whole situation. At her friend's direction, she closed her eyes and envisioned an attractive and athletic caramel skinned young woman with the name Torres emblazoned on her back running down the soccer field skillfully dodging each opponent as she took the ball to the goal. She watched in anticipation, gripping the soft hand in hers tightly, as her daughter brought her leg back and shot the ball cleanly into the net and was immediately bombarded by her teammates. She jumped up and screamed at the top of her lungs and pulled the hand in hers up with her. She turned her head and could see the same excitement and pride she felt dancing in those amazing…twinkling…cerulean blue eyes. The person she saw next to her, sharing in her joy, was not her current girlfriend with dull green eyes, straight red hair, dark freckles, and tentative smile, but her ex-wife with bouncing curly blonde hair that shone with the sun, pale freckles lightly smattered across her nose and cheeks, and exuberant super-magic smile with deep sexy dimples. Her ex-wife who she loved more than anyone in this world aside from their daughter. Her ex-wife, the reason she told her girlfriend 'thank you' instead of 'I love you' during a moment that should have been very sweet and special. Her ex-wife who had brought her so much pain. Her ex-wife who she had left devastated in a cold therapist's office. Her ex-wife who, based on all indications, no longer wanted her. So she decided then and there to change that vision on her own and set about trying to convince herself and everyone around her, especially Arizona, that Penny was her future. Penny would be the one cheering next to her.
Lying there now in her huge empty king-sized bed in a house she had chosen, renovated, and designed with her ex-wife in mind, Callie couldn't help but remember the day it had all caught up with her and she finally conceded to the ever-growing, all-consuming, understanding that the life she wanted was not with the woman she followed to New York, but with the one she left behind in Seattle.
Callie had been feeling unsettled all day. A big part of her knew she would be, that's why she called into the hospital and took a sick day. It didn't help that she had another one of those damn dreams. She would almost prefer the nightmares to these dreaded dreams. They left her wondering and questioning and just uncertain. She wanted to blame the dinner she was hosting later to meet her girlfriend's parents for the first time, but she knew deep down that wasn't the problem. Rather than sit and dwell on the actual cause, she decided to head over to Penny's apartment and get some packing done. The six-month lease she had signed for her small one-bedroom apartment was almost up and the time had come for her to move into the larger, more upscale apartment Callie shared with her daughter across town. That's how she found herself here, sitting on the edge of her girlfriend's bed staring into the box she had just found in the back of her closet. She wasn't sure what unsettled her more, the contents of the box, or the fact that she found it not in her own apartment where it should be, where she thought it was, but in Penny's tiny apartment hidden in the back of the closet under a stack of blankets and draped with a towel. Reaching down into the box, a shaky tan hand pulled out the large manila envelope that was resting on top. An envelope she had never seen before. An envelope addressed to her, sent by her wife's attorney post marked 5 months ago. An envelope with a delivery receipt signed by Penny Blake two weeks after Arizona's first and only visit to New York to help get their daughter settled. Flipping it over, she saw the seal was broken indicating someone had already opened it.
She knew it wasn't the papers finalizing the sole custody order issued by the judge because she had received those before she left Seattle and they were sent by the court itself. If there were an amendment, surely her lawyer would have notified her. Furrowing her brow, Callie let out a gasp when she read the top of the first page: Reinstatement of Joint Physical and Legal Custody. Reading further she saw that Arizona had filed a petition to reinstate their original custody agreement with a few amendments which included the visitation they had agreed upon the day her wife brought her daughter to her before she moved to New York. Reading through every single word, Callie noticed that both Arizona and the judge had signed it and there was a small sticky note indicating where she should sign. She finally got to the last page which appeared to have been balled up and smoothed back out. It was a letter. A letter written in Arizona's neat ornate handwriting.
Dear Callie,
When I was on the stand during that god-awful custody hearing, I said I knew no matter what happened, Sofia would be happy and healthy because we are her mothers. When I dropped her off with you, I told you we did this wrong. I meant both of those things. We are both Sofia's mothers, we both love her, we both cherish her, and we would both do anything to protect her. We would both do anything to have her with us, even if it means hurting each other in the process. But we are her mothers, I wouldn't be a mother if it weren't for you. Not only did you physically bring her into this world, making me her mother too, but you also made me see something I never saw for myself. You made me want things I never wanted before. You fulfilled dreams I never knew I had. For that, I will be eternally grateful. The idea of losing her if even for a few months a year devastated me. I know losing her legally destroyed you and for that I am deeply, deeply sorry. I have hurt you so much and can never begin to make up for it, but I truly hope this is a start. Be happy Calliope.
All my love,
Arizona.
Arizona had given her daughter back to her…again. This was three times now that Arizona had given her that amazing little girl who looked so much like her but had the spunky bubbly personality of her other mother. Yes, she physically gave birth to her, but Arizona gave her life. When no one else could save her, Arizona stepped in and breathed life into her daughter, their daughter. Arizona was the reason she was a mother. That was the first time she gave her daughter to her. The second time, after the custody hearing, she just showed up out of the blue with airplane tickets and their daughter telling her to go be happy. Now…this. Laying the letters aside, ignoring the tears streaming down her face, Callie took up the box once again and started going through it. She smiled as she picked up the seemingly innocuous stack of post-its, receipts, and napkins. There could have easily been hundreds if she saved them all, but these were some of her favorites. 'Your girlfriend got called into work. See you soon.' She knew this one was left the morning after Arizona's little freak out about being her girlfriend. 'Only for you would I sleep with a man!' This one was left the morning after Mark slept between them…the first time. 'Enjoy your day off. We need eggs.' She laughed at this one, flipping it over knowing exactly what she would see. 'This wouldn't happen if we had chickens.' Flipping through the stack, she could identify exactly when each one was written, including this last one. 'Day 30 :)! I've missed you so much. I love you. Last night was so…awesome. 3' Feeling more tears fall, she laid the notes aside and pulled out the long black velvet box. She couldn't bring herself to open it. She knew the contents of that box all too well. For her, this item was far more special and important than her wedding ring or any other piece of jewelry she had ever received. This necklace and its match connected her heart with another. Reaching up to her bare neck, she could almost feel the burning need to put it on once again. Laying that aside, she dug through the random letters, cd's, ticket stubs, photos, and other trinkets until her hand landed on the soft, worn material she was looking for. Immediately pulling the fabric to her face, she inhaled deeply hoping for any trace of jasmine and cherry blossom that always reminded her of the rainbows and sunshine her wife seemed to leave in her wake. Unfolding the oversized t-shirt, she could barely make out the Hopkins insignia on the front. She knew part of that was her doing, it was her favorite piece of clothing. If she wasn't stealing it to wear, to be wrapped up in the love of her life, she was making Arizona wear it. It was far too big on the petite blonde and always slipped off her shoulder baring her creamy smooth skin. Callie's favorite place to kiss and nibble. It also hung just below her delectable ass offering tantalizing peeks at the curvy flesh underneath whenever the blonde bent over. Shaking herself from those very dangerous and inappropriate thoughts, Callie carefully placed everything back in the box, including the large envelope she just discovered.
Putting the lid back on the box, she furrowed her brows in annoyance. She couldn't fathom why on earth this box was here at Penny's or how she even came across it. Looking down at the lid, she noticed the word bathroom written across the top in her own meticulous handwriting. She remembered packing this box up and figured no one would go digging into a box labeled bathroom. Then it dawned on her, Penny unpacked her bathroom for her. Even with understanding how she found the box, she couldn't understand why it was here. Why would Penny take this? Trying to keep a reign on her temper, she grabbed the box from the bed and stormed out of the empty apartment. Suddenly she didn't feel like packing up the other woman's belongings, she wasn't sure after finding the box and custody papers she even wanted to live together anymore. Little did she know this box wasn't the last of the discoveries she would make today.
After getting home from dropping her daughter at a friend's house, Callie made quick work of setting the table and putting the finishing touches on dinner. Penny had insisted they have a 'family dinner at home' instead of taking her parents out to a nice restaurant. She just couldn't find it within her to subject her daughter to a boring stuffy evening with adults she didn't know. Nearing 40, she wasn't nervous to meet her girlfriend's parents. She had met plenty of parents and if she could win over Colonel Daniel Robbins of the United States Marine Corps, anyone else would be a piece of cake. Just as she was about to be lost in the memory of the moment at their wedding when 'The Colonel' told her to call him dad or Daniel, she heard the door open and flinched at the sound of "Babe, we're home." Putting on a smile for her guests, Callie stopped short when she saw the three smiling faces staring back at her. Penny was somehow the spitting image of both of her parents. All three touted red hair even though that of the elder Blakes was graying slightly. Mrs. Blake looked like an older version of her daughter with the green eyes, prominent freckles, and thin frame. Mr. Blake was more robust, but his smile was the mirror image of his daughters. Offering her hand, she was surprised to be pulled into a hug by the older man. 'What is this handshake nonsense? You're family and we hug our family.' Turning to the other woman, she was enveloped in yet another hug. As soon as the older woman released her, she clapped her hands and asked, 'Where is that beautiful daughter of yours? Tell her to come and meet her grandparents.' Callie froze. Every nerve in her body stood at attention and her stomach flipped and not in a good way. Her daughter had grandparents. Her mothers' parents were her only grandparents. Suddenly, she couldn't be happier she sent her daughter to a friend's house. She could only imagine what her smart-mouthed mini-me would say to this. 'I uh…she's at a friend's house…a project, for school.' She stammered out looking at her girlfriend's disapproving face. Penny had specifically asked for Sofia to be there this evening. Did she think her parents would be Sofia's grandparents? Did she see herself as her daughter's mother? She had two mothers.
Dinner was extremely uncomfortable as the older couple bombarded her with questions about her job, her family, her daughter, and anything else they could think of to grill her on. It wasn't until Mr. Blake's final question, 'So when are you going to make an honest woman of our little girl?' that everything hit home for Callie. It hit so fast and so hard that it had her wanting to run to the bathroom and empty the contents of her stomach. The unsettled feeling, the dreams, the memories, the emotions she had been fighting for nearly three years slammed into her heart forcing her to finally recognize that marrying Penny never even occurred to her because in her heart, she was still married. 'I…uh…we haven't…' she was literally saved by the bell as her phone started ringing. She quickly stood up determined to give whoever was on the other end of that phone a big smacking kiss. Looking down to see the identity of the caller, she almost laughed at the irony. Picking up the call, she answered, 'Arizona, hey. Ah…um…Happy Birthday!' Then her knees nearly buckled as she heard the sweet voice on the other line. She couldn't even process what she was saying, she just savored the lilting voice and perky rambling until she was brought out of her thoughts by the concerned, 'Callie, did you hear me? Is Sofia there?' Shaking her head, Callie explained Sofia was at a friend's house for another hour and she would have her call when she got home. After disconnecting the call and returning to her guests who had now moved to the living room she was relieved the conversation had veered to more comfortable topics.
After seeing her guests off and tucking Sofia in, Callie paced the living room waiting for Penny to return from taking her parents to their hotel. Looking up when she heard the door open, she didn't even wait for it to close. 'I went to your place to pack some things up for you today.' The red-head smiled brightly, 'You didn't need to do that. Were you able to get a lot done?" Her smile fell when she finally realized her girlfriend was in a mood. 'No. In fact, I only needed to bring one box back home.' Frowning at the statement laced in accusation, Penny waited for Callie to continue. 'Only, I didn't have to pack this box because I already packed it…a couple years ago, before we even met. So, tell me Penny, why was MY box at YOUR apartment, hidden in a closet?' Penny opened her mouth to talk but she was cut off, 'No! You know what? I don't even want an explanation. I don't need one. I already know everything I need to know. You need to leave and tomorrow while I am at work, you need to come get the rest of your things. You won't be staying here tonight, you won't be moving in, and I most certainly won't be making an honest woman of you.' She started to walk away but her arm was caught by the other woman. 'Are you serious right now Callie? You are breaking up with me because you found a box of crap you saved like a love-sick teenager in my closet?' Scoffing, Callie pushed the hand away and turned to look into green eyes sparking with anger. 'No, I'm breaking up with you because you stole the box, along with the order giving me my daughter back, and your father helped me to see I can't marry you because I am already married!' With that, she stormed into her bedroom, locked the door, and plopped down on the grey and white, diagonal patterned chair in the corner of her room.
The instant she hit the chair; the tears started to flow. She could almost hear the words that suddenly made so much sense to her. 'All I've been thinking about is myself. I had to figure out how to be me…and my life, my life felt like it didn't fit me anymore…and I wanted, I wanted to tear it all down and start over, just throw it away and make it fit who I am now…I'm starting to feel like I know who I am again…and I learned that…I need you, I need Sofia and I need you…and now that I've learned all that, I'm afraid I made you give up on me.' That's what she needed to do. She needed to tear her life to the ground and figure out who she was again. She already knew that she would come to the same realization at the end, she needed Arizona. She needed Arizona and she needed Sofia. She just hoped it wasn't too late. Walking to the box she had set on her dresser earlier; Callie carefully opened it and took out the shirt she loved so much. Crawling into her bed, she held the garment close to her face and allowed the dreams she hated for so long to envelop her.
'I love you.' The blonde stood in the dark, looking exhausted, vulnerable, and a little unsure of the response she would get. Hearing the words she had been holding in for so long expressed for the first time, not just the first time from this beautiful woman, but the first time anyone had ever said them first made Callie's heart soar. Part of her still couldn't believe she heard them, so she clarified, 'You do?' She knew Arizona loved her, she could feel it in her every word and action, they just hadn't said it yet. 'Mmhmm, I do.' Callie's face lit up and she unleashed the biggest, brightest smile she had and responded, 'I love you too.' At this, the blonde's face lit up as well and her dimples popped as she tilted her head and asked, 'You do?' Callie giggled and held out her arms, 'Mmhmm, I do.' Sighing a breath of relief, Arizona walked quickly to her girlfriend and fell into her arms. The day was emotional enough and seeing death, seeing how quickly life could leave this earth, she couldn't hold it back anymore. She needed to let this gorgeous, generous, amazing woman know how she felt. Looking into shining brown eyes welling with tears, she leaned in and placed a sweet kiss on those inviting lips. She then remembered exactly why her girlfriend was sitting on the couch with sexy lingerie, a party hat and a plate of doughnuts. 'You threw me a birthday party. I'm sorry I didn't stay. Thank you for understanding.' She leaned in for another kiss, this one lasting a bit longer. Both women savoring the taste and touch of the other. Breaking the kiss, Callie responded, 'You were a little distracted. I get it.' Arizona smiled appreciatively and looked down at those luscious breasts and licked her lips. 'Oh, I'm still distracted, Calliope.' Seeing her eyes seemed to have turned a deep navy with arousal, Callie reached up to her shoulder and lowered the thin strap making the fabric slip even lower revealing more of her cleavage. 'Maybe you should unwrap your present.' She replied huskily. 'Maybe I should.' Arizona offered as she guided them both to lie on the sofa placing a trail of soft open-mouth kisses from her throbbing pulse point to the top of her breasts. Making her way back up, she brushed her lips against plump red ones that opened immediately in invitation. Taking Callie's bottom lip between her teeth, she nibbled lightly before letting it go with a pop and sliding her tongue into the warm, wet, recesses of Callie's mouth pouring every bit of love she was feeling into that one kiss. Pulling back slowly, she looked into dark chocolate eyes that projected every ounce of love they held back to her. 'I love you Calliope Iphegenia Torres.' 'I love you too Arizona Robbins. Always'
She didn't even realize she was crying until she heard the soft knock on her bedroom door. She barely had time to wipe her tears away when her door opened and a flash of pink and brown tackled her to her bed. "Mama, I'm home." Her mini-me said as she snuggled in beside her, thankfully paying no attention to her red-rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. "Yes you are baby girl. What do you think of our new house?" She laughed as her daughter's eyes opened as wide as saucers, "It's ginormous! My room is awesome and we have a pool and…and the TV is so big and everything is so pretty. Mommy would love it. Has mommy seen it? Is she here?" Relieved that her daughter was so happy with everything, Callie nodded, "She is. But I bet she is still sleeping; yesterday was a long day for both of you." Sofia nodded in understanding and asked, "Can we make her breakfast? I bet she'll be hungry. I think she would want waffles with whip cream and sprinkles." Callie chuckled at her daughter's antics. "Oh you do huh? Are you sure YOU wouldn't want waffles with whipped cream and sprinkles?" She asked as she tickled the little girl's stomach making her fall into a fit of giggles. "Okay, okay, I give. It's me, I want the waffles. But maybe mommy would want some too." Stretching her arms over her head, Callie moved to get off the bed just as the little body attached herself to her back. Reaching back and pulling the little legs around her sides, she stood up and walked into the hallway. "Waffles it is then princess Sofia." As Callie walked past the room that contained the sleeping blonde and her daughter hugged her a little tighter around the neck, she could feel the smile spread across her face. The two people she needed to make her life complete were finally here with her.